Chapter 11- Fourth Year
A few weeks had passed since the Quidditch incident, and the boys were lying in their beds, tossing around ideas for Halloween that upcoming Wednesday. "Well, it’s also Sirius’s birthday this weekend," James mentioned casually, and Peter made a noise of interest, clearly understanding the implications. Remus, however, froze. He hadn’t realised Sirius’s birthday was coming up, and a small pang of guilt tugged at him. He glanced over at Sirius now, who, despite the conversation unfolding around him, seemed detached, his eyes lazily flicking between the boys with little interest. "You’re right," Peter chimed in, his voice thoughtful. "We could just mix the two together. Plus, it wouldn’t make much sense to have a party on a Wednesday night."
"You know what would be really funny?" James asked, his voice filled with barely contained amusement. "What?" Peter responded, and Remus could hear him turning over on his bed, clearly curious. "If we got everyone to dress up as Sirius for his birthday," James continued, clearly enjoying the thought. "You know, give it a little Halloween spin." The idea was so ridiculous that Remus couldn’t help but laugh, the image of a whole room full of people mimicking Sirius’s swagger made him grin. As he turned to look over at his friend, he noticed that Sirius, too, had a small smile tugging at his lips.
Remus had assumed that a conversation about a party thrown just to celebrate him would make Sirius beam with excitement, but as he continued to glance over, he noticed something strange. Instead of the usual playful grin or enthusiastic response, Sirius seemed distant, lost in his own thoughts. And judging by the furrow in his brow, those thoughts didn’t seem to be of the happy variety.
Later that night, when Peter and James were both asleep, Remus quietly slipped out of his bed and made his way to Sirius’s. He pulled back the drapes with a soft rustle, and his suspicions were confirmed when Sirius’s wide-awake eyes met his. "Hey," Remus said softly, his voice a little uncertain. Standing there, he suddenly felt awkward, unsure of what to say or do next. Sirius, as if sensing his hesitation, made the decision for him. He shifted over, and Remus took the unspoken invitation, easing himself down onto the blankets beside him.
"What’s wrong?" Remus asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. He turned onto his side, eyes searching Sirius’s face in the dim light, wanting to understand whatever was bothering him. Sirius rolled over as well, and in that small movement, they were suddenly much closer than Remus had expected. He could see every detail of Sirius’s face—the sharp angles of his jaw, the slight shadow under his eyes—and it all felt so much more personal in the soft, quiet darkness.
"I got a letter from my parents—well, my mother, really," Sirius began, his voice cold, and Remus could see the flicker of something dark in his eyes—something that could only be described as hatred. "The letter was for my birthday," Sirius continued, his words growing more clipped, "but instead of wishing me a happy fifteenth, she reminded me of my duties as the heir to the Black family." With every word, the anger in his tone deepened, and Remus could hardly blame him. He felt a knot tighten in his own chest.
Sirius shifted onto his back, staring up at the ceiling with a frustrated sigh. "This time, they decided to tell me they’ve made me a suitor. And that over summer break, I’m supposed to attend all these ridiculous soirées to find my future wife." The words dripped with mockery as Sirius mimicked the tone of his mother, a posh, snobbish affectation that made Remus’s stomach churn.
Remus was stunned into silence by the news. It wasn’t that pureblood families arranging marriages was all that surprising—if anything, it would have been more shocking if they didn’t. But Sirius always seemed different to Remus, like he was above those old traditions. It had never crossed his mind that Sirius would still be bound by his family’s beliefs, no matter how fiercely he rebelled. "What would happen if you just… refused?" Remus asked slowly, knowing full well that the thought had probably crossed Sirius’s mind a thousand times before. Sirius let out a heavy breath before answering, his voice tinged with bitterness. "A few years ago, I would’ve said that the fear of them hurting me would have made me refuse," he said, his words trailing off as he fell into a contemplative silence.
