Chapter 1
Lily Evans possessed an encyclopedic knowledge of the flower she had been likened to throughout her life. They symbolize purity, renewal, and love in various cultures. Lilies belonged to the Lilium genus and were celebrated for their beauty and symbolic significance. She knew that. Boys were unoriginal, she knew that too. She learned a lot, and she liked it that way. Lily was a bright individual, she had no problem on tests or classwork. She excelled academically, effortlessly acing tests and classwork. That said, she did struggle with her studying habits. She often found herself cramming assignments at the last minute, much to the chagrin of her friend Remus Lupin, who constantly tried to remind her of impending deadlines. He made it a point to remind her how many days before the assignment was due, which she was grateful for, although it scarcely helped.
This is how she ended up on the Quidditch pitch at 6:30 a.m., preparing for her upcoming potions test with Professor Horace Slughorn. Lily hadn't initially planned to study there, but the cool, quiet fall morning at the pitch was a stark contrast to the bustling Gryffindor common room. While she adored her friends, she appreciated Marlene's—how could she put it?—animated way of life, as well as Mary's penchant for, well, rambling. She needed a tranquil environment to focus. So far, it has proven to be the perfect environment for her uninterrupted studies.
“Lily?” Turning her head, she was pleasantly surprised to see her childhood friend, Severus Snape. Their recent sorting into different houses had caused a slight distance between them, but she always cherished their encounters.
“Hi, Sev.” Lily smiled warmly, gesturing for him to join her. He took a seat beside her and couldn't help but chuckle when he realized what she was doing.
He brushed his hair away from his face and shook his head. “I'll never understand how you manage to be at the top of our class while studying under such stressful conditions.” Lily laughed in response, brushing his comment off.
They fell into their usual comfortable silence, a silence that had been their guide since they were nine years old. Severus Snape had been Lily's best friend for years, and their bond had only deepened over time. Until they arrived at Hogwarts, that is. Lily never held it against him; she understood Severus better than he understood himself. When they were sorted into different houses, she had imagined what would happen. Severus would strive to fit in with his new crowd, and she forgave him for it the moment the Sorting Hat called out "Slytherin."
To her surprise, Severus's attitude toward her hadn't changed since their sorting into different houses. He had made other friends, but he remained true to himself when he was with Lily. In her heart, they were still best friends. While she had grown closer to Mary, Marlene, and Remus since their time at Hogwarts began, Severus had always stuck around, providing a unique comfort in such a jarring environment. Lily couldn't deny the ease she found in her relationship with Severus Snape. Even when he acclimated his personality to fit in with others, it never mattered to Lily. She could accept his attempts to fit in because she knew that he would always seek her out, somewhere quiet and safe, to apologize. And Lily always forgave him, because he never let it get too far. Severus had a knack for shying away from making derogatory comments about Lily's Muggle-born status, something she didn't particularly care about anyway. As for Severus's friends, Lily didn't bother learning their names. She didn't believe they would ever be on friendly terms because of her Muggle-born heritage, a frequent issue she encountered with many Slytherins, whom she usually avoided. The only interactions she had with Slytherins were in her classes, where she often found herself pitted against the incredibly talented Dorcas Meadowes, who shared the top spot in their class with Lily. Otherwise, Lily only spoke with Severus, and she was content with that.
"What brought you to the Quidditch pitch of all places? You hate Quidditch," Severus asked, breaking the comfortable silence between them.
It was an accurate observation; Lily had never been a fan of Quidditch. She found the sport itself confusing, with rules that made no sense, and the idea of people trying to knock each other off brooms while flying 50 feet in the air was not something she particularly enjoyed witnessing. She had attended a few matches in her second year when Mary and Marlene had made the team, and once this year, primarily to offer moral support to Remus, who had an uncanny skill for making commitments to social events he didn't want to attend.
"Nobody was signed up for practice today, so I thought it would be the most peaceful place to study. It has nothing to do with actually wanting to watch Quidditch," Lily replied, rolling her eyes but smiling as she turned to Severus.
However, she noticed a small, knowing smile on his face. "What?" Lily chuckled, tilting her head. Severus's smile only grew wider. "Sev! What?" she asked, playfully scoffing and lightly shoving the boy next to her. He laughed and raised his hands in a pacifying gesture. "Severus Snape, tell me what you're laughing at," Lily groaned, unable to hide her curiosity. Soon enough she was met with the sound of laughing and yelling."No way. No fucking way! You’re joking."
