Dust
Why can't it all
Just
STOP!
The Angel King is next to me, a whisper in my ear. A wing curled around my shoulder as we watch the world burn. Watch it all burn, like he promised, with those deep blue ocean eyes. I could lose myself in those dark pools, have lost myself. Emotions, spinning through me, and magic, dancing on my skin. But it doesn’t hurt. None of it hurts, anymore.
I don’t want to hurt. I don’t want to kill demons.
I’m not; I’m not killing demons.
I half want them to kill me.
But Death, I don’t think I want to die.
I don’t want to die.
I want them to.
~|~
“Tell me, Albus. Have you heard what they call you?” asks my Angel King.
“I kow what they call me.”
“Do you?” deep dark ocean eyes, “Do you know? Evil, they call you. Evil eyes, cunning eyes, blood on your hands.” Eyes, the colour of death, staring up at me. Dead dead human eyes. Hands, the colour of death. “How many have you hurt, Albus?”
“I don’t want to hurt," I whisper. Soft ocean eyes.
“But you will, Albus.” Gentle voice. I’ve lost myself in those deep pools of blue. “You will hurt them. You want to.” A whisper in my ear. “You want to watch it all burn. don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And you are.” He brushes a loose strand away from my face. Cups a hand to my desk. “I promised. you. Listen, Albus. Listen to the world burning.” But I can’t. I can’t, not the way he needs me to. “Albus.” Soft voice, gentle voice, deep blue ocean eyes. “Come back, Albus. What can you hear?” Screams. Swords.
“Shut up," I say. I think I say. Can anyone really hear?
“Shh, Albus. Listen. What can you hear?” Quiet. Ashes. Dust.
“I… it’s so quiet.”
“Look, Albus. Look at what you’ve done. What we’ve done.”
I look, I see.
How could I not see before?
~|~
Eyes, staring at me. Dead eyes. Dead dead human eyes. Blood all over the floor. Blood, everywhere. Scars, on hands the colour of death. Blood on my hands. Evil eyes, cunning eyes.
People being people and dead eyes.
~|~
“All a bad dream. Please," I mutter, to myself. My hand is shaking, as it always is. “Please all just be a bad dream.”
“Not a nightmare, my son.” A whisper in my ear, a soft hissing at the back of my mind. “A future. A hope.” Next to me is a Demon King. An Angel King. My King. His blood in my veins. Demon blood. It explains so much.
I have an answer, to a question. An answer I don’t really care for.
~|~
Red leaves, on the floor. Ashes. Blood. Blood on my hands. It’s everywhere. Pooling around dead dead eyes. Eyes staring up at me. Human eyes, human blood. Evil eyes, cunning eyes, blood on my hands. Beautiful beautiful stormy grey eyes. They’re here, now. Staring at me. Calm hands, despite everything.
“Hey, Handsome.” Concern in his eyes. Beautiful beautiful stormy grey eyes.
“Scorpius?” I ask. Why is he here? Dust swirling around us. All quiet.
“Yeah, Asp. It’s me.”
“Where… When…” I trail off. Too many questions. Why do I care so much about the answers? I rather like it, not feeling. But I can’t help but feel with him. With them. “Where is he?”
“Who?” Score is confused. My Angel King. Where is he?
“The Demon King. Angel King.” Barely a whisper. Can Score hear me?
“Right here,” hissing in my head. A black wing over my shoulder. A demon wing. A Demon King. I look back, meet stormy grey eyes. “It’s just us two, Albus. Just us and dust.” I stare into Scorpius’s eyes. His hand on my cheek.
“Only us, Asp. Nobody else is here.” Soft voice, soft eyes. Deep dark ocean blue.
“Snap out of it, kid.” Hand on my shoulder, bright understanding blue.
“Come away, Albus. It’s just us.” A whisper in my ear. Soft voice, soft blue pools.
“Only us, Handsome. We’re alone.” Beautiful beautiful stormy grey. “It’s only us, Asp.
“Kid, snap out of it. Come back.” Bright understanding blue eyes. "Come back, kid.”
“Listen, Albus." Shielded misty grey. "Demon voices. Angel voices. Ringing, hissing, humming.”
“Just us. All quiet, now. We burned it. Burned it all.” Deep blue pools. “Listen, Albus.”
“Deep breaths, kid. Come back.”
“Come back, Albus. Whatever you can see and hear is not real.” Soft voice, chocolate eyes.
“Come away, son. It’s in your head. Just us, here. All quiet. Just us and dust.”
“Only us, Handsome.” Calm hands on my face, soft hands, soft voice. Pleading. “Come back.”
“Snap out of it, Al.” Sad hurt hazel eyes. “Come away. It’s in your head.”
“Listen, Albus. What can you hear?” Observant grey, misty grey.
