sirius
Dead poets society
Members-
Sirius Black
Remus Lupin
James Potter
Peter Pettigrew
Meeting place- ?
Sirius stared at the blank page, sucking on his bottom lip. Four members was a solid club. Not as many as he’d like, but enough. Besides, this wasn’t a club for just anybody. You had to be serious about poetry. (He, of course, was always Sirius.)
Sirius knew quite well that poetry was not the sort of thing he’d typically be into. Sirius Black liked pranks, partying, rock and roll, and hot girls. When Sirius Black snuck out at night, he got drunk and caused trouble and lost more points for Gryffindor than every other student combined (excluding James, of course). When he snuck out at night, it was certainly not to read poetry in a small group and reflect on the marrow of life or whatever the professor had said. But something had changed in the past month. Maybe it was the professor, Keating, who was the realest and coolest professor he’d ever had. Maybe it was the poetry itself, especially the stuff by that Walt Whitman, that touched him in the way nothing but David Bowie music ever had before. Maybe it was the reason he’d joined the class in the first place, which he tried not to think about too often because it got him upset and Sirius Black rarely got upset. Or maybe it was Remus Lupin, his desk mate whom he’d decided to befriend, to the other boy’s seeming chagrin.
Whatever the reason, Sirius was more stirred up by this Dead Poets Society idea than he’d been in a while. It was a nice feeling.
It wasn’t, he assumed, as nice a feeling for his friends, who were beginning to tire of hearing about the idea, but he didn’t give a single fuck. He’d assembled the three members: Remus, who admittedly knew far more about poetry than him; James, because he was James and he’d do anything with Sirius; and Peter, who was Remus’s friend so, Sirius assumed, must be pretty cool despite his awkwardness. The other boy seemed to have high standards for his friends, which had become quite an inconvenience to Sirius. Sirius Black loved a challenge, and perhaps that was why he found himself so drawn to Remus- the only bloke in the Gryffindor house who didn’t want to be friends with him. Well, fuck that. Sirius’s gut had never led him astray, and his gut was telling him that Remus Lupin and he were meant to be friends. Sirius was going to get to him and this Dead Poets Society was going to help him with that.
And perhaps he’d embarrassed himself a few times along the way- something he was not used to at all- but he was sticking to it no matter what. He knew Remus wasn’t particularly stirred up about it, but he didn’t give a fuck. They were going to find a meeting spot and read poetry and Remus was going to enjoy it. And he was going to see just how cool Sirius really was and they were all going to become friends.
Forming The Dead Poets Society was a good idea, and Sirius Black did not give up on ideas. Not the bad ones, and especially not the good ones.
Speaking of the bad ones.
Sirius closed the notebook and tossed it aside as a figure appeared in the doorway of his room. Messy hair, glasses, and a wide grin that Sirius couldn’t help but return.
“You got it?”
“I got it,” James sang, holding up a vial of clear liquid triumphantly.
“Fuck yes!” Sirius pumped his fist in the air and leapt off of his bed to do his and James’s special handshake.
“Truth or dare is gonna get real interesting tonight,” said James, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Things could use some spicing up around here.”
James was still grinning, teeming with an excitement that had infected Sirius as well. “You got the bottle?”
Sirius retrieved the bottle of firewhiskey from the bottom drawer of his nightstand. James headed over to the nightstand and the two of them sat down on the floor, James on Sirius’s discarded, crumpled up robe, Sirius right beside James’s old shoes.
James wrinkled his nose when he noticed the top of the firewhiskey bottle. “What is that?” he asked.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know what a cork is?”
“I know what a cork is, but last time it was one of those twisty cap things.”
Sirius shrugged. “This should be easy enough.” He gripped the cork and fiddled with it, trying to pull it out without making a noise or spilling the whiskey everywhere. “Fuck,” he mumbled.
“Lemme try,” James said, reaching for the bottle.
Sirius batted his hand away. “I’m about to get it.” He bit into the soft wood of the cork and attempted to pry it out with his teeth.
“Merlin, just give it here.”
“I’m about to get it!” Sirius’s voice was muffled, his teeth still around the cork.
James grabbed hold of the bottle and pulled it right out of Sirius’s mouth.
“Hey!”
James grinned triumphantly and took the cork between his fingers. “Watch and learn, bitch.”
