Listen to Me, Butterfly

Sirius wasn’t stupid. Nor was he blind. As determined as Remus was, Sirius knew there was absolutely no denying it. Remus was sick. It wasn’t as obvious this morning. Sure, Remus appeared more sluggish and fatigued than usual, but Sirius simply chalked that up to the fact he had woken Remus up at the crack of dawn to catch the tube.

The ice skating was his first indicator. Now, Sirius knew Remus had never exactly been the biggest fan of skating. During the frigid winter months, Sirius, Peter and Remus would head to the Potters’ and use the natural ice rink that formed every year in their back garden over the lake. Sirius always adored it. The feeling of the frosty wind battering his features as he seemingly effortlessly flew across the ice made him feel free in a way nothing else could.

Remus wasn’t actually that bad at it, either. Sure, he despised it at first, complaining that the stark cold was eating him alive and the skates were rubbing his feet raw and he felt like a newborn elephant desperately trying to keep upright—but he’d actually warmed to it over the years.

But something was wrong today. Today, Remus had winced—an awful sort of sound that struck Sirius’ nerves, each and every one now alight and on high alert.

Remus had continuously assured Sirius that it was nothing, just a small bump to his hip from yesterday that was causing some issues, but Sirius wasn’t stupid. Nor was he blind. Something was wrong.

Remus perked up slightly during hook-a-duck, but Sirius’ relief was extremely short lived as Remus groaned in pain yet again not long after.

It only went down hill from there.

Remus began shaking—much less subtly than earlier. His body wracked with shivers that seemed to come from deep within, adding to the panic that was crawling its way through Sirius’ body, plaguing every nerve.

But of course, Remus brushed it off, blaming the stark chill haunting the air.

Sirius was not convinced.

Their little game at the designer shoe shop seemed to go relatively smoothly, but Sirius didn’t miss the way Remus’ voice occasionally quivered, or the way Remus intermittently snapped his eyes shut, presumably to ride out a fresh wave of pain.

A deep pit began to form in Sirius’ stomach after they left the shop and he realised just how much Remus was relying on him to keep him upright.

Something inside of Sirius was screaming at him to take Remus home. To shove him on the comfy couch and drown him in cozy blankets and make him so many cups of tea with undoubtedly unhealthy amounts of sugar in and never once leave his side.

But he didn’t.

One look into those sombre eyes and Sirius physically could not bring himself to say no to going to the cinema.

So they went. Sirius knew his worries were warranted when he saw the looks on James and Lily’s faces upon seeing the state of Remus. James snuck a look at Sirius, and Sirius immediately knew he had to speak to James alone. It was something they had adapted over the years: speaking with their eyes. They could read each other with ease—see the unspoken words hanging between them as though they were meticulously written in the air.

Sirius reached for Remus’ hand, giving it a gentle squeeze to get his attention. “How about Prongs and I go grab some snacks while you sit with Lily for a bit?”

Remus slowly lifted his head from where it rested on Sirius’ shoulder as though his brain were made of pure concrete, weighing him down tremendously. “Yeah, alright.” He blinked sluggishly, and Sirius suddenly felt a pang of guilt for depriving Remus of his personal pillow while he got the snacks.

“What do you want?” Sirius began to ask Remus, then quickly retracted the question, rephrasing it. “Well, what kind of chocolate do you want?” He smiled. Remus and his love for chocolate needed to be studied.

Remus slightly shook his head before slowly blinking as if the action had made him lightheaded. “I’m alright, thanks.”

Sirius frowned. “Are you sure?”

Remus paused, forehead wrinkling as if he were carefully considering his answer. “Yeah, I’m sure. Not really feeling up to anything if I’m being honest.”

“Okay.” Sirius nodded hesitantly.

“Here.” Remus reached his arms out towards Rupert, gesturing for Sirius to pass him over. Sirius parted with the bear before smiling at Remus and making his way over to the snack counter with James.

They fell in line, Sirius shoving his hands in his pockets. He’d forgotten Barnaby was in there, soft fur immediately colliding with the tips of his fingers.

“Is he alright?” James spoke in a hushed tone, even though they were probably far enough away that Remus couldn’t hear them. Precautions, and all that. Remus would hate to know his friends were fussing over him.

Sirius sighed. “I don’t think so.” He began absently fidgeting with one of Barnaby’s arms, gently running his fingers along the fur to ground himself. “He’s been a bit out of it all day, and it’s only gotten worse.”

James’ eyebrows pinched together. “Yeah, I can tell. He doesn’t look well.”

Sirius withdrew his hands from his jacket pockets and reached into his back pocket instead to grab his wallet as they approached the counter. “I know,” he said, exhaling heavily. “If I’m being completely honest, I’m getting worried. He’s just so… private about this stuff, you know? I never know how he’s genuinely feeling. He always downplays it.”

James reached up and squeezed Sirius’ shoulder. “I know. He’s a stubborn bastard, is our Moony,” he chuckled nervously, little humour behind it. “We’ll keep an eye on him. Don’t worry.”

Sirius forced a small smile. It didn’t reach his eyes.

The queues at the snack counter were miraculously short, and they managed to get served fairly quickly. They got two tubs of popcorn, one buttered and one salted. Then they grabbed four cups to make their own slushies, plus a water for Remus in case he wasn’t feeling up to a sugary drink. Sirius also tossed a few bags of sweets onto the counter—because the sugar from the slushies wasn’t already enough.

He picked up a small chocolate bar for Remus too, just in case.

Sirius could’ve taken out a mortgage with the amount it costed him.

Once he had paid, Sirius shoved the bags of sweets into his pockets and grabbed both tubs of popcorn while James carried the empty cups.

They ambled toward the slushy machine to their left. It’d been upgraded since Sirius had last seen it, with a plethora of different flavours. You had your classics: strawberry, blue raspberry, lime—to name a few. And then you had some rather obscure flavours, such as pickle juice, which Sirius reckoned was an absolute violation of human rights and he would be getting in contact with his lawyer immediately.

James’ face lit up like a kid in a candy store when he discovered the myriad of flavours, and proceeded to put a bit of all of them into one cup, sending the mixture an incredibly unappealing brown colour.

Sirius shot him an amused look. “You’re gonna regret that.”

“Nah.” James shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “It’ll be fine.”

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Fine, but don’t come crying to me when you realise you’ve created an absolute monstrosity of a drink. You’re not getting any of mine.”

James fluttered his eyelashes, pouting. “Not even if I use my own straw?”

“Not even if you use your own straw,” Sirius said in a mockingly serious tone, pointing a finger at James. “You have to learn that there are consequences to your actions, Prongs.”

James rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “Fine, Mum. I didn’t want your shitty slushy anyway.”

Sirius hummed. “Good. Cause you’re not getting any. You can share with Lily.”

Realistically, James would have Sirius’ slushy in hand in approximately twenty minutes, same straw and all.

James filled the rest of the cups with ordinary flavour combinations—such as cherry and blue raspberry for Remus and orange and lime for Lily—before picking up a cardboard drinks holder and slotting each cup inside.

Sirius waited for James to carefully pick up the tray before turning to head back to Lily and Remus.

He could’ve sworn his heart faltered then.

In fact, it might’ve stopped altogether.

Remus and Lily’s bench was just in view, and something was wrong.

Something was very wrong.

“James,” Sirius’ voice was barely audible.

“I know,” James exhaled shakily, abandoning the drinks on a nearby table.

Sirius was moving before he’d had the chance to fully process the sight before him.

Remus was hunched over with his head in his hands, and he was shaking. Shaking much worse than before. His breathing came in quick, uneven gasps—and Sirius briefly wondered if it hurt with the amount of effort Remus appeared to be putting into each breath.

Sirius crouched in front of Remus, discarding the popcorn and taking Remus’ hands in his own.

