Listen to Me, Butterfly

Remus was fine. Absolutely, undeniably, irrevocably fine. Sure, he had just had the worst sleep of his life. Sure, he had woken up multiple times, either drenched in sweat or, in painful contrast, uncontrollably trembling as though his veins had morphed into pure icicles stabbing through his bloodstream. Sure, he was forced to sleep on his right side due to the fiery, unforgiving pain that plagued his left hip—which further irritated him as he could never get comfortable on the opposite side.

Remus had even accidentally woken Sirius up after copious amounts of tossing and turning and sighing, though it was obvious Sirius wasn’t fully conscious as he sleepily mumbled: “Y’okay?” before being dragged back into a deep slumber, barely giving Remus time to reply.

But he was fine. This was fine!

Sirius had been giddily badgering on about this grand idea he had for the perfect Christmassy outing for an entire week now, and there was absolutely no way Remus was going to ruin it for him by letting this whatever the hell this was get the better of him.

So—naturally—Remus completely ignored all the red flags that were desperately waving in his face, shrieking for his attention: “Open your eyes, you twit!”

Having been ever so rudely awakened by Sirius at an ungodly hour for a Saturday, Remus reluctantly dragged himself out of bed and lazily got himself dressed. He wasn’t even slightly surprised to see Sirius adorning his staple leather jacket, despite the subzero temperatures haunting the air.

Remus rolled his eyes, a smile innocently tugging at his lips. “You’re going to freeze.”

“Maybe.” Sirius shrugged, head tilted a little as he dragged dark eyeliner across his waterline. “But at least I look gorgeous.”

Alas, Remus could not argue with that. Sirius had thrown his hair into a sort of half-up half-down style, twisting half into an imperfect bun behind his head, which Remus always adored on him. It pushed his dark hair out of his face just enough to reveal the multitude of piercings that hugged his ears, as well as the very top of one of his tattoos that poked its way out from under Sirius’ shirt, the tip of the constellation just slightly visible on his neck.

God, he was fucking ethereal.

Once the pair were finally ready, they slipped out of their flat and hastily made their way to the London Underground. The tube was always far too obnoxious and crowded and overwhelming, made even worse during the Christmas season, but they ultimately had no other option, what with the roads being far too icy and treacherous for Sirius’ beloved motorbike.

Remus’ hatred for the tube was only amplified when he was forced to witness someone in a Grinch costume battle a person dressed as Santa down the aisle where they were sitting, throwing weak punches and clutching at their bodies dramatically when fists connected with skin. It’s safe to say Remus and Sirius were both left sufficiently scarred—though their camera rolls were certainly thriving.

After the most confusing (and dare he say entertaining) journey of all time, they finally reached their destination. Sirius grabbed hold of Remus’ hand once they had stepped onto the platform like a mother determined to not lose their child in a crowd. His rings were cool against Remus’ skin as Sirius led them through the thick horde and out onto the equally bustling streets of London.

Remus was then reminded of his boyfriends awful road safety skills as he narrowly avoided the oncoming traffic. “It’s fine, they don’t have the audacity to run me over anyway.”

Remus made a mental note to never let Sirius cross a road by himself again.

All the chaos finally melted away once they made it to that familiar arch at the entrance of the Christmas markets. In fact, it’d probably just begun. It’s London at Christmas after all, anything goes.

“I thought it was supposed to be quieter in the mornings.” Remus huffed, still clinging to Sirius’ hand as though he’d vanish if he let go. He buried his face slightly in his dark green scarf, working to dodge the mass crowds of people surrounding the area.

Sirius gave a small laugh. “Yeah, me too. Can’t say I’m overly surprised, though.”

The scent of cinnamon dusted churros and mulled wine hung thickly in the air. Usually it would be comforting, but today it just made Remus feel ill. At least, that was probably why he felt sick. Yeah, it was definitely just the overpowering scents. The fairy lights strung over red and green stalls quietly glistened, despite the fact it was still very much light out. Festive music blasted throughout the market, forcing Remus to slightly raise his voice so Sirius could hear him.

“So, what are we doing?” Sirius had been incredibly cryptic about his plans, utterly unwilling to reveal them until the day of.

A smile quickly spread across Sirius’ face, his grey eyes glistening. “Ice skating first.”

Remus wasn’t even slightly surprised. He had known Sirius for eleven long years now, and every year without fail he was dragged to an ice rink at least once at Christmas. The first time they went, Sirius, James and Peter had forgotten Remus didn’t know how to skate and had sped off without him, all having learnt on a frozen lake in James’ back garden. It took all of ten minutes for Remus to end up on the ground, his wrist bent in an entirely unnatural manner. It’s safe to say that the next time they went the other three overly coddled Remus, refusing to let him out of their sight until they were sure he could confidently skate on his own.

These days, he wouldn’t quite describe himself as a particularly good skater, but he could stay upright—and that was good enough for him.

Once they had hired their skates, they strolled over to a bench to get them on. Sirius tied his effortlessly, but Remus’ hands were trembling at an odd rate, making it nearly impossible for him to lace his own skates.

Sirius must have noticed as he swiftly stood from the bench. “Here,” he said softly, gently kneeling down in front of Remus and lacing his boots.

