Keep on keeping on

Severus watched the boy in detention the next evening. He had Potter in his classroom scrubbing all the cauldrons without magic and he was doing it without complaint. In fact, there had not been a sound from the boy. No protesting, no groaning like he gets from other students. Minerva was right.

Harry had entered the potions classroom the next evening nervously. The last time he’d been in the same room with the man he’d caused a panic attack and dropped the bombshell that his parents were dead. So yeah, Harry was nervous. He had never had detention before. When Harry walked into the room, the professor was sat behind his desk, staring at the boy.

“Good evening, Mr Potter. For the punishment of being out after curfew, you will be scrubbing all the cauldrons. Without magic.” Snape drawled, waving his hand in the direction of the wall that held all the cauldrons. Harry nodded mutely and set to work, eager to get this over with.

For an hour, Harry scoured at the cauldrons, scraping all the goo out of the bottom. He wasn’t angry at the task; he’d cleaned more and worse things at the Dursley’s, but he was angry at Snape. Throughout the detention, Harry had kept sneaking glances towards his professor. The second Harry had started his punishment, Snape had disregarded his paperwork and begun staring at the boy. Harry felt his eyes on him, and it made him uncomfortable. Why was the man staring at him? Harry was already doing the job, without complaints, so why did the professor insist on watching his every move? Couldn’t the stern man just trust him?

After two hours, all the cauldrons were gleaming, all remanence of potion removed. Harry rubbed his hands on his trousers and stood up. He walked over to the professor’s desk and stood silently in front of it. Harry waited anxiously to be noticed and shifted nervously on his feet. Snape’s head snapped up at the movement and he looked at Harry quizzically.

“Are you done already, Potter?” Snape asked, tenting his fingers on the desk. Harry nodded.

“Normally it takes students twice as long.” Harry shrugged and looked away.

“Well then, I will need to check.” Snape stood up from his chair and walked towards the cauldrons.

Severus inspected Harry’s work and was shocked at how clean they were. No student had ever done as well as Harry, nor had they completed it so quickly.

“It appears I am wrong. Well done Mr Potter.” Snape said, slowly. It hurt him to praise any student but looking at Harry’s face, the sad look in his eyes, Snape felt like the boy deserved some compassion. Snape sighed and decided it was time to have a conversation with Harry.

“Have a seat, Potter. It’s time we talk.”

Snape observed the boy sat before him. Harry was clearly nervous; he was tugging at his fingers again like he did that time in Diagon Alley. Minerva’s words swam in Severus’ head. Whilst he wasn’t one to discount the reliability of his colleague’s observations, he felt that he needed to come to his own conclusions.

“Mr Potter. Professor McGonagall came to me last month with some concerns about you. Some serious concerns that she felt needed to be addressed. I know that she has already spoken to you, but I wish to speak to you as well. If I am going to help you, I need to understand some things about you.” Snape explained slowly. He was wary but he persevered. Snape watched Harry’s body language. Confusion was evident on the boy’s face. The man understood that Harry would be confused. He had not exactly been kind to the boy and Snape regretted pushing the boy away and refusing to acknowledge the boy’s problems. When Harry made no noise and no attempt to reply, Snape was reminded of Minerva’s correct observation. The boy could not speak. At the revelation, the professor watched Harry reach into his pocket and pull out a notebook and begin to write.

[You hate me, Professor. Why are you helping me?]

Snape sighed at the boy’s words and thought for a moment.

“I do not hate you, Potter. I had a difficult time when I was at school with your father and when you started here, I struggled to overcome those feelings, and I treated you poorly. For that, I apologise.” Snape replied, sincerely. Harry nodded and looked at the man again.

[I didn’t realise you knew my dad. I’m sorry.]

“You do not need to apologise Potter. Your father’s mistakes are not yours to atone for.”

[Either way. I’m sorry. But Sir, there isn’t anything wrong.]

“Please do not lie. You disclosed some things to Professor McGonagall and those things cannot be forgotten.” Snape said sternly. Harry flinched at his tone and shrank into himself.

“I apologise for my tone. But this is a serious matter. If any of what Professor McGonagall told me is true, then you deserve some help.” Snape whispered, his black eyes flashing with concern.

[Why do you care? I told Professor McGonagall and now she’s ignoring me. I am a freak, and I scared everyone away!]

Tears began to flow from Harry’s eyes as he slammed his notebook down on the desk for the professor to read. Harry wrapped his arms around himself and squeezed tightly.

“Harry?” Snape murmured. He reached his hand across the desk, but Harry flinched away. Snape retracted his hand and closed into a fist tightly.  He sighed before continuing.

“Harry, look at me.” Harry raised his head and looked at the professor through blurry eyes. “Professor McGonagall does care. I promise you that. But… it’s complicated… I- I don’t have all the details but what you need to know is that she does care. She came to me asking for my help and I agreed that I would. I know that I didn’t come to help you straight away, but I am here now, and I hope that you can let me in. I know that you don’t trust me right now, but I hope that, with time, you will start to.”

