Chapter 9
Quiet.
Pure quiet was spread throughout the dorms as soon as they all walked in. Raven moved to her corner bed, holding her suitcase in her hands. Veronica moved to her middle bed, while Sophia moved on the other side of her. Natasha moved to her bed that was beside Raven, and Melanie moved to her bed that was beside Sophia. The room was round, big.
Despite all 5 beds, the room was still spacious even with the added draws and desks and cupboards. They had one bathroom for them all to share, a tub almost as big as their beds. Not to mention their soft carpet that they had, yellow to match their hearts.
Raven didn't like it at first. She didn't like how the sun shinned brightly in their room, against their yellow curtains. She didn't like how the vibe of the room never matched her heart, her feelings, but now, as she glanced around the tense room, she enjoyed it better than home. Because she knew while she was here, while they were tense, that her friends wouldn't hurt her.
A flash of their feared eyes from the train came into her mind. She shook her head, that was different. They had every right to be afraid of her, considering who her parents were.
But..
But Melanie wasn't.
She glanced over at her muggle born friend who was humming as she unpacked her bag. Melanie wasn't afraid of her. She just saw her as Raven, her friend. Not Raven Rosier, the daughter of two of the worlds worst people. Death eaters who tortured and killed any and everyone they laid their eyes on.
And yet, Raven knew that once Melanie did know about her parents, she'd probably be afraid of her too. Just like everyone else was. But for now, she'd take the small time that she had with Melanie until that day came to be. And she'd protect her, and her kind nature like a sister would.
Because Melanie was like the sun, while Raven was dark, a shadow who was destined to hurt those around her because of her parents.
"Raven!" Melanie skipped over to the girl, clutching a familiar black and worn book. Raven felt her eyes widened at the sight of the book. "I forgot to give this to you!"
Her sketchbook.
Her journal filled with all her dark, and true thoughts about any and everyone. Drawings about her whippings, drawings of her friends, drawing of anyone that caught her eyes. Memories that she could never forget.
"My— My sketchbook..." Raven reached out, grabbing the book from Melanie's hands. Her eyes narrowed, her stomach began to twist. "Why do you have my sketchbook?"
"You left it in our dorm last year." Melanie explained, a kind smile on her lips unlike Raven's tight expression. "And since I was the last one to leave, I took it."
"You took it?" Raven gripped onto the sketchbook tightly, defensively. To the others, it was almost as if she were afraid that Melanie would snatch it from her unworthy hands.
"Yeah!" Melanie exclaimed. "I knew it was important to you and I didn't want one of the elves to throw it away."
Raven clenched her jaw before glancing down at the rough fabric of the black leather journal. She brushed her thumb against it, feeling the weight of the book in her ridged fingers.
"Did you..." Raven hesitated for a moment, tightening her grip on the black journal. Her palm burned at her grip, burned at feeling the leather of the journal against her skin. She knew why, she knew that her nails penetrated her hideous skin, and she was powerless to stop it. "Did you look through it?"
"No."
"What?" Veronica scoffed, a teasing smile on her face. Raven felt the envy creep up at the sight because of how easy it fell onto her lips. "Did you sketch your boyfriend or something?"
"Ooooh," Sophia teased.
"Leave her alone girls." Natasha ordered. "It's obvious that whatever in there is important."
"Quit being such a buzz kill, Tasha." Veronica huffed, rolling her eyes. "We were just teasing our little Sunshine. Right, Soph?"
"Yeah!" The red haired girl hummed. "We know better than to look through a person sketch book. Isn't that like their babies?"
They all turned to Raven, who had long since relaxed at the feeling of her sketchbook on her chest. The rough leather felt like clay in her fingers, waiting for her to use it. She missed it, the feeling of relief it gave her when the pencil went over the book, sketching out her darkest secrets for her eyes and hers alone.
"Raven?"
"Mhmm?" Raven turned to her friends. "Did you say something? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."
Natasha softened her features at the sight of the girls dumbfounded expression. She couldn't help but feel ashamed of how she reacted on the train, especially at the innocence's of her friend. Natasha saw the way she was holding her sketchbook, the way that she looked so small, so closed off, so..
Times like these is where they were all reminded that Raven wasn't like her parents. No matter what their own parents say otherwise.
"Nothing." Natasha answered, a tiny smile tugged up and onto her lips. "Anyways, Ronnie still hasn't spilled the gossip."
"Oh my god!" Melanie shrieks. "Tell me the chisme."
"You were literally there." Sophia scoffed with a smile.