Remus sort of felt like a child, but he couldn’t deny that he appreciated the assistance. “Thank you.” He gave a small smile.

Sirius rose to his feet before holding a hand out to Remus and pulling him up as well. “Your hands are really shaky.” He raised an eyebrow in question.

Remus cleared his throat. “Yeah, must be from the cold.”

Right?

Sirius looked slightly sceptical, but he didn’t push the matter further. Sirius easily stepped onto the ice ahead of Remus, who was a little less graceful. The sharp cold was like a punch to the gut. Still, he remained upright, and quickly followed Sirius as he swiftly glided down the rink, meticulously dodging the other skaters.

Remus watched as Sirius made his way into the middle where it was quieter, allowing him to sneak in a few jumps and spins and whatever else his heart desired. He was mesmerising. Remus couldn’t fight off the smile that swept over his features as he silently admired Sirius.

He fell in line with Remus after, appearing content to skate slowly so he could chat with Remus while they circled the ice.

“You’re getting better at this, you know,” Sirius praised. “I don’t think you’ve fallen once in years.”

Remus smirked. “That’s because I practically crawl around the rink like a snail wrapped in bubble wrap.”

“Well, a win is a win.” Sirius shrugged.

“Did you remember to invite everyone round tomorrow? It’s our turn to host games night,” Remus asked as he slipped a hand into Sirius’, Sirius slowing his pace in turn.

“I did.” Sirius nodded. “We’ll need to pop to the shops tomorrow morning for snacks, though.”

Remus arched an eyebrow. “I thought you bought stuff the other day?”

“Ah, well, you see, it appears there was a robbery in the middle of the night and now there are mere crumbs left. Tragic, really.” Sirius placed a hand on his forehead, tilting his head back dramatically.

Remus narrowed his eyes. “So you ate them, then.”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Remus elbowed Sirius in the ribs, a smile quickly invading his features. “Greedy twat,” he laughed.

Sirius gasped in faux offence, bringing a hand to his chest. “Moony, I’m wounded. I was simply ensuring that the snacks weren’t poisoned.”

“Ah. So you had to eat all of them to come to a conclusion?” Remus swerved slightly as he narrowly avoided an incredibly tiny child circling near his feet.

“Obviously.” Sirius playfully rolled his eyes. “Had to take one for the team. Didn’t want you all succumbing to the mysterious poison.”

“Oh, how thoughtful,” Remus teased.

A few laps later, Remus began to struggle. The cold air harshly bit through him, yet he could feel sweat building on the back of his neck and at his brow. His legs began wobbling more with each glide, and he was starting to find breathing more challenging. One fateful step caused him to lose his balance, and he would’ve came crashing to the ground if Sirius hadn’t managed to quickly steady him.

Unfortunately for him, one of Sirius’ hands found Remus’ waist, applying brutal pressure to his left hip, and Remus wasn’t able to hold back the wince that escaped him.

Sirius’ eyes widened, and he quickly retracted his hand. “Are you okay?” He worriedly searched Remus’ face.

Remus squeezed his eyes shut as he rode out a fresh wave of pain before slowly nodding. “Yeah, fine.” A lie. “I bashed my hip off a door yesterday. I suppose it’s still a bit sore.”

That was all Sirius needed to know. He certainly didn’t need to mention that the ‘bash’ was actually more of a ‘slice’ and the ‘door’ actually took the form of a slightly rusted nail.

That was completely irrelevant.

Sirius’ eyes softened. “Aw, Moons, you should’ve told me. Do you want to get off the ice?”

Remus simply brushed him off. “It’s fine. This is your favourite. We can stay.”

Sirius’ expression shifted to something more stern. “Okay, no, we’re absolutely not doing this.” Sirius took Remus’ hands in his own. “If you’re in pain, you need to tell me, okay? I don’t care about skating, there will be plenty of opportunities to go some other time.”

Remus sighed. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“You and your apologies.” Sirius laughed despite himself. “Come on, let’s go do something else, yeah?”

Remus stared fondly into Sirius’ eyes for a brief moment before nodding. “Okay.” He smiled.

——

Sirius decided the carnival games were a good alternative, and eagerly dragged Remus over by the arm. Remus swallowed a wave of dizziness as they weaved in and out of the crowd, though he kept that particular detail to himself.

“You do know these are so unbelievably rigged, yes?” Remus droned, though he couldn’t deny that he was slightly intrigued.

Sirius snorted. “Obviously. If your wallet isn’t absolutely screaming by the end while you have absolutely nothing to show for it, then you’ve done something wrong.”

“Well, as long as it’s your wallet that’s crying, I’m fine,” Remus joked, smirking.

They stumbled upon hook-a-duck first, which happened to be one of those games where there was a guaranteed prize each time, though Remus almost had a heart attack when he saw a single play costed six pounds. Six. For one shot.

Nevertheless, Sirius forked up the small fortune of twelve pounds so they could both have a go. The man at the stall looked incredibly bored, and he undoubtedly didn’t want to be there.

“Rules are simple,” he muttered. “Pick up a duck, yes—with your hands. Yes, I know this is hook a duck. No, I cannot whip out a rod for you.”

