Dumblebore's Lessons
Ah, the humans are all stressed out, aren’t they? Voldemort’s back, everyone’s panicking, and yet, there I am, the one being totally reasonable about the whole thing. While everyone else is running around like chickens—er, witches and wizards—with their heads cut off, I’ve got it all figured out: snacks, naps, and occasional drama. In fact, it’s amazing how people forget how important naps are when they’re all stressed about horcruxes and dark magic.
Honestly, these humans need to get their priorities straight.
Take Harry, for example. Dumbledore pulls him aside for these mysterious lessons, talking about Voldemort’s past and all that boring stuff. I don’t really care about Voldemort’s tragic backstory or what kind of dark magic he’s into, but I do care about the fact that no one seems to understand that I need my personal space in the sunbeam by the window.
“Crookshanks, behave,” Hermione always says when I curl up in my sunny spot, stretching out my paws and squinting in the perfect slant of sunlight.
“Crookshanks, stop rolling around in the parchment,” she sighs as I sprawl out right across the notes Harry's taking.
But do I care? No. I’ve learned that when humans are caught up in important stuff, like plotting against the Dark Lord, they’re too distracted to pay attention to my leisurely ways.
So, there I was, chilling in my sunbeam while Harry and Dumbledore had one of those serious talks. I’ll admit, I wasn’t paying all that much attention, but I caught a few words here and there. Something about Horcruxes. Dark magic. Harry looking confused, which—honestly?—wasn’t all that surprising.
“Crookshanks, please,” Hermione said, looking at me like I was causing all the problems. “Do you have to be so obnoxious?”
I simply blinked. What did she expect me to do? Lie down and pretend to be serious? No, thank you. Besides, with the humans so distracted, it was the perfect time for a little… fun.
At some point, Harry was so lost in one of Dumbledore’s cryptic explanations that he accidentally nudged a whole pile of books closer to my sunspot.
Oh, so that’s how it’s going to be, I thought, narrowing my eyes at the pile of books. They were right there, in my space.
I stretched out slowly, giving them a dramatic once-over, and then—whoops!—a quick swipe of my paw, and they tumbled over in a glorious cascade of parchment, leather, and ancient knowledge.
There. That should give them something to do. Honestly, though, I think they were more annoyed with the mess than they were concerned about dark magic. I could hear Dumbledore chuckling lightly, though he quickly turned the sound into a cough when Harry gave him a puzzled look.
Harry groaned. “Crookshanks! Could you not?”
And Dumbledore? Oh, he was no help. He just sat there with that twinkle in his eye, looking way too amused at my antics. “It’s only a matter of time, Harry. Cats have their own sense of timing.”
Well, that’s the truth, old man. I knew what I was doing. The best part? They still didn’t notice that I’d learned far more about Horcruxes from my eavesdropping than Harry did from his own lessons. I may not know exactly what a Horcrux is (I mean, I’m not a wizard, for goodness’ sake), but I certainly know when things are getting too heavy.
“Oh, so now they’re talking about this… Voldemort guy again?” I mused, my tail flicking lazily. “Honestly, this is the least dramatic bit of the day. I just need more snacks.”
I made a mental note to find a way to steal some of whatever Harry had hidden in his bag. I’d earned it. But not before getting a good nap in—there’s nothing worse than having to listen to humans drone on about important matters when you could be lounging in a sunbeam.
But, just in case they forgot about the seriousness of their tasks, I gave them a little more chaos to deal with—one last dramatic leap onto the pile of books I had just knocked over, just to make sure they understood who was in charge here. My tail flicked across Dumbledore’s carefully laid-out notes, sweeping them in the air.
“You’re welcome,” I purred with satisfaction.
Harry and Dumbledore shared an exhausted look, but at least I had their attention now. The chaos had been achieved, and my mission was complete.
I yawned and stretched once more, finally closing my eyes for a well-deserved nap. Let them figure out the rest of their problems. I had snacks to find.