"What's chisme?" Raven asked at the same time. Melanie turned to Raven.
"Gossip." She translated before turning back to Sophia, a glint in her eyes. "I wasn't paying attention."
"I didn't know Raven had a twin." Natasha joked. Raven sighed, shifting on her feet before she looked Natasha straight in the eyes.
"My brother died with my parents."
"Shit, I'm so sorry—"
"Gotcha!" Raven giggled, a perfect and small one just like she was taught. "I don't even have brother, much less a twin!"
"Oh my god, Raven!" Natasha shrieked before walking over to Raven and hitting her shoulder over and over again. "You asshole!"
"Sometimes I can't tell if she's joking or not." Sophia leaned in towards Veronica, mumbling under her breathe.
"Me either." Veronica mumbled back. "It makes me uncomfortable sometimes."
"Same, but..." Melanie interjected, whispering under her breathe before she nodded her head towards Raven and Natasha. "Look how happy she is."
Raven was blocking Natasha hits with her arms as she carefully placed her journal on her pillow. She had a perfect smile on her lips for a few moments before a laugh crawled out of her throat and her smile grazed her lips. She looked happy, and she felt like it too.
"Yeah.." Veronica mumbled. "Its worth it."
"I love seeing her smile." Sophia admitted. The two girls turned to her. She was looking at Raven with a fond look. It was different than in love eyes, but more like, admired, almost like Raven was someone she looked up to. And maybe she was. "I hope she does it more often this year."
"Me too." Melanie hummed.
"Then, I guess it's our job to get her to smile, huh?" Veronica suggested, a smirk crept onto her face. Sophia and Melanie glanced at each other before looking back at Raven and Natasha's smiling faces.
"I guess it is." They concluded.
"Tasha!" Raven laughed, it sounded high pitch more than her usual one. Genuine. "I'm sorry, okay?! Please stop hitting me!"
"You are just like my siblings!" Natasha huffed, narrowing her eyes. Though, the small twitch in her lip gave away the way she felt.
"Is that a good thing?"
"I don't know, Rosie, is it?" Natasha glared. "Are you still going to make dead parents jokes?"
"Of course." Raven replied.
"Kill me now." Natasha shook her head, mumbling before she walked away, lifting her hands up high showing a sign of defeat. "I give up! I already know I'm going to fall for it every time."
"It's not my fault you guys forget!" Raven exclaimed. "Just remember."
"Just remember." Natasha mocked under her breathe before sighing turning to the rest of the girls. "Alright, it's getting late. Let's call it a night."
"Okay, mom." Veronica teased.
"I am not your mother!" Natasha stomped her foot, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Are you sure about that?" Sophia interjected, a teasing grin on her face. "Your acting a lot like her right now."
Melanie giggled at their words before sharing a look with Raven. And feeling the tension they shared earlier on the train disappear, replaced with the present instead of their past mistakes. Raven had forgiven them right when she saw the wand being pointed at her. She held no grudge towards her friends, especially considering the story of her and her parents in the wizarding world.
She was like Harry Potter in a sense.
Except she wasn't the hero.
She was the villain.
After a few moment, everyone got situated and fell into their beds. A calmness washed over the girls, all except Raven. She had always hated bed time, always hated the idea of sleeping around others. She could never sleep in her own home, could never sleep until the late hours when she was sure her uncle and aunt had fell asleep. Until she was sure that no one would attack her while she slept.
She knew, mentally, that none of the girls would hurt her. That they would sleep until day break. But her body didn't. Her body was always on high alert, especially at night when it was so quiet that even the slightest creek would keep her awake for the next hour.
And so, after two hours had passed, she took out her sketch book from under her pillow and began to draw. She twirled her fingers, summoning the her favorite infinite ink pencil that her Godfather had gifted her. Just like he had gifted her this book. It wasn't like the quills they used for school, no.. it was a muggle pencil, which is why she always hid it with her magic. Only summoning it when she wants to sketch.
She felt her pencil graze the paper before she allowed herself to be free, feel free. She let the pencil take her, capture whatever she had in her mind in that moment.
She sketched and sketched, and erased, and redid, over and over again till she was satisfied. She drew the windows, the lightness of the place. Gently brushing her pencil against the roughness of the page, turning it into shadows just as it was on that day. Then, she carefully captured the way her lips had parted, the way her eyes held flames inside of them at the insult. She drew the balled up fist, the slight tremble they held as well.
She drew and drew and drew as the seconds turned into minutes and the minutes turned into hours.
Until she gasped, small and quiet at the sight of her drawing finished.
