Beyond Fear

On Wednesday, Harry went to the city with Ginny to buy a few things at Molly’s request. When they were leaving the butcher’s market, Harry spotted Luna walking by. She had her hair down and was wearing a floral dress he had never seen before, but it reminded him of when he used to see her wandering barefoot across the Hogwarts lawns. She looked beautiful.

“Hey, Luna!” He called out, pulling Ginny by the hand to go over to where Luna was.

Luna smiled when she saw him approach. How could she be so beautiful when she smiled? He wondered, stunned, because this was the second time that week he had thought that about her. Back at Hogwarts, he had never considered her beautiful; in fact, he hadn't really thought about her appearance at all, except that she was eccentric.

“Hello Harry and Ginny! How are you?” Her voice was soft, as always.

“Hi.” Ginny said curtly.

“We’re good, just buying a few things Mrs. Weasley asked for. How about you?” He smiled at her.

“I’m buying paint, I decided to start painting the walls. They’re too white.” She seemed excited. Luna had always loved painting, and this could be great for her emotional recovery.

“That’s a great idea, Luna. If you need help, let me know.” He had no experience with that, but he would like to try. He always felt better when he was around her.

“Thanks, Harry. That’s very kind of you.” She smiled softly, then seemed to remember something. “Oh! It was good running into you, I needed to talk to you. On Friday…” But before she could continue, Ginny interrupted the conversation for the first time.

“We have a date on Friday, we’re going to Muggle London.” She said, stepping closer to Harry and looking firmly at Luna.

Immediately, Harry felt embarrassed by her possessive behavior.

Luna, for a moment, stared silently at her with those eyes that seemed to read the soul. He decided to interrupt.

“What did you need to say, Luna?”

She blinked a few times, which was unusual since her ability was to not blink for long periods.

“Ah, nothing important.” She blinked again.

“But you had something to say.” He insisted.

She was silent for a while. “It’s... it’s just that Neville is coming on Saturday to help with the garden, if you want to join us... you and Ginny.” She added at the end.

“Aah... yes, I’ll be there.” He felt a slight disappointment, thinking that she might have wanted to say something more important. He just didn’t know what.

“We should go now, Harry, Mom is waiting.” Ginny had already started pulling him.

“Sure. Bye, Luna, we’ll see you on Saturday.” He tried to smile, despite Ginny’s attitude.

Luna just stood there watching him. And all he could think about was how he wanted to stay there with her.

Luna was lying on the grass, staring at the stars while gently stroking her belly. Her thoughts were fixed on the encounter with Harry and Ginny earlier. It was clear that Ginny didn’t want to see her, nor did she like the idea of Harry being by her side. Luna could understand—after all, the situation was delicate and full of complications. However, she no longer had the innocence to believe that Ginny would ever get past this.

Harry wanted the baby, Luna was sure of that, but he had also chosen to stay with Ginny. And deep down, Luna knew that this wouldn’t end well. Ginny was too intense, possessive since their days at Hogwarts, and her obsession with Harry had never been a secret. Luna feared that, with time, Harry would distance himself from her and, worse, from the child.

The thought troubled her deeply. Would the baby be truly accepted into their lives when Harry married Ginny? Would he have a place in that future she couldn’t control? Feeling the weight of doubt, Luna instinctively wrapped her arms around her belly, as if she could protect him from all the uncertainties in the world.

When Harry had his own children with Ginny, what would be the place for her baby?

She knew Harry’s honor and loyalty—he would always be there for his child—but she also knew that his girlfriend wouldn’t make it easy. Worse still, when the papers found out about Harry’s bastard child, how would they treat this innocent baby?

That morning, Luna wanted to tell Harry that her first appointment with the healer was on Friday. He had said he wanted to come, but after Ginny interrupted, she didn’t want to complicate his life further. She didn’t want to be in between him and his school crush. He had helped her so much at Shell Cottage and had always been a kind friend at Hogwarts.

No, she wouldn’t make his life harder.

This baby was hers, she would take care of him, she would manage it alone. She always had. Since her mother died, she had to learn to take care of herself in the face of her father’s pain. And now, he had abandoned her for good.

The stars seemed farther away than ever. The tears came before her words, silent and heavy, running down her pale face.

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered, her voice trembling, almost inaudible. Her fingers gently pressed against her belly, as if seeking a physical connection with the little one growing inside her. “I’m so alone. I just want you to know... that I’m trying. Trying to be strong for you.”

The moonlight illuminated her wet face, and the warm coldness seemed to crawl along her skin, like a reminder of the vastness of the world and how insignificant she felt at that moment. “Help me not to fail you,” she pleaded, almost desperately. “Because... I have no one else. Just you. And you only have me.”

The silence around her seemed to darken, heavy and relentless. Closing her eyes, she pressed her hand harder against her belly. “I promise,” she murmured, more to herself than to the baby. “I promise that no matter how much it hurts, no matter how dark it seems... I won’t give up on you. You will never be as alone as I am right now.”

