totally awesome

Harry sighed, leaning back into the couch. The room was silent.

“I… this is gonna be…” Ron couldn’t form his thoughts into words.

“Harry, you were the only one of us who was there that night. If you don’t wanna watch-”

“No,” He said. “I want to watch it.” The others nodded to each other.

(Fade in. People are still running around, repeating ‘Portkey!’ Harry and Cedric collapse onto the ground in the graveyard.)

CD: “Uh, where are we?”

Some people giggled at the line delivery, but Harry’s face was frozen in a frown.

HP: “I don’t know Cedric, someone punched me in the face and my sense of direction got a little goofed up!”

CD: “Well it seems clear to me now that that punch ladle was a portkey, and now, thanks to you, we’ve both been transported to some mystery location.”

Harry almost found himself wishing the character would just die already, so he didn’t have to watch this. Knowing this show, there was an equal chance they’d make his death funny or serious. Harry didn’t want to see either of those.

HP: “Brilliant Cedric, well, you’re a Hufflepuff, why don’t you FIND a way out of this place, okay?”

CD: “Harry, I think I FOUND something!”

“That’s the first time he found something this entire show,” Draco laughed. Nobody else did.

CD: “It appears to be a headstone. We must be in some sort of graveyard. (reading) Tom Riddle, Mary Riddle, Thoms Riddle.”

“Thoms?” Ron asked.

“They probably misspelled it,” Hermione whispered to him, keeping her eyes on Harry, who was squeezing his arms tightly to himself.

CD: “Riddle me this, eh Potter?”

HP: “Cedric, I don’t know about this place. I think we gotta get out of here.”

CD: “Harry, you’re a Gryffindor. Where’s your sense of adventure?”

HP: “God- Cedric, you are so annoying, okay? You’re like this guy, that’s just around all the time, when I don’t need a guy around. You’re this spare guy all the time. This spare dude. You’re such a spare!”

V: “Kill the spare!”

QQ: “Avada Kedavra!”

Everyone in the room flinched at the killing curse being said aloud. Harry looked on the verge of tears, but he held strong.

(Cedric falls.)

CD: “So many regrets! I’m dead!” (He dies).

“At least that part’s over,” Harry sighed. He took a few deep breaths. Nobody else said anything, not wanting to make him mad.

HP: “Oh my wizard God!”

QQ: “Not so fast! Petrificus Totalus!”

HP: “Professor Quirrell, you just killed Cedric!”

QQ: “Not I, Potter. But perhaps you’d like to see who did. He’s dying to see you.”

(Quirrell takes off the turban.)

V: “Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived. It’s good to see you again.”

DEATH EATER: “The cauldron is ready, my lord.”

HP: “Cauldron? What are you guys gonna do, eat me? That’s gross.”

“They probably would,” Ginny mumbled.

V: “Ah, as delicious a dish as I’d think you’d make, Potter, I’d need a stomach of my own to digest you. And I haven’t got one of those… yet.”

(He and Quirrell go into the cauldron. A death eater drops a bone in, removes a knife, and cuts off his own hand.)

DEATH EATER (Snape): “AHHHHHHH! OOOhhhhh… Aaaahahhaha… Wooho… Okay, haha…”

(A death eater cuts Harry.)

DEATH EATER (Snape): “Stop struggling! Detention, Potter!”

“Wait is that-” All eyes turned to Snape. They’d almost forgotten that he was indeed once a servant of Voldemort’s. The Gryfindoors were convinced he still was.

“I was not there that night,” He assured them.

HP: “Detention? Jeez, this guy is almost as big of an asshole as Snape is!”

(Quirrell jumps out of the cauldron, by himself.)

QQ: “It worked!”

(Voldemort rises up, wearing his iconic sparkly cape.)

“Wait, what is he wearing?” Draco said, recoiling. The other kids laughed.

“How fashionable!” Ron said.

(He jumps out and begins taking large, slow steps. It’s pretty clear that he’s wearing tap shoes.)

