Pure Sinners

“Wake up, wake upppp” Sirius cried pressing his nose against James’s. 

“Get off him Sirius” spoke James’s saviour from the doorway. 

“You're no fun” said his attacker even as he did as Lily asked. “Remus is still asleep go wake him up” she suggested and Sirius ran out of the room screaming Remus’s name. 

James let out a quiet "thanks" as he began to rise from his bed. As he sat up, he noticed Lily was already busy searching through his chest of drawers, grabbing his clothes and throwing them at him one by one. Once she had finished, she stood there, her eyes fixed on James, seemingly waiting for something.

Feeling uncomfortable with her staring, James finally spoke up, "Aren't you going to leave so I can get changed?" He asked the girl. She paused, her forehead wrinkling as she frowned dramatically before responding, "But then I'd miss the show." James felt a shiver run down his spine as he realized she had no intention of leaving anytime soon.

She smiled wickedly and James realised she knew exactly what she was doing.

 “That’s not fair,” he said as she walked to sit on his bed 

“life’s not fair, even for boys with faces as pretty as yours,” she said before she left the room with a wink. James’s mind screeched to a halt and he forced himself to take a series of slow breaths until his thoughts started to form.

The first thing James did with his newly functioning brain was scold himself for his idiocy. He had a job to do. He was a cop for fucks sake he would not be toyed with by some barely legal criminal. He stood with effort, pulling his shirt over his head as he stared at the frayed wallpaper before him, desperate to think of anything but wild curly hair and sinful lips. 

James changed quickly, into the kitchen to see everyone waiting.

 “Did you make the clothes yourself before you got into them?” Remus asked sparkly as he chugged his coffee. James made the mistake of looking at Lily who was smirking and staring right at him. 

“Lets go” James requested quickly, his tone earning him a strange look from Sirius. James didn't care; anything to get away from those teasing eyes. 

When they arrived at the large gym area in headquarters it was mainly empty. A few men were working out but James didn’t recognise any of them. 

“What should we do first?” He asked once they finished with warm-ups.

 “We could do weights or Remus could take you through his cardio” Sirius offered and soon James found himself fully panting as Remus continued to jog steadily a few paces before him.

“Want to do another lap?” Remus offered as James slid to the floor, gasping for air. His eyes wandered around the room, struggling to find a familiar face. Remus chuckled quietly, his long fingers pointing across the room to Sirius and Lily sparing in the ring.

 ”Sometimes I just sit and watch them”. Remus said when he saw James's attention had been stolen by the pair. Once James regained control of his breathing he spoke softly to Remus, afraid raising his voice would stop the sparring pair. “It’s like they're not even thinking, just moving”

The pair were practising their fighting techniques - no blows were being landed but you could tell by the manoeuvres alone they would have been devastating. “You wanna go?” James asked pointing at the space. Remus shook his head fiercely as he sweat in his long-sleeved athletic shirt. James noted, not for the first time Remus’s constant need for sleeves. 

”I don’t spar” he offered apologetically before he continued running

 James approached the pair in the ring. They stopped once they noticed him and James almost regretted moving.

 “you alright mate?” Sirius asked, his eyes raking over James’s dishevelled appearance. James nodded taking a sip of the water Lily had handed him.

 “You wanna spar?” He asked Sirius. 

Sirius shook his head “I was just going to do some lifts but Lily will spar with you. If you ask nicely she’ll even let you leave breathing”. James barked a laugh eyes catching on Siriuss widening eyes. 

“What don’t think a girl could beat you, Brown” Lily asked. Her posture was defensive, and James watched a bead of sweat slide down her neck.

 It took James a minute to realise she was talking to him, he stuttered out a reply too late to be listened to. “W-what n-no I totally think you could beat me. I-I just…You're like half my size, and I don’t fight girls.” James’s mother had been very adamant one should never hit a lady. 

Lily laughed “get in here pussy.” She demanded and James reminded himself Lily was definitely not a lady as he climbed into the ring.

 “Contact or no?” She asked politely as though she hadn’t insulted him. 

“Contact” James growled out. 

“Don’t worry, Brown I’ll let you keep your pretty face intact” Lily said with a wink as she swung her fist towards him.

