Would You Rather

“How about whoever wins pays for all of us to eat at Olive Garden?”

“Ew,” Remus grimaced, “Why Olive Garden?”

“Moony!” Sirius gasped, placing an offended hand to his chest, “How could you not want Olive Garden?!”

“Because it’s ass?”

Another gasp from Sirius, this time joined by Peter.

“But the breadsticks!” Peter exclaimed, also apparently shocked by Remus’s distaste for the shitty restaurant.

“The breadsticks are ass.”

All three of Remus’s friends now gasped in unison. Even James, who was currently hyper focused on winning a round of Mario Cart against a bunch of bots on 200cc. To absolutely no one’s surprise, he was failing miserably.

“How could you not like the breadsticks?!” James threw his controller down, letting it hit his hardwood floors with a crack. Remus winced. “They’re the second best thing ever created behind football!”

Sirius gasped again. “I thought I was the second best thing behind football!”

James looked up at the ceiling and seemed to take a moment to consider, absently counting with his fingers for no apparent reason.

“Okay, they’re the third best thing behind football.”

Sirius blew James a kiss, and Remus rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, just pick a different place.”

“Well, your majesty,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “If Olive Garden isn’t good enough for you, what place would you pick?”

“Texas Roadhouse— duh.” Remus answered, no hesitation.

All three boys groaned in unison.

“Please, Lord,” Peter pretended to pray, “Save us from this guy’s shitty taste in food.”

“Hey—!”

“Wrap it up, Remus, we all know you only go there for the rolls.” Sirius announced dramatically, rolling around on James’s bed so he was lying on his back.

“No, the steak’s good too!”

They all groaned in unison, and Remus gave up on his attempt at convincing his annoying friends.

…

“Wait, guys— what about Cheese Cake Factory—?”

“Shut the fuck up, Peter.”

•••

“Please, Remus,” Sirius clasped his hands together, putting on his best attempt at puppy dog eyes, “Just let us help you.”

“I don’t need help,” Remus waved his friend away, “No one fucking decorates for Halloween.”

Sirius gaped at him. “Everyone decorates for Halloween! Are you stupid?!”

Sirius and James had arrived at Remus’s apartment far earlier than normal that morning with a massive Trader Joe’s bag, and matching grins on their faces.

It didn’t take a genius to determine they’d brought Halloween decorations— there were literally fake spider webs spilling out of the top.

“No— my parents would hate it!”

“Why?!” James exclaimed, “We’re just trying to show some spooky spirit!”

“Go show your ‘spooky spirit’ at Pete’s house then!”

Sirius’s smirk returned. “Don’t worry, Moons, he’s next on the list.”

Remus dragged his hand over his face, wishing he could somehow magically make his friends disappear.

With a sigh, Remus waved towards the watch on James’s wrist. “We wouldn’t even have enough time. We need to leave in like ten minutes.”

“Twenty-two minutes, actually,” Sirius corrected with one finger raised, “And clearly, you underestimate us. Decorating would take like five minutes— tops.”

Remus groaned dramatically again, shifting all of his weight onto the handle of his door and watching it swing pathetically. He was acting like a toddler, but he didn’t care.

“Fine.” Remus replied, shortly, “But you have ten minutes. I’m timing you.”

Sirius and James grinned and got to work immediately, shoving Remus out of the way with a huff and throwing the bag onto his kitchen counter.

Random items were being taken from the bag, and thrown left and right, very quickly turning Remus’s living room into what looked like a haunted house’s vomit.

“Guys, you’re making a mess—!”

“Hush, Moons,” Sirius shouted, despite only being a couple feet away, “Let the experts work!”

Remus sighed again, taking a seat on his couch to watch his two friends, and pettily setting a ten minute timer. “At least tell me if you’re doing the outside or the inside.”

“Both if we’re lucky!” James shouted as well, rifling his hand through the never ending bag. His friends had apparently never quite grasped the concept of “inside voices”. Thank god Remus’s parents weren’t home.

Sirius and James were frantically moving around the house, strategically placing severed limbs and synthetic spider webs everywhere try where. Not a single surface was ignored; they even placed a few plastic pumpkins on his fish tank.

James took an armful of items outside as Sirius thrust a bag towards Remus.

