The Great Hall was unusually peaceful during breakfast. Students chatted and ate, the clinking of cutlery filling the air. At the staff table, Dumbledore sipped his tea serenely, the picture of a man who thought he had everything under control. Naturally, that was about to change.
The double doors burst open with a dramatic BANG, slamming into the stone walls with enough force to make the enchanted ceiling flicker. Every head turned as Astra Potter strolled in like a conquering hero, wand tucked behind her ear, an oversized book under her arm, and a manic grin plastered across her face.
“DUMBLEDORE!” she bellowed, voice echoing off the walls.
Dumbledore blinked slowly, his tea cup halfway to his lips. “Yes, Miss Potter?”
She marched down the aisle, theatrically dodging invisible obstacles as though she were still navigating the Triwizard maze. Reaching the staff table, she slammed the book down in front of him. The Comprehensive Guide to Magical Safety Hazards gleamed in embossed lettering.
“We need to talk about your blatant disregard for student safety!”
A collective gasp filled the hall.
“My… what?” Dumbledore asked, his calm demeanor faltering.
“Blatant disregard!” Astra spun on her heel, addressing the entire student body like a prophet preaching from the mountaintop. “Let’s take it from the top, shall we? Year one: The third-floor corridor. You announce that it’s off-limits unless we want to die a horrible death. And then oh, what a surprise it’s hiding a giant three-headed dog guarding a trapdoor!”
Students started to snicker as Dumbledore sighed, long and slow.
“Which, by the way,” Astra continued, pacing in front of the staff table, “I bypassed with my friends. We were eleven! Did you think a riddle and a chess set would stop a group of bored preteens?” She gestured dramatically at the hall. “At least throw in a dragon or something next time oh wait, you did that in the Triwizard Tournament! My bad!”
“Miss Potter,” McGonagall said sharply, though her lips twitched.
“No, Professor, let her continue,” Snape drawled, smirking behind his goblet.
Astra whirled on Dumbledore. “Year two. GIANT SNAKE IN THE WALLS. And let me guess did you think to warn anyone about the deadly basilisk slithering around? No, you left it to me, a twelve-year-old with a pointy stick, to figure it out.” She threw her hands in the air. “I didn’t even get a thank-you note!”
“That was a most unfortunate series of events,” Dumbledore said, though his voice lacked conviction.
“Oh, we’re not done!” Astra leaned over the staff table. “Year three: Dementors! Literal soul-sucking demons floating around the school grounds. Did you consult anyone about this, or did you just think, ‘Oh, the kids will love it’?”
By now, the hall was in chaos. Students howled with laughter, the Slytherins banging the table in approval. Even the Ravenclaws, typically too dignified for such antics, were grinning.
“Miss Potter..”
“And don’t get me started on year four,” Astra continued, cutting him off. “The Triwizard Tournament. You threw me into a magical death gauntlet without even asking! Dragons! Merfolk! A maze with homicidal shrubbery! And bloody Voldemort Is that your idea of a good time?” She paused, squinting at him. “Do you hate me, sir? Is this revenge for all the detentions?”
“Detentions you earned,” McGonagall muttered, but she was clearly holding back laughter.
Astra pointed at her. “And don’t think you’re off the hook, Professor! Where were you when I was being attacked by rogue grindylows? I thought we Gryffindors were your favorites!”
The students roared with laughter, and even McGonagall’s composure cracked as she covered her mouth.
Dumbledore rubbed his temples, looking more his age than he ever had. “Miss Potter, I assure you, every measure I take is for the safety and education of my students.”
“Oh, is it?” Astra snapped, flipping open her book. “Because according to this ‘Chapter Five: Magical Workplace Hazards’ Hogwarts violates at least sixteendifferent codes. Did you know that hiring werewolves without proper disclosure is illegal? Because you should.”
At this, Flitwick, seated at the staff table, choked on his tea.
“And don’t even get me started on the staircases,” Astra continued. “Moving stairs? Who designed this place? A drunk architect with a grudge?” She turned to the hall, waving her arms. “I tripped on those things last week, and I’ve got a bruise the size of Wales!”
Snape snorted audibly, earning a glare from Dumbledore.
“And finally!” Astra slammed the book shut. “How many times have I saved this school? Three? Four? I’m losing count. I think it’s only fair that I get a raise.”
“A raise?” Dumbledore repeated, incredulous.
“Yes, a raise. I want a paycheck, lemon drops on demand, and a plaque in the Great Hall. Oh, and a student discount at Honeydukes. Non-negotiable.”
The hall exploded into cheers and applause. Dumbledore slumped in his chair, looking utterly defeated as Astra took an exaggerated bow.
“Thank you, Hogwarts,” she said grandly, strolling back toward the doors. “You’re welcome for everything.”
As she left, McGonagall leaned toward Dumbledore, eyes twinkling. “You do realize she’s going to take over the school one day, don’t you?”
Dumbledore groaned. “Heaven help us all.”