 James quickly leapt to the side “We didn’t touch gloves” he said eyes wide, as Lily laughed and swung out again. This time her fist made contact with his ribs. pain bloomed in his side and he jabbed his left fist out missing her by miles. 

“Come on Brown, you can do better than that” the girl teased from the other side of the ring. James stepped forward shaking his head. She spun kicking her leg out, James quickly lept back. 

“Good reflexes” Lily complemented as James jabbed for her face. Rage was beginning to cloud his vision, tinting it pink at the edges. She dodged, her smile falling as James lumbered forward again his arm flying towards her ribs. She ducked under the limb and James made a desperate bid for her hair. 

“Not good enough,” she said from the left of his fist before she grabbed his arm and flipped him over her opposite shoulder. 

 James was focused on a flickering light in the ceiling when a face appeared above him.

 “Tap out pretty boy?” Lily taunted before James swung his arm out toppling her onto her arse. The world began to return to its regular hue. A soft golden light emanating from the windows above Lily's fallen form. He quickly rolled above her, caging her in with his arms. 

“Tap out beautiful?” James asked. He fought the blush rising up his neck, he hadn’t realised he was going to speak at all, let alone call her beautiful.

 Though he supposed he couldn’t be too mad at himself, she really was beautiful.

 “Definitely not” she said running her hand up his bicep. Her fingers were cold despite the perspiration James could see glistening on her skin. Pieces of her hair were plastered to her forehead, and her chest was rising and falling unevenly against his own. Her green eyes were piercing and James couldn't bring himself to look away.  

“but I do prefer to be on top” she whispered, breaking the spell James had fallen under. Before James had finished comprehending her words she had rolled to the left, pulling him with her by his bicep. His arms were trapped by his sides under her thighs, his legs couldn’t reach her if he tried.

 James waited for the rage, for the anger he always felt to crawl back behind his eyes. 

The light remained golden and Lily remained above him. Her smile softened as she looked down at him. The shape was crooked, not quite right. Not quite real but close enough. Her head tilted before she moved closer to him. Her body bending until their faces were aligned. James forgot to struggle, forgot to fight, too focused on the sliver of space between them.

”Ready to tap out baby?” She asked her nose brushing his as her hair created a glowing curtain around them. 

James’s brain short-circuited again, the word baby echoing through his hollow head. She had called him baby and James had crumbled. He nodded absently, aware of nothing except the shape of her lips as she had formed the word. 

He opened his mouth unsure of what to say when a slow clapping began from the side of the ring above his head. Lily rolled her eyes, her lip curling as she lent back. The soft skin of her thighs was still pinning James in place, unable to look at the audience he was sure their fight had garnered. 

Lily's body went still above him, her eyes fixed to a spot far above his head. James fought the urge to look at her chest if only to see if she was still breathing. Her weight vanished from James suddenly, leaving only an emotion he chose not to decipher. 

James stood on shaky legs, turning to face the still-smiling face of Riddle. “Very good show Mr Brown.” He offered in a voice James supposed he thought showed good sportsmanship. 

“Thank you….My Lord..” James said remembering the honorific most of the DE used religiously “..but I did lose.” He told the man dumbly, convinced the blood had yet to return to his brain.  

Riddle raised an eyebrow “You must have been quite good, Lily hasn’t needed to pin anyone like that for years” James blushed, guilt for a crime he hadn’t committed rising in his chest. 

“Kitten, Mr Malfoy here has got a slight injury he’d like you to look at,” Riddle said faintly, waving his hand over his shoulder. James’s eyes followed the movement towards the bolder-like man lurking behind Riddle.

 “Mr Brown, won’t you accompany me to my office for a spot of tea?” Riddle asked although James was rather sure he didn’t have a choice. Lily's shoulders squared and her foot squeaked against the floor. The sound caught the attention of both Riddle and Malfoy, each one sporting twin looks of question. Lily said nothing, turning on the spot as she hurried towards the med-bay door. Malfoy looked to James, before striding quickly after Lily. 

James turned back to Riddle, swallowing the nerves as he spoke “After you, My Lord”

As Riddle poured him tea James began to wonder what would happen to him.