“Can you put these on your window?” He asked exasperatedly before running away to Remus’s bedroom, not bothering to wait for a response.

Remus looked down at the sheet of weird jelly pumpkins and ghosts he was now clutching to his chest, and with a roll of his eyes, moved towards the window near his front door.

Hs might as well help out— if wasn’t like he had anything better to do.

Remus watched James through the glass pane as he worked, snorting at the way he almost tripped down the stairs while distributing his plastic jack-o-lanterns.

Just as Remus had finished sticking the “Happy Halloween!” jelly thing onto the wall, he heard Sirius call from his bedroom. Reluctantly, Remus made his way towards him.

“Oh hell no—“

Remus didn’t even have the chance to finish his sentence before Sirius jumped onto Remus’s bed, rumpling all of his hard work.

Sirius had completely managed to change Remus’s bedding— now making his sheets and pillow cases sport an ugly pattern of orange with little black bats. There were also a couple spider webs on his bed frame, but those were irrelevant.

“Sirius,” Remus groaned, “What the hell’s wrong with you?”

Sirius just smiled and sprawled out farther onto his bed, sighing contentedly.

“You should invite us over more, Moony— I love your room.”

”Well, that makes one of us, I guess,” Remus snorted. “And what’s the point of going to my house when you and James live in a fucking mansion?”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You know that’s not the point.” He then pointed at Remus’s window, where now only Sirius’s football sign still remained hanging, with a grin. “Love the decoration by the way.”

Remus rolled his eyes and walked over to join Sirius at his bed. “The only reason the other ones aren’t up there is because the tape unstuck, and I was too lazy to put it back up.”

“Sureeeee,” Sirius drawled, a shit eating grin on his face, “Whatever you say.”

“Guys!” James burst into the room, his eyes frantic with excitement, “Come look!”

Sirius and Remus quickly hopped off the bed and followed James out of the apartment and down the stairs to view his work. Remus resisted the urge to roll his eyes once again.

Nearly every square foot of Remus’s walls were covered in spider webs— a few of them even having fake spiders climbing around. There were pumpkins everywhere, and Remus’s sad attempt at window art could be seen even from this distance. It was almost impressive how much decoration James managed to do in such a short amount of time.

Almost.

“So,” James asked, smiling wildly, “What do you think?”

Remus was about to answer when he caught sight of something orange out of the corner of his eye. Remus groaned dramatically.

“Damn it, Sirius, I can see the ugly ass bed sheets from here!” Remus whined.

Sirius just clapped Remus on the back and laughed at his misery.

“Trust me, the bitches’ll love it.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You’re such a fucking idiot.”

•••

The dreaded day had finally come— Remus was going dress shopping.

The girls had put him in some random group chat around a week ago, and ever since, they had been non stop blowing up his phone with annoying ass texts.

Every day, he received everything from pictures of their food, fit checks, relationship advice, and whether or not they should post certain pictures on instagram.

Remus was losing his mind.

And just to make matters even worse, his friends have been laughing at him about the entire situation from the start. Every time any of the girls’ names get brought up, they all collapse with laughter like fucking idiots.

In all honesty, Remus was just glad he was finally getting it over with.

He was anxiously leaning against his kitchen counter when his mom, Hope Lupin, entered the room— making her way over to stroke his hair. Remus tried to dodge the touch, but was unsuccessful. His mom just laughed.

“What’s got you so worked up?” She asked, an amused smirk on her pale face.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Dress shopping.”

Hope’s eyes widened, and she suddenly stopped moving, her hand still on the coffee pot. “Dress shopping?”

“Yep,” Remus sighed, not bothering to bring his head up to meet her gaze, and instead focusing on the tile of the countertops. “I’m being held against my will.”

His mom seemed to let out a sigh of relief and continued making her coffee. “Did you lose a bet or something?” She asked with a chuckle.

“Nope,” Remus drawled lazily, “I was trying to convince Lily to come to the dance, and she said she’d only go if I went dress shopping with her.”

“Hmm, Lily…” Hope reached up to one of the higher cabinets to grab a mug, “Is she your girlfriend?”

