Keep on keeping on

Hermione’s hands flew to her mouth and her face lit up with excitement.

“Harry! What did you just say!” Hermione laughed through her glee and tears peppered her eyes.

“I s-said everything w-went b-brilliantly!” Harry replied, repeating his words. Hermione jumped on her friend and enveloped in a bone crushing hug. Harry didn’t care though. His friend sobbed tears of joy into his shoulder.

“Oh Harry. I’m so proud of you!” The girl whispered, her hands clasped either side of Harry’s head and she stared intently into his eyes. Harry smiled and relaxed against the contact. He was finally starting to feel happy at Hogwarts and Harry allowed that feeling to let him float through the coming weeks as if on a cloud.

As the small, black haired boy grew more confident, his spell work improved, and his grades increased. But there was something that Harry couldn’t shake. A feeling of unease crept up on Harry like a shadow, following him everywhere and dulling his senses. Harry didn’t know why and, quite frankly, he didn’t want to find out. He was terrified that finding out would burst that perfect little bubble that Harry had been living in. But that bubble would burst and the morning of Halloween – it did.

As All Hallows Eve morning dawned, and cold October light streamed through the windows, Harry woke in a cold sweat. He bolted upright in his bed, his sheets sticking to his clammy skin. Harry’s breath was coming in thick and fast. He placed his trembling hand on his chest, trying to slow his breathing. Harry tapped his fingers together in a repeated pattern and his breathing began to even out. Harry closed his eyes and the nightmare that woke him replayed in his mind. His eyes burned as a shocking jet of green light flashed before them. A woman’s scream pierced his mind, leaving his ears ringing and his head throbbing.

“Another nightmare muteboy?” Ron snarked. Harry looked over at him and saw the red headed bully staring at him, hatred blazing in his eyes. Harry looked away quickly, refusing to acknowledge the boy any further. “Try casting a silencing charm next time. We don’t want to be woken up by the likes of you.” Ron turned away from the boy, laughing loudly. Harry’s face flushed.

“F-Fuck off Ron.” He muttered under his breath. In hindsight, that was not the best thing to say but Harry still felt shaky after his nightmare, and he really didn’t have the patience to ignore Ron anymore. That was a mistake.

“What did you say to me, freak?” Ron rounded on him, his face as red as his hair. Harry shook his head as Ron ran over to him. The larger Gryffindor grabbed Harry’s shoulders and pushed him roughly into his bed. Harry paled and began shaking again.

“Eh, nothing to say now? You were so full of it just now. Go on say it to my face!” Harry shook his head again and found his words failing him. Ron pushed his finger into Harry’s face, shaking it threateningly. “Do not talk back to me again or you will regret it.” Harry nodded meekly, submitting to the boy that towered over him. Ron scoffed and stalked away, not even bothering to look back at the cowering child.

After trying to shake off the event of the morning, Harry left the dorm room and walked down to the common room to wait for Hermione. He curled up in the familiar armchair and, rather than getting out a book to read, Harry trained his eyes on the staircase and waited. 30 minutes later, Hermione emerged. She spotted Harry and walked over to him.

“You ready to go to breakfast?” She asked innocently, completely unaware of the turmoil that churned inside Harry. The boy nodded, stood up and began to walk towards the portrait hole. Hermione watched Harry and finally noticed that something was wrong. She ran after him and grabbed him by the shoulder. Hermione noticed the flinch as he pulled away from her.

“Harry? What’s wrong?”

Harry turned around to face her. He stammered for a moment and began to panic when his words failed him again. Hermione rubbed his arms soothingly and nodded reassuringly, glad that he didn’t pull away this time.

“N-n-nothing. J-just a nightmare.” Harry stuttered, stumbling over his words.

“Harry?” Hermione said warningly. Harry sighed.

“J-just Ron. H-he said s-something ab-about my n-nightmare. I-I replied a-and I-I shouldn’t h-have. He p-pushed me a bit.” Harry’s speech was still stunted, despite Snape’s help. Despite being happy about having his voice back, the stammer made the boy ashamed of himself.

“Harry! That’s not okay. You’re allowed to stand up for yourself. Talk to Professor Snape. He can help.” Hermione exclaimed. She was shocked but Harry’s confession stirred up a memory inside of her. Hermione rubbed Harry’s arms again and walked out of the common room with him, heading for the Great Hall.

Throughout breakfast, Hermione’s mind was reeling. Harry’s admission about Ron’s behaviour allowed for something to click into place in her brain. Ever since Harry and Hermione had become friends again, small snippets of Hermione’s memories had been returning. It had felt weird, like she was viewing someone else’s life through her own eyes. She had seen the events of the train ride and Harry’s panic attack in the bathroom. She remembered Harry fainting and small parts of the conversation with McGonagall slipped through the cracks. But after the incident with Ron this morning, Hermione’s memory of Harry with a huge bruise and his tearful confession that Ron had hit him had slammed into the girl’s mind. Everything was suddenly clear. Hermione felt the spell break and the fog lift. Hermione remembered everything.

