Starlight

Hold my hand tight, we’ll make it another night,

I still get a little scared of something new,

But I feel a little safer when I’m with you, 

Falling doesn’t feel so bad when I know you’ve fallen this way, too

Devil Town - Cavetown

James waits at the corner of the baker, a bag with two donuts, one oreo and one plane, in his hand. He sees Regulus and Bootes before they see him, Regulus talking away while Bootes stares at him. 

Regulus is wearing similar clothes to James‘, a slightly oversized t-shirt and shorts, trainers James doesn’t recognise and a sun hat James knows Annie had to wrestle onto his head. 

He can’t help but smile as Regulus strokes a loose curl back, only for it to fall back immediately. 

James sighs, the warmth in his chest almost overwhelming. 

He can’t believe he found Regulus.

James didn’t have any friends. Like, at all. And then Regulus came along with his eyes and his smile and he was so soft that James thought he wasn’t real. 

Regulus isn’t very open. There's a lot James still doesn’t know about him, but he’s glad for every tiny thing he does know. 

Regulus looks up finally and he smiles shyly when their eyes meet, and James' heart does a little summersault in his chest. 

“Hey Reg,” he grins when Regulus reaches him. 

“Hi.”

“Ready for Sports Day?”

“No. Please kill me,” his face is completely blank as he says it, and if it weren’t for the little twinkle in his eye James would believe him. 

“I’m afraid I like you too much for that, Reg,”

“Shame.”

James laughs and, after asking, wraps an arm around Regulus’ shoulders, Bootes on his other side. 

As they get closer to the school, there are more and more people dressed in neon t-shirts and football or rugby kits, and James hears Regulus snort softly when they pass a group of girls dressed in neon 80’s sweatbands and mini skirts. 

The school’s gym is full of different stations, even more of them outside and James and Regulus each go to find some things they find acceptable to participate in, and James manages to convince Regulus to do the potato-sack race with him. 

Other than that, James signs up for the 100 metre race and the boxing matches, which he’s sure he’ll walk away from with a black eye. 

In the end, Bootes wins the potato sack race, but there’s not much time to celebrate because Regulus gets over-stimulated from the material of the sack and they sit in the bathroom for about 15 minutes. 

This means James misses the 100 metre race, but he didn’t particularly want to do it, and he’d rather sit with Reg anyway. 

Regulus then took part in a chess match, which apparently counts as a sport, and won, and then they went over to the boxing ring. James was given gloves to try on while they arranged who would fight whom. 

“Wait, why do you need a helmet?”

James’ heart swells at the concern in Regulus’ voice. 

“I think it’s just in case, I doubt we’re allowed to punch each other in the face,” James hopes that was reassuring, but judging by Regulus’ face, it really wasn’t. 

“Be careful, please,” he mumbles quietly and James’ feels so fucking warm. He hugs Regulus, kissing his hair and breathing in his scent, mumbling, “it’s a school boxing match, Reg, I’m not going to war. I’ll be fine. Promise.”

Regulus nods, and when James begins to step back he pulls him back quickly and kisses his cheek, leaving James wanting to squeal. 

“Don’t die,” Regulus whispers. 

“I won’t-“

“Alright, guys! Here’s the order you’ll be fighting in: Danny versus Ben, then Amy versus Penny, Jake versus Charles and James versus Sirius. James and Sirius first, please.”

James makes a note of the name, but before he can try and find the guy, his eyes land on Regulus’ panicked face.

“Reg?”

“Um-“

Bootes jumps up suddenly, alerting Regulus and James has no idea what’s going on, until someone grabs his shoulder. 

“You James?” The guy has long curly black hair and grey eyes, high cheekbones and James feels his eyebrows raise to his hairlines.

He looks exactly like Regulus. 

Regulus, who has disappeared. James’ eyes fly around the room looking for him or Bootes but there’s no sign of them. Despite the anxiety swirling in his stomach, James steps onto the ring behind this Sirius guy. Regulus has Bootes. He’ll be okay, right?

“Worried about Ray?” 

Sirius is smirking at him in a way that only worsens James’ nerves. “What?”

“Raine? Or whatever it is she’s calling herself.”

James stares at him, the clogs in his head slowly turning. 

Oh. Reg is trans. 