She drew what happened at the book store. She drew her uncles facial expression, the way he looked down at the girl with angry eyes. She drew the way he held himself, a venous smirk that rivaled snakes. She drew his claw like hands and how sharp his nails cut into her skin.
But above all else,
She drew her.
She drew Hermione Granger.
The muggle born who insulted her mere moments after realizing who she was. The muggle born who puffed out her chest, got into her face, and harshly pointed her finger against her chest as well. She could still feel the tingling of her harsh finger tips as if it happened seconds ago. The muggle born witch who was a few inches shorter, having to look up at her with her piercing gaze that shot daggers into her heart.
The muggle born witch who had she had captured perfectly upon this drawing, sketching her as if she were the moon on a dark night. The way Raven had drew every hair on her head so delicately, taking her time with every detail as if her life was on the line. The way it parted on top, folding over each other as it fizzled outwards. How her hand was balled into a fist, clutching so tightly that it looked as if she had broken it. She sketched the way her eyebrows had furrowed, as if she looked at someone so disgusting. She sketched her lips. The way they parted, her two front teeth slightly bigger than the rest. But that didn't bug Raven one bit. If anything, Raven thought she looked fierce, like a vampire hunting for its prey.
And most of all, she sketched her eyes.
She sketched the way her eyes held flames in them as she called out her uncle without fear. Flames almost as bright as the flames of hell, glaring at her uncle as if he were the scum on this earth. She sketched how dark they were in that moment, looking more like daggers than her soft brown eyes that she had.
Raven brushed her thumb against the drawing, parting her lips as her breathe hitched in her throat. She felt fear creep up into her at her sudden interest in the muggle born. She had no idea why she drew this, no idea why she captured this specific moment so beautifully. Burning into her memory like any other artist would.
She never drew like this. Never took the time to. Usually, it would be a fast drawing, simple with a memory that was playing on replay in her brain in that moment. Or of her friends, even one or two of Cedric, but not like this. Never like this.
This was..
This was new.
And she had no idea if it was a good thing of a bad one.
She quickly shut her sketchbook, almost as if it burned her. Then, she twirled her fingers, vanishing the pencil in thin air before she tucked the journal underneath her pillow.
Shutting her eyes tightly, as the sickening black overtook her vision. She brought the blanket to her chest, clutching it as if she were scared someone would come and steal it from her grasp.
And she got her 3 darkening hours of sleep like she usually did, trying so desperately not to think of the muggle born witch that captured her interest.
Because Raven Mara Rosier does not dream of muggleborns.
Not now.
Not ever.
She did.
✦✦✦✦✦✦
Breakfast.
Raven was sitting in the great hall as breakfast was being passed around. She had arrived early, before the plates were even set. And so, she had the great privilege of watching the house elves prepare breakfast for the rest of Hogwarts. She was running on a few hours of sleep, and yet, she was still sitting straight, like a board was on her back.
The elves were scurrying around the place, quickly placing their plates on the table before any students awoke. Raven was a special case, since she had been waking up this early since her first day at Hogwarts. And plus, the entrance to the Hufflepuff dorms was through the kitchens, so.. she had already seen the elves hard at work. Cedric had introduced her to them, asking nicely if they could prepare the two of them food when they had went out passed curfew one night last year.
And since then, she's come to enjoy their company. It makes her miss her own house elf, Beasty. He was a sour one, mean and cold unlike Rosie was, but he had always treated Raven so gently. Even if he never said anything, Raven always knew that he would watch her sleep to make sure no one would disturb her or attack her. He even tucked her into bed, and told her stories after a long night when she was younger.
He took care of her.
And so, she would take care of them.
"Ms. Rosier!" A familiar elf shrieked. "You look as slim as an elf. No, that won't do! Enni will give you something right away!"
Enni, one of the few house elves that enjoy talking to students without fear of speaking out of turn. She was kind, sweet. Raven shook her head politely, giving a prim and perfect smile at the elf.
"It's alright, Enni." Raven said. "I'm not that hungry."
"Enni insist dear Ms. Rosier—"
"Just call me Raven—"
"Dori!" Enni called out. Another elf appeared beside her in an instant, listening. "Go and fetch Ms. Rosier a plate. She's been waiting long enough."
"No, Dori—" Raven tried to stop the elf, but it was too late as one snap of the finger, and the plate had appeared before her. Raven sighed, feeling as if a hand was gripping her throat upon looking at the filled plate.
"Don't.."
"Eat up, Ms. Rosier!" Enni clapped happily. "Enni made it herself just for Ms. Rosier!"