“Moony?” he whispered, gently rubbing a thumb over Remus’ knuckles. “What’s wrong, love?” He couldn’t help the way his voice shook with each callous word.

Sirius watched as Remus opened his mouth. Closed it. Took a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.

“It hurts,” he forced out, his voice sounding scratchy and barely above a whisper.

And, oh, Sirius’ heart shattered.

James took a careful step forward, his face the picture of concern. “What hurts, Moony?”

Sirius watched as Remus struggled through another deep breath. It quickly became clear that Remus had no intention of answering James himself. “Is it your hip?” Sirius supplied instead.

Remus remained silent as though talking came at a great effort, so Sirius took matters into his own hands. He shifted to a kneel to stabilise himself before reaching out and gently lifting Remus’ jumper to take a look at his hip. The t-shirt under Remus’ jumper posed a challenge, and Sirius had to give it a good tug to raise it.

Not good, not good, not—

And then he saw it.

The wound on his hip was an open, festering mess—angry and swollen, with the skin around it flushed a deep, mottled red. The edges were jagged and inflamed, oozing a thick, yellowish pus mixed with streaks of dark blood. It felt unnaturally hot to the touch, like fever had taken root inside him. Red streaks snaked from the wound, spreading along his hip—appearing to travel down towards his thigh like veins of poison.

“Fuck.” Sirius didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to do. This was bad. It was very bad, right? He was no doctor, but he didn’t need to be to know that there was something seriously wrong.

He watched as Remus finally lifted his head, eyes widening when he too saw the state of his hip.

“Shit, Moony,” Sirius whispered. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the wound. He didn’t even know an infection so grave and sinister was possible. He’d seen stuff like it in movies, but never in real life.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Sirius wasn’t angry. He was fucking terrified.

“I- I didn’t know,” Remus croaked out, sniffling. Sirius snapped his gaze to Remus’ face immediately when he realised Remus was crying—which only tore his heart apart further.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he kept his voice as soft and calming as he could. Sirius slipped his fingers under Remus’ chin, tilting his head gently so that he was looking Sirius in the eyes. “It’s okay, Moons. It’s okay. We’re gonna fix it, okay?” he reassured him. “We’re going to get you to a doctor, and it’s all going to be just fine.”

It was, wasn’t it? Yeah. Of course it was. The doctors would fix it. It’d be fine. Completely fine. Undeniably fine.

Sirius, caught in his own thoughts, looked back up at Remus upon hearing his name. “Sirius,” Remus’ voice was barely audible. “Sirius, something’s wrong.”

Sirius began to panic further, gripping Remus’ hands tighter and cupping them in his own as if Remus would simply float away if he didn’t grab on. “Alright, it’s alright, we’ll call—“

“No,” Remus’ voice was just as shaky as the rest of his body as he cut Sirius off. His eyelids began to flutter. “I… I don’t… “

Sirius’ eyes widened as Remus’ eyes rolled back into his head, and he suddenly began to tilt very sharply to one side. Lily gasped before quickly grabbing one of Remus’ arms from where she sat beside him while Sirius jumped up, one hand catching Remus’ head and the other at his shoulder. He let Remus’ head fall into his chest, cradling it.

“Oh, fuck,” James exclaimed, immediately rushing over.

“Oh god,” Sirius muttered. “Oh god—okay. It’s okay, Moons. It’s okay. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” Sirius’ words sort of jumbled together, each word less coherent than the last.

Sirius looked to James, vision blurring as unwelcome tears crept their way in. “James—what do we do? I—what do we do?” Sirius knew it was cruel to put so much pressure on James, but he didn’t know how else to handle the situation. He couldn’t think straight. Not now. Not as he held Remus’ limp body in his arms, desperately trying to keep him from falling off the bench.

James jumped to Sirius’ side, helping him hold Remus. “We need to lay him on the ground,” he instructed, his voice steady, though his wide eyes gave him away. “The bench doesn’t provide enough support, he’ll hurt himself.”

“Okay,” Sirius forced out, shakily nodding. Lily got up from the bench to allow Sirius and James to carefully pick Remus up and lower him to the ground. His skin was unbearably warm and Sirius fought the urge to hiss out of pure sympathy.

Passers-by began crowding around, muttering things like:

“Oh goodness, is he alright?”

“Excuse me, do you need me to call an ambulance?”

“Mummy, what’s wrong with that man?”

James gratefully declined any offered assistance, politely urging everyone to keep moving and stop staring at them before turning back to Sirius and Lily—who had joined them on the ground. Sirius gently placed Remus’ head in his lap, running a careful hand through his sandy curls.

“We need to get him to the hospital,” James’ tone was stern, but Sirius didn’t miss the way he bit his cheek, or the way his eyebrows slightly pinched together, or the way he still looked really fucking worried despite taking charge.

“Should I call an ambulance?” Lily asked. Her voice was much less composed.

“No.” James shook his head, eyes fixated on Remus. “I’ll drive. The hospitals only round the corner. It’s quicker this way.” James turned to Sirius. “Do you think you could lift him to the car if I bring it round front?”

Sirius nodded. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

“Okay. Lils, you stay here too. I’ll call you when the cars ready.”

The hand Sirius had in Remus’ hair began to tremble as James rose to his feet and rushed towards the exit of the cinema.

Lily placed a comforting hand on Sirius’ back, rubbing slow, rhythmic circles in the middle. “It’ll be okay,” she whispered. “He’ll be okay.”

They didn’t say anything else after that.

James called Lily four minutes later.

Sirius carefully tucked one arm under Remus’ legs, the other at his back for support. Lily grabbed Rupert, who was tragically laying sideways on the floor.

James had parked as close to the main doors as he could, jumping out of the car and opening the back door so Sirius could climb in with Remus still in his arms. Lily sat up front with James while Sirius laid Remus down, placing Remus’ head in his lap, hand returning to his tangled hair.

He didn’t bother with his seatbelt. James promised to drive carefully. Sirius didn’t care.

The journey only lasted five short minutes, but they were quite possibly the worst five minutes of Sirius’ entire life. As Remus laid across his lap, he could feel the immense heat radiating from him, melting through Sirius’ jeans and burning through to his skin. He didn’t need a thermometer to know his fever had reached catastrophic heights.

His breathing was shallow, chest barely rising at all. That’s where Sirius focused his gaze—just to make sure Remus’ chest rose again after every gruelling exhale. It was hard to tell sometimes. Sirius found himself holding his own breath to give Remus his full attention.

There was a thick layer of sweat coating his forehead. His cheeks. The back of his neck. The front, too. His hair.

Fuck.

James pulled up in front of the hospital, urging Sirius and Lily to get Remus inside while he looked for a parking space. Sirius pulled Remus into his arms once again, moving as fast as he physically could towards the main doors of the A&E department.

The receptionist, a younger woman sporting a slick back ponytail and a navy uniform, immediately snapped her head up as Sirius and Lily rushed inside.

She asked them what happened. Sirius couldn’t speak. Didn’t know what to say. Lily spoke up for him.

And then Remus was snatched out of his arms. Placed on a stretcher. Whisked away.

And all Sirius could do was watch.

He felt a hand on his back, gently guiding him to the waiting area to sit down. Then James reappeared. Sat down with them.

Silence.

The fluorescent lights began to hum overhead, casting a sterile, almost unforgiving glow on the stark walls.

Why would they make them so white? So bare? The walls taunted him. He hated them for it.

The chairs were uncomfortable. He didn’t mind. He didn’t deserve comfort right now anyway.

There were a few other unfortunate people around. They looked much like Sirius imagined he did right now. Some had their heads in their hands. Others absently stared at the wall, entirely lost in thought. There was a clock ticking somewhere in the distance. It taunted him too.