Lily stood, placing her hands on the rail of the stands, leaning forward to see what was causing the commotion. Her eyes widened in surprise as she saw the Slytherin Quidditch team gathered below. She audibly groaned and turned to gather her things, fully intent on finding a quieter place to study. To her surprise, Severus had already expected her reaction and was prepared to change their study location, a small smile on his face as he held out a hand, holding her bag of books. Their unique friendship was built on moments like these, where they understood each other without the need for words. She smiled, taking the bag from him.
As the Slytherin Quidditch team stepped onto the field, a member whose name Lily didn't know yelled from the pitch, "Hey Snape! Hanging out with your girlfriend again?" It was one of the downsides of spending so much time alone with her best friend, Severus. It's not that Lily thought Severus was unattractive or incapable of being a wonderful boyfriend; she simply wasn't interested in him romantically. She often tried to dispel these rumors by introducing Severus to her Gryffindor friends, hoping that by spending more time with him openly, it wouldn't look like they were in a relationship. But when Severus was around, a strange sense of jealousy would sometimes creep into her interactions with her friends James and Sirius. She recognized that both James and Sirius were genuinely good people, each with their unique qualities. James, in particular, was unfailingly kind and protective, always ready to stand up for Lily, even when she could handle matters herself. Sirius, on the other hand, had a fiery and spirited demeanor, which always reminded her of Marlene. Separately, the Gryffindor boys in her year were wonderful, and she couldn't deny that they were growing into rather lovely young men. However, when Severus, James, and Sirius were together, it was a different story. They could be unbelievably rude to each other. Lily knew the underlying reason for this behavior, particularly in James's case. She saw the way he looked at her, though she had repeatedly made it clear that she wasn't interested in him romantically. While James Fleamont Potter was one of the most loving and outgoing people Lily had ever met, that didn't change her feelings. Sirius wasn't romantically interested in Lily, which she knew well, but where there was a Sirius, there was a James; the two were practically inseparable. So, Sirius joined in their disdain for her best friend.
Lily knew that Severus wasn't a bad person; she didn't owe her Gryffindor friends an explanation for her close friendship with him, and she wished the byproduct of spending time with Severus wasn't that everyone in school assumed they were dating. She simply preferred to be in his company alone. "We were just leaving, thank you!" She shouted from the stands, stomping down the steps before exiting at the bottom, to her surprise, she was met with a face she knew well. Dorcas Meadowes. "Hello, can I help you with something?" Lily smiled as politely as she could.
Dorcas shook her head, simply motioning to the stack of books in Lily's hands. "Good luck today, Evans." Lily grimaced, this was not what she needed right now. She knew her procrastination skills were terrible and she didn't need some overly-confident Slytherin pointing them out like everyone else. She simply rolled her eyes and walked away, Severus trailing behind her. She could hear comments being made about her from the Quidditch pitch, none that she particularly cared to rebuttal, but of course, Severus did.
"Aren't you going to tell them to stop calling you that, Lily?" Severus was walking beside her now, frequently looking between the pitch and his best friend. Lily simply shook her head, she didn't want to give anyone the satisfaction or the remote idea that she thought her blood status was lesser. She was top of her class, if that wasn't enough to prove to them she was brilliant she would never be able to.
"No Severus, I'm not. If they want to believe that I'm lesser in some way because of my parents then so be it. I can't prove it to them, even if I took every one of them out in a duel. I don't see the point in arguing with them. I've just gotten over it." Which was true, partially. She could handle being called mudblood by a group of Slytherins with no impact on her actual life. It didn't bother her one bit, their opinions didn't matter. However, it did hurt when Sirius would accidentally use the term mudblood instead of muggle-born. She knew who Sirius lived with, the House of Black were some of the most uptight prestigious losers Lily had ever heard of. But, just because he was raised to say mudblood didn't mean it wasn't a stab to the gut anytime he said it. He never meant it insultingly or to harm Lily, most of the time he used it in a casual voice; almost like he forgot the word was horrible. And James would smack him upside the head when he said it, reminding him in a stern voice that he shouldn't say that, and Sirius would apologize. But, apologies don't heal the wound because they're accepted. Lily held a resentment for Sirius for it, a silly resentment she knew she would grow out of as Sirius grew with her; but she was a kid, and she could hold as many grudges as she wanted.
