Pure Sinners

Lily woke early, the clock on her bedroom wall reading 12 minutes past six when the second ring of her phone roused her from her restless slumber. 

“Hello” her voice was sleepy but she tried valiantly to mask the yawn as it worked its way up her throat. 

“Kitten, I need you and your team to come see me in my office.” Riddle's voice was professional, but she could clearly picture the cold fury in his eyes. 

“Of course Tom, although perhaps I could conduct the meeting with you alone. The others are still sleeping” Lily kept the hope out of her voice, aiming for neutral as she crossed her fingers under the duvet. 

 “I need you all.” Riddle said briefly, then hung up the phone. 

Lily rolled her eyes and uncrossed her fingers before stumbling onto her feet and dressing quickly. She woke Sirius first, he was more of a morning person than the rest and was least likely to throw something at her for the wake-up call. He was confused but much more prepared for the news of Riddle’s unplanned summons than she’d have thought. He took on the task of waking the other inhabitants in stride, marching quickly into James’s room singing a song so awful that Lily could not hide her wince. 

Lily sighed, the squeaky singing accompanying her into Remus’s room. The space was lit already and Remus sat crosslegged by the radiator under his window. He was writing in a small leather-bound journal, which he quickly threw behind his back as he noticed her in the doorway. 

“Morning,” she said, as Remus stood. 

He brushed past her, out into the hall to Sirius's caterwauling.  


Lily made breakfast. Well, she handed out the forgotten cereal box and found the dregs of milk from the fridge. The boys talked quietly, much more subdued in their questioning than they had been the night prior. Not that it mattered much now. They’d find out soon enough what she’d done, she just hoped it didn't cost them much.

Her hands were shaking as she sipped her coffee, the bitter taste making her nose scrunch as she watched the clock on the wall.

By the time she managed to lead her teammates out the door, the shaking had moved up her arms and into her chest. Lily could feel the wobbling breaths as they passed through her, made worse by the worrying eyes James had yet to take off her. Her bones began to ache, joints rusting the closer she got to headquarters. 

Lily wasn't afraid, well she was. Actually, she was terrified. The adrenaline in her veins the only this keeping her standing as the foursome paraded through the empty gymnasium and into the hallway outside Riddle’s office.

Sirius’s face was paler than usual, taking on a greenish tint as he stared at the heavy wooden door. “I got you alright” she told him, lacing her fingers through his ignoring the frown forming on James’s lips. Lily turned her eyes to the others “I’ve got this. Whatever happens in there just do exactly as I say”. Remus nodded at her words, and James continued to stare at his shoes. 

Lily took a less than fortifying breath, squeezing Sirius’s hand once more before pulling away to open the door. 

Riddle was sat at his desk, face a mask of calm as he talked quietly to Nott. Dolov was sat in a chair at the edge of the room, his greying rots the only hint of his age. 

 Bellatrix Black stood at the front of the room. Concentrating heavily as she connected a series of wires to a big black box.

 Malfoy there too, leaning against a wall his eyes fixed on a set of three metallic chairs in the centre of the room.  His foot was toying with the edge of the Persian rug below him. He wouldn't look at her. The small action made Lily feel more anxious than anything else that morning. 

“Ah Kitten, so glad you could join us.” Riddle's voice was tight, the forced pleasantries doing little to ease the tension in his shoulders. “Gentlemen if you’d take a seat” The words were smoother now, although the way Riddle directed them to the metal seats in the centre of the room chilled Lily's blood.

Sirius swayed on his feet, the muscles in his calves tensing as he moved to step forwards. Remus reacted similarly, his hand gently resting on James’s shoulder as if too urge him along. 

Lily moved before she could think better of it, three strides taking her to the chair in the centre of the line. She couldn't see them now, but she heard Sirius's footsteps stutter and the silence that descended across the room.

“Tom..” She began, some sick pleasure rising in her as his jaw tensed.  “I am feeling rather tired and would like a seat. My boys can stand.” Her words were genial but her tone was as tough as the chair she slowly lowered herself onto. 

Riddle made an approximation of a smile, gesturing for her hands to be placed over the back of the chair. Behind her. She swallowed, as Malfoy walked across the room.  Gripping her hands roughly as he bound them behind her back. 