It was half-an-hour before a doctor informed them of Remus’ condition. Or maybe it was only fifteen minutes. Sirius wasn’t sure. Time blurred together. Became nothing at all.

And then Sirius felt like he was nothing at all. He didn’t feel real. Nothing felt real.

Because the doctor had finally told them what was going on, and Sirius was going to be sick.

Sepsis.

Remus had fucking sepsis.

Sirius had woken him up far too early, and he forced Remus to go ice skating which probably further aggravated his hip, and made him trudge around the extremely overcrowded, bustling streets of London for hours, and—

“It hasn’t progressed into septic shock, which is good news,” the doctor explained, voice calm.

How could she be so calm?

“Is he going to be alright?” James asked, voice wavering slightly. Sirius was glad James spoke up. He wasn’t sure he could form the words. He didn’t even know what he would say if he could.

“It’s too early to say.” The doctor stared at James sympathetically, darting her gaze between Lily and Sirius, too. “But I assure you, we’re doing everything we can. We’ll need to continue intensive treatment, but we’ll keep you updated as regularly as possible. The good news is that with rapid intervention, many people do recover from sepsis.”

And it just sounded so wrong, didn’t it? Good news? What part of this was good?

Sirius could see Lily tightly squeezing Rupert out of the corner of his eye.

Wait, since when did she have him?

It doesn’t matter.

Sirius dipped a hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out the small, honey brown teddy bear, gently circling his finger around one of Barnaby’s ears. He kept his focus on the bear. He didn’t dare avert his gaze anywhere else.

The doctor left.

Every rustle of paper or murmur of conversation seemed to magnify in the oppressive quiet. A nurse walked briskly by, his shoes squeaking against the polished floor, the sound disappearing into the air as quickly as it came.

After three hours and forty-seven minutes—not that Sirius was counting—Lily’s phone buzzed. Sirius saw her jump out the corner of his eye. The sound must have pulled her from a deep thought.

She wasn’t the only one.

Lily messed with the clasp of her burgundy handbag and rummaged about, pulling her phone out.

“Shit.”

“What’s wrong?” James asked from beside Lily, eyes wide.

“Harry!” She jumped to her feet, rushing to pull her jacket back on, which she had taken off earlier to lay across her lap. “God, Mary has been watching him for hours now, how the hell did I forget—“

“Hey,” James cut in, voice soft. “It’s alright. Mary will understand.” He reassured her. “Do you want me to head back or do you want to go?”

Sirius snapped his head round at that. “You can both go, you don’t have to—“

“No. Someone’s staying with you. With Moony,” James’ voice was stern, but there wasn’t an ounce of malice behind it.

“I’ll go. You stay put.” Lily gave a soft smile before lightly pecking James on the lips. “You’ll call me if anything changes with him?”

“Of course I will.”

And then there were two.

James moved up to sit next to Sirius, squeezing his shoulder in silent solidarity.

The doctor didn’t reappear until 23:44–over six hours since they first arrived at the hospital.

Sirius and James both rose from their seats simultaneously when she approached them, though Sirius quickly regretted that. His legs felt impossibly unsteady and he wasn’t sure he quite trusted them to keep him upright.

“Is he okay?” Sirius blurted out before the doctor—Dr Pomfrey, as she had now introduced herself—had the chance to speak.

“He’s stable for now,” she replied, calmly.

And those two foreboding words bashed around his mind, slamming against the sides of his brain. For now?What did for now mean? As in—he was okay right now but that could change at the flip of a switch? And that was supposed to provide him with some relief?

“We’ve confirmed that the sepsis is under control and he is responding to the treatment as we would have hoped.” Dr Pomfrey continued on.

“Do you know what caused it?” James asked.

Pomfrey nodded. “The source of the infection appears to be a deep puncture wound to his left hip. Based on the level of contamination, it looks like it came from a rusty object—likely a nail, judging by the size of the wound. We’ll need to follow up to confirm, however, once he is awake.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. That didn’t make sense. None of that made sense. Remus had said he bashed his hip, right? Sirius assumed that meant his hip was bruised, not cut.

Goddammit, Remus. You and your bloody secrets.

“I know it seems impossible, but I highly suggest you two go home and get some rest,” Dr Pomfrey urged kindly.

Sirius’ blood ran cold. “No—no, I can’t leave him—I can’t—“

“Sirius—“

“James,” his voice was more desperate now. A dead weight settled in his chest at the thought of abandoning Remus—leaving him entirely alone in a confined room decorated with daunting machinery that eternally sung, haunting him. “I’m not leaving him. Please don’t make me leave him.”

James visibly hesitated, opening his mouth and closing it again.

“Okay.” James nodded. “Okay, Pads. We’ll stay right here. Both of us.”

“James, you don’t need—“

“Both of us.”

And that was that.

——

Sirius was finally permitted to see Remus a little after four in the morning. Only one person was allowed to go, leaving James in the waiting area, who simply squeezed Sirius’ hand in response and said: “Go and make sure our boy is okay, Sirius.”

Sirius didn’t know what he’d done to deserve someone like James Fleamont Potter. Amidst all the chaos and anarchy, James was the golden thread of hope that held everything together—reminding everyone that even in the absence of joy, the sun can still shine steady and true.

He didn’t know what to expect upon entering the room. Sure, Sirius had been in his fair share of hospitals over the years, but ninety percent of the time, he was the patient. He was rarely on the other end of things. Never saw it from this point of view.

Which is probably why his heart stopped dead in his chest and his breathing hitched and he felt a little lightheaded and sort of like he was going to throw up right then and there after cracking the door of Remus’ hospital room and seeing him lying awfully still on the bed, looking impossibly small beneath the sheets.

He was surrounded by a myriad of machines, all working simultaneously to monitor various different things like heart rate and oxygen levels, and Sirius had to tear his eyes away from the machines because he was pretty sure that Remus’ heart was beating far too fast and his oxygen levels were far from normal and that just freaked him out even more.

Remus had several IV lines and tubes inserted into him, and Sirius surmised there were likely more concealed beneath the covers. That was far from a comforting thought.

Sirius struggled to move from the doorway. He stood rooted to the spot, utterly paralysed by the almost cursed sight in front of him. This had to be some sort of horrendous dream. Maybe if he squeezed his eyes shut tight enough, he’d wake up in his bed next to a perfectly healthy Remus and everything would be undoubtedly fine.

Alas, all that achieved was forming colourful shapes in Sirius’ vision as he forced his eyes back open in defeat.

Sirius forced himself from the doorframe with a shaky breath, creeping further into the room. He was about to sit in the dark grey chair that was left at the side of the hospital bed when his attention was snatched by a slight shift in the bed, followed by the faintest rustle of sheets.

Sirius’ breath caught as Remus’ eyelids began to flutter.

“Remus?” Sirius kept his voice soft, though he couldn’t help the way it wavered slightly.

Remus slowly blinked, eyes darting and eyebrows furrowing as he desperately tried to make sense of his surroundings.

“You’re in the hospital, Moony,” Sirius supplied, reaching up to gently push the flat, sweat slicked curls from Remus’ forehead.

Remus only hummed in response, barely acknowledging Sirius at all. That alone formed a tight knot in Sirius’ stomach.

“You fainted at the cinema,” Sirius explained calmly, never tearing his eyes away from Remus’. He didn’t know how much information he was meant to give. Was he supposed to explain the extent of his condition now, or was he meant to wait for a doctor or nurse to do that? He ultimately settled for the latter, mainly because he didn’t trust himself to provide Remus with the full details without breaking down, and that wasn’t fair on Remus right now. “Gave us a right bloody scare,” he added with a soft laugh, though there was little humour behind it.

“‘M sorry,” And that response was just so typically Remus that Sirius almost felt like laughing or crying or maybe a strange combination of the two.