“I drooled all over that, y’know.” James’s features were screwed up in concentration and effort as he attempted to pull the cork out of the bottle.
Sirius gave him a few seconds of grace, in case he actually did manage to get it out, before laying into him. “See? Not so easy, is it?”
“I’m getting it!”
Sirius watched James with raised eyebrows as he put literally all of his arm strength into pulling on the cork. If it did come out at this point, Sirius was absolutely sure that it would explode all over the place and cover James with liquor. Which would actually be really fucking funny, but would kinda ruin the party that night. Finally, he looked up to meet Sirius’s gaze and his muscles went slack with defeat. Panting like he’d just finished a quidditch match. Sirius smirked. Served him right.
Sirius’s smirk seemed to enlighten something in him, and he sat back up with newfound determination. “No,” he said, with an over dramatic resolve in his tone. “I’m not letting it beat me.”
“My hero.”
James grinned, giving Sirius a wink, and brought the bottle up to his mouth to bite into the cork the way Sirius had.
“That was literally in my mouth. You’re basically kissing me right now.”
James’s teeth remained clamped around the cork. He was tilting his head this way and that, trying to slowly ease it out, and to Sirius’s surprise, it seemed to be working. The cork was inching out with each tilt of James’s head. His next words came out muffled by its soft wood.
“Oh, Pads, you know you’re quite a handsome bloke, but there’s only room for one in my heart.”
“Like Lily’s gonna fall for some guy who’s giving a blowjob to a bottle.”
“Hey, I’m almost-” There was an abrupt pop as the cork finally came loose. Just as Sirius had predicted, the strength James had been applying to the bottle was far too much and the force of his arms pulling sent the bottle flying down towards the robe he was sitting on. The robe cushioned the fall, thankfully, but liquor sprayed up from the bottle to splash onto James’s face, splattering all over his glasses and soaking his bangs. Pulling off his glasses and wiping at his eyes with his sleeves, James gave Sirius a flat look, liquor dripping from his hair, greatly resembling a drowned rat.
Sirius snorted out a laugh, throwing himself backwards to lay on the floor, kicking his feet in the air childishly.
“It’s in my eyes!” James whined.
“You’re wearing glasses!”
“It got past them!” James complained, laughter making its way into his voice as well.
How the fuck did it get past your glasses, was what Sirius was thinking and would say if he wasn’t laughing so hard. Something small and wooden hit his face. The cork, which James must have thrown at him.
“I’m a hero! I saved you and you’re laughing at me!”
Sirius couldn’t even catch his breath enough to respond, curled around his stomach, holding his sides like a guy with food poisoning or something. He got like this sometimes around James, uncontrollably giggly until they were both curled up and sore and out of breath. It wasn’t even that funny. It was just that once they both started laughing, there was no telling when it would stop. He lifted his head a bit to see James still sitting criss-crossed, but bent down over the liquor bottle, the shakes of his laughter sending drops of liquor from his bangs into his lap.
“Fuck,” Sirius breathed, pulling himself up into a sitting position, wiping his eyes. His chest was still heaving from the aftershocks of his laughing fit. “You looked so stupid.”
“At least I got the thing off!”
“There’s nothing left in the bottle!” Sirius cried incredulously. “It’s all on your face!”
He seized the bottle out of James’s lap and held it up to prove his point.
“There’s plenty!” James said. “It’ll even out once we add the stuff.”
Sirius plucked the small vial from the carpet where they’d tossed it. There was a little knob at the top of the rubber cork. He and James exchanged a look at the sight of it- why couldn’t the other cork have that?
Sirius pulled the cork out with a pop and proceeded to dump the entire contents of the vial into the whiskey.
James’s eyes widened and mouth dropped in that shocked, incredulous expression of his that made him look like some dumb owl or something. “Sirius!” he cried, feigning upset although he had started laughing again. “We said a few drops!”
Sirius shrugged, pleased to have gotten a rise out of him. “That was before you dumped half the whiskey onto your face!”
“Does more veritaserum make people tell more of the truth?” James said, leaning in conspiratorially, suddenly all into the idea. “Or tell the truth more freely?”
“Or tell the truth even louder?” Sirius added.
James laughed. “Imagine that! Everybody screaming their deepest, darkest secrets!”
