is it new years yet?

The first sound he hears walking into work on Christmas morning is James’ holiday playlist, because of course it is, Regulus shouldn’t have expected anything different. It’s playing louder than normal, however, and there’s something different in the air. They’re trying their best to make it not suffocating here so people are actually “cheery” to take care of the guests that end up coming in. Regulus heard Alice and Frank talking about it the other day. He thought about going up to tell them it would absolutely not work in any circumstance but he bit his tongue. 

That being said not even two seconds after he walks into the kitchen Lily is running over to shove a Santa hat on him. He sighs, dropping his bag on the floor of the locker, reaching to take off his coat too, “Really?” 

When he turns around Lily is leaning on the wall, her arms crossed, “Boss insists.” 

“I don’t think she can do that,” Regulus tells her. “Given that this is a workplace and we’re paid to be here.”
Lily rolls her eyes, “Okay James insists,” quickly before Regulus can reach to take it off she says, “Everyone else is wearing them! I even got Barty and Evan in it.” 

Regulus shoots her a look, “What did you do to possibly get Barty and Evan?”
Lily smirks, “Christmas spirit,” she answers, before he can ask any follow-up questions Lily grabs his arm pulling him forward.
“Why are you so happy this morning?” Regulus grumbles. He would’ve thought at least some of the people here would be disappointed they couldn’t make their morning plans, or at least have some time off before they’re driving over to their families and have to endure Christmas dinner. Maybe he’s just surprised to see her this happy in general, especially considering where they are right now. He rips his arm back when they reach the middle of the kitchen. 

“Well, Alice insists,” Lily says, hopping onto the counter, but there’s something else buried beneath her words. It makes Regulus uneasy. 

Luckily he can’t dwell on it long before another voice comes in, “Hey, Reg.” 

Regulus turns around to find James, in his own hat and obnoxious Christmas sweater. He wants to tell James he looks stupid but it would be a lie, Regulus isn’t sure how he pulls it off. “Hi.” 

“Merry Christmas,” James tells him with a smile, his eyes gleaming. 

Regulus nods, “Same to you.” 

They haven’t exactly talked since that one night, and yes that is on purpose. Regulus woke up on the couch the next day with embarrassment flooding him. He resents that James can just make him say things he wouldn’t normally say. James hasn’t mentioned it since, of course, it’s not like him. He’ll pretend it never happened and when asked he’ll act like he never knew anything about it. Regulus wasn’t worried about that, he was more worried about what else that night brought out. They’ve never done that before. The only time James even saw his house was when he was dropping him off, which isn’t even a normal thing it’s only happened twice. Regulus doesn’t know what came over him, he had to put up his walls again. Not that James seems at all deterred. He even invited Regulus to his New Year's party the other day. Apparently, everyone from work will be going there, but Regulus never answered the text. He has a plus one too but he’s not even sure who he’d take. He doubts he’ll ever answer it. 

Despite neither of them saying anything else they don’t tear their gazes away from each other. James' eyes are big and warm and Regulus doesn’t know how to get out of them, he’s stuck in the center of them. Swirling around in the ocean that is James Potter, he hopes he drowns soon, at least then he wouldn’t feel like this. 

“Hey,” Lily leans over to grab his sleeve turning him back around, “I was talking to you.” 

Regulus shakes his head, trying to bring it all off his shoulders, “Were you?” He questions, he got nothing out of their conversation before, besides that uneasy feeling leaving it. 

Lily ignores him, “Kingsley hasn’t been around the last few days.”
There is it. 

Ice floods Regulus’ veins as all his muscles tighten, “He’s been busy,” he hears himself say, even if he doesn’t actually know. Kingsley’s texted him a couple of days ago, just once, probably knowing Regulus couldn’t take more than that. He just wanted to know if Regulus was okay, and he couldn’t even answer that. 

Lily hums shortly, clearly unsatisfied, “I heard you asked me to cover you to go out with him.”
It takes a moment for the realization to hit him, and when it does he turns around, “You told her?”
“She looked over my shoulder on Friday,” James opens his eyes wider, as if he’s trying to cut himself open and show Regulus he’s telling the truth, “When I asked you where you were.” 

Regulus looks back over to Lily just as she says, “Why are you so upset with me finding out?” Her smile only widens, it makes Regulus stomach twist. 

Regulus swallows thickly, “It’s none of your business.” 