Sirius placed a hand in Remus’, an unsurprising warmth radiating from Remus’ skin as though he were a furnace burning from within. “You have absolutely nothing to apologise for, okay?”

“Mhm.” Remus nodded, eyes slipping closed. Sirius could tell he was exhausted with the way his breathing evened out almost instantly.

Sirius bent down to place a gentle kiss on Remus’ forehead, briefly lingering there. He needed to feel Remus’ soft skin on his lips to remind himself that Remus was alive.

Remus is alive. He is here. He will be okay.

He will be okay.

Sirius remained by Remus’ side until a nurse informed him that he could no longer be in the room and that Remus needed rest. He wanted to argue. Wanted to shout and scream and flat out refuse, but then he looked the young nurse in the eyes and realised she was just doing her job. She wasn’t kicking Sirius out to purposely keep him from Remus, she was just doing her job.

So with a final kiss on Remus’ forehead, Sirius forced himself to let go of Remus’ hand and make his way back out to the waiting room.

——

When he returned to the waiting room, he was met with a nurse who had been tending to Remus, and he urged Sirius and James to go home and rest for a while.

“You won’t be able to visit him again until official visiting hours, I’m afraid,” he explained. “I know it’s difficult, but I truly believe the best thing for you at the moment is to try and get some sleep, and then you can come back in a few hours.”

Sirius hesitated. Every bone in his body was screaming at him to stay here. Stay with Remus. If he couldn’t be in the same room as him, he could at least be in the same bloody building.

But a small part of him knew that the nurse was right. He couldn’t help Remus. Not right now. And if he sat here all night, he wouldn’t get a wink of sleep. He would be exhausted and grumpy and short tempered by the time Remus awoke again, and that wasn’t useful to anyone.

“Shit.” Sirius snapped his head up in sudden realisation. “Fuck, everyone was supposed to come to our place later, weren’t they?” Sirius began to dig into each of his pockets, desperately searching for his phone. “I need to message the group chat and tell them what happened— or maybe I should call them, or—“

“Sirius, hey,” James cut him off, his tone gentle. Sirius didn’t understand how James could do that. Could take control of such a horrendous situation so effortlessly. It was utterly unnatural, and Sirius loved him for it. “I’ll message everyone, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

Sirius watched as James picked up his own phone and began typing away, presumably on the big group chat. Sirius couldn’t help but notice the way James’ hands faintly shook, and that’s when he realised that James was scared too. Sirius was putting a lot on James right now, because from the outside, it appeared like James was handling everything in an almost irrefragable way. But now Sirius could see through that facade.

James was scared too.

Somehow that made things worse. Made everything more real. Because if James—who always remained impossibly optimistic and stoic in every situation—was also wary, then there really was something to worry about.

Sirius and James both rose to their feet as James finished the text off, heading towards the car out front.

The drive home was solemn. James had turned on the radio as white noise, but it only upset Sirius further as one of Remus’ favourite songs began playing.

James told Sirius he was taking him back to his and Lily’s place, no room for debate. “I’m not leaving you alone. Not right now.”

Sirius didn’t have it in him to argue. He didn’t have it in him to say anything at all, actually.

Sirius sighed and pulled his phone out to silence it after it had continuously buzzed during the entire journey, but then he felt a pang of guilt as he saw the numerous messages from his friends—who just wanted to know what was going on.

Sirius unlocked his phone and tapped on the messaging app. He scrolled up to James’ first message, and began scanning the thread.

Sirius suddenly wished he hadn’t changed everyones contact names the other week after one—or maybe three—too many during a night out at the pub.

boob enjoyer (jamie): Hey everyone, we’re going to need a rain check on games night tonight. Remus is in hospital. Sepsis. He’s stable for now. Woke up earlier and spoke very briefly, which is apparently a good sign. We’ll let you now straight away if anything changes ❤️

bigger boob enjoyer (marls):  WHAT?! What the fuck?! What happened?

full boob enjoyer (pete): Jesus, is he gonna be alright? Is it bad?

partial boob enjoyer (mary):  Sending so much love 💗 Please let us know if there is anything we can do x

partial boob enjoyer (mary):  And let us now when he’s up for visitors, yeah? We’ll be there in a heart beat.

Sirius had forgotten that Mary must already know about Remus’ condition. Lily would’ve had to have told her earlier when she relieved Mary of her babysitting duties earlier. He then realised he had two missed calls and five unread messages from Mary, and he felt even worse. He hadn’t even heard his phone ring.

Sirius knew he should message back. Answer any questions they had. Reassure them everything was going to be alright.

That Remus was going to be alright.

But he couldn’t. No matter how hard he tried, he physically could not force his fingers to start typing.

So he turned off his phone. Shoved it back into his jacket pocket. Stared out the window. Closed his eyes.

James pulled onto the drive not long after. Put the car in park. Cut the engine. Opened the car door.

Sirius didn’t move.

Couldn’t move.

In fact, he couldn’t breathe, either.

Sirius leaned forward, pressing one hand up against the dashboard and the other in the middle of his chest, desperately willing air into his lungs.

His breaths came in small, uneven gasps—which only made him panic further.

“Sirius? Sirius, hey—“ James’ voice sounded like it was coming from underwater, and Sirius was struggling to make the words out.

He gasped again, the panic rising, sharp and hot, like a flame licking at the back of his throat.

I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t—

“Sirius, I need you to look at me, okay?” He thinks there’s a hand on his back. It’s hard to tell. “Can you do that for me?”

Sirius obliged, his neck stiff and his head heavy as he turned to look at James through panicked eyes.

“Now, I need you to breathe with me, alright?”

Sirius managed a shaky nod.

“Okay, give me your hand.” James took Sirius’ hand and placed it on his chest, holding it there firmly. “Now, inhale with me. Only inhale.”

Sirius did what he was told. He squeezed his eyes shut, his body trembling and fingers tingling, but he inhaled just as James had told him to. He could feel James’ chest rising under his hand at the same time, James exaggerating his breathing in order to slow Sirius’.

“That’s good. Now, exhale.”

So he did. It was shaky and ragged and wholly ineffective, but he did it.

“You’re doing great, Sirius. Let’s do it again, okay?”

They sat like that for a good few minutes. James instructing Sirius to take deep breaths. Sirius obliging.

Eventually, everything started to slow back down. The world stopped spinning. The tightness in his chest lifted. The pins and needles invading his hands retreated.

Unfortunately, the tears were not so polite.

He sat motionless, his hands folded tightly in his lap, a single tear sliding down his cheek. Followed by another. And another.

And then he was full on sobbing.

“Oh, Sirius,” James’ voice was so soft, so gentle, and it only made him cry harder as James pulled him into a tight hug. It wasn’t particularly comfortable, the cars gear stick jamming into Sirius’ side as he reached over and desperately clung onto James, but he didn’t dare let go.

Sirius buried his face in the crook of James’ neck, gripping James’ jacket so tightly that he was positive his knuckles were white. James rubbed small, methodic circles around Sirius’ back.

“It’s okay, Padfoot,” he whispered. “I’m here, alright? I’m not going anywhere. Not now, not ever. You’re stuck with me.”

Sirius’ body wracked with harsh sobs, tears soaking James’ jacket. If it bothered James, he didn’t show it.

“I fucked up, James.” Sirius’ voice came out broken and shaky, muffled as he spoke into James’ shoulder.

James held him tighter. “No, you didn’t,” he reassured. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Pads.”

“I did,” Sirius’ voice cracked slightly. He wasn’t even sure it was coherent. “I knew something was wrong. I’ve known since this morning, and I didn’t do anything. Even after he almost fucking collapsed just before we got to the cinema, I let him convince me that he was fine to still go out.”

