The beginnings of war
Edgar Bones was dead.
Dead in James’ arms as he made a futile attempt to give him CPR, the muggle way, and bring him back.
“No..” He repeated the two-letter word over and over, like a mantra.
It had all happened so quickly, too quickly. James had been in the sky, on his broom, it was his area of expertise. Edgar was on foot, on the ground, he was older and so Moody decided to put him in the more vulnerable position for this ‘patrol mission’. It turned out more like a mission of cold-blooded, unfeeling murder.
James couldn’t save him. He had to save him, that was his job- to keep everybody alive and safe. But the Death Eater had come out of nowhere, James was dodging spells, quite brilliantly, in the air, having no choice but to assume Edgar was okay. He was not. But James was only alerted of Edgar’s danger when he heard a shrill scream and a maniacal laughter that came afterward.
And then James threw a sloppy hex in the general direction of the Death Eater that had been duelling him on their brooms, before dipping down and practically crashing into the stone ground, immediately rushing to Edgar’s limp body. He shouted, shaking the boy’s dead body, refusing to accept it.
How could he have let this happen?
Rabastan Lestrange, the younger of the Lestrange brothers- he was younger than James for a year. James felt bad for him for a moment, he wasn’t even legally an adult and was fighting in this war. And then Rabastan laughed again, aiming his wand at James and an already dead Edgar Bones, James cursed his empathetic heart and whipped his own wand out, refusing to let go of Edgar’s body.
He'd hardly even known the boy, but any death in this war had become James’ to grieve.
The little Death Eater boy squealed, excitedly but rather pathetically, an apparated away to somewhere unknown to James. James didn’t care. He was relieved, and the Death Eater from the sky had disappeared too. Now, it was just James and the corpse of a boy who was only a few years older than him.
The funeral was a week later, open casket as per Dumbledore’s request. Sirius had spat at the old man when he found out it was he who ordered it to be open casket. James had to drag him back to prevent him from ripping Dumbledore’s beard off.
Sirius and Edgar weren’t exactly friends, but they weren’t strangers. They had only met a few weeks ago, when Sirius and the rest of them joined the order, but Sirius decided to speak at his funeral and James internally punched himself. He hadn’t even noticed that Sirius was enamoured with the freshly dead boy. James, against his better judgement, turned to look at Remus Lupin, who sat beside him at the funeral and was crying with everyone else. But Remus wasn’t crying because of Edgar, oh no. He was upset because the only person he’d ever loved had just done a speech at another boy’s funeral.
Selfish. It was selfish of Remus to be so heartbroken when people were dying, but James understood, and he would never penalise Remus for simply feeling. What he did want to do, however, was whack Sirius around the head. For so many years he had loved Remus in secret, what about Edgar had made him give that longing up?
Moody, thank Merlin, didn’t send James or Sirius on a ‘mission’ for a week, which went by much slower than James remembered weeks to pass.
He spent it with Sirius, who didn’t seem to be in mourning of a boy he loved at all. In fact, he seemed perfectly fine, well, as fine as Sirius Black could be- which was not fine at all.
For his first mission after the weeklong break, James was paired with Mary Macdonald, a girl he had known since his first year at Hogwarts. He trusted her, with his life, and he trusted her wit her own life. After Edgar, he wasn’t sure how easily he would be able to trust people with their lives, but it was war, people die.
Rather coldly, Lily, his absolute soulmate and the object of all his desires, had told him he needed to get over it because he had known what he was getting into when he signed up for this, he knew people would die. She was right, but it still stung.
“.. I think I could like him.” Mary sighed, rubbing he temples. She had been the most hesitant to join the order, terrified for her family. It was Sirius who had persuaded her, Merlin knows how, because she had been quite adamant on staying away from war. Sirius and Mary had always been special, though, in another life, James thought, they would have been forever.
But not this life, Sirius was undoubtedly into men.
“Like who?” James replied, confused, he hadn’t been listening to Mary very well, he’d been sharp and vigilant, refusing to allow Mary to succumb to the same fate as Edgar.
Mary scoffed, “Gideon.” She said, like it was obvious. James raised both eyebrows, staring at her in complete shock. “He’s so into me, it’s killing him.” She smirked, always so confident and bold, but it was charming and never arrogant.
“Sure thing, Mary.” James chuckled, shaking his head softly as Mary continued to talk about how he is very fit, James, but he’s ginger and I think that puts me off a bit, y’know?