“Watch it” she breathed out as he tightened the zip tie, the plastic ring burrowing painfully into her skin. 

“Alright Lily, I’ll play. But the second one of your men so much as breathes too loudly, its over” Riddle offered eyes fixed behind her, his eyes staring at the spot where she had left them. 

Footsteps sounded behind her back and Lily fought the urge to look, knowing the display would only please Riddle. Lily nodded, ignoring the shiver that skated her spine as Riddle brushed a curl behind her ear. Riddle straightened taking a small step back as he spoke to the room.  

“Now, I woke up this morning to some very upsetting news. Do you have anything to say about that?” Riddle asked.  

Lily said nothing.

She felt the slap before she saw it. The sharp pain blooming in her cheek as she forced her eyes back to Riddle. “Tell me why the police were at that house last night.” Riddle demanded, his eyes burning. 

“Tell me why my biggest payout in weeks is now in jail awaiting bail.” His words produced the desired effect in the room, Sirius’s face was sure to be wide open in shock by now. 

“What did you do” his voice raised angrily, his hand rising to slap her again. 

Lily blinked away the spit that had rained down from his yelling, unable to do anything to wipe away the sticky residue from her face. The slap echoed through the room and this time Lily didn’t bother turning back to face Riddle. Riddle clicked his fingers and a cool blade appeared in his hand, fingers eagerly slipping away from the polished metal. Lily's eyes focused on the blade as Riddle twisted it against his knuckles. 

It was one of hers, she could tell from the oak handle and the dent in the innermost side of the blade. 

“Malfoy”, Riddle called, eyes flicking over her head. The man came as called, his eyes darting between Lily and the knife. He didn't look as pleased as Lily thought he would, in fact, he looked a little pale. Malfoy blinked, his going taught as he glared at the skin above Lily's eye. She breathed out a little, the tightness of her chest unravelling just a tad. Riddle must have caught the move because his smile widened and he gestured above her.

“How do you think Sirius would look with a scar like yours” He paused shortly, speaking again almost absently. “Perhaps we should give Mr Brown one too. Wouldn't want him to be without”. 

His fingers rolled the knife again, raising it slowly to meet Malfoy’s palm. Lily stared at the blonde's face, at his milky eye and the rough, raised line that divided the skin there. 

“Tell me” Riddle asked softly, his eyes glinted with victory.  

“I called them” she says just as softly. She doesn't mean to meet his eyes. Green on black in an instant. He looks surprised, his eyebrows raising as his lip curls. 

Lily almost laughs. 

“You called them” Riddle repeats, he sounds dumb and this time Lily can't help it. 

Her laugh is bitter, met with a closed fist and the taste of blood on her tongue.

“why would you call them?” His voice was steadier now. His right hand shot out quickly, gripping Lil's jaw as she flinched. “After everything I’ve done for you. You ungrateful bitch!” His anger is raw, his face turning red as he swears. Malfoy steps back, unused to the red-hot rage Riddle is displaying. 

 “I’ve given you everything and you call the police. Why?” He questioned, his hand falling from her jaw onto the soft skin of her throat. 

She bites her tongue until the taste of blood strengthens. She keeps her lips sealed until black dots begin to fill her vision. 

“They were hurting him” she choked out, coughing as Riddle’s hand retreats.

Riddle's face is still red but his voice is cold as he speaks again, words preceded by a barking laugh which sets Lily on edge. 

“You called the police because they were hurting him? Who the kid?” Riddle's eyes sparkled, his gaze now looking down at her the way one would a misbehaving pet.

“Kitten, kids like that have to learn their lessons.” His tone is pitying, and his hand moves slowly, dropping the knife into the pocket of his trousers before he brings both palms tenderly to her face. “Troublemakers have a hard time learning” His words were repeated, dredged out of a time Lily was desperate to forget. 

 “Why him?” He asks suddenly, the same question he had asked the day she became a gold. The same question he had asked when she agreed to pay Remus’s debts. Lily didn't have an answer for him, she hadn't then and she didn't now.  