He turned back around to face Remus, and for the first time, Remus saw the unmistakable fear in his eyes, a fear he’d never expected to see in Sirius. "But I’m no longer scared of their pain," Sirius continued quietly. "Yet... I still can’t refuse." He fell silent again, and it took Remus a moment to realise that Sirius was waiting for him to ask. Waiting for him to understand. "Why?" Remus asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
"They know I’m not scared of the pain anymore," Sirius said, his voice quiet but resolute. Remus, still struggling to understand, found himself staring into Sirius’s eyes, hoping to find the answer there. He didn’t need to look for long, though, because Sirius spoke again, his words cutting through the air with a painful clarity that made Remus’s heart ache.
"But they know Reggie still is."
It was Tuesday afternoon, and Remus and Lily were tucked away in the library, studying in their usual quiet routine after classes—well, that was until their friends burst in like a whirlwind. "Why am I being invited to Sirius’s party again?" Lily asked later, her tone laced with a hint of exasperation as she glanced up from her notes. Sirius grinned, his signature smirk pulling at the corners of his mouth. "Well, I like to think we’re basically best friends now, Red," he said, clearly relishing in the reaction he knew would come. Lily raised an eyebrow, not even bothering to look up from her Charms essay. "I would much prefer you keep your delusions to yourself," she muttered, her voice deadpan, as she turned her attention back to her work.
"Lily, you're invited because I’d like to think you’re basically my best friend now," Remus said, giving her what he hoped was a convincing smile. Lily held out for about three seconds before her lips tugged into a reluctant smile of her own, and Remus felt his own expression soften into something more genuine. "Fine, I’ll go to Sirius’s party," she muttered, though the glint in her eyes gave away that she was secretly pleased. She wasn’t as pleased as James, however, who was practically bouncing with excitement and giving Remus an exaggerated thumbs-up from across the room. Remus silently thanked whatever cosmic force that Lily hadn’t seen it.
"Right, well, I’m going to talk to the twins and see if they can get us any alcohol," James declared, and Remus could hear the unmistakable groan of despair from Lily’s direction. Mary and Alanza immediately perked up at the idea, launching into an excited conversation about all the drinking games they could play. Peter listened in with a small, content smile, clearly enjoying the lightheartedness of the moment. Remus couldn’t help but notice how much happier Peter seemed these days; he must’ve talked things through with Alanza, Remus thought.
Sirius, however, didn’t look nearly as impressed by the idea of their group being "graced" with Alanza’s presence again. He was leaning back in his chair, arms crossed, eyes narrowed, his usual aloof expression in place. Remus still didn’t fully understand where the irritation was coming from. He couldn’t recall any particular incident between Sirius and Alanza that would warrant it, but it was clear something was off.
Marlene, James, and Sirius had started whispering among themselves on the other side of the table, and Remus couldn't shake the feeling that it had something to do with him. Every few seconds, one of them would glance over at him, then quickly turn back to continue their hushed conversation, their heads leaning in close. It was starting to make him feel uneasy, the flickers of their eyes in his direction only adding to the tension. The whole thing had an oddly familiar feel, especially after the whole suspicious Sirius fiasco.
"Hey, Remus...?" Sirius asked carefully, his voice quiet, and Remus turned to see James and Marlene watching him with cautious expressions. Sirius, however, didn’t seem nervous in the slightest; instead, he wore that familiar, sweet smile that always made Remus drop his guard. "Since it’s my birthday this weekend…" Sirius began, and Remus immediately sensed where this was going. His gut tightened, preparing for something rebellious.
"Do you think you could get some of that weed?" Sirius finished, his words hurried but his gaze locked on Remus in that way that always made him cave almost instantly. James jumped in, voice eager. "We’ll give you money for it," he added quickly, glancing between Remus and Sirius. Marlene nodded along, her enthusiasm barely contained. "It’d be perfect for the party!" Before Remus could respond, Mary’s voice chimed in from across the room, as if the idea had already taken root. "Ooh, that would be great. Could you do that, Remus?"
Remus knew his answer was already a reluctant yes, but he decided to have a bit of fun with it. He leaned back, adopting an exaggerated air of mock seriousness. "I don’t know, Sirius," he said with a heavy sigh. "I know you’re turning fifteen and all, but I just think it’s so irresponsible to be smoking weed at our age. I just don’t think I can enable that kind of behavior," he added, giving a regretful look that was so obviously fake it could’ve been seen a mile away. Lily knew he was lying straight away and let out an amused snort. Almost everyone else looked confused, except for Marlene who had a small smile playing on her lips. James, however, was oblivious as always. "But you’ve smoked weed," he pointed out, his voice unintentionally incredulous.