Charming.

“Flip the duck once you have it. Green on the bottom is a small prize, blue is medium, red is the one you want.” The man picked at his nails, not bothering to make eye contact with anyone.

Charming.

Sirius, who appeared to be wholly unaffected by the man’s rudeness, scanned the ducks with his eyes. They were all slightly different—either adorning a different item of clothing or a different pattern or colour. Remus watched as Sirius closed his eyes, concentrating.

Remus raised an eyebrow in amusement. “What on earth are you doing?”

“Shhh.” Sirius held a single finger to his lips. “I’m listening.”

Remus paused. “Listening to what?”

“The ducks.”

Remus blinked. “ …Right. And what are they saying?”

Sirius exhaled deeply. “They’re telling me which one to pick, obviously.”

“Ah, yes, obviously.” Remus nodded mockingly. Personally, he didn’t feel like waiting for the ducks to talk to him, and he grabbed the first one he saw. The yellow rubber duck wore black sunglasses, with a lip—or rather—beak piercing and a black leather jacket.

“Hey, this one looks like you,” Remus said, chuckling as he held up the duck.

Sirius cracked an eye open. “Oh my god,” he exclaimed, eyes widening in glee. “I love him. Can we keep him?”

Remus snorted. “No, Pads, I don’t think kidnapping the rubber ducks is allowed.”

Sirius pouted. “Just shove him in your pocket, it’s fine.”

Remus rolled his eyes, turning the duck over. Blue.

The man working at the stall—who had been paying absolutely no attention to the pair at all—eventually remembered himself and pointed Remus in the direction of the medium prizes.

Now, he was incredibly tempted to get the inflatable hammer to wallop Sirius over the head when his ego got the better of him, but he opted for a small, honey-brown teddy bear instead.

“And he looks like you.” Sirius smirked, pointing at the bear.

Remus looked down at the teddy, and then back up to Sirius, blinking. “I’m sorry, in what world…?”

“Oh come on, he totally looks like you. That bear screams Remus Lupin.”

“How so?”

“Cause your-“ Sirius flapped a hand about as he searched for the right words. “Your fur is the same colour.”

Remus raised his eyebrows, shooting Sirius a disbelieving yet somewhat amused look. “Our fur?”

“Oh, you know what I mean.” Sirius waved a hand dismissively. “Your hair is the same.”

Remus, not totally convinced, stepped back and watched as Sirius picked a duck with red lips scattered across its body.

“Of course you picked that one, you slag,” Remus teased.

Sirius brought a hand up to his heart. “Moony,” he gasped in faux offence. “How dare you.”

Remus simply winked as Sirius flipped his own duck, revealing a green dot at the bottom.

“Oh you traitor.”

Sirius very quickly perked up as he skipped away from the stall with a brand new pack of Christmas themed stickers, many of which already stuck to his black t-shirt and on Remus’ jumper.

“But the penguin will look so cute on you, Moony!” Sirius whined, gesturing to the plethora of stickers attached to Remus.

“Pads, that’s what you said about the gingerbread man. And Santa. And that present. And the wreath. And—“

Sirius peeled the jolly penguin off the sticker sheet and quickly flattened it amongst the other stickers clinging onto Remus’ jumper.

Remus pressed his lips together, fighting the urge to smile. “Right. Nice.”

Sirius shot him a mischievous look before turning back around. “Ha, look, it’s Prongs!” Sirius pointed at a reindeer statue stood next to a basketball game stall.

Remus snickered. “Oh, shut up, will you?” He then rolled his eyes, which he immediately regretted as the the world became hazy, the dizziness creeping its way back in. Remus screwed his eyes shut, a small sound crawling it’s way out of his throat.

Remus felt Sirius falter beside him. “Moony?” Sirius placed a gentle hand on his arm. “What’s wrong? Are you alright?” Remus didn’t have to look at his face to know it was the picture of concern.

Forcing his eyes open, Remus gave a small, “Yeah, sorry, I’m fine.”

Sirius didn’t look even marginally convinced, his worried eyes piercing into Remus’. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” Remus forced a smile, swallowing his obvious discomfort. “Let’s go drain our wallets on more carnival games.”

Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed, but he left it at that. “Yeah, okay—“

“Oh my god.”

Sirius snapped his head towards Remus. “What— what’s wrong?”

“Sirius.”

“Yes? Moony, what is it—“

“I want the bear.”

Sirius blinked. “You— what? What bear?” He began scanning his surroundings.

Remus lifted a shaky arm, eyes wholly transfixed on the large, deep brown bear that hung at the top of the basketball stall, wearing a green grandad jumper with small wired glasses and a flat cap.

“Sirius, I really want the bear,” he repeated.

Sirius gave a small gasp as his eyes finally found the bear in question. “Oh. Oh my god.” He stared. “I am absolutely winning you that bear. I don’t care how much it takes. I’ll give them the flat if I have to,” he said with thick determination.

“Well, preferably don’t do that.”

Sirius brushed him off. “Whatever it takes, Moons.” He saluted before making his way over to the stall.