Remus’s head snapped up, and he immediately began waving his hands. “No, no, nothing like that— she’s just my friend.” His mom laughed at her son’s distress, and Remus continued frantically. “Really, I was just trying to get her to go because of James— he’s the one who wanted to go with her. I don’t like her— I’d never do that to James—“

“Don’t worry, sweetie,” Hope smiled softly into her mug as she stirred in some milk, “I believe you. When is Lily coming to pick you up?”

Remus let out a relieved sigh and went to check his phone, but before he got the chance, he was interrupted by the sound of a car horn. Remus jumped and moved to go look out of the small window by the door— his vision slightly impaired from the jelly things still sticking to it.

“Sorry, Mom,” Remus said distractedly, resisting the urge to groan as he stared at the blonde haired girl waving at him from old, grey Honda Civic in the parking lot. “They’re here.”

Hope laughed again as she sipped at her drink. “Have fun, honey!”

Remus turned his head back to his mom once he was through the door frame and waved at her before bounding down the steps towards the girls.

The car was very small— small enough that Remus had to slightly hunch over, even as he was sitting. All of the girls greeted him excitedly, and Mary even went so far as to grab his hand and jump up and down. Well, jump up and down as much as someone could while being held back with a seatbelt.

There was fake grass on the floors, and old Christmas lights draped across the ceiling. The steering wheel and dashboard both were decorated with crocheted coverings, and random little flowers were hung up everywhere. The car smelled like perfume and pine needles, which was a strange combo.

It was definitely much better than James’s car, which smelled of Little Tree air fresheners and dirty gym clothes.

“Lupinnn!” Marlene greeted warmly, twisting in her seat to dap him up. “You excited?”

Remus rolled his eyes sarcastically. “Of course I am— can’t you tell?”

The girls all giggled, and Marlene moved to sit correctly in her seat so she could back up. Despite all of his previous worries about this event, now that Remus was actually in a car with the girls, he felt oddly peaceful. Remus leaned back in his seat and looked over to where Lily sat in the passenger seat.

“Aren’t you guys cutting it a bit close with the dress buying?” Remus asked, “Homecoming is in like, a week.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Stop complaining, Lupin.”

Remus gasped. “I’m not complaining! I’m just telling you that your planning isn’t all that great!”

“Tell me, Remus, have you bought your suit yet?” Lily asked, accusingly.

Remus just snapped his mouth shut and turned to look out the window. Lily giggled at him. “That’s what I thought.”

“Whatever,” Remus rolled his eyes, “Thats different. Boys can all buy the exact same suit, and no one will say anything about it. Aren’t girls meant to have different dresses from each other?”

This time, it was Lily who was silenced, allowing Mary to fill in for her. “Very true, Lupin. That’s why we’re going to make sure to go to a ton of different stores so we can find the best options!”

Remus’s eyes widened in horror. “Are you being serious?”

Marlene snorted. “I’m surprised you still use that word, considering how often Black makes that stupid joke.”

Remus rolled his eyes once again and crossed his arms like an angry toddler. “Well, I thought this would be a safe space, but I guess not.”

All of the girls giggled, and they continued making conversation in the comfort of Marlene’s little car throughout the short drive to the mall.

The closer they got to the massive building, the more suicidal Remus felt. This might be the thing that finally kills him.

“I think I deserve a reward for doing this. Like Texas Roadhouse.” Remus said dryly. He could almost hear their eye rolls.

“Nice try, dude,” Marlene smacked him on the back of the head as she got out of the car, making Remus let out an embarrassing yelp. “At most, I’ll get you a free Dutch drink.”

Remus’s eyes widened excitedly. “Really?”

The girls just laughed at him, and Remus went back to sulking.

The mall was extremely crowded, which was a surprise to no one, considering the fact it was a fucking Saturday afternoon. Remus had already seen about twenty people from school. It was awful.

Remus suddenly felt around in his pockets and groaned dramatically. The girls all turned to look at him with amusement, probably already expecting his complaints.

“I forgot my wallet.”

The three girls snickered at him, and Marlene waved him off. “Good thing you’re not the one buying a dress.”

Remus groaned again. “But what if I wanted to get something from the food court?”

“Tough luck, Loops.”

Remus scowled. “You guys are evil.”