His face hardened slightly at her silence but his hands stayed soft on her face, his thumb running circles over her skin as he spoke cruel words in loud whispers. “You always were a soft touch. It’s pathetic.” The word stung more than Lily remembered, eyes pinned to the floor she blocked out the continued drawl of Riddle’s voice. 

“You're not a good person Lily.” The words stole the air from her lungs, forcing her eyes back to Riddle. “It’s time you stopped pretending” His voice is too soft, too kind for the words he utters. 

They just stayed there for a second. Staring at each other, a sick mirror neither would acknowledge. 

Riddle breaks first. His gentle grip turned bruising as he raised his fist above her face. He slaps her again, and again. Lily doesn't care, the movement of her head the only thing keeping her eyes open as she retreats inside her skin. 

She doesn't know how long it is before she blinks. Before she realises he’s stopped, that someone is yelling, that it’s Sirius.

“The rest of the job was perfect. So what if that bastard goes away for a few years, you’ll get your money. We’ll find a way” Sirius’s voice boomed through the office. The sound echoed against the walls as Lily stared resolutely at the floor. Riddle says nothing, simply clicking his fingers as the sound of struggling begins behind her.

“I warned you” Riddle reminded them as Sirius and James were pushed into the chairs on either side of her. Her head turned to them without thought. Sirius was angry, it was clear in the set of his shoulders and the way he fought against the two men behind him as they bound his wrists. He was spewing hate at the men binding him, telling them how he was going to break their noses the second they got free. Riddle smiled at the sight, ordering a Blight to bring him some duct tape for the ‘mouthy one’.

James was the opposite. He sat stone still with his back straight and his hands tied neatly behind him. His gaze was not empty like she feared, instead it was calculating as he looked at Remus. The tall man was not bound. Instead, he stood shaking before them. His hands were wrapped tightly around the black briefcase, placed on Riddle's desk by helpful hands. Bella opened the case and Remus’s eyes widened, his gaze following the jumper cables as they were pulled from the box.

“How about we play a little game” Riddle suggested, eyes dancing as Bella connected two cables to James’s chair. His voice sounded again as she moved over to Sirius’s thrashing form.

 “Now the rules are simple Mr Lupin. These three buttons connect to each of these chairs, you must shock someone every time I say otherwise Malfoy will turn that key over there..” He pointed to Malfoy who was sat with a similar switchboard and empty eyes. “..and all of your friends will suffer”.

Riddle gestured to Bella, sending her back a few paces once she finished checking the cables were connected to each chair. Lily tried to look down at the cables connected to the metal legs of her chair, the mass of swirling wire a haze below her. Riddle didn't touch her, cautious now the cables were connected. 

“Remember how we talked about lessons Lily? You’d do well to remember this one.” He said before turning to stand behind Remus, his large palm resting on Remus's shoulder. The pose was awkward, Remus retaining the kind of stillness one finds in a department store manikin.

  “When you’re ready Mr Lupin,” Riddle said glancing at his watch. Remus stared at his hands, still raised above the buttons. His eyes were slightly blurred as he looked between the chairs before him.

Sirius had stopped squirming beside her, taking on the same kind of stillness James had. Lily watches as Remus’s hand twitches slightly over the furthest button in the case. He must feel it, her penetrating stare because he looks up then. She smiled softly, mouthing the words he needed.   

Remus’s finger is firm as he presses the middle button.      

Fire spreads through Lily's nerves, and the sensation of burning from within takes over as the world whites out. She doesn’t scream, unwilling to give Riddle the satisfaction for as long as she can. He raises his hand, and Remus pulls his arm back like it doesn't belong to him.

“Again” Riddle declares, a challenge in his eyes. 

Lily screams for the fourth shock, and the fifth and sixth. The pain was everywhere, her body burning over at over. Her tired eyes had latched onto the purple patches of Remus’s own scars, wondering if this was how it was for him. 

She wants to ask him if he still feels the fire, if he’s still burning. 

He’d been crying for a while now, fresh tears leaking out of his brown eyes each time Riddle told him to stop. 

After the sixth shock, Sirius starts shouting again, having somehow managed to lose the tape covering the right side of his mouth. Her head was ledden as she raised it to look at Sirius. He was thrashing in his seat, doing nothing but amusing Riddle who seemed delighted by Sirius's anger. Lily fought the urge to join Sirius’s protest, knowing her anger would only delight Riddle further. 

