Chapter 5
Teddy remembered that night every time he closed his eyes. He remembered how when the car had been hit, they had flipped a couple of times before landing back on the wheels. He had immediately looked to his sister, only to see her as she would forever haunt him. He had screamed then, he had cried. He remembered how he Da had been pulled from the car by a man. He had thought the man might have been passing by when he saw the crash and decided to help them. But then he heard his Da cry out, almost scream. And then he heard him beg.
“stop! please! I-i don’t want this!”
Teddy was no idiot. He heard the way the man was moaning, he knew what rape was. That’s when his Dad had woken up. He had cried to him, telling him that Ellen was dead. His Dad had looked truly scared, more scared then he had ever seen him.
Then the man came up to the car and took Teddys Dad to. Teddy wanted to help, wanted to get help, but he had seen the man with a gun. He knew better. He heard the man threaten his parents. He heard them both crying, whispering to each other, trying to comfort each other. “b-baby,” he could hear his Dad cry, his voice shaking. “You have to get hard,”
Teddy cried with them. He crawled across the backseat to his sister and wrapped his arms around her, trying to block out the sounds of his parents cries.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I love you, I’m sorry!”
Teddy couldn’t stand it.
~~
Teddy laid on his bed when Remus knocked on his door. He didn’t get a response, so he opened it, seeing his son quickly wipe away the tears. Sirius had said Remus should be the one to check on him since he and Teddy had been fighting so much recently.
“Ted?” Remus said as he sat on the edge of the bed, Teddys back to him. “Listen, about what you said-“
“Im sorry,” Teddy whispered. “I didn’t mean to get so upset, and I didn’t mean to sound so insensitive.”
Remus sighed. “No, you were right,”
Teddy turned his head, looking at his Da, shocked. Remus went on. “I haven’t been myself. I haven’t helped your dad or you through any of this. I’ve been so caught up in my own grief and trauma that I forgot that you both are also going through the same things.”
Teddy blinked up at his Da, tears swarming his eyes. “I just miss her a lot, and I can’t sleep anymore cus every time I close my eyes I see her, and I hear you and Dad crying, a-and I just w-want to be n-normal again and I want E-Ellen back!”
Teddy was properly crying now. Remus scooped his son up in his arms, holding him close to his chest.
“I know, I know, it’s okay. I miss her too. I’m sorry.”
Teddy immediately pulled away, something like fear in his eyes. “Please,” he said, shaking his head. “Don’t say that.”
Remus frowned. “What?”
Teddy was still shaking his head. “Y-you kept saying it that night to D-dad.”
It suddenly dawned on Remus, how Teddy must have heard the way he had apologized to Sirius, over and over till the word was stuck in his mouth. Remus swallowed down a lump that had formed in his throat and nodded. “Okay, I won’t.”
~~
Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, his pajamas clutched in his hands. He needed to take a shower, but he wanted to know how Teddy was. The thought of Teddy hearing everything that had happened that night made Sirius physical hurt. How was his son supposed to overcome not only his sisters death, but also witnessing something so awful happening to his parents.
The bedroom door opened and Remus stepped in, making Sirius jump out of his thoughts.
“How is he?” He asked his husband. Remus closed the door.
“Asleep.” He answered simply. Sirius nodded, still worried.
“How did he seem?”
Remus shrugged. “He was upset, mostly guilty about yelling.”
Again, Sirius nodded. He looked down at the clothes in his hands, fiddling with them. He stood, looking up at Remus again.
“I’m, uh, gonna go take a shower.” He said.
Remus nodded. “Okay,” he said, then added with a small smile. “Don’t take all the hot water, I still need one too.”
Sirius nodded, then turned to the bathroom. He stopped in the doorway.
“Why don’t you join me?” He said, turning around and looking at Remus. Remus blinked. Sirius went on before he could stop himself. “I mean, we’re married. It’s not like we haven’t showered together.”
Remus blinked again. He didn’t say anything. Sirius suddenly felt stupid, standing there, waiting for his husband to respond, but he said nothing.
Sirius turned and went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him and squeezing his eyes shut against the tears that threatened. He gave himself a moment to breathe, then stripped his clothes and got into the shower.
He couldn’t understand why. Why was Remus so distant, even after months, he still stayed as far away from Sirius as possible, like he couldn’t bare to touch him, like he-
The door to the bathroom opened, making Sirius freeze. The curtain was pulled aside and Remus stepped into the shower, naked. He looked at Sirius, his eyes holding so much emotion.
“I’m sorry.”
Sirius couldn’t stop himself. He lunged forward and kissed him, tears falling down his eyes. Remus cupped the back of his head, pulling him closer.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed you away, I’m so sorry-“ Remus said between kisses, but Sirius shushed him.
“It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. I forgive you!”
They were both sobbing, their naked bodies clinging to each other.
They kissed again and Sirius found himself grinding against Remus, gasping with pleasure. Remus bent down and began kissing Sirius’s neck, drawing a moan out of him as he rested his head on the tile of the shower. Remus kissed down Sirius’s body till he was on his knees, taking Sirius’s cock into his mouth. Sirius gripped his hair, moaning louder at the pleasure sweeping through his body. He thrust into Remus’s mouth, making them both moan. It had been weeks, months, since that had been sexual with each other. They had barely even looked at each other, and not, Remus was kneeling on the shower floor, taking Sirius down his throat.
“Babyyy,” Sirius groaned, letting go of Remus’s hair and trying to pulling him up before he came. “Your knee, you shouldn’t be kneeling on it.”
He was right, he knew he was. Remus groaned as he stood, needing Sirius to help him back to his feet. He smiled down at him, then kissed him again.
“Will you please come sleep in the bed with me tonight?” He asked, his voice desperate. Sirius nodded. “Yes, of course.”
They moved to the bed, not bothering to get dressed. Remus immediately climbed on top of Sirius, kissing him, holding him. They were both desperate. Remus reached for the bedside table, grabbing the lube from the drawer. He took his time, preparing Sirius till all Sirius wanted was his husband in him.
“Please, Remus!”
Remus kissed him and Sirius felt him begin to press in. That’s when. The anxiety hit his chest and suddenly Sirius wasn’t looking up at his bedroom ceiling, but the night sky. He heard Remus crying, apologizing over and over again, his son screaming, the image of his daughter dead.
“Stop! Stop, stop, stop! Remus, stop!”
Remus immediately pulled away, his chest panting as he looked down at his husband, utter devastation on his face. Sirius turned on his side, holding himself and began to sob.
“I can’t!” He said, his voice quiet. “I’m sorry, but I can’t!”
Remus stared at his husband, tears falling down his face. He got up, going to the dresser and grabbing them both clothes. He handed Sirius his, and Sirius quickly put them on, still sobbing.
He shook his head when he was fully dressed, sitting on the side of the bed.
“I just want things to go back.” He said to Remus, who sat next to him. Remus wrapped his arms around him, holding him to his side.
“It’s never going to be the same.”