Alas, they got to keep their flat in the end—but after eight shots of that cursed basketball game Sirius’ wallet was sobbing.

But Remus was now the very proud owner of Rupert the teddy bear, and he’d never been happier.

“Now my bear from earlier has a dad.” Remus beamed. “Or maybe an uncle. Or like… A creepy neighbour who stares out the window far too often and asks way too many unwarranted questions about your personal life.”

Sirius slowly turned his head towards Remus, both eyebrows raised in questioning. “Is this your way of telling me that we need to move?”

Remus smirked. “Relax, I’m just adding some spice to little Barnaby bear over here.” He patted the bears head. “I mean, what else is he going to discuss in therapy?” When Sirius didn’t retract his previous look, Remus sighed. “Fine. Rupert can be his dad.”

“Yeah, I think we might need to talk about that one later,” Sirius said, oddly amused.

They were debating whether to waste even more money on carnival games or make their bank accounts suffer at the hands of some of the attractions instead when Sirius’ phone began to ring. He reached into his jacket pocket to grab it, and Remus gave him a very unimpressed look when he saw the contact name boob enjoyer flashing across the screen.

Sirius paused, looking down at his phone screen and then back up at Remus. “I plead the fifth.”

“You do realise that’s an American thing.”

Sirius opened and then closed his mouth again before drawing his gaze away from Remus. He finally answered, bringing the phone up to his ear as they continued to stroll through the market. “What do you want?” he asked in tones of mock frustration.

Remus couldn’t hear the person on the other side, but he didn’t need to to know that Mr boob enjoyer was none other than James Potter.

“Yes, you are interrupting actually. We’re on a very serious date here, Jamie.”

Cha-ching.

“Oh, get your mind out of the gutter.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “We’re at Winter Wonderland.”

Remus readjusted Rupert in his arms, squeezing his middle. Barnaby, as he had decided to name the small bear he won during hook-a-duck, was poking out of Sirius’ jacket pocket—probably crying for help.

Remus could feel a strange heat crawling up his face before uncomfortably settling at his cheeks. He brought a hand up to touch his face, and was surprised by the immense heat he felt radiating from his skin.

Suddenly, Sirius’ demeanour shifted, his face lighting up. “You’re kidding!” he beamed. “I had no idea they were showing that. Moony is gonna flip.”

Remus startled at the mention of his name, dragging his hand away from his cheek and directing his gaze onto Sirius.

“Yeah, that’s perfect. Thanks, Prongs. Tell Lily she’s a Goddess. Oh shut up James, I’m taken. Yeah, yeah, whatever. We’ll see you later.” Sirius brought the phone away from his ear, ending the call.

Remus slightly tilted his head to one side in silent questioning.

Sirius smirked. “How would you like to go and see Love Actually at the cinema later with Lily and James?”

Remus’ eyes sparkled with excitement, a grin quickly spreading across his face. “Are you serious?!”

“Well—“

“Don’t say it.”

“Okay.” Sirius held up both hands in surrender. “But yes, I’m serious. Lily booked the tickets earlier.”

“Fuck yes.” Remus threw his head back in celebration. “I bloody love that movie.”

“I know you do,” he laughed. “Now come on, let’s go and do something else before we need to head to the cinema.” Sirius slipped his hand into Remus’, and Remus had to tuck Rupert under his arm so he didn’t drop him.

They didn’t make it very far before Remus started to feel strange again. His vision began to swim again, and he couldn’t help but notice the way nothing really felt real. Remus began slowing down, each step seemingly requiring a tremendous amount of effort.

Sirius softly squeezed Remus’ hand to get his attention, clearly noticing the change in demeanour. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Sirius asked, eyebrows knitted and voice dripping with concern.

Remus forced a nod. There was no need to make a big deal out of it. It was probably nothing.

Probably.

“Fine,” he croaked out. “Just cold.” Remus hoped his flushed cheeks appeared as though they were from the chilly weather, not the fever that was beginning to plague his body.

Sirius seemed to accept this for now. “Why don’t we go and get hot chocolate, then?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Sirius, who somehow had the entire place mentally mapped out, led them round to the shopping area where they had to squeeze past a myriad of people to reach the hot chocolate stand. The queue was fairly long, but Sirius distracted Remus by ranting about a rude shop worker he encountered the other day, clearly over exaggerating the details.

“And then she literally chucked the coin at my forehead. Like, literally right here.” Sirius pressed a finger in the middle of his forehead in demonstration.

Remus snorted. “You’re telling me, Susan, the senile old woman at the corner shop, assaulted you with a 50p coin?”

“Yes!” A smile creeped its way over Sirius’ features. He was clearly enjoying himself. “Those bastard coins are sharp, you know. They’ve got at least a thousand sides.”

“Seven.”

“Same difference.” Sirius waved dismissively, smirking.

Sirius, ever the gentleman, paid for both hot chocolates before carefully handing one to Remus, who was finding it strangely challenging to keep the cup still in his trembling hands.

Sirius eyed Remus warily before taking Rupert from him for a while to allow Remus to get a better grip on his drink.

Sirius took a sip of his own before turning to Remus. “So, what do you want to do now? Interested in any of the rides?”