Remus couldn’t hold it in any longer and let the grin he’d been suppressing spread across his face. "Obviously, I’ll get you the weed," he said, and instantly, the tension lifted from the group. Sirius, who had been watching him with a raised brow, shook his head in amusement. "And Sirius," Remus added, "I’ll cover yours as a birthday present. Everyone else might have to give me money for it, though." The group let out a collective murmur of agreement, with promises of payment being tossed around. Well, everyone except Lily, who just rolled her eyes and muttered, "Fuck off," when Remus turned to her as a joke.
"You know what, Remus? I’ll pay for everyone," James decided after a few minutes of discussion, his voice full of sudden resolve. "I’m a rich bastard, and I should probably take advantage of that." Marlene raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "You do realise, you paying for our weed is us taking advantage of it, right?" James shrugged in that effortlessly arrogant way of his, the kind of shrug that suggested he’d already thought of that and didn’t care in the slightest. "Even better," he said, grinning.
A few days later, Gryffindor was seated in Defence Against the Dark Arts class, and Remus felt as though the weight of the world had settled on his shoulders. His eyes flickered to the front of the room, where Highcart stood, his fingers tapping against the desk as though the very rhythm of his movement was a constant reminder of his superiority. He had already made six pointed remarks about Remus's lack of experience—each one more cutting than the last. Highcart’s voice rang out, smooth and insufferably patronising. "Now, the freezing charm and fire-making spell can be quite tricky, especially for those with limited experience in elemental magic." His eyes flickered over the class, pausing just long enough on Remus to make sure the message landed. "Not everyone has the benefit of a proper education, after all."
Six. That was the sixth one. Remus clenched his fists under the desk, biting back the sharp retort that tugged at his throat. If only his wand could freeze the words before they reached his ears. But no. He had to remain composed, had to keep the anger from bubbling over. It was taking every ounce of restraint not to snap at him.
"Mr. Lupin," Professor Highcart’s voice cut through the room like a blade, smooth but laced with an undercurrent of mockery. "Why don’t you come up here and demonstrate the fire-making charm for the class?" Remus didn’t miss the fake smile that stretched across Highcart’s face—he’d seen it too many times to mistake it for anything but insincerity. He groaned inwardly, but he didn’t let the frustration show. Slowly, almost mechanically, he rose from his seat and made his way to the front of the class. Highcart’s eyes followed him with too much attention as he flicked his wand with an exaggerated flourish. "The spell is called Incendio, and the motion is a simple flick of the wrist, like this."
Remus didn’t bother replying. He was too exhausted to feign interest. Instead, his eyes locked onto the balls of cotton laid out on the desk in front of him, the inanimate objects that he was supposed to set alight.
The Defence professor demonstrated first, and Remus watched with reluctant attention as the ball of cotton burst into flames, flickering and crackling for only a moment before it quickly burned out. The spell itself seemed simple enough—nothing that should have posed a problem. Remus hadn’t encountered a charm yet that he couldn’t manage, but for some reason, a tight knot formed in his stomach. A nagging feeling he couldn’t quite shake whispered that this time would be different. Highcart’s eyes met his, and Remus braced himself for the inevitable. With a slow, deliberate gesture, the professor motioned for him to take his turn, his lips curling into that signature, patronizing smile. The one he kindly reserved just for Remus.
Taking a deep breath, Remus forced himself to ignore the scornful gaze of his professor, focusing instead on the cotton ball in front of him. The familiar, sharp prickling of anxiety crept up his spine, but he shoved it down. "Incendio," he muttered under his breath, flicking his wand in the prescribed motion. A wisp of smoke would have been at least something, but the cotton ball remained stubbornly unchanged. Heat flooded his cheeks as embarrassment washed over him. Great. He cleared his throat, trying to shake off the discomfort. With a little more urgency, he tried again. "Incendio." His voice was firmer this time, but the result was the same—nothing. Not a spark. Not even a flicker.
