Would You Rather

It was the first of October, and that meant Remus was ready to start wearing sweaters.

Remus basically spent all of summer just waiting until the day it was finally socially acceptable to start wearing them again, and that day had finally come.

The first of October had become almost like a tradition for Remus and his friends— Remus would show up in a hoodie despite the ninety degree weather, and his friends would bully him about it relentlessly until he finally agreed to take it off and wait until the temperature dropped below eighty. It was a vicious cycle.

Remus looked at his reflection in his bathroom mirror and sighed. He was wearing a forest green hoodie with a shirt he liked underneath for when he inevitably took the hoodie off.

Remus heard his phone vibrate from where he left it on the sink and picked it up, seeing he had four messages— one from each of his friends, and one from Lily.

Every single one said the same thing.

“Take it off.”

Remus sighed, and the hoodie was begrudgingly removed.

Fucking assholes.

•••

Halloween was approaching, and Remus and his friends needed costumes.

Every year, they would plan some dumbass, elaborate costume that was so niche no one would understand, and every year, Sirius would get extremely disappointed when they had to explain their costumes to literally everyone.

So for that reason, Remus finally convinced his friends to pick normal costumes. The only part he didn’t account for was how hard buying normal costumes was.

They’d literally been at Spirt Halloween for an hour, and not a single thing had been bought. The only thing they’d decided on so far was some dumbass gravestone animatronic that had a spider pop out from behind when you got too close. It had scared the shit out of Peter when they first walked in, so of course, Sirius and James insisted on buying it.

“What if we get four of these and match?” Sirius asked with a mischievous grin; holding up a breathalyzer costume with the blowing part at the dick.

“Real creative.” Remus rolled his eyes, attempting to move away from Sirius to continue looking. Unfortunately, Sirius wouldn’t let him go that easy.

Grabbing another plastic bag, Sirius wacked Remus in the arm and waited for him to turn.

“How about this,” Sirius shoved the bag in his hand towards Remus, “‘Skele-boner’!”

With a groan, Remus threw the bag across the aisle and watched as Sirius ran to pick it back up like a dog playing fetch.

“Aww, come on Moony,” Sirius caught back up to Remus, still holding the Skele-boner bag, “I bet James would like it.”

“Go ask James then.”

In sync, both boys looked back and forth between the aisle, suddenly realizing that their other two friends were missing. Sirius turned back to Remus— a confused furrow in his brow.

“Where the hell is he?” Sirius asked, and Remus just shook his head.

The Spirit Halloween they were in was kinda like a maze— it was really easy to get lost in if you weren’t paying attention. The store didn’t connect in a circle, it just slithered you around until you were stuck in a tiny little corner with nothing but Skele-boners and sexy nun dresses. It was an unfortunate place to be— kinda reminiscent of the back of Spencer’s in a way.

Remus sighed and shook his head. “They’re probably still at the animatronic section— I think James is trying to get Peter to test them all out.”

Sirius snorted and nodded, following Remus as he began to walk back through the tight aisles. Sirius pushed a few angry shoppers out of his way, and Remus was forced to apologize for his friend’s utter lack of manners.

There were two animatronic sections— the one by the front doors, and the one on the complete opposite side of the store. The second one was in a sketchy corner; only making it that much easier to get scared. Remus would know— he’d been victim to that dumbass creepy clown jump scare far too many times.

When they finally made it to the front of the store, it was obvious James and Peter weren’t there— if they were, you’d probably hear Pete screaming.

Sirius groaned dramatically and slumped down into Remus’s chest, making him fumble to catch him.

“We’re never going to find them— the Annabelle doll’s probably stolen them away.” Sirius mumbled into Remus’s shirt

“My bet’s on the clown— I hate that fucking thing.” Remus shivered as he thought about it— the memories all coming back at once.

Sirius moved his head back, suddenly perking up and meeting Remus’s eyes with a shit-eating grin. “How could I forget ‘The Clown Incident of 2022’?”

