The Colour of Death

Demon screams, human screams. Ringing in my ears. It hurts so much. Death, I want to die. Just listen to me. Please.

So many names, so much history. So many eyes, the colour of death. Evil eyes, cunning eyes, blood on my hands. Scars on my hands. So many scars. Mine. Theirs. Shielded observant misty grey. Dead dead eyes. People and people and dead eyes. Fear, in their eyes. Fear in my eyes, maybe. I don’t feel it. I don’t feel much, anymore. What I do is with him. Where is he? My Scorpius? He’s somewhere else, a world away.

Where am I? Away from him, from Score, my Scorpius, my knight in shining fairy armour. My knight. But he’s not a warrior. I am. He reads and sings and somehow laughs, with beautiful beautiful stormy grey eyes, while all this descends into chaos. Into madness.

I’m mad. We’re mad. We’re crazy, planning to kill the Demon King. It’s mad. But we’re mad. And Reg is right. This should be fun. Three madmen saving the world. 

~|~

We’re on a stony grey shore, looking through a portal to a purple ocean. A blue moon, in the sky. Three moons. Pink stars. Regulus breaks the silence.
“Are you ready?” he asks. I stare at the Demon Realm, at this new world through a window. The Tear. It’s here, but not for much longer. One last breath of air.
“When are we ever ready?” Theo replies, stepping through.

He clutches his head, crying out. Closing his bright understanding blue eyes. Eyes that have seen so much. Felt so much. Fear in my eyes, but I don’t feel it. I don’t feel much, anymore. Theo’s spiralling into his mind, his hands are trembling, his body shaking, muttering to himself without the ghost of a smile on his lips. I sigh, bracing myself, and follow him through.

Death. I just want to die. It hurts so much. It’s so confusing. Nothing makes sense, anymore. Daggers in my hands. Blood on my hands. Blood, spilling across the floor. Mine. Theirs. Demon blood, angel blood, human blood. My blood. It stains, but it doesn’t. Demon-Slayer, Angel-Killer, Human-Killer. Evil eyes, cunning eyes, blood on my hands. Blood, so much blood. Blood everywhere. People everywhere, being people and dead eyes. People, nowhere. All alone. Shadows, hissing. Humming in my ears, whispers at the back of my mind. Ringing in my head. So loud. Why won’t it stop? Just make it stop. Please. Death, I want to die. It’s easier, not feeling. I rather like it. But it hurts so so much. Shadows hissing in my ears. Human voices, demon voices, angel voices. So similar. Angel screams, human screams. Dead dead demon eyes, dead dead human eyes. So many dead eyes.

Worried green, hurt hazel, soft sad chocolate brown, bright understanding blue, shielded observant mist, curious careful amber, sad sad sad grey eyes. And those beautiful beautiful stormy grey eyes. They’ve seen so much, those eyes. Felt so much. Hurt so much. Hurt others and been hurt.

A ringing, in my ears, in my head. So so loud. I’m spiralling. Whispers, in the shadows. Hissing in the back of my mind. Humming in my ears. Demon-Slayer, Angel-Killer, Human-Killer. Daggers in my hands. Blood on my hands. Scars on my hands. I cut, I bleed, but it doesn’t hurt. Humming in the shadows, whispers in my mind, hissing in my ears. It’s so loud. I can’t think.

“So don’t." A voice at the back of my mind. “Don’t think. Feel.”

But I can’t. I can’t feel, I can’t snap out of it. Not the way I need to.

And it hurts so much.

My mind is ringing. I can’t think, nothing makes sense, it is all so confusing. Death, please. Why won’t it stop? Tell me, please. Why can’t it stop? Just make it stop. Please. Death, I want to die. It hurts so much.

Let it stop, let me snap out of it. It’s easier, not feeling. I rather like it. But I just want it to stop. Why won’t it stop? I’d do anything to stop it hurting, now. It hurts so much. Death, I want to die. It hurts so much. Please, Death. Listen.

My hands won’t stop shaking. Why won’t it stop. Please, please stop. Why won’t they just stop shaking? It hurts so much. Just make it stop. Death, please let me snap out of it. Death, please, listen. Death, I want to die. My hands won’t stop shaking. Hands, the colour of death. Blood on my hands. Scars on my hands. So much blood. So many scars. Daggers in my hands. Blood on my hands. Demon blood, human blood. My blood. Spilling across the floor. Staining, but not. A dead demon, on the floor. A dead human. Dead dead angel eyes, dead dead human eyes. People being people and dead eyes. Fear in their eyes. Eyes, the colour of death. Death, Death, please listen. Death, I want to die. Make it stop. Why won’t it stop? It hurts so much.

