Chapter 6
“Are you ready to talk about it?”
Sirius glanced at Remus, seeing him nod. They were back in Poppy’s office, sitting side by side. This time Sirius had his hand on Remus’s knee.
“When Grayback saw me awake, he pulled me from the car,” Remus began, his voice low. “I was confused and hurt, and so disoriented that I didn’t really know what was happening till he-“ he took a breath. “Till he started pulling down my pants.”
Sirius shut his eyes against the memories, hating the was his husbands voice was shaking.
Poppy nodded. “That must have been very traumatic,” she said. Remus nodded.
“I don’t really remember anything but the pain and the feeling, and just begging him to stop. I can barely remember his face.”
Remus’s eyes were distant in a way that scared Sirius. Poppy urged him to continue. “Do you remember what happened next?”
Remus looked like he was thinking.
“I remember Greyback leaving, and I tried to get up to see if Sirius and the kids were okay, but I couldn’t feel my leg,”
Sirius saw the tears forming in Remus’s eyes. “That’s when Greyback came back but he had Sirius.” Remus took another breath, emotions clogging his throat.
“What happened then?” Poppy asked gently. Sirius grabbed Remus’s hand.
“Greyback had this fantasy,” Sirius begun, taking over for Remus. “He wanted us to have sex right there. He threatened us with a gun. Neither of us had a choice.”
Sirius saw Remus shake his head, suddenly overcome by a wave of emotions.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Remus began chanting, pulling his hand away from Sirius and wrapping his arms around himself, squeezing his eyes shut as he began sobbing. Sirius stilled in shock.
“Remus,” Poppy began, handing him a box of tissues. “What are you sorry for?”
Remus took the box, but did nothing with it. He shook his head.
“I r-raped him.”
Sirius immediately shook his head, grabbing Remus’s hand and turning himself to look at his husband. “Oh baby, no. No you didn’t!” He said, but Remus shook his head and pulled his hand away.
“Remus,” Poppy said again. “What makes you say that?”
Remus was staring at the floor. “He didn’t want it.” He whispered. Sirius was still shaking his head, his own tears falling down his face.
“But did you want it?” Poppy asked. Remus looked up at her, then shook his head.
“No, not at all.”
Poppy looked at him over the top of her glasses. “Listen, you both were forced to do something that neither of you wanted to do. The only person to blame for that is Greyback.” She the looked right at Remus. “You are not a rapist. You did not rape your husband.”
Remus sobbed but nodded his head. Sirius pulled him close, wrapping his arms around him and kissing the top of his head.
~~
Time had been such a strange thing since the accident. It moved slowly, yet so fast, and before Sirius knew it, it was the day before Christmas Eve and him and Remus hadn’t done any shopping, hadn’t gotten and tree, and hadn’t pulled out any decorations. Sirius felt awful.
No, it didn’t feel like Christmas with his daughter gone, but they still had a son, one that deserved a good Christmas. That’s how Sirius and Remus found themselves at the store, frantically looking for gifts that their son might want.
“Has he mentioned anything at all that he wanted?” Sirius asked as he paced down the Lego isle. Remus pushed the cart behind him, shaking his head.
“No, he hasn’t. He’s barely spoken these past couple of weeks.” He responded. Sirius sighed, running his hand through his hair.
“I wish he still believed in Santa so we’d at least have a letter.” He mumbled, then grabbed a Star Wars lego set, holding it up.
“This?”
Remus shook his head.
Sirius put it back, pulling his phone out. “I’m calling Molly, gonna see if Bill and Charlie have any ideas.”
Sirius talked briefly to the boys, and thankfully they had a few ideas of what Teddy might want. They managed to get him a video game, the shoes he wanted, me a new Xbox controller, plus stocking stuff. On the way to the checkout, Sirius found himself stopping in front of the doll section, seeing the one that his daughter had pointed out more then once, the one he had planned on buying her for Christmas. Remus must have sensed what Sirius was thinking. He came up next to him and wrapped his arms around.
“I know,” he whispered, kissing the side of his face.
“I hate that it’s Christmas without her.” Sirius whispered into his husbands chest.
They both hated it, but they had to keep reminding themselves that they had to try and stay cheerful, for their son.