If Riddle were to kill him he had chosen a prime moment, James had yet to collect his burner phone and bugs from his Pandora. The tail Riddle put on him still quite obviously casing his behaviour. 

He seemed new to the role, obviously following instructions to the letter.  He was good, never getting too close and keeping it simple with his disguises but James caught him easily. He was nervous, always checking his watch and the space behind his shoulder. 

His thoughts were disrupted as Riddle spoke “You understand why I’ve brought you in here?”. His voice was plain and he sipped his tea as James shook his head. 

Riddle sighed, the picture of a gentle teacher as his expression morphed to one of concern “Well I couldn’t help but notice Lily’s interest in you”. 

James felt a sudden rush of embarrassment as he noticed Riddle's intense gaze fixed upon him. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, Riddle cut him off with a sharp edge in his voice.

“Don’t try to deny it, I saw her out there. Even if the interest is one-sided..” He said in a way that made it clear it better be. “..nothing can happen between you both. Your team members and between you and I..” He said leaning in as though they were co-conspirators. 

“She’s always seemed very close to that Sirius boy. His mother says she heard them discussing marriage at one point a few years ago” He paused, eyes hunting for James’s reaction to the words. James blinked, refusing to lower his eyes from Riddle’s own.

The man in the suit nodded, “You’re a smart man, Mr Brown, you see nothing good could come of this. Don’t you?” 

James spoke firmly, “of course Sir. I assure you nothing has, nor would ever happen”.  Riddle smiled, a strange smile, like a crocodile showing all its teeth. 

A creature reminding you it bites. 

“Very good Mr Brown. That will be all” he said waving at the door as James stood slowly from his seat, leaving his untouched tea on the table as he strode for the door. 

James walked back into the training room and immediately noticed Remus and Sirius looking tense. Sensing something was amiss, he made his way over to them.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his tone reflecting concern. 

"We can't find Lily," Remus replied, his eyes scanning the room for any sign of her. 

“Oh, Riddle sent her to medical with the blonde guy…Malfoy I think” James said and both men snapped their heads to look at him. 

“Shit” Remus said as he followed after Sirius who had taken off in a sprint across the hall. 

James followed quickly, a strange sense of worry forming in his gut. The door out of the gym swung open with force as they pushed through it into the medical bay corridor. 

The medical room door was tightly shut, and the sound of muffled yelling could be heard from within. With a sense of urgency, Sirius reached for the doorknob and pushed the door open, revealing a chaotic scene inside. The medical equipment was scattered all over the room, and Malfoy was standing at the centre shouting at Lily as she backed away from him.

“What do you think you’re doing Malfoy” Sirius questioned, prowling into the room. 

Malfoy didn't look at him simply stepping closer to Lily as something glinted in his hand. 

The object was small, a thin strip of metal sharpened to a point.

 “Put it down” Sirius growled, his teeth grinding together as he tried to harness his rage. James couldn’t look at him too focused on Lil's back against the wall and her balled fists. Malfoy smiled, lowering his knife-wielding hand to his side as he leaned in towards Lily, his lips forming words James couldn’t hear. 

Malfoy turned towards them then, a smile playing at his lips. His nose was bloody and James had sworn it wasn’t when he had left the hall.

 "Get out, Malfoy," Lily demanded, pointing to the door as her ripped shirt came into view. Sirius snorted like a bull, his large hands curling into fists as he stepped forward. He looked as intimidating as he had that first day in the ring, and James was glad he was not on the receiving end of Sirius's rage.

Malfoy said nothing, a smirk plastered to his damaged face. His working eye flickered over James and Remus before settling on Sirius’s shoulder.  James watched as Remus’s fingers flexed in the dark material of Sirius’s shirt. His face was red, Remus’s palm the only form of restraint the boy had. 

  “You should leave Malfoy,” Remus told the blonde, not unkindly.

 “I don’t take orders from Ghosts, especially not filth like you” the blonde spat at Remus. Remus looked down at the ground, his hand slipping from Sirius’s shoulder at the man's harsh words. Before James could tear his eyes away from Remus’s face, Lily had surged forward, punching Malfoy in the Jaw.

