Beyond Fear

The next morning, they decided to study for the NEWTs in the morning so they could watch movies in the afternoon and evening. They were excited about their new source of entertainment and wanted to make the most of it.

Harry decided that to make the experience complete, they should eat popcorn, just like Muggles do at the cinema. Naturally, Luna didn’t know what popcorn was, but she agreed to try it. So, Harry Apparated to the nearby town and went to a Muggle grocery store.

That afternoon, as they sat together on the couch to watch Home Alone, Harry handed Luna a bucket of popcorn.
“It smells wonderful,” she said, watching Harry put a few pieces in his mouth. Luna couldn’t quite grasp how Muggles created popcorn, but she knew she loved it.

They spent the afternoon laughing like children and eating popcorn. The movie was fantastic, and by the end, they both agreed they’d never forget their children at home.

Harry reflected that he’d never had a moment of such pure, carefree joy in his life. His childhood had been marred by mistreatment, whether with the Dursleys or at Hogwarts, where the shadow of death had always loomed over him. Harry looked at Luna, whose cheeks were flushed from smiling so much, and thought it couldn’t have been much different for her, after years of enduring bullying. He realized they were more alike than he had imagined. This discovery made him feel even more protective of her. Luna didn’t deserve everything that had happened to her, and Harry would do anything to ensure she was never mistreated again.

Throughout the week, Harry received a few letters from Ginny asking to see him again. On some evenings, he visited the Burrow. It was another responsibility to fulfill, and he wondered if he would someday be buried under the weight of so many responsibilities and obligations. He knew she would be leaving for Hogwarts the following Monday and felt he should visit her. But he couldn’t shake the feeling of relief he experienced when he returned home.

He hated leaving Luna alone, especially when they were having so much fun with the movies. He wanted to stay in that bubble, where no one expected anything from him, and he could be whoever he wanted. He could laugh uncontrollably until he cried, weep when a film was sad, or spend the day lost in thought after a movie left him reflective. He wanted to keep having funny, profound, and downright strange conversations with Luna. He wanted to be pelted with popcorn when he teased her for crying during a scene that, in his opinion, didn’t justify tears, only for her to retort, “You’re the one who brought these movies here, so it’s your fault I’m crying.” All of this while her wide eyes sparkled, and her smile was so bright it could rival the sun.

So, he would simply spend a few hours with Ginny, even though he felt out of place. Deep down, he felt immensely guilty about it and often wondered why he and Ginny couldn’t talk the way he and Luna did. When they were together, the sequence of events was always the same: argue, kiss, talk about Quidditch, kiss. Not that he minded kissing her, but sometimes he wondered when that wouldn’t be the main part of their relationship. Would they ever have something deeper?

In the end, he reminded himself that he was only eighteen and shouldn’t complain about his girlfriend wanting to kiss him. Ginny deserved a devoted boyfriend, and for so much of the war, he had wanted nothing more than to be with her.

What had changed now?

After spending a week making excuses not to go, Harry decided on Wednesday that he couldn’t put off visiting Ginny any longer.

For Merlin’s sake, she was leaving for Hogwarts on Monday.

He buried the voice in his head that made him question why he didn’t want to see her and reminded himself that she had waited for him for a year.

“Luna, I have to go see Ginny today,” he said over breakfast.

Luna didn’t look up from her bacon, which she could now eat comfortably.

“That’s fine,” she said after a pause.

Harry felt compelled to explain himself. “She’s leaving for Hogwarts on Monday, and it’s been a week since I last saw her.”

Was he nervous? Why?

“That’s fine,” she repeated without looking at him.

He felt a wave of discomfort. She was just sitting there, eating her bacon, as if nothing was happening.

A wave of annoyance swept over him.

“Is it really fine with you?” he pressed, not even sure why he was doing so.

“Why wouldn’t it be? She’s your girlfriend, isn’t she?” Now she looked at him, her eyes misty and her voice dreamy, as if she wasn’t really there.

Harry felt a pang of disappointment. She was utterly indifferent about whether he stayed or left. As if his presence didn’t matter. He didn’t want to go because he wanted to stay with her, and she didn’t care at all. A very quiet voice in his head told him he was being irrational, but he ignored it.

“Yes, she’s my girlfriend,” he snapped, unable to keep the irritation out of his voice.

“Yes, she is,” was all Luna said in her familiar soft voice before returning to her breakfast.

Harry spent the day in a whirlwind of irritation and confusion. He couldn’t understand why he was annoyed with Luna—she hadn’t done anything—but he knew her indifference had struck a nerve, though he didn’t know why.

She couldn’t stop him from going, could she? He wondered what he would do if she asked him not to go… The answer was too obvious for the sake of his relationship.