Usually, Remus would be more than up for risking his life on those deathtraps. But today the mere thought of sitting in a ride vehicle made him beyond nauseous.

“I’m not sure my hip would appreciate it, I’m afraid.” It wasn’t quite a lie. It just wasn’t the entire truth.

Sirius’ eyebrows furrowed as he came to a halt. “You’re that bad?” his voice was smaller now, and a pool of guilt began forming in Remus’ stomach.

“I mean…” Remus paused as he searched for the right words—ones that wouldn’t send Sirius into cardiac arrest. “Not really, it’s just a bit uncomfortable, is all. I don’t want to get on a ride that ends up being rough and I bash my hip again.”

Sirius bit his lip as though he didn’t quite believe him. “Promise you’ll tell me if you’re hurting?”

“Yeah.” Remus nodded. “Promise.” The word tasted bitter on Remus’ tongue. It was a blatant lie.

Sirius gave a small smile at that. “Alright. Well, if you don’t want to stay here, I may or may not have something else in mind.” He winked.

——

Shortly after, they found themselves on the busy streets of London once again, heading straight for a row of prestigious designer shops. The game started roughly four years ago, though Remus and Sirius were significantly less sober back then. The rules were simple: they both entered a high-end store that was far too prestigious for them on a normal day, and adopted new personas. Sometimes they would act like rich people having a lovers quarrel over which luxurious pair of shoes they should buy and desperately hold back a laugh as the shop workers tried to figure out how to calm them down. Other times they would act all pretentious and pretend to be rich businessmen who were incredibly interested in every product in the store, quizzing the staff on very small details about each object that they would definitely not know the answer to, but usually pretended to anyway as they didn’t like to be out smarted.

Today, they were a rich married couple Christmas shopping for their stuck up son, who they decided to name Teddy. Usually they would choose a shop at random, but today they had a target in mind. It was a luxurious shop that specialised in high-end shoes. The only reason they were aware of its existence is because Lily told them a story the other week about how she went in there recently and received a plethora of dirty looks and patronising comments from the staff who believed they were holier than thou.

And it was because of this that the pair decided they were going to be the most obnoxious, troublesome customers ever.

The shop floor was blanketed with a soft cream carpet, with a few round marble tables holding a plethora of different shoes scattered around the room. There was a set of mahogany shelves at each side, each carrying more products.

There were only two staff members present. An older gentleman with silvery hair and a rather large nose, and a woman with incredibly botched highlights and so much botox in her lips that Remus was surprised they didn’t explode.

They definitely weren’t in the correct attire to be in here, so their acting needed to be on point.

Sirius walked in first, throwing the glass doors open and strutting in. The man practically jumped out of his skin before remembering himself, straightening his navy suit jacket and striding confidently towards the pair.

“Good afternoon,” he greeted. “Welcome to Maison de Chaussures. How may I help you both today?”

Sirius brushed past the man, walking over to one of the shelves on the right. Remus followed closely behind.

“Ugh,” Sirius scoffed dramatically, running a hand over the shelf. “Darling, this place is hardly up to our usual standards. I don’t think this has been dusted since the eighteenth century.” He rubbed his fingers together, wiping off the imaginary dust. “But, our sweet little Teddy simply cannot wait another day for his new shoes.”

Remus nodded, rolling his eyes. “Honestly, I don’t know why he insists on growing out of his shoes so fast. It’s terribly inconvenient.”

The woman made her way over. “Ah, you’re looking for shoes for you son?” she asked. Her voice was sweet and innocent, but the look behind her eyes was anything but. And Remus can’t say he quite appreciated the look she gave Rupert—who was still in his arms—either.

“Yes.” Sirius kept running his fingers over every pair of shoes in sight, earning him some deadly looks from the two staff members. “You see, our little prince is quite particular.” He picked up a pair of all white shoes, turned them over, and then slammed them back on the shelf the wrong way up.

With the noise that escaped the man’s throat at that, you’d think he was genuinely in pain.

Remus continued for him. “Yes, he needs the shoes to be undeniably perfect. He refused the last pair because the green detailing on them was, and I quote, ‘A disgrace to human kind and everything we stand for.’” Remus made air quotes, bending his fingers after each word. “I mean, kids and their imaginations, am I right?” He gave his best ‘stuck up rich person’ laugh.

The woman—Gizelle, as Remus read from her name tag—scrambled to grab different pairs of shoes from the shelves and present them to Remus and Sirius.

Of course, they weren’t going to make it easy for her.

“I’m sorry, did you not hear me when I said they have to be undeniably perfect?”

“Have you seen the stitching on that? Teddy would keel over at the sight!”

“I think those shoes very well may have rendered me blind.”

“Oh, sweetheart . . . Absolutely not.”

Once the staff members look suitably frustrated, they made their final move.

“Well, since we simply cannot decide what to buy him, we’ll just have to take one of everything on this shelf and let him decide, won’t we, darling?” Sirius feigned innocence.

Remus placed a hand on Sirius’ arm, gasping. “Why, yes! I think that’s a perfect idea, my love.”

And, oh, if looks could kill.