“You fucking bitch!” He screamed getting up in her face “just like a whore to defend a pusher!” His posture was violent but Lily did not cower, even as Malfoy towered above her. 

James looked at her now. An avenging angel, all teeth and tongue and he wondered how he ever thought her weak at all. 

“Leave before I make you” Lily ordered, her voice unwavering as she pointed once again to the door.

 Malfoy raised his hands in mock surrender and walked to the door careful to avoid Sirius's reach. 

As he stepped through the door he called back to Lily “Let me know when you get tired of fucking the ju…” Sirius slammed the door in the blonde’s face, clearly over the mans incessant comments.

“You alright?” James asked the girl as she approached them. 

“You okay?” She asked Remus ignoring James’s question. Remus nodded, letting an irate Sirius steal his attention with his angry mumbling. Lily turned to James “I’m all good, just pissed he ruined one of my favourite shirts” she fake pouted trying to dispel the tension in the room.

Her band shirt was badly torn, exposing her blue sports bra underneath. She pulled off the ruined garment and threw it in the waste bin. “Let's get out of here” she requested, heading for the door.

“Wait” Sirius called pulling his shirt over his head. Lil's protests fell on deaf ears as James started at Sirius’s tattoos. There were so many, James had seen most of them before but he had never been close enough to see them clearly before. 

They were all intricately designed with most depicting animals. A lion rested on his ribs, a bird soaring across his left pectoral, and a shattered vase lay under the bird as though it had knocked it over in its flight. A series of simple flowers lay diagonally across his ribs, beside an intricate dragon which wrapped around his right ribs onto his back. A set of Latin words lay on his upper hip, small cuts ran through the ink - deliberate and deep. James looked away, eyes finding Lily's name where it was inked above his heart.

Riddle’s words flew back to him, the suggestion of their nuptials much more real than it had been moments ago. Sirius had said he considered her a sister, was that true or simply the ramblings of a man unwilling to risk romance with his best friend

“I'm fine,” Lily said crossing her arms and only succeeding in pushing her tits further into James’s eye line. He immediately averted his eyes, instead looking at the fading white paint on the door frame. 

“I'm not wearing it so you might as well” Sirius said with a shrug. Lily stared at him for about 5 seconds before cursing and pulling the shirt on. They walked out of headquarters in silence, James hung back beside Remus as Sirius walked ahead with Lily. His shirtless form confident as they paced the streets of London in the cold winter air.

Lily spoke softly, unaware of James’s eavesdropping “Thank you” she whispered to Sirius, who smiled gripping her hand in his own. “Anything for you mon cherie,” he said, softly.

James thought Riddle’s theory might not be all too outlandish after all

They spent the next week not doing much of anything. Mainly talking and watching TV. Remus shared some parts of his childhood with him: his mother was a baker and his father had left when he was young, he was Welsh but only spoke a little because his mother had been too frightened to teach him.

James in return shared some of his childhood with them, his real childhood, not the story he and Dumbledore created, he wanted to give Remus and the others something real. He felt like a liar, he felt dirty and he needed something real. He told them how his mother was a nurse and how she had always worked late at night but never failed to come kiss him goodnight. He told them about how he played football in secondary school, about how he’d been good and really wanted to go pro before his mother had told him about the importance of having a real job. 

He didn’t mention his father, used to skirting around the man. 

Sirius shared some early memories of him and his younger brother “..and then I convinced him there were monsters in the wardrobe. He couldn't sleep for weeks” Sirius had confessed and they had all laughed lightly at the naivety of childhood. Lily hadn’t shared anything and James didn't ask her to. 

He wanted to, desperately. He wanted to know her. Her favourite colour and the town she grew up in. The specific curiosity she had invoked in him worried James. 

Still, she sat there when he spoke of his life before the Death Eaters. She stayed quiet but her eyes were locked to his and he thought she might really be listening. 

This silent stoic version of Lily was perhaps the least distressing version of Lily James had come to know. 

She seemed to be flirting with him often over these days, a dramatic turn around to the angry version of her he had met in his first few days in the Death Eaters. James tried his best to ignore her lingering glances but he couldn't help the blush that seemed permanently fixed to his cheeks. He knew it was futile, Riddle had warned him off and he liked Sirius too much to interfere. 