“Wait, is he wearing tap shoes?” Harry asked, speaking for the first time in a while.

“It appears he is,” Dumbledore said, smirking.

(A spotlight shines down on him.)

V (singing): “When I was a boy…”

Everyone in the room either groaned or burst into laughter.

“Oh god, he’s singing again,” Ron wheezed.

V: “But an orphan boy… I’d love to move my feet. I’d hear a tune, and start to swoon, my life would seem complete.”

Draco and Snape looked utterly speechless.

V: “The other boys would laugh and jeer, but I'd catch ‘em tapping their toes. And when i’d start to sway, they’d get carried away… and oh, how the feeling grows… I take my foot!”

(I'm not gonna write each time he dances. He does the dancey dance. You’ve seen the show. You know how silly it is.)

It was at this point that the Gryfindors lost it. Ron doubled over laughing, pulling Harry with him. Hermione was trying to maintain her composure, and was clutching her stomach as she tried not to laugh. Ginny was practically howling. Draco’s mouth hung open. Dumbledore was chuckling lightly. Snape just looked offended.

V: “My little foot!”

“Ohhhh my god,” Harry wheezed. “I'm never gonna be able to think about him without thinking of this,” He said, bursting into laughter once more.

V: “And with that foot… oh how I start to shake. I take two feet. Two tiny feet. Hey look! that’s neat!”

Draco couldn’t help but start laughing. He had the utmost respect and fear for the Dark Lord, of course, but this was just too funny.

V: “It’s coming true! Oh boy I get to dance again, WAHOO!!”

Snape had to breathe in sharply to keep from laughing at this.

V: “To dance again… I've been waiting all these years to dance again… now at once a chance appears, to hear the beat. So on your feet. It’s time to dance again! Come on, Potter! Imperio!”

(Harry stands and begins dancing)

“AAAGHHH!” Harry said, covering his face in embarrassment (though he was smiling wide).

V: “You take your foot. Your little foot! Hey look, your foot! See how it starts to shake!”

QQ: “Ooh, try his arms! How ‘bout a twirl? He’s like a girl!”

BOTH: “How overdue!”

V: “I get to finally dance again with you!”

Ginny and Ron smiled at eachother gleefully and burst into laughter once more. Draco suddenly realized what they were laughing about, and looked at them.

“Wait, are-”

“Yes!” The siblings cried out, laughing. Draco’s hand flew to his mouth in shock. He began laughing with them as well.

BOTH: “To dance again… I've been waiting all these years to dance again… now at once a chance appears. It’s lovely swaying and the music’s playing, come on let’s dance again!”

Hermione had the same realization that Draco had just had. She looked at Ron and grasped his shoulder tightly.

“Oh my GOD,” She said, voice trembling as she held back laughter.

V: “Everybody!”

DEATH EATERS: “I take my foot!”

V: “You take your foot!”

DEATH EATERS: “My little foot!”

V: “Take that little foot!”

DEATH EATERS: “And oh my foot!”

V: “Let me hear it now!”

DEATH EATERS: “Oh how it starts to shake! Oh Voldy’s back!”

“Voldy,” Harry snickered.

V: “Hello world!”

DEATH EATERS: “For the attack!”

V: “I’m gonna get ya!”

DEATH EATERS: “He’ll take over the world, it’s true, but first there’s something he’s gotta do!”

V: “I’ll dance again!”

Everyone, including Snape, laughed at the kickline that the Death Eaters had formed onstage.

V: “I’ve been waiting all these years to dance again! Now at once a chance appears! Everybody make way! For a pas de bourrée! It’s time to dance, it’s time to dance, it’s time to dance… AGAIN!!!!”

(The screen fades to black)

The Gryfindors applauded the dance, still laughing. Harry was extremely glad that they’d put that song there, to make him feel better after Cedric’s death scene. He couldn’t help but smile now.

“That was incredible,” Ron said.