Would You Rather

“Could I borrow a pencil? I forgot mine.”

Remus was met with nothing but silence. He rolled his eyes.

“Pads, please. Don’t make me ask Snivels.”

Snape made a low growling noise at the quip, but Sirius showed no reaction, staring steadfast at Mcgonagall, who was yapping about some random shit Remus didn’t care about. This was far more important than poetry, though.

“Padss,” Remus groaned, putting a hand on Sirius’s arm. The boy didn’t move it, but he still didn’t make any signs of listening. “I’ve said I’m sorry! I really am! I shouldn’t have gotten mad at you— I was being stupid—!”

“Fighting like an old married couple again, I see.” Snape interrupted Remus’s words, a slimy grin on his face. Remus scowled, feeling Sirius stiffen beneath his hand. “No surprise there—“

“Shut the fuck up, Snape!”

Snape rolled his eyes at Remus’s outburst and turned back to the lesson, but it was clear he was still eager to hear all of the drama. Nosey bitch. Not much of a shock though, he certainly did have a big ass nose. Always putting it where it didn’t belong. God, Snape was fucking annoying.

Remus began to speak again after dragging his eyes from Snape, though much quieter this time— his voice barely more than a whisper to avoid any eavesdropping.

“Sirius, I’m so sorry. I want to fix things, but I don’t even know what made you this mad! I’m trying here, but you won’t even listen to me!”

“I’m listening, I just don’t care.” Sirius finally replied, his eyes not leaving the board as he spoke. Remus resisted the urge to groan. Hey— at least Sirius was finally talking to him. Baby steps.

Remus had run the fight over in his mind what felt like thousands of times since that night, trying to figure out what the hell had happened. Sure they were yelling at each other, but they did that literally everyday. Nothing had been different— that fight hadn’t even been as bad as some of the others they’ve had. Why was Sirius still mad at him? Remus apologized for yelling the first chance he found, but Sirius just brushed him off, refusing to even meet his eyes. It was infuriating! If he would just tell him what was wrong, they could fix this! God, Remus was losing it.

He’d even texted Sirius an apology when he didn’t listen the first time. Fucking texted him. Jesus christ.

“Sirius, please—“

“Could you shut up?” Sirius snapped, ripping his arm out from beneath Remus’s hand, a small scowl playing on his face. “I’m trying to listen to the fucking lesson.”

Remus rolled his eyes, unable to help himself.

“Well, I’d be doing that too, but you’re too pissed to even give me a fucking pencil—!”

Remus wasn’t able to finish his sentence before Sirius slammed the fancy, mechanical pencil he’d been using down in front of Remus— the loud sound drawing the attention of many curious students nearby. As dramatically— and loudly— as he physically could, Sirius hauled his backpack up onto his lap, aggressively rifling through his front pocket as he searched for another pencil. By the time he’d found one (a small, wooden pencil, sharpened nearly all the way down to the eraser), the whole class was staring— even Mcgonagall.

“Mr. Black,” The stern woman narrowed her eyes at Sirius, bringing her glasses down to glare over the lenses. “Is there a problem?”

“Yes, Miss— there is.” Sirius’s huffed out, throwing his backpack back onto the floor with a loud thump. “I’m trying to learn, but Lupin here won’t stop trying to talk to me.”

…

What the fuck?! That bitch! Remus grimaced, his head snapping towards Sirius.

Snape raised his hand as well, not waiting for Mcgonagall to acknowledge him before speaking out. “I can confirm. Lupin’s been very disruptive all class.”

Remus just gaped at the accusations, unable to deny, but also unable to believe the scene in front of him. We’re Sirius and Snivillus fucking ganging up on him?! Was he dreaming?! This had to have been a dream.

“Mr. Lupin,” Mcgonagall’s attention shifted to Remus, one curious eyebrow raised, “Is this true?”

“I—“

“Yes.” Sirius and Snape answered in fucking unison, rendering Remus unable to even speak. They were talking in unison now! What the fuck!

“Hm.” Mrs. Mcgonagall eyed them all one last time, readjusting her glasses as he retreated to her desk, pulling out the detention slip. Remus was gonna kill himself. “Well, Mr. Lupin. Detention with me today at lunch. Try to listen next time, yeah?”

Remus just nodded dumbly, staring at the table as a slip was placed in front of him, his name written on the front in neat cursive. Remus did not use Sirius’s pencil as the lesson resumed— in fact, he never even managed to pull his eyes away from the goddamned slip, the memory of how he’d gotten it playing on loop in his head. He had half a mind to snitch to James— tell him how his best friend was coercing with the enemy. He would never do such a thing, obviously, but it was a nice thought to sooth his anger.

As the class began packing up, Snape tried talking to Sirius, aiming that same slimy smile from earlier in his direction. Remus saw Sirius scowl.