James knew he was getting too involved with this group as it was. He was losing objectivity in the case, this had become obvious earlier in the week. 

On Tuesday Riddle had called off his tail and James had finally been able to collect a burner phone and establish a line of contact with Dumbledore. They talked briefly about the initiation process and reworked the layout of headquarters to include Riddle’s office. Dumbledore inquired to the jobs James had been running lately and he shared what little he had done with his team. 

He didn't offer Dumbledore the names of his teammates and if the captain found this odd he didn't say.

Dumbledore ended the connection quickly, arranging a check-in date for the following week and offering to pass on James’s hello to his mother. 

In an hour of suspiciously empty downtime on the Wednesday James ventured to the library a few blocks south of the flat. The computer the librarian directed him to was old and missing a few keys but it worked and James was able to do a bit of research on his new flatmates. 

Turns out the Sirius family were a pretty big deal. Sirius’s father was a wealthy businessman whose father had made his fortune in oil before dying in a boating accident and leaving everything to his favoured son. Sirius’s father was often photographed alongside Riddle and other figures in the House of lords, he was often quoted in support of Riddle's more questionable propositions, throwing his money around to buy support for the ridiculous bills. 

Through his research, James learnt more about Sirius’s brother. The boy, a year Sirius’s junior was incredibly intelligent. Having won a series of awards for various musical instruments, he was expected to do great things. James’s eyes hardened as he read about the boy's short-lived battle with his mental health, resulting in an admission to a hospice in France, close to the family's holiday home. Sirius was hardly mentioned in the articles, except for brief referrals to the ‘eldest son’s rebellious years’ and his ‘reformation in joining the queen's navy’. He was said to be doing his second tour before his return to the fold to follow in his father’s political footsteps, James snorted at the thought of Sirius in a political setting and quickly closed the bogus tabs.

James hit a wall after that. 

Information on Remus Lupin was scarce. There was a newspaper picture depicting a smiling little boy holding a small painting, a woman stood behind him beaming even brighter than the boy, her hands resting on his shoulders. James also discovered some undergraduate thesis Remus had written that looked too boring for James to even skim, something about the history of the trojan war that James had never heard. An obituary for a Hope Lupin was linked to Remus’s name, the picture on the order of service the same one from the paper. The article described her tragic demise in a house fire a few years prior.  

James stopped searching after that. 

The search for Lily brought up even less. The last name he had weeded out of Sirius raised more questions than answers. According to every archive he could find ‘Lily Evans’ didn't exist. No record of schooling, no medical records. A complete unknown.

He had brought the burner back to the flat with him, burying it in the back of his bedside drawer. He left the bugs behind, convincing himself it was too risky to bring them with him. James also thought it might be better to control the narrative incase a job went awry, like it did with Dursley.

 James winced at the thought, he had gone slightly off the rails - he knew that. But he just couldn’t help himself

Dursley was scum, worse than scum. He was a mass murderer and James couldn't help it, he'd wanted answers, he’d wanted Dursley to hurt.

The police had been trying to get their hands on Vernon for years, always being outsmarted at the last second. James had all but given up hope of ever finding the man after sliding the report onto Samuel’s desk in early February. Riddle and his group had managed to find and trap the man in a matter of hours, without police resources or manpower. It was impressive, it was the kind of skill the London police were in desperate need of.

On Friday evening James lay on the sofa with Sirius watching the England game as Remus held the aerial at an odd angle out the widow. Lily came home with the only interesting news of the week. 

"We've got a job," she said quickly, not bothering to remove her coat or hat.

 "When is it?" Remus asked, his frame still hanging precariously out the window. 

"A little to the left," Sirius called as the picture began to blur again. Lily grimaced, looking at the clock in the kitchen. 

"About 40 minutes from now." Sirius jumped up from his seat, gathering Remus's kit from under the sink, and the lanky man pulled himself back from the open window.

 “What has the great dick got us doing then?” Remus asked, not bothering to hide the contempt from his words. James's brain latched on to the casual insult thrown at their Lord.

