totally awesome

(The Starkid logo appears on screen, accompanied by music that sounds similar, though not the same, as Hedwig’s Theme. Some text appears, explaining that this is a fan-made musical and is not affiliated with the author. The logo for the musical appears on screen, then fades out.)

(Harry fades in, sitting on a suitcase. He raises his head to the audience.)

“Is that meant to be… me?” Harry asked, baffled. Ron snickered.

(The music continues, and Harry looks around nervously.)

“Nice haircut, Potter,” Draco laughed. Dumbledore looked at him pointedly.

“These are actors. They’re not going to always look accurate.”

HP: (singing) “Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle and my aunt.”

“I guess they’re American,” Hermione said, noting the lack of an accent.

HP: “I can’t believe how cruel they are, and it stings my lighting scar to know they’ll never, ever give me what I want.”

“What do you want, Paul…” The voice from the speaker sang. The group looked up. “Oh, sorry, is it still on? My bad.” The speaker shut off with a click.

HP: “I know I don’t deserve these stupid rules made by the Durselys here on Privet Drive. I can’t take all of these Muggles, but despite all of my struggles… I’m still alive.”

“What, what year is this meant to be?” Harry asked. “Because I wouldn’t know what Muggles were if I was a first year.”

“Probably a second year, then.” Ron answered, shrugging.

HP: “I’m sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, it's September and I'm skipping this town. Hey it’s no mystery, there’s nothing here for me now… I gotta get back to Hogwarts!”

The room snorted at the lyrics. “Right to the point,” Ginny said.

HP: “I gotta get back to school! I gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool.”

Draco laughed at that. “Sure, Potter.”

HP: “Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts.”

“Speaking of, do we have any food here?” Ron asked. On the table suddenly appeared some of their favorite snacks, as well as an unfamiliar candy called ‘Red Vines’.

HP: “It’s all that I love and it’s all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, I think I'm going back.”

Harry couldn’t help but smile along with his stage counterpart.

HP: “I’ll see my friends, gonna laugh ‘till we cry. Take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky.”

“Oh, it can’t be second year, because you have your Firebolt already,” Hermione said.

“I doubt this parody will follow our exact order of events, Miss Granger,” Snape said. She shrunk back into her seat, embarrassed.

HP: “No way this year, anyone’s gonna die!”

Everyone winced at that.

HP: “And it’s gonna be totally awesome! I’ll cast some spells with a flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah bring it on! And do it all with my best friend Ron!”

Ron smiled. “I hope I don’t look too far off.”

HP: “‘Cause together we’re totally awesome!”

(Ron opens are door, pointing at the camera)

Ron: “Yeah, and it’s gonna be totally awesome!”

The room burst into laughter, except for the real Ron, who stood dumbfounded.

“That looks nothing like me! And my hair is not that orange. Right? Right?” Harry grabbed his friend’s shoulder, still laughing.

“It’s worse than mine!” He wheezed. They all took a moment to calm down.

RW: “Did somebody say Ron Weasley?”

(The boys hug.)

RW: “What’s up buddy?”

HP: “Heyyy!”

RW: “Sorry It took me so long to get here; I had to get some Floo Powder. But, uh, we gotta get going! C’mon, grab your trunk, let’s go!”

HP: “Where are we going?”

RW: “To Diagon Alley of course!”

HP: “Cool!”

Both: “Floo powder power, floo powder power, floo powder power!”

The group laughed at the ‘magic’.

“If only floo powder worked that easily,” Harry said, grimacing at the memory of the first time he had used it.

RW: “It’s been so long, but we’re going back! Don’t go for work, don’t go there for class.”

Ron raised his hands defensively as Professor Snape glared at him.

“Not my words. Musical.”

HP: “As long as we’re together,”

Both: “Gonna kick some ass! And it’s gonna be totally awesome! This year we’ll take everybody by strom. Stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm!”

“Not us!” Harry and Ron said at the same time.

Hermione: “But let’s not forget-”

“I don’t look like that!” Hermione shouted, pointing at the TV. Draco laughed.

“Your hair is even worse than Potter’s!”

HG: “- that we have to perform well in class, if we want to pass our OWLs!”

“OWLs aren’t until fifth year,” Hermione mumbled, still trying to figure out what year the musical took place in.

RW: “God, Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzzkill?”

Hermioine shoved him, smiling.

“Don’t say that about her,” Ginny said.

“Not me! I would never say that.”

HG: “Because guys, school’s not all about having fun. We need to study hard if we want to become good witches and wizards! I may be frumpy-”

“Excuse me!” She shouted at the screen.

HG: “Check out my grades, they’re A’s for a start.”

“Only A’s? I thought you were better than that, Granger.” Malfoy smirked. Hermione rolled her eyes.

“An ‘A’ is the highest grade in Muggle school. I’m sure they just did that so the audience could understand better.”

HG: “What I lack in looks-”

Hermione frowned.

HG: “-well, I make up in heart! And well guys, yeah, that’s totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot.”

RW: “That would be cool if you were actually hot.”

“I would never say that!” Ron said again.

“You don’t need to apologise for everything your character does, Mr. Weasley,” Dumbledore said reassuringly.

“I just wanted to make it clear, I’m not a bad guy. I wouldn’t say that. To anybody.”

HP: “Hey Ron, come one, we’re the only friends that she’s got.”

RW: “And that’s cool!”

HG: “And that’s totally awesome!”

All Three: “Yeah, it’s so cool, and it’s totally awesome! We’re sick of summer and this waiting around! It’s like we’re sitting in the lost-and-found!”

“What's-” Ginny began.

“Muggle thing,” Harry responded.

All Three: “Don’t take no sorcery for anyone to see how… We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school! We gotta get back to Hogwarts! Where everything is magic-coooool!”

Dumbledore smiled. “I’ve never heard the school referred to as ‘magic-cool’ before. Very sweet of them.”

All: “Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts! To goblins and ghosts and to magic feasts! It’s all that I love and it’s all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts! I think we’re goin’ back!”

The video faded to black, and the next clip began.