Pure Sinners

Lily pushed through her front door with all the force of a tornado. The clock above the stove informed her it was much too late (well early) for her noise, but she didn’t care. Her time with Riddle had been eventful, and she was annoyed. If she had to be awake at three in the bloody morning after not having slept in days, everyone else should be up as well.  

It wasn’t that her talk with Riddle wasn’t beneficial - if anything he had told her more than her research would ever have revealed, but it was frustrating to always be in the dark. To always be the one needing help, she was tired of being the one with puzzle pieces whilst he had the whole picture.

 It was grating on her nerves. 

*

“Not much” Lily had said, in response to his enquiry, rolling her eyes when Riddle only raised an eyebrow. “He’s the current chief of police, he mainly works in the station over in Bishopsgate..or from home.” She looked up to Riddle - Not to check her facts were correct, just because he was there. 

“He has only one living relative. A brother, who has been removed from each and every official directory involving the family name…” she rolled her eyes dramatically “…his younger sister is deceased…i-i couldn’t find a date of death, nor a cause. Only that her name was Ariana..she was 14 at the time.” Riddle's left nostril twitched, he was disappointed in her search. 

“..I found some letters from a man called Gellert.” She hadn’t meant to tell him that but the pit of shame had opened and she had needed to prove herself. Riddle leaned forward in his chair, only a few inches but he might have well been jumping up and down with excitement. 

Lily briefly contemplated not telling him, she would just stand and walk out. She would leave him there, on the edge of his seat wanting for more.

 She didn’t. 

“They were lovers. Gellert was propositioning marriage, which obviously wasn’t a legal possibility. They had fought, about that and about Gellert's criminal career. Dumbledore knew of his lover’s work and did nothing, even as he rose through the policing ranks. It was only after his promotion to deputy chief that Dumbledore turned Gellert in for his crimes…well some of his crimes. Most of them remained buried..I-i couldn’t find the reason for that though, just that the paper trails they found were heavily redacted and therefore dismissed as evidence.” Riddle smiled and Lily released a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding. 

“Not bad” Riddle commended as he called the butler, who looked sicker than Lily had seen him. He’d aged poorly, his white hair thinning greatly in the time since her visits. He was missing a few of his yellow teeth and his hands shook as he carried the Tea tray into the room. 

Once they were situated with cups of tea, Riddle began to speak. “You’re research, though heavy-handed..” He admonished gently, “was rather well done. Yes, Dumbledore's sister did die at a tender age, what you will not find recorded anywhere was that it was he who killed her.” He had paused as though expecting her to gasp, but Lily could not exactly say she hadn’t thought about it. 

Riddle nodded, approving of her openness “quite. He and his brother were arguing. They were young and reckless.” Riddle rolled his eyes as though the display of emotion were more vile than the murder. “The brother recons the argument was likely over Gellert himself, but clams he cannot remember. Their sister had run out to see what the noise was, as the brothers were fighting on the ground. She had tried to stop them. She was hit by a stray fist. The force of it too much for her. Died on impact, indisputable. What was disputable though was which of the brothers had hit her.” He sipped his tea, grimacing and adding more milk. “It was a rather large scandal at the time. Dumbledore's brother took the fall, though he still claims that he never hit her” Lily fought the urge to interrupt, desperate for more information. 

“Dumbledore went on to join the force, he moved up quickly. Some who knew of his connection to Gellert speculated he was fed information. He wasn’t.” Riddle stated, very sure of himself. Lily blinked at the smug expression on her mentor's face. “He was never just Gellert’s lover, he was his partner.” This time Lily's jaw did unhinge, just slightly. 

Riddle stifled a smile, before succumbing to a laugh. His laugh was controlled and quiet, stilling after a moment. “Indeed. Dumbledore was the head of the very crime agency he is famous for dispatching.”  He paused and Lily couldn’t help the questions that flew from her mouth. 

“How did he cover up his involvement?”

“Why didn’t Gellert say anything?”

“Why didn’t the brother?”

“The members surely wouldn’t have liked him getting away with it all?”

“How do you know this?”      

Riddle laughed at the onslaught, uttering only one word in response “Loyalty”. He said it as though it were all that mattered, the crown jewels, the elixir of life. 

“Loyalty?” Lily repeated.

Riddle nodded and Lily could feel the desire as he spoke “His subjects were so loyal, they fell on their blades before they outed their king. Gellert loved him too much to ever confess the truth, even as he rots. Years and years pass and yet his loyalty is as strong as ever.” The word love sounds foreign in his mouth and Lily expects it is. 

“His brother bargained for his loyalty but he was loyal all the same. Unspoken connection. Familial loyalty is perhaps the most fragile of all, but it remains all the same.” Riddle’s voice was no longer wistful, it was aching and angry - something open and infected. “It’s what he offered me, when I joined them. A family…a real family. Full of smiles and love, doing what we must for the good of the people”. He paused, staring at his cold tea as Lily felt a shudder pass through her -as though somewhere, someone was walking over her grave. 