Raven felt her stomach clawing at her, as her lungs suddenly felt heavy upon looking at her food. It felt as if someone was sitting in her chest, preventing her from eating, breathing. Her fingers had a slight tremble to them now, as someone squeezed her heart, tightly.
And yet, she turned to a buzzing Enni with a polite smile. "Thank you, Enni."
"Anything for Ms. Rosier!"
With a swift snap of her fingers, she was gone, leaving Raven with the plate of food in front of her. It's smell made her cringe as her stomach stabbed her, twisting for food. Everything around her felt heavy, her hand, her fingers, her chest. She couldn't take her eyes off the food as her mouth began to water.
She could feel how her stomach aches for something to eat, but everything else in her didn't. Everything else was getting.. biting her inner cheek to stop the ever so present trembling in her fingers. Her heart was beating out of her chest, and yet, she stayed there. Frozen.
Not moving one bit to get a bite.
Her stomach growled again, reminding her of the task at hand. How long has it been since she had last eaten? She couldn't remember.
And so, with that thought, she moved her shaking hands over the fork that laid beside the plate of food, and clasped her palm over it. She felt the cold metal against her ridged palm, and she lifted it up, hesitating with her movements, before she scooped up a fork full of shivering rice.
The white texture made it slightly easier for her to eat it, as it looked like the paper she had in her sketchbook that always brings her comfort.
She pried her mouth open, like a crowbar prying open a metal door, shut tight. She could fell hands over her head, scratching her insides as the metal fork got closer and closer to her mouth. And as soon as it crossed the boarder between her lips, she shut her mouth, feeling the coldness of the fork on her tongue.
She chewed,
And swallowed, feeling the roughness of the shivering rice go down her throat.
She froze for a moment, waiting for someone, anyone to say something to her about her eating, but it was quiet. Truly, quiet as no one else had stepped a foot into the great hall. She listened, closely trying to see if she could hear the pattering of footsteps coming towards her, but she could hear none. No matter how much she strained her ears to try.
She sighed, relief filling her bones as her shoulders relaxed. She looked down at the food, running her tongue around her mouth to taste the shivering rice and she hummed in delight at the familiar taste. It tasted good, too good to just be a side dish. And so, she dug in once more, taking another scoop, a bigger scoop, and anxiously lead it towards her mouth.
Just before it passed the boarder once more,
A finger trailed down the side of her cheek, possessively, and yet, gentle.
"Are you really going to eat another bite?"
Raven stopped in her tracks, the fork halting mid air. Her mouth was wide, but now, it had shut. She didn't even need to glance to know who was beside her.
"One bite is enough for breakfast, Raven. You don't want to gain anymore weight while your here, do you?" Aunt Eleanor's venomous voice echoed inside of her ears. She felt the woman lean closer to her, whispering as if it were some big secret. "No one likes a girl with too much weight on her."
She dropped her fork.
And the shivering rice that she had eaten left her body the same way it went in.
Well, it almost did, if it wasn't for the hand that she had slapped over her mouth, halting the food from coming back up again. She cringed at the burning sensation in her throat, like she had swallowed fire instead of shivering rice. She balled her hand into a fist, forcefully swallowing it back down again.
A hand placed itself on her shoulder,
She jumped, flinching so hard as she turned to the person who touched her that she nearly fell off of her chair from whip lash. Her eyes were wide with fear, she could almost hear her aunt's voice as if she were right beside her.
"What have I said about eating breakfast?!"
"Raven, I see your up early."
"Professor Severus." Raven sighed in relief, feeling the weight of his hand decrease. "You scared me."
His hard eyes, softened ever so slightly at the sight of Raven's feared ones. His cold black eyes reminded her a little too much of her Uncle Nicholas as he looked down on her. She fought the urge to hunch in on herself.
"It's okay, little badger." Her Godfather did not say it as if it were venom on his tongue. "It's just the two of us."
"Right." She bit her inner lip. "Sorry, Uncle Sevie. My mistake."
He sighed, before he sat down on the bench. "What did I say about apologizing?"
"Not to." She mumbled.
"Your never in trouble with me."
"Aren't you disappointed?" Raven mumbled, messing around with her food. "I am a Badger."
"So."
"So?"
"Who cares?" He hummed, locking his black eyes with hers. His eyebrow quirked up, "Or do you value my opinions that much?"
Raven remained quiet, clenching her jaw as she turned her gaze away from his piercing one. She could feel her Godfather's eyes on her skull.