“Sirius, listen to me.” James pulled back, forcing Sirius to look him in the eyes. “This was not your fault. I promise you. You couldn’t have known.”

“I should have.” Sirius averted his gaze to his lap, mindlessly fidgeting with one of his rings, twirling it back and forth. “I should’ve dragged him home the moment I saw his flushed cheeks earlier.”

“And that likely still wouldn’t have changed the outcome, Sirius,” James’ voice was so gentle. So sure. “You wouldn’t have necessarily caught it any earlier if he were at home. This is not your fault. It’s not Remus’ fault. Nobody’s to blame here in the slightest.

“What happened is shitty. It’s really, really shitty. But I honestly don’t think it was preventable. Not even Remus realised what was happening, so there was no way you could’ve known. I know you regret not taking him home, but look at it this way: he had a really good day out with you today. If he were at home, he would’ve probably spent all day in bed or miserably curled up on the couch. You didn’t do anything wrong, Sirius. Nothing at all.”

Sirius consider this for a moment. As usual, James was right. Even though Sirius still felt awful, still heavily blamed himself, James was right. There wasn’t anything Sirius could’ve done differently.

He could’ve taken Remus to the hospital, but that was never really a thought that had crossed his mind at any point. Not before the cinema, anyway. Remus was good at masking his discomfort. Too good. Sirius didn’t know how bad it really was until it all came catastrophically crashing down.

Slowly, the sobs began to subside, each one softer and less forceful than the last. His chest rose and fell more evenly now, and the tears that had streamed down his face slowed to a faint trickle—clinging to his lashes before falling silently. Sirius gently rubbed at his eyes.

“Do you think he’s gonna be okay?” Sirius’ voice was small. He didn’t dare look James in the eyes. Couldn’t risk breaking again. “I mean, I know he was awake earlier, but… ” He trailed off. Couldn’t bring himself to finish the thought, but the implication hovered heavily between them.

James let out a deep sigh. “I really, really hope so, Pads. I really do.”

Sirius gave a careful nod, eyes trained forward towards the house. “Yeah. Me too.”

——

Sirius didn’t sleep that night. He was in Lily and James’ guest room—though over the years it had sort of just become Sirius’ spare room—and he found himself absently staring up at the ceiling, unable to quietten his racing mind.

He created different scenarios in his head. What he could’ve done differently. How he could’ve better handled the situation.

But he found that every time he created a new story in his head, the outcome was often the same. It rarely ever resulted in Sirius taking Remus to the hospital earlier.

He couldn’t have taken him after the first wince while they were ice skating, because that would’ve made no sense. There was no danger at that point. Or at least, none that they were aware of. He wouldn’t have taken him after his dizzy spell while they were playing the carnival games, because that didn’t warrant a visit to the hospital. Was it concerning? Sure. But it wasn’t hospital worthy. Not yet.

And then there was that moment after they’d messed around in the designer store. If anything, that was Sirius’ first real indication that something was wrong. Remus was visibly unwell at this point. His cheeks were flushed so deeply that they were borderline purple, but he was somehow simultaneously awfully pale. He heavily leaned on Sirius as if he didn’t trust himself to stay upright, and each step looked as if it required tremendous amounts effort. His breathing also started picking up and he began almost exclusively breathing out of his mouth as if he wasn’t getting enough air through his nose.

Out of all the different scenarios, this was the only one where Sirius took Remus to the hospital earlier. But—when he really thought about it—would he have realistically taken him at that point? Well, he definitely would have if he had known what he knows now, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Well, whether it was warranted or not, Remus would’ve refused. He hated attention. Hated pity. Sirius can think of far too many occasions where Remus has concealed an injury or downplayed an illness just because he was embarrassed of the attention he would receive if other people were aware of his discomfort.

Now that he thought about it, something very similar to this scenario has happened in the past—minus the life threatening illness, of course.

Back when they were at school, during their fifth year, Remus had gotten sick. Sirius, James and Peter didn’t notice straight away. Remus was good at hiding things. Masking symptoms. Forging excuses.

But after a few days it had gotten to the point where Remus couldn’t pretend anymore. He could—however—tone down how serious it was. He continuously waved everyone off when they expressed their concerns, insisting he was fine. That it wasn’t that bad.

But then he collapsed at the end of class one day, and the facade shattered as quickly as Sirius’ heart did when he witnessed Remus go down.

Sirius had been terrified that day. He’d never seen Remus like that. Never seen anyone like that, actually. Passed out. He’d never seen it happen to anyone in real life, so it was especially petrifying to witness one of his best friends fainting after insisting for so long that he was alright.

And now Sirius felt even guiltier. Because this had happened before. It may not have been as serious that time, but it was the same idea. It started the same—with Sirius noticing that Remus didn’t look well and Remus brushing him off. He should’ve known to ignore Remus when he claimed he was fine. Instead, he was stupid and naive enough to believe him, and now Remus was laying entirely alone in a hospital bed, and Sirius didn’t know what was going to happen. He genuinely didn’t.

And he was fucking terrified.

Sirius barely slept all night, and the little rest he got was plagued with nightmares of undesirable outcomes and what could have been.

——

The next morning, Sirius awoke to the heavenly smell of pancakes flowing through the house, and he wasn’t at all surprised to find Lily pottering around the kitchen once he had crept downstairs.

James actually handled most of the cooking in their house, having learned numerous recipes from his mother over the years and actually becoming quite skilled at it, but Lily cooked or baked to calm herself—which she no doubt needed right now.

Lily had her hair thrown in a messy bun, and it was speckled with dots of flour as she frantically moved between the hob where the pancakes were frying, and the cupboards as she tucked ingredients away, and the sink as she tossed used dishes in.

“Need any help, Lils?” Sirius asked as he rubbed exhaustion from his eyes.

Lily startled at the sound of Sirius’ voice, whipping her head round to face him. “Oh! Sorry, Sirius, I didn’t hear you come in,” she laughed. “I’m okay, thank you.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

“I—“ Lily paused. “Yeah—okay. Could you help put these ingredients away please? I don’t really care where you put them, just as long as they’re not on the counters anymore.”

“Of course I can.” Sirius smiled before moving to clear the counters.

“James said you saw Remus last night?” Lily asked as she flipped a pancake. “How was he?”

Sirius hesitated, all previous energy faltering. “It was… hard to tell, if I’m being honest.” Lily gave him a quizzical look, and he sighed before continuing. “I didn’t see him for long. He fell back asleep almost instantly.”

Lily furrowed her eyebrows. “Well, that’s expected, right?”

“I think so.” Though as the words left his mouth Sirius’ face twisted into a tentative expression. “I mean, it would make sense. His body is going through a lot at the minute, so it’s understandable that he wasn’t exactly with it.”

Lily nodded. “James and I are going to come back to the hospital with you. Effie and Monty are going to watch Harry for a while.”

“Okay,” Sirius replied. “Just… I’m not sure how conscious he’ll be today—or if he’ll be well enough for visitors at all. So it might be a lot of waiting around… “ He trailed off, absently fidgeting with his rings—which he had clearly forgotten to remove before bed last night.

“Sirius.” Lily turned off the hob and stalked over to him, placing a hand in his and squeezing gently. “I don’t care if I have to live at the hospital for the next few days. I’ll be there everyday until he’s home.”

Sirius gave a small smile in response. Lily was an angel. She rarely complained—simply held her chin high and rolled her shoulders back and braved each day like a soldier preparing for battle. Sirius admired her so deeply.

“Okay, do you want pancakes?” Lily let go of his hand, expression suddenly turning grave. “Please say yes, because I’ve made enough to feed a small army.”

Sirius chuckled. “Of course I do.”

As they were finishing up, James sauntered into the kitchen, Harry balancing on his hip. Harry was wearing a deep blue raincoat over his cream jumper, with little shark wellies on his feet.

