Silver Ties

Work on Tuesday was fine. Seeing Ariana walk with Ramona to the cafe instead of me was fine. Him giving me a knowling little glance when they passed my desk was fine.

I could handle all of that.

But when Miles mentioned that he’s probably going to the pub tonight with Ramona, I broke. It never even occurred to me that he might go.

“No.” I shook my head.

Miles laughed. “It's your own fault. You’ve been going too far lately so he’s probably only going to go to keep an eye on you.”

I scoffed. “It’s not my fault he’s insecure.”

“I think it is actually.”

“Well I don’t care.”

“You know, you’re kind of a shit person.” He laughed again like what he said was a joke.

I know that what I’m doing isn’t great, flirting with someone who’s in a relationship, but I’m not sorry. I don’t feel bad. Maybe if Artichoke was a decent person, but he’s not. He’s an asshole, has been since school. Just your typical jock who got a good job because daddy pulled some strings.

I shrugged. “I’ve done worse.”

“Yeah but this is all you, man.”

“Doesn’t bother me.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine, but imagine he was doing the same thing to you.”

“I’d put him in his fucking place.” I stuck my hands in my pockets. “But it wouldn’t come to that because Ramona wouldn’t be bored with me.”

“You think she’s bored?”

“She’s getting there, always does.”

She’s never had a relationship that lasted too long. Even in school she’d entertain a boy for a bit but eventually move on.

“And let me guess, you think you’re different from the rest of them?”

“Uh huh,” I nodded.

He shook his head and snorted. “I kind of believe you.”

“You should.”

___________________________________________________________

The pub wasn’t too busy when we got there, it was only tuesday, and there weren't a lot of us, it’s me after all. In fact most of the people that came were more so friends with Graham, Miles, or Annie. That didn’t stop them from buying me drinks though.

Annie wouldn’t let me drink them all. She started monitoring me after my fifth one. To be fair, I downed three after ten minutes of being there.

I accepted the glass of water from the bartender without looking away from the front door.

“Drink it,” Annie poked my shoulder.

I shot her a look before I took a small sip. She raised a sharp brow and I sipped a little more and she rolled her eyes.

Her eyes moved to the door. “She said she’d come?”

“Yeah.”

“Then she’ll be here. Ramona always keeps her word.” She squeezed my shoulder and smiled at me.

I smiled back because she knows. Of course she knows. I talk to her about it the most, believe it or not. Miles just gets to witness it all the time.

“Am I shit?”

“A little bit, why?”

My smile widened. “Oh shut up,” Over her shoulder I saw a familiar dark red haired girl. I ducked down and my eyes slowly widened. “Shit,” She turned around and scanned the room.

I grabbed her and moved her back in front of me. “What?”

I put my hand over my mouth and thought for a moment. The bar isn’t crowded enough to the point where I could sneak past her. She’s standing by a table near the front talking to some people. She’d definitely see me. I didn’t sign up for this tonight, I just wanted to get drunk and then sleep for the next twenty four hours.

Was she invited or is this just a coincidence? Can’t be a coincidence, I heard she was working on the other side of town and this pub is nothing special.

Annie says something but the sudden guilt I feel drowns her voice out. Why am I hiding? Why do I get to do that? I simply don’t own that right.

I peek around Annie who luckily stayed where I put her. Lori was still talking to the small group, catching up or whatever. She wasn’t all that different from how I remember her in school. Her hair was a little shorter, maybe a different style, and she looked happy. Other than that, same old girl.

She wasn’t happy when we dated. Not because of me, but I do think that was one of the reasons why we were together, why she stuck around. I wasn’t a great boyfriend, or person for that matter. But she never cared. Despite how I treated her, and how shit her home life was, she was always nice to me. And thinking back to that now made me feel sick so my stomach.

I turned back to the bar and ran both my hands through my hair.

“Mattheo, what’s wrong?”

I stood up and finally met Annie’s eyes.

She was worried.