“Good choice, standing up to Loony Lupin.”

Remus could punch him. He might do it, lowkey— suspension was sounding awfully peaceful right about now.

Sirius rolled his eyes, throwing one strap of his backpack over his shoulder as he turned to the door.

“Don’t fucking talk to me, Snape.”

Remus watched him walk out the door dumbly as he stood beside Snape, the other boy staring in a similar fashion.

…

“Need me to hire a marriage counselor—?”

“Bro, shut the fuck up.”

•••

Remus hadn’t stopped the apologies. In fact, he actually layed it on thicker, trying to say sorry every chance he got. Sirius dismissed him every time, but Remus didn’t stop trying. He also hadn’t stopped talking about the little “Snape and Sirius Teamwork” show in English since it’d happened. It was just all so shocking. Remus was in shock.

Lily apparently had enough of it.

She groaned loudly, throwing her phone down into her lap as she turned her piercing, green eyes onto Remus. He felt himself shudder under her gaze.

“If I hear you say ‘Sirius’ one more time, we’re getting into those dumb, little wrestling uniforms, getting onto that mat, and having it out.”

Remus snorted at the image, picturing Lily in that dumbass outfit, charging full speed at Remus as she yelled. It was hilarious.

Remus and Lily had been watching Marlene’s wrestling practice, having nothing better to do with their time. Lily had been mindlessly complaining about something James had done, while Remus complained even more about Sirius, still worked up about earlier events. They were both getting on each other’s nerves, which caused them to begin concocting vague threats, each one more creative than the last.

“If you keep talking about James, I’ll convince Slughorn to let me pair up with Snivillus, forcing you to work with James for the rest of the semester.”

Lily gasped. “You wouldn’t!”

Remus snorted. “You’re right, but it’d be hilarious if I did.”

Lily thought for a moment, tapping her chin with a pink, polished finger.

“If you keep talking about Sirius… I’ll…. tell Gilderoy you need to be tutored in math, and convince him that he’s the only guy who could tutor you.”

“No!” Remus grimaced, imagining spending even more prolonged periods of time with that fucking narcissist. “I think I’d actually die!”

Lily shrugged, an evil smirk on her face.

“Ugh, fine. If you keep talking about James, I’ll convince the twins that you want them. Both of them. At the same time. And trust me, they’d believe it.”

Lily’s jaw dropped, moving her hand to aggressively smack Remus on the arm. It really fucking hurt. Remus yelped, bringing up a hand to tend to his injury.

“Remus!” She scolded him loudly, her face as red as a tomato— her freckles popping even more than usual.

“Lily!” mocked her between snickers, dropping his hand back down to his lap as he laughed.

“Ok fine! If you keep talking about Sirius, I’ll convince him you and Severus hooked up in Junior year!”

“WHAT?!” Remus shouted, his voice carrying around the entire gym, “HELL NO!”

Lily crossed her arms over her chest, wearing a self satisfied smirk at Remus’s reaction.

“Don’t test me— I’ll really do it!”

“No. No way. No. I’d actually self destruct. I’d shoot myself on spot.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “You’re so dramatic—“

“—I’d rather chop off my own fucking dick, than put it anywhere near that freak—“

“Ew— Remus!” Lily smacked his arm again in the same spot, making Remus wince, “No one wants to hear about your dick!”

“I’d rather—“

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Lily began snickering despite herself, covering Remus’s mouth with her palm, “No need to get defensive—!“

“Defensive?!” Remus yelled, quickly removing her hand from his face, “I’m not getting defensive!”

Lily just began snickering harder, full on laughing in Remus’s face as he gaped.

“This isn’t defense,” He said, obviously defending himself, “This is disgust! This is terror!”

Lily kept laughing, folding in half as she collapsed down into her own lap, a perfect imitation of a shut laptop.

Remus just huffed, crossing him arms like a toddler having a tantrum. Lily collected herself after a couple of minutes, wiping tears from her eyes as she turned back towards Remus.

“Okay, I’m done. I swear.”

Remus just rolled his eyes.

“Alright, all jokes aside, you seriously need to fix this thing with Sirius. I’m pretty sure the whole school is annoyed at this point.”

“I’ve been trying!” Remus threw his arms up exasperated, “It’s not working!”

“Hey, calm down,” Lily cooed, attempting to sooth his anger, “We’ll think of something. What does Sirius like?”

Remus rolled his eyes again. “He’s not gonna take bribery— that rich asshole could get anything anytime he wanted!”

“Okay, fine. We can do something homemade. You could make him a card? A sign?”

Remus snorted. “You should like James. Next you’re gonna say ‘let’s go to Walmart!’”

She glared. “Don’t make me beat you up.”