“What can you hear? What can you see?” Deep dark ocean blue. Screams, swords. Quiet, ashes. Too many voices. Too many eyes. Too many dead dead eyes.
“Snap out of it, kid. Deep breaths.”
“It’s not real, Albus.”
“Al, it’s in your head.”
“Come back, now. Come back to reality, Albus.”
“Please, Asp. It’s only us, Handsome.”
“It’s in your head, Al.”
“Snap out of it, kid.”
“Come back to reality.”
“It’s not real.”
“All in your head.”
“Not real.”
Whispers, so soft. Hand on my shoulder, palm on my cheek, demon wing, human hand. Soft soft voices. Too many voices, all murmuring over each other.
“Just us, and dust.” I’m surrounded by ashes. Quiet. All gone. Alone, my King and I.
“Only us, Handsome. Please, come back.” Calm hands. Screams, swords, shouts. Beautiful beautiful stormy grey. Scorpius.
“Al, it’s all in your head.” Hurt hazel, soft voice. Soft snow. Blood in the snow. Cold, so cold.
“Snap out of it, kid. Come away.” Pouring rain. Red soaked leaves. Blood everywhere, scars everywhere. A hand on my shoulder, bright blue eyes.
“It’s not real, Albus. Come back.” Quiet room, shadows hissing. Wooden chair, hard and stiff. Soft chocolate eyes. Soft voice, soft smile.
“What can you hear?” Cluttered room. Loud ringing. It hurts so much. Misty shielded eyes. Eyes that have seen so much.
“Come away, son. It’s just us, and dust.” Deep dark ocean pools.
“It’s not real. Whatever you can see and hear is not real.”
“It’s in your head.”
“What can you see?”
“Snap out of it, kid.”
“It’s not real.”
“Come back. Back to reality.”
“Not real.”
“All in your head.”
Too many voices. Soft voices, whispering voices. So many places, people, people being people and dead eyes. So many dead eyes. All staring at me, whispering. Soft sad chocolate brown, hurt hazel, sad sad grey, worried green, bright understanding blue, shielded observant misty grey, curious careful amber, deep dark ocean blue, and beautiful beautiful stormy grey eyes. So many voices. Soft voices, the colour of death. Everywhere, nowhere.
“It’s not real.” But it is. It’s all real, to me. It is all so confusing. None of it make sense. But it doesn’t need to. Because all of it is real. It hurts, but it doesn’t. Rains, but not. Cold, so cold, and the taste of the sun on my lips. Red leaves, crunch underfood yet soaked. Screams, but everything’s quiet. So so loud, the ringing, bothers me but doesn’t. Blood seeps into the floor, staining it, but not. So so quiet, just dust in the wind. It’s confusing, doesn’t make sense. None of this makes sense. I don’t care where reality is because it’s all real.
“It’s only us, Handome.”
“Just us, and dust.”
“It’s just us here, Albus. Just you and me. Nobody else.”
“Nobody else, Asp. Only us.”
“Just you and me and dust."
So many whispers. Why won’t it stop? Why can’t it stop? I can’t feel, not the way I need to. But I am, and it hurts so much. I can’t help but feel with him. With them. Soft lips, soft smile. Deep dark stormy grey. Beautiful beautiful ocean blue. It won’t stop. Why won’t it stop? It’s all so confusing. So many voices. Too many voices. Too many dead dead eyes, staring up at me. Blood pooling around them, seeping into the floor. Staining it, but not. It’s all so confusing. So cold. Red leaves and white snow. Blood and scars and dead eyes. Evil eyes, cunning eyes, blood on my hands. So much blood, so many scars. Demon blood, human blood, angel blood. All over hands the colour of death. Mine, theirs. Blood, so much, everywhere. Demon-Slayer, Angel-Killer, Human-Killer. Daggers in my hands, blood on my hands, scars on my hands. My blood. My hands won’t stop shaking. His hands are there, calm despite everything. A demon wing over my shoulder, just us and dust. A hand on my shoulder, human hand, with bright blue eyes and the ghost of a smile. Eyes searching mine, chocolate eyes. So many eyes, dead dead eyes. Beautiful beautiful stormy grey, deep dark ocean blue. Lips on mine. Soft lips, soft smile, soft snow. Hazel eyes. Blood in the snow, blood on my hands. Soft sad smile. So cold, but I can feel the warmth of the sun. The pounding of rain. Soaked red leaves. Blood in the snow. Soft snow, soft smile, soft lips. Which lips? I pull back, rain falling. Beautiful beautiful ocean blue, deep dark stormy grey. Snow falling, sun shining. So confusing. Why can it all
just
STOP!
~|~
“Just us, and dust.” I turn to look at my Angel King. Black feathered wing over my shoulder. It’s quiet, so quiet. Just us, and dust.
“We burned it all.”
