Chapter 8
"Now, children,"
"You must behave yourselves at Hogwarts." Uncle Nicholas finished. He narrowed his cold eyes down at them. "Is that understood?"
"Yes, father."
"Yes, uncle."
"Good." He hummed before he stepped back, allowing for his wife to step forward and say her goodbyes. Aunt Eleanor hurrily rushed over with a grin on her face.
"Christopher, my little sweet," Aunt Eleanor cooed as she gently stroked his cheek. Christopher backed away from her touch as if he had been burned by her hands before he stopped, feeling Uncle's eyes on him. "Play nice at Hogwarts. We don't want another incident, do we?"
The incident being that he almost got suspended for cursing out a Mudblood, pushing him harshly as if he were scum on the earth. Draco got off with a slap on the wrist, but Chris, Uncle had to come and talk to him.
Raven glanced at her Uncle, seeing the hint of a smirk on his lips, almost praising his behavior.
"Actually, son," Uncle interjected, leaning closer to the black haired boy with eyes like his own. "Do not listen to your mother."
Aunt Eleanor huffed, rolling her eyes at her husbands words, but the slight smile on her lips made Raven want to shiver. It was devilish, almost as if she were glad for the interruption. Uncle Nicholas glanced around before lowering his voice whispering to Christopher. "Show those pathetic Mudbloods who the real wizards are. Make me proud."
Raven could see the way Christopher's jaw clenched, could see the way he stiffened at his father's words as if they rubbed him the wrong way. Uncle Nicholas stood up straight, fixing his suit before he starred down at them once more. "That goes for you two as well."
Raven gulped, fear creeped into her arms, sending sparks down her neck and into her heart. She couldn't help but feel the terror upon looking into her Uncle's eyes, feeling as if she were close to the sight of the devil himself upon first glance. It made her feel weak, unworthy.
"But most of all, children," Aunt Eleanor clapped happily, excited. "Have fun!"
Her voice lowered, as she glanced at both Raven and Katherine. The darkness in her eyes made Katherine and Raven stiffen, straightening their posture even more than before. It was almost as stiff as a board, tight. "And watch your weight, dears. I don't want to have to buy another dress a size too big."
She closed her eyes, flashing them a sickening grin as if her previous words got lost in the wind and not struck inside of their hearts. "Make sure you get top marks. We wouldn't want anything less than perfect now, would we, girls?"
"Yes, ma'am." Katherine said, while Raven just nodded, not trusting her voice.
"Good." She hummed as if she hadn't threatened them about the consequences of failure. Though, it was vague. The two of them understood the underlying nature of her words. "Now, say goodbye to your father."
Raven felt invisible.
She watched as Christopher hesitated before hugging Uncle Nicholas, stiffening at the hand on his back before he let go and moved onto Aunt Eleanor. She watched as he hugged his mother, tightly before relaxing in her embrace like a son would. Despite how much he denied it, Christopher was a mama's boy. He loved his mother more than he loved breathing, and he would do anything to please her.
Just like he would do with his father. Something Raven did not feel envy for. Or maybe, she did. She did not know, not understanding her own messed up feelings had become something she was used to.
She turned away from the mother and son and glanced over at Katherine, watched as the father and daughter hugged. He had one hand on his daughters back, holding her close, while the other was on her head, caressing it as if she were a baby in his arms. Katherine had her arms wrapped around him, almost as if she were scared to leave his embraced.
Raven felt her stomach twist as soon as she saw the man kiss the side of his daughters head, showing her the love Raven lacked.
Despite his words, despite his actions, the man truly loved his first born more than he loved himself. The way he held her was proof enough. And Raven, she felt like a fish lost at sea, invisible to any and everyone with eyes. She glanced away from the four of them, feeling as if she were invading in on a family matter.
She turned to the other families at the station, the way the mothers and fathers hugged their children with such love, such delicacy that made Raven want to scream. The way children around around the station, smiling, laughing as if they had no trouble in their lives, as if they were true and wild and free to be whatever they wished to be.
While Raven would forever be responsible for her parents sins, responsible for fixing them, responsible for dying a painful death in exchange for every life they took.
The train hooted, signally the few minutes they had before it's departure. She glanced at the Flint family once more and watched as they let go, a father letting go of its first born, a mother letting go of her son, before Katherine rushed over to her mother and gave her a small hug, almost hesitating.
"Alright, my little sweets," Aunt Eleanor gently pushed them towards the train. "Off you go!"
And they all obeyed,
Leaving Raven feeling the lack of an embrace inside of her chest, as her ever so beating heart ached for someone, anyone to notice..