Remus was actually in hell. Like genuinely, this was what he imagines hell to be like— a bunch of girls throwing random dresses at him, while they endlessly walk through Dillards. To make matters even worse, Remus fucking hated Dillards. He didn’t really have a good reason, the place just gave him the creeps.

They hadn’t even tried anything on yet, and they’d been at the store for twenty minutes.

“Can you hold one more, Remus?” Mary asked, before proceeding to throw another red dress into his hands without waiting for an answer. Remus rolled his eyes.

“I’m like five seconds away from storming out and walking my ass home.”

“Shut up, Remus.” Lily said, not even bothering to look up from the rack of forest green dresses she was looking through. Remus huffed, but managed to contain his complaints.

“Remus, which color would look better on me?” Mary asked, holding up two red dresses in identical shades. Remus squinted to get a better look, wondering if it was his eyes tricking him, or if Mary was just an idiot.

“I genuinely can’t see the difference.”

Mary rolled her eyes and let out an annoyed huff. “Of course you can’t— boys never can.”

Remus gaped. “This has nothing to do with me being a boy, they’re just exactly the same!”

“FaceTime one of your friends then, and see what they said.” Mary commanded, gesturing towards Remus’s front pockets. Remus knew there was no point in denying her, so with as much attitude as he could muster, Remus pulled out his phone, and called Sirius.

He answered on the first ring, making Mary snicker.

Sirius’s face was extremely close to the camera, allowing Remus to only see his friend’s eyes and nose. “Moony! Do you need us to come rescue you?!”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Nope, I’m fine,” Remus suddenly got a genius idea, and a smirk broke out over his face. “But I’d love it if you could pick me up some Chipotle for when I get home.”

Sirius’s eyes moved left and right as he seemed to consider. “Fine. When’ll you be done? I’ll come deliver it to you personally.” He added a wink at the end, and Mary giggled, reminding Remus of her presence.

“Umm, I have no idea, but I actually do have a question for you.” Remus flipped the camera, allowing Sirius to see Mary holding up the dresses. “Can you tell the difference between these two dresses?”

“Uh, yeah? Duh.” Remus groaned, but Sirius continued. “The one on the left is more of a maroon, like a cooler red, while the one on the right is a brighter, more warm red. It almost looks orange. Definitely go with the one on the left, Macdonald!”

Mary was smiling brightly as Remus flipped the camera back around to give Sirius a murderous glare. “I fucking hate you.”

“Love you too, Moons! Text me when you’re done!” Sirius made exaggerated kissy noises, and Remus hung up without bothering to give him a reply.

“Okay, Sirius doesn’t count.” Remus put his fingers to the bridge of his nose, and added softly, “I knew I should’ve called James.”

They were finally in the dressing rooms. Each of the girls was in their own stall, while Remus sat outside on the nasty carpeted floor waiting for them. Every once in a while, one of the girls would come out, give him a 360, ask his opinion, and return back to the stall. It wasn’t too bad; Remus spent most of his time playing Blockblast. He was in an intense race with Sirius to be the first to get to one hundred thousand, and so far, Sirius was winning. It was absolutely tragic.

“How about this one, Lupin?” Marlene asked, bursting through the flimsy door.

Remus had quickly noticed that each of the girls had certain colors they liked the most. For Marlene it was black, green for Lily, and Mary had red. According to the girls, it was apparently very bad for two friends to have the same colors, so they all had to pick different ones.

Marlene was currently wearing a very short, black dress with two spaghetti straps, and a sagging neckline. There were also sequins all over the dress. Remus haters sequins. In all honesty, it was kinda ugly. Remus couldn’t contain his facial expression which said just that.

“Not my favorite. Lowkey hate it.”

Marlene hummed in agreement and looked down to inspect herself. “I agree— hate the neckline.”

Remus nodded, and watched Lily come out just as Marlene retreated.

“Is this color better than the last one, or worse?” Lily asked.

She had grabbed two tight, glittery dresses which were identical in everything but color. one was a lighter green, and this one was a much darker, more forest green.

“This one’s definitely better— it matches your eyes.”

Another thing Remus quickly realized was that if you give them actual criticism, they will move much faster. At the beginning, he just said both options looked good to avoid hurting any feelings, which would make them groan and start asking eachother. Clearly, he’s learned from his mistakes.