“Whatever. And how would a sign or a card even work? ‘Sorry for doing something, even though I don’t know what it is I did! Be my friend again!’?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that’s not gonna work. Could you tell me what you said during the fight again. Exactly what you said. Don’t leave out any details.”

Remus raised a brow. “You really want that? You’ve been annoyed with me talking about the fight this whole time.”

“Yes, I really want it,” She huffed, annoyed, “Now get on with it before I change my mind.”

“Okay, uhh,” Remus thought to himself, trying to recall the memory, “I was scared about something, but I can’t tell you what that something is, because—“

“Just keep going.”

“Fine. I was scared, so he, like, told me to leave the room with him. We left, he asked me what was wrong, I said I was worried, he called me a idiot for being worried, I said… I can’t tell you what I said, but I said something, and he said something back—“

“Jesus christ,” She groaned, “You’re terrible at this!”

“I’m trying!” Remus explained, “I just can’t tell you about some parts!”

“Then leave those parts out! Say the important stuff!”

“Okay, okay! After we said the stuff I can’t tell you, he said fuck you, and I said it back— then he told me to go fuck myself, and I said he’d like that, and then—“

“Wait, pause.” Lily stopped his story, shaking her head, “Go back.”

Remus raised a brow, catching his breath. “To which part?”

“The ‘go fuck yourself’ part.”

“Uhhh, that was all? He said that, I said what I said, and then he, like, blew up. Told me to get the fuck out.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Say what you said after ‘go fuck yourself’!”

“‘You’d… like that’?”

…

“Holy crap, you’re dumb.” Lily shook her head, dropping it to her hands.

“Wait, huh? I’m lost. What’d I do?!”

“Just shut up,” She waved a hand in his face, not lifting her head, “I’m trying to think of a way to get you out of this.”

“But what did I do?!” Remus exclaimed, leaning down to try to catch Lily’s gaze, “You clearly think I did something!”

“Figure it out yourself! I’m thinking.”

“Lilyyy,” Remus groaned, “Lily, please—“

Lily suddenly whipped her head back up, nearly smacking the back of her head against Remus as she did so. Remus jumped back, shocked.

“Okay, here’s what you gotta say. Remember every word.”

“Uhh, okay—?”

“Tell him you’re sorry for what you said, and that when you said that, you didn’t mean it like that. You were just mad, and weren’t thinking. Say you didn’t mean to offend him, and you’re really sorry for hurting his feelings.” She annunciated every word slowly, as if talking to a brain dead child. Remus squinted his eyes at her in confusion.

“Said what—?!”

“That’s unimportant. Just say that. Repeat it back to me.”

“But Lils—“

“No. Repeat it.”

Remus scratched the back of his head awkwardly, leaning away from Lily.

“Uhh, could you say that all again?”

Lily dropped her head back to her hands, groaning loudly.

“You’re so fucked.”

•••

Remus had the entire apology Lily had come up with memorized. He’d been repeating it in his head over and over, determined not to forget. He’d been so focused on it, he hadn’t even heard the sound of Fabian’s voice calling for him, too focused on his thoughts and the fridge he’d been restocking.

Finally broken from his trance, Remus snapped his head up to meet the eyes of the redheaded twin, who snickered at him in greeting.

“Jesus— Earth to Lupin! I don’t think you’ve spoken to me once our entire shift!”

“Oh, my bad, man,” Remus waved him off, placing the final energy drink into the fridge before shutting it, his body cooled from the cold air. “I’ve just been distracted.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Fabian snorted. “I have something really important to ask you.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Yeah? And what’s that?”

Fabian smirked.

“What are your opinions on brownies?”

Remus shrugged. “I don’t know— delicious?”

Fabian wiggled his brows, jerking his head towards his car. “Wanna come hang out at my house after our shift then?”

“The fuck does that have to do with brownies?!”

Fabian just shrugged, turning back to fiddle with the cash register.

Remus raised a suspicious brow, narrowing his eyes at the dumbass boy. Remus had literally never heard an invitation sketchier.

There was no way he was pulling up.

Okay— he lied. Of course he pulled up! Call him fat, Remus didn’t give a fuck. He loved brownies! Sue him, they were delicious!

Maybe he should’ve seen this all coming. Maybe it should’ve been obvious that the twins— the assholes who were literally infamous for their weed addiction— wouldn’t just be offering normal brownies. Of course, Remus didn’t think that hard about it. He just blindly trailed behind their shitty ass, pickup truck on the way back to their house, his head in the clouds, and his stomach growling at the thought of a good brownie.

God, Remus was a fucking idiot.

“You find anything?” Fabian asked, leaning over Remus’s shoulder to look catch a glimpse of his phone screen. Remus shook his head and angled his phone away from Fabian, looking up at the boy with a scowl.

“No.” Remus narrowed his eyes, “But shouldn’t you be the one looking for a recipe? This was your guys’s fucking idea.”