Ringing in my ears. Hissing in the shadows. Whispers in the back of my mind. Humming in my head. It hurts so much. Fear, in those eyes. Eyes that have seen so much, felt so much, hurt so much. Dead eyes, everywhere. Voices, everywhere. Demon voices, human voices, angel voices. So, so similar. Dead dead dead eyes. Evil eyes, cunning eyes, blood on my hands. So much blood, spilling across the floor. Blood everywhere.

It hurts. It hurts so much.

Death, I just want to die. Please listen. Let me snap out of it. It’s easier, not feeling. I rather like it. But I just want it to stop. Why won’t it stop? Death, let me die. Please. Death, I want to die. I’d do anything to stop it hurting, now. It hurts so much.

Death, I want to die. It hurts so much.

~|~

How long has it been? When are we? Where are we? Away from Score, my Scorpius. Where is he? Somewhere else, a world away. Why am I here? To kill the Demon King, with Theo and Regulus. Because we’re crazy, mad. Three madmen saving the world. Where are they? Theo is still shaking, but he’s talking to Reg. My hand’s still trembling, too. They look to me. Shielded observant misty grey and bright understanding blue. So similar, yet so different. They’ve seen so much, those eyes. Felt so much. Hurt so much.

“That was…” Theo begins, trailing off, “something.” I nod. The magic here is so concentrated. The ringing just won’t stop.
“It does take some getting used to,” Regulus says, wincing ever so slightly. I glance around. The only light is from the moons, but stormy grey clouds obscured them. Beautiful beautiful stormy grey eyes. Three moons... the Demon Realm. Scorpius is a world away from here.

He stayed behind, at Beauxbatons. He didn’t want to, but he did it anyway. Because Blaise explained, somehow. Blaise, Theo’s constant, Theo’s home. Evan Rosier was Regulus’s. How can Reg bear it, knowing he’ll never see Evan’s eyes again? How can he laugh and joke and smile with those shielded eyes? I don’t think I could, if I lost Score. I’m not as strong as Regulus. I’m just sixteen years old. Reg took the Dark Mark at my age. He’d killed, he’d hurt. Hurt others, and been hurt. How can he survive, after everything? How is he not pleading for Death to listen? Maybe he is.

Regulus has a flame in his hand, to light the path. The red leaves are dry. Red leaves. Blood leaves. Blood everywhere. Blood on my hands. Demon blood, human blood, angel blood. My blood. I cut, I bleed, but it doesn’t hurt. And yet everything hurts, so so much. Death, listen. Please, Death. Let me snap out of it. Death, dear Death, I want to die. Make it stop. Why won’t it stop? I hurts so much.
“Hey, kid. Don’t loose yourself.” Bright understanding blue eyes. Theo’s eyes, watching me. Theo talking. I focus on his voice. I’m back with them. “I know it’s hard, but stick with us. We stick together, and we’ll get through this. Don’t loose yourself, kid.” I nod, Reg nods.
“How are we going to get to the castle?” I ask, staring at the distant building, perched on top of a far off mountain.
“Horses, I presume. No way we’re going on foot.” Theo replies. Regulus smirks, the Slytherin glint in his observant misty eyes.
“Horses, Theo. Really?” he chuckles, “We’re wizards, for Morgana’s sake. We’re going on a dragon.” Theo and I stare at him. Reg stares back, grinning, a wild spark in his eyes.
“You’re crazy. We’re crazy," I murmer. Three madmen saving the world. Regulus shrugs in response.

~|~

Regulus is talking to a dragon, and the beast seems to be talking back. How, I do not know. I don’t know much, anymore. I can’t think. Not with the ringing in my ears, and that buzzing feeling covering my skin. So strong that it hurts. It hurts so much. All over. Buried inside my mind, crawling over my body. It’s magic, I can tell. So much magic, so much pain. It hurts so much. Ringing in my ears. Hissing in the shadows. Whispers in the back of my mind. humming in my head. It hurts so much. So so much.

Death, I just want to die. Please listen to me. Let me snap out of it. I need to snap out of it. For Scorpius, for Theo, for Draco, for Blaise. For all of them. Stormy grey, bright blue, sad sad grey, chocolate brown. Fear, hiding in those eyes. Hope lingering. Dead eyes. Dead human eyes, dead demon eyes. Dead dead eyes. So many eyes.

Death, I want to die.

