Starlight

In the car, I just can't wait

To pick you up on our very first date

Is it cool if I hold your hand?

Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?

Do you like my stupid hair?

Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?

I'm just scared of what you think

You make me nervous, so I really can't eat

First Date - Blink-182

It’s been a weird week. 

On the one hand, Regulus has loved it. Because James feels so good when he wraps his arms around Regulus and kisses him and holds him and holy shit Regulus loves him. 

But then again, he’s been feeling like shit. 

He remembers when he got diagnosed, and he wanted to run over to Sirius and shove the paper in his face and yell, ‘It wasn’t my fault,’ and Sirius would have to apologise and would have to be his brother again and love him again but he didn’t. 

He knows now, and he hasn’t done anything. 

“Bug?”

Annie’s voice sounds muffled and confused, but she lets Regulus crawl into her bed with her and lazily slips one arm around him and buries her face in his hair. 

“Can’t sleep?” She whispers, making sure the blanket covers him properly. 

“I dunno. Feel weird.”

“What’d Bootes say?”

“He just farted on my leg.”

Annie snorts. “I love you, Reg.”

Regulus closes his eyes and smiles. 

Maybe he doesn’t need Sirius. 

Maybe Annie and James are enough.

***

Regulus lowers himself onto the floor in the library at Bootes’ request. 

Sometimes Bootes makes him do this even though he doesn’t feel that bad, and Regulus gets annoyed, but then he remembers that one time he ignored him and he ended up curled on the floor for an hour while being unable to see or hear anything. 

So, yeah, if Bootes says the library book he just picked up could possibly end his life somehow then that’s what Regulus believes, however unlikely. 

“Reg?” James bounces over to him, holding his own book. “You good?”

“Hmm.”

“Can I touch?”

“Hmm.”

James sits down at the table next to where Regulus is sitting and places a warm hand on his shoulder, gently rubbing his thumb up and down. 

He doesn’t say anything else and neither does Regulus, until Bootes climbs off of him and Regulus stands up, gives him a doggy-treat and sits down next to James, leaning his head on his shoulder. 

James turns his head and kisses his forehead, then goes back to his book, slipping his arm around Regulus’ waist. 

Regulus smiles. 

“Oh, hello boys.” 

Effie slips into the chair opposite them. 

“Hi, mum.”

“What are you boys studying?”

“I’m doing history and Regulus is studying my face.” 

Regulus chokes on his spit. “What-”

“Come on, love, I’ve written two essays in the time you’ve been staring at me.”

Regulus blushes. “It’s not my fault.”

James and Effie laugh fondly, and Regulus grumbles. 

“Alright, boys, me and Monty are just going to go shopping and then we can all head back home for that dinner we planned? Annie said she’d finish working in an hour.”

“Okay, mum. Oh, can you get some muffins?”

Effie chuckles, “Sure, Jamie.”

“Thanks.”

Regulus looks away when James turns to him, still pretending to be upset. 

“Regulus.”

Regulus pointedly ignores him. 

“Love, come on.”

“You betrayed me.”

James laughs softly. “I’m very, very sorry.”

“I’m never looking at your pretty face ever again.”

“If you think you can, then go for it. As long as I can look at you.”

Regulus refuses to acknowledge the furious blush on his cheeks. 

“Of course I can.”

“Okay, then.”

James kisses his cheek and turns back to his book, and Regulus continues staring at the wall for about twenty seconds before he peeks over at James, only to see him already looking at him, smiling widely. 

Regulus rolls his eyes, “Fuck off.”

He scooches closer and grabs James’ face with his hands, pulling him close before kissing him, the butterflies in his stomach erupting into a swarm, trying to break out of his chest along with his fast-beating heart. 

Regulus feels like he’s on fire when James slips his hand under his shirt, toying with the hem of his binder but in a way that makes Regulus fond and not uncomfortable. James makes him feel as if the binder is a part of his body, as if what’s underneath was never there and that James will never care about it because he loves Regulus and not Raine. He never knew Raine and he never will. 

As far as James cares, the binder is a part of him. And it’s not like he doesn’t want to kiss when Regulus is not wearing it. It’s not like he doesn’t actively make sure Regulus isn’t wearing it for too long at a time. 

Eventually, they pull away, and James immediately buries his face in Regulus’ neck, giggling. 

Regulus smiles, god, he loves him so much. 

“James, that tickles.”

“Too bad. You smell too good, I’m not leaving.”

Regulus laughs, running his fingers through James’ curls and burying his nose in his hair. 

“Alright, love birds, no need for so much PDA.”

Regulus jumps when he hears Annie’s voice, looking up to find her smirking at them like the Cheshire cat. 

James clears his throat, “We weren’t- um- we were just-”

Annie laughs, “Oh, don’t worry lad. I finished early, wanna start heading to your house?”

“Oh- um, sure.”

They pack their stuff together and start heading to the door, but then an old lady comes up to them and asks Regulus why he has a dog and that it’s not allowed and of course that causes Annie to have a screaming match with her for half an hour during which Regulus and James share uncomfortable glances while she insults the lady’s grandchild and calls her an old hag. 

Monty is the one to open the door, and as soon as he does a powerful smell of curry hits them all right in the face, sending Regulus into a coughing fit. 

He ends up sitting by the sitting room window for twenty minutes, trying to save his lungs, while James sits next to him and actually eats an entire raw chilli. 

Fucking show off. 

Apart from the occasional drop of chilli-juice that lands on Regulus’ face because James is a fucking savage, it’s nice. 

The cool air is blowing softly against his face, and James is humming, his foot leaning against Regulus’, his warmth radiating off of him like he’s the sun. 

Regulus leans his head onto his arms which are on the windowsill, and takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. 

Naturally, he falls asleep. 

And instead of waking him up for dinner, James seems to have carried him to the sofa and tucked him in, which is where Regulus wakes up at 11 p.m., finding James snoring from an armchair next to him. 

He rolls his eyes and gets up, pressing a clumsy kiss to James face as he stumbles by and finds a bowl under a tea towel with a sticky note saying: ‘in case you wake up hungry, love Effie’. 

He devours it, goes to take a piss, burps on the way and thanks any god that will listen that no one heard it and walks back to the sitting room. 

He stands there, contemplating whether he’d be strong enough to carry James up the stairs before deciding, no, he definitely wouldn’t and grabs his blanket before crawling on top of James and covering them both with it. 

The only way he fits is lying bridal style on James’ lap, but Regulus finds he doesn’t mind all that much and buries his nose in James’ neck, breathing in. 

He pulls back, watching him for a few seconds, then carefully pulls his askew glasses off his face, places them on the coffee table, tucks a strand of hair behind his ear, kisses every inch of his face and finally settles his head on his shoulder, letting his eyes fall back closed.