“Exactly— that’s why I’m not gonna do it.”

Remus narrowed his eyes, the sentence reminding him far too much of a certain black haired boy who was pissed at him.

“How the hell does that make any sense?!”

Fabian just shrugged, and Remus rolled his eyes, giving up. It was impossible to use logic against these two. They were too illogical for that shit.

Gideon finally stood up from where he was crouched down by the stove, scratching his head as he looked around the kitchen.

“Bro, where the hell are our bowls?”

“Oh my fucking god.” Remus groaned, rubbing an agitated hand over his face as Fabian walked over to join his brother.

“Right here, stupi— oh shit, wait…” Fabian stopped short, staring blankly into an open cabinet. Sometimes Remus wondered if the twins actually had any brain cells left, or if all that weed had burned them away. The most likely answer would be that they never had any in the first place.

First of all, Remus just wants to say that none if this was his fault. He literally just came for the brownies. Normal brownies. Normal, yummy, chocolatey brownies.

What he hadn’t, however, expected, was to have a whisk thrust into his hand, and a twin breathing down his neck as Remus researched recipes for weed brownies.

Yeah, weed brownies. Like, the ones with weed in them. Remus was gonna commit. This was his thirteenth reason.

It would’ve been just fine if the twins had already baked the brownies. In fact, Remus probably would’ve been jumping for joy. What’s better than just a normal brownie? A brownie that gets you high! Unfortunately, this twins must’ve thought Remus was their little housewife or some shit. Their maid. Their private chef.

…

Seriously, who the fuck invites someone over just to make them bake brownies for them?! They even tried to deny it too, telling him the brownies were already finished, just to open the fridge with a gasp, having the absolute audacity to say, “Oops, my bad, dawg— we forgot to bake them.”

…

How the fuck do you forget to bake something?! Is that even fucking possible?! Had they just somehow telepathically convinced themselves they’d done it last night, and never bothered to check whether or not that was true?!

It was all just a scam— a way to rope a poor, innocent soul (Remus) into their scheme, and make him do all the dirty work! Remus might as well have been their fucking worker minion. To make matters even worse, Remus fell for it! They tricked him while he was vulnerable! He was too distracted!

Those sneaky little assholes!

Fabian was still staring into the cabinet with his head slightly tilted to the left as Gideon hovered above him, both of them just gazing into the cabinet like brain dead idiots.

Remus actually couldn’t handle them sometimes. This was why he only hung out with them when he was desperate. Or high.

“Jesus christ— move.” Remus crouched down beside Fabian, slightly nudging his shoulder to make room, and somehow causing the boy to fully topple over— rolling onto his back like a dead cockroach. Gideon immediately began dying of laughter as Remus searched the cabinet himself, gaping in dismay at its emptiness. There literally wasn’t anything in there— like, not a single thing.

Remus looked back at the twins to scowl at them, one eyebrow raised in judgement.

“Why the hell did you spend so long looking in an empty fucking cabinet?!”

“I swear they were in there earlier!” Gideon tried defending himself, raising his hands in surrender, “I bet Molly fucking moved them. She’s always baking and shit in our kitchen.”

Fabian immediately began nodding in agreement, finally moving off of his back to sit cross-legged on the tile floor.

“Wait, you’re so right— she baked those cookies last night, remember?”

Remus groaned. “You’re fucking kidding—“

“Ohh, shit— yeah!”

Molly was Fabian and Gideon’s older sister. Remus vaguely remembered her being in his ceramics class in Freshmen year, but that was about it. She was, like, four years older than him, so he never bothered to speak to her. Remus was pretty sure Molly didn’t live with the twins anymore— she would just come back to visit every once in a while. He also remembered her having a baby when she was, like, fourteen— but that was irrelevant.

“Yeah— I think Fred and George ate them all.”

Gideon scowled. “Those little shits. Imma beat their asses next time I see them.”

Remus gaped at them. “You’re gonna beat the little four year olds?!”

“Hell yeah I am— they ate all of the cookies!”

“Okay, just shut the fuck up,” Remus silenced Gideon his hand, “I actually can’t with you guys right now.”

Gideon and Fabian both giggled idiotically at Remus’s words, but Remus chose to ignore them, standing up to his full height with a painful pop in his knees.

Yikes— he really was turning into an old man. Someone needed to get Remus a fucking chiropractor.

“Alright, so we have no bowls, and no recipe. Great. What’s next— did y’all forget the weed too?”

“Nope!” Gideon grinned, reaching into his front hoodie pocket, and pulling out a plastic baggy literally filled to the brim with weed, a pen, and a fucking Geek Bar, “Don’t worry, Loops— we’re not that stupid.”

Extremely debatable.

