Beyond Fear

The Next Morning.

Harry had just finished his shower when he heard the sound of vomiting. He rushed to Luna's room, barefoot and with his hair still dripping, only to find her bed empty.

"Luna?"

The sound of retching indicated she was already in the bathroom. He headed there and found her sitting on the stool, struggling to push her hair out of her face. He walked over to her and gently held her hair back.

He was still a bit upset that she had refused his help the day before and had decided he would only do what she asked from now on. It was childish, he admitted, but he thought it was justified. However, the moment he heard her throwing up, he forgot all about his resolve.

After helping her wash her face and settle back into bed, he noticed how pale she looked.

“Luna… are you okay?”

“Just a little weak since I threw up what little was in my stomach.”

“I didn’t wake you up for dinner last night because you seemed to be resting.” He was still a bit annoyed with himself for that decision and now felt guilty. “Do you want breakfast? I can make whatever you want.”

“Yes, I’d like that. Scrambled eggs with toast, please?”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.” He was already at the door when she called out to him.

“Harry!” He turned to her.

“Thank you.” Her voice was soft and kind. He realized he loved hearing her say his name.

“No problem.” He smiled back at her and headed downstairs to make breakfast.

A few minutes later, he returned with a tray holding tea, scrambled eggs, toast, and jam. He placed it beside her on the bed.

“Have you eaten yet?” she asked.

“No, I was in the shower when I heard you in the bathroom. I wanted to be quick, so I only made yours. I’ll prepare mine afterward.” His smile was sheepish.

“I know I’m eating for three, but I think this breakfast could feed five. Sit with me and eat, too.” She smiled at him warmly.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to go hungry.”

“I’m sure, Harry.” She handed him a piece of toast. So he sat beside her on the bed, and they started eating in silence. It wasn’t an awkward or heavy silence; rather, it felt as if they had been sharing breakfast in bed for a lifetime.

Then he asked the question that had been on his mind since the previous evening. “What were you and Neville talking about yesterday? He took a while upstairs.” He avoided looking at her, trying to sound casual.

“We were talking about Hogwarts and the mental healer he recommended to me.”

“You’re seeing a mental healer?” Harry asked, genuinely surprised.

“I’ve only had a few sessions, but I liked her, so I’m trying to convince her to come here for the next ones.”

“That’s wonderful, Luna.” Harry was sincerely happy for her.

“It could be good for you, too. We’ve been through so much.” She reached out and squeezed his free hand.

“Maybe. I’ll think about it.” He wasn’t sure if he could open up to a stranger.

“I hope you had time to talk with Ginny. I know I might be disrupting your time together.” Despite the jealousy she had felt the night before, she wanted Harry to be happy. If spending more time with Ginny made him happy, then so be it.

“Is that why you didn’t let me come upstairs with you? So I could have more time with Ginny?” His green eyes were now fully focused on hers, and every time he did that, she felt butterflies in her stomach.

“Yes.” That was all she said. It wasn’t the full truth, but it wasn’t a lie either.

They continued staring at each other. Harry didn’t know what to say. He knew he should thank her, but he didn’t like the idea of her thinking he preferred Ginny over her. Sure, Ginny was his girlfriend, but Luna was one of his best friends and his priority at the moment.

“Thank you, Luna, but don’t do that again. You’re my priority.” He included the babies in that statement because saying she was his priority alone might have been too much.

“I want you to be happy, Harry. I don’t want you stuck here with me.” Harry looked into her sincere eyes, and this time, he held her hand.

“Luna, I’m happy when I’m taking care of you. I’m not stuck here; I’m here with you.” Luna felt her eyes well up with tears and cursed her pregnancy hormones once again.

“I hate these pregnancy hormones!” They laughed together and finished their breakfast.

After Harry cleared the tray and cleaned up, he went back upstairs.

“Do you need anything? A book? Or would you like to go downstairs?” he asked, stopping at the doorway.

“Actually, I think I’d like to take a shower.” Her cheeks were slightly pink. Luna’s mother had taught her there was no shame in their bodies, so she didn’t mind Harry seeing hers. But she knew he had a girlfriend and that he was only doing this to help.

“Oh!” Unlike Luna, Harry turned bright red. “Of course! I’ll help you.”

“Can you grab the white dress with flowers from the wardrobe?” She didn’t ask for underwear explicitly, but she hoped he’d grab it anyway.

“Sure!” He quickly retrieved the dress and, without a word, opened the top drawer and grabbed a pair of pink panties.

She stood up, and he was instantly beside her, his hand on her waist.

“I can carry you,” he suggested.

“Actually, I think I should walk so I can get used to it. I’ve been needing to use the bathroom more at night.”

“Okay, but if you need me, I’ll carry you every time.”

“Harry, I’m not waking you up in the middle of the night just because I need to pee.” She was laughing now.

When they entered the bathroom, Luna pulled her dress over her head, leaving her breasts exposed since she wasn’t wearing a bra. Once again, Harry found himself facing a nearly naked Luna, doing everything he could not to look at her wonderful breasts. Trembling slightly, he knelt in front of her and started sliding her panties down.