He could practically feel Highcart’s smug grin in the silence of the classroom, but Remus didn’t give him the satisfaction of a glance. He kept his eyes fixed on the cotton, fighting the rising frustration that threatened to boil over. "Well, that’s a shame, Lupin," Highcart’s voice was as smooth as ever, each word laced with thinly veiled superiority. "Not that I’m surprised. This spell does require a certain level of education, after all." That made seven. Seven comments that only served to fuel the fury simmering just beneath the surface of Remus’s skin. He clenched his fist around his wand, the urge to punch his professor in his stupidly mustached face raised dangerously close to the surface.
Remus turned to retreat back to his desk, but Highcart’s voice cut through the air, halting him in his tracks. "Maybe you’ll have better luck with the freezing spell." Remus squeezed his eyes shut for a brief second, silently pleading to any deity that might be listening for the strength to get through the next five minutes. He couldn’t bring himself to glance at his friends, not wanting to see the pity that he knew would be written all over their faces. A wave of frustration tightened his jaw, but he bit it back. With a heavy sigh, Remus turned back to the cotton balls, forcing himself to focus on the task at hand.
"Now, the incantation for this one is Glacius," Highcart’s voice was almost sing-song as he waved his wand. He demonstrated the spell with a practiced flick, and instead of the cotton freezing as Remus had expected, the air in front of them shimmered and solidified into ice. Remus blinked, taken aback by the unexpected display, but quickly masked his surprise, restoring his face to its neutral expression.
Before Highcart could even manage another patronizing look, Remus steeled himself. He raised his wand, pointing it at the air in front of him. "Glacius," he muttered, almost as if he were daring the universe to let him get this right. To his surprise—and his relief—the air in front of him froze exactly as the professor’s had, the icy tendrils spiraling out and solidifying into a crystalline sheet. Remus had braced himself for another round of humiliation, so the unexpected success left him momentarily stunned. For a brief second, he even allowed himself a flicker of satisfaction. But Highcart’s face, which had shifted from surprise to something resembling a hardened scowl, quickly erased any sense of victory. "You can return to your seat now," he said curtly, the words cutting through the room with sharp precision.
Remus nodded, not trusting himself to say anything, and moved swiftly back to his desk. The weight in his chest felt lighter, the flush of embarrassment from earlier starting to dissipate as he sank into his seat. "You did so well with the second spell!" Lily’s voice was bright with praise, her smile wide as she looked at him. Remus turned and smiled back. "Thanks," he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "The first one... was a bit of a disaster." Lily just sent him a reassuring smile. "Everyone has their strengths and weaknesses," she said, her voice soft but firm, before turning her attention back to the lesson.
Lily’s comment lingered in Remus’s mind, and before he knew it, he was transported back to their Divination lesson from a few weeks ago. The memory hit him like a jolt of lightning—a sudden flash of realisation. He remembered Mary’s words: according to her, his element was water. Water. It made sense now. The fire spell had been a struggle from the very start—it was the complete opposite of what he was naturally attuned to. Of course, that would explain the difficulty he'd faced with Incendio, as opposed to how effortlessly he’d managed the freezing spell. The elements, in their way, had their own pull on him. He could almost see the connection now, like a puzzle piece snapping into place.
A small smile tugged at his lips, but he quickly swallowed it, turning his attention to Sirius, who was sitting just a few desks away, casually leaning back in his chair with his usual nonchalance. Remus hesitated for only a moment before making up his mind. The only way to test this theory, to confirm if it was more than just coincidence, was to see what happened when Sirius tried the same spell. After all, Sirius was the opposite of him in every possible way. If anyone was likely to struggle with the freezing spell... it would be him. With that thought in mind, Remus turned his gaze back to the lesson.
About ten minutes later, the class split into pairs to practice the new spells. Remus scanned the room briefly before calling out, "Hey, Black." Sirius turned from his conversation with James, the trademark smirk already settled on his lips. "Yes, Lupin?" he replied, stepping closer, his expression one of mild amusement, like he already knew something ridiculous was coming. "I want to test something out," Remus said, his tone more serious now, watching the way Sirius’s curiosity piqued. "Can you perform the fire charm?" he asked.