“Sorry, yeah I’m good– I just– I think I have to,” I pointed towards Lori, “Gimme a second.”

“Oh…kay,” She nodded slowly and watched me walk off.

I heard her laugh as I approached and my steps faltered but I pushed forward. Nott, one of the people she was talking to looked up and smiled, raising his glass, spilling some over the side.

“Happy birthday Matty!”

I watched her shoulders tense and I could honestly throw up right here and now. I stopped a few feet from the table, she knows I’m here so there’s no need to get closer. I also want to give her the opportunity to leave comfortably if she desires to. Arthur would be proud of me for attempting to talk to her. Win win.

But she doesn’t make any kind of move to leave. Instead she turns around. And looks up at me.

Once I manage a breath I try to read her expression. I failed. I don’t know what any of that means. Despite us being exs I hardly know anything about her.

After staring uncomfortably for a painful minute I clear my throat. “Hi,”

She must be feeling similar to me, if only a little, because she manages a small, “Hi,” right back. Her eyes leave mine and instead look all over me. I stand there letting it happen because what else would I do?

And then she smiles. Just a little smile. “You look good,” She nodded. “Hermione said you were doing good but I just wanted to see for myself.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.” Her smile was too nice.

It hurt. I could feel it affecting me, my nose tingles and soon enough my vision got blurry.

“I’m drunk.” I said to excuse my sudden appearance. Not to excuse it, like it wasn’t true, I was just giving the reason for… me. “Could we talk…maybe?”

Her face softened and she nodded. She looked around the pub. She must have decided something because she took my hand and pulled me through the crowd that was slowly gathering as the night went on. It was getting to the time where it was acceptable to be out drinking. Most people don’t have a curfew.

She led me over to a corner that was rather empty, save a couple whispering and giggling to each other, and two business women.

We stood by one of the high tables and she let me just stand quietly for a moment.

“I know it’s been a while, but I just– I’m sorry about how I was in school, how I treated you. You didn't deserve that. And I don’t expect you to forgive me– that’s not why I’m doing it. I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“I forgive you.”

Huh?

“...you don’t have to say that.”

“I know, I was never mad at you or anything, but I guess I was kind of glad when Maura broke us up.” She laughed lightly at the thought, brushing her hair from her face.

Maura is Lori’s older sister. Long story short, after I ditched Lori one too many times Maura hunted me down, with Lori right behind her, and punched me in the face. Twice. She yelled at me and said if I went near Lori again she’d bite me. Then she dragged her sister away and needless to say I didn’t speak to Lori ever again. Until now.

“Really?”

“I think you’re giving yourself too much credit, I had a lot going on.” She shrugged.

“Maybe, but still, I was terrible.”

“Yeah,” She nodded, agreeing.

We talked more and caught each other up on everything happening with ourselves. I didn’t have much to say that she didn’t already know thanks to every newspaper ever.

Lori said she was working on becoming a healer over at St. Mungos, and that the process is a long one but she is more than halfway. She was really excited about all of that and she’s going to study abroad in France next year to wrap up her training.

She was talking about it all very animatedly and it made me happy. It’s nice to see her doing better, even if I didn’t really care about her back then, I do now, in some ways.

I guess I’m just glad I didn’t ruin her completely, but then again maybe she’s right and I never had that much power over her. Whatever the case is, I’m just glad to see her this way.

And whether I deserve to or not, I feel better about myself, having that talk with her made my chest feel lighter.

She wanted to buy me a drink but I lied and said I was done for the night because the last thing I needed was for her to spend money on me.

So I bought her a drink and sent her on her way, but not before she hugged me. She held me tightly and I would’ve stayed like that for as long as she’d allow it if I hadn’t started to lose my composure. So I ended it and she smiled up at me before heading back to her table.

I stood there for a moment, analyzing our whole conversation. My first thought was that Arthur is going to be pleased when I tell him about this. And then my second thought was I need a drink. These past twentyish minutes sobered me up pretty quickly.