"Raven," He sighed, hesitating as he patted the top of her head. Raven tensed up under his touch for a moment before turning her gaze to him. His hand gently began to caress the top of her head, though, his movements held hesitance, almost as if he had never known how to display affect. It did not surprise Raven as her Godfather was not an affectionate person. But he was never cold with them. "I don't care what house you are in. All that matters to me is that your happy."
"Uncle Nicholas doesn't think so." Raven mumbled, turning away from her Godfather before she looked down at her food. The cold metal of the fork burned into her skin.
"Is Uncle Nicholas named Raven Rosier?"
"Huh?" Raven turned back.
"Is he named Raven Rosier?" Her Godfather repeated, taking his hand off of her head and resting it on the table beside them.
"No?" Raven said, puzzled by her Godfather's questions. He moved his hand over to the side of her mouth, using his index finger to clean away the mess that almost escaped her lips from before. Raven flinched at his touch, jumping back.
"Sorry." He pulled his hand back fast before he wiped the mess on his robes. "I didn't mean to frighten you."
"You didn't. I was just being.." Raven sighed. "Dramatic."
The two remained quiet for a few moments. Raven began to anxiously mess with her fingers, popping them. Index. Bop. Middle. Bop. Ring. Bop. Her Godfather reached out, placing his palm over hers, halting her motions. Raven turned to him and for a moment, she felt like she saw her reflection in his own.
"Nicholas's opinion should not matter as he is not you." Her Godfather broke the silence. His voice was soft, and yet, cold. He didn't speak too loud, didn't speak too quiet. He spoke just enough for Raven to hear, for Raven to understand. His voice wasn't cold like her Uncle. Not really, as he had always talked like that for as long as she can remember. But it was still gentle, as were his hands. "He is not living your life. He is not traveling the same path you are. No one is. No one will be able to understand the burden you bare on your shoulders except you. So, the only person who's opinions should matter is your own. If your happy as a Hufflepuff, then that's brilliant. But you should not let the opinions of others affect the way you view yourself, or those around you, understand? As long as you know what is true inside of your heart."
Raven felt her lip wobble at his words.
But she didn't want to show how deeply moved she was by them. How they will probably keep her up at night for years to come. How they will be the words that she will look to during hard times. These words will echo inside of her brain for the rest of her life, as she bares the weight of her parents sins on her shoulders.
"Yeah." A single tear fell from her eye. She quickly wiped it away, a smile tugged up and onto her lips. Her smile. "You're right."
Her Godfather stiffened once he felt her head on his arm, as she leaned into him. Raven did not move even when he did not relax, instead, she allowed this small moment of imperfection to continue between the two of them just like it would have happened at his house in the muggle world. How it should have happened if she wasn't a Hufflepuff.
"Have you been practicing your magic?" She heard him ask. Raven nodded against his arm. He hummed, "Any outburst?"
"Not yet." Raven said. "Uncle Nicholas was teaching me some spells, but it was really hard."
Her Godfather sighed. "That man doesn't know how to teach properly. It's not your fault for his stupidity."
Raven giggled at his words, and if she had looked up, she would have saw a sliver of a smile twitch up and onto her usual emotionless Godfather. Her posture might have still been perfect as she laid against his arm, but she was relaxed. Calm. Safe.
"My friends think he's charming." Raven said, cringing at her own words.
"Your friends must have terrible taste." Her Godfather replied. "Because that man is anything but charming."
"Like stupid?"
Her Godfather chuckled. "Yeah, like stupid."
"My friends are weird." Raven hummed. "But I like them. They're nice to me."
"That's good." He nodded before he glanced at her full food. Looking as if it hadn't been touched. "You should eat."
Raven stiffened.
"I'm not that hungry." She lied. It was funny in a sense since Hufflepuff's were known for their honesty, but Raven lies too often. Maybe she should have been meant for Slytherin after all.
"That's okay." He said before he picked up the fork that was left on the table. Then, he grabbed his wand that was inside of his robes before he pointed it at the fork. "Geminio."
Suddenly, the fork duplicated, creating another of the exact same right beside it.
"Wow!" She exclaimed leaning off of his arm as she looked at the forks. "What spell was that?"
"The Doubling Charm. I'll teach it to you later." Her Godfather stated. He put his wand back before he grabbed the fork, and handed Raven hers. "Now, how about we split it? Mhmm?"
Raven froze for a moment before relaxing, a twitch of a smile came onto her face.
"Okay."
And the two of them split her food, eating, and talking until the first clatter of footsteps made their way towards the great hall.