Sirius grinned and put the cork back into the bottle. “I guess we’ll wait and see,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows excitedly.
“We should- oh!”
Whatever idea had come to James’s mind was stopped halfway out of his mouth as his eyes traveled up from Sirius to the door behind him. Sirius shoved the bottle under a dirty robe on the floor and turned to follow his gaze. Marlene Mckinnon was leaning in their doorframe, arms folded, and was staring at them through the crack in their door with a bemused expression.
“Marls,” Sirius said cooly.
“Just wondering if you’re ever going to take those posters down,” Marlene deadpanned, gesturing to the lewd magazine clippings that made up some parts of Sirius’s wall. She had a constant monotonous tone to her voice that made almost everything she said sound like sarcasm.
Sirius only rolled his eyes, unintimidated by her judgmental persona. Marlene had been bothering him about this since the beginning of the year, when he first hung them up. Saying they “objectified women” or whatever. He didn’t understand what the problem was. Just because he liked to look at attractive women didn’t mean he was objectifying them. He liked to look at attractive men, too.
“I think they’re cool,” James added helpfully, shooting Sirius a smile.
“James, y’know Lily will never love you as long as your room is covered in pictures of half-naked women, right?”
His expression dropped instantly. “What?”
Of course. Everyone knew about James’s helpless crush on Lily, and now they were trying to use it against him.
“Don’t listen to her, Prongs! She’s trying to turn you against me!”
“Do listen to me. I’m a girl, I know these things.”
“But they’re on Sirius’s side!”
“They’re still in your room, James! It’s gross, it’s like a strip club in here!”
“What’s a strip club?”
The expression on James’s face was so wide-eyed and innocent that Sirius met Marlene’s blue gaze and, simultaneously, the two of them burst into giggles.
“What? What is it?”
Sirius wanted to answer his best friend but Marlene had a particularly funny laugh- sounding like a dumb snorting pig- and he was finding it difficult to catch his breath over its contagiousness.
“Merlin, you two are always leaving me out with all your rock music and your… punk stuff!” James cried, eliciting another round of laughter from Marlene and Sirius.
When Marlene’s stupid snorting finally began to subside, Sirius was able to pull in a calm enough breath to explain what little information he knew about strip clubs: “it’s like, a club where girls take all their clothes off and dance,” he said, then looked to Marlene for confirmation.
Marlene was Sirius’s expert for all things muggle, which was sort of odd because she was from another pureblood family. Nothing like Sirius’s, of course. But, though they were perfectly nice wizards, like the Potters, they were still a pureblood wizard family, with absolutely no reason to know as much about muggle culture as Marlene seemed to know.
Sirius had just sort of accepted that Marlene knew these sorts of things because she was one of the coolest people ever. And if it weren’t for all her knowledge, Sirius never would have been introduced to David Bowie, or eyeliner, or leather jackets or any other things that had become synonymous with his image. He owed much of who he was today to Marlene and her muggle obsession. Of course, he’d never say that to her. But still. Maybe one day if she was dying or something.
But she wasn’t dying right now, and in her recovery from her laughing fit was back to looking exasperated, pinching the space between her eyes like some old, tired professor. “I guess that’s the gist of it.”
“We should go to one!” James exclaimed, and Merlin, Sirius was one second away from copying Marlene’s exasperated pinching move. Surely she was going to get annoyed about that.
“James Potter, if you ever go to a strip club I am telling Lily!” Marlene said. “Good luck ever winning her over!”
James, predictably, seemed horrified by the prospect. “Okay, okay!” he said.
“Anyway, Sirius,” Marlene said, changing the subject quite suddenly. She entered the room, stepping around the dirty laundry on the floor with an expression of exaggerated disgust, and plopped down onto Sirius’s bed beside him as comfortably as if it were her own. “I had a question about tonight.”
Sirius raised his eyebrows. She seemed a little bit nervous, shifty eyes and awkward hands, which was quite a departure from her usual behavior. “What?” he asked.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” James said quickly, before Marlene could answer. He hopped up from his bed and headed out the door in an awkward rush, doing a quick round of their secret handshake with Sirius in lieu of a verbal goodbye.