I ordered three shots and took them all back to back and then chased them with lemonade. Not the worst combination, but definitely a weird one.

I stayed at the bar until I started to feel the effects of the alcohol and when I eventually did I started looking for my friends. Miles and Annie were slow dancing to the upbeat music coming from the jukebox in the corner, Graham was playing darts with a small group, and Ramona was looking at me over the top of her drink.

Ramona.

RAMONA.

I smiled and made my way over. “Ramona,” I sighed, contently. She was sitting at the other side of the bar, my favorite place, with two friends who I smiled at too. Gotta make a good impression on her friends.

She set her glass down and smiled back, softly. “Hi, Mattheo.”

I sat in the seat next to her and rested my face on the fist. “Yeah,” I nodded. The two girls behind Ramona laughed.

She raised her eyebrows slowly. “Yeah?”

My smile slipped from my face and I swallowed hard, nodding slowly.

The corner of her mouth twitched and she looked away for a moment. “Are you having a good time?”

“Oh the best.” I nodded again. “I was waiting for you, when you’d get here?”

She gives me a look that says she’s not surprised to hear that. “I’ve been here for a while.”

“Really?”

She hummed. “You were talking to someone.”

I thought for a moment. “Lori?”

“Mhm.” She took a sip of her drink and looked around the room.

“Oh, yeah, Lori.” I smiled. “She, we– in uh, we were,” I nodded. “She’s great.”

I watched her run her tongue over her teeth. “She seems sweet.”

“Yeah,”

I thought about bringing up adrenaline but decided against it, must be that tiny last sober piece of me. I’m just glad I don’t see him anywhere.

“You guys wanna do shots?”

“You don’t think you’ve had enough?” She asked, looking me over.

“It’s my birthday Ramona, Pleeeease?”

“Yeah come on Ramona.” Her friends laughed, bumping her shoulder.

She looked in between the two of us and rolled her eyes. “One time.” She held up her hand and looked at me with a serious expression.

“Yes ma’am.”

We ordered the shots and the four of us knocked our glasses together before throwing them back.

She held my gaze the whole way, even as she chased the shot with a shirley temple. I let out a breath and grin and for whatever reason she returned it.

Despite what she said earlier, she got the next round. And then her friend got the one after that. She started to loosen up and I saw a side of her I’ve never seen, and it doesn’t help that I only ever see her at work. She’s very mature and laidback usually, and she still is but she just seems less tense, maybe?

I wouldn’t say she’s drunk, more tipsy than anything, but she’s smiling and she actually laughed when I made a dumb joke about work that only she would understand because the other two didn’t work in the ministry.

I had turned on the stool to face her a while ago and she only raised her brows at me.

She was on her second shirley temple, nursing it like tea. Her friends had left to go dance a bit ago and it’s just been the two of us.

“Not bad for a child's birthday party, huh?” I said almost teasingly. I watched her lips pull into a smile.

She shrugged and she opened her mouth, ready to talk but then she stopped. Her eyebrows twitched and then she grabbed my arm and pulled it in front of her. She unbuttoned the sleeve of my shirt and I choked on air when she pulled the fabric back. She leaned down and tilted her head, looking at my watch.

Her eyes went wide and she stood up all the sudden, even watching her made me dizzy. “Merlin– Mattheo you have to go– it’s nearly eight.” She tried pulling me up but I hunched down and held my glass of watered down scotch. She thought I didn’t notice when she added water, I’ve just been pretending it didn’t taste like shit this whole time.

“I don’t want to go yet.” I pouted.

“Mattheo your curfew,” She looked around the room for help possibly but our friends were all hammered.

“Curfew? Are the prefects out already?” Why would they be out so soon? Silly guys.

“–what?”

I smirked once I realized what was going on. I stood up and stepped into her space. “You wanna sneak around? I know a good broom closet, it has a desk that’ll put you at just the right height for–”

Her hand went over my mouth and her eyes were wider than before. “Mattheo your probation curfew. You need to go.” She started dragging me to the door looking all worried, it was cute. I let her take me outside, her cold hand was a nice contrast to my warm one.