The dragon is staring at me, with orange eyes. No fear or hope in those eyes. Just… wonder. Wonder in those orange eyes.
“A Potter, eh?” a voice in my head. Young. Voices in my mind, hissing. I nod in response.
“In name, perhaps,” I reply. Wonder in those orange eyes.
“Ah, I see,” the dragon nods, seeming to understand, their voice in my head. A human voice. A demon voice. So so similar. Whispering from the shadows, hissing in my ears. Demon voices, human voices, angel voices. Angel screams, so similar. Demon screams, human screams. Ringing in my ears. It hurts so much. Death, I want to die. Just listen to me. Please.
“A Slytherin," I feel the need to say.
“The house system still stands, even now," resignation in the dragon’s voice. Sadness in those orange eyes. So much sadness. So many sad eyes. Sad sad eyes. Dead dead eyes. “Why I ever thought mortals would change. I’ll take you three to the Demon King’s castle. For no reason other than that Slytherin’s stick together.”
“Thank you,” replies Regulus, “I am sorry, for all of this. I should have—”
“The past is the past, Regulus.” says the dragon in my mind, “what is done is done.”

~|~

The castle rests on top of a mountain, overlooking the Demon Realm. Demons circle above it on black wings. Demon wings. They look different here. Demons are shapeshifters. They seem less human… and yet more human than before. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing does, anymore. I can’t think, not with the ringing in my head. Buzzing in my ears. Whispers at the back of my mind. Hissing from the shadows. Demon voices, human voices, angel voices. So, so, so, similar. It hurts. It hurts so much. I want it to stop. Why won’t it stop? I can’t think.
“So feel." Avoice in the back of my mind. "Don’t think. Feel.”

But I can’t. Not without him. I can’t help but feel with him. But he’s not here. Scorpius is somewhere else, a world away.

I can’t snap out of it. Not the way they need me to.

The dragon is approaching the castle quickly. We’re almost there— and then we are. Landing on the ground, feet on the grass. Green grass. Grass isn’t green like that, at home. Where is home? With Scorpius. Trees with red leaves. It’s cold, so cold. How can they survive here? I don’t know. I don’t know much about this place. And I can’t think. I can’t feel. Can’t snap out of it. Ringing in my head, buzzing in my ears, crawling over my skin. It won’t get off, won’t go away. Why won’t it stop? Let it stop, let me snap out of it. Please. It’s easier, not feeling. I rather like it. But I just want it to stop. It hurts so much. Why won’t it stop. I’d do anything to stop it hurting, now. It hurts so much. Death, I want to die. Please listen. Listen to me, Death. I want to die. I want it all to stop. Stop hurting. Stop hurting others and being hurt myself. Please, Death. Listen to me. I want to die.

Please.

Regulus has a flame in his hand, Morgana’s Shield glowing slightly on his finger. Theo has notched an arrow to his bow, holding it at his side. Even the dragon has taken a protective stance, orange eyes flicking between demons. Approaching demons. About to try and kill us. I gulp, reaching for the sword at my hip.
“We wish an audience with the Demon King," Regulus says clearly, and the demons halt their progress. “I am the Champion of Blarz, the element of Fire.”

~|~

The Demon King watches us as we enter, his ocean blue eyes calculating. Dark ocean blue – deep pools I wish I could lose myself in. Am loosing myself in. They’re staring at me. Not Regulus or Theo or the dragon. I want to lose myself in the ocean, tell my darkest secrets to those deep blue pools. The Demon King quirks a lip, turning his attention to Regulus. I snap out of the trance.
“What brings you here?” he asks, with calculating deep blue ocean eyes. Regulus hesitates. “Why are you here, once again?” the Demon King stares Regulus in the eyes, standing from his throne and descending down the steps. “Go on. Tell me the reason. The secret.”
“To kill you," says Regulus, almost absentmindedly. Theo looks to Reg in worry.

The Demon King chuckles as we’re seized, hands cuffed behind our backs.
“You travel a world only to fall at the last step.” Blue oceans. Trustworthy calculating eyes. Deep dark pools. “Perhaps I should give you a chance. Single combat. Tomorrow at sunrise," the Demon King mused, “you’re welcome to refuse, of course. If you suceed in killing me, I leave orders for you to be let out alive and unchained. You, and your companions.”
“It seems like a trick,” Theo murmers to Regulus.
“Of course it’s a trick,” Regulus replies in a similar tone, “but it’s our best shot.” He turns to the Demon King, who is now standing just in front of us. “I’ll take the deal.”
“Good," the Demon King nods. Reg gulps slightly at the King’s words. “Leave the boy, take the others away.” And suddenly Theo and Reg are being dragged away, struggling in their bonds. Regulus tries to send a burst of fire from his hands, but the demons holding him only growl in response.