But no one did, not when they got on the train, or when the door closed, or when she was literally standing, waiting in front of their eyes for them to notice that she hadn't been touched. So, she sucked it up, with her head held high as the door closed behind her, holding her luggage tightly in her hands.
She bit her inner lip to stop the bleeding in her chest, and stop the lump in her throat from wanting to escape because she was stronger than that. She was perfect, a Rosier that is anything less than perfect is a failure, ugly, unworthy in the eyes of many. Just as she would be in the eyes of few.
"I'm going to go and find Draco." Christopher spoke, breaking Raven's thoughts. "Don't follow me, Mari."
Raven glanced at Christopher, a sudden sting in her chest at his words as she watched as he left, suitcase in his arms. She quickly followed after him, grabbing his wrist, halting him in his steps.
"Are you still..." She whispered, quiet. "Mad at me?"
Christopher turned to her, but Raven had her head down like a little kid getting scolded. He had opened his mouth to speak, but Raven beat him too it.
"Please don't be mad, Toph!" She begged, her voice cracked as she tightened her grip on his wrist. "I swear I didn't mean for you and Draco to fight. I promise!"
Raven did not want to start the year with her cousin being mad at her. She wouldn't be able to handle it.
"Raven—"
"Chris!" A familiar voice called out for her cousin, hurried footsteps rushed over to them. "Finally, you're here! I was worried that you missed the train!"
Raven instantly let go of Christopher's wrist, standing up straight as she wiped away any evidence of her emotions on her face. She stood tall, head raised high like she was taught. She wouldn't show weakness, not in front of him.
Theodore Nott.
"Hey, Rotten Rosier." Theodore teased, almost singing her nickname as if it were a term of endearment than an insult. Raven glared back at him, clenching her jaw so she wouldn't say anything not ladylike. "Looks like your little boy toy isn't here to protect you, is he?"
Christopher scoffed at Theodore's words before he turned away from Raven, knocking his shoulder harshly into the brown haired boys. Theodore stumbled for a moment, glaring at his friend, but Christopher just continued to walk.
"Let's go, Theo." He ordered. And for a moment, a flash of Uncle Nicholas replaced the boy before it was gone in an instant. "Don't waste your time on the badger."
Raven couldn't help but flinch at his insult.
"You're no fun, Chris!" Theodore exclaimed at the boy, before turning back to Raven, a mischievous smirk on his face as he inches closer to her. Raven stiffened, but stayed strong, not wanting to show the boy any sign of weakness as he began to caress her cheek, taunting her. "Poor little badger, all alone—"
Suddenly, his wrist was gripped tightly, pulling him away from Raven's cheek. She felt her eyes widened at the way Christopher was glaring daggers at the boy, his hand gripping onto his wrist so tight, she was surprised the boy hadn't cried out in pain.
"Let's go." Christopher tugged him harshly before he pulled him fully away from Raven. His grip on his wrist never loosened as they walked, leaving Raven alone with her eyes burning onto their backs.
And yet, she had one question on her mind :
Why would Christopher help her?
"No one will ever hurt you again. I swear it, Raven. Not while I'm here."
Her eyes widened, hearing his previous words inside of her head from the first night she returned home after her whipping.
"Appearances, Raven. This world is all about appearances."
That's right. Christopher wasn't mean. He didn't believe in all of those pureblood beliefs like his father. No, not after visiting the muggles with Uncle Severus. Not after all those movie days, exploring the city, talking to muggles as if they were old friends. He didn't believe it.
Like Raven doesn't.
Like Katherine doesn't.
None of them believe it, but everyone thinks they do. Many not so much Raven since she arrived in the Hufflepuff dorms, but Katherine and Christopher had an audience to fool. They were amongst the Purebloods who live and breathe those beliefs, and so, they had to act as if they did as well.
Raven had forgotten. She had it easy compared to the two of them. She could be herself, if she chooses, and their would be no eyes on her. No consequences for laughing, for smiling, for breathing near a Mud— no, a muggleborn. She needed to stop thinking that way, stop forcing her mind.
She was free in a way that her cousins weren't and they knew that too.
And that's why Christopher had to act as if he hated her, act as if he wanted nothing to do with her, especially in front of his friends. He couldn't allow them to see that he stood by her side, stood by her beliefs, not with the possibility of one of them accidentally telling their parents and they tell his.