After breakfast, he tried to study but struggled. In the afternoon, instead of sitting down to watch a movie as they had done every day that week, he told Luna he was going to the garden and left her alone in the living room. Harry thought working in the garden would do him good, but he only grew more frustrated when Luna didn’t say anything. Some time later, after he had nearly destroyed the tomato patch, he heard the sound of the television and realized she was watching a movie without him. Harry knew he was being irrational but refused to go back inside.

As the time to leave for the Burrow approached, he came in from the garden and found Luna reading a book—the movie was already over.

He walked past her in silence and went to the kitchen to prepare sandwiches for dinner. Then, he decided to leave as early as possible and have dinner at the Burrow. His worry about leaving her alone for longer screamed at him, but he didn’t listen.

When he was ready to leave, he brought the sandwiches to the living room and told Luna he would be having dinner at the Burrow. He avoided making eye contact, but he could feel her gaze piercing him. He knew he was behaving poorly but couldn’t stop his irritation.

Harry was about to step into the Floo when he heard Luna’s voice behind him.

“You can’t blame me for not wanting to go, for not understanding why you feel this way, and for being confused about it.” Her voice was low and soft.

Harry froze, rooted to the spot. How did she always manage to do this? Always knowing what he was feeling or thinking, reading him like an open book. He didn’t want to admit she was right, because that would carry implications he wasn’t ready to face.

“What makes you think I don’t want to go?” His voice came out laced with sarcasm.

“I can see you, Harry,” she said, ignoring his tone.

“Well, I think you’re seeing wrong. I want to see my girlfriend, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you? You don’t have one, do you?!” The words spilled out, and as soon as they did, he regretted them. He had just said Luna was alone.

Luna’s only reaction was to blink twice.

“Luna… I…” Harry started, wanting to apologize.

“You’re right, Harry. I really wouldn’t know. I’m sorry.” Her voice was so soft and kind that Harry wanted to shrink into himself. He was such an idiot. “Now go. You wouldn’t want to miss dinner.” She returned to her book.

Harry stood there for a moment, looking at her. His anger had evaporated, replaced by deep shame for his behavior. Luna’s gentle reaction only made him feel worse. He was used to arguments, shouting, and accusations.

He buried the voice in his head questioning why he didn’t want to see her and reminded himself that she had waited for him for a year.

Realizing she had ended the conversations, he stepped into the Floo and left for the Burrow.

When Harry left through the Floo, Luna set her book down and took a deep breath, her eyes filling with tears. He was right. She had no one—no boyfriend, no family. But before she could fall into despair, she felt her belly flutter, as if her babies were reminding her she wasn’t alone anymore. Luna gently stroked her belly and let a few tears fall.

"Yes, my loves, Mommy isn´t alone anymore."

When Harry arrived at the Burrow, the first thing he felt was Ginny’s crushing hug.

“I missed you so much,” she whispered in his ear.

“Me too,” he replied reflexively.

“Come on, everyone’s in the kitchen.” She pulled him by the hand.

Harry walked into the kitchen, where Molly and Arthur were already seated alongside Ron and Hermione, who were chatting with George. Everyone greeted Harry warmly as he sat next to Ginny.

When Hermione asked about Luna, Harry’s heart clenched even tighter than before. He had spent the entire day ignoring her, angry about something that wasn’t her fault, and then he had thrown it in her face that she was alone while he had someone. It was so cruel and petty. After that, he had left her alone. What an idiot he was. He didn’t deserve the respect and loyalty Luna always showed him without ever asking for anything in return. On top of that, he knew her pregnancy hormones made her more vulnerable, so she could very well be crying right now.

With that last thought, Harry stood up from the table without thinking. Everyone looked at him in astonishment.

Great.

“Sorry, I just remembered something really important. I can’t stay.” He was already stepping away from the chair toward the Floo, but Ginny grabbed his arm.

“Why can’t you stay? We’ve barely seen each other, and I’m leaving for Hogwarts.”

It had only been four days, but even so, he felt a pang of guilt. However, he needed to get back to Luna.

“Sorry, Ginny, but I really can’t stay.”

Her eyes dimmed, and her face twisted into a scowl. He knew she was about to start a fight, but he didn’t have time for that.

“Why don’t you come for dinner on Sunday? You could bring Luna, so we can all say goodbye,” Molly intervened, clearly sensing Ginny’s rising anger.

“Fine.” Harry relented, not wanting to delay his departure any further. “Good night, everyone.” He turned and left, not before noticing Hermione watching him with narrowed eyes, as if she knew something.