“Sirius,” Remus warned, “Don’t you dare bring that up—“

“I’ll never forget the look on you face when we were at that house, and the clown—“

Without letting his annoying friend finish, Remus let go of Sirius and dropped him from his arms, watching in amusement as he flailed with a yelp and smacked the tile floor.

Remus fell over himself with laughter, managing to drop all the way to the floor beside Sirius. Sirius looked up at him with a glare and mumbled a few curses under his breath, but Remus could see the evil sparkle in his eye.

In one aggressive motion, Sirius grabbed Remus around his middle and flipped him all the way over his body— now putting Remus uncomfortably close to the animatronic display.

Despite the fact they were literally on the floor of a nasty ass Spirit Halloween, the two boys’ squirming quickly became a full blown wrestling match— both of them too stubborn to let the other put them in a headlock. Remus fucking hated wrestling, and wasn’t too big on touching people, but he wasn’t about to just let Sirius drag him around.

Sirius was shorter, but had more muscle, putting Remus’s lanky self in an unfortunate situation. With Sirius pushing him back, and Remus just trying to get away from Sirius, they were getting closer and closer to the animatronic sensors.

With a final roll, Sirius managed to get on top of Remus, sitting up on his stomach and straddling him with a celebratory cheer— a cheer which quickly transitioned into a scream about two seconds later when the same fucking spider that had scared Peter earlier jumped out and smacked Sirius right in the face.

Sirius jumped off Remus immediately, screaming at the top of his lungs like a fucking idiot and clutching his nose. Remus just laughed even more, now fully sprawled out on the dirty floor.

Not to long after, an employee came and told them to knock it off, causing a bitter Sirius to trail behind Remus once again as they finally continued their search for their friends.

“I won, by the way.” Sirius grumbled with a scowl. Remus smiled and ignored him, continuing to walk.

“I’m calling that ‘The Spider Incident of 2024’.”

Sirius gasped. “You wouldn’t! Don’t do this to me, Moony!”

“It’s going to be real funny when James buys that same spider and puts it in your room.” Remus joked with a smirk, “I’m totally telling him to do that—“

“Remus, I swear to god, I will murder you.”

“Oh, so it’s ‘Remus’ now? Someone’s getting serious.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Don’t make me fight you again.”

Remus put his hands up in surrender, and Sirius scoffed.

They were finally at the other end of the store, where another display of animatronics was waiting for them menacingly.

Remus made eye contact with the clown and shuddered, making Sirius chuckle.

“Well,” Sirius said, rubbing the fabric of the clown’s bow tie between his fingers. “Annabelle definitely took them.”

Remus slapped Sirius’s hand away from the clown and nodded in agreement.

“Okay, but genuinely,” Remus asked, looking around himself, “Where the hell are they?”

Sirius shrugged and looked as well. “They probably moved while we were distracted.”

“Yeah, distracted with ‘The Spider—“

Sirius held up a hand in warning, and Remus shut up.

Just then, both boys heard a rustle from behind, and whipped their heads around, finding only a metal rack holding a few costume props. Sirius and Remus shared a nervous look, and turned back to the clown.

They anxiously stared ahead for a few seconds before Remus spoke again.

“It was probably that spider coming back for round two—“

“Remus,” Sirius let out a sharp exhale through his nose, shutting his eyes, “This is your last chance.”

Remus brought a hand to his mouth to contain his laughter, but nodded nonetheless.

Suddenly, a scuffle of shoes against tile sounded from the other end of the aisle, once again whipping the two boy’s heads in its direction.

“Okay, actually though, no jokes,” Sirius said, shakily, “Are we about to get murdered?”

Remus shook his head and narrowed his eyes at the empty aisle. “Who the hell would murder us?”

“Annabelle? The spider? The clown?”

“The clown’s right behind us,” Remus waved a dismissive hand, “We’re fine.”