Mary had already decided on picking the dress Sirius had suggested for her, so instead of actually asking Remus’s opinion, she was just giving him a fashion show, and forcing him to take pictures for her Instagram.

As Remus adjusted his angle, bending down in a very awkward position to try and get the best shot possible, he heard Mary giggle.

“I love how seriously you take picture taking, Remus.”

“Have you met my friends?” Remus rolled his eyes, “If the picture isn’t absolutely perfect, Sirius will make me retake it a billion times until it’s good enough.”

Mary laughed again, and Remus finally took the picture, listening to the shutter of the camera. Remus grimaced at the noise.

Of course Mary would have her fucking ringer on.

Thankfully, the girls decided not to go to ‘a ton of stores’, and all managed to find all of their dresses at Dillards. Remus was currently considering thanking God for his incredible luck.

They did end up making Remus hold all of the massive dress bags, but he was too happy to be bothered. They even got him a Wetzel’s Pretzel as a reward. As they sat and ate, the dresses being carefully balanced on Remus’s lap, Remus finally decided to ask a very important question.

“Why do you hate James so much?”

Lily very suddenly choked on her pretzel, her freckled face quickly turning the same shade as her hair. All of her friends giggled at the reaction, and Lily glared.

“Do I really need a reason to hate him? He’s an ass, and he pisses me off.”

“Yeah, but why?” Remus prodded, not satisfied with the answer. “There has to be an actual reason.”

Mary’s smile was growing wider and wider, and she started to bounce in her chair. “Can I tell him the story Lily? Please?!”

“NO!” Lily shouted, her eyes suddenly going very wide as she waved her hands frantically. Marlene snorted, and Mary pouted.

“Pleaseeee! I’m sure he won’t tell anyone!”

Remus raised his arms in surrender. “I’m not promising that.”

Mary rolled her eyes at Remus, but Lily kept her glare. “No, Mary, and that’s final. Please don’t tell him anything.”

Mary pouted once more and mumbled a promise, which seemed to calm Lily down.

“I’m sorry, Remus,” She said, avoiding his eyes and looking down to her pretzel, “I just don’t want him to know about that.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Remus returned to his eating, catching the stray salt with his hand, and shrugged. “I was just asking because I knew James would ask me later. I’ll just tell him you think he’s an ass.”

The other girls laughed, but Lily smiled solemnly. “Thank you, Remus— that means a lot to me.”

Remus nodded, and they all went back to their food and conversation.

Alright, Lupin,” Marlene said, keeping her eyes on the road, but her voice firm. “Serious question.”

“Oh god—“

“What the hell is up with you and your friends’ dumbass nicknames.”

All of the other girls chimed in their agreement, and Remus groaned, dropping his head and digging his palms into his eyes.

“It’s so fucking stupid, you almost won’t believe it. Like genuinely so uncreative—“

“Just spit it out, Loops.” Marlene commanded, her voice leaving no room for argument.

Remus sighed. “Do you guys know Childish Gambino?”

“Um yeah?”

“Stop trying to switch the topic!”

“I’m not!” Remus nearly shouted, defensively. “Sirius had found out that Childish Gambino used this stupid name generator to make his name, so he made us all use it. He literally hasn’t dropped the nicknames ever since.”

“So the name generator was the one that came up with ‘Wormtail’.” Lily asked, seemingly unconvinced.

“Well, yeah— kinda. We shortened the names. The originals were ‘Moony Specialist’, ‘Pronging Wanderer’, ‘E-Ratic Pad Foot’, and ‘Scratching Worm Tail’.”

“‘E-Ratic Pad Foot?’.” Marlene snorted.

“I’m being deadass. It’s so stupid.”

”Lowkey, it totally fits him.”

“Could you do our names?” Lily asked, a look of shocking interest on her face. Remus sighed and got out his phone.

“If you end up hating them, don’t blame me.”

The girls all gave their agreement, and Remus looked up the name generator.

“Also, never tell Sirius about this, because he will absolutely start using the nicknames for the rest of your lives—“

“Get to it, Lupin!”