“Remus. Remus, please. Stop, please, please stop.” Sirius’s voice turned pleading as Riddle gave the order again.  “look at her Remus. Shock me! I’m telling you!” Sirius yelled as Remus’s finger wavered over the button.

Lily spoke, her voice dry and croaky but filled with heat. “D-don't you dare” 

 Remus’s mouth made a strange little noise as he pressed the button again. Lily's scream was loud but she no longer cared, desperate for this torture to end. Her head lulled as the current stopped. Her fingers spasmed - opening and closing around nothing - she ignored it.

“You know the games no fun when you take all the turns” Riddle's voice sounded in front of her as he pressed his palm against her sweaty forehead. Lily's eyes lingered on the missing mass of wires below her chair. She wanted to speak, she wanted to yell at him, tell him to fuck off. Her mouth was dry, nothing but a scratchy whimper escaping as she parted her cracked lips. His cold hand slid down against her cheek, tenderly cupping her burning skin. Lily leaned into the cool flesh, as her eyes slid closed. 

Her head was heavy, resting against her shoulder as her eyes blinked open. Sirius was thrashing in his chair again, screaming with his mouth closed as he struggled against the black tape across his lips. Lily tried to speak, her voice coming out nothing but a whisper. 

She tried again, ignoring the glass in her throat. “Stop!”  

 Riddle held up his hand and Remus raised his hand from the button, his body folding to the side as the sound of gagging filled the room. Lily's hand raised in front of her, the clenching of her fist alerting her to her lack of bindings. She moved to stand and began to fall to the floor only to be stopped by a pair of strong hands. Her body groaned in complaint as she was brought into a broad chest. A voice whispered in her ear “Be quiet, don’t draw attention to yourself”. Lily's gaze wandered over her shoulder, eyes quickly taking in the face of Dolov. She struggled fighting against his iron grip. Sirius screamed again and Lily used the sound to pull herself away from Dolov’s arms. Standing on shaky legs she spoke again “Stop!

“Why should I?” Riddle asked as Sirius’s screams subsided. His body sagged in his chair, his head falling back. His hair was matted, sticking to the skin of his forehead as he breathed heavily. 

“Because it was my call. They didn’t do anything” she said as though it were obvious. The world was moving in and out of focus. Colours were fading into shades of red and grey. She blinked and Riddle was in front of her. Everything was moving too fast, the room was spinning and the ground was rising quickly.

 “Please, stop this” she asked putting aside her pride for the sweet bliss of silence. Her knees were wobbling and she could feel blackness seeping into her vision. 

Her legs gave out as a pair of strong arms hauled her up into the air. Her head lolled against a broad chest covered by cool fabric, Lily couldn't help leaning into the material as a thumb stroked the edge of her ankle.

 “Take her to the old quarters won’t you?” Riddle asked whoever was holding her. A cool rush of air hit her face as a muffled screaming began again. The sound wasn’t as painful as the last, more a series of strangled words than a cry of anguish. Lily tried to open her eyes but found her lids glued shut. She gave into the darkness, letting it consume her as the steady steps of her escort sounded on the rickety steps to the loft.

The next thing Lily comprehended was cotton on her back. 

Her body, slick with sweat, stuck to the fabric. A small groan echoed in her ears, accompanied by a soft feminine shushing. Lily's eyes fluttered as a cool towel was placed on her too-hot forehead. There was a sharp stinging pain above her left forearm and Lily groaned again forcing her eyes open. 

The bright light above her made Lily squint at the ceiling, waiting impatiently as her eyes adjusted and shapes began to form. The ceiling was vaulted high above her, a familiar cream with water damage around the edges. Lily's head moved slowly, her mind sluggishly taking in her surroundings. The room was bare, nothing except a threadbare rug and the bed Lily lay in. The rug was a faded pink, with chewed white tassels. 

A smile tugged at the corner of Lily’s mouth as she saw Pandora staring worriedly at her from the edge of the bed.  Her eyes were red-rimmed and she was toying with the fabric of her sleeve before she felt Lily's eyes on her. 