Lily knew Riddle had been an orphan, but he had never spoken of a connection to Dumbledore before. “I accepted, he took me in. Just like I took you in” Riddle said and for a moment he looked so young. So much younger than she had ever seen him, younger than he had ever been. “H-he was kind to me at first…” Riddle choked on the words as they left his mouth. “..He was a liar. Nothing but a filthy liar. He used me, then he threw me away when I outlived my usefulness” his voice was bitter like a lemon had been hidden in his tea. The words echoed through Lily's hollow bones, rattling the cage of her ribs with two solitary beats. 

Riddle looked to her with something desperate, something starving. “He sent me back. He turned Gellert in, rose to his position in the force and sent me back to the orphanage. Like it was nothing like I was nothing.” The tea cup clanked in his hands and he set it on the table so hard it chipped.  A small piece of china, white with a blue edging - severed from the place it belonged. 

Lily stared at the porcelain until it no longer hurt.  

Riddle laughed and Lily flinched at the sound, uncontrolled and pitchy. “I made a name for myself..” He said waving his arm against the air “..I survived, I fucking thrived all without that piece of shit.” The words were strangled, forced through his lips. 

Lily watched from her frozen body as Riddle became a boy built of emotion. “Then he decided to come after me. A few years before you were born, he came here. Tried to get me to turn myself in like it mattered to him. Like he wasn’t a fucking hypocrite!” The table shook against his words and all Lily could hear was thunder.

“I found you, and I thought perhaps you were my retribution…” his tone drove the air out of the room, Lily couldn’t breathe. “Or my redemption.” He rolled his eyes and breathed in sharply, swallowing air Lily couldn’t find. 

“Of course, you were neither, you were a child.” He paused, breathing out once. 

“I was going to leave you there.” He told her, and the honesty hit her harder than he ever had. 

“I would have if you hadn’t opened your eyes.” He laughed and Lily's lungs seised. She reached for the memory, finding nothing but mist. “You were so cold, up to your chin in a rubbish pile. You looked dead, or if you were alive - you looked like you’d be better off dead.” He paused, “but then you opened your eyes. The greenest eyes I’d ever seen.” He laughed again, loud enough to shake the walls.

 “You looked bored.”

“ There you were, a tiny little thing, freezing to death in an alley and you looked bored… I couldn’t understand it.” He looked to the ceiling as he always had before telling her a story as a child. 

“When I was young I had always coveted things I didn’t understand. I wanted to know everything, even things others thought worthless. So I took you…I saved you. And I never ever sent you back” He told her as though he expected her gratitude. He had saved her from a death she hadn’t known, he hadn’t abandoned her. He had feed her and clothed her and he wanted her thanks.

Part of her wanted to curse him. To scream that whilst he may have saved her life, he hadn’t given her a life worth living. She wanted to hit him and she wanted to cry. 

The rest of her wanted to thank him.

She wanted to tell him that she understood the sacrifices he’d made for her (she didn’t). 

She wanted to tell him that it was okay that he didn’t love her, she didn’t love him either (she did). 

She wanted to stare at him resolutely and shake his hand ( She wanted to hug him, perhaps more than anything else.)  

Lily said nothing, simply nodded at the man who had saved her and damned her in the same moment. 

“He’s still hunting me,” Riddle said, tone impersonal - moment gone. 

“There is a spy in the Death Eaters, and I need you to find them.” His order was so soft that Lily thought it may have been closer to a question than anything Riddle had said before.

 “A spy?” She asked, bewildered by the prospect. 

The words; Deny, deny or die. Rattled through her brain like a train on rusty tracks. 

“Yes, I suspect it’s a newer recruit. Likely young and low-ranking. No real threat but you know how I hate loose ends” he spoke as though reciting a poem. Lily nodded, she did know he hated loose ends - she was usually the one to clean them up. No change here.

 “I’m on it” she told him with a short smile, stolen from another time. He nodded “I know you are kitten” he smiled and it looked almost right. 

They had dinner, and then she left. Trudging down backroads on foot, no phone, no car. 

*

She opened the cupboard, grabbing the first glass she saw and filling it with water. She downed it, then filled the glass again. She felt a little better as she lowered the glass a second time and surveyed the apartment. Everything was mostly how she had left it, a few new cardboard boxes were stacked next to the trash but Lily didn’t care enough to investigate. The place was still standing and that’s all that mattered. 

She walked towards the bedrooms, watching her footsteps as to not wake the inhabitants. She veered right as she reached her room, instead opening the door to James’s room. He was lying face down on the bed, snoring softly. Lily smiled as she watched his back rise and fall. 

There was a book next to him on the bed and she knew he’d likely fallen asleep reading. She pushed the door open fully and stepped inside. Picking the battered thing up and placing it on the bedside table before she slid into the open space by the door. James stopped snoring as she pulled the covers over herself, and she knew she’d woken him.