Harry’s day continued to take a downward spiral. He felt the eye’s following him as he walked through the hallways. He heard the whispers that were spoken behind hands and saw the pointing. Harry felt himself growing smaller and smaller as the day wore on. He heard himself getting quieter and quieter. Harry walked into potions, glad that it was the last class of the day and that after the bell rang, he could crawl back into bed.

The potions classroom was dark, vapours of potions fumes twisted into the air and formed mysterious shapes, illuminated by the flickering candlelight. Snape stood tall and ominous at the front of the classroom, observing the first year students that entered. He watched Harry slink in and take the seat in the furthest corner. The boy sat heavily down on the chair as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. Snape realised that the boy was probably feeling like shit today of all days, so he allowed him to sit quietly, undisturbed.

The class continued, relatively uneventfully. Snape watched the students throughout his lesson and saw some strange things. Harry was quiet throughout, not even speaking to Granger. He passed potions ingredients to her silently and Granger accommodated him. She allowed him to chop and dice whilst she brewed. But the thing that Snape saw that worried him the most was the hateful glares that were directed at Harry from the red-headed Weasley. Weasley hadn’t stopped glaring at Harry the entire lesson. Snape remembered the memory that he saw of Weasley hitting Harry. He knew that there was no love lost between the pair so the only conclusion that the man could come to was that something else had happened.

As class ended and the students filed out, chattering excitedly about the upcoming Halloween feast, Snape called out to Harry, asking him to stay behind. He heard the Weasley boy scoff and mutter something under his breath. This further confirmed Snape’s suspicions. When the classroom was empty and only he and Harry remained, Snape gestured for the boy to sit.

“Harry. Is there something that you would like to tell me? You seem particularly… particularly sad today.” Snape asked, searching for the right words to say. Harry shook his head but stopped abruptly. Severus watched the boy’s eyes, seeing a thought flash behind them. The boy fiddled with his fingers, like he normally does when he’s anxious.

“Harry?”

“I-It’s nothing P-professor. Really. J-just been f-feeling rubbish t-today a-and I-I don’t know w-w-why.”

“Did something happen with Mr Weasley?” Ah. He’d hit the nail on the head now. Harry ducked his head and the finger fiddling increased. Snape waited patiently, allowing Harry to collect his thoughts.

“Y-yes sir. I had a n-nightmare this morning a-and I d-disturbed the dorm. R-Ron was angry and I t-told him to…” Harry trailed off, realising what he had said. He couldn’t admit that to Professor Snape.

“What did you tell him, Harry? You won’t be in trouble if you were standing up for yourself.”

“I-I told h-him to… to f-fuck off.” Harry whispered, hanging his head in shame. Snape tutted.

“Whilst I do not condone that kind of language, it was not fair of Mr Weasley to admonish you for disturbing the dorm. What happened next?” Snape said sternly, but his voice was laced with warmth.

“H-he pushed me. Th-threatened me a bit.”

“Thank you for telling me that, Harry. Are you ok?” Harry nodded at the question and waited patiently. “Can you tell me what the nightmare was about?” Snape continued. Harry shrugged, not willing to discuss it. Snape jerked his head encouragingly, trying to get Harry to continue.

“I-it was h-horrible. T-there was a g-green light and a loud scream. B-but I d-don’t remember that e-ever happening to me.” Harry stumbled out. Tears slipped from his eyes. Snape paled out Harry’s description of his dream. He was horrified at the fact that the boy remembered his mother’s death. Lily’s death. Snape held back the tears that he was wanting to unleash.

“Harry. That’s completely understandable that you would struggle today.” Snape explained. He watched Harry’s face twist in confusion and realisation struck Snape. The boy didn’t know. He didn’t know what today was!

“Harry, do you know the importance of today?” Snape asked cautiously. Harry shook his slowly. Snape took a deep breath and readied himself for the conversation he was going to need to have “Okay. On Halloween, ten years ago today, your parents were murdered. I know that Miss Granger explained to you about the circumstances of your parents’ deaths, but it was on Halloween and that is probably why you have been struggling today.” Snape explained simply, not bothering to sugar coat the horrible truth. Harry had been lied to his entire life and Snape did not want to continue that. Harry gulped and his face drained of colour.

“T-today. It w-was today! T-that’s why e-everyone is whi-whispering and p-pointing at me!” Harry shouted. He stood up angrily from his chair and began pacing back and forth.

“Harry, take a breath. I know that this is upsetting but it was only fair that you should know.” Snape said, holding his hands up placatingly. He was wary of the boy now and he didn’t want Harry to fall into a fit of panic.

“W-Was that my M-M-Mum. In my n-nightmare. Was that my M-Mum screaming. Did I s-see my M-Mum die?” Harry screamed. He hands found his head and he began banging angrily.

“Harry. Stop that please.” Snape said sternly. He needed the boy to calm down. But Harry just grew more agitated.

“No. N-No. I-I c-can’t do this. J-just STOP!” Harry screamed again and then ran from the room, leaving a bewildered Snape behind.