why did you leave?

Peridot could barely comprehend what had just happened in such a short amount of time. The fact that the diamonds were going to destroy everything she ever really cared about, her entire life being torn up from the earth, or maybe the fact that her best friend left with it all. Now all she could do was sit in her old prison cell - or the so-called bathroom - and pace around the area. Her eyes were still foggy with… eugh… tears. She hated the fact that she was so emotional over this! That was Stevens' job! Why did she care so much about a stupid barn, and the junky meep-morps that she and Lapis threw together? Why did she care about this planet that not even a year ago she was supposed to destroy?

And why would she care about the gem who didn't seem to care at all about her?

Peridot grabbed at her hair and grumbled to herself, squeezing her eyes shut as she paced.

“Lapis left you.” She rambled. “Lapis was the one who took everything! Lapis hurt y- AUGH!-” Peridot yelped as she tripped into the bathtub. She let out a sigh as she flipped over to stare at the unappealing ceiling.

“It's Lapis’ fault.” She grumbled.

Then why did it make her feel so… guilty? Lapis should be the one who felt guilty! Lapis should have already flown back down here with their barn and meep-morps and apologized. Or even have just flown back, without any of that stuff… Or gave her a hug before leaving. Peridot sniffled and clutched her chest, her eyes welling with tears again. She removed her visor and set it on the walls of the bathtub, squirming into a small ball and softly sobbing into her knees. She could hear Pumpkins soft worried whines from outside of the tub and she leaned up to scoop up the little pet-getable. She smiled the best she could down at them, but couldn't hold back the tears as she squeezed Pumpkin close to her.

“Maybe-” She sniffled out. “Maybe Lapis never needed us after all Pumpkin-” Pumpkin gave Peridot's hand a lick with their sticky orange tongue. Peridot sniffled and began patting Pumpkin's head.

“Sorry Pumpkin- I'll- I'll cheer up-” She grabbed her visor and slid it back on, taking a deep breath. She stood, patting Pumpkin's head and going to walk out to the warp pad. Was it bad that she wanted to go back and see what remained of the barn? She sighed a bit and stepped out into the darkness of the evening, sighing into the quiet. Until it was filled with Garnet's voice.

“And even after that very first fusion, we knew it was love.” Peridot sighed. Fusion. Love. Did Garnet talk about anything else? “We wanted to be Garnet, any chance we could be.” Peridot rolled her eyes to herself. Why would anybody want something so… so… weird?- Fusion was sort of… gross-

“And then you lived happily ever after, right?” Steven chimed in. Garnet laughed.

“Only because Ruby and Sapphire had each other.” Peridot stood there for a moment. Why did none of the other gems care about Lapis being gone? Why did everyone else get a happily ever after with love and fusion and special feely good feelings? Why not her? Why couldn't she be happy and not have everything taken away?

Peridot didn't even realize how hard she was gripping her own hair as she paced, pausing in her tracks. When did she even start moving? What purpose was there in being angry anyways? It wasn't going to bring the barn back. It wasn't going to bring her back. She kicked the bathroom door and froze when a loud slam sounded. She turned around frantically before scampering off to the warp pad, only to scramble into an expecting Garnet's arms. She squirmed in the gems tight grasp, struggling to get out before huffing.

“Garnet! Put me down!” She kicked her legs around. Garnet only smiled. Why was she smiling? Did nothing matter to her? Did everything that had happened meant nothing to her?

“Peridot… I know you're upset about Lapis-” Garnet started.

“No! I hate her! I hate that stupid clod!-” Peridot yelped angrily. “Stop talking to me! Let me go!”

“Peridot, it's okay to ta-”

“No! It's not okay! Nothing is okay, fusion.” She hissed out. “And no fusion, or love, or talking is going to fix it! You aren't going to bring it back!” Peridot kicked at Garnet, who then dropped her. She wiped under her visor, tears smudging around her face as she got onto the warp pad, leaving before anyone could say anything else. She stomped around the tall grassy area around the crater where the barn used to be, grumbling to herself as she kicked at some of the flowers, sniffling to herself.

“It's her fault- she- she did it-” She grabbed at her visor, gripping it as she grumbled out words. She stumbled to the pit that remained of her entire life here on Earth. She sat at the edge until she noticed something at the bottom.

Her tape recorder.

She scrambled down to the bottom, grabbing her tape recorder greedily. She sat, staring at the piece of metal. She pressed the play button, staring at the speakers. They creaked momentarily with static before her own voice sounded over them.

“Log Date, 7-1-5-2.” She mumbled the words to herself as the speakers rambled them off. She listened. And listened. And… listened. She began pacing again, but not in a worried way anymore, just so she had something to move. Until her heart froze at the sound of a voice. Her. Voice.

“Gosh… is this thing… oh!” A soft pause resounded far louder than any of the words. “Peridot, I know you're going to listen to this eventually, so I just wanted you to know…” There was silence for a long moment and Peridot stared down at the metal box. Suddenly, an almost scratchy snore emerged from the speakers, and then a light hearted giggle. “Now I have proof of the snoring! Try to stop me now!”

The tape recorder clicked to a stop.

Peridot stared down at the box in her hand as she shook, biting at the skin on her lower lip. She growled and threw the recorder as hard as she could into the ground. It wasn't very hard at all, considering she was tearing up. She sniffled, wiping at her eyes.

“Why can't I be mad!-” She yelled, her voice cracking. “Why can't I just hate you? Why can't I just- stop caring!-” She hissed out, stomping on the recorder. “Why can't I be mad without crying-’ Her yells faded into soft sobs as she sank to the ground.

“Why did you leave, Lapis?”