Remus gaped at Gideon, an eyebrow raised in unconcealed judgment. “Do you deadass. bring all that shit to school? Like, just in your fucking pocket?”

“Fuck yeah I do.” Gideon snorted, “How else would I deal with Slughorn’s long ass rants about his freaky ass pet snakes and shit.”

Remus hummed in mild agreement, unable to deny that.

“How the hell do you not, like, get caught?”

Gideon just shrugged, shoving all of his shit back into his hoodie.

Soon after, Fabian decided to bless the pair by emptying the contents of his front pocket as well, making Remus once again gape and roll his eyes. In Fabian’s pockets, he had like three Geek Bars (for reasons Remus couldn’t even begin to guess), and a pen of his own.

“Literally what the hell do you need that many Geek Bars for?” Remus asked, his face scrunched up in the most judgmental expression possible.

Fabian shrugged. “I’m stocking up.”

“For what? Are you going into fucking hibernation?!”

“Wait, humans can go into hibernation?!” Gideon asked, his low-lidded eyes widening just a fraction, allowing Remus to see the glossiness of his high.

“Nahhh, that’s just in the Winter.” Fabian replied before Remus could speak, hitting Gideon’s chests, and making both boys snicker. Remus groaned and hid his face in his hands.

“Holy fucking shit—“

“Wait, but I thought the groundhog said there was, like, six more weeks of Winter.” Gideon said, looking up thoughtfully, squinting against the lights.

Fabian smiled lazily, snickering at his brother. “Dawg, that’s in the Spring.”

“Huh? It’s Fall, though.”

“Wait, I thought it was Winter?”

“Bruh, it’s literally November.”

“Alright, you’re actually done now. No more talking.” Remus interrupted the boys’ idiotic ass argument, unable to hear another word without feeling the need to waterboard himself in their kitchen sink, “Can we please start looking for recipes? And bowls?”

“Why the hell would we look for a recipe?” Gideon asked with a snort, pulling a small, crumpled index card out of the front pocket of his jeans, “I have one right here.”

Remus had to resist the urge to fucking bitch slap that fucking asshole. It was difficult, but Remus somehow managed to retain self control.

Remus took a deep breath in and out before even daring to speak.

“Well, okay then. Recipe found.” Remus said, willing his voice to sound as calm and physically possible. Remus tried to stay clean from smoking around basketball season, but these assholes were making things very difficult. “Why don’t we look for a bowl next?”

“Bettt.” Fabian drawled out, pushing Gideon forward, and nearly causing his poor brother to trip and crack his fucking skull on the counter.

God— they were useless. Why did Remus even try?

After a whole goddamm scavenger hunt to find all of the necessary items and ingredients, Remus had it all layed out on their small island counter in front of him, forcing Gideon to hold the index card up like a tv stand as he squinted at the small print.

Fabian snorted. “Do you need glasses or some shit?”

“Yeah, I could go steal my mom’s readers for you—?”

“Both of you shut the hell up, I can read just fine. The handwriting on this is just fucking terrible.”

“I’m telling Xeno you said that.” Gideon said, making the twins dissolve into another round of giggles.

Remus rolled his eyes, successfully distracted from the task at hand. Xeno, or Xenophilius Lovegood, was Hogwarts’s resident drug dealer. Remus was 100% sure he’d literally never seen that guy sober. Weed, acid, literal fucking cocaine— Xeno did it all. At school. Like a fucking idiot.

He was definitely gonna die before he made it to his twenties, but who was Remus to judge.

Remus was also 100% sure Xenophilius wasn’t his real name. He just didn’t believe any parent would curse their kid with a name so fucking terrible, and that’s coming from guy named Remus fucking Lupin. Xeno’s parents might’ve been crack addicts or some shit for all Remus knew, but that still didn’t justify it. He probably just did it for a cool instagram username. “Xx_xenoweedo_xX” was probably a more ideal name for a drug dealer than “Xx_williamweedo_xX”.

…

Actually, no it wasn’t— they were both equally fucking stupid, but that was irrelevant.

“Could you instead tell Xeno to fucking text me back? I DMed him for some joints, like, a year ago.”

“Ay ay, Captain!” Gideon saluted, dropping the card in the process.

“You just gotta jump him,” Fabian said out of no where, a distant look in his eyes, “He never answers his phone. Well, sometimes he does, but he usually ends up flaking out before actually giving anyone the shit.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Why? He’s missing out on literal free money.”

Fabian shrugged at the same time Gideon stated, “He’s already rich, why would he care.”

Remus shrugged, unable to think of a solid answer.

“Yeah,” Fabian continued, “Our strat is just to pull up to his house.”

“Yeahhh,” Gideon chorus, nodding his head as he bent down to retrieve the card, “His house is so fucking cool! Sometimes, he’ll just give you stuff for free and invite you in. He’s got a whole movie room!”