“Uncle Padfoot!” Harry beamed, reaching his arms out towards Sirius and making grabbing motions with his hands.

God, Sirius adored that boy with his entire being.

Sirius rose from his chair, taking Harry from James and squeezing him tight, eliciting giggles from his godson.

“Good morning, cheeky,” Sirius laughed.

“Sleep okay, Pads?” James asked as he packed Harry’s dinosaur book bag, tossing in snacks and toys that were entirely unnecessary because Euphemia and Fleamont would be stocked to the brim with supplies for Harry, but James could never refrain.

“Oh, you know… “ Sirius trailed off, shrugging. He didn’t need to say anything more, because James did know. In fact, it didn’t look like James had slept much either, dark circles stubbornly clinging to his warm brown skin.

James gave him a sympathetic smile. “Well, I’m gonna drop that little monster off at my parents and then we’ll head back up to the hospital.” James gestured to Harry with his head, who was now tangling his fingers in Sirius’ unbrushed hair.

“I’s gonna draw Uncle Moony a picture!” Harry grinned, green eyes sparkling up at Sirius.

“Oh? What are you gonna draw him?” Sirius prompted, adjusting his grip on the boy.

“Ummm… “ Harry squinted his eyes as he thought. “I not know yet, but it’s gonna be awesome!”

Sirius chuckled. “I’m sure Moony will love it either way.”

Harry’s expression suddenly dampened and he looked Sirius in the eyes again. “Dada says Moony’s sick.”

Sirius’ own smile faltered at Harry’s devastating expression. “Yeah, he is.”

“Moony okay?” Harry asked innocently.

Sirius hesitated for a moment while searching for the right words. “He will be,” Sirius explained. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Harry that nothing was certain yet. That’s not the kind of conversation you’re supposed to have with a three year old. “Moony just needs lots of rest and cuddles right now, yeah? I’m sure your drawing will help a lot.”

Harry’s face brightened a bit at that. “Yeah, I’s draw the best picture ever!”

Sirius gave Harry one last squeeze before handing him back over to James. “I know you will, kiddo.”

James wandered over to where Lily was sitting at the table, gently kissing her on the lips before passing Harry over so she could give him her own goodbye squeeze.

“Okay, I’ll be back in a bit and then we can get going,” James announced, swinging Harry’s bag over one shoulder

Tight knots formed in Sirius’ stomach whenever he thought about the hospital. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Remus—of course he did—he was just terrified of what he would see. What if he wasn’t getting any better? What if he became unstable over night and the doctors were currently working to save his life? What if—

The hospital would have called if there were any drastic changes, Sirius. Remus is fine. Stop your childish spiralling.

“Have fun, Harry,” Sirius said instead.

“Buh-bye Padfoot! Buh-bye Mummy!” Harry called back, waving over James’ shoulder as he carried him into the hall.

Maybe everything was going to be okay after all.

——

Nothing much had changed with Remus at the hospital. He hadn’t woken up again since Sirius had seen him, but Dr Pomfrey informed him that that wasn’t unusual at this stage. If that was supposed to make him feel better, it didn’t.

Lily and James were allowed into the hospital room this time, though if anything, it just made things more awkward. Two extra chairs were pulled into the room, and the three of them sat in stark silence, occasionally broken by James asking if anyone wants anything from the cafeteria, or Lily reading out a text from Euphemia detailing something funny Harry did to try and lighten the mood.

Sirius was dragged out of deep thought a few hours later when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his pocket to see a text from Marlene.

bigger boob enjoyer (marls): Hey, how’s Remus doing? Are you with him now?

Sirius would’ve ignored the message, but that would have left him feeling even guiltier than before, and he wasn’t sure he could handle that. The others hadn’t been updated very often, and Sirius knew that wasn’t fair. They were worried too.

Sirius: Yeah, I’m here. He’s doing about as well as expected. Nothings changed overnight, but I suppose I can’t complain because that also means things haven’t gotten worse.

bigger boob enjoyer (marls): Poor love. Do you know how it happened?

Sirius: The doctor reckons it was a rusty nail, but Remus hasn’t been conscious for long enough to confirm that yet.

Sirius: He told me he’d hurt his hip yesterday, but he said he’d bumped it. I presumed it was just bruised.

bigger boob enjoyer (marls): Ah, I see. Well, can’t say I’m surprised that he slightly bent the truth. We all know what Remus is like, the silly git.

Sirius: Yeah, you and me both.

Sirius was about to slide his phone back into his pocket, thinking that was the end of it, when Marlene texted again.

bigger boob enjoyer (marls): How are you holding up?

Sirius blinked.

Sirius: Me? I’m fine.

bigger boob enjoyer (marls): No, you’re not. And it’s completely okay not to be. Hell, I’m freaking the fuck out. I can’t imagine how shitty this is for you.

bigger boob enjoyer (marls): Just saying, you can talk to me, you know. I’m here for you. Always.

Sirius exhaled sharply before typing again. There was no point in pretending. Remus had done that, and look what happened there.

Sirius:I’m fine. It’s just… It was really fucking scary, you know? Like, one minute we were walking to the cinema and he was talking about how excited he was to be going, and the next he literally collapsed in my arms.

Sirius: I really can’t help but feel like it’s my fault. I knew I shouldn’t have let him go to the cinema. In fact, I came really close to dragging him back home. But then he gave me those goddamn puppy dog eyes and all coherent thought was lost.

bigger boob enjoyer (marls): Oh, Sirius. None of this is your fault, okay? You did everything you could and I’m really fucking proud of you, for what it’s worth.

Sirius didn’t know how to respond to that, especially as unwelcome tears began welling in his eyes as everything hit him all at once like a bloody freight train, so instead he quickly typed out a very uncreative response.

Sirius: Thanks, Marls. I appreciate it.

bigger boob enjoyer (marls): I love you ❤️

Sirius: Love you, too 🖤

Sirius turned his phone off for real this time, moving to take Remus’ hand in his once again.

——

Remus eventually woke up for the second time after lunch. He was much more responsive now, but his face remained several shades too light and his eyelids drooped every so often, making Sirius feel guilty for keeping him awake to chat. James and Lily were ecstatic when they finally saw him wake, but forced their excitement down as to not overwhelm him.

Sirius reached over and pressed the nurse call button like he had been instructed to once Remus came to. A nurse appeared not long after to check Remus’ vitals and make sure he was comfortable before notifying them Dr Pomfrey would be along shortly to properly inform Remus of his condition and explain the next steps.

Remus knew the basics—that the wound on his hip had become severely infected, leading to sepsis—but he hadn’t yet been lucid enough to receive the full briefing.

“Moony…” Sirius started gingerly, taking advantage of a brief silence. “What actually happened to your hip?”

Remus gave Sirius a guilty look then, face dropping slightly, and Sirius suddenly wished he could retract the question.

“It’s not exactly an interesting story. Bit pathetic, really,” he said before turning to Lily and James. He sounded out of breath from those few words alone. “You know how I was getting that box of photos from your loft the other day?”

They both nodded, content to allow Remus to continue without interrupting him.

“Well, there were a few planks of wood in the way, so I had to move those to the side to gain access to the box,” Remus continued slowly, as if he were embarrassed. “The thing is, I completely forgot how close they were to me, so when I turned around to leave, I ended up nicking my hip on a nail poking out of one of the planks,” he huffed suddenly. “Or—I thought it was just a nick. Suppose it was a bit more than that, eh?”

Sirius’ face softened. “Oh, Moons,” he said gently. “You should’ve said something.”

Remus shook his head. “I didn’t hide it on purpose,” he explained. “I just didn’t know it was that bad. Sure, I lied about cutting my hip in general, and for that I’m really sorry, but I had no idea it was that serious. I sort of just… refused to look at it. Like, if I couldn’t see it then it wasn’t there, you know?”