At the same time, a hand slapped down on both Remus and Sirius’s shoulders, causing both boys to turn around in record speed. Behind them were two people in werewolf costumes, who were now both yelling at Remus and Sirius. The boys returned the favor, and soon, all four of them were sitting there screaming at the top of their lungs. Sirius jumped away from the werewolves and leaped towards Remus, knocking them both over with a yelp.

The werewolves broke down laughing at Sirius’s reaction— taking off their masks to (very unsurprisingly) reveal James and Peter.

Both boys were wheezing so hard they couldn’t breathe, dropping their masks to the floor with the spider-gravestone and putting their hands on their knees.

“You should’ve seen your face, Sirius!” James managed to get out between laughs, his glasses slipping right off his face and onto the mask.

Peter nodded in breathless agreement, also rendered unable to speak thanks to his uncontrollable laughter.

Sirius finally managed to control himself and crawled off of Remus with an agitated glare.

“You didn’t scare me!” Sirius blatantly lied with a scowl, “I knew it was you guys the whole time.”

“Whatever you say, Pads.” Remus chuckled, dusting himself off as a got up from the floor. “We can call this one the ‘Werewolf incident of—“

“REMUS JOHN LUPIN!”

•••

“I’m totally voting you, Moons.”

Remus sighed and shook his head at Sirius. “Please don’t. I don’t think my social anxiety could handle that.”

Sirius scoffed. “It’s not that bad— I won homecoming court freshman, sophomore and junior year and I was just fine.”

“Yeah, but you’re you,” Remus waved his hand dismissively, attempting to focus on the names displayed on his laptop screen, “I would hate that.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, but eventually nodded in understanding. “Fine, I won't vote you— but you have to help me pick someone else.”

“I actually thought you’d just vote yourself.” Remus hummed in amusement.

Sirius gasped, offended. “Moony! I would never!”

Remus raised an unconvinced brow. “Really? You’ve never voted yourself.”

“Well, yeah, but that was the old me.” Remus rolled him eyes. “The new me is deciding to pass the torch of homecoming king onto someone else.”

“Really?”

“Yep.” Sirius nodded, “I don’t want it this year.”

“Why not?”

Sirius shrugged, and Remus scoffed.

“I think you’re the only person in the world to say that.”

“No I’m not— you just said the exact same thing!”

“Yeah,” Remus rolled his eyes, “But I’m me— I’m allowed to say that.”

Sirius scowled and rolled his eyes as well, returning his gaze to his screen.

Like every year before, all of the students were asked to go on their computers during English class and take a survey on who they wanted on the Homecoming court. This was actually the first of two times they’d have to do this survey— once to pick the nominees, and another to decide the actual winners.

The nominees would then be apart of some dumbass assembly, which was a combination of random events no one gave a fuck about, and publicly humiliating the homecoming nominees by making them play stupid games.

Basically, it was just all of Remus’s worst nightmares combined into one evil, obnoxious day.

Then, after the final votes were counted, the winners would be announced at halftime during the Homecoming game. They would all have to stand on the football field in front of everyone, and usually, the seniors would have these long ass intros created by their friends, which the announcer would read out loud. It was terrible.

Also, just like every year before, Remus had already decided on his nominations— James, Peter, and usually Sirius, but this year he decided to just pick Fabian Prewett. He had no idea who else to pick, and Fabian was the first name he saw.

For the girls, he just picked the only three he knew— Lily, Marlene, and Mary. He was still mildly dreading their dress shopping trip, but Lily assured him that the other girls were fine with it, and that he wouldn’t get shanked while at the dress store. He was still unconvinced.

His friends had bullied him relentlessly about the plans, but surprisingly, James wasn’t opposed to the idea of Remus picking a dress with his future wife. Instead, he just asked Remus to tell him the eventual color of the dress she picked out so he could get a matching tie. The wholesome idiot.

“You do know that everyone else in the school could still end up voting you anyway?” Remus mentioned as his name scanned over Sirius’s in the S section.