“Ooh yeah! Watching Phineas and Ferb while tripping was, like, an out of body experience!”

“And those bean bags are soooo comfy!”

“Sounds like a fucking kidnapping.” Remus said, rolling his eyes as he began measuring out a cup of flour.

Fabian and Gideon both snorted in unison.

“Did you know he has a white van, too?”

Remus looked up to gape at the twins, disbelief clear on his face. “You’re fucking kidding.”

“Yeah,” Fabian added, “And it has a disco ball!”

Remus snorted. “Does it have a sign that says ‘Free Candy!’ as well?”

The twins both giggled, moving around the counter to sit on the barstools as Remus worked. Remus would’ve scolded them for leaving him to do everything himself, but honestly, their help would just be a nuisance. Remus was better off on his own.

By the time Remus had finished the brownies, the kitchen was a fucking mess of spilled flour, smoke, and scraps of weed Gideon had accidentally knocked on the floor. Fabian offered to lick it up, but Remus wouldn’t let him. Finally, the brownies were sat in front of them, just begging to be eaten.

Now, there were a couple reasons Remus was a bit hesitant to begin devouring all of his hard work. First of all, he drove here. It was already eleven at night, and driving home in the dark while intoxicated was a fucking terrible idea. Second, if he did end up getting high, he was far more likely to do something fucking stupid, like text Sirius, or accidentally fall asleep at the twins’ and end up spending the night. Both terrifying prospects.

As a consolation, Remus forced Fabian to grab him a plastic bag, the boy’s face already covered in brownie remnants. Remus had about twenty minutes before the twins would become fucking monsters. He had to get out of there.

After receiving the bag, Remus packaged up four of his brownies, shoving them into his backpack, and slinging it over his shoulder and he made his retreat. The twins protested, trying to get Remus to stay, but he refused.

As Remus drove home, his windows down, and the cool, night air blowing through his hair, he realized a few things.

Maybe bribery could work.

•••

“Oh look, it’s your boyfriend!” Gilderoy shouted loudly, drawing the entire team’s attention as he pointed towards the gym door.

Remus was going to fucking kill Gilderoy.

“Yoo, Black!” Gideon yelled, followed by shouted greetings and waves from the other Seniors on the team. Remus rolled his eyes, taking a final sip over water before running towards Sirius, mumbling a quick, “Wait one second.” before basically sprinting to the locker room. Sirius rolled his eyes with a huff, but didn’t make any move to leave.

“Ay, Black— you actually got Lupin to run!”

The boys all laughed at the joke.

“That’s the fastest I’ve seen him jog all season!”

“Gayass!”

Remus flipped the bird behind his back to anyone who was watching, causing another round of laughter to fill the gym.

Remus obviously didn’t want to do his whole apology with his entire team watching, but Sirius could be an extremely hard man to get ahold of if he tried. It took Remus, like, ten minutes of insistent asking to get Sirius to agree to meet up, and he only did it with the conditions they had to meet at exactly five thirty— right when Remus’s practice got out. It was annoying, but Remus had no choice. This might be his only chance.

Remus didn’t have time to shower, he only quickly changed into an old hoodie and a pair of sweats, quickly grabbing his bag and bursting back through the doors. The team called out more random quips and jokes, but Remus ignored them, jogging over to where Sirius still stood, slightly out of breath.

Sirius scrunched up his nose. “You smell like shit.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Hey, you were the one who wanted to do this at exactly five fucking thirty, so unless you want to wait while I shower, you can’t complain.”

“Whatever.” Sirius mumbled, looking up at Remus as he tried pushing him through the door, trying to get out of the gym as fast as physically possible. He was too full of anxious energy— he needed to get this done before he exploded into a pile of fucking confetti on the floor.

“What, don’t want your little teammates to watch?” Sirius asked, accusatory brow raised as he held his ground, refusing to be moved from his spot.

“Do you really want that freak show catcalling us the entire time? C’mon, let’s just go outside.” Remus rolled his eyes, nearly sighing in relief when Sirius let himself be pushed.

As Remus held the door open for Sirius, he sighed into the cool November breeze, thankful for the chill after two hours of being stuck in a sweaty ass gym. The sun was just beginning to set, covering the sky in a warm, orange shade, which reflected off of Sirius’s hair in an almost ethereal way. Remus breath caught for a second as he tried to collect his words, his mind spinning. Sirius genuinely looked like some kind of angel, his gray eyes observing Remus scrutinizingly as he stared. Sirius raised a brow once again, motioning for Remus to speak.

God, he was fucking this all up! He couldn’t even remember what Lily had told him to say!

Fuck it, there was no time. Remus made a game time decision. He was gonna have to wing it.

