Chapter 7
That night is rough and she's scared to sleep, she doesn't want to have another nightmare, but instead she gets flashbacks while still awake. It all comes back to her no matter how much she fights it.
She remembers the cold, dark, dungeon under Malfoy manor that she spent most of her time in. She remembers the day Blair came and joined her, she was scared of him at first bit when she saw he received the same treatment and torture as her, they bond over that. They helped treat each other's wounds, pop the others shoulders back in place, and hold each other through the cold nights filled with tears.
She remembers how they fell in love in such a dark place, their love wasn't healthy though, nothing healthy can come from such an environment. There weren't many ways to cope; distraction, pain, drugs, and sex. They didn't have drugs or distraction and so they used pain but then as they matured pain turned to sex and sex led to pregnancy.
When they found out, they were thrilled thinking that something good might finally come from this dark place, they could have something else to think about other than themselves. But like everything it turned disastrous, painful and traumatic.
When her father found out, when she started to show, he was furious and raged at Blair. She'd seen her father do business before, seen him kill before but this was a whole new level. He didn't use magic to kill him, he used his cane and beat his head until blood was pouring out. She couldn't do a thing, the magic restraining chains holding her tight, she still pulled against them as she thrashed and screamed.
Once her father was done with Blair he moved on to her. He beat at her with his bloodied cane going for her stomach with each shot. She tried to curl up and protect her stomach but the chains pulled her till she was spread open and defenseless.
Blair's body was removed but the blood remained. In a desperate mind-broken attempt to be close to him one last time she layed in his blood as she cried until she passed out. The next day she had a miscarriage, giving birth to her dead baby boy. She held It and cried. She lost everything, her love, her baby, her will to live.
When her father came down the next day he found her hitting her head against the wall. She had been doing it for hours and had blood trickling down her face. Her eyes were blank and lifeless, because She had shut down, she could no longer feel anything physical or mental. She was a husk. She was taken from Her dungeon room to her padded one, this wasn't the first time she's shut down but this was the worst.
She stopped eating, and would pull out any tube or iv they gave her. She would become incredibly hostile to anyone who entered the room. She was withering away, if no one went in then she lay down flat on the floor in the same spot for days. She lost too much weight so they had to drug her, strap her down and force feed her. She was held down with the magic suppressing chains and given tranquilizers so she was easier to deal with.
Eventually she had healed or maybe just suppressed enough to be minimally functional. She agreed to eat on her own and stop being combative.
Eventually she returned to her normal state of being; nervous, scared, cptsd flashbacks, broken but functional.
All these occurrences, all the special rooms, all the trauma Draco never knew about and he never questioned why he never saw her.
What he cared about was his father's attention so not having her to compete with was a win in his book.
Christmas was one of the only days she was let out, to pretend and play along with the facade. One Christmas she tried to tell Draco and get help from her older brother but hearing her say father would do such horrible things offended him and he thought she was attention-seeking. This was the fight that broke them apart.
She barely gets any sleep, and only after crying and hyperventilating till she passes out. Her alarm goes off startling her but she gets up and gets ready for the day. With makeup, she tries to not look so tired but it doesn't really matter, Tom can see through her too well.
Looking in the mirror she wants to cry, she wants to claw at her face, shes starting to panic and, if Tom sees her panicked he’ll worry and have more questions she can't really answer. She needs to calm down, needs to be sedated today, so she goes to bag of goodies and takes a sedativtive. It wont help with being tired but she needs to stay calm and not feel so much today.
She heads to breakfast, luckily the sedatives give her an appetite so she digs in eating. The other arrive.
Tom- “ Good morning Meeri”
Meeri- “ Good morning Tom, morning guys”
Theo-Mattheo- “ Morning”
They notice the change in her eating pattern and Mattheo notices her pupils are dilated. It could be normal so he doesn't say anything but does watch her more carefully.
She gets through the day alright, the sedative does its job. She has to focus on staying awake but it's better than fighting panic attacks and flashbacks.
She is about to head to her room but remembers she's supposed to meet Tom in the library to study so she heads that way. She finds him focused, reading a book, and is able to get pretty close before he notices.
Tom- “ Hello there”
Meeri- “Hey Tom”
Tom- “ Sit”
She sits and gets out her own book, but reading is making her more tired and she has a bad headache coming on. She looks up at Tom, so focused eyes locked on his book, hair perfect not a piece out of place, clothes wrinkle-free, he is pristine and so nice to look at. But she stares too long and he notices.
Tom- “ Do I have something on me”
Meeri- “ No no, sorry”
Tom- “Come here”
She gets up and goes to his side and waits for her next instructions. He puts a hand on her back and looks at her.
Tom- “ Did you sleep last night”
Meeri- “ Oh, no not really”
Tom- “ Nightmares or scared to sleep”
Meeri- “ Both”
Tom nods taking in her words. She looks so tired in a deep way, in a way that a nap won't fix, as if her soul is tired. She needs rest and sleep but she's scared, how can I help that? He remembers how she fell asleep on him before the guys said it was cause she was comfortable being vulnerable with him and hopes she still is.
Tom- “ Come here sit”
Meeri- “ What”
Tom- “ Sit on my lap, you need rest”
Meeri- “ O okay”
That is something she never thought she'd hear him say, wow. He is right though I need rest and he is trying to help I can't say no to him, not when he's trying.
So she goes to sit on his lap, he helps give her a lift when he sees she's a bit too short to do this on her own. He gets her set and with one arm he holds her to him and with the other he holds his book and continues reading.
Oh my, I'm too short for everything I can't even do this on my own, he grabbed my waist and lifted me so effortlessly, wow. Oh course he goes right back to his book, he wouldn't be Tom if he didn't. I bury my face in his chest that way he can't see me blushing, I can't help it his words shocked me, and him grabbing and now sitting in his lap, I can't help it.
Once her flustered fluttery feelings cool down a strong wave of sleepy comes over her. It doesn't take long before she falls asleep on him.
He likes this feeling, having her close and secure in his hold. Knowing she still is comfortable enough to fall asleep on him. She is warm and smells like jasmine, it's addicting, he makes a note to do this more often. It's almost curfew and she's still sound asleep, he doesn't want to wake her, she really needs this rest so he decides he’ll just carry her back.
He carefully packs up their books, puts on his bag then picks her up bridal style hoping the movement won't wake her, luckily it doesn't. The halls are pretty empty and to the few people who do cross his path he gives them a death glare, anyone who wakes her will pay later. He gets her back to her room and lays her in bed, slowly taking off her shoes, tie, and then her robe. When he gets the robe off he sees her sleeves have rolled and bunched up so he goes to fix them but he sees what her sleeves have been hiding. He panics a bit when he sees the layered scars, healing wounds, and bandages on her arms. Oh how long has she been hiding this, why does she do this, oh Meeri I will do better.
He gets her set in bed and then leaves heading back to his room, it's time to continue his research on expressing emotions and human connections stuff. He needs to improve his communication, so he spends the rest of the night taking notes and making prepared speeches.