He would do anything to avoid getting whipped, even if that meant being a coward (not that Raven thought he was, if anything, he was brave for pretending, brave to go against his own beliefs for his safety) and pretending to be someone he wasn't at the cost of his sanity, his heart.
"Mari?" Katherine questioned, placing her hand on Raven's shoulder. "Are you alright?"
Raven flinched at the touch, a strike of pain filled her as Katherine's hand went directly over her bruised shoulder. She bit her lip to hide the wince that threatened to leave her, she didn't want the golden girl to worry for her.
"I'm fine." She replied before she moved passed her, walking over to her suitcase. "I got to go find my friends."
Katherine reached out to stop her once more, but Raven was already out the door, suitcase in hand. She didn't dare look back at Katherine, at the Golden Girl. All she wanted to do was go and find her friends, and just forget. She wanted to forget about her achy heart, forget about her blood status, forget about the new scars on her back. She just wanted to live.
And to smile, maybe even laugh..
She didn't know yet if she'd get that far. She was supposed to be perfect, not anything less than. Like her parents, prim, proper, perfect.
Pure.
"Ray—Ray!"
Cedric fucking Diggory, just her luck. The boy she was kind of trying to avoid after what Uncle Nicholas had did at the party. She turned to the boy, a small tug of her lips as she looked at him. He was running towards her, looking more like a puppy than a teenager. Raven did not put her suitcase down, gripping it tightly.
"Hey!" He exclaimed before he ruffled her hair, a flash of fear struck into Raven's heart at the action. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't perfect. "Look at how big you've grown!"
Huh? Raven deadpanned. He looked at her, a charming grin on his face before he crotched down, almost as if he were trying to make Raven appear bigger than she actually was. He gasped.
"Oh my god!" He grabbed her by her shoulders, nearly shaking her. Raven fought the urge to wince at his touch, tensing. "You're— You're.. a giant! A bloody giant, how come you didn't tell me, Ray—Ray? I thought we were friends?!"
"Merlin," Raven scoffed, before she smacked the side of Cedric's face. "Let me go! You see me last month!"
"You grew this tall in a month?!"
"Cedric!" Raven exclaimed, not being able to fight the smile on her lips. She giggled at his antics before she gave him a look as she smacked his shoulders until he let go. One. Two. Three.
"Ow!" Cedric stood up. "I didn't know giants hit so hard!"
"I am not a giant!" Raven shrieked.
"Clearly." He rolled his eyes playfully before he leaned down closer to her, a teasing grin on his face. "Actually, from this angle, you look more like a little mouse."
"And you look like a toad." Raven glared. Cedric gasped, placing a hand over his heart. A fake look of sadness fell across his face before he made his lip wobble.
"You know, words hurt, Raven!" He cried out. Raven raised her eyebrow.
"You called me a little mouse."
"Words hurt!"
"Little mouse."
"Words hurt!"
"Little mouse!"
"Words hurt!"
"Okay, okay!" Raven shook her head, feeling the burning stare of passerby. She couldn't afford to act childish in front of so many people. Prim and proper, right? Though, throughout this whole conversation, Raven hadn't once began to relax, or slouch, or anything of the sort.
Cedric had the special ability to make Raven smile, make her feel as if she could be herself around the boy without fear or consequences. But.. that didn't mean she felt that way in public. Sure, she could goof around. Have a good time, but.. she was still a Rosier and she had a reputation to uphold.
She couldn't afford to slouch, couldn't afford to smile with her teeth, couldn't afford to laugh, hard like he does. She couldn't afford to be too rough, almost boy like. She couldn't afford to say what she truly wanted, not unless they were alone, and even then..
She couldn't afford for someone to see her as anything less than perfect. Not even Cedric.
"I'm sorry." She felt her genuine toothless grin tug down into a small, perfect smile. "Words do hurt."
"You're exactly like them, aren't you?"
She should know.
"What was that?" Cedric questioned, concern in his tone as he examined Raven's face. "What just happened?"
Raven almost shrugged. She stiffened at her near mistake, women weren't supposed to shrug. It was considered rude, wasn't it? Aunt Eleanor thought so at least.
"Nothing." Raven said instead. "Just.."
Burning eyes on her back, almost as cold as the whip. She could practically hear the sound of the whip as it smacked against the floor.
"Do you know where my friends are?" Raven smiled, strained.
"Yeah, let me take you to them!" Cedric nodded before he glanced behind them, finally feeling the eyes that Raven had been burning under their gaze. He took a step towards them, glaring. "Do you have a starring problem or something?!"
"Cedric," Raven grabbed his arm, tugging him towards her. "It's fine. Let