“Certainly,” the man—who they now knew to be Gerald—forced out through gritted teeth. Gerald and Gizelle worked to box up roughly six pairs of shoes before Remus and Sirius decided this had gone on long enough.

Remus pulled his phone out from his pocket, pretending to be shocked as he turned it on. “Oh no, Teddy just texted—he’s decided he wants boots instead. I’m afraid we’ll have to go somewhere else.”

Sirius put a hand on his heart. “Oh, what an absolute shame,” he said, pouting. “And to think all of these boxed up shoes are going to waste!”

Remus nodded, faking a solemn look. “Yes, how tragic. Well, the boy wants what the boy wants!”

Sirius looped his arm around Remus. “Well, thank you so very much for all your help. Have a wonderful day!” He spun around, striding out the door before they even had the chance to respond.

Once they were outside, Sirius kept his arm in Remus’ as they strode down the cobble street, absolutely ecstatic. “Oh, did you see the looks they gave us? I think Gerald was ready to throw fists.”

Remus tipped his head back and laughed. “Please, the guy was ancient. I think he remembers the invention of the telephone.”

Sirius snorted at that. “Speaking of phones, please tell me you remembered to record the audio for Lily.”

“Don’t worry.” Remus dug into his jacket pocket, pulling his phone out and waving it. “I’ve got it.” He winked

Sirius sighed in relief. “Thank god. Lily’s gonna love this.”

Somehow, they were inside the shop for so long that the sun had more or less disappeared, allowing the moon to make its first appearance of the night. Remus always adored London in the nighttime—especially at Christmas. Thousands of warm toned fairy lights were strung across the lampposts, glistening above their heads. Most of the buildings had Christmas decorations of their own on display, ranging from fully decked out Christmas trees to inflatable snowmen dutifully greeting shoppers at the doors.

They walked in comfortable silence for a while, simply admiring the world around them. Remus leaned into Sirius a little more, occasionally briefly closing his eyes as they walked. He had absolutely no doubts that Sirius would keep him safe.

But once the adrenaline from earlier began to wear off, the shivers crept their way back in. Followed by the flushed cheeks, and the sweat that clung to his neck and brow. And suddenly the people in front of him sort of blurred together, merging into fuzzy blobs in his vision.

And his hip burned.

This time, when Remus leaned into Sirius, it wasn’t to be affectionate.

“Moony?” Sirius snapped his gaze to Remus immediately, clearly noticing the amount of weight Remus was putting on him. “Remus—are you okay?” Sirius began slowing down, earning him frustrated grunts from pedestrians behind them.

“Fine,” Remus forced out through gritted teeth, but his body betrayed him as a wince escaped after taking another step.

Sirius’ eyebrows pinched together. “Hey—why don’t we sit down for a minute, yeah?”

Remus didn’t have it in him to argue. He allowed Sirius to lead them to a miraculously empty bench at the end of a busy street, and he felt Sirius’ hands at his shoulders as he slowly lowered him down. Instead of taking a seat next to him, Sirius crouched in front of Remus, and carefully removed Rupert from Remus’ arms, placing him off to the side. He then took Remus’ hands in his own and began gently running his thumb over Remus’ knuckles.

Remus tilted his head down slightly, trying to shield his face from Sirius. If he didn’t look ill before, he certainly did now.

His suspicions were confirmed when Sirius reached up and firmly placed the back of his hand to Remus’ forehead. Usually, Remus would bat Sirius’ hand away and complain that he was fussing too much, but he didn’t have the strength this time. He simply allowed it to happen, slightly leaning into the touch and the feel of Sirius’ cool hand on his too hot forehead.

“You’re burning up.” Sirius frowned, retracting his hand and placing it back in Remus’. “Are you not feeling well?”

There was no point denying it, the truth was as clear as day. Remus could, however, deny the severity of the situation. If he was honest, Sirius would drag him back home—on the tube that would be especially packed full at this time as people began leaving work, may he add—and he’d spend the rest of the night absolutely miserable in bed. If he lied, however, he’d soon be sat in the cinema watching one of his favourite movies with three of his most favourite people in the entire world.

So naturally, there was only one correct response here.

“I’m okay.” He swallowed. “Just a bit dizzy.”

Sirius bit the inside of his cheek. “Are you sure? You don’t look very well,” he said worriedly. “Maybe we should skip out on the cinema for tonight?”

“It’s alright. I’m alright,” he reassured.

“Remus,” Sirius started, his voice soft. “I’m not sure it’s a good idea. You’ve definitely got a bit of a fever. I don’t think you’re very well.”

Remus almost felt like crying. Why did he feel like crying? He never cried. It’s just silly. “Sirius,” he said, rather pathetically, looking deeply into his boyfriends eyes. “Please.”

Sirius faltered, eyes desperately searching Remus’ face. Finally, he sighed. “Alright.” He nodded. “We’ll go to the cinema.”

Remus let out a shaky exhale in relief.

“But,” Sirius continued, adopting his best stern tone, the one he’d learned from James’ Mum over the years—mainly due to her lecturing him and James when they tried to do something stupid like slide down the hard wooden stairs on a pillow. “If you start to feel worse, you tell me straight away, okay?”

Remus couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at his lips. “Okay,” he agreed.