“As I promised.” Promised with those deep dark ocean blue eyes. I’ve lost myself in those pools. He leans in, hand to my cheek. “Because you wanted it to.” Death, I don’t want to die. I wanted them to. And they did. Death listened. “You wanted to see it all burn, so it did. And now it can start again, like a phoenix from the ashes.” He’s close, now. I lean into his touch. “It’s all ashes, now.”
“Just us, and dust.”
~|~
“Only us, Handsome. Please come back.” His hands are holding mine. Calm, despite everything. Ashes swirl around us. Smoke in the wind, something is burning. The clash of swords and the sound of screams. People everywhere, and demons the colour of death. There’s blood on the floor, blood on my hands. It’s night, but I can’t see the stars. Only the orange glow of fire.
“Score.” I gasp, resurfacing.
“Hey, there you are.” A quick kiss on soft lips. “Had me worried.
“What… Where…” I stumble over my words, ashes in my mouth.
“Demon attack, in Hogsmeade. They’re all gone, Asp." Tears in those beautiful beautiful stormy grey eyes. “It’s only us, now, Handsome.”
~|~
“Al, it’s all in your head.” I meet hurt hazel eyes, and hear a sigh of relief. It is cold, so cold. Snow is falling. But the ground is red. There’s blood in the cold cold snow. Blood on my hands. My blood. I look at my brother. Fear, in my eyes, maybe. I certainly feel it. I feel so much. The taste of the sun on my tongue. It’s cold, though. Oh so very cold.
“The blood.” I whisper, and James is confused.
“What blood, Al?” he asks.
“It’s everywhere,” I murmer. Panic in my voice. He responds with soft words.
“Al, it’s all in your head."
~|~
“Snap out of it, kid. Come away.” We’re caught in a storm, rain is pounding in my ears. Theo has a hand on my shoulder as I stare in horror at my own hands. I can feel his eyes on me. Bright understanding blue eyes. There’s blood everywhere, soaking red leaves. The ghost of a smile brings me back. “Hey there, kid.”
“Theo.” I smile. How long had it been since we last saw each other? Since I last saw those bright blue eyes. Dead eyes. Dead misty grey eyes, staring up at me. Where’s Regulus? Not here. He’s gone. Like the rest. People being people and dead eyes. “There’s so much blood, Theo.” Blood, everywhere. Scars everywhere. Theo’s voice is distant.
“Snap out of it, kid.”
~|~
“It’s not real, Albus. Come back.” It's quiet, here. There’s no pounding rain or shouts and screams. Hissing, in the shadows. Whispers in my ear, humming at the back of my mind. I feel strange. It feels familiar. Those soft sad chocolate eyes looking into mine. The chair is wood, hard and stiff. I trace my fingers along the grooves, blood seeping into the wood. Blood on my hands. Evil eyes, cunning eyes. Soft sad chocolate eyes. Soft voice, soft smile. But I can’t hear him. Why can’t I hear him? Ashes in my mouth. The sun on my lips. I’m in a quiet room. Just Blaise and I, here. No smoke, no ashes. So why can I smell it, taste it? Whispers in my ear. “It’s not real, Albus.”
~|~
“What can you hear?” Regulus talking, in a cluttered room. The head’s office. We’re looking for something. Theo’s there, too. A loud ringing, in my head. So so loud. It hurts, the humming in my mind. The hissing in my ears, the whispers from the shadows. Demon voices, angel voices. Dead demon eyes. Dead human eyes. Dead misty grey eyes. No, Reg is standing in front of me. His eyes are shielded, shielded eyes that have seen so much. It hurts so much, the ringing. Piercing through my mind. I can hear screams in the wind. But we’re inside, no wind. Ashes, but nothing’s burning. I listen closer. The ringing hurts so much. “What can you hear?”
~|~
“Please all just be a bad dream.”
“Not a nightmare, my son. A future. A hope.” Next to me is a Demon King. Angel King. Deep dark ocean eyes. “Dreams.”
“Just us and dust.” I whisper, close my eyes.
They fly open. A room. Green and black, Slytherin colours. Rain outside, grey clouds. Beautiful beautiful stormy grey eyes. It was all just a bad ream. Just us and dust.
Was it just a bad dream?
I wasn’t just fighting demons. It wasn’t just demon blood on my hands. So much blood. So many scars.
I scare myself, sometimes. With my thoughts. It was all so confusing, is confusing. All happening at once. I can taste the sun on my lips, feel the cold cold snow under my skin. The grooves of wood beneath my fingers.
It’s all confusing. It doesn’t make sense. It wasn’t, then it was. Demons were angels, and angels weren’t demons. People were people and dead eyes. All the colour of death, now, then, when? Blood stained the floor, but it didn’t. Dead dead eyes staring up at me, but now they’re not.
It all happened.
Never happened.
Hasn’t happened.
Hasn’t happened yet.