Yassss Hermione slap those jerks
(Fade in.)
RW: “Oh my god. Ah. I can’t believe it.”
HP: “What?”
RW: “I just can’t- I can’t believe she is dancing with every guy but me. That is so- That is so stupid. That is stupid…”
“Jealous much, Weasley?” Malfoy teased.
“Shut up, or else we’re gonna have a conversation about why you were singing about me,” Hermione snapped at him. Draco’s face reddened and he looked away.
HP: “W-Why do you- Why do you even care, man?”
RW: “I don’t! I-I don’t care. I don’t care, and that’s what I’m gonna go up and tell her. I’m gonna go and say “I don’t care what you do” and she’s gonna feel so damn stupid. She is gonna feel like such an idiot.”
“How sweet of you,” Ginny said. Ron continued mumbling apologies to Hermione through the entire scene.
HP: “Listen Ron, you’re acting like a real jerk, maybe you should take it easy on the butterbeer.”
RW: “No!”
“Are you drunk off of butterbeer?” Harry asked. “Is that even possible?”
HG: “Hey guys!”
HP: “Hey Hermione, hey you look great. You look wonderful.”
HG: “Oh, thanks, yeah. You know, I used to think looks weren’t important, and now I think they’re more important than anything.”
“That's… damn,” Ron said. “That’s just sad.”
“It’s sad that people actually feel that way,” Ginny added, sighing.
HG: “Oh, it’s just, i’m having so much fun dancing with everyone-”
RW: “Wow- wow Hermione. When did you become so shallow? When?”
“I'm so sorry…” Ron mumbled, grabbing his knees as his drunken character insulted Hermione.
HG: “What is wrong with you, Ron?”
RW: “Nothing! Nothing’s wrong with me! But why don’t you just go ask Schlongbottom to dance, huh? Go do it.”
HG: “You know what? Maybe I will.”
“Good for you, Hermione,” Ginny said, high-fiving her.
RW: “I showed her. I showed her so good.”
HP: “Wait a second. Wait a hot second. I know what’s going on here! You’ve got a crush!”
“Did he not see the whole musical number?” Draco asked.
“Suspend your reality, Malfoy,” Hermione said, dismissing him with a wave of her hand.
HP: “Alright, Ron. Listen- listen to me now. Just a little advice, just- call me crazy, but girls don’t really like it when you’re angry at them, much less when you shout at them.”
Hermione high fived Harry.
“Wh- I want a high five too!” Ron whined. “I’m not a bad person! The character is!”
“Nope. No high-five for you,” Hermione shook her head, smiling.
HP: “Now maybe what you should do is go over there and tell her how much you care about her. Okay? Maybe you should ask her to dance.”
RW: “What? No! No! ‘Cause then she’d know that I liked her, and you always know that you don’t tell a girl that you like her, because it makes you look like an idiot.”
“Again, who gave that stupid advice?” Ron asked.
HP: “I know you’ll look like an idiot, anytime you tell a girl you like her, it makes you look dumb. That’s inevitable. (INEVITABLE??!!!???!!!!!) But listen, it’s something you have to do. Ron, you have to move forward so that everyone will like you back.”
“Wow, he’s actually kind of giving good advice,” Ginny remarked.
HP: “Okay? And what have we got to lose? We look like idiots anyway. We’re- here’s one. Look at our robes. You know, if we dressed like this in the muggle world, we would get our asses kicked.”
“You’d get them kicked in the wizarding world as well,” Draco added.
“Mr. Malfoy, I know those robes aren't the most fashionable-” Dumbledore began.
“No- no, it’s ok. He’s right. They’re really ugly,” Harry interrupted. Ron nodded.
“Well… I'm glad you agree, because I was indeed lying. I also find them very unattractive.” The kids snickered.
HP: “You have nothing to lose. Absolutely nothing. I bet, you know, she probably wants to dance with you just as much as you want to dance with her. You just gotta… You just gotta, give it a… a chance. Maybe there’s something that you didn’t see before, you know?”
“I have a feeling he’s not talking about Hermione,” Ron teased, looking pointedly at Ginny. She glared back at him.
HP: “You just gotta go and maybe find something special and through the whole time you just didn’t really have the guts to… say anything…”
RW: “Where are you going? Where are you going? I’m still mad and sad.”
HP: “Hold on. HP’s gonna take his own advice, pal.”
“I have never referred to myself as ‘HP’ and I don’t want to ever hear it again,” Harry added.
HP: “Hey Ginny.”
Harry and Ginny made an effort to not make eye contact.
GW: “Oh, Hey Harry.”
HP: “Can I sit down?”
GW: “Um, yeah, sure.”
HP: “Sooo… how’s Hogwarts?”
GW: “You know, it’s… it’s okay. I- I was actually, I was really excited to come here, but now that I’m here I just… I just don’t think I belong.”
Various versions of ‘you belong’ and ‘that’s not true’ were murmured from the Gryffindors.
HP: “Oh yeah, I totally know what you mean.”
GW: “Um… no. You don’t. You’re Harry Potter.”
HP: “Yeah, I know, for eleven years I was this dumb kid that got the crap kicked out of me, under a staircase, and all of a sudden like- you’re a wizard! You have all these powers! And everybody thinks I'm cool all of a sudden. It’s weird, it’s kind of isolating, I- uh- hey, i’m sorry, i’m sorry, I’m complaining about being famous. I’m sorry.”