When they got to the house, Sirius started wrapping the gifts while Remus went up into the attic and got the Christmas decorations down. Then, he went and got Teddy, who was laying on his bed scrolling through his phone in the dark.
“Ted,” Remus said, flicking a light on. “I got the Christmas stuff down, and me and your Dad thought it might be fun for the three of us to got pick out a tree.”
Teddy blinked up at him. “I don’t really feel like celebrating Christmas.” He mumbled. Remus’s heart sank. He sat down next to Teddy on the bed.
“I know. To be honest, neither do me or your Dad. But we can’t just sit here and mope for the rest of our lives. Ellen wouldn’t want us too.”
Teddy had a blank look on his face, but he nodded. Remus bent down, kissing his forehead, then left him to get his shoes and coat. He went to his and Sirius’s bedroom, opening the door and seeing Sirius finish wrapping the last gift.
“Teddys getting his shoes and coat.” He told him. Sirius nodded, putting the now wrapped gifts in a pile at the foot of their bed.
“Okay, let me grab my coat then we’ll go.”
~~
Sirius was proudly of his son who was putting on a brave face, helping his parents pick out a tree and bringing it home to decorate, when Sirius knew it must be hard. Sirius made hot chocolate when they got back to the house while Remus and Teddy started with putting lights on the tree. He brought the tree mugs over, then opened another box full of their mantle decorations. He started putting everything out, but stopped when he saw the stockings. The top one was Ellen’s, her name sewn into the top. Sirius pulled it out, looking at it for a moment. He held back his tears and hung it on the nail that was put there for it. He then did the same to the other three stockings.
~~
When Christmas morning came, Sirius and Remus laid in bed together as the sun rose. Teddy slept on an air mattress in their room. He had come in the night before, waking his parents, standing next to their bed and sobbing, saying his didn’t want to be alone. They had immediately pulled him in bed with them, holding him, comforting him. But their bed wasn’t big enough for all three, and when Teddy had calmed down, he said he’d get the air mattress. He was still sleeping when Sirius woke, his movements also waking Remus.
Sirius laid with his head on Remus’s chest, neither saying anything. It was calm, but Sirius felt the sadness in the air. Eventually, Sirius got up and made coffee while Remus woke Teddy. They came out not long after, Teddy rubbing his eyes and sitting on the couch quietly. Sirius frowned, remembering how just last year, Teddy and Ellen had raced down the stairs, their excitement loud. They had barely been able to contain themselves, begging their parents to hurry with their coffee so they could open the presents. Now, Teddy sat alone, silent, looking at the tree with a blank stare.
Sirius went over to the tree, grabbing a gift to Teddy and handing it to him. Teddy stared at it, and that’s when Sirius saw tears slowly trailing down his son’s face. Sirius quickly put his coffee down, sitting next to Teddy and pulling him in his arms. Teddy was taking deep breaths, obviously trying to not cry. That broke Sirius’s heart.
“It’s okay, Teddy. You can cry.”
A sob fell from his son, his body shaking from it. Remus went to Teddys other side, holding him too.
“I-I’m sorry-y,” Teddy hiccuped. “I-I know y-you guys-s wanted a good C-Christmas.”
Sirius kissed his head, his own tears falling.
“Oh, Ted. It’s okay. We just wanted to have a good Christmas. But it’s okay if you don’t want to, or if it’s too much.” He said. Teddy pulled away from the hug and wiped his eyes.
“It’s just so strange to be the only one opening the presents, and the only kid.” He explained. Sirius had an idea.
~~
Molly was more than happy to bring Bill and Charlie over, saying the boys were happy to help their friend. She also said it was also a big help to her since her and Arthur had just had another baby, and that without the two older boys causing a racket it would be nice to have quiet Christmas afternoon. Sirius was just glad with how it had lightened Teddys mood.
Charlie sat next to Teddy on the couch, showing him pictures of some of the things he had gotten, while Bill went to the tree and brought gifts over for Teddy to open.
“This one is heavier then the last! Open it, Ted!” Bill would urge. Teddy would give a small smile with each gift and thank his parents. Sirius was glad he was able to enjoy himself a little.
Reg and James came over not long after for lunch with their two kids, Harry, and their eldest, Ruth. She was a year older then Teddy, but they got along. Sirius still remembered when Regulus had found out he was pregnant with her. Him and James had only begun going out, and Reg was only seventeen at the time. Reg had been scared at the time, but James had helped him tremendously.