This was torture, he thought. How could he not look at her?

To avoid getting a furious erection, he thought about Snape’s greasy hair. It helped. A little. Then he helped her into the shower and rushed to her room, opening the window to take a deep breath of fresh air.

He squeezed his eyes shut, but the image of her remained: long blonde hair cascading to her waist, round breasts with pink nipples, the golden hair between her legs, her pregnant belly.

He was definitely hard now. Bloody hell! He was aroused because of Luna Lovegood, his friend Luna Lovegood.

He really needed to take up Ginny’s offer for sex. Maybe that would help him get his mind off what he shouldn’t be thinking about. Doing this every day was going to kill him. He truly deserved a trophy: The Boy Who Survived His Naked Friend.

He wondered how Luna could stand there, naked, in front of him. She didn’t show any nervousness or even shyness. The only obvious explanation was that she felt nothing for Harry beyond friendship; thus, she wouldn’t feel embarrassed accepting his help, as his presence during her nakedness wouldn’t unsettle her. Although Harry was glad this wasn’t a moment of awkwardness for her—especially after what she’d endured—he couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment. Once again, he found himself grappling with an emotion he couldn’t quite explain. He was getting good at that.

He felt ashamed of himself for reacting that way, for getting aroused when Luna clearly needed help. He also had a girlfriend; this was entirely unacceptable.

Harry heard the shower turn off and braced himself again. He needed to stay in control or risk ruining everything—and this was only the third day of living with Luna.

He walked to the bathroom. This time, Luna was wrapped in a towel when he entered, which came as a relief.

"Ready? I’ll help you back to the bedroom."

"Yes, thank you." She took his outstretched hand, and he helped her step out of the shower, then slid his hand around her waist.

When they reached the bedroom, she stood by the bed and let the towel fall.

Luna noticed that Harry was focusing on anything but her. This only confirmed her suspicion that he indeed saw her purely as a friend, meaning zero attraction. Even though she wasn’t trying to attract him, the situation felt awkward for both of them. But he was an 18-year-old man with raging hormones. His lack of desire and what she perceived as indifference reminded Luna, for a fleeting moment, of Malfoy and how he treated her like she was nothing. The memory made her stomach turn, and her body shuddered. She instinctively wrapped herself in the towel again.

Harry noticed the shift in her demeanor and looked at her.

"Luna… what’s wrong?" His concern was evident.

"Can you leave me alone?" Luna’s voice was trembling and so soft that Harry only heard it because he was close.

"Luna, what’s happening? Let me help you." He searched her eyes for an answer, but there was nothing there but emptiness. An emptiness he had seen only once before—in her eyes the night she told him everything about what had happened at Malfoy Manor. Realization dawned, and he took a step back.

"Please." The tremble in her voice broke Harry’s heart. Fighting against his instinct to protect her, he turned and left the room.

Luna grabbed her wand from the nightstand and waved it to lock the door. Then she silenced the room and curled up on the bed, crying for what felt like hours. She was so tired of everything. She dreamt about it every night, with no reprieve. Malfoy Manor had not only broken her body but also shattered her spirit. She felt fragmented into millions of pieces, convinced she could never piece herself together again. She would never again be that sweet, innocent Luna she missed so dearly. So, she cried for that Luna who was gone.

This new Luna had flashbacks during innocent moments, didn’t know who she was anymore, hated what she once loved, and felt so small.

She lay there curled up, lost within herself. The only thing that stopped her from wishing for death was running her hand over her belly and feeling the two babies growing inside her.

Meanwhile, Harry sat despondently on the sofa, feeling utterly helpless. He had seen Luna close the door and knew she had silenced the room. He hated sitting there, leaving her alone. Once again, he wanted to kill Malfoy, even though he had already done so. Harry didn’t know what had triggered her flashback but felt sick at the thought that it might have been something he did. Yet, he was sure he had treated her respectfully.

Harry raked a hand through his hair, trying to distract himself—cleaning the kitchen that was already spotless, tidying the living room, reading a book, thinking about lunch. Nothing, absolutely nothing, eased his nervous energy.

When he glanced at the clock, two hours had passed. He decided he couldn’t wait any longer. Many times, he thought he wanted to be alone, only for Luna to appear and prove he needed someone to talk to. He climbed the stairs and knocked softly on the door.

Luna heard the gentle knock but only registered it as coming from the door when she heard Harry’s voice.

"Luna… are you okay?" His voice was kind and soft, squeezing her heart, but she didn’t respond.

"Luna, please, let me in." She didn’t know if it was the kindness in his voice or the sudden longing for someone to be with her, but she picked up her wand and unlocked the door. However, she returned to her curled-up position in the middle of the bed. She heard Harry’s footsteps enter, and then the room grew quiet again. She stared vacantly out the window.