When the door slammed behind him, Sirius and Marlene exchanged an amused, knowing look. James seemed to have some stupid idea that Sirius and Marlene were interested in each other romantically, which he hadn’t let go of even after both of them had assured him it wasn’t the case. Sirius couldn’t blame him for thinking it- Marlene was his first girlfriend and James still thought they weren’t over each other- but it was truly long over.
“I’ve told him a thousand times,” Sirius assured Marlene.
She rolled her eyes. “Whatever. He’ll figure it out eventually. I was just wondering if I could bring a friend tonight.”
Sirius raised his eyebrows and curled his lip in confusion. Marlene never asked permission for this sort of thing. She was pretty much the only person who didn’t.
She sighed. “The thing is, she’s… she’s a Slytherin.”
Marlene was watching Sirius’s expression carefully, and judging from the way her face changed, she’d clearly seen the disgust that flashed in his eyes before he had time to restrain it.
“Sirius, come on!” she whined. “Not all Slytherins are awful.”
Sirius sighed heavily. He didn’t truly think that all Slytherins were awful, though that was the general perception of his opinion. He’d even known some tolerable Slytherins in his lifetime- Andromeda was awesome, Narcissa was pretty alright, Reggie was… Well, that was a whole other thing.
But at the same time, the Gryffindor common room was the one place he had. The one place where he wasn’t seeing Barty and Evan and Snivellus and those insufferable prats who’d stolen his baby brother, and to sully it with the presence of any of those green-tied snakes felt like betrayal. No matter how much Marlene may like them.
“Come on, Sirius,” she said. “Don’t be a git about this. I’ll probably just bring her anyway even if you say no.”
“What’s her name?” Sirius asked.
“Dorcas.”
It was vaguely familiar, though he couldn’t attach a face to it.
“What does she look like?”
Marlene’s face took on a wistful expression. “Well, she has brown skin, brown eyes, black hair,” she began. “She’s really pretty…” she added with a wistful, un-Marlene-like sigh.
Understanding dawned on Sirius, and now felt like a total idiot. “Ohhh,” he said. “So that’s what this is about.”
She frowned. “What?”
Sirius shrugged. “You… y’know.” He gestured awkwardly to one of the magazine clippings of a woman with her tits out, hoping it’d convey the message.
“Ugh! Sirius!” Marlene cried, whacking his arm.
“What?” he said incredulously.
It wasn’t like it was any secret between the two of them. Last year, in the haze of an awkward, drunken make-out session, Marlene had suddenly confessed to Sirius that she was attracted to girls in the way that most girls were attracted to boys. The idea hadn’t really bothered Sirius- though it had been rather awkward, given the activity the two of them were engaged in at the moment- it’d actually rather pleased him. He imagined how horrified his mother would be to find out that he was hanging around with a girl who was into other girls, the affronted, disgusted look on her face. Of course, he’d never tell her, but it was fun to think about. Besides, the image of Marlene in bed with another girl was quite hot.
However, Sirius understood that most people would probably disapprove of it and swore to never tell another soul. Not even James. Which was a little bit painful, to keep a secret from his best friend, but he understood Marlene’s need for secrecy.
The only thing that slightly upset him about the whole situation was a realization that had hit him the day after her confession- the fact that he and Marlene had lost their virginity to each other in the spring of third year. Not to mention all the other times they'd had sex since then. Had she been faking it that whole time?
When he asked her about it, Marlene had smiled wryly and shrugged. “I guess you’ll never know,” she’d said. Sirius had been upset at first but had come to accept that he probably didn’t want to know.
What he did know was that Marlene liked girls, and since that interaction Sirius had made it his personal mission to find a girl to hook her up with. Carefully, of course. He’d kept an eye out all year for girls who showed no attraction toward him or James- the two handsomest boys in the school, of course- or girls whose eyes lingered on his bedroom walls just a little too long.
Which… now that he thought of it, what the fuck? Shouldn’t she like the boob pictures?
Girls. Sirius would never fully understand them.
All of this was to say… Sirius would be a complete and total hypocrite to deny Marlene the opportunity to get to know this girl she was obviously crushing on.
“I suppose…” he began. “If you promise to at least make out with her…”
“Sirius!” Marlene shouted, hitting him again. “She doesn’t even like me in that way!”
“Well, does she like girls?”
Marlene frowned. “I’m not sure. She’s said a few things that make me think maybe, but… I don’t really know. And even if she does like girls, that doesn’t mean she’ll like me.”