Oh. This guy is misgendering Reg on purpose. 

Yeah, James is definitely going to punch him.

“Who even are you?”

“Oh, she didn’t tell you? No, I guess she wouldn’t want to tell the only person who talks to her what she’s really like.”

What does that mean?

“Who are you?” James asks again, his patience running out. 

“Her brother. Or I was, I guess.”

What?

“You’re his brother? Why are you in different-“

“There was no way in fuck I was going to let them make me live with that bitch-“

The bell suddenly sounds, and James, still hung on Sirius’ words, doesn’t react fast enough. Sirius nails him right in the shoulder and James staggers back, wincing, but recovers quickly. 

As he and Sirius start to fight, Regulus words from their movie night float around James’ head. 

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.

Are they talking about the same thing? Did Regulus do something and that’s why Sirius is mad at him?

“So what, are you two best friends now?” Sirius starts the conversation again. 

“I-” James is too distracted by the match to properly answer, and then Sirius cuts him off. 

“So she really didn’t tell you why she lives with a foster family? Never said what she did?”

“Will you fucking stop calling him a she? And no, it’s none of my fucking business if he tells me or not.”

“Yeah, whatever. I doubt he will be your friend for long after you find out what he’s really like.”

“Fuck off, you don’t know shit,”

“I know more than you.”

“I don’t give a shit what you know, literally nothing you could say would change my mind-“

“Did he tell you about our parents?”

“…just that they’re in jail.”

“Not why?”

“No.”

“Well, James, our parents abused us. Or me more like. Because I always took that bitch’s punishment for him, and still he’d never take my side. He’d just stand there and say fucking nothing while I was-“

Sirius swings for him, swallowing his words, but James blocks it, heart racing.

Jesus Christ. He feels as if every part of his brain is on overdrive. 

He thought Reg’s parents were like, drug dealers or something not that they-

He blocks Sirius again, taking a deep breath. 

Regulus is safe now. He’s okay now. Mostly. 

“So what? He just didn’t say anything and that’s why you hate him?”

Sirius laughs, fuming. “No, it gets worse. Because one lovely summer night, after he didn’t want to pick up a pillow because it was itchy, I was being fucking tortured and our mother literally asked Raine if she should stop and he didn’t fucking say anything. He was acting like he couldn’t or whatever, being a fucking baby when I needed him. I was in the hospital for a fucking week, just because he didn’t want to say anything.”

James blinks, taking a deep breath. “Yeah, well, I guess you were wrong”

“What?”

“I do know more than you,” with that, James punches him in the face, before slipping out of the ring and leaving the gym. 

Regulus is completely buried under Bootes, only his head and feet poking out. James can’t see his face, but he can clearly hear his frantic breathing and sobs. 

“Reg?” he sits down near him, unsure what to do. Regulus doesn’t answer, James doubts he even heard him, so he shuffles a bit closer, but makes sure not to touch him. 

“Reg? Can you hear me?”

Regulus lets out another sob as he nods, pulling himself together. It’s breaking James’ heart, seeing him like this. 

“Do you want to hug me?”

Regulus, still crying, nods and scrambles over to James, pulling himself into his lap. Bootes lies down on James’ other side, half on top of him, and James somehow manages to hug both. 

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t. You have nothing to be sorry about. That- that’s not your fault. At all. And it’s not your brother’s either. Neither of you has anything to be sorry about- well, I mean, your brother’s a dick, but apart from that.”

Regulus nods, taking shaky breaths. James runs his hand over his hair, cupping his head and pressing his nose to his temple. 

“You’ll be okay, Reg. I promise.” 

“You don’t know-”

“Yes, I do.”

Regulus huffs softly, “If you say so.”

“Mh, I do.”

“You know, you’re kinda squishing me.”

“Oh- sorry,” James laughs awkwardly and moves to pull away but Regulus pouts. “Why’d you stop?”

James splutters, “You- but you said-” when he sees Regulus’ small grin he huffs and shakes his head, unable to contain his smile. 

Completely out of impulse, James leans forward and kisses Regulus on the cheek, only remembering too late that Regulus asked him not to touch his face. 

James panics for a second, but Regulus is only smiling shyly, blushing. He opens his mouth to say something, but the bathroom door bangs open, and Sirius is standing there, a tall boy James vaguely recognises behind him, with sandy curls and light scars. 