“How do you even find a way to complain about being famous?” Draco scoffed.
GW: “Oh, no, I understand. It’s like when you first got here, nobody wanted to get to know you because they thought they knew you already. But eventually you’ll find people that’ll want to get to know you for the real you.”
HP: “You know Ginny, I feel like I already have found this person. And I've taken that for granted, so tell you what- come on. You wanna dance? It’s the whole point of the evening.”
(Ginny accepts and stands.)
“They’re changing more things, again,” Harry noted. “Me and Ginny didn’t dance at the Yule Ball.”
HP: “Now I gotta warn you, I’ve learned all my best dance moves from Hagrid… so I'm not that great.”
GW: “I’m sure you’ll be fine. Wow, Harry Potter! I don’t care what anybody says, you’re the best dancer that ever was.”
HP: “Well I’ve got a confession to make, Ginny. These shoes right here, are magical enchanted dancing shoes.”
“I should’ve thought of that,” Harry mumbled to himself.
GW: “Wowie! Harry Potter!”
HP: “I’m just messing with you. I’m just awesome at dancing.”
(They continue dancing, and Ron cuts in between Hermione and Neville.)
RW: “Yah!”
HG: “Ow!”
RW: “Okay, when you REALLY dance with Neville is when you cross the line. Okay take this: Beat it. Get out of here.”
“No! What did Nevillie ever do to me?” Ron asked his onscreen self.
HG: “What is wrong with-”
RW: “Come here. COME HERE.”
HG: “Ow! Ow! Why are you being so mean to me?”
RW: “I’m not being mean!”
“How drunk is he?” Hermione asked.
“More than he should be,” Ron sighed.
HG: “Ow! Yes you are! You know everyday, everyone is trying to put me down, and on the one day I actually feel like a person you’re trying to ruin it!”
RW: “Holy shit.”
“Yess!!! Tell him, girl!!” Ginny cheered. Hermione had a smug look on her face. Ron cheered as well.
“Why are you-”
“Musical me SUCKS,” Ron explained.
HG: “What is wrong with you, Ron? Come on.”
DM: “Weasley!”
“Auuurggghhhh,” Draco groaned in annoyance as his character rolled onto stage..
DM: “The lady said no.”
HG: “Not you too! You know what? I am so sick of both of you. I hate you both!”
(She slaps them.)
“Just like the time I punched Draco,” Hermione reminisced.
“You what?” Ginny asked.
“Don’t worry about it.”
DM: “What did you say to her?”
RW: “Nothing!”
DM: “I’m bleeding!”
RW: “I’m bleeding.”
DM: “Look at this!”
RW: “Look what she did to me.”
“She just slapped them, how are they- you know what, nevermind.” Ron said, shaking his head.
HP: “You know, Ginny… Ginny, I'm feeling kind of dizzy.”
GW: “Well maybe we should stop spinning. It’s from all this spinning, huh?”
HP: “...We have stopped spinning.”
(They kiss.)
“HEY! THAT'S MY SISTER!” Ron said, poking Harry in the side jokingly. Harry and Ginny both covered their eyes with their hands, thoroughly embarrassed.
HP: “Wait! No! No no no no… I can’t- I can’t do this. You’re- You’re Ginny Weasley. You’re my best friend’s little sister. You’re Ron Weasley’s sister, I c- I-I’m sorry Ginny, I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”
(Ginny runs off, crying.)
“That is such a- shitty- thing for me to do,” Harry said, whispering the word so the professors wouldn't hear. “I’m so sorry.” Ginny nodded, but she was more worried about if that’s why Harry hadn’t come to talk to her about their kiss at the quidditch game. Was he scared?
HP: “Hey Cho! Hey, hey, come on, dance with me. I’m Harry Potter. Let’s go.”
“Well, he moved on quickly,” Hermione laughed.
CD: “Excuse me, I believe I was dancing with the lady.”
HP: “Yeah I know, and I'm uh, I'm cutting in, so yeah.”
CD: “Well, I FIND that to be very rude.”
HP: “Alright Cedric, well, why don’t we FIND out what the lady has to say about it?”
CC: “Oh boys, there’s no need to fight over little ol’ me. But by the way, Cedric thinks that you cheated on the dragon’s task.”
“What?! I was the one that told him it was dragons!” Harry protested.
“Not in this universe, you didn't,” Hermoine pointed out.
HP: “Cheated? Are you kidding me? That thing was trying to eat me. I was in its mouth!”
CD: “Exactly. What went on in there? I’d like to FIND out.”
HP: “Alright that is it, Diggory. We are dueling! Let’s go!”
“This certainly never happened,” Snape commented. “At least, as far as I know.”
CC: “Oh Godric’s Hollow! All this excitement is making me thirsty.”
HP: “Oh, Cho! I can get you something to drink! Let me get you some punch.”
CD: “No, I’ll get the punch.”
“Oh no,” Harry whispered, realizing what the ladle was.
HP: No, I’ll get the punch!”
CD: “Fine! Have the punch!”
(Cedric punches him)
“You gotta admit… that was a pretty good line,” Ron said.
CD: “I did it!”
CC: “You did it!”
HP: “Cedric Diggory, I'm gonna kill you!”
(He swings the ladle at him, and Cedric catches it. Everyone begins running around. As Harry and Cedric spin in place.)
EVERYONE: “Portkey! Portkey! Portkey!”
(Fade to black.)
“Oh,” Said the others, realizing what was about to happen. They all fell silent.