“H-hi” Pandora stuttered out a greeting as she checked on the needle in Lil's arm. The job was poor, a barely there needle pushing clear liquid into her shallow veins. 

 “It’s morphine” Pandora told her, words tumbling out her open mouth “I tried to get someone to help me but no one would and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Malfoy told me where they kept the spares” Her face was quickly paling as she stared at the wonky needle in Lily’s arm. 

Lily blocked out Pandora’s incessant gibbering as she tried to pull herself against the headboard. The movement was dizzying, a sharp sting starting in her arm as Pandora rushed to help. The pillow behind her was flimsy, but her tired body sagged against it with relief. 

“Pandora?” Lily asked, her voice light. Pandora nodded eagerly, eyes on Lil's lips. 

“Shut up” Lily finished, clenching and unclenching her hand against the nausea in her stomach.  

Pandora quieted immediately, eyes anywhere but her broken body.

 “Where’s Sirius?” Lily asked, ignoring the stiffening of Pandora's shoulders at her question. 

“He’s still in Riddle’s office with Remus” She spoke slower this time, as though unsure she should respond at all. Lily absorbed the information greedily, eyes staring at the faded rug as the room began to still. She swung her leg out over the edge of the bed frame, ignoring Pandora’s gasp as she grits her teeth against the pain. Her second leg followed the first and Lily planted her feet on the floor, using her arms to push herself to stand. She swung briefly on her soles but much to her own surprise remained standing.

Her knees locked as she tried to take another step. Pandora’s voice sounded in a desperate attempt to coax her back into bed. 

“Woah woah woah” The mantra bounced around the empty room as her quick hands slid under Lily’s shoulders, preventing her from moving as she gently deposited her back on the bed. 

“I have to go“ Lily's voice was authoritative, undermined only by the shaking of her hands.  “I need to make sure they’re okay,” she told Pandora as she pushed weakly against her hold. 

“I’ll go” Pandora offered, leaning Lily against the pillow as the latter stopped struggling. “I’ll go check on them. But you have to stay here” Pandora’s voice was the firmest Lily had ever heard it. She nodded to the blonde girl,  waiting impatiently as she left the room. 

The room grew colder in her absence, doing nothing to ease the anxiety in Lily's heart.  The bed groaned under her weight as she forced herself into the centre, away from the shadowy alcove underneath. The room was empty, and yet Lily didn't feel alone. The goosebumps that always arose in this room were now scattered across her arms and the hairs on the back of her neck were standing to attention. 

Lily had once told Riddle this room was haunted, she was beginning to think it still was.

“Lily” Pandora's voice called out as she and another shadowy figure walked into the room. Pandora's footsteps were light, hurried as she led the tall man towards her bed. The man was tall but shorter than Remus, he was leaner than Sirius. Lily struggled to place him for a second, the horrendous blue over his right eye distorting her view of James’s face.

“Hey, pretty boy” she greeted her forced smile becoming more real as the man blushed. 

“She’s high as hell right now” Pandora offered, a small shake in her voice as she looked between James and Lily. 

“Where is Sirius?” she asked James, much too much emotion in her voice. “He’s gone home with Remus, I stayed to get you,” James told her gently. Lily felt something in her stutter at the words, at the way he looked at her. Like he meant it. 

Lily tilted her head, eyes trailing across his face for a hint of untruth. 

“for me” She repeated an unspoken question in the phrase. 

“Yes for you” James confirmed, eyes on the needle in her arm before he turned accusingly to Pandora. 

“What have you given her?” He asked accusingly, Lily wasn't oblivious to the way Pandora flinched.

 “Be nice” Lily scolded sharply “Pandora’s been an angel. She took very good care of me” She added when the boy seemed reluctant to look away from Pandora’s shaking palms. 

“Right, let's get you home” James said still staring at the needle in her arm “H-how do I ” he asked looking at Pandora. 

“I’ll do it” Lily said with a sigh, rather unwilling to be on the receiving end of either occupant's medical skills. She moved quickly, detaching the needle with only a small splash of blood. James helped her up as Pandora riffled through her pockets, handing James a baggy as though signing her own arrest warrant. 

 “Here,” She said, eyes adverted as James tucked the bag into his pocket. 