It was a calm night, quite nice actually. James found himself smiling more than he had since Edgar was dead in his arms. He took Mary home once their shift was done, letting her kiss him on the cheek as she always did- Cheeky thing- and waved goodbye as she shut her front door and he was alone.
He apparated back home, abusing this useful magic now that he had mastered it. Lily was stood in the kitchen of his parents’ cottage, gasping and running to hug him when she saw he was stood in the doorway.
James chuckled, kissing her gently as she demanded to know if he or Mary had been hurt at all. Neither of them had been, they hadn’t even encountered a Death Eater, which was a relief because James had really not been in the mood to fight. But then again, when was he ever in the mood to fight?
Lily dragged him to their bedroom, which was on the opposite side of the cottage to James’ parents. It had been their call, and he had been embarrassed at the time, but now, as Lily looked up at him with those beautiful green eyes, he was grateful that his parents wouldn’t hear any sound from their bedroom.
They kissed, James whispered sweet nothings- which actually meant everything to him, so he didn’t really understand the term ‘sweet nothing’- as Lily dozed off and fell asleep on him, head resting on his bare chest.
He loved her, he really did. More than most people loved their partners, he would argue. Because he had waited, he had waited six years for nights like these, where Lily was safe and in his arms. She was his, but she was also her own. And he was very glad that Lily chose to be with James when she was so perfect that the moon and all the stars ought to be jealous of her.
The next day was busy, James had been awoken by none other than Gideon Prewett. His first instinct was to laugh, because all he could envision was Mary’s disgust at his ginger-ness. But he looked serious, so James was serious. He covered Lily’s ears, gently, in an attempt not to wake her.
“It’s Sirius.” Gideon said.
And James didn’t need to hear anything else before he was rushing through the halls of St Mungos hospital and crying out for SIRIUS! Gideon followed close behind him, giving James a summary on what had happened.
He and Sirius had been on patrol in Blackpool, four Death Eaters had appeared instead of an anticipated two, Sirius had gotten caught in the crossfire of Gideon’s spell aimed for one of the Death Eaters. James found it very difficult not to pin the blame on Gideon, because technically it had been his curse, born from his wand, but James knew he could only blame Voldemort and his army of Death Eaters.
Sirius was fine, thank Merlin. James sat beside him on the bed, scanning his eyes for any sign of discomfort as Gideon entered the room, just in case Gideon had lied to James. Because everyone knew James’ biggest weakness was Sirius. Where James was usually calm and collected, any sense of self and reason left him when it was Sirius on the line.
“I love you, Prongs.” Sirius said, in-between coughs and splutters. James saw the way Remus winced at the words, the words that had not been said to him. It hurt James to see his two best friends unable to love each other, because they would be perfect, James was sure of it.
“I love you too, Pads.” He replied, smiling.
If everything else went to shit and was wrong, Sirius and James’ love would never faulter. Nothing could bring them apart, ever. James would bet his life on it.
A few days later, Lily came home, smiling shyly to herself in that adorable way that James had learnt meant I’ve just done something great and someone recognised it.
James’ mother, Euphemia, opened the door for her, immediately sensing something had happened, but for once this was a good something. Lily spilled instantly.
“They want me to be a healer, a medic!” She smiled, all toothy and childlike and James thought he’d fallen in love all over again. “Minerva said that she’d seen my potions and told Moody, he says a talent like mine can’t go to waste on the frontlines.”
Euphemia clapped her hands, incredibly proud of her son’s girlfriend. She pulled Lily into a hug, exclaiming that they must do something to celebrate! James knew what he would do to celebrate, but he wouldn’t share those thoughts with his parents present, it would send his mother into cardiac arrest.
Soon, Sirius, Remus, Mary, Peter and a few others who weren’t out on a mission were crowded around the living room fire, all celebrating Lily’s success.
Sirius had a cast on his arm, which Peter and Mary insisted on getting everyone to sign and doodle on, because Sirius was quite ashamed of it. He hated outward signs of his weaknesses; he hated any proof that he wasn’t as tough as he pretended to be. But he let Mary and Peter draw on him, because it was hard to deny either of them.
It was nice, James thought, that everyone was here, together and alive. He really tried to stop his mind from wandering to the thought that they could be dead tomorrow.