Harry stepped into the Floo, silently praying he could fix things with Luna. He knew his impulsiveness, which had often saved his life, might one day ruin everything. Luna was one of his best friends and incredibly important to him. Now that he thought about it, she occupied a place of significance in his life even above Ron and Hermione—she was the mother of his children.

When Harry stepped out of the fireplace, he saw Luna sitting in the same position as when he left. The difference was that the book lay beside her now, and she had both hands on her belly, stroking it lovingly. She was so focused on her belly that she didn’t hear Harry enter the room. He stopped, watching her, and realized she was telling herself she wasn’t alone because she had her babies. A lump formed in his throat, and Harry...

“Luna…” he called softly, careful not to startle her. When she looked up, Harry's heart sank to his feet. Her eyes were red from crying, yet she offered him a gentle smile.

“Hello, Harry,” she said as though her eyes weren’t red from crying because of him.

Harry wanted to fall at her feet and beg for forgiveness. How could he have done this to someone so sweet and kind?

Harry walked over to where Luna was sitting and knelt in front of her. He gently took her hand, watching for her reaction and expecting her to pull away, but she didn’t.

“I’m so sorry, Luna. I truly am. Please forgive me. What I implied was horrible and a lie. You’re not alone. You have me—always—you have the babies, Neville, Hermione, and the Weasleys.”

Harry began stroking her hands with his thumbs. He looked into her eyes and saw the silver orbs fill with tears. Letting go of one of her hands, he cupped her cheek and caressed it gently.

“Don’t cry, Lu.” Harry felt his own eyes sting; he was so deeply regretful. “You were right. I didn’t want to go, but I felt so confused because I’d rather stay here with you. I feel safe here. I’m so sorry for being such an idiot to you. Can you forgive me?” There was a pleading tone in his voice, and he didn’t care.

“Of course, I forgive you, silly.” She smiled at him with such warmth that Harry felt his heart swell and race at the same time. “I know you, Harry Potter. You would never be intentionally cruel.”

The next thing he knew, he was hugging her as if his life depended on it. Luna was the best person he had ever known. He had been cruel to her, yet here she was, telling him he would never do it intentionally. She forgave him with an open heart. To some extent, Harry wanted to tell her to be tougher on him, to let him suffer, but this was Luna—his Luna—she was kind and compassionate.

“Thank you, Lu. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I was horrible to you,” he said, still holding her in the embrace.

“You’re my best friend, Harry Potter. I will always forgive you, and you came back—you’re here now,” she said while running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Harry’s heart beat wildly at her declaration. He wanted to keep her in his arms forever.

When the hug ended, they looked at each other with wide, beaming smiles.

“I’ll tell you what we’re going to do: we’ll eat those sandwiches, then put on a movie, and you’ll rest your head on my lap while I stroke your hair during the film.”

“That sounds like an excellent plan.” She offered him a bright smile.

As they ate their sandwiches and debated what movie to watch, Luna commented, “I thought you were having dinner at the Burrow.”

“I was, but I couldn’t stay there without apologizing to you,” he admitted shyly, running a hand over the back of his neck.

“Ginny must’ve been upset,” Luna observed.

Harry grimaced. “She was, but you were my priority.” He hadn’t planned to say that, but he realized it was the truth. Luna was his priority above everyone else. Perhaps that was wrong, but it was the truth.

Shaking off his thoughts, he continued the conversation. “Molly’s hosting a farewell dinner Sunday night, and she invited us. Would you like to go? We can stay just for dinner so you don’t get too tired, and I can use the Floo while carrying you.”

“Alright, we can go, but I think I can walk,” Luna said, her heart racing as she replayed the part where he said she was his priority.

“No, I’ll carry you. You’ll already be sitting in an uncomfortable chair for a while. Better not overdo it.”

Luna would never tell Harry, but when he was bossy in his efforts to take care of her, he looked infinitely handsome and endearing.

After finishing dinner and choosing the movie (Jurassic Park), they settled on the couch. Harry kept his promise, spending the entire film with his hands in Luna’s hair, gently stroking it—even during the movie’s more intense moments.

It had become a habit for Harry to watch Luna’s face during the movie to see her reactions. Despite her usual dreamy expression, Luna was very expressive while watching films, and Harry found it wonderful to observe her.

When the movie ended, they spent a long time debating the existence of dinosaurs and whether they were dangerous. Harry believed they were highly dangerous creatures, while Luna argued they were gentle and misunderstood.

After the debate, they went to bed, and this time, they didn’t sleep apart. Harry held Luna, letting her rest against his chest, stroking her strawberry-scented hair until she fell asleep. Harry watched the peaceful and gentle aura she exuded even in sleep and hated himself all over again for having hurt her. Before sleep claimed him, his last thought was that he was exactly where he belonged.