James placed her arm over his shoulders and tried to help her walk. She made it a few paces before she toppled forward, James's hands keeping her from falling. James cursed loudly before sliding his arm under her knees and picking her up bridal style. 

“you okay?” He asked as he walked through the doorway, away from Pandora's wide eyes. 

“You shouldn’t swear you know” she poked him in the chest, her finger bouncing back against taught skin. James huffed out a breath as he kicked open the door to the alley.

Once they made it through the door into their flat James asked her if she’d like to go to bed.

“Yours or mine baby?” She had asked with a wink that was more of a blink. James hadn’t laughed as Lily had hoped and instead began walking towards her room.

 “Why do you look so grumpy?” Lily asked as James kicked open the door to her room, with a huff and more force than needed. James frowned “maybe because we all just got this shit beat out of us because of you,” he said as he lowered her onto the bed. 

“I didn't mean to get you all in trouble,” she said quietly, aware of the bruises on James’s face. James scoffed “Course you didn't” His sarcastic voice lighting a fire in Lily's eyes. Lily was outraged, her anger rising as James pulled off her shoes.

”I helped that little boy” Her voice was defensive but she didn’t care. He tilted his head and propped her back up with pillows, he wouldn't meet her eye so Lily kept talking. “Social services will be a pain for the kid, but he was sweet enough. He’ll go somewhere nice”. The pillow behind her was much softer now, supporting Lil's aching form as James spoke. 

“You called social services?” He asked surprise colouring his tone, Lily nodded. James blinked down at her, like she was something new, something he had never seen before.

 “Why?” he asked, and Lily could tell it mattered to him. Lily couldn't find the words, the silence broken only by Remus’s appearance in her doorway. 

“Hey,” His voice was soft as he ran his fingers through his tangled locks. Lily let her eyes fall over his frame, his lip was torn and he still looked a little green but he seemed to be in alright shape. Lily let out a breath she hadn't known she was holding at the sight of him. 

“Where’s Sirius?” She asked the scarred boy as he pushed into her bedroom. Remus grimaced his body bouncing as he landed at the foot of her bed. 

“He’s very mad at me,” Remus whispered, rubbing the edge of his jaw with a shaking hand. His stubble was growing back in again, making his face itch. 

“You did nothing wrong,” She said as Remus took her hand moving so the palm faced the ceiling. Remus’s face scrunched in a very unattractive way as he opened his mouth. 

“I’m very mad at me too” His words were wobbly and he looked so very tired. His face scrunched some more, before flattening out as he placed a small square of chocolate into her open hand. 

Lily stared at it for a moment too long, melted chocolate staining her skin when she finally placed the piece in her mouth. “I told you not to share” she mumbled around the piece blessedly relieved when Remus smiled. 

“Where’s Sirius?” she asked again, eyes darting between the two men in the room. Her anxiety was mounting. James stepped quickly towards the door, moving easily into the hallway to find their fourth flatmate. 

“You okay?” Remus asked once the other man had left. 

Lily said nothing, simply stared at Remus until he winced and barked out a small laugh. 

“Should’ve guessed that?” He said with a shake of his head. His smile was absent as his eyes trailed over her, as though convincing himself she was still there. His brown eyes lingered on the small trail of blood on her left arm and his face closed off again.

 “I-i shit. I'm sorry- I. Fuck” Lily's inelegant words filled the space between them as she placed her palm over the bloodstain. Remus said nothing as he carefully peeled her hand away from the tender flesh.

“You’ve got some nerve you know that!” Sirius’s voice entered the room behind him, barely sounding before the slamming of the door struck. Sirius stormed over to the bed, his heavy footfalls distracting Lily from the boy he’d abandoned on the other side of the door.

 “What were you thinking?” Sirius asked, raising his hand to Remus's protests.

 “Have you gone mad?” His voice was cutting, like glass under your feet. 

Lily said nothing, her form stuck still at Sirius's screeching voice. “You keep telling me to keep a low profile and then you call the fucking police on Riddle’s clients!” He was yelling still, foaming at the mouth as he stared at her. 

Lily felt small, wrapped in sweat-soaked clothes in the middle of her bed. 

Her hair was knotted about her head and she ached. 