Lily practically giggles, “Did you tell him?” She asks, “Did he tell you?”
Regulus is gonna be sick, “I need to talk to Pandora,” an excuse comes quickly before he’s walking away. He sees Lily open her mouth as he’s walking away but she doesn’t say anything, James catches it before she can.
“Lily, can you do something for me?”
He doesn’t hear the rest of it, he’s already out of the door. The dining room is covered in sparkling Christmas lights, turning a haze over the entire place. Pandora is slumped in one of the booths, her hat sitting haphazardly on her head. 

“Is Emmeline here?” Regulus asks, taking a seat in the one across from her. Alice will go easy on them today… hopefully, though he’s not even sure she’ll catch them out here. She’s been awfully busy in Frank’s office these last few days, of course, she’d never admit it though. 

“Nope,” Pandora says, leaning her phone down, “She’s at her parents' house. You’re stuck with me.” 

“I’m assuming she’s who you’re texting then?” Regulus asks, they’re so codependent it’s ridiculous. They can’t be away from each other for a second, at least on the clock that is. Not that Regulus will really complain about them. They always get their work done. 

Pandora nods, “She abandoned me today, I’m making sure she knows it.” 

“Do you have any plans for after?” Regulus asks. 

“Just a family thing,” Pandora says, “But Evan is taking Barty so I’m practically alone. I’m trying to plan with Emmeline to ditch our family things and go out somewhere.” 

Regulus almost asks what exactly Pandora and Emmeline are… he’s been here this long and he doesn’t even have a guess, but then he remembers he doesn’t really care much for that kinda stuff. They can do whatever they want, it’s not up to him to stop it from happening. He’s just here to get away from Lily really, so he takes out his phone and joins Pandora is silence. 

There’s nothing besides a text from Sirius from this morning. Well, two texts technically; Merry Christmas shortly followed by “answer me asshole.” Regulus answered neither message, he swipes them away. He’s not sure how, but he finds himself on his text log with Kingsley, the last message staring back at him. He’s not even sure what he’d say, he doesn’t reach out his fingers to type either he just stares at what’s already been said. Besides the one message from Kingsley, everything is from before. Their last texts were deciding a time for Friday before anything changed between the two of them. Last night Regulus stayed up late rereading everything, seeing if there was something he didn’t notice the first time. A sign he missed, or something that could explain everything that happened, but he found nothing. It just made him sick with longing and nostalgia for something he’s barely just lost. 

With a sigh, Regulus exits out of it, and instead goes to the loud hum and boredom that social media brings. At least it doesn’t make him think about anything. 

Not that he does it for long before the wait station doors open and Alice comes out. She sighs, but she doesn’t sound all that upset, “Really?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Pandora says brushing her off. “I was just opening,” she adds even if she hasn’t even looked up from her phone since Alice came out of the room. 

Alice shakes her head, “Regulus?” 

He sighs as he stands, walking towards the back section. It’s right next to the tree they have set up, he hopes it’s not too busy. He thinks the dinner shift is worse, or at least that’s what he’s heard. The morning shift isn’t so bad, with only a few people lingering around, here at least. Regulus leans against the wall, keeping his eyes on the door as Pandora walks over to flip the sign and stand at the podium and they wait… and wait… and wait… 

They do a lot of waiting. Too much waiting. 

Regulus would normally go back into the kitchen but it’s dangerous territory back there. He’s not sure who is worse to get stuck with back there, Lily or James. Regulus doesn’t want to talk to either of them. 

Luckily he doesn’t have to as when his boredom hits its peak Barty and Evan are the next people to come out of the door. They catch his eye and walk over to him, dragging out chairs to kick their feet up. “Has anyone come in yet?” Evan asks. 

Regulus gestures to the front section to an older couple, one table, one table in the last hour. Regulus isn’t even sure why he’s here right now. It’s not like he would be doing anything if he wasn’t, he’d probably just be in his apartment, but at least he wouldn’t have to be so on edge over who’s gonna walk up to him next. 

“Why are both of you here?” Regulus asks. It’s not busy enough for one dishwasher nevertheless two. 

Barty shrugs, “Refused to work if the other one couldn’t.” 

Regulus opens his mouth to question it but he just shrugs, yeah that checks out. It’s not like Regulus can blame him, if he had to spend a shift like this stuck in a room alone he thinks… actually no maybe he can blame them. Getting time and a half to just stand alone with no one bothering him, it sounds like the dream. He wouldn’t, for example, have two idiots talking his ear off for thirty minutes about who knows what while he’s waiting for something to do. Not that he doesn’t like a distraction from the endless silence. That part is a little nice. It doesn’t last long though. 