She and Severus walked in silence the rest of the way to the library, and Lily let out a sigh as she sat down in the peace of it all. Severus walked towards the shelves, clearly intending to do some studying of his own. She took out her books, flipping through them to find the page she had just been studying. She was barely halfway down the page when a friendly face sat down at her table, Remus Lupin. "Hey, Evans." He smiled, taking out some homework to finish it. Lily smiled at him briefly. "Cramming in your studying for the potions exam we have in....two hours? Fucks sake Lily."
Lily chuckled, her laughter tinged with both amusement and exasperation. She sighed, propping her elbows on the table, and ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. She loved Remus and his never-ending teasing. He wasn't from a wizarding family, having grown up orphaned. She felt bad for her friend, of course, but the more people from the real world the better. Finally, she groaned and rubbed her hands down her face, responding to Remus through her fingers. "I don't understand why this is so difficult for me. I love studying."
Remus chuckled, setting his quill down and placing a comforting hand on Lily's arm. "You burn yourself out too much, love. You're taking extra classes, and all of them are advanced. You may love studying, but you have to realize that you may love your friends more than you love your schoolwork." Lily laughed, taking her hands from her face and holding Remus's. Remus Lupin was an unbelievably genuine person, he spared people's feelings when need be, but most often he spoke his mind. It's truly why Lily never got tired of being around him. They had the same dry humor and Remus could sit in silence for hours just studying with her. He spent a lot of time with his friends of course, but Lily appreciated the moments he took to spend time with her. Remus is also one of the few people who respect Lily's choice to be friends with Severus Snape and wouldn't go out of his way to be rude to him if they were together. So when Severus sat down at the table, the three of them fell into a silent study session for the next hour until breakfast rolled around.
James Potter and Sirius Black could lie to themselves and say you couldn't hear them from a mile away, but you could. This is why, as 7:30 crept upon them and James's laugh began echoing throughout the halls, Severus began to gather his things. "I'll see you in Potions, then, Sev?" Severus didn't respond; he just placed his stack of books on the librarian's desk and walked out of the library in a hurry.
Remus looked at Lily with an obnoxious stare, as if to say, 'And you still want to be friends with him?' Lily pointedly turned back to her book as the library door swung open, and Sirius's arms soon enveloped Remus's stature. "Studying as usual you two?" Sirius Black could only be described in two words, Sirius Black. He grew up with enough money to be considered royalty, a luxury Lily envied constantly. He smiled like a Cheshire cat and always seemed ready for trouble. Sirius and Lily were not close, not enough for her to enjoy the trouble he caused at least. She knew Sirius had a hard life, but Lily never asked; Sirius never talked so she tallied his behavior to his home life and kept her respective distance from their friend group when she could.
“Yes, thank you. Would you be so sweet to let me do it in peace?” Remus sighed, shying away from Sirius's aggressive touch. Remus Lupin was very tall, and Lily assumed that as they got older, he would only grow more, and she also assumed Remus resented that. For as attractive as he was, Remus was not a person who enjoyed being noticed. He tended to avoid large groups of people, often spent time in the hospital wing or bed, and on some occasions, Lily would stumble upon him wandering the castle with a map in his hands. Remus also had large noticeable scars. He hid them, or tried to at the least.
Sirius ran a hand through Remus’s buzzed hair. Every year, in early fall, Remus Lupin would step onto the Hogwarts Express with hair shorter than when he left and more scars. Lily never asked as Remus didn’t seem to enjoy sharing the information. She hoped whatever he was experiencing was just an accident, though she was doubtful. “Breakfast is in a few minutes.” Sirius smiled, still combing a hand through Remus’ hair. She watched as Remus shivered at Sirius’ touch.
The two of them had a strange relationship; Lily had decided that in their second year. Mainly because that year, after Remus had spent nearly a week in the hospital wing, Sirius would not let him out of his sight. He followed him to classes for three days, getting about a month's worth of detentions, but Sirius didn’t care; he only smiled and ignored any questions. Lily liked that about Sirius, although she didn't understand him, she admired his undeniable love for his friends.
“You sitting near us, Evans?” James said, playfully pushing Sirius away from Remus. Lily sighed. James had made a fool out of himself once or twice every year by asking her out, and she hated it. “I’ll be sitting wherever Mary and Marlene sit, Potter.” James nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“I look forward to it.” He winked, before dragging Sirius and Peter out of the library, Remus gathering his things and following suit. Peter Pettigrew. Lily liked him, she supposed. But he was James' friend, and well, he was more of an afterthought. Quiet like a mouse, a round kid but shorter than his friends. She didn't notice him often, she didn't have to, but she still felt guilty about it. Lily didn’t want to go to breakfast; she would’ve rather spent the time studying, but Mary had expressed the need to talk to her about her relationship with Marlene. Marlene and Mary did not have a relationship, to start. It was what Lily considered, agonizing sexual tension. Mary and Marlene were her best friends, who often stuck their tongues down each other's throats as ‘practice’. So Lily trudged to the Great Hall, finding her two best friends along the way.