 “Wh..ms?” He mumbled and Lily snorted. “Just me..go back to sleep” she whispered even as she felt him move, opening his eyes to face her. “Whe..re..y..oa..bee..n?” He spoke slightly clearer as he rubbed his hand over his face “wa..s..ti..me?”. “Just after three,” she said as she reached over to smooth his hair. 

“Mmmm” he said closing his eyes as her fingers moved along his scalp. “Wh..ere..been?” He asked again and Lily's fingers stilled. 

“Ill explain in the morning” she promised fighting a yawn. 

“MmmKkayy” James agreed as his arm swept out to pull her to his chest. 

Lily wasn’t annoyed by the position, and she didn’t have the energy to pretend so she simply relaxed her head against James’s chest. His heartbeat was steady and Lily could feel hers slowing in tempo. 

“St..op..thinkin” James said as his hand raked across her hair, hitting her in the eye as he went. “I can’t help it” Lily whispered as her brain considered the possible suspects again - so far she was up to five. Willmore or Yaxley were good guesses, they were relatively low-ranking members, who were known to be easy with a bribe. 

Amycus was also a possibility, he had made no secret of his desire to get out since his best-friends overdose, but Lily doubted he’d be the type to work with cops. Archer was also on Lil's list, for no real reason other than he always avoided eye contact with her, but hey she needed to consider all possibilities. Barty was the newest member on the list, he had been a very recent initiate and he had seemed very nervous about joining - perhaps he was having doubts. 

“I can hear it whirring” James said quietly. The sentence brings Lily a little further from her thoughts. His other hand began running circles over her arm and Lily thought it slightly impressive that both his hands were running in different directions with no real effort. 

“Whatcha thinking about?” James asked again and Lily sighed. She wasn’t going to be able to sleep until she told someone anyway. “Riddle thinks there’s a rat in the Death eaters” she said closing her eyes and inhaling the scent of James. His hands stopped abruptly and he took a sharp intake of breath “W-what?” He asked panic clear in his voice. 

Lily frowned, he was probably worried that he’d get in trouble with the cops, fuck. “It’s no biggie..” She tried to calm him “I'm on the hunt now, i’ll find me a rat. Don’t you worry”. This didn’t appear to calm James, if anything he seemed more tense at the news she was the one searching. Oh.. “I-it not dangerous or anything..you don’t need to worry,” she told him softly and James laughed.

Lily felt her cheeks heat and prayed he couldn’t see it in the moonlit room. “Are you blushing?” Shit, shit, shit. She pressed her face fully into James’s cotton-covered chest as he laughed again. “There’s no need to hide, I love it when you blush,” he told her gently. The honesty in his voice was a breath of fresh air in the stale room. “I just..” Lily tried but she couldn’t find the words.

 “Im glad it’s safe but I’m still going to worry,” James said as his hand resumed its path across her head. Lily didn’t speak and James confessed “I always worry about you, have since that day you fought Sirius in the ring”.

 Lily felt her eyebrows raise, that was a lifetime ago. Had he really cared, all the way back then. “really?” Her voice sounded sceptical, but the undercurrent of hope was too telling. She felt James move his head as he spoke ”god yeah, I couldn’t explain it..still can’t really. I was worried about you fighting Sirius only for you to be 100 times better than him..” Lily made a small noise of protest but didn’t correct him. “..and then when we left you with Riddle. We waited outside, did you know that?” Lily felt her body root itself to the bed. No, she had not known that. 

“We heard him yelling..heard a couple of his hits too” Lily moved only to uncross her fingers as James continued “..I-i wanted to go back for you..” She felt her heart skip and wondered what was wrong with the useless organ. 

“I wish I had, that day still haunts me. It was awful” She felt James shiver under the warm blanket. Lily knew he wanted to ask, she wondered how long it would take him. 

“Why do you let him do that to you?” James asked voice nothing more than a breath. Lily's eyes widened, that was not what she thought he would ask. Everyone always wanted to know what Riddle did, not why. She pulled James’s hand from her shoulder, threading her fingers through his as she spoke. “I don’t really know…” she confessed unsure of why she was telling him this. “..at first I was too young to do anything, then I was too scared..” She paused, looking to James and his stupidly kind eyes. “..for a while, I thought I deserved it, maybe I still do” she finished with a shrug. 

The movement was unnatural and Lily winced at how robotic she seemed. 

“You don’t,” James said, earnest in a way only boys with eyes like his could be. Lily stared into the endless chocolate pools as James spoke again.  “you don’t. You know, in case you needed to hear it.” He said it as though it didn’t matter. He said it as though it wasn’t the exact thing Lily needed. 

Her heart swelled - an obvious sign of a blood clot, and impending organ failure. 

She debated not saying anything else, just closing her eyes and feigning sleep until James drifted off himself. “I-i think I did…need to hear it” James moved above her and Lily thought he was nodding.

 “Thank you” she whispered, too much hidden in two words. 

“Go to sleep” James commanded, and she did.