Harry nodded and sat quietly. After a few moments passed, Harry reached for his notebook again.

[How will you help me, Professor?]

When Harry looked at Snape, Severus saw that the boy looked so young and fragile. Snape’s heart of stone began to break. He was angry at himself for not helping sooner. He was angry at Dumbledore for taking everything away from this boy. Snape knew that this would be a hard road to go down. He knew that it would be hard to help this boy but everyone else had abandoned him. Dumbledore had taken Minerva away from Harry and Snape suspected that he had taken Miss Granger away too.

“We will start by helping you to talk again, and we shall go from there.”

Harry nodded.

[Okay. Thank you. I don’t know if I ever can, but I will try.]

“I know that you can Mr Potter. I believe that you still have a voice, it has just been temporarily locked away. Once your voice returns, your magic will find its voice too. We will begin tomorrow. Please come back to my office tomorrow at 6pm.”

Harry let out a sigh of relief and stood up to leave the office. Turning around, Harry looked at his professor. Harry clasped his hands together and tried to open his mouth to say thank you. When no words came out, a tear slipped from his eye, and he looked pleadingly at Snape. Snape’s face softened and he tilted his head towards the boy, understanding what the boy was trying to say.

“I know, Harry. I know.”

The next morning, Severus went on the hunt for Harry’s friend. When he found Miss Granger, lurking quietly in a dark corner of the library, he approached her.

“Miss Granger. Could you please come with me?” Snape asked, his face not giving anything away. The young girl looked up from her books and was startled when she saw who was standing before her.

“Professor. Of course. Am I in trouble?” Hermione whispered, her voice wavering.

“Not at all Miss Granger. I just need to have a word with you, that’s all.” Snape turned to leave, his robes billowing behind him. Hermione stood up and followed meekly behind him.

“Miss Granger. What is your relationship with Mr Potter?” Snape asked after they both took a seat in his office.

“Harry Potter?” Hermione replied, cocking her head in confusion. Snape nodded. “There isn’t one, Professor. I mean, he’s in my house and we’ve crossed paths but that is about it.”

Snape thought for a moment. His suspicion was right – Albus had interfered with this friendship.

“Miss Granger. Please think carefully before you answer this. Does your memory seem muddled, or do you feel like you’re missing pieces of your life from about a month ago?” Snape inquired cautiously. He watched as Hermione’s face twisted and darkened as she thought about his question.

“I think so, Professor. About a month ago, I remember waking up in my bed and not being able to remember how I got there. That morning was the first time I spoke to Harry. He wrote in a notebook, something about how I was supposed to meet him early and go down to breakfast together. He seemed adamant that it was a routine.” Hermione explained.

“Thank you for sharing that. Do you remember at all about this routine?” Snape asked, raising his eyebrows.

“No! Not at all, Professor! I’m sorry if I’ve upset him Sir, but I really don’t remember talking to him.” Hermione pleaded, her eyes shimmering with tears.

“Please do not get upset, Miss Granger. I despise crying children. This is not your fault. I truly believe that you do not remember but I do believe that there is something to remember.” Severus drawled, frustrated.

“What do you mean!” Hermione demanded, leaning forward in her seat.

“Miss Granger, I understand that you are confused but please remember who you are talking to. I believe that someone has decided it would be appropriate to remove your memories of your friendship with Mr Potter. From what I can gather, you met on the train and forged a friendship. I am yet to establish why someone thought your friendship was not something that should be pursued but I do know that Mr Potter is feeling very alone and could do with a friend.” Snape explained. He knew that he was lying to the girl. He knew exactly who removed her memories and he was working on an explanation as to why, but he decided that it would not be a good idea to explain this to the girl yet. If Albus learnt that Severus knew of the boy’s plight and was attempting to help him, Snape would be the next one at the receiving end of an obliviate. Snape could help Minerva and Miss Granger, but removing a memory charm was an intricate and dangerous magical feat. It required trust and understanding and Severus wanted to spend his time and energy on the boy that the moment. Hermione had still not said a word.

“Miss Granger? I understand you are in shock. I do think that I can return your memories but for now, I implore you to try and re-forge a friendship with the boy.”

“Okay Professor. I can do that.” Hermione nodded.

“Thank you. If you have any concerns or questions about Harry or his behaviour, please come to me. I understand that you would normally go to your head of house, but I oversee Harry’s care at present so please let me know.”

Snape signalled that the conversation was over, and Hermione left his office, a thousand thoughts running through her mind.

Now alone, Snape paced his office and thought of all the ways he could help Harry. He knew occlumency would be required and trust – a lot of it. Difficult memories could come up and Harry would be reluctant to talk about it. But Snape knew that he would need to in order to get past the vocal block. Snape had a day free of lessons so, until the evening, he set himself to reading all the books and materials that he could find on the subject.