“Lils!” Marlene called out to her, grabbing her attention by wrapping an arm around her, Mary linking her arm on the other side. She smiled as her friends greeted her and explained her absence from the dorms this morning. “I have always envied your ability to keep all that information in your head, y'know?” Marlene laughed, walking in unison as they seated themselves beside the boys.
Lily spent almost the entirety of breakfast in the middle of two conversations. One, happening between Mary and Marlene, who was going to wear what for the upcoming trip to Hogsmeade. As third years, they could finally travel into the small town that bordered their school, and in Mary’s words, “We’re going to look so hot, Hogsmeade won’t know what hit them.”
The second conversation was more of an argument, rather hushed, going on between the four boys. Lily could barely make sense of what they were talking about and all in all, wasn’t listening, except for when Sirius would shove James and by association, Lily. Eventually, she spoke up,
“Sirius, will you please cut that out?”
The boys turned, horrified, to Lily. “Cut what out?” he muttered. Lily raised her eyebrow at him. The four of them often made ridiculous plans and pranks to get themselves into trouble, and Lily had no doubt that’s precisely what they were whispering about. “Shoving James? You’re shoving him right into me.” As the words left her mouth, three of the four boys let out a breath of relief, except for Remus, who still looked on edge. Lily smiled apologetically at Remus, in an attempt to calm him, but it only seemed to turn his nervous look from worry into panic. After which, she turned her head back to her conversation with Mary and Marlene, not wanting to cause him any more stress accidentally. She would clear it up later, hopefully.
As breakfast came to an end, and students began ushering to their first period, Lily couldn’t help but chew nervously at the inside of her lip. She noticed, over the years, that the more classes she took, the more she developed the habit. She stressed about tests and hated to fail. Lily knew from a very early age she wanted to succeed; it was engraved in her. So as she approached the door to her potions class, she couldn't help but feel her stomach drop.
Lily made her way to her typical seat, smiling at her professor. Lily knew the test material, the worry was who she would be working with. If she was paired with a Slytherin, they usually argued until Professor Slughorn agreed to change their partner; and she wasn’t really in the mood to delay her test any longer. As the rest of her class piled in, Severus took his seat next to her. She hoped that Professor Slughorn would allow them to work together. Severus was extraordinary at potions and was easily the best in their year. Lily would have no worries about taking this test if the two of them were doing it together.
“Boys and girls, I’ve postponed our test today.” The room erupted into whispers. The last time Slughorn postponed a potions test was in 1972 when he had gotten deathly ill and rumor had it he still showed up to monitor the test the next day. Lily sighed, while she was satisfied she wouldn’t have to stress about her preparation for this test; she had woken up at 5:00 a.m. to study for it. With a hand, Professor Slughorn quieted the room, smiling. “I have merely decided to instead involve you in a group project-” As students began to look around at each other, silently confirming their partners, Slughorn grinned. “With assigned partners.” Lily wasn’t worried, she had plenty of friends in the class and there was no doubt if Slughorn placed her with almost anyone in the Slytherin house they would demand to be switched.
As Slughorn began naming partners, Lily strummed her fingers on her knee, chewing on the inside of her lip. She didn’t have anything against partnering with her friends, but it didn’t mean she wouldn’t prefer to be paired with someone who enjoyed studying and working as much as she did. “Remus Lupin and Marlene Mckinnon.” There go two of her friends. “James Potter and Mary Macdonald.” Two more. “Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew.” Two more. “Severus Snape and Caspar Avery.” That was everyone. Which meant Lily did not know who she would partner with even remotely. Slughorn must’ve sensed Lily’s anxiety and decided to properly torture her; as her name was the last to be called. “Lily Evans and Dorcas Meadowes.”
Dorcas Meadows was a goddess among women—there was no denying it. She carried herself with an effortless grace, her broad frame exuding strength, and her head always held high. She rarely spoke, but her presence alone was enough to intimidate. She always wore gold jewelry in the braids that fell from her head to the small of her back. She wore gold often, and even the unflattering school uniforms couldn’t detract from her impressive appearance. On the Quidditch pitch, she was a force to be reckoned with. In James Potter’s words, she was “one of the best players the school’s ever seen.”