She took me to the alley and I blushed.

She was swearing under her breath before she looked up at me. “I need you to hold still okay? And clear your mind, can you do that?”

I leaned back against the wall of the pub and pulled her closer. “I’m not in a rush, ‘Mona.”

She froze for a moment and stared at me. I smiled.

“Don’t move, clear your head, do it.” Even in the poor lighting I could see her blush. Awe she’s getting all shy.

“You’re so cute,” I sighed.

She bit the inside of her cheek. “Can you please do this for me, Mattheo?”

I tilted my head and nodded. “Okay.”

She exhaled. “Thank you.” Her arm threaded through mine and she pulled out her wand. “Clear mind,” She reminded me. I nodded.

The twist of apporation made my stomach flip. As soon as we landed I was nauseous. I stumbled away from her and hit a wall. “Oh shit,” I mumbled before throwing up all over the brick wall. Once I was finished she pulled me back up straight and wiped my mouth with my own sleeve.

“Come on, we’re almost there.” She dragged my stumbling body into a building and somehow got me up two flights of stairs. Before we reached the door that looked vaguely familiar I threw up in a potted plant.

Ramona stuck her hands in all my pockets until she found my keys and then unlocked the door with them. She shoved me inside and I almost fell over again. She shut the door behind her and then stood there frozen.

I peeled my coat off and threw it to the floor. I was getting really hot and I felt gross. “I don’t know if I’m feeling up to it anymore,” I frowned. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s quite alright.” She mumbled.

“But can you stay anyway?–” My stomach gurgled and I groaned before running, well attempting, to the kitchen sink. I heard a loud pounding on the door and it scared me back a few steps. I turned around and slowly slid to the floor. Ramona was looking at me. She took a deep breath and then opened the door.

A middle–aged man walked in, he pushed past Ramona and she almost looked offended. He marched over to me wearing an annoyed expression. “You broke curfew, Riddle.”

My eyes fell to his boots. “Come on mate, you’re b–boots–” My hand flew to my mouth and I stumbled to my feet, shoving my head into the sink once again.

It sounded like Ramona came closer and was talking to the man, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I pulled my head out and rested it on the side, turning my head so my ear was facing them.

“–yfriend’s birthday and I dragged him out– he didn’t even want to go, I’m really sorry, it’s my fault not his.”

“I’m afraid that doesn’t matter. The point is, he broke curfew. His excuses don’t mean anything. He’s lucky to be out of that hell hole, he doesn’t get warnings.”

“Sir honestly, he was only late by a few minutes.”

I turned my head and peeked up at them. Ramona’s shirt had a few more buttons undone than before.

“Don’t you think that, just this once, he can get a slap on the wrist? Please?” She stepped closer to the guys and slowly pushed her chest out. My eyebrows went up and my mouth dropped open.

“W-well that’s not what I’m supposed to do.”

“I know but then you would have to fill out a bunch of paperwork and waste your night on him. That doesn’t sound like any fun.”

“It’s part of the job, ma’am.” He grabbed his belt and squared his shoulders, feigning toughness.

And she played into that.

“Your job must be hard work, huh? I can’t imagine working so close to dark wizards.” She glanced over at me when she said it. She looked sorry.

“It is, but I knew what I was signing up for, someone has to do it. Hold on, didn’t you say he was your boyfriend?”

“Well yeah,” She stepped closer to him and lowered her voice. “But between you and me, it’s out of pity.”

The guy chuckled and shook his head, blatantly looking down her shirt. “I don’t think that’s a great idea, kid.”

“I know, I know but I’m having fun. You don’t want to ruin my fun do you?” She raised her brows, waiting.

“Alright, just this once. It can’t happen again okay?” He leaned down and smirked.

She bit her lip, smiling and nodded her head eagerly.

“Alright, keep him on a leash if you have to.” He started making his way to the door with her right behind him.

She laughed and nodded. “Thank you so much, sir.”