“If I was a girl who liked girls, I’d definitely choose you.”
“Sirius, you’ve already chosen me,” Marlene sighed. “We’ve literally fucked before.”
“Ancient history,” Sirius said. “Anyways, whatever. As the king of Gryffindor house-”
“You’re an idiot.”
“-you have my permission to bring this Dorcas girl tonight. I’ll be studying her, by the way, to see if we think she’s… y’know.”
Marlene rolled her eyes. “Gee, thanks. What would I do without your expert analysis?”
“Marls, any girl who can look at me without immediately wanting to get up on me is definitely not into blokes. Trust me.”
“Ugh, why are we even friends?” Marlene huffed, though she was smirking. She made to get off the bed, then turned back around. “Oh, by the way, speaking of friends, Dorcas wants to bring one.”
Sirius’s heart sank. “Two Slytherins??”
“I’m sure she’s very nice,” Marlene said.
“Who is she?”
Marlene shrugged. “I dunno. Her name’s Pandora.”
Sirius paused. Again, the name sounded familiar, though he couldn’t attach a face to it.
“Fine,” he sighed. “Now get out of here before I revoke your Slytherin privileges.”
“Like I need your permission,” Marlene grumbled, as if she hadn’t come to his room solely to ask for it. She hopped off his bed and headed to the door but paused in the doorway, leaning against the frame like she had when she first entered. She turned back to face the inside of the room. “By the way,” she said, smirking. “When you take all those posters down, leave that one up.” She gestured to the David Bowie poster. “He’s hot.”
Sirius had to agree.
Speaking of, with both Marlene and James gone, his thoughts turned to the last tough topic of the day: Remus Lupin.
In his mission to befriend Remus Lupin, which went hand in hand with his mission to form the Dead Poets Society, Sirius had decided to invite Remus to the party. He certainly didn’t strike Sirius as the party type, but Sirius knew there was a capacity for fun in there somewhere. Merlin, he’d practically tackled Sirius to the floor chasing him around his room the day before. Besides, a personal invitation to a party from Sirius himself was like a Hogwarts letter from Dumbledore. Sirius and James ran this place. If Sirius invited any student, they’d certainly come, even if they weren’t the partying type.
Then again, Remus wasn’t really any other student. Remus Lupin, in Sirius’s expert analysis, may have been the coolest bloke at Hogwarts.
Of course, that label did not include Sirius and James. The two of them were without a doubt, undeniably the kings of the school. No one could ever question that fact. Merlin, they had people coming to their room asking permission to invite people to parties. Sirius liked to think of his social status within Hogwarts school in terms of his parents’ status within the wider wizarding world- infamous. Everyone knew him, and everyone either wanted to be friends with him, fuck him, or kick his ass (mostly Slytherins- not that they ever could). He hated his family. Truly, he did. He hated their pureblood supremacy bullshit, their bloated egos, their stiff pretentiousness, and, well, everything else they did to him, but he had to admit, being the rebellious Black was a vital part of his identity. The whole black sheep (or red sheep, he supposed) of the family thing did wonders for his reputation. He was rebellious, cool, careless, the full fucking package. He was brave enough to leave his psycho family behind without a second glance.
So why was he so fucking nervous around Remus fucking Lupin?
Remus was smart. He was quiet. Handsome, in a sort of rugged way, very different from Sirius’s perfectly sculpted Black features. He liked poetry and muggle books, ugly sweaters that only he could make look good. But he had this extra quality to him, too, which was the very thing that made him so intriguing, that made his coolness equal the levels of James and Sirius’s. He just didn’t give a fuck what anybody thought of him.
Neither did Sirius, of course. If he cared about people’s expectations, he wouldn’t walk around dressed the way he did, he wouldn’t talk as loudly and dramatically as he did, hell, he wouldn’t even be a Gryffindor. If he cared what people thought, he’d just be another pathetic Black withering away in the Slytherin dungeon and hiding behind his psychopath mother’s skirts. Like someone Sirius knew.
But Remus’s not giving a fuck was different than Sirius’s. His disregard manifested itself in silence, sitting by himself reading, listening to music on his walkman, barely addressing anyone who wasn’t in his small, exclusive circle of friends. And perhaps it was this very quality of his that drew Sirius to him.