 “B&E, nothing big. A family uptown owes Riddle some dough and he just wants to send a message. We’re just going to get in and tag the wall, maybe break some family photos that kind of thing…” Remus opened his mouth but Lily waved her hand continuing swiftly “..has to be tonight as they're going to the husband's, sister's engagement or some shit” she said rolling her eyes. She looked at James and he realised he was the only one still sitting.

 “Let's go pretty boy” Lily said as she followed Remus out of the door. 

Sirius snickered from behind him. 

“Pretty boy huh?” He asked with a wink, heading towards the still-open door.

 “I-its not-i-i wouldn’t” James began but Sirius was already halfway out the door. Sirius’s laughter echoed through the building as James rushed out of the flat, slamming the door behind him.

Lily explained the little she knew of the layout of the house, dutifully ignoring Remus’s scowl as he drove. 

“Seriously it’s like he wants us to fail, Lily” Remus mumbled as the car pulled up beside the rural house. The home was dark. No lights illuminated the windows of the red brick building. 

A white picket fence ran around the property and there were neatly trimmed rose bushes in the garden. 

“It’s not my fault,” Lily said, finally snapping in the face of Remus's annoyance. Sirius remained quiet in his seat beside James, eyes pinging back and forth between the pair. 

Entering the house was easy, the back door had one lock which Lily busted open quickly with a crowbar so Remus could keep the car running, ready for a quick getaway. The property had no apparent security cameras and the alarm system inside the door was a decoy. The trio stepped quickly through the house, finding the living room with ease. The space was sparsely decorated with mustard yellow sofas and a large green loveseat. A taxidermy cat stood in pride of place above the mantel, poised as though ready to pounce. 

“Creepy much,” Sirius said, hand reaching out to stroke the cat on its bulbous head. Lily coughed once, throwing a can of spray paint to the cat whisperer in the corner.

She turned back to James quickly, as Sirius cursed attempting to keep the can from hitting the ground. 

“He’s an artist did he tell you that?” She whispered to James pointing at the shaky line Sirius was already spraying on the eggshell wallpaper. 

“Ha Ha,” Sirius said sarcastically, ignoring them to focus on his work.

 “You’ve got five minutes Picasso, we’re gonna go break some shit,” she told the man whose tongue was poking out of his mouth at an odd angle. James’s body moved without thought, following Lily's lithe frame into the hall.

 “yeh yeh, wear a condom” came the call from the lounge, followed by Sirius’s chuckle at his own joke. 

James blushed, ducking his head as he followed Lily up the stairs in the hallway.

 “Ignore him” she advised, her gloved hand brushing against the bannister “he just does it to make you blush. He thinks you're pretty when you blush,” she said nonchalantly and James blushed harder. He could feel the way Lily's emerald gaze trailed over his face.

 “He’s not wrong.” She said, grabbing a picture frame from the wall and sending it crashing to the floor.

Glass shards littered the stairs below them, the noise echoing through the empty house.

“Fuck I missed this” she exclaimed as she moved towards the next picture, a larger frame depicting a couple on their wedding day. The woman had a pinched expression as a rotund gentleman pressed a sloppy kiss into her cheek. Lily sent the photo hurtling down, and then the next. She smiled at him, handing James a photo of an elderly couple on a park bench. He glanced at the photo before sending it to join the others on the floor. They climbed the stairs quickly, avoiding the broken glass with nimble feet.

“Which ones the parents?” James asked and Lily shrugged 

“this one?” She asked pushing open the door to the right of the stairs, the room contained a small porcelain tub and a towel rack. 

 “oh well, ill mess this place up a bit. Try the next door. Call if you get stuck” Lily told him as she entered the bathroom, a smile tugging at her lips. 

The next door James tried was a linin cupboard, he quickly sent the sheets to the ground before moving back through the hallway. The next room contained a white double bed and James assumed this was where the parents stayed. Moving swiftly into the room he threw a small mirror off the bedside table, before moving to the wardrobe. Opening the huge oak doors he began throwing clothes out of the wardrobe onto the bedroom floor. He was actually having a lot of fun when a voice sounded behind him.