“Mm hm,” He nodded and then he was gone.

Once she shut the door behind him her shoulders dropped and she let out a slow breath.

She fixed her shirt before walking back to me, her hand smoothed my hair back and off my sticky forehead. “You okay?” She whispered.

I closed my eyes and nodded, relishing in the feeling of her skin against mine. I wait a moment before I stand back up all the way. I meet her gaze and smile. She just seduced that guy into forgetting about me breaking curfew.

After puking up most of the liquor I’d consumed earlier, I was unfortunately sobering up. I was no longer under the impression that she was taking me home because she wanted me, in any way.

Regardless, she just did a big thing for me. “Thank you.”

She turned away. “You need water.” She eventually finds a cup in one of the cabinets. She fills it up in the sink and hands it to me. My fingers touched hers and she stood still for a moment before pulling away. She pulled out her wand and started vanishing the dirt from the man’s boots.

I watched her for maybe two seconds before setting the glass down and walking closer to her.

She tensed when she heard the glass touch the table. She didn’t turn around but she knew I was standing right behind her.

My chest started rising and falling a little faster. I squeezed my hands into fists.

“I love you.”

“Stop,” she said almost immediately.

“Ramona–”

“You’re drunk.”

I nodded even though she wasn’t looking. “Yes, and tomorrow I'll be sober and it’ll still be true. I think you know that.”

“Mattheo stop,” She sighed.

I looked down at the ground. If she wasn’t with Adrian would this have gone differently? Would she have turned around with tears in her eyes and confessed her love for me too? Was she too busy loving someone else?

“Do you love him?”

The silence was loud.

She turned around slowly and lowered her voice. “Stop.” She held my gaze for a moment and then went back to the kitchen and started cleaning up. I watched her for a second before going to my jacket and fishing an aged bottle of firewhisky from my pocket. A gift from Graham.

I popped the seal and started draining the bottle, enjoying the burning trail it left behind.

“Mattheo–” She marched over and tried to grab the bottle from me but I tucked it against my chest and turned away from her slightly. “Mattheo seriously? Give it to me.”

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and looked up at her through my lashes. “You should probably go, don’t want your boyfriend thinking something happened.”

She did not like that.

Her eyebrows pinched together and she sighed, but I could tell she was holding her tongue. I was about to egg her on but she spoke. “Why me?”

Huh?

“Huh?”

“Why me?”

Oh. She means me and her. Why do I like her? Why she had to be the victim of my attention?

“You just got unlucky.”

“I want a real answer.”

“I want things too.”

She shook her head. “That’s not fair.”

She was right. It wasn’t. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to stop.”

I could tell she meant it. I could hear it in her voice. I could see it in her eyes. There was something else there but I hadn’t the slightest clue what it was. I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised. I am but I shouldn’t be. Maybe surprised isn’t the right word. I just never thought that we’d have this conversation. I never thought I’d tell her like this.

I pictured us in her office. I stopped by with lunch and we ate together. She'd be telling me about a bizarre client and she’d laugh, a genuine laugh, at her own story and I’d wait until she was finished to kiss her cheek and then I’d tell her.

Or maybe she’d be scolding me for those days when I give in and return a snarky little comment to Weasley. I’d roll my eyes and kiss her quiet and tell her to shut up, and then when she got mad about that I’d kiss her again and tell her.

Endless possibilities that are starting to feel less and less possible at this very moment. I focus back on her and nod. “Okay.”

Her eyebrows twitched.

I stood up and took another swig. I opened the door and went back to the kitchen and dumped the water into the sink and instead filled the glass with the whiskey. “Thank you for getting me home Ramona, I’ll see you Thursday.”

She didn’t move. “Mattheo,”

I smiled. “Goodnight.”

She looked like she wanted to argue but I knew she wasn’t going to. She hesitantly stepped towards the door and grabbed the handle. “Happy birthday.”

When the door shut I dropped my elbows onto the counter and smushed my face into my hands.

Fuck me.