“Yeah, but I’m just going to ask the school to remove my name if that ends up happening.”

“Really? Like actually?”

“Yes,” Sirius sighed dramatically, “Actually.”

Remus just shrugged and went back to looking at names.

“You know what would be funny?” Remus asked with a smirk. Sirius snapped his head over to his friend— always eager to be apart of a joke.

“What?”

“If we convinced everyone to vote for James and Lily so they would have to be King and Queen.”

Sirius gasped dramatically and slapped his hand to his mouth. “You’re a genius, Moons! They’d have to do a dance and everything!”

Remus turned to face Sirius in excitement, nodding eagerly. “Exactly. James would love it, and Lily would hate it— a win-win situation for us.”

Sirius smiled brightly, nodding his head as well. “I love it when you come up with ideas— they’re always evil.”

Remus scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Oh come on, this one wasn’t even creative. I’m surprised you didn’t think of it first.”

“Me too! I was planning on closing my eyes and picking three random girls.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “Fucking dumbass.”

•••

Sometimes, Remus and Peter would stay after school and wait for James and Sirius’s practice to be finished, and sometimes they wouldn’t. It really just depended on whether or not they had made plans. That day, Peter and Remus were hungry, and their friends were the last thing on their minds.

The only problem with this was the fact that neither boy had a car. They relied way too much on James.

“We could just call an Uber?” Peter suggested, using one hand to shield his eyes from the sun as he scanned the parking lot.

“Nah,” Remus replied, “Ubers are sketchy.”

Peter giggled a bit and redirected his attention to Remus. “No offense, Remus, but I don’t think any Uber driver would be much of a threat to you.”

“Well, yeah,” Remus rolled his eyes, “But if they really wanted to, they could just shoot us.”

Peter shrugged and continued thinking.

“What about a Waymo?”

Remus let out an unintentional shudder. “Hell no— those are even worse than Ubers.”

“How? There’s no driver?”

“Exactly! Why the hell would you willingly get into a car with no driver?!”

“Maybe because we’re stranded at school with no way to get to a bakery?”

…

Godammit, he made a good point.

Remus grimaced. “I hate it when you’re right.”

Peter smiled triumphantly and pulled out his phone to call a Waymo.

As the boys sat there trying to figure out how the hell to order a Waymo, a janky, old pickup truck holding probably twenty teenage boys pulled up beside them.

“Loops!” Fabian yelled from the passenger seat, with his twin brother Gideon, who was on the basketball team, in the drivers.

“Need a ride?”

Remus cursed under his breath and looked down at Peter, who met his eyes with a nervous furrow in his brow.

“Umm, I think we’re—“

“Come onnnn Lupin! We’ve got plenty of room!”

Remus looked the truck up and down— not a single empty spot, not even in the back. he narrowed his eyes at the red headed boys.

“Literally where?”

“You could just squeeze in the back with the other guys!” Gideon replied this time, a friendly smile on his scarily identical face.

“Why does this feel like a kidnapping?”

Gideon snorted. “If you don’t get in, we’ll make it one.”

Remus and Peter’s eyes widened in sync.

“No thanks. Please, don’t.”

“We won’t have to if you just hop in— this could be my way of paying you back for taking that shift!” Fabian yelled from his seat.

Remus was still suspicious, but relented, walking towards the bed of the truck and jumping in with an obvious lack of grace. A couple of the guys sitting back there chuckled as Peter followed in much the same fashion.

Gideon called from the front to confirm everyone was in, and the old truck started squeaking its way through the parking lot. In the back, Remus was victim to a dap up from literally every passenger, with a few even going as far as giving him a slap on the back. Peter did not get the same treatment.

“Whats good, Lupin!” Kingsley Shacklebolt, another kid from the basketball team asked. “You excited for the season to start?”

“I guess. Not excited for all of my free time to be stolen away.” A few guys snickered, and Remus took another moment to assess the situation he was in.