“Good.” Sirius returned the smile before rising to his feet and holding out a hand for Remus, who gratefully accepted the assistance. His vision slightly clouded as he stood up, but he quickly blinked it away. Sirius reached for Rupert, who was still perched on the bench, and carefully tucked him under one arm. Barnaby was still tucked in Sirius’ jacket pocket, his head peeking out.

Remus looped his arm around Sirius’ once again, and they set off for the cinema at last.

——

The journey was far from comfortable. Every step carried an unimaginable weight, and left his hip screaming. The heat radiating from his cheeks began to spread to the rest of his body until he was ready to tear his jacket and jumper off and simply wander the streets in his t-shirt, but he ultimately refrained. That wouldn’t help his case to Sirius in the slightest. A heaviness pressed against his ribs, making each breath feel like a small struggle.

Remus could’ve cried with relief when they finally reached the cinema. They found James and Lily sitting on a bench inside, giggling at something that had been muttered between them. As if they had a sixth sense, their heads popped up as Sirius and Remus grew closer, eyes brightening.

“Hello there.” James saluted.

“General Kenobi,” Sirius responded, deepening his voice.

Lily rolled her eyes from beside James, snorting. “You two are such nerds.”

“Eh, I’ll have you know I haven’t even seen all of the Star Wars movies,” Sirius interjected, raising a singular finger as he lectured Lily.

“Oh yeah?” Lily titled her head curiously. “What one’s haven’t you seen?”

“The sequels. James says they’re shit and not to bother.”

Lily smirked. “Oh? And do you always do everything James says?”

“Yeah, pretty much.” He nodded, voice wholly unbothered. “I’m essentially his bitch.”

Remus was struggling to keep his eyes open at this point, his eyelids drooping in exhaustion and head tilting dangerously close to Sirius’ shoulder. James flicked his gaze towards Remus, grin faltering immediately.

“You okay, Moony?” he asked lightly, eyebrows drawing together. James’ question caused everyone to turn their heads towards Remus, and he suddenly felt uncomfortable as their eyes dug into him.

“Mhm,” he replied softly, though his body betrayed him as he swayed slightly.

When it was clear Remus wasn’t going to elaborate further, Sirius continued for him.

“He’s not feeling great,” he explained, pressing a gentle kiss to Remus’ head where it had fallen against Sirius’ shoulder. “Fever.”

“Aw, I’m sorry, love,” Lily said sympathetically as she took in Remus’ sickly appearance. “Do you need to go home?”

“No,” Remus mumbled. “M’fine.”

Remus could tell by the way everyone’s expression appeared to soften simultaneously that they didn’t believe him at all, but nobody pushed.

Remus felt Sirius squeeze his hand. “How about Prongs and I go grab some snacks while you sit with Lily for a bit?”

Remus slowly lifted his head from Sirius’ shoulder. “Yeah, alright.”

“What do you want?” Sirius asked before quickly retracting the question, smiling. “Well, what kind of chocolate do you want?”

Remus slightly shook his head, shooting another wave of dizziness through him. He ignored it. “I’m alright, thanks.”

Sirius frowned. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Not really feeling up to anything if I’m being honest.”

“Okay,” Sirius said hesitantly, eyes desperately scanning Remus’ face as if he were going to crumble at any moment.

“Here.” Remus reached his arms out towards Rupert, taking him from Sirius to free Sirius’ hands up. With that, Sirius and James headed for the snack counter. Remus wasn’t stupid. He knew they were talking about him as they left.

“Come sit.” Lily patted the space beside her on the bench, beckoning Remus to join her.

Remus took a deep breath before obliging, sinking into the seat, the harsh wood providing no relief for his aching body. Remus hunched over, burying his head in his hands. His palms felt damp, and he couldn’t quite figure out if the sweat was coming from his forehead or his hands. Possibly both.

“I feel like shit,” Remus spoke eventually, voice muffled by his hands.

“Oh, Remus,” Lily cooed sympathetically. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Do you have a sedative?” he mumbled miserably. “Or fifty?”

Lily huffed a quiet laugh. “Well, I don’t usually carry them, but maybe I’ll start for you,” she teased.

“That’d be good.” Remus allowed his eyes to slip shut momentarily, though Lily probably didn’t notice that as his face remained covered.

“Who’s the new bear?” Lily asked, clearly attempting to take Remus’ mind off of his screaming body.

“Rupert,” he explained, finally lifting his head to face Lily. His voice felt rough in his throat, scratching its way out of his mouth. “He is the proud father of Barnaby the bear—who’s currently trapped in Sirius’ pocket—and he is also my pride and joy.”

Lily giggled. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more ‘Remus Lupin’ looking bear in my entire life. He’s absolutely perfect.”

“He is, though he also costed Sirius a whopping forty-eight pounds and a whole load of dignity.” He smirked.

Lily gaped. “Forty-eight?” her voice was laced with horror. “Does he have drops of gold in his fur or something?” She reached a hand out to search the bear. Her nails were painted a perfect deep red shade, and a gold ring with a glistening emerald hugged her index finger.