He distracted himself with analysing the way Sirius and Remus looked at each other, the way Sirius’ cheeks were furiously red as Remus was, animatedly, explaining something to him. James chuckled, taking pity on Sirius and his ‘hopeless romance’ that wasn’t so hopeless at all, if Remus’ heart shaped eyes were reliable evidence.
“I’m so proud of you, Lils.” Mary sobbed, definitely too drunk for her own good, as she clung onto Gideon Prewett. He was bright red, unsure where to put his hands as Mary wriggled and squirmed to get comfortable in his arms. Everyone laughed, and it was a heavenly sound, everyone so happy in the midst of tragedy.
Everyone left, Remus and Sirius going back to the flat that they shared with Dorcas Meadowes, who was a strange character but Sirius seemed to like her and Remus just went wherever Sirius did, Mary went home with Gideon- which Lily found adorable- and Peter slept on James’ sofa.
Lily and James giggled, as he carried her to their room. He’d been with girls before, Lily hadn’t been with anyone before James, but he still got nervous butterflies as he watched Lily pull her shirt over her head, leaving her sat with just a bra on and blushing cheeks.
James just liked making Lily feel good, because if Lily felt good, then so did he.
She always offered, but James knew that she didn’t really want to go down on him, or anything like that. He didn’t care if she never wanted to, the way she moved her hips on top of his was more than enough.
After, he kissed her, so gently it made his own heart melt, and told her how beautiful she was over and over until she giggled and kissed him back.
--
Dorcas groaned, watching as another one of her potions failed to work. She didn’t understand, she had been at the top of her potions class in school, second only to Lily Evans, who had apparently been ‘officially’ named as the order’s potion brewer and healer.
Dorcas was not jealous.
She was simply annoyed because none of her hard work had ever been recognised or appreciated by anyone other than Sirius Black. Dorcas didn’t understand him, he was the brother of her ex-best friend, Regulus Black, and he had made him out to be the absolute devil. But where Regulus had been cold and mean, Sirius was warm and kind. He had allowed Dorcas to move in with he and Remus when her family kicked her out, which was a debt she could never repay.
And something she understood even less, was the relationship between Sirius and Remus. They both liked each other, that much she could tell just by the way they stared at each other, and how they sometimes slept in the same bed if nightmares prevented them from sleeping alone. But Sirius scowled at her when she had brought it up, so she stayed out of it as best she could.
They were cute, sweet. It sickened Dorcas. She had forbidden herself from any romantic involvement after her heart was shattered in her fifth year at Hogwarts. She had been in love, and they had taken her heart and thrown it on the floor for a new heart, maybe for a prettier one.
Whatever the reason was, she swore to herself that she’d never lose her heart to anyone.
“Dorky!” Sirius’ singing voice came from the door to their flat. Dorcas smiled, already so fond of the long-haired boy and his stupid nicknames.
She stood up, abandoning her cauldron, deciding to come back to it later. Maybe she’d get Remus to help her, because even though he was quiet, he was very sweet and sometimes smarter than her. Sometimes. It was hard to be smarter than Dorcas Meadowes.
Just as she was about to make a joke about how Sirius had left her to be an alone housewife all day, dutifully cleaning and cooking, she laid her eyes on the most beautiful girl she had ever seen.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I owe Marlene a night of drinking.” Sirius chuckled, and the blonde girl beside him smirked, lip ring moving with her lips. Dorcas wondered if she had any other piercings. Ew.
“Nope, don’t mind one bit.” Dorcas smiled, tightly. Marlene barked a laugh, shrugging off her denim jacket and hanging it on Sirius’ coat peg, rubbing her hands together as she walked past Dorcas without a care in the world.
“She’s fit, isn’t she?” Sirius asked, voice low.
Dorcas deflated, oh, she and Sirius must be ‘involved’ with each other in some way. Merlin, she was embarrassed to even think about having a crush on someone, that was not very Dorcas Meadowes of her.
“Oh, Merlin Dorky!” Sirius must have noticed the disappointment that had washed over Dorcas, because he was fake-gagging, “I didn’t mean she was fit to me, I thought maybe for you though..?” He raised an eyebrow.
Dorcas rolled her eyes, “I told you, I don’t ever want to have a girlfriend- or a boyfriend, before you start getting any ideas.” Sirius groaned, but accepted it, he wasn’t one to press, that was his friend, Mary’s, job.