“Sirius, I,” Remus took a breath, preparing himself for what was undeniably gonna become a long ass speech. “I am so, so sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I want to say it again. I’ll be completely honest, I have no fucking clue what it is I said to offend you, and I know I’m an asshole for that, so I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I was just angry, and stressed, and I got worked up. I said things I didn’t mean. Believe me, whatever the fuck it was I said, I really didn’t mean it. Please forgive me, Sirius— I don’t want us to fight.”

When Remus finally finished, he felt like a deflated ballon, all of the air in his lungs completely depleted. It felt like an eternity Sirius just stared at Remus. He didn’t say anything, just stared. When Sirius finally let out a sigh, breaking eye contact to look down to his shoes, Remus almost jumped for joy.

“I forgive you.” Sirius sighed out, refusing to meet Remus’s eyes. “I was just being dramatic.”

Remus shook his head. “I’m sure you weren’t—“

“No,” Sirius interrupted, looking up at Remus with a furrow in his brow, “I was. I don’t even know why I’m mad to be honest. I was being dumb. I am being dumb. If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you—“

“No no no—“

“Yes, Remus— I should. I was the one who blew up. I told you to go fuck yourself, I kicked you out of my house on fucking Thanksgiving! I should be saying sorry, not being an asshole and forcing you to fucking apologize at every step—!“

“Sirius, it’s fine—“ Remus tried reassuring him, but Sirius wouldn’t listen.

“Please, Remus— just let me say it back.”

“I—“

“Please.” Sirius voice was quieter now, looking up at Remus so gently, Remus couldn’t help but shudder.

“I— okay. Fine.”

“I’m sorry, Remus. I’m really fucking sorry. I’ve been acting like a fucking child— I’ve been rude for literally no reason. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry, you’re all good,” Remus waved him off, causing Sirius to let out a strange, choking sob. Remus immediately panicked, his eyes going wide.

“Are you okay?!”

Sirius ducked his head, wiping his eyes. “I’m fine, I swear.”

“Are— are you sure?!”

“Yes,” Sirius breathed out a laugh, literal tears streaming down his face too fast for him to hide them. Remus had to resist the urge to gape.

Sirius was crying?! Shut— had Remus done something wrong?! Did he say something stupid again?! What did he say?!

Remus was throughly panicking and he tried to think go what to do. He was terrible at comforting people— he literally becomes the most awkward person in the world. In a moment of complete desperation, Remus dropped down to the floor to dig around in his backpack, the soft sounds of Sirius’s choppy breathing buzzing out into the background. Finding what he was looking for, Remus retrieved the plastic bag from last night, holding three weed brownies.

Sirius looked up to Remus, his mouth open a fraction, and one brow raised in confusion. His face had red streaks running down from his eyes, his nose puffy from crying.

“The fuck?” He choked out, a small smile bringing up the corners of his mouth.

Remus shoved the bag into Sirius’s chest, forcing the boy to scramble to grab them, nearly crushing one of the treats.

“I baked those. For you. Kinda.” The words were pouring out of Remus’s words before he could stop them, leaving him looking like a fucking idiot.

“Kinda?” Sirius parroted back, eyeing the small bag of brownies.

“Yeah, it’s a long story. Fabian and Gideon— well actually, they didn’t do shit, I made them all on my own. The twins just had the recipe, I guess. And the kitchen. Oh— and the bowls—“

Sirius smirked a bit, a tear drop falling off of his cheek. “What were you doing with the twins?”

“I— I don’t even know.” Remus shrugged, shaking his head, “Wasting my time because I couldn’t hang out with you? I never told you this, but I actually did that last time we fought, too. Kinda funny I did it twice. Well, no it isn’t, but—“

“Remus, don’t make fun of me, but I just have to ask…” Sirius pressed his lips together, as if holding back a laugh, “Is there weed in these?”

Remus’s awkward silence was enough confirmation for Sirius. He stood there for a second, his eyes flicking between the bag and Remus, before bursting out laughing, leaving Remus to just watch him, as if stunned.

“Holy fucking shit,” Sirius said between breathless laughs, falling forward to put his hands on his knees, “You baked me fucking weed brownies?!”

“Jesus,” Remus winced, “Say that louder, would you? It’s not like Coach Kettleburn is right behind that door—“

“You baked me weed brownies, and kept them in your backpack all fucking day! Holy shit, I’m gonna cry!” Sirius’s volume seemed to increase, still basically dying with laughter. Remus wouldn’t be surprised if the whole school could hear him.

“Uhh, please don’t—“

“Oh my god, Moons— thank you so much.” He tried calming himself down, but it hardly worked, “I— I’d hug you, but I wasn’t lying when I said you smelled like shit.”

Remus and Sirius both snickered, Remus feeling lighter than he had all week.

“Listen, I’m not trying to steal your present or anything,” Remus raised his hands in defense, “But if you want, we could go back to my house and eat them. I’ll even shower— just for you.”