The moon continued to watch her from afar, indifferent, as Luna remained there, lost between the fragility and strength that arose from her despair. Tightening her arms around herself, she looked up at the stars again.

“Mom, I feel so alone and small. This darkness inside me seems to consume me.” Her tears fell uncontrollably. “When will this pain stop?”

On the day of the appointment, Luna was consumed by fear and anxiety. What if something was wrong with the baby? Would it be her fault for taking so long to seek help? She knew nothing about pregnancy. Maybe it was time to start studying the subject. She decided that after the appointment, she would go to Diagon Alley to buy some books to better inform herself.

She was pacing back and forth in the room, waiting for the time to go, when the doorbell rang. She rushed to answer, grateful for the distraction, even though she wasn’t expecting anyone.

Neville was smiling and had many bags and boxes around him.

“I know we agreed on tomorrow to continue with the garden, but I decided to stop by today to drop off these things.” Neville had always loved Herbology; it was clear from the sparkle in his eyes.

She let him in and allowed him to place everything in the entryway.

“You look ready to go.” He commented, looking at her outfit.

“Yes, today is the first appointment for the baby.” And because she had decided she could trust Neville: “I’m so nervous, what if something is wrong with him? What if it’s my fault for taking so long to see a doctor?”

She walked into the room, pacing back and forth. Even she knew this behavior was unusual for her. She had always been calm and optimistic, it seemed like even that had been taken by the war.

Neville walked over to her and took her hands.

“Luna, you’re going to the appointment now and you’ll see that everything is fine. We were in a war; you were just trying to survive everything you went through. Stop blaming yourself. You’re doing your best.”

Luna took a deep breath and tried to internalize her friend’s words. Somehow, his words calmed her soul a bit.

“Where’s Harry? He said he’d come with you.”

“He’s not coming.” Luna couldn’t hide the sadness in her voice.

“What? Why?” Neville was confused.

Luna took a deep breath. It seemed like she had been doing a lot of that lately.

“I didn’t tell him.”

“Luna, why didn’t you tell him? Harry said he wanted to go with you.” Neville’s voice held some warning.

“I was going to tell him, but Ginny was quicker to say they had a date today. So I didn’t want to disturb them... more than I already have. She seems pretty angry with me.”

“Ginny can be very temperamental, especially when it comes to Harry.” There was understanding in his voice. “But this baby is more important than any date.”

“I know, but I want Harry to be happy. He’s done so much for me.”

Neville nodded, knowing he couldn’t make her change her mind.

“I can go with you,” he suggested, after a moment of silence.

"Really? You don't have to feel sorry for me."

"I don't feel sorry for you, I'm your friend and I think it's important to have someone with you at this time." Neville squeezed Luna's hand to emphasize his words. "You're not alone."

Luna held back the urge to cry.

Honestly, these hormones were going to drain every last tear from her body.

"Thank you." Her voice was thick.

Until that moment, she hadn't realized that part of her anxiety was because she was doing this alone. Luna felt so grateful for Neville's friendship.

"Don't thank me, you'll have to buy me an ice cream later!"

She smiled genuinely for the first time that day. "Deal."

After Neville and Luna used the Flu to travel to St. Mungo’s, they were directed to a waiting room, where several pregnant women were sitting. It didn’t take long before Luna was called by the healer who would attend her. Luna held Neville’s hand, hoping that his presence would provide the comfort she needed. However, for a moment, she missed Harry and almost regretted not telling him about the appointment.

"Good morning, Miss Lovegood. Please sit on that bed, we will do some basic checks for the early stages of your pregnancy."

Luna sat on the table, uneasy. "I’m worried I didn’t come sooner." She spoke nervously.

"When was your last cycle?"

Neville looked even redder, not having expected some of the personal questions. Luna seemed not to notice her friend's discomfort.

"April. I confirmed it on April 25th."

"Your pregnancy is very recent, there’s no need to worry about not coming sooner. Although we recommend that you visit as soon as you find out, we know that was a very difficult time for the entire country."

The healer was a kind man, and his words calmed Luna. He began doing some exams, asking more questions and taking notes. After some time, he finished.

"You two can rest now, your baby, though very small, is perfectly fine."

Luna felt such relief that some tears fell. She hadn't realized she had been holding her breath the whole time, but then she noticed that the healer assumed Neville was the father of the baby.

"He’s not the father, he’s just a friend accompanying me."

If the healer was surprised, he didn’t show it.

"Do you know who the father is?" he asked while taking a note.

Luna felt a blush rise in her cheeks. "Yes, I do."

"Great, I’m asking just in case any genetic questions come up."

"Okay."

"Well, Miss Lovegood, your baby is fine, but you need to gain some more weight. A pregnancy requires a lot from a witch, and your weight is below healthy levels. I know you mentioned you've been feeling nauseous, and unfortunately, the frequency of nausea can increase in these first months, but you need to ensure that your body can supply enough vitamins and nutrients for the baby. I’ll prescribe something for you to take, but you must improve your diet."

"Luna spent many months locked in a dungeon, which is why she lost weight, but we will help her with that." Neville interrupted, seeming to know Luna would start blaming herself for being thin.