Sirius raised an eyebrow, a mix of confusion and amusement spreading across his face. "You want me to perform the fire charm?" he asked, his voice laced with dry humor. "You know, the one I was already planning to perform? The one we’re all supposed to be practicing?" Remus’s lips twitched in spite of himself. "Just humour me," he said. Sirius looked at him for a moment, clearly trying to decipher whether Remus was playing some kind of prank. But after a few seconds of consideration, he shrugged and turned toward the cotton ball in front of them. "Alright, alright," he muttered, the familiar grin tugging at the corners of his mouth as he raised his wand. "Let’s see if I can burn this thing."
It was only then that Remus realised he had once again left Lily to pair up with James. A twinge of guilt shot through him, but as he glanced over to check on her, he was relieved to see that she didn’t seem upset at all. In fact, she was leaning in slightly, her hands animated as she carefully explained the wand movement to James, who was listening with intent.
When Remus turned back around, Sirius was watching him with a raised eyebrow, clearly expecting something. "Well?" he asked, his tone teasing. "Did you want me to perform the spell?" Remus snapped out of his brief moment of distraction. "Yes—sorry," he muttered, shaking his head. Sirius’s smirk deepened, clearly enjoying the moment. Without another word, he raised his wand. "Incendio," he said with a flourish, and in an instant, the cotton ball burst into flames, flickering and crackling before slowly burning out. Sirius turned back to Remus, his grin wide and smug.
"Is that what you wanted? To see if I could perform the spell when you couldn’t?" Remus didn’t dignify the question with an answer, instead rolling his eyes with an exaggerated sigh. "Just perform the other spell now," he snapped, a mix of impatience and amusement in his voice. Sirius gave him another dramatic eye roll, still grinning. "Alright, alright," he muttered again, turning back to the cotton ball. The spell didn’t really require much concentration, but with a flick of his wrist, he attempted the freezing charm.
Remus wasn’t surprised when Sirius failed to make the freezing spell work. The frustration was clear in his face as he tried and tried again, but the air in front of him remained stubbornly unaltered. Slowly, as each attempt failed, the tension in Sirius's posture grew, and Remus could almost feel his frustration boiling over. Finally, Sirius turned back to Remus, his eyes narrowing as he took in his expression. "You knew that was going to happen," he said, a note of disbelief creeping into his voice. "How?" Remus gave a small shrug, his gaze flicking briefly to the cotton ball before meeting Sirius’s eyes. "When there was such a big difference in how well I did the fire and water charms, it reminded me of what Mary said in Divination," he explained, his tone calm but thoughtful. Sirius still looked a bit lost, so Remus tried to clarify, his voice a little more patient. "You know, with the elements and how our hands showed us what element is our strongest? Yours was fire, and mine was water."
The moment the words left his mouth, understanding flickered across Sirius’s face, his eyes lighting up with curiosity. "Ah," he said, as realisation dawned on him. "Wow, okay. But... does that mean I’ll never be able to perform a water spell?" His voice carried a hint of worry. Remus thought for a moment, looking down at his wand in his hand. "I don't think so," he replied softly, then looked back up at Sirius. "I mean, maybe it's just more... difficult. But we could always try to help each other, right?" Sirius’s expression softened, and the worry in his eyes faded just a little. He nodded slowly, a faint grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "Alright, then," he said with more confidence, "let’s see if we can figure this out."
They spent the rest of the lesson exchanging tips and offering each other guidance as they practiced the spells. It was a mix of trial and error, with laughter and a few groans along the way, but by the end of the lesson, their efforts had paid off. Remus, though still not as confident with the fire spell, managed to produce a spark—small and flickering, but a spark nonetheless. It wasn’t nearly as strong as Sirius’s, but it was a start. On the other side, Sirius had managed to freeze a section of the space in front of him, his concentration intense as the air shimmered and turned frosty. It wasn’t perfect—a thin layer of ice, but it was a solid improvement from where they’d started.