 “That’s my daddy’s shirt”. 

James froze like a deer in headlights before snapping his head to a little boy of maybe four or five, clutching a teddy in the doorway. 

“Fuck” he said loudly as his fumbling fingers dropped the shirt. He’d been seen, that wasn’t a part of the plan. No one was supposed to be home, that's what Lily had said. 

James’s head span as he tried to understand what this child was doing in the doorway. The small boy’s pyjamas were blue with green and red dinosaurs printed across the fabric, he rubbed his eyes with small fingers before speaking again. 

“You can’t say that, it's a bad word” the child informed him and James was sure he was about to throw up as a shadow appeared in the hallway behind the boy.

“Yes it is a very bad word” came the voice from the hallway. Lily appeared, her hair flowing out biblically around her as she stepped over the threshold into the room. James watched as though underwater as the boy turned to her, taking a small step backwards at her sudden appearance. Lily said nothing, keeping her feet planted as she crouched down to the boy's eye level.

James could reach them in seconds, she wouldn't be expecting an attack. He could push her off balance and run with the boy to safety. His muscles tensed and James’s heart began to beat faster. 

James didn't move.

Lily's voice broke James out of his stupor, the sound was soft, the most gentle melody he had heard from the girl before him. “Hi there, what’s your name?” She asked with a friendly smile for the boy brandishing his teddy bear like a weapon. 

“M-mmy name Harry. But I’m not supposed to talk to strangers” The boy’s eyes searched around the room as he spoke, eyes lingering on the pile of clothes by James’s feet. Lily's smile widened, the first real smile James had really seen from her. It was wide, showing too many teeth and the sides of her gums. James couldn't look away, even as Lily whispered conspiringly to the boy in front of her. 

“I won’t tell if you don’t” She said, holding her hand out for Harry “My name is Rose”. Harry seemed to grow a little taller at Lily's words. 

“Is my mum home yet?” Harry’s voice was steady, but his hands turned white against the fur of his teddy.

“I don't think so. Do you know where they could be?” She asked him, watching with calculating eyes as the little boy's walls came crumbling down. Harry’s lip began to tremble and he rushed into Lily's open arms “They went to Mary’s. I didn’t want to go, they told me they wouldn’t leave but I heard a noise and they weren’t here” the words spilled out so quickly James struggled to comprehend what the child was saying. Lily nodded along thoughtfully, her arms creating soft circles on the boy’s back as he cried into her shoulder.

“It’s okay Harry. Your mummy sent me to check on you. Can I carry you back to bed?..” She asked quickly pointing to James “..my friend here had a little accident and he dropped some glass on the floor. I don’t want you to hurt your feet”. The boy looked hesitant, eyes bouncing from James to the mess on the floor. 

He nodded and spoke again once in Lily's arms “He should be more careful” he said wagging his finger at James. He pulled his hand down quickly, eyes wide as James took a belated step forward. His fingers fisted in Lily’s shirt as he began shaking in her arms. 

A soft clink underfoot drew his attention away from Lily's soothing voice and to the pile of clothes on the ground. A large brown belt lay among the shirts and trousers James had thrown onto the floor. The leather was well worn, tempered by a series of rust-coloured stains.

He looked up quickly as Harry’s laughter echoed through the upstairs hallway, and the sound of footsteps faded down the corridor.

James took off, his instincts kicking in as the boy left his line of sight. He couldn't believe he had been so foolish as to allow Lily to touch the boy, let alone take him out of James’s view.

He skidded on the carpet as he flung open a blue door emblazoned with the letter ‘H’ to find Lily seated on the edge of a small bed, holding a worn copy of ‘Mr Men’. Harry snapped his sleepy eyes open at James’s loud arrival. He was tucked into bed up to his chin, smiling softly as Lily read. 

“Rose..” The young boy called “Yes Harry?” Lily answered, immediately placing the finished book on the table beside him. 

 “Your friend is very clumsy” Harry mumbled, eyes closing as he fought to remain awake. Lily's lips curved into a soft smile as she stood from the bed. “Goodnight Harry” she whispered flipping off the light by the door before sliding quickly into the hall as the door to the child's bedroom closed.