Dorcas nodded as Moody told her she would be on patrol that night. She would be going to Brighton, which seemed like a strange place for suspected Death Eaters to be hanging around. Brighton was like, the least bigoted city in Britain.
She wondered if she was alone on this mission, the mere idea terrified her. She was strong, yes, but not that strong.
“Sorry Moody!”
The door swung open and in came that beautiful bloody blonde girl. Marlene. Dorcas internally screamed, why was the universe punishing her? She couldn’t look at the girl, if she did she would probably tell her that she was the most gorgeous person she had ever seen.
Fuck.
She really needed Regulus right now, because even though he was mean and cruel, he was honest. That was why she loved him, he would never lie to her. He never did lie, as soon as he got that stupid mark branded onto his arm, he told her. And she had cried, sobbed in his arms for the first time in six years of friendship, she had told him that she couldn’t be friends with him. She refused any kind of compromise he would have come up with. It killed her, because she had, foolishly, thought that their love for each other would overpower the darkness of his family.
Sirius escaped, which often puzzled Dorcas- why didn’t Regulus even try?
“McKinnon.” Moody huffed, unimpressed at her lateness, “You and Meadowes are to go to Brighton tonight, stay together and alert, always.” He glared at Marlene and softened his glare before nodding at Dorcas, signalling for them both to leave.
Marlene laughed, “He’s so scary.”
Dorcas hummed, unsure of how to act. What the fuck is happening? She asked herself, because she had never been lost for words because of a pretty person before, not since fifth year. It was a feeling that she did not like, she didn’t understand some people’s obsession with romance- it was a death sentence.
More dangerous than this bloody war.
Later that night was when her and Marlene went on patrol, their mission was to scout out potential Death Eaters who would be lurking in the shadows.
But Marlene was a distraction, Dorcas was sure of it. She would die and it would be this blonde-haired idiot’s fault. Merlin! Where was Regulus’ pessimism when she needed it?
“Dorcas!” Marlene suddenly shouted, grabbing Dorcas by her braids and pulling her down t the floor to dodge a curse that had been fired their way.
The two witches took out their wands, looked at each other and nodded, their was an understanding between magical people, of when it was the right time to use curses that were awful. Marlene and Dorcas had, silently, agreed, that this was the time.
Marlene was even more beautiful whilst fighting, which Dorcas didn’t quite understand because she was grunting, screaming and pulling faces that Dorcas should find hideous but she just can’t.
They both make it out pretty unscathed, Marlene is now sporting a scar that goes right down her right arm, but Dorcas tells her that it’s pretty hot and that seems to shut her up. Dorcas’ head aches, but it’s nothing a little ibuprofen, a muggle medicine, can’t fix. Marlene spends their whole bus journey, because ,yes, they had to take public transport to return home, staring at the scar on her arm, constantly asking Dorcas for reassurance that it doesn’t look stupid.
Dorcas genuinely thinks it’s the hottest thing she’s ever seen, which is worrying but she can’t afford to think about it for too long or she might grab Marlene’s arm and bite it.
The bus stops and it’s Dorcas’ turn to get off, but just as she tries to walk away, Marlene grabs her wrist and looks up at her with suddenly desperate eyes.
“Can I stay with you tonight?” She asked, as Dorcas goes to open her mouth, it’s like Marlene knows she will deny her. “Just for one night, please.. I-I can’t look at my mum anymore.”
Dorcas immediately sympathises, she can’t help it. She’s heard about Marlene’s mother, everyone has. Sirius told her that she had been tortured by a Death Eater, an unknown, masked, cowardly Death Eater. Apparently, it’s like she’s a completely different person. She isn’t even magical, she’s a full muggle. Dorcas thinks its utterly cruel, disgusting. And she’s reminded of why she cannot be friends with Regulus.
“Sure..” She nods, sighing.
Her and Marlene walk to her shared flat in silence, not awkward but not entirely comfortable. Dorcas hopes Sirius is awake to comfort Marlene, because Dorcas is not very good at helping people feel better. She isn’t cynical, she is just blunt. Sometimes people don’t take it well.
Sirius is awake, so is Remus, much to Dorcas’ joy.
She leaves Marlene with the two boys and retires to her bed, casting a silencing spell and screaming into her pillow until she falls asleep, and exhaustion takes over. She is grateful to be able to sleep without dreaming, because she was sure that if she did dream, Marlene’s name would be written all over them.