I
Hunger Games but it’s Romeo and Juliet
~ I ~
“Greetings children, I just got this job where I do the Hunger Games, so I don't know how to do this. I assume somebody will win, and maybe I'll give them food." Romeo stared up from the crowd of people into the eyes of the man speaking. The person who was nominated to do the Hunger Games this year was none other than his Bestie's Daddy, the prince of Verona. Verona was the place where his family lived; they possessed lots of power because they were never hungry Games, and they were also rich, which was pretty nice, so Romeo was pretty out of touch, meaning he never touched, meaning he got no maidens.
He was interrupted by his thoughts about how he was the only one here who never got maidens. He was so sad and maidenless, plus he was expected to be the coolest maiden-haver ever because his family resided over the district of bad maidens. Romeo was interrupted from his thoughts by the prince: "So, like, I guess I'm doing the hunger now.” His girlfriend, who was in the crowd, gasped because her name was Hunger. "He-he, I mean, I'm doing the hunger games now! Lol jk jk LOLOL” Everyone called him a millennial cringe and killed him.
Then they had to appoint the new hunger game doer, who was going to be two people woahsers because one person, obviously, would just be stupid. They had a hat where everyone put their names in it (nothing else), and then some dude stood over the dead body of the prince and said we were going to play bingo. We called him Boomer Cringe and also killed him. We took his name out of the hat. Then we collectively drew two names; they were, of course, the worst names they could have picked. It was Romeo and Juliet. They were of opposing families; one was from the bad maidens district, and the other was from the evangelical district. Everyone booed. Not because they would argue, but because they wanted to hear about a gay romance, not this hetero (derogatory) stuff. Ick everyone thought; at least they aren't being cringe.
"Hello,” Juliet said nicely. “Hello, maiden,” Romeo replied. Juliet hit him because only someone who was infected by the devil would say maiden. He's probably a respectable person who just so happens to be gay that my mommy warned me about. His kind are gross and are a bunch of liberal furries. "Hahaha, that's so silly that you would- why would you say that.- Hahahahahaha” she said in a weird, condescending way. “That's nice.'' Romeo said, unable to make conversation with the extremely Christian woman. "Hey, can you all stop being straight or something, and if you're going to be straight, please don't shove it in our faces, thaaaanks.” beat. "Ok, that's it. I can't with you two. Now you have to go and do the Hungary games. “Fiddlesticks!! I thought it was supposed to be in France this year! You know, I'm banned from Hungary!" Romeo said. "Obviously, I knew that, replied the person who was talking and not cringe. Then you have to try to stay alive. Not only people will be trying to kill you, but so will the government, and also the wildlife because they hate you. Wtf were you doing that made Bambi hate you?” Juliet gave the loudest side eye of her life. She was banned too. "Also, Juliet, wtf were you doing that made the trees hate you? You aren't a tree hugger, apparently, but a tree kisser, killer? And also, good luck!"
“Yippee!'' they both yelled sadly as they were shoved into a plane. They screamed as they fell into the plane turbine. "Oh," said the plane. “You're supposed to be in the other turbine for your trip to Hungary!" Romeo sighed and decided his best course of action: "Hey baby plane girl, UwU, mind if i just stay here in this turbine?'' The plane cried in disgust, and Juliet prayed. The rizzing didn't work. Obviously. Just then, Juliet jumped out of the turbine, and the turbine turned on. "Finally, I'm rid of you!!'' Romeo jumped out from behind a bush. “L + Ratio. That was my doppelgänger, OwO. I get maidens. He doesn't.” (nobody does.) Juliet cried, then got on the plane with Romeo 2.0. “Off to Hungary!” vroom, vroom. They traveled through space and time itself. Both of which called Romeo a ‘bent fag’ Romeo would fake cry at this and then try and
gaslight and manipulate people into... High…Fiving… Him. He was so maidenless. “What in the actual freeze-dried fiddle is that?” Romeo yelled. Because they were in space, the space was spacing, and the grime from the keyboard had manifested as a monster. “How am I supposed to know???” Juliet said in disbelief, still not swearing because she would never sink so low.
Juliet and Romeo simultaneously had the same idea. They went into the back of the spaceship, and found a microwave. They did the right thing. They made molten honeybuns (Romeo wished he had) and threw them at the monster, but it did no damage. Instead, it brought out its master. A discord moderator. Keyboard+honeybun+homeless=discord mod. It had been summoned. Romeo and Juliet were starting to stress out, but then they realized that the answer was obvious from the start. They sprayed cleaning solution on it, and it melted into a puddle, similar to the wicked witch of the west if she was sad and lonely and smelled of cheeto dust. (derogatory) Plane-kun flew through the bloody, cheeto-smelling organs and plummeted back to earth, but first it stopped to say hi to the rabbits that eat the octonauts when they come to the moon. They obviously threatened to kill Romeo because he was a disgrace to their world. Animals really, really hate Romeo. At least there are no trees on the moon, because then the long-skirt-wearing woman, Juliet, would be in trouble (you don't want to know). "Ew, both of you are so ugly and don't deserve my boyfriend, icky ick.” the rabbit said. “Whoa! I'm so glad that you are accepting the only correct way of scoring for the church: to have a family. Genesis 2:18. God created woman as a suitable helper for man.” Everyone stared at Juliet in disgust. “What the actual mcgucket, Juliet? Are you being homophobic right now??” everyone asked. "Well, maybe if gay people weren't so-” Juliet was cut off as the plane threw a giant piece of metal at her. That's when the plane, his rabbit girlfriend and Romeo all left together to go back to earth. The plane called in to the United States, and a few moments later, several nukes were dropped upon Juliet. Don't be homophobic, kiddos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “C’mon kids, let's go to Hungary now!!” plane-kun said.