“Go and collect the idiot from downstairs and get to the car,” she ordered, making no move to follow James as he took a step towards the stairs. He looked back, finding her staring at the faded blue paint of Harry’s door.  Her hands were shaky as she brought them to grasp at her the ends of her hair. James shook his head, convinced of Harry’s safety as he ran down the stairs to find Sirius. 

Sirius was oblivious to everything that had happened upstairs, quietly singing to himself as he finished up the details to the huge creature he had drawn onto the wall of the family home. The shape James found looked quite terrifying, a large jagged face with fanged teeth and soul less eyes stared at him from its spot above the mantel. The dead cat lay discarded in the fireplace, its body rigid on top of the unlit coals. 

“What is the rush” Sirius asked turning to see James’s out of breath face in the doorway.

 “We gotta go” James said simply as Sirius began walking towards him, spray can still clutched in his hand. 

“Where’s Lily,” Sirius said, seemingly unwilling to move another inch until James revealed her location. 

“She told me to get you and get to the car” James relayed his instructions as he gripped Sirius’s arm and began marching out of the house. James knew that despite what had happened in that initial fight at headquarters Sirius was much stronger than him, James found his heart-warming slightly as the burly man allowed himself to be led out of the house away from Lily. 

They reached the car quickly, sliding into the back seats like brothers. Remus’s eyes were suspicious, raking over them and then across the street around them until they finally returned full circle to the house which Lily had yet to return from. They sat there in silence for perhaps a minute or two before a frantic set of limbs came barreling into the car. Lily slammed the car door shut with a ferocity that vibrated through the metal.  

“Drive!” Her wild voice was unneeded as Remus tore down the street at the door slam. 

Her breathing was ragged and James compulsively checked her clothes for blood. 

“Shit Lily, you okay? What happened?” Sirius asked, worried eyes searching over her in much the same way James had. 

Lily looked to the floor, nimble fingers freeing her hands from the gloves she had worn. She frowned before turning to face him, her eyes flicking across the backseat unwilling to make eye contact with any passenger for long. She said nothing, eyes returning to stare at her lap as her finger ran over the back of her hand. The tip of her finger stuttering over a series of raised lines James had never noticed. The action seemed unconscious, Lily's eyes the emptiest he’d ever seen them. 

The sight was unnerving, James found he missed her anger. 

The journey home was quiet and James found the anxiety in his chest growing. He wondered what had happened in that house, why Lily was so stoic. He did not question if Harry was okay, sure in his assessment that Lily wouldn't have hurt him. He wasn't sure where this confidence had come from, but it was there and James couldn't find it in himself to question it.

Lily said nothing throughout the drive, not even as they switched cars or on the walk back to the flat. She did not acknowledge the questions Sirius hurled at her or the suspicious looks Remus sent. Once inside the flat she still did not speak, refusing Remus’s plea to talk about what happened. Instead, she rushed into her room, slamming the door behind her and leaving James to face Remus’s wrath alone.

“What happened?” Remus’s voice was gruff, more than a little impatient as he sat at the kitchen table. All his muscles were tensed as though he was forcing himself to remain seated. James didn’t know what to say, he too had no idea what had happened in that house.

He didn’t want to tell them about Harry, suddenly worried someone would be sent to take care of the helpless child asleep in that lonely house. 

Dumbledore would tell them - James reminded himself. Dumbledore needed James to form links, he needed people to like James. 

James wanted to be liked. 

He told them about Harry, about everything that had happened upstairs. He mentioned the story she read him and the way she tucked the boy up to his chin in the bedsheets. He couldn't bring himself to tell them about the way she stared at the door, or the shallow breathing that accompanied his sprint down the stairs. It seemed like a betrayal, but James tried not to think too much about that.

He did not miss the way the men's shoulders fell slightly, about the conspiratorial looks they sent over his head or the way Sirius’s eyes rolled as he listened.

James waited for them to speak, for someone to tell him what had happened in that house. They knew Lily, knew what she must have done and yet the way they looked at each other, mouths shut and body language closed made James feel like the outsider he knew he was.

James excused himself, eager for sleep. 

He pretended not to notice the furious whispering that began in his wake.