“Evan, Barty, get out of my dining room,” Pandora comes over. 

“Hey!” Evan exclaims as she picks up his legs to slam them off the chair he’s resting on, “It’s boring back there! We’re dying, Pandora!” 

“Deal,” Pandora says, turning to Regulus, “I’m sending a table over to you.” 

“Finally,” Regulus grumbles. 

It takes him five minutes, not even. Five minutes to take care of the table and then he’s back on the same stupid wall. They were very apologetic telling him they’d be out of his hair quickly, only got water ,and already had their orders ready by the time he got to the table for the first time. They’re eating in the next ten, and out in not even twenty. He can’t believe he’s begging for a bigger table and more work. This is absolutely ridiculous. 

Over the next half an hour he gets two more tables, but they’re nothing to mention really. They’re barely any work, or maybe it’s just because he’s not accomplishing anything this entire shift. Honestly, there’s no reason for him to be here at all, that is until the door opens around noon and a familiar face comes in. He doesn’t even have a chance to react to it at first before Lily Evans jumps out of nowhere as if she was waiting for this moment and grabs his shoulders, making him jump out of his skin. 

“Don’t,” Regulus cuts her off before she can even speak. 

“But-”

Regulus sends her a glare, slugging off her hands. He doesn’t even say anything as he walks over to Kingsley, he starts with so much energy but as time goes on he’s lost without it. Every step feels like a heavier weight, he feels it rising in his throat as he approaches him. Kingsley doesn’t even bother going up to Pandora he’s just waiting for Regulus. 

Once he’s in front of him though, Regulus doesn’t really know what to say. He should’ve texted him, this would’ve been easier over the phone, “Talk?” He forces out. 

Kingsley nods, “Yeah, let’s talk, Reg.” 

Regulus hesitates before gesturing into the dining room. Walking past Lily as he goes to the back of the room, to a place no one can see them tucked directly into the back. Though once he’s there he wishes they were more in the open, he feels suffocated here. He can feel it climb his chest and wrap around his ribs tugging him down. 

“I-” Regulus stops. “I just-” he sighs, forcing his words down. 

“Reg,” Kingsley calls out, he sounds calm. He sounds the same as if none of this ever happened. For a second Regulus can trick himself into believing it was a dream. None of it ever happened. Kingsley’s still his best friend, and there’s no other meaning to that word, no other connotations. 

“Yeah?” Regulus says. 

“I’m not here to ask for anything,” Kingsley tells him, he leans back in his seat. “I just don’t like how we left things, and I wanted to talk to you.” 

Regulus nods, “I miss you,” in the present tense, and always. Regulus thinks he’ll always miss Kinglsey now, his Kingsley, the one he knew before any of this. 

Kingsley smiles sadly, “I miss you too.”
And that’s it, there’s nothing more. There’s nothing that can be solved so easily. They can miss each other all they like it won’t fix anything. It won’t make anything better. 

Regulus swallows thickly before taking a shaky breath, “I don’t know what to say.” 

“I’ll talk,” Kingsley tells him, still trying to comfort him. “I’m sorry I threw all of that at you,” he says, “I just couldn't take it anymore. I tell you everything, Reg, and it killed me knowing there was something I was hiding from you. It was killing me just keeping it in, and if I knew it would ruin things I would gladly keep hiding it.” 

Regulus feels it all wash over him, it’s an apology, a good one, but it’s not what Regulus wants. It’s not what he’s been worried about. “I don’t want you making any big life decisions around me,” he ends up saying, “I don’t want to stop you from doing anything you really want to do.” 

Kingsley looks down, “I’m sorry I told you about that.” he says, “I just felt like I was losing you, and I don’t know what I was thinking.” 

“King,” Regulus calls out to get his eyes back on him, “Why did you do it?” Regulus knows what Kingsley told him. He knows he did it to be with him but there has to be something more, he refuses to believe that was it. It’s not fair if it was, because Regulus knows if he had the opportunity to chase his dream he would do it. He wouldn’t stop because of Kingsley he would just know he’d be understanding of it. Maybe that’s it, maybe it’s Regulus’ fault for all of this. He’s the one who’s not understanding enough. Kingsley was too scared to tell him about it. Regulus would’ve gone to visit him, he’d actually answer his calls, and he would do anything he could to support Kingsley, even if it meant losing easy access to his best friend. At least he’d still have him around. 