“Wait a second,” Remus shook his head, “Why the hell is Fabian not at practice?”

“Injury.” Yet another basketball kid, Frank Longbottom, replied. “He fell off of a trampoline and sprained his ankle— I’m pretty sure his coach wants to murder him.”

Remus joined the boys in their snickering, amused by Fabian’s idiocy. It was exactly the type of thing he’d do.

The glass window above the back seat of the truck was harshly pried open with an awful scrape, revealing a random boy Remus was pretty sure he’d never met.

“Where do you need us to take you, Lupin?” The boy asked.

…

Um, okay, so maybe Remus had met him— he was just an idiot.

Remus looked over at Peter, considering whether or not he wanted to confess to the entire car their plans to find a random bakery and pig out. Eventually, his pride was sacrificed for hunger.

“Do you know any bakeries?”

The whole truck was full on laughing now, including the kid with his head through the window. “Of course you want food, Remus— no surprise there.”

Remus scoffed in disbelief— mildly offended. Who the hell was this guy?

Kingsley clapped Remus on the back and shifted over to join him at the window. “Tell Gideon to take us to Madam Puddifoot’s— I think I remember that place having some good chocolate cake.”

Wow, Remus must’ve been predictable as hell.

Peter grimaced, and yelled quietly to be heard over the wind. “I hate that place— it’s so frilly.”

All of the boys seemed to just realize they had another passenger, and craned their heads over to look at Peter, who immediately sunk in on himself and mumbled a quick “Never mind” at the attention. Poor guy.

The window guy nodded, yelling at Fabian to put the place into his maps— but he didn’t turn back around. “You play basketball, right Remus?”

“Uhh, yeah?” Remus yelled back, his body suddenly weighed down by Kingsley’s arm being slung around his shoulder. Definitely not the best position to be in when you’re in the back of a truck. He was definitely going to die.

“Maybe I’ll come watch a game sometime.”

“I mean, sure? If you want?” Remus replied, raising a confused brow.

“You’re a center, right?”

Remus was becoming more and more concerned by how much this kid knew about him. Maybe he did know him? He definitely didn’t look familiar. “Yeahhh, that’s right—“

“He’s the best!” Frank crawled up to the window as well, barging in on the conversation. “If you’re not captain this year, I’m rioting.”

Remus laughed nervously. “Ha, I mean, maybe.”

“Jackson, sit your ass down!” Gideon yelled, causing the boy, who was apparently named Jackson, to jump and slam the window shut— leaving a very confused Remus and a couple of laughs from the bed of the truck.

“Fucking pussy.” Some other random guy quipped, which was met with many nods of agreement.

Remus just sat there confused, eventually crawling back to his spot near Peter. Maybe Lily was right— he was definitely more popular than he thought. Peter just looked up at him uncomfortably.

“We should’ve gotten a Waymo.” Peter whispered, and Remus nodded wholeheartedly.

He really hated when Peter was right.

When they finally arrived at Madam Puddifoot’s— their hair thoroughly tousled, and their voices completely gone from yelling over the wind— literally every single boy started filling out of the car.

God dammit.

Peter let out a nervous squeak, which sounded strange as hell, but Remus couldn’t even judge him for it— he was feeling the same way.

They burst through the green, wooden door loudly— bringing a sudden increase of energy into the quiet shop. Many people, who were clearly on dates, turned to face the boys with irritated glares. Unfortunately, none of the rowdy boys seemed to notice. Or care.

Madam Puddifoot’s was indeed, as Peter described it, frilly. The entire shop had a very distinct theme of green and pink decor, with lacy white table cloths and bouquets of flowers on literally every surface. The shop was naturally lit from all of the windows, making the entire place seem to glow. Madam Puddifoot’s was packed to the brim with people on dates, but it always seemed to be quiet despite the fact. That was probably why their loud group was drawing so much attention.

Although it was most known as a date spot, there was no denying that Madam Puddifoot’s had incredible pastries. In all honesty, If Kingsley hadn’t suggested it, google probably would’ve instead.