From the moment they started at Hogwarts, Lily Evans had loathed her. Dorcas was a pureblood, sorted into Slytherin, and everything about her seemed designed to make Lily feel inferior. Being in Dorcas’ presence was unimaginable. She had a way of making the people she liked feel spectacular, while those she disliked knew their place—and Lily had never felt anything from Dorcas other than indifference. Bland. That’s how Dorcas Meadows made her feel.
Lily tried to remind herself that she had a good life, filled with friends she loved and achievements she was proud of. She was a kind person, wasn’t she? A good person. But even she had to accept her circle was small. Mary, Marlene, Severus, and Remus were her true friends. The rest, including the Marauders, were simply friends. James, Sirius, and Peter played only a part in her life—secondary characters who sometimes barged into the spotlight. Dorcas, on the other hand, seemed to command a kingdom. She was surrounded by a crowd of admirers, every Slytherin she chose to know hanging on her every word.
What a woman.
“Evans. Are you paying attention or zoning out?”
Lily snapped out of her thoughts as Dorcas waved a hand in front of her face, an impatient frown forming on her perfect features. The scoff that followed made Lily’s stomach twist with a mix of guilt and irritation. Dorcas looked more offended than angry, though the hint of annoyance in her dark eyes was unmistakable.
Lily’s instinct was to placate. She hated making people upset. “Yes, sorry,” she said softly. “Apologies, I’m paying attention now. What was it?” She added a small, apologetic smile for good measure.
Dorcas studied her for a moment before relenting, settling gracefully into her seat and crossing her legs. Her posture was flawless, and Lily found herself sitting up straighter without thinking. “I said,” Dorcas repeated, her tone even, “Are you okay with this arrangement? I can ask to be paired with someone else if you’d prefer. I know we’re not really friends.”
Lily shook her head quickly, waving her hand. “No, it’s fine. As long as you’re okay with it, I think this is a lovely idea.” And she meant it. Two of the school’s brightest witches combining forces? It was practically a feminist victory.
Dorcas nodded, pulling out a pristine planner and flipping through its pages. “I’ve got a Quidditch match against Hufflepuff this Saturday, but I’m free to start working on Sunday. Is that alright with you?”
“That works perfectly,” Lily replied, jotting down the date in her notebook. “It’s a date.”
To her surprise, Dorcas laughed at that. It was a rich sound, and Lily felt an unexpected warmth at having caused it. Something was intoxicating about making someone like Dorcas laugh. She was everything Lily aspired to be: strong, confident, commanding. Lily considered herself strong in her way, grounded in her morals, and sharp with her words, but she wasn’t Dorcas. She hadn’t been ordering boys around since she was eleven, boys like Regulus Black and Barty Crouch Jr. who seemed as dangerous as they were privileged. Dorcas’ friends were a terrifyingly polished group of purebloods.
Evan Rosier was a reckless teenage boy with at least some sense of restraint, unlike his partner-in-crime Barty Crouch Jr., who once blew off a student’s eyebrows for fun. Pandora Rosier, Evan’s twin sister, was the exception: whimsical, almost otherworldly, and one of the few Slytherins Lily didn’t find insufferable. They’d had a few pleasant conversations, though Pandora’s dreamy demeanor reminded her of potheads in her hometown. And then there was Regulus Black, Sirius’ younger brother. A seeker with an uncanny knack for humiliating Gryffindor’s team, particularly Marlene. Regulus was an enigma, as cold and cutting as the rest of his house but with a quiet intensity that Lily found unsettling. She disliked him more than the rest of them.
The rest of the lesson passed quickly as Lily and Dorcas worked together to plan their project. The assignment was straightforward: recreate a potion they’d brewed in the second year and present its history. They decided on the Wiggenweld Potion. Lily offered to gather supplies in Hogsmeade while Dorcas focused on her upcoming match.
As they left class and headed to their next, Lily let her friends’ chatter fade into the background. Her thoughts were still on Dorcas. There was something about her laugh, something about the way she carried herself, that Lily couldn’t shake. She rarely felt this way about anyone, not even boys. It was admiration. Or envy. Or maybe something else entirely.
The thought brought a blush to her cheeks, which she quickly attributed to nerves. Turning to Mary and Marlene, she began discussing outfit plans for the weekend.