“It’s not your fault,” Kingsley tells him as if he can read his mind. Regulus doesn’t say anything, he waits for more. “I wanted more time,” he tells him. “I know it’s not going to be like this forever. I know these aren’t our forever jobs but it felt so soon. Too soon. I wanted more time.” Before Regulus can say anything he says, “I’ve wasted so much time, I thought… we wasted so much time.” 

“What are you talking about?” Regulus asks. 

“I thought you liked me too,” Kingsley explains, his voice straining at the words. “I thought we were both just running circles around each other. I thought we were just wasting time not doing what we wanted to be doing because we were scared.” 

Regulus thought they were doing everything they wanted to do. Sure, his life isn’t exactly what he always dreamed of, he certainly didn’t think he’d have this job, but he’s happy. He’s actually happy for the first time in… he doesn’t even know. He didn’t think they were wasting time if anything he thought they were gaining it back. His entire life he’s just been wasting away, and for once, he’s in control. He goes home each night exhausted with sore limbs but he’s in control. 

“I don’t want to waste time anymore,” Kingsley ends with. 

Regulus looks over at him, his eyebrows furrowed in questions, “King…” 

“Not with you,” Kingsley says quickly. “I mean, yes with you, but not like that.” 

“What then?” 

“I called the company that offered me the job,” Kingsley tells him. “I’ll still be working for someone it’s not very well my own company, but it’s something. I can actually be more involved in the jobs I go out on, they’re just giving me a space to do it.” 

“Wait,” Regulus says, “They offered the job again?” 

“I kinda begged for it,” Kingsley laughs, “It was just lucky timing, they had the opening still, and I can be very convincing.” 

“That’s great, King!” Regulus exclaims, but a moment later he understands what Kingsley is saying about wasting time. “When do you start?” 

“First week of January,” Kingsley answers. 

“Oh,” Regulus hears himself say.

Kingsley smiles sadly, “I won’t be that far.” He adds, with more resistance, “You’ll visit?”
“Yeah,” Regulus says, “I’ll visit.” 

An unspoken sadness falls over the two of them, and Regulus isn’t exactly sure what to think of it. It almost feels like the ending of something, maybe it is. Regulus almost wants to kick and scream, he wants to tighten his grasp and beg for more time but there’s never any more of it. Isn’t that what Kinglsey has been trying to say this entire time? There never is more time when it’s time you want the most. 

Regulus doesn’t know what he’s so worked up over. It’s not as if Kingsley will be very far. No, he doesn’t have a car, but he’ll handle that. It’s an easy fix, if anything he can steal Sirius’ car if he needs it, and everything else, well, they can handle that too. It’s heavy, and Regulus still aches every time he thinks about that booth in the cafe, he thinks it’ll be aching for a long time, but he’s being dramatic. It’s not that bad. It’ll be fine. Not everything has to be ending just because it feels like it. 

“I should probably go,” Kingsley says, but he makes no movement to stand. “My parents are expecting me, I’m late actually.” 

Regulus nods, “I should probably check on my tables.” He’s been sitting here much too long, even though he only has two tables and Lily’s probably very enthusiastically handling them for him. 

There’s a silence that follows, it’s what finally does Regulus in. He feels his eyes sting but quickly blinks them away, not yet, he won’t. Kingsley makes a move to stand, fixing his coat, before he leaves he gestures to Regulus, “Nice hat.” 

“James made me wear it,” Regulus mumbles. 

Emotion flickers over Kingsley’s eyes and for once Regulus thinks he understands what it means. 

Oh. Oh. 

“Don’t waste any more time, yeah?” It sounds like last words, and Regulus almost wants to ask if they’ll ever see each other again. It’s stupid. 

Regulus just nods, “Okay. No wasting time.” 

Kingsley nods, putting his hand on Regulus' shoulder, but he doesn’t let it linger before he’s walking off. Regulus watches as he goes, but his mind is elsewhere. He feels himself pull the hat more securely on his head, feeling the feel against his fingertips. Don’t waste any more time. 

Regulus doesn’t bother looking over his tables, walking straight passed them. He catches Lily’s eyes from across the room. She raises her eyebrow in question, but he just shakes his head. He goes back into the kitchen instead. He’s running on flames, and he’s not exactly sure what he’s thinking. All he knows is he doesn’t stop until he’s standing in front of James. He’s talking to Frank, leaning against the counter waiting for an order that’ll probably never come. 