“You don’t need to apologise for anything, Remus,” Lily started. “We know you struggle opening up—and that’s fine—but… maybe you could try letting us in a little more? Or, just one person if you’re not comfortable talking to multiple people at once?”

Remus smiled weakly. “I’ll try.”

Dr Pomfrey appeared soon after, explaining that if everything goes according to plan, Remus should be discharged in roughly one week. Remus was then taken for more tests, and fell back asleep almost immediately afterwards. Sirius didn’t have the heart to disturb him further.

Lily and James left to collect Harry from Euphemia and Fleamont an hour later, but Sirius insisted he was staying until visiting hours were over.

Remus rarely woke again that day. Sirius didn’t mind. He was content to simply sit by Remus’ bedside, the gentle sound of Remus’ breathing filling the room—continuously reminding him that as long as he had Remus, he was the richest person in the entire world.

——

Four days later, Remus was well enough for additional visitors. Marlene, Mary and Peter immediately dropped what they were doing in favour of rushing to the hospital.

After the initial awkward conversation was out of the way, including the mandatory: “How are you feeling?” and “Never scare us like that again, you bastard,” James whipped out a pack of cards to lighten the mood.

They were originally going to play some eccentric card game James found online, but as the rules got progressively more lost in translation, going in one ear and straight out the other, they ultimately settled for Go Fish instead.

James shuffled before dealing the cards out, making a big show out of it as he passed the cards through his fingers in wacky, over the top ways to impress everyone—though he mainly received eye rolls for showing off.

“Hurry up, Prongs,” Sirius groaned mockingly. “We don’t have all day, you know.”

“You’re just jealous you’re not as cool and charming as I am.” James shrugged as he finished giving everyone their cards.

“And thank the lord for that,” Peter snorted. “The world couldn’t handle two James Potters.”

Sirius raised both eyebrows. “Wormtail, are you saying I’m not as cool and charming as Prongs? What the fuck?”

“Children, children, please,” Lily defused as Sirius crossed his arms, huffing.

“It’s okay, Pads. I think you’re alright sometimes.” Remus playfully cooed, ruffling Sirius’ hair.

Sirius batted Remus’ hand away. “Cheeky twat, I’m fucking delightful.”

“Hey, no assaulting the ill!” James pointed a stern finger at Sirius from across the room.

“Can we just play already?” Marlene asked impatiently, dipping a hand into her handbag and rummaging around before dragging her deep red lipstick across her lips.

“Ooh can I steal some of that, Marls?” Mary asked eagerly, thanking Marlene as she tossed the lipstick over.

“Okay, you start, Moony,” James said as he sorted the leftover cards into a neat pile and placed them on the small plastic table in the hospital room.

Remus shuffled through each of his cards before beginning. “Alright. Pete, any threes?”

The game dragged on for much longer than it should have as they kept getting distracted by side tangents or the occasional argument when one person believed another was cheating and holding cards back.

“Queens, Marls?” Sirius didn’t look up from his cards as he asked. He was actually doing pretty well, already having three piles of winning cards.

Marlene shook her head. “Go fish, bitch.”

Sirius was very unimpressed when he drew his very first two, which was about as useful as a chocolate teapot at this point.

In the end, Lily ended up winning, which was probably for the best because Sirius wouldn’t have shut up about it if he came out victorious.

“Can we play bullshit now?” Marlene asked excitedly, mainly because she was the best at it, and everyone knew it. The game requires you to be deceptive as you lie about the number of cards you’re placing down to try and get rid of all of them before anyone else, and Marlene always had the best poker face out of everyone.

“Aw, that game is so stressful,” Peter whined. “I literally always get caught in a lie.”

Sirius snorted. “Yeah, because you go beetroot every time you bluff.”

“Pass me your cards, Moony,” James began gathering the cards into one big pile yet again, preparing for the next game.

Sirius admired Remus as he reached to hand them over, but unmistakable discomfort flashed across his face as he stretched just too far, a pained groan escaping his throat as he dropped his cards and brought a hand up to the wound on his side, though careful not to touch it.

Sirius’ eyes widened immediately, and he moved closer to Remus, hovering. “Moons? Are you alright?”

Everyone else adopted their own worried expressions, watching the encounter intently as they all awaited Remus’ response.

“Mhm,” Remus forced out through gritted teeth. “Fuck. Sorry, think the pain meds are wearing off.”

“Should I go find a nurse?” Mary asked worriedly, already clambering to her feet. Someone must have nodded because she left the room a second later.

Remus squeezed his eyes shut, exhaling heavily through his nose. Sirius brought a hand to Remus’ arm, trailing light patterns across it with his thumb.

“You okay?” Sirius found himself asking softly yet again. He knew Remus didn’t like the fuss, but it was like a natural reflex at this point.

“Yeah.” Remus swallowed roughly. “It’s fine, I’m good. Though I don’t know how much fun I’ll be after they administer the pain meds. They make me all drowsy.”

“We’ll get going, love. Let you rest,” Lily announced.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to ruin anything,” Remus said sheepishly, voice small.

“Don’t be daft,” James smiled. “You’re more important than some silly card game, anyway. We’ll come back tomorrow and we can pick it up then.”

“Yeah, okay.” Remus nodded, clearly in too much pain to object.

Everyone began filing out shortly after, saying their goodbyes and giving Remus their well wishes. Sirius stayed right by Remus’ side, even long after the meds dragged him into an inevitable slumber.

Remus had been doing a lot better over the past few days, and Sirius found himself occasionally forgetting that he wasn’t one hundred percent just yet. His heart ached all over again as he watched the steady rise and fall of Remus’ chest.

Just three more days. Seventy-two hours. Four thousand three hundred twenty minutes. Three days, and they would be on their way back to their cozy little flat as if the whole thing never happened.

Three more days.

——

Mercifully, the time passed in the blink of an eye. Sirius remained at the Potters’, Lily and James insisting they host him until Remus was discharged. If he was being completely honest with himself, he was beyond thankful to not be spending these callous days alone—especially considering their devoid flat would remind him too much of Remus and result in unwelcome tears pricking his eyes once again.

Sirius almost exclusively stayed at the hospital, only leaving when visiting hours were over and he had no other choice but to venture back home. The little time he spent at the Potters’ was filled by baking cookies at midnight with Lily or helping Harry build eccentric block towers that almost always collapsed prematurely or watching cheesy movies with James that they got far too invested in.

When discharge day finally came, Sirius was both over the moon and overwhelmingly anxious. What if Remus isn’t fully better yet and something goes wrong and he ends up right back in hospital? What if he forgets to take his meds? What if Sirius forgets to remind him too?

Sirius was a bundle of nerves once he reached the hospital—James haven driven them there. There was a handful of paperwork to fill out before Remus could be officially discharged, but once that was out of the way, Sirius was finally able to take his Moony home.

Remus wore a patterned brown jumper and baggy blue jeans. It was the first time he had even remotely looked like himself in a week, and Sirius finally let out the breath he’d been anxiously holding during Remus’ entire hospital stay. He was still rather pale and the dark circles under his eyes clung to his skin ever so stubbornly and Sirius still didn’t quite trust him to stay upright on his own for long periods of time, but little remnants of before were slowly clawing their way back through—and it was a very welcome change. He looked so cozy that Sirius just wanted to wrap his arms around him as tightly as possible and bury his head in the crook of his neck and stay there forever and ever.

Sirius collected the few belongings Remus had with him at the hospital—including Barnaby and Rupert who had stayed on Remus’ bed with him the entire time—handing them over to James who carefully slotted everything into the crimson backpack resting on his shoulder.

“We good to go?” James asked as he slipped one of Remus’ annotated books into the bag, zipping it up.