“Alright,” Remus started with Lily, putting her name into the app. “Lily, yours is ‘Dynamic Destroyer’.”

The girls all burst out laughing, and Lily’s face went bright red. “‘Dynamic Destroyer’?! That’s terrible!”

“I know! That’s what I was telling you!”

“Me next!” Marlene shouted excitedly, and Remus wrote down her name.

“Yours is… ‘Fearless Bandit’.”

They all laughed again, Marlene included.

“I’m totally making that my new wrestling nickname.”

Remus grimaced. “Please don’t. There’s no way I’m writing that on a sign.”

Marlene immediately turned around in her seat, causing them to dangerously swerve. “You’d make me a sign?!”

Remus shook his head with disappointment. “Sirius and James are definitely rubbing off on me.”

“Alright, now mine!” Mary grabbed Remus’s arm, leaning over so she could watch him put in her name. “Yours is… ‘Bittah Knight’?”

Mary’s face scrunched up, and Marlene snorted. “What the hell is ‘Bittah’?”

Remus shrugged and went to look it up, finding only a couple of results.

“Urban dictionary says it’s a gayer way to say the word ‘bitter’.”

The girls all died laughing this time, and Remus found himself joining them.

Maybe they weren’t so bad after all.

•••

“Stop being a sore loser, Wormy, just do it!”

“But what if my mom takes my phone and she sees it.” Peter whined, putting on his best pout.

“Then tell her it was a bet!” Sirius threw his hands in the air, clearly irritated, “Just do it!”

The boys had done a bet, and since Peter was the worst at deep throating his popsicle, he was being forced to get on a dating app, and catfish someone.

Was it stupid? Yes. Was it also a bit funny? Also yes.

After much convincing, they finally got Peter to reluctantly download the app. Now, their only problem was making the account.

“What should my name be?” Peter asked shakily. Sirius and James both instantly got into their “thinking positions” and held their chins.

“Mike Hawk?”

“Really, Sirius,” Remus sighed, “I thought you’d at least be more creative than that.”

Sirius scowled, and went back to thinking.

“Ben Dover?” James added.

Remus dropped his head to his hands in defeat. “You can’t pick a stupid ass name— no one will swipe on that shit.”

Sirius and James seemed to detest the idea, but they begrudgingly agreed, and went back to the drawing board.

“Simon Cowell?”

Remus reached his hand over to smack James’s forehead, knocking his glasses off of his face and ignoring the way he yelped and fell backwards.

“What about John Smith?” Peter squeaked, making Sirius groan.

“Like the Mormon guy?”

“Nice try, Pete.”

Once James readjusted his glasses, he raised one finger into the air to signal he had an idea.

“Steve Johnson!” James shouted, a huge smile on his face.

Remus gave him his best “unimpressed” look. “How the hell did you come up with that?”

“It’s not even funny.” Sirius was obviously sulking, but Remus chose to ignore that as well. It was impossible to deal with Sirius when he was in a bad mood.

“It’ll do— put it in, Pete.” Remus tried to say it in his most convincing voice— the way he had heard the girls speak to him. Pete quickly typed out the name.

“Alright— height?”

“6’5!” James said instantly, “We need to be tall! Alpha male!”

“Shut up, James,” Sirius rolled his eyes, “No one’s 6’5.”

Remus gaped at him in confusion.

“I’m literally 6’6.”

Sirius looked him up and down, scrutinizingly. “No the hell you’re not!”

“I am!” Remus fought back, despite the fact he sounded like a whiny idiot, “I was just at the doctors for the sports physical!”

“Nu uh!” Sirius crossed his arms defiantly. “You’re a liar.”

“Am not!”

“Are to!”

“Let’s go fucking measure ourselves then!”

“With what— the rulers we have imbedded into our eyes?!”

“No, a real goddamn ruler!”

“Both of you shut up!” James yelled, putting his arms between the two boys and halting their argument. “Jesus fucking christ— I have a measuring tape! Stop fighting and come with me!”

Both boys angrily stood up, with Remus even going so far as using his hand to measure himself up to Sirius, pissing the smaller boy off. Sirius scowled at him and moved ahead to walk in line with James, leaving Remus with an anxious Peter.