He doesn’t even wait for them to turn to him before he says, “James, I’m coming to your New Year's party.” 

James’ eyes widen in surprise as his last words die on his tongue, “What?”
“Your New year's party,” Regulus repeats, “I’ll be there.”
James blinks, shock sweeping over him, “Okay,” he says. 

Regulus nods quickly, before spinning and disappearing from the kitchen again, his breath stuck in his throat. He’s not wasting any more time. Fuck it. 

❅❅❅

Yeah, Regulus regrets that choice approximately ten minutes later when everything is settled and he’s back to staring at his wall. In fact, he immediately rushed into the wait station and pulled out his phone, not to answer Sirius’ text but to pathetically send him one. 

[Regulus]: Agreed to go to a work New Year's Party you’re coming with me 

He only got a bunch of question marks in reply. He didn’t bother answering them. If he’s in this mess he’s needs someone to stop him from doing something he regrets. No, Sirius isn’t the best person to bring in that case. Hell, he’ll probably just get Regulus drunk and push him directly in James Potter’s arms. Not that that’s what he’d regret. He doesn’t that want. He doesn’t want to talk to James at all actually and he’s not nervous about it. He’s completely normal around him. 

It’ll be fine!
Normally he would take Kingsley, but taking him to James’ New Year's party after everything that happened between the two of them just feels mean. 

Not that it has any reason to. 

Fuck. 

Regulus has been standing at this wall for another hour and he thinks he’s going to slam his head against the wall. 

“Regulus,” Alice swings in from the back, “You’re being cut.” 

“What?” 

Alice shrugs, “There’s no point in making us all waste away here,” she says, “And we really don’t need you.” 

Regulus isn’t sure why it’s him, especially considering he has nothing going on after this. He’s not missing anything, but he won’t complain, he just nods and follows back into the kitchen before she can change her mind. It hasn’t even been that long but he’s been here way too long the morning. He clocks out on his way to get his coat. When he reaches the lockers he’s not alone, James is standing there with Regulus’ coat in his hands. 

“I’m being cut too,” James says, handing it over. “Frank says he can handle it until Marlene comes in later.” 

Regulus nods, putting his coat on, and grabbing his bag before stepping outside. He can feel his heart beating against his ribs, and he’s not even sure why. His mouth is glued shut, and he’s not sure if he’d have any words even if he could talk. 

Luckily James talks first, “Are you off to your brothers?”
“Not yet,” Regulus answers, “I’m putting off going.” He’ll go at six, and say he’s only there for dinner and then spend the night. Sirius has his ways and honestly, Regulus is too emotionally spent to argue with him this year. “You’re going to your parents?”
James nods, “They’ve been waiting for me.” 

Regulus is gonna ask him why he didn’t just take off, but decides against it, just nodding instead, they’re close enough to their cars anyway. “I’ll see you in a couple of days then?” Regulus isn’t working tomorrow, Sirius forced him to take off for his birthday. It’s probably for the best. Alice would make everyone sing him happy birthday and he honestly doesn't think he could stop himself from killing himself in front of all of them before they could finish. 

“Actually,” James says, stopping Regulus in his tracks. “Not until New Year's.” 

“Oh.”
James shrugs, “I wanted to spend some time with my parents,” he says, “I’ve barely seen them this month I miss being around them.” 

Regulus nods agreeing, as if he knows anything about that. He hasn’t seen his parents in years and the idea of going to their Christmas party tonight makes his ears ring, and chest close up. “I can’t remember the last time we didn’t work together,” he supplies. 

James hesitates before smiling softly, “Yeah, that’s crazy.”
Regulus freezes, turning to fully face him, “What does that mean?” 

James tilts his head, and Regulus gets a strange sense of deja vu, it flickers over his vision but he refuses to let it take over him completely. 

“You..” Regulus words trail off. 

“Merry Christmas Regulus,” James murmurs as he walks away, “And Happy Birthday for tomorrow anyway.” 

“James!” Regulus calls out, “What did you do?”
James' smile only widens, “I’ll see you at the party,” he says before reaching his truck. He’s gone before Regulus can so much as open his mouth to call out again. 

That idiot switched their schedules. He made sure he was scheduled every time Regulus was. It takes him longer to register what that means, maybe it’s the cold, or maybe he’s just an idiot too, but oh. 

He watches as James pulls out of the parking lot and drives off, disappearing from the horizon. 

Oh.