Chapter 5
Was this feeling really love, tho?
The question appeared in his mind a few weeks after the whole sorting event. Tom didn't remember ever loving anyone or anything.
There were things that he liked, people he found useful. And there were other things he hated and people there were disposable. But love? That wasn't an emotion he'd felt before.
In fact, Tom was pretty sure no one ever loved him either.
Well, perhaps his mother loved him, but she was dead and Tom was alone, so any love that she might have held for him didn't really matter, since he would never be able to feel it.
So if he never felt love, how could he say for sure that he loved Harry?
The sorting hat had called his feelings 'love'. But are the words of a talking sentient magical hat really worth that much?
But then again, if not love then what was this feeling? Tom wanted Harry to look at him, for them to be together. He wanted to hug Harry and take care of him, but he also wanted the opposite to happen too. This intense feeling compelled him to get closer and closer to Harry. Surely it was love?
Well, not like it mattered anyways, since Tom is yet to muster the courage to even sit close to Harry.
Tom wasn't shy. He never had been. Sure, he was very quiet most of the time, but not shy. And yet, something about Harry made his heart race, his brain stop working and his face become red. When he got too close to him, Tom could barely form a sentence and by the time he found the correct words, Harry was already gone.
It didn't help that Harry always had the redheaded boy and the fuzzy hair girl around him. It was almost as if they were his bodyguards or something. Tom couldn't for the life of him understand why Harry tolerated their presence.
And well, it's not like Tom only saw the other boy in his classes either. Sometimes, Tom skipped dinner to wander around the castle. It was one of the few moments where the castle was basically empty and silent.
Tom had grown up in an orphanage full of kids, there was never a dull moment, except in his bedroom. All the kids were scared of him, so that was his sanctuary.
He didn't have that in Hogwarts. His bedroom was a shared dormitory, and he had to always be alert in case one of his housemates decided to play a "prank" on him for being a "mudblood."
So really, the only moment he had for himself was this. When the castle got empty like his, Tom felt like he could finally breathe for a while. Breathe and feel the ancient magic that pulsed in the castle's very walls. It was powerful and old, something that had been there for centuries without ever losing its strength.
And it was in one of these moments of exploration that Tom found Harry, sitting on the windowsill of the Astronomy tower.
Tom liked to sit there too.
He'd come to the Astronomy tower just to sit there. And if it was anyone else, Tom would be angry.
But this was Harry. Tom didn't think he could really get angry at him.
Should I say something? that was the first thought to cross his mind. Tom wanted to sit there with him and talk. Talk honestly, in a way that he'd never talked to anyone before.
But at the same time, his feet were planted firmly in the ground. Tom couldn't find the courage to move.
Tom wasn't one to give up easily, but in that moment, he resigned himself with watching Harry from afar. He decided to not interfere with Harry's moment of peace. Tom would hate to have his moment of peace interrupted, so he probably shouldn't do that to Harry, right?
Is that how you love? You give up on things you want to do, just because you want to see the other person happy?
If so, then love was clearly a dangerous thing.