Neither says a word, and James and Regulus stay silent as well, the four of them staring at each other until suddenly Bootes jumps up from the floor and moves to sit on Regulus again, James being forced out of the way. James watches Sirius’ expression as he takes in Bootes’ vest. 

“Hello.” James’ voice is louder than he intends, startling himself, and he feels himself go red. He’s about to apologise, but Regulus’ hand is suddenly clutching his, fingers intertwining together. 

“Um, hi.” Sirius speaks without looking away from Bootes. “What- what’s that?”

James looks at Regulus, who shakily shrugs. “A dog.”

“Why do you have a dog at school?”

“It’s a service dog,” the guy behind Sirius finally speaks up. James thinks his name starts with an ‘r’, maybe ryan? He knows he’s seen him around before. 

“Why the fuck do you have a service dog?” Sirius now looks just as snobby as before, but James can clearly hear the shake in his voice. He looks indifferent and terrified at the same time. 

“Um- because I’m disabled.”

James blinks in surprise. Regulus has never said it out loud like that before. He squeezes his hand, and Regulus squeezes back. 

“You’re what?”

All the confidence Regulus had mustered just now seems to vanish, and he doesn't seem to find the words. He looks at James, squeezing his hand, and James hopes to any god that will listen that he didn’t misunderstand as he speaks up, “He’s autistic.”

It seems Sirius’ system shuts down for a second then, because he stands completely still, eye twitching. 

“What- what?” 

“I’m autistic,” Regulus’ voice shakes, but he still says it and James’ heart swells. 

“Oh- Well- Um- What!? Since fucking when!?”

“Um, forever, I guess.”

Sirius blinks at them once, twice, and then promptly turns on his heel and runs out of the room. 

Ryan follows, though not before giving them a weird look and a tired huff. 

“Again, he really is a dick.”

Regulus shoves him, “Shut up.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry.”

“Sorry?”

“James.”

“Sorry.”

“James.”

James almost says it again, just to make the grin on Regulus’ face spread even more, but Regulus’ hand is on his mouth, holding it closed. 

His face is so close, eyes twinkling with mirth as he keeps James quiet, his other hand cupping his head, though James doubts he realises. 

He has to admit, Regulus is probably the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on. With his soft, dark curls and pale skin, his eyes, his lips, his blushing cheeks, the small dimples that he rarely sees, James just can’t take it anymore. 

He can’t spend another second away from Regulus. 

James gently pries Regulus’ hand from his face, his other hand slipping into his curls, tangling his fingers in them and using his thumb to brush along his forehead. 

“Reg?”

“Yeah?” He breathes it out, a soft whisper, warm against the skin of James’ face. 

“Don’t run, okay? Talk to me.”

“What?”

“I love you.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Um- Oh.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I-”

Regulus bites his lip. James can feel his heart pounding heavily in his ears, louder with each passing second. 

He’s so scared. Because James cannot fuck this up. He just can’t. He can’t lose Regulus. 

Regulus is staring at him, right in the eyes, with this look that James doesn’t understand. 

“You promise?”

“What?”

“I- do you promise?”

“That I love you?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Yeah. I promise.”

“And- and if I’m… weird, you won’t- won’t- change your mind?”

James shakes his head. 

He’s gonna fucking cry in a second. 

Regulus’ nose bumps against his when he leans in. James doesn’t close his eyes. He looks right into Regulus’, those big, bright eyes holding him steady. 

His hand shakes where it’s still in Regulus' hair and James pulls away for only a second to take a shaky breath. 

When he has, he leans back in, his other hand coming to rest on Regulus’ waist, holding him close. 

Regulus is the one to peck him on the corner of the mouth first. James’ heart nearly gives out when he does, and they stare at each other for what feels like an hour before Regulus leans back in and they kiss properly. 

James cups the back of Regulus’ head, mindful of not touching his face too much, and tangles his fingers in his curls, his other arm tight around his waist. 

Regulus feels so good when he’s this close. He just fits against James so well it almost hurts. 

They pull apart again to breathe and James smiles. 

“I love you.”

Regulus blushes and giggles, and oh my god, and then he stuffs his face in James’ neck, nose tickling his skin as he mutters, “I love you, too.”