Tell Him He's Beautiful.
"Expelliarmus!" Moony came in, Remus, Moony, his. His Moony, came barging through the door, disarming Harry. Sirius smiled, he couldn't help it, Remus was so beautiful, getting on in years but just as lovely as always. His. His Moony. His Remus. His. He was here. He was beautiful.
Remus nodded his head to the side and Harry jumped up leaving Sirius on the floor, unable to move, to over come with joy.
"Well, well, Sirius," That voice! Sirius loved that voice, he could listen to that voice forever. Remus used to read out load at night, he would read anything and everything, it was their little escape from the war, to go to the world of books, together. "Looking rather ragged aren't we?"
We? No Moony. I do. You look wonderful. "Finally the flesh reflects the madness within." And the WAY he spoke like he was in a book or- wait? No Moony! No Moony please, I'm not mad. I didn't kill them! I'm not mad!
He had to say something, quickly,
#
"Well you'd know all about the madness within wouldn't you Remus?" He meant to wink after words so Remus would understand the joke but the man was moving closer and Sirius could hardly breath let alone think of anything else.
It seemed to work though, Remus lowered his wand with a slight sigh and Sirius felt butterflies. That sigh sounded so much like Moony, he was always sighing.
He looked down at Sirius for a beat before smiling slightly making Sirius's whole body light up with joy as Remus extended a hand to pull Sirius to his feet. Sirius couldn't wait he was hardly thinking, he wrapped Remus in a hug. The other man hesitated slightly, wrapping him back without so much delight.
"I found him! Sirius was on the verge of tears as he pulled away looking up into Remus lovely eyes, "I know," Remus whispered,
"It's him!" Sirius said begging for Remus to understand, "I understand." Remus said,#
Of course! Of course my Moony understands, "Let's kill him!" Sirius hissed over whelmed with excitement and anger.
"No!" The girl screamed snapping Sirius out of his trance, making Remus look away, Sirius eyes fell, excitement draining now he didn't have Moony's eye contact,
"I trusted you! And all this time! You've been his friend!" Remus glanced back at him as Sirius backed away, Remus still had his arms wrapped around Sirius middle but the fell away, one hand still on Sirius shoulder as if to stop him from running. Sirius looked up into his eyes, he was drenched in sweat and knew he looked mad but he needed Remus to see that he wasn't. He wasn't mad he pleaded, begged him to understand,
"He's a werewolf!" The girl yelled turning back to he friends, "That's why he's been missing classes."
Sirius, who had looked away from Moony instantly snapped his eyes backup, he wasn't sure what he was looking for, perhaps hurt, and indication for Sirius to yell at the girl, but, of course, Moony was Moony he was calm and collected and turned to face the girl, though he looked slightly resigned.
He dropped his hand from Sirius's shoulder and Sirius felt the absence keenly, desperate for Moony's contact again. His breathing started to get heavy and the room started to swim, he franticly took deep breaths trying to steady himself.
"How long how you known?" Remus asked approaching Hermione leaving Sirius hyperventilating behind him.
"Since Professor Snape set the essay." Professor Snape? Sirius thought, Professor? Snape? Severus Snape? Snivillus?
"Well, well, well, Hermione you really are the brightest witch of your age I've ever met."
Sirius couldn't take it anymore, his blood was rushing anger searing as he fought to hold onto reality, James he could imagine James leaning against that very window, ankles crossed tossing his snitch up and down as they waited for Remus to tell them to change. He had to get revenge, he had to kill Peter slowly he had to, he could see James so clearly, as if he were really there, he could reach out and-
"Enough talk Remus!" He yelled unable to take his own delusions anymore, "Come on! Let's kill him!"
"Wait!"
Anger flared up in Sirius coursing through his every muscle taking hold of him till it was all he could do not to shake,
"I did my waiting! Twelve years of it! In Azkaban!!" Oh, he could cry now. His chest was hammering his head wiring his pulse throbbing in his ears.
Remus seemed taking aback by this, he stood there, breathing heavy as he scanned Sirius's face. He swallowed, looked back at Harry before passing the wand over to Sirius,
"Very well, kill him." Sirius smiled snatching the wand from him, he got a look of his face as he turned, scarred, beautiful, so, so, beautiful.
"But wait one. More. Minute, Harry has a right to know why." He said it slowly as though Sirius was merely a child, Sirius didn't mind, it kept him talk for longer, that lovely, lovely voice.
"I know why," Harry said, voice shaking and cracking, "You betrayed my parents," He said waling closer eyes fixed on Sirius who tried his best not to curl up under the bed and cry, the Harry before him kept transforming into Snape and Regulus and back again, each time it changed James was by his side, wand in hand ready to help his brother. Now James was dead, and his son was stepping towards Sirius, speaking lies, hurtful, hurtful, lies.
"Your the reason they're dead!" Sirius blinked, he knew people thought that, he knew it all but to hear someone say it, to his face, it hurt. If anyone had said something that hurtful to him fifteen years ago James would have cursed them, and Sirius would have done the same if the characters where switched, Remus defended him though, Remus fought with words, James fought with spells, Sirius fought with punches.
"No Harry, it wasn't him. Somebody did betray you parents but it was somebody who, until quite recently, I believed to be dead."
"Who was it then?" James, he sounded like James, he sounded so much like James. He had the voice of a man who used to joke with him, comfort him and be by his side 24/7. He had the voice of a man who never left Sirius's side for seven years, and even then was very close to him, and it hurt. It hurt to hear that voice saying things it never would. It hurt.
"Peter. Pettigrew." He spat out the name swaying slightly as the words twisted, he smiled as he said it, a desperate attempt to make them see he was fine, though it only resulted in making him look more mad.
"And he's in the room! Right now!" Sirius felt high, he felt high off the need to kill, he felt high off the anger and sadness and loss, he felt high off the guilt, he felt high, the world was spinning the ground beneath him non excitant as he spoke again voice trill a slight mock of the chubby boys mother,
"Come out, come out, Peter! Come out, come out and play!"
"Expelliarmus!" Sirius wiped around as the wand flew from his hand to find, Severus Snape, long black robes billowing behind him.