Harry looked at Luna’s curled-up form, still wrapped in the towel. His heart ached for her. She seemed so small and vulnerable. He felt an overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around her. Before he realized what he was doing, he climbed onto the bed and lay behind her. He touched her cautiously, afraid of startling her, but she remained still. He moved closer, slid his arm around her waist, and gently pulled her back until her body rested against his chest, mirroring how she had held him when he couldn’t get out of bed after the war. Harry inhaled the strawberry scent of her hair and tightened his embrace. After a few moments, she yielded and relaxed against him. She didn’t make a sound, but he knew she was crying again.

Luna felt his arms around her and realized that, more than being alone, she wanted to be held. Harry’s arms around her had the power to heal her, even if just a little. His scent filled her senses, and she felt incredibly safe in those arms. Tears welled up in her eyes again, and she let herself cry while wrapped in him. This time, the tears hurt less. They lay there spooning for a long time—Luna leaning on Harry’s strength and Harry trying to show her that he was there for her, that she wasn’t alone.

When her tears finally stopped and silence returned, Luna turned to face Harry. He felt a knot in his stomach when he saw her red, puffy eyes. Those shining, dreamy eyes that always seemed to read Harry’s soul shouldn’t be red from crying. He hated it. The small smile she gave him tugged at his heart. Harry raised a hand and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, his hand immediately returning to encircle her. They stared at each other. They could feel each other’s breath but didn’t mind the closeness. In fact, it was comforting to be there together.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Harry’s voice was low, as if he didn’t want to scare a bird away.

Luna glanced at his lips and remembered how wonderful they felt on hers. They were so close; she would only need to lean in a little. She closed her eyes for a moment to focus. She couldn’t kiss him; it wouldn’t be right, and he would be upset with her.

She focused on the question. Everyone knew Luna was painfully honest, and this time was no different.

"I had a flashback."

"Was it something I did?" Harry looked pained by the thought.

"Not really. I realized you weren’t attracted to me, and I don’t mean that you should be—I know you’re with Ginny—but it reminded me of how Malfoy treated me like I was nothing."

Harry stayed silent, and she noticed his cheeks turning red. She lifted her hand and placed it on his cheek, caressing it with her thumb.

"It’s okay, Harry. It was a silly thing, but it seems like the memories hit me hardest during innocent moments like this. Please don’t feel responsible."

She assumed the redness in his cheeks was guilt, but the truth was, Harry was shocked by her honesty and unsure if he should tell her that he was attracted to her. Would it make things awkward between them? What would she think of him? After all, she had just reminded him that he was with Ginny.

Harry sighed. "Alright." He didn’t have the courage to say more. "Do you want to get up now? I can make us some lunch." He tried to give her a cheerful smile. Luna just looked at him with those big, bright eyes. He felt like she was reading his soul.

"Yes, that’s a good idea."

But they kept staring at each other. It was Harry who broke the gaze and started to get up. Then he extended a hand to her. Luna stood and let the towel fall. Harry bit the inside of his cheek and picked up her underwear. He knelt in front of her and began sliding it up her legs, his knuckles brushing against her skin. Her skin reacted with goosebumps, and the sight sent a shiver down his spine. Swallowing hard, he finished pulling up the underwear and looked up. Despite her pregnant belly, he could see her nipples harden.

Damn it! He wanted to put his mouth on her.

Immediately, guilt consumed him again. He was with Ginny; she deserved his respect. He stood up, avoiding looking at her chest.

"Do you need help with the dress?" His voice was rough.

"Yes, if you could tie the back for me." Luna picked up the white dress and slipped it over her head. The hem, adorned with flowers, reached her shins. The dress had thin straps, a straight neckline, and required a bow to be tied at the back. When Harry finished tying it and Luna turned to face him, his eyes immediately went to her neckline. The neckline was simple and even innocent, but the issue was that Luna’s breasts seemed as though they were about to spill out, and the outline of her nipples was visible through the fabric. Harry realized he was staring and quickly looked at her face, feeling his ears burn (was he going to spend the entire day like this?). Luna glanced down at her own neckline for a moment before looking back at Harry.

"Well, I suppose my breasts have grown a bit; soon none of my clothes will fit." She spoke so casually, as if she weren’t discussing something so erotic (at least for Harry).

"Well, if they grow any more, they’ll pop right out of that dress." Harry’s eyes widened; he had just said out loud what he was thinking. He looked at Luna, expecting her to be angry, but she only stared at him for a second before bursting into laughter. Her laughter was infectious, and soon they were both laughing together.

"We’ll have to buy new clothes, then," she concluded after they stopped laughing.

With that, Harry scooped her up in his arms, and she nestled into him. They went downstairs to the living room, where Harry gently placed her on the sofa.

At the window, there was an owl Harry recognized as Hermione’s. He walked over, removed the letter from its leg, and gave it some treats.

"The letter is for you." Harry handed it to Luna, who immediately opened it.

"Ah! It’s our study schedule. It looks great and starts today."

"Hermione didn’t waste any time," Harry said with a touch of sarcasm.