Ruth sat with the boys, holding her little brother in her arms, while James and Reg helped Remus and Sirius get lunch together.
“Did mother say what time she’s coming?” Sirius asked Reg as he chopped the potatoes. Reg shrugged, leaning on the counter.
“She said she’d come at lunchtime.”
Sirius rolled his eyes and huffed. “Of course she did,” he mumbled, glancing over at the living room, then lowering his voice. “Has she met Ruth yet?”
Reg pressed his lips, shaking his head. “No, only Harry.”
Sirius winced. “Do you think she’ll know that she’s the baby she told you to get aborted?”
Reg huffed. “I mean, it’s not hard to do the math and make the connection.”
Sirius could still recall that day when his parents had found out Reg was pregnant. He remembered combing home, hearing the yelling. His father was standing in the living room, shouting at Regulus while holding the positive pregnancy test he must have found in the trash.
“You’re supposed to be on the pill!” He shouted at Regulus, who had tears streaming down his face, but he still looked furious.
“I went off of it! They were making me feel sick! And you wouldn’t have to worry about this if you weren’t fucking your own kid!”
Orion had backhanded Reg, sending him to the ground.
Sirius remembered how he had stood there, shocked. It was the moment he had found out what Orion had been doing to Regulus over the years. He had attacked his father, punching and kicking him till the man had passed out. Sirius had taken Reg and ran that night, going to James.
James had been shocked when finding out him and Reg were going to be parents, but being James, he’d also been excited. Sirius had never been more thankful for James in those moments.
There was a knock on the door. Remus went and answered it, welcoming Walburga in. She was holding another casserole.
“My, there are quite a few kids here.” She said, almost sounding confused.
“Two of them our Teddys friends.” Sirius explained, kissing his mother’s cheek and taking the casserole from her. His mother grabbed his arm, stopping him and giving him a soft look.
“How are you doing, Sirius?” She asked, sincerely. Sirius blinked, swallowing the lump in his throat.
“It’s been hard, but we’re doing better.” He said honestly. She gave him a small smile, then moved to greet Regulus. Sirius put the casserole in the oven, then went to the living room.
“Teddy,” he said, catching his son’s attention. “You wanna come meet your grandmother?”
Teddy nodded, looking slightly unsure, but told his friends he’d be right back and followed his dad.
“Mother,” Sirius called, making her turn. “This is mine and Remus’s son, Edward, but he goes by Teddy.”
Walburga smiled, bending down and hugging Teddy, surprising Sirius. She had never offered any kind of physical affection to Sirius and Reg growing up.
“Oh it’s so wonderful to meet you Teddy!” He said, pulling back and cupping his face.
“Oh, he looks so much like Remus!”
Teddy frowned. “Umm, I’m adopted.”
She shook her head, still smiling. “Well, you still look like him!”
Sirius hadn’t noticed Reg getting Ruth and Harry till they were right next to him.
“Mother,” Reg started looking almost nervous. Walburga looked up, her face still beaming. Her smile only grew when she saw Regs kids.
“Oh goodness! I do have quite the herd of grandkids!” She said, leaning down so she was level with Ruth.
“Oh, you look so much like your father before he-“ she stopped herself. “When he was young.”
Reg rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything. “This is Ruth, you already met Harry.”
Walburga smiled at Harry. After another moment then kids went back to the living room and Walburga’s smile feel. She looked back at Reg.
“She’s the one you were pregnant with when you left?”
Reg nodded.
“She’s not your father’s, right?” She sounded almost sacred. Reg shook his head.
“No, she’s mine and James’s. Father had me on the pill when he’d-“ Reg swallowed, his throat bobbing.
Sirius walked away, he needed air. All this talk of his father was making him feel nauseous.
They had lunch together. It was pleasant, if not cheerful. For once, Sirius felt okay. His son was smiling with his cousin and his friends, and his husband didn’t have that far off look in his eyes like he was fighting a war in his head. He even caught a smile tugging on Remus’s lips as he talked with James.
It may have not been a great Christmas, and he missed his daughter dearly, but it was definitely a milestone.
Sirius reached under the table and grabbed Remus’s hand. Remus’s head turned to his husband, smiling as he looked at him.