The healer softened his features even more but just nodded in agreement.

"The baby's sex cannot be seen yet, but we will likely be able to determine that at your next visit. Also, we predict your delivery will happen at the end of January."

After the appointment, Luna felt as though a weight had lifted from her heart, and she was happy to know her baby was fine. She knew she was just a teenager, but she would do everything to protect and love her baby. He was proof to her that love and kindness still existed in the world, and that was all she needed.

She and Neville walked to Diagon Alley so she could buy some books, and then they sat down to have an ice cream. It was clear that some shops were still closed, but most had been rebuilt. Magic was a blessing. After a while, they enjoyed their ice creams in silence (Neville’s was just chocolate, while Luna’s had all the weirdest flavors they had, including every flavor of beans).

"Luna, do you remember the last time I helped you in the garden and went out for a date with my grandmother?"

"Yes."

"Actually, I’ve been seeing a mental healer. Everything that happened last year was really hard for me, and there were times after it ended when I thought I wouldn’t survive the memories."

Luna noticed his eyes glisten with tears, so she placed her hand on top of his on the table, trying to offer some comfort.

"Going to the mental healer has been really important to start overcoming what happened. I’m telling you this because I’d like to give you her contact. I truly believe you would benefit from visiting her."

The first thought that crossed Luna’s mind was to say that she was fine and didn’t need a mental healer. But then she remembered her nights of nightmares and her depressed days, and realized that it wouldn’t be good for the baby.

"I’ll accept the contact, Nev." She smiled weakly.

"Really?! That’s great!! I thought it would be harder to convince you." He smiled widely.

"I’ll do it for the baby. I know that the way I am won’t be good for him." They sat in silence. "Maybe one day I’ll continue just for myself." She reflected quietly.

Harry woke up on Friday with a strange feeling that stayed with him all day. He and Ginny went to London after breakfast, and she was radiant, holding his hand and talking incessantly. Harry was happy to see her so joyful, enjoying herself, and he even managed to get excited about some of the beautiful places they visited. However, that persistent feeling, as though he was missing something important, never left him.

His mind occasionally wandered to Luna and the last conversation they had. He could still see her smile, a smile that seemed frozen, lifeless, when Ginny mentioned their date. But soon, Harry convinced himself he was just making up meaningless assumptions. Yet, as they passed certain places, he found himself thinking that Luna would have loved to be there, and that maybe it was something he should have planned for her. He imagined what it would be like to be in those places with her and her baby.

Sometimes, Ginny had to call him more than once to get his attention, which started to irritate her as the day went on. Harry, on the other hand, felt frustrated with himself for not being 100% present with his girlfriend, feeling guilty for letting his mind wander elsewhere. He tried to convince himself that his thoughts about Luna were simply reflections of his responsibility as a father, but he couldn’t shake that feeling.

Despite this, walking through London with Ginny, holding hands, without the constant worry of an impending war, felt like a freedom Harry had never experienced. For the first time in a long while, he felt like a normal teenager. Ginny was radiant, lively, and full of humor, always managing to get laughs out of him. Even with his thoughts drifting away throughout the day, the outing was, in some ways, enjoyable. Until they passed a baby store, and Harry felt an urge to buy something for the baby.

"Harry, we’re on a date. Reminding me all the time that you’re having a baby with someone else is the opposite of what we should be doing here," Ginny’s voice sounded harsh, with a reproachful tone that immediately reminded him of Molly scolding the twins. Harry didn’t like it one bit.

"I’m not here to forget that I’m going to be a father," he replied, frowning. "We’ve spent the whole day doing what you wanted, I don’t see the problem in going in for just a few minutes." He didn’t wait for a response, feeling like he was on the verge of exploding in an argument in the middle of the street. Before that could happen, he entered the store.

Every little detail in the store seemed to make Harry’s heart overflow with love. Even with the rising tension with Ginny, those clothes and toys had a calming effect on him, making him imagine what it would be like to hold his baby in his arms, whether it was a boy or a girl. He felt an almost uncontrollable urge to buy everything he saw, but he restrained himself, buying only a onesie and a stuffed animal. When Ginny saw the onesie with the words "I love my mom and dad," her face hardened even more.

After leaving the store, they walked in silence to the apparition point. Before Harry had time to grab Ginny’s hand, she had already apparated by herself. For a brief moment, he thought about going to Luna’s house, but he quickly corrected himself, thinking it wouldn’t be a good idea.

That night’s dinner was marked by Molly’s discomfort, as she cast curious glances at Harry and Ginny, as though she knew something had happened. Ginny was sulking, and Harry pretended not to notice, focusing on his meal. Although he thought Ginny’s behavior was childish and saw no reason to apologize, he couldn’t shake the small weight of guilt for not giving her his full attention at certain moments throughout the day.

Lying in bed that night, Harry made a decision: he would visit Luna first thing in the morning. They could have breakfast together, and he could show her what he had bought. Then, he would help in the garden with Neville, trying to focus on something more peaceful to relieve the weight of the tension.