“Stop this” Remus spoke calmly, his voice beseeching as he gestured to her vacant eyes. “Look at her,” Remus demanded and Sirius did just that as he flipped the man off.  His eyes travelled over her form quickly, lingering slightly on the bruise she could feel forming on her tender throat. 

“Hi,” Lily finally greeted Sirius. He scoffed loudly, his nose was bloody and there was a cut right above his temple. 

“Hi?! That’s all you have to say to me. Hi?!” He exclaimed, his frown causing lines to appear on his forehead. 

“How dare you?” Sirius spoke, giving her no chance to respond before he continued. “You jeopardise the whole fucking job for a little boy, what because his mummy and daddy don’t love him?!” Sirius was pacing now, wearing a hole into her floor. 

 “Lily, seriously that was stupid” Remus said as he rubbed his thumbs across her twitching fingers.

 “It was insane is what it was. Do you have any idea what you could have cost us” Sirius said as his footsteps slowed. “..Do you know what it was like having to watch you take those shocks like that? Do you?” Sirius's volume increased again, anger returning to his eyes.  

“You passed out. We thought you might have died. Do you hear me Lily? I thought you fucking died!”.

The room cocooned itself in silence as everyone absorbed the words. For his part Sirius had stopped pacing, he looked gentler now. No anger lingered in his face and he was quiet as he repeated. “I thought you died”

Lily shuffled, ignoring the stinging in her joints as she patted the spot on the bed beside her. “I didn’t die,” she said dumbly, her hands in each of his.

 “No, no you didn’t” Sirius said absently, squeezing at her hands the way he used to comfort his brother. 

 “I’m sorry” she wasn't but she said it any way because that’s what Sirius wanted to hear. She said that she was sorry and wouldn't do it again. She would, Lily knew she’d make the same choice in a heartbeat. 

“I'm sorry you got hurt,” She said again, the truth of the words much more apparent than the latter. Remus nodded, manoeuvring carefully as he crawled into the bed on Lily's other side. The air in the room eased, and Lily breathed a deep sigh of relief as her tensed muscles unwound in the safety of her room. 

“Where’s James?” She asked suddenly aware of his missing presence.

 “He’s outside” Sirius told her “Do you want me to get him?” He asked confused.

Lily thought about it briefly. “He’s family now isn’t he” Her voice was firm and Sirius sprang quickly from the bed. 

“He took that beating with us” She whispered to Remus as Sirius left the room.

 “I still don’t know about that guy” Remus’s voice was tinged with guilt as he whispered the words into Lily's ear. 

Lily smiled through the words “Sirius likes him”.

She could feel Remus’s frown as he spoke “You like him too” he accused, concern lacing the words. 

“He’s alright,” Lily said with a shrug 

“He’s nice and he entertains Sirius so i don't have to. Plus he’s pretty cute”

“Am I now?” 

“Is he now?” 

Came two voices from the edge of Lily's room. 

“Hi” Lily said to the new boy as Sirius climbed into bed beside Remus, leaving his old space free for James. 

“Hi?” James asked “Did you need something?” He continued and Lily frowned. 

“I didn’t need anything,” she said as she felt Remus and Sirius moving beside her.

 “O-okay then I’ll just go,” James said as he headed for the door,

 “why would you do that?” Lily wondered out loud unsure why James hadn't gotten into the bed.  

 “She wants you to get in mate” Sirius spoke, putting the puzzled lad out of his misery.  

“In there?” James asked pointing to the small space beside her, his voice had raised a few octaves although Lily was not usure why.

 “Yeah, we’re having a sleep over,” she said as though it was obvious, which it was. 

“We all sleep in the same room on nights like this. You know bad nights, good nights, when there’s a storm” Sirius drawled, his voice trailing off as Remus laughed softly. James nodded dumbly, as he carefully lay on Lily's left. His side was hanging off the edge of the bed and Lily nearly laughed at the uncomfortable look on his face.   

“There’s no space” he said and Sirius laughed before he and Remus began shuffling.

 “Of course there is” Lily voiced her thoughts as she twisted onto her side, her back fitting snugly into James’s chest as he moved into the free space. It was too early to sleep, but they lay their anyway basking in the company they had found until their eyes began to shut.