They walked themselves through James’s massive house downstairs and to the garage, where James pulled a measuring tape out of an old tool box.

“Alright, Sirius,” James waved his friend over with his hand, “You first.”

“Why am I going first?!”

“Because you started this,” James stated, leaving no room to argue. “Stand here and hold the bottom of this with your foot.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but did what he was told, waiting as the other boy pulled the measuring tape from his feet to the top of his head.

James squinted at the tape when he was done, standing on his toes a bit to get a better view. “Sirius, you’re 6’1.”

Sirius’s eyes widened, and a small smile replaced his scowl. “Really?! That’s one more inch than the start of the season!”

Remus rolled his eyes and pushed his friend out of the way, motioning towards James to measure him next. James easily complied and repeated the same process with Remus, this time needing to mark Remus’s height with his finger and bring it down to his eye level to read it.

“Wow, he actually wasn’t lying!” James smiled, “6’6!”

“WHAT!” Sirius yelled, running over to James’s side to look at where James was holding the tape with his finger.

Sirius snatched the tape from James. “Let me do it. You probably messed it up.”

James just backed up and shrugged, holding his hands up in surrender.

Sirius repeated the entire process one more time, and instantly looked pissed off when he saw the results. The angry boy snapped the tape in and threw it back to James.

“Whatever.” Sirius rolled his eyes, “Just make Steve 6’5.”

Remus chuckled and walked over to put a hand on Sirius’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, little guy. You’ll get to my height someday—“

Remus was unable to finish before Sirius was swinging his arms around and clocking Remus right on the nose.

Remus just gaped at him, clutching his nose and watching the way his friends all burst out laughing.

That fucking asshole!

•••

“Alright, Moony,” Sirius loudly slurped his slushy and turned around in the passenger seat to look at Remus. “I have one for you.”

“Please tell me you’re not talking about what I think you are—“

“Hush, Moons— let me speak.”

Remus huffed and slumped in his seat, but nodded for Sirius to continue.

They were currently waiting in the car while James and Peter ran into some random convenience store to buy cake mix and frosting. This was apparently James’s last ditch effort to get Lily to go to Homecoming with him. It wasn’t very creative, but in all honesty, it was the most likely out of everything he had done so far to work.

Only James and Peter were going in because Sirius was claiming he was “sore”, and Remus beat Peter in a round of Rock Paper Scissors.

“Would you rather be forced to only use a snake as a belt, and throughout the day, the snake would randomly bite you, and you would have to use a special type of anti-poison stuff—“

“Anti-venom?”

“Sure, anti-venom, whatever,” Sirius waved him off and continued, “You would have to use a special type of anti-venom every time it bit you, other wise you would transform into a blob fish and someone would have to throw you into a large body of water before you turned back to normal.”

“But couldn’t I—“

“Nope. You have to wear the belt everyday.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Where do I get the anti-venom?”

“Only Mr. Slughorn has access to it, so you’ll need to find a way to become his friend or some shit.”

“Why are all of your questions Slughorn related—“

“OR, your socks would permanently be soggy. Like twenty four seven just kinda wet. And, with every step you take, it would make a weird sloshing noise that everyone could very clearly hear.”

Remus grimaced and considered his options, taking a second to sip his own slushy.

“Would the snake bites hurt?”

“Not really.” Sirius shook his head aggressively, making him look like a shaggy dog. “It would just be a little pinch— like this.”

Sirius reached over and pinched a small part of Remus’s exposed arm with his ridiculously long fingernails, causing Remus to yelp and nearly spill his drink.

Sirius smirked, and Remus scowled.

“Dickhead.”

“Just answer the question, Moony.”

Remus thought for a second, sipping his slushy and narrowing his eyes at Sirius as he watched him.

Finally, Remus had his answer.

“The snake one.”

Sirius’s eyes widened comically. “‘The snake one’?! Why?!”

“I hate wet socks.” Remus repressed a shiver at the thought. “The second one sounds like a fucking nightmare.”

Sirius eyed Remus as if he was unconvinced of his answer until they heard the loud voice of James, followed by Peter, approach them.

“You’re a weird guy, Moons.”

Remus rolled his eyes, but didn’t bother disagreeing.

“Takes one to know one, dickhead.”