Remus remembered engagement ring shopping with James. James had desperately begged him to come along, arguing that Remus knew Lily better than anyone. In the end, James had picked the dainty ring by himself. Remus knew that would happen. Whilst Remus knew his best friend like the back of his hand, James saw her in an entirely different light. Remus could effortlessly rattle off all of Lily’s favourite hobbies or which season she liked best or what her favourite flower was, but it was James who could tell you why she had stopped wearing dresses towards the end of school or why she was worried she wouldn’t be a good mother or why she could never hate her sister, despite all the pain and torment she put Lily through. It was James who adored Lily with his entire being. Who encouraged her to wear dresses again with a single genuine, heartfelt compliment, who held her close as she sobbed into the crook of his neck and continuously promised that she would be the greatest mum in the entire world while his own eyes filled with tears at the sight, who never judged her for still caring about Petunia after everything.

It was James who was undeniably perfect.

Remus blinked, dragging himself out of the sweet memory. “Nope, he was a carnival prize.”

“Ah,” Lily nodded in understanding immediately. “That makes much more sense. Those games rob you blind.”

Remus went to laugh, but it turned into more of a cursed groan as sharp pain shot through his hip. He dropped Rupert at once, a hand flying to his side, pressing just above where he believed his wound was.

Lily reached an arm towards Remus, though she let it hover between them, clearly not wanting to accidentally hurt him further. “Remus? Are you alright?”

As another wave of pain pulsed through his hip, Remus cried out, tears burning his eyes as bile rose in his throat. He quickly shook his head in response to Lily’s question.

The action made him more lightheaded, unwelcome dots beginning to swim and swirl in his vision. He couldn’t focus. Couldn’t think. His entire world was wholly consumed by the gut wrenching pain in his side. His breathing came in shallow gasps, the air not quite reaching deep enough to ease the tightness in his chest. Remus hunched over, catching his head in his trembling hands once again.

“Remus?” Lily’s voice was dripping with panic. She very gently placed a hand on Remus’ back, rubbing small, comforting circles. Or, they were probably meant to be comforting. Remus could barely feel her touch at all. “Sweetheart, what’s the matter?”

Then, two more voices joined in. They were slightly muffled, sounding like they were coming from a inside tunnel, but Remus could tell it was Sirius and James. He didn’t lift his head from his hands, but he could see someone abandon the popcorn they were carrying on the ground. Sirius, he realised, due to the assortment of rings on his shaking fingers.

He felt Sirius crouch down in front of him. “Moony? What’s wrong, love?” his voice quivered with worry.

Remus opened his mouth. Closed it. Took a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Swallow.

“It hurts,” he whispered. He wasn’t sure he could muster anything more.

“What hurts, Moony?” James this time. At least, he thinks it’s James. He couldn’t quite tell anymore.

Inhale. Exhale.

“Is it your hip?” Sirius asked. Remus couldn’t bring himself to answer.

He felt Sirius shift in front of him, followed by a careful tug at his jumper and the t-shirt underneath as Sirius revealed Remus’ hip to assess the damage. Remus could tell it wasn’t going to be a pretty sight when his top stuck to his side and Sirius had to give a good pull to raise it.

That, and the sharp intake of breath from Sirius. James and Lily followed suit after they’d gotten their own glimpse.

“Fuck.”

Remus finally lifted his head up. He hadn’t had a proper look at his side since he caught it on a nail yesterday evening, but whatever he was expecting to be met with, it certainly wasn’t this. There was a deep mark running the horizontal length of his hip. Red. Purple. Angry. The twinges of yellow intertwined throughout told him all he needed to know.

“Shit, Moony,” Sirius whispered, eyes fixated on the crimson enemy. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Something began dripping down Remus’ flushed cheeks. He couldn’t quite work out if it was tears or sweat. Maybe a mix of both.

“I— I didn’t know,” he croaked out, his voice breaking. It sounded so stupid. How could he not know about the sinister infection eating away at his hip? It wasn’t exactly subtle, what with the many different symptoms that had been slowly consuming him throughout the day. But he just didn’t realise.

Sirius’ gaze snapped to Remus’ face immediately. “Hey, hey, hey,” his voice was so unbelievably soft, and now Remus really wanted to cry. Sirius slipped his fingers underneath Remus’ chin, tilting his head slightly. “It’s okay, Moons. It’s okay. We’re gonna fix it, okay?” he reassured. “We’re going to get you to a doctor, and it’s all going to be just fine.”

Remus honestly wasn’t sure who he was trying to comfort more.

The dizziness plaguing him only amplified, his ears beginning to ring as his vision brutally swam, the world around him blurring together.

“Sirius.” He wasn’t even sure if his voice was audible at this point. “Sirius, somethings wrong.” The words jumbled and stuck together like melted marshmallows in his mouth, coming out in an almost intelligible way.

Sirius gripped Remus’ hands, cupping them around his own. “Alright, it’s alright, we’ll call—“

“No,” he forced out cutting Sirius off. His eyelids began fluttering, and he was too tired to fight it. “I… I don’t… “

Remus’ voice trailed off as darkness crept its way through his vision before consuming him fully, dragging him into oblivion.

The entire time, the same three words blared in his mind.

Something is wrong.