We are alone, now, the Demon King and I. He ordered his guards to leave the room. All alone. People, nowhere. Just the King and I. Just us. He’s closer, now. Closer than before. Running a hand along my cheek. Demon hand. Demon blood on my hands. Human blood, angel blood. Demon King, Angel King. Blood on my hands. Blood everywhere. Seeping into the floor. Staining, but not. Dead eyes, demon eyes. Staring up at me, blood spilling across the floor. Demon eyes, angel eyes, trustworthy calculating deep ocean blue. I want to lose myself in those eyes.

A hand on my cheek, tilting my face towards his. My eyes. Fear in my eyes, I think. None in his. Deep dark ocean blue. I wish I could lose myself. It’s easier, not feeling. I rather like it. I can’t help but feel with him. Who? My Scorpius. And this King. Demon King, Angel King. I can’t help but feel with them.
“What’s your name, young one?” he says softly, gently stroking his thumb. I should turn away. I don’t want to, though. So I don’t.
“Albus Potter," I reply, quietly. He has demon wings, this Angel King.
“Relax, Albus. Your friends are safe from harm." His voice is familiar, soothing.
“But—"
“Shh, shh. None of that, now,” a finger pressed gently to my lips. The other hand is still there, on my cheek. Deep dark ocean blue eyes. I want to lose myself in them. “Relax, young one.” And how can I not? With those eyes staring at me softly, a gentle hand on my cheek. He takes a step forwards, I take one back. “You needn’t run from me, Albus,” the Angel King says. I look away from his eyes. I need to snap out of it. But I can’t. Not the way they need me to. Who? Scorpius and Theo and Regulus and Draco and Blaise. But where are they? A world away. So why do I care, why does it matter? It doesn’t. Not really.

The Angel King takes another step forward. I don’t retreat this time, but still can’t look into his eyes. Deep dark ocean blue. Eyes I want to lose myself in. He takes another step. So close I have to move. And another step. And another, until I’m backed up against the wall. I don’t feel trapped, although I know I should. He tilts my head towards his, again. I meet his gaze. Deep pools I want to lose myself in. Death, dear Death, the ringing won’t stop. It’s louder than before, crawling over my skin. Why won’t it stop? Humming in my ear, whispers in my mind. Screams from the shadows. Human screams, demon screams, angel screams. So many screams, so much blood. On my hands. Get it off. Just make it stop. Listen to me, Death. Please.

“Do you hear it?” asks the Demon King, so close he only needs to whisper to be heard. “The ringing in your mnd. Can you feel the magic, the power?” I nod mutely. Of course I can. How could I not? Crawling over my skin. Get it off. It hurts. Hurts so much. Just make it stop, Death. Please. The Angel King leans in closer, so he’s talking into my ear. “Do you want it to stop? I can make it stop, if you want it to. Stop it crawling over your skin, stop it hissing in your ears, and screaming in your mind. I can stop it hurting, if you want it to.” He pulls back, looking into my eyes. Deep dark ocean blue. I want to lose myself in those eyes. I want it all to stop. “I can make it stop, if you want me to. Do you want me to?” his voice is so gentle. Calming.
“Yes,” I say. I think I say. Can he hear? He needs to hear. “Yes" I repeat, almost gasping for air. “Yes, yes, yes. Please.” Hope in my eyes? Maybe. The fear is gone, now. The Angel King looks at me with deep ocean eyes. Eyes, the colour of death. Hands the colour of death. Blood everywhere. Blood on my hands, scars on my hands. So many scars. So many screams. Hissing in my ears. Humming in my mind. Ringing in my head. Crawling across my skin. It hurts so much. Why won’t it stop. “Just make it stop," I beg, “please.”

The Angel King leans in closer, seeking something in my eyes. Mesmerising ocean blue. I want to lose myself in those eyes. “Okay, then," he whispers, before touching his lips to mine.

~|~

Buzzing everywhere. Shooting through my blood, crawling over my skin. Burning icicles up my spine. I can’t think. It hurts so much. I feel so much, all at once. Happiness, sadness, fear, joy, anger, pain, hope, desire. Love. I can’t help but feel with him. Them.