Remus left the class feeling much better than he had expected, especially considering how the lesson had started. He couldn’t help but feel a little lighter after the progress he and Sirius had made. "Seems that ditching me for Sirius worked out better this time," Lily’s voice broke through his thoughts, and he turned to see her walking up behind him with a playful glint in her eyes. Remus winced, immediately feeling guilty, but his nerves eased when he saw the small, teasing smile tugging at her lips.
"Sorry about that," he muttered, offering her a sheepish grin. "I just needed to test a theory." Lily raised an eyebrow. "Hmm, yes, Sirius was telling us about that—something about your elements?"
"Yeah," Remus said, his smile growing as he remembered the conversation with Sirius. "It was really interesting, actually. I didn’t expect it to have such an impact on my magic." They continued walking toward the library, the easy rhythm of their steps matching their conversation.
Once they reached the library, they found a quiet corner to sit and continued talking about the elements in more detail. Lily seemed genuinely interested as Remus explained more about what Mary had said in Divination, and how it seemed to tie into his struggles with certain spells. She listened carefully, nodding thoughtfully every now and then. Lily was silent for a moment before reaching for one of the books on the table. "If you’re interested in learning more about elemental magic, I can recommend a few books. They go into a lot of detail about how different elements can impact your magic and the spells you can perform. I think it’ll help." Remus made a mental note to check them out later. "Thanks, Lily," he said, grateful for her help. "I’ll definitely take a look."
Later that night, the Marauders were deep in an incredibly important discussion—Sirius's birthday playlist. "Right, well, I refuse to listen to that American boy band," Sirius declared, flipping through his record collection as the others argued over what music to play. "What, the Beach Boys?" Peter asked, clearly amused. "Hear, hear," Remus muttered, giving a small, appreciative nod in Sirius's direction. Sirius shot him a grateful look before continuing, "You know what, let's just put a ban on all American music."
James, who had been digging through Sirius's discarded pile of records, looked up with a grin. "The Eagles aren't bad."
"I do like the Eagles," Remus added, chiming in with an easy agreement. Sirius sighed dramatically, tossing an album onto the pile. "Okay, fine, the Eagles are allowed." He paused, distracted as he flipped to another album in his collection. "But that’s it. No more American music, and that's the rule."
"Did you manage to get the alcohol?" Peter asked, glancing over at James, who was rummaging through his things. "I talked to Fabian yesterday," James explained with a grin. "He said he can get us a bottle of fire whiskey and a carton of beer." The others let out collective sounds of excitement at the news, and Remus couldn't help but chuckle at their enthusiasm. Peter leaned over from his bed, eyeing Remus curiously. "What about the weed, Remus?"
Remus had been given four galleons by James the day before for the weed, but he hadn’t had the chance to go to the greenhouses yet. The boys were still pestering him about who he was getting the weed from, and Remus found it increasingly amusing to dodge their questions with vague answers. "I’m going back tomorrow night," Remus answered casually. "That’ll probably be the best time to catch them." He tried not to show the slight tension in his chest as he thought about it. He was hoping they would be there tomorrow, because he really didn’t want to disappoint Sirius on his birthday.
"Will we fit everyone in here?" Remus asked, glancing around the dormitory, trying to mentally rearrange the space. "We should be fine if we move a few things around," Peter replied, Remus nodded, assessing the room. "Yeah, eight of us shouldn’t be a problem. Just as long as we don’t break anything." They had decided that holding the party in their dormitory was the best option, considering the illegal substances they were going to have and the noise they were going to make.
Remus found himself looking forward to Saturday more than he ever thought he would. He had never had friends before, so the idea felt surreal. He had read about teenage parties in books—games, alcohol, music—but he had never experienced one firsthand. In truth, he wasn’t entirely sure what to expect, and that uncertainty made the whole thing feel even more exciting. "Saturday’s going to be brilliant," James declared enthusiastically from his bed, finally setting aside the pile of records he had been flipping through. Remus smiled, agreeing wholeheartedly. He turned to glance at Sirius, who was also grinning from ear to ear. Their eyes met, and Sirius gave him a playful wink. "As long as we don’t listen to that American boy band."