Most people, around Sirius, would be desperate to impress him, or at least be forcing some sort of cool act to try to appear more appealing to him. Take Remus’s friend Peter- a nice kid, but practically tripping over himself to be liked by Sirius. It was sort of exhausting sometimes.
But Remus- he was just a mystery.
He didn’t want to be friends with him. He shot down his attempts at conversation. He snapped at him in the hallway and never missed an opportunity to tell him how annoying he was.
But- he gifted him a Walt Whitman poetry book. He liked David Bowie and all of Sirius’s favorite musicians. He agreed to be a part of the Dead Poets Society.
Throughout this odd will-they won’t-they of friendship over the past month or so, Sirius felt like he could finally understand how girls felt as they chased after him. How James felt in his desperate attempts at wooing Lily. Remus’s rejections of Sirius’s offers of friendship had only served to motivate him more, and now, Sirius had decided, he and Remus had to be friends. He was going to become Remus Lupin’s friend if it was the last fucking thing he did. The one person who had quite clearly expressed that he didn’t want to be friends with Sirius was the person that Sirius had set his sights on. And what Sirius Black wanted, Sirius Black got.
Motivating himself with that thought, he glanced into the mirror, flicked a few curls into place, adjusted his leather jacket so it was askew in just the right way, planted his trademark smirk onto his face and headed to Remus’s room.
He stopped outside the door to straighten his shoulders and steel himself, quite pleased that Remus hadn’t heard him coming and already yelled at him to fuck off like last time he’d showed up at his door. A point in his favor. He hadn’t even knocked on the door and he was already killing this.
He rapped his fingers against the wood right below Remus and Peter’s nameplates.
He stood there, swaying from side to side, feeling stupidly, inexplicably nervous (Sirius Black never got nervous) until the door swung into the room and Remus Lupin stood there in the doorway.
He was wearing one of those ugly sweaters of his, his dark blonde hair falling in messy pieces around his head, headphones of his walkman sitting around the base of his neck. Merlin, he was so cool. And he didn’t spend any time in front of the mirror like some lovesick girl before opening the door, Sirius thought bitterly.
“Sirius,” he said in a completely neutral, unreadable tone.
“Remus,” said Sirius, matching it.
“Is this about the Dead Poets thing again? Because I still haven’t thought of a place.”
“No, no, not that,” Sirius said, though he’d secretly been hoping Remus had had some overnight revelation and came up with the perfect spot. Now that his friend was on board, too, he’d kind of committed.
“See, we’re having a little get together in the common room tonight.”
Remus raised one eyebrow. “Okay?”
Merlin, was he really going to make him ask? “Well, are you coming?”
“Have you ever seen me at one of those things?”
“No, but I thought tonight could be your first time,” Sirius said, putting on the special smile he typically reserved for hot girls. “I’ll set a few shots aside just for you.” Because most of them will be laced with fucking veritaserum, he added in his mind.
Remus paused, looking unimpressed. “No, I don’t think I will.”
“Oh, said Sirius, trying not to sound disappointed but utterly failing. Merlin, what was it about this boy that took all his coolness away?
“Um, what are you listening to?” he asked, gesturing to the headphones around his neck.
“The who,” said Remus.
Sirius frowned. “Who?”
“The Who.”
“No, I’m asking you who.”
Remus shook his head, looking exasperated. “They’re a band. You’ve never heard of The Who?”
Great, now Sirius felt like a total idiot. Again. He tried to play it off like he wasn’t embarrassed- he didn’t get embarrassed- shrugging nonchalantly. “Never heard of ‘em. Can I try the walkman?”
Remus hesitated, and Sirius wanted to groan. If he was going to say yes, he’d say it immediately.
“Another time,” Remus said finally, looking- thankfully- a little uncomfortable himself.
What the fuck was he supposed to say now?
“Well, okay.”
As Marlene would say, a swing and a miss.
He said an awkward goodbye and walked back to his dorm with his head down. He knew his white cheeks were blushing furiously. Which was, frankly, fucking bullshit. Sirius Black did not blush, nor did he get embarassed, nor was he ever rejected in such a way. What the fuck was going on?
Whatever, he thought, trying to push Remus Lupin out of his brain for the time being. He was going to get so wasted tonight.