And suddenly it’s gone. I feel numb outside, but my mind is screaming. I meet deep dark ocean blue. Why? Why has it all stopped. Just like that. It’s him, the Angel King. I know it is.
“Do you like it?” he asks. I can still hear it, that ringing. The hissing from the shadows, and the whispers at the back of my mind. But it doesn’t bother me. I’m detached, just like that. So quickly. “Do you like feeling power without hurting?”
“How could I not?” is my reply, “it doesn’t hurt anymore.”
“Tomorrow, when Regulus and I fight, will you stand by me or him?” The Demon King searches my eyes for something. "We could make a difference. Change your world into a better place. Make it start again, like a phoenix from the ashes.” He’s still so close, the Angel King. Leaning in to whisper in my ear. Hiss in my mind. So gentle, so soft. The wall is cold on my back, sending shivers through me. I don’t feel trapped, though. And I feel so much, now. I can’t help but feel with him. Them. “Will you stand with me, Albus? Stand by my side while we watch the world burn?” A soft whisper. Kind. The Angel King pulls back, so I can look at his eyes. I want to lose myself in those eyes. “Do you want to watch it all burn, Albus?” I have lost myself, inside those deep dark blue pools.
“Yes.”

~|~

The sun is rising. A blue sun, like the three blue moons. I’m next to the Angel King, his large black feathered wing resting over my shoulder. Demon wings. Demon King. Regulus is being dragged into the hall, but it seems distant. It all does, now. The magic, I can feel it. Creeping through me. But it does’t hurt. None of it hurts, anymore. It all stopped.

Not all of it, though.

Still a tremble in my hand, an everlasting shaking that hasn’t gone away. Still those dead dead eyes, staring at me. Evil eyes, cunning eyes, blood on my hands. So much blood. Everywhere. Theirs, mine. I cut, I bleed, but it doesn’t hurt. I rather like it, not hurting. None of it hurts, anymore. I still spiral into my mind, sometimes. But it doesn’t hurt. It stopped hurting.

Regulus is standing, a flame already in his hands. The wing leaves my shoulder as the Demon King moves forward. “Are you ready to meet Death, Regulus Black? The way you should have, long ago.”
“Not just yet. I came here to kill you. After that…” Regulus replies, fire flickering in his shielded misty grey eyes, “well, I guess I’ll see you in the Land of the Dead.” The Angel King chuckles, almost. His back is to me, two black demon wings.
“You will die today, Champion of Blarz.” A pause in time. Unspoken words passed between eyes. “Betrayal is a curious thing, is it not, Regulus? And the betrayer even more so.” All Reg does is nod slightly in response. Something is hidden in his eyes. Shielded observant misty grey eyes. Dead eyes. A sigh.
“I didn’t want— I should have… not done what I did. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I’m— I feel like— If only I’d—” Regulus is stuggling for words, choking on them. Then he stumbles away, looking anywhere but the Angel King’s eyes. “No, no. Stop. I don’t— I can’t— Stop it.” He takes struggled breaths, like he’s trying to resist something. Reg shoots a burst of flame towards the Demon King, who easily avoids it. “I said STOP!” He looks up, flames in his eyes. Wings of fire bursting from his back. I can feel the heat from here. Flames in his hands. Crawling up his arms and snaking around his neck. Burning in his misty grey eyes.
“There we go,” the Angel King says softly, the hint of a smile in his voice. “There you are.” And the Angel King is surrounded by blue light. It dulls, sinking into his skin. A glow around his black demon wings.

And the two fight.

~|~

The Angel King is talking, but I can’t hear him. Why can’t I hear him? There’s so much blood on the floor. Human blood, demon blood, angel blood. Blood on my hands. Scars on my hands. I cut, I bleed, but it doesn’t hurt. Blood everywhere. Mine. Theirs.

Regulus is fighting the Demon King. Suddenly a shield of fire pushes out of the ring on his finger. Morgana’s Shield. Reg holds his arm out, keeping his opponent at bay, while he catches his breath.

Surprise in the Angel King’s eyes. Fear, maybe. Fear in my eyes? Perhaps. But I don’t feel it. I don’t feel much, anymore. It doesn’t hurt, the ringing. It stopped hurting. A surge of power washes over me. It almost hurts, but it doesn’t. Nothing much hurts, anymore.

~|~

Regulus is coughing up blood. So much blood. So many scars littering his skin. Pain in his eyes. Those shielded observant misty grey eyes. Dead eyes. Dead dead human eyes. Staring up at me. The Demon King is by his side, whispering words. Then Regulus stills. Stops shaking, the fires around him dying out. The Angel King moves away, walking back to me. Shielded misty eyes, staring up at me. Blood all over the floor. Dead eyes. Dead dead misty grey. Reg’s eyes. Dead eyes.

~|~

Death, I don’t think I want to die, not anymore. It stopped hurting, you see. None of it hurts, anymore. I rather like it, not hurting. I cut, I bleed, but it doesn’t hurt. Blood on my hands, but it doesn’t hurt. Angel blood, demon blood, human blood. All dead dead eyes. Death, I don’t want to die. I want them to.