“Loops and his friend can go first— they were the ones who had the idea!” Fabian yelled, making Remus wince. Peter looked throughly put out at the title of “Loops’s friend”, and Remus tried to give him a comforting pat on the back.

“We should’ve just watched their practice.” Peter whispered.

“Absolutely not— have you never had Madam Puddifoot’s cake?”

“Uh, no?” Peter quirked a brow.

“Then I’m about to change your life.” Remus joked, and Peter returned a weak smile.

Yeah, they definitely should’ve just taken a Waymo.

•••

“Alright, I took your advice, and I’m ready to try again.”

Remus raised an unimpressed brow. “Really?”

“Yes really!” James stated firmly with a nod of his head. “This time I actually have a good one.”

“Alright, fine,” Remus sighed. “Go on.”

Remus and James were supposed to be working on a math review for their upcoming test, but unsurprisingly, they were having a hard time focusing.

“Okay, so— would you rather have to fight 48 chicken sized babies, or 300 baby sized chickens?”

“First of all,” Remus sighed, bring his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “Babies and chickens are about the same size, so that entire question is just fucking stupid.”

James rolled his eyes as Remus continued. “And second— It’s still not good enough! You literally gave a perfect one like two weeks ago, James!”

“When?!”

“I don’t remember,” Remus sighed exasperatedly, “It was that stupid one about Slughorn!”

“Ohh, that one!” James waved dismissively, “I just made that one up on the spot because Sirius told me you’d like it.”

Remus narrowed his eyes. “Did he really?”

“Yep— and clearly he wasn’t wrong.”

“Well then,” Remus refocused his attention, “If you can make them up on spot, just do that!”

“You want me to make one up?” James asked again, raising a bushy eyebrow behind his glasses. “Right now?”

“Yes!” Remus groaned.

“Okay, okay.” James cleared his throat. “Would you rather be forced to act in a movie which ended up becoming super popular, but you would have to co star with Mr. Moody—“

“Who’s Mr. Moody?” Remus interjected.

“The guy who monitors the gate near my house?”

“Oh,” Remus rolled his eyes, “Him.”

“Anyways,” James waved a hand, “You’d have to co star with Moody, and he would be your love interest, so you’d have to kiss him and have sex and stuff—“

“Why the hell would I have to have sex with him!?” Remus shouted, scandalized. “It’s a movie!”

“I don’t know, the directors wanted to make it realistic.” James shrugged.

“That would just make it porn!”

“Well that’s how Euphoria was, and you didn’t complain about that!”

“Yeah, but I’m pretty sure the cast of Euphoria weren’t actually fucking each other in those scenes.”

“How would you know,” James narrowed his eyes suspiciously, “Were you there?”

Remus stared at James, his jaw dropped in utter dismay.

“Of course I wasn’t fucking there! What the hell’s wrong with you!?”

“How would I know!” James threw his arms up in surrender, “Maybe you were friends with one of the cast members or something and they invited you on!”

“Why the hell would they do that!”

“I don’t know,” James shrugged again, “It happened to me one time.”

“Wait, really?” Remus’s eyes widened, instantly distracted, “What movie?”

In all honesty, it 100% sounded like something James might’ve done. Remus believed it without question.

James shrugged. “I don’t remember.”

Remus’s jaw dropped once again. “How could you go to the set of a movie, and not remember what it was!? Who was the person that invited you?”

“Oh, I don’t know— some friend of my dad’s.”

Remus rolled his eyes. “You’re so full of shit.”

“I’m not!” James shouted, “I really did!”

“Whatever, Prongs, get back to your question.”

“What question?”

“The Would You Rather one!”

“Ohhh…” James nodded and looked around the classroom, staring at the math posters as if they’d give him ideas. “I don’t remember it.”

Remus dropped his head and let it slam against his wooden desk with a thunk.

“I hate you.”