Sirius wiped the remaining tears from his eyes, nodding up at Remus with a smile.

“I’d love that.”

•••

“Your ceiling’s really bumpy.”

Remus begrudgingly opened his eyes, squinting towards the ceiling above him at Sirius’s words. He could just barely see Sirius pale arm pointing up from beside him.

“Yeah,” Remus squinted one eye shut, staring at the little, circular bumps. “Lowkey.”

“Like, reallyyyy bumpy.”

“Uh huh,” Remus nodded, his head heavy, his eyes nearly shutting against his will, “It’s popcorn.”

Remus heard the sound of Sirius’s head moving on the bed, causing Remus to slowly turn his to meet Sirius’s gaze. Sirius had one brow raised, his eyes half-lidded.

“Why’dya put popcorn on your ceiling?”

“I didn’t do it,” Remus clarified with a shrug, turning the rest of his body until he was fully lying on his side. Sirius matched the action. “It was like this when we bought it.”

Sirius hummed, nodding his head. “It is a poor person thing?”

Remus snickered, shutting his eyes as he laughed. “I mean, probably.”

“I’ve seen other poor people with ceilings like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhm,” Remus felt Sirius nod again, “Wormy.”

Remus opened his eyes to squint at Sirius, his eyebrows furrowing. “Worms isn’t poor.”

“Poorer than me.”

“Everyone’s poorer than you— you’re rich!”

“Yeah, so that makes everyone else poor.”

“That’s not how it works.” Remus shook his head, closing his eyes again. God, he was tired.

“I’m pretty sure it is.”

“Wormy’s, like, middle class.”

“The middle class of poor.”

“Dawg, what?”

“He’s the middle of the poor people.”

Remus furrowed his brows again. “I’d say he’s the high of the poor. I’m the middle.”

Sirius just hummed, apparently done with the conversation. For a while, the just lied there, eyes both closed, their breathing both slow. Eventually, Sirius broke the silence.

“I fucking hate pickles.”

Remus immediately broke into a fit of giggles as Sirius tried to explain himself, burring his head in Sirius’s sleeve.

“Like, they’re just fucking nasty. And wet. They actually make me want to puke.”

Remus was laughing too hard to response, his eyes squeezed shut against Sirius.

“Do you like pickles?” Sirius asked, moving his head to look down at Remus, “‘Cause if you like pickles, I might have to kill you. We couldn’t be friends anymore.”

When Remus didn’t answer, too absorbed in his laughter, Sirius nudged him, tapping on his head with his finger.

“This is important, asshole! Do you like pickles, yes or no?!”

“No!” Remus finally wheezed out, tears in his eyes. Remus could feel Sirius sigh in relief, as if Remus’s preference about pickles was really that important.

“Thank god.” Sirius groaned, “Looks like you’ll live to see another day. I might not, though— you have pickles in your fridge.”

“Yeah?” Remus asked, still smiling lazily.

“Yeah. I’m basically traumatized. I’m terrified.”

“When’d you go in my fridge?”

“Earlier?” Sirius said, squinting his eyes in thought, “How’d you think we got those chips?”

Remus opened his eyes to look over to the empty bag of tortilla chips on the floor beside the finished bag of brownies. Remus’s mom was 100% gonna kill him, but at the moment, he didn’t care.

Remus shrugged. “Magic?”

Sirius snorted. “Magic got chips for you?”

“Hell yeah— what else would it do?”

“I don’t know— magical things?”

Remus snickered. “Is chips magically appearing out of nowhere not magical enough for you?”

“I mean, I guess,” Sirius snorted, looking back up to the ceiling to think, “But I’d rather something more magical. I mean, really— would you rather have chips appear whenever you wanted, or be able to turn someone into a possum.”

Remus thought for a moment, genuinely considering.

“Uhh— chips.”

“No you wouldn’t!” Sirius exclaimed, far too passionately, “What about Snape?”

“What about him?”

“We could turn him into a possum! We could turn anyone into a possum! Imagine— possum Binns, possum Mcgonagall, possum Sluggy!”

Remus giggled. “We could have a whole possum army.”

“Yeah! Isn’t that so much better than magical chips?!”

“Uhh,” Remus thought once again, eventually shaking his head, “No.”

“Moonyyyy,” Sirius groaned, “Possums! Think possums!”

“I don’t know— those chip were reallyyy good.”

“Not good enough! Possums!”

Remus snorted, burring his head farther into Sirius. He could hear the boys breath catch for a moment before relaxing, his dramatic possum rant finally coming to an end.

Remus was on the brink of sleep, neither of the having spoken for a long time. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so relaxed.

“Moony?” Sirius spoke, his voice quiet.”

“Hm?”

“Would you rather—“

“No.”