“Yeah, all good,” Remus confirmed.

Sirius stepped towards Remus, offering him a hand. “My Prince.” Sirius playfully bowed.

Remus chuckled before accepting Sirius’ outstretched hand. “Why thank you, my Lord.”

Their fingers interlocked, and Sirius found himself never wanting to let go.

James drove them back to his house so Sirius could collect his belongings. He could’ve packed everything up beforehand and left them in the car, but Harry was very eager to see Remus and give him the ever growing collection of drawings he had made him over the past week, so Sirius promised they’d stop by before going back to the flat.

“Uncle Moony!” Harry beamed as the three of them crossed the threshold of the house, bolting towards Remus and clinging to his leg. He couldn’t reach any higher, which Sirius was suddenly thankful for as that also meant Harry couldn’t accidentally brush against Remus’ wound.

“Remember to be gentle, Harry!” Lily called from the kitchen. A second later she emerged into the hallway while drying her hands off on a kitchen towel.

“Hiya, Harry.” Remus laughed, ruffling the boys hair. He was likely still too sore to bend down and reciprocate Harry’s hug.

Harry held tight for a good minute before finally stepping back. “Moony better now?” he asked.

Remus smiled. “Yeah, I’m feeling better now.”

Harry’s face lit up once more. “Does that mean we can go to the park now?”

Lily stepped forward now, scooping her son up in her arms, balancing him on her hip. “Uncle Moony still needs to rest, sweetheart,” she explained gently.

Harry gave her a quizzical look. “But Moony say he better?”

“I am a little better,” Remus continued for her. “But I won’t be fully better again for a little while, I’m afraid. I had lots of nasty germs attacking my body, and they’re not all gone yet.”

Harry seemed to consider this for a moment, a look of sadness washing over him. “Oh.” Is all he seemed to manage.

“Hey, how about you go and get the drawings you made for Uncle Moony, Harry?” James suggested.

“Okay!” Lily lowered Harry to the floor and he rushed off into the living room.

Lily picked up the bag leaning on the wall to her left, handing it to Sirius. “Here, I packed your stuff up.”

Sirius’ eyes widened. “Oh! Thank you, Lils. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh, shut it. ‘Course I did.” Lily waved him off, smiling. Then she turned to look at Remus. “How are you feeling, love?”

Remus shrugged. “Still not great, but I’m getting there.”

“Well, that’s something. Let us know if you need anything, yeah? We’re more than happy to help out in any way we can.”

“Thanks, Lily,” Remus said appreciatively.

Harry burst back into the hall then, clutching at least five different drawings.

“Here!” Harry thrust them towards Remus. “I did these by myself!” Harry told him proudly.

Remus gasped sweetly. “Really? Are you sure? These look like they were done by a professional artist. Are you sure you drew these?” He arched an eyebrow playfully.

Harry giggled. “Nooo, I drewed them, silly!”

“You did?”

“Yes!”

“Well then, you’re very talented, Harry!” Remus admired the drawings. “Thank you very much.”

“You’re welcome!” Harry grinned up at Remus.

Remus had always been so good with Harry, and watching their little interactions only made Sirius’ heart melt a little more each time.

Once they had said their goodbyes to Lily and Harry, they filed back into James’ car so he could drop them home.

Sirius thanked James for everything he’d done over the past week before watching him drive off and heading up to their flat. They took it especially slowly on the stairs, Remus seemingly clutching the banister for dear life as he struggled to make it up. Sirius stayed by his side, taking Remus’ hand for extra support. Remus gripped his hand tight enough to cut off circulation, but Sirius didn’t mind. Hell, he’d swap places with Remus entirely if he could.

After they eventually reached their front door, Sirius fished in his pocket for the keys before carefully slotting the correct one in and opening the door—letting Remus slip in ahead of him. The flat was especially chilly due to being unoccupied for so long, and Sirius immediately cranked up the heat.

It was strange being back here. How odd is it to think that the last time they were in here together they were preparing for what turned out to be the worst day of Sirius’ entire life. Oh how naive they were.

Sirius tossed the bags down in the hall before joining Remus in the living room. Remus had already collapsed onto the couch, sinking into the cushions and sighing.

“Do you need anything?” Sirius asked as he draped a blanket over Remus’ shoulders. “Tea? Toast? Hardcore drugs?”

Remus snorted. “All of the above?”

“Aye aye, Captain.” Sirius saluted, turning on his heel and making his way towards the kitchen.

He returned shortly after with a small plate of lightly buttered toast (he wasn’t sure what Remus could stomach at the minute) as well as a warm cup of tea with a less than healthy amount of sugar in and Remus’ painkillers.

Remus was curled up now, eyes fixated on the tv in front of him.

“Here you are, love.” Sirius placed everything on the coffee table in front of Remus.

Remus’ eyes brightened a little at the sight. “Ah, thank you.” He smiled, reaching forward to grab his mug and sip at his tea.

Sirius gently lowered himself down beside Remus, careful not to jostle him.

“Do you need anything else?” Sirius asked after a moment.

Remus turned to face Sirius, smiling softly. “Sirius. I’m fine. You don’t need to worry.”

Sirius shrugged, reciprocating the look. “Of course I’m gonna worry, dumbass. You’re my Moony. How could I not?”

Remus looked deeply into his eyes, a flicker of emotion behind them before he shifted to tuck himself into Sirius’ side, lightly resting his head on Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius leaned his own head on top of Remus’, wrapping a careful arm around him and pulling him close.

“You really scared me, you know,” Sirius whispered, swallowing a rush of emotion down.

“I know,” Remus replied, voice small. “I’m sorry.”

Sirius had to bite back a laugh at that. No matter how many times Sirius told Remus he apologised too often, he continued to do it anyway.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for.” Sirius said instead.

“I do, though,” Remus murmured, absently fidgeting with one of Sirius’ ring. “I should have told you I cut my hip. I should’ve told you I didn’t feel well. I should’ve told you I was hurting. Hell, I promised you I would, but for some godforsaken reason I kept my mouth shut, and look where it got me.” Remus huffed a laugh, gesturing to his body.

“Is there a reason you do that?” Sirius asked. “Hide things to do with your health, I mean. I noticed you do it quite often.” There wasn’t any anger behind his words, simply genuine concern.

Remus went quiet for a moment while conjuring up an answer. “I don’t know,” he said finally. “I suppose I just don’t like the attention. It’s embarrassing and overwhelming and I don’t know how to react to it.”

Sirius’ heart clenched a little at that. He hated the thought of Remus suffering in silence because he preferred that over the attention he’d garner from others if they knew he was ill.

“Oh, Moons.” Sirius held Remus tighter, careful not to graze the wound on his hip. “Is there anything I can do to help that?”

Remus considered that for a moment before replying. “Maybe try not too fuss too much? I mean, I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate everything you do for me, because I definitely do, but the attention stresses me out. I don’t know why, it just does.”

“That’s alright, you don’t have to explain yourself to me, Moony. I get it. I’m afraid fussing is in my nature, but how about you tell me if I’m being too overbearing and I’ll back off a little, yeah?”

Remus nodded. “Yeah. That’d be good.”

“Good.” Sirius smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Remus’ head before resting his head there again. “Do you think you could try and do something for me, though?”

“What’s that?”

“Could you try and tell me if you’re not feeling well in the future? You don’t need to go into detail if it makes you uncomfortable, but I’d really appreciate just knowing if you think you could manage that for me.”

“Okay,” Remus answered. “I can do that.”

As Sirius felt Remus’ breathing even out against him not longer after, he silently admired those tousled curls and the plethora of freckles that gently caressed his features and the old scars that zigzagged their way across his face, tying everything together in perfect harmony, and he realised that as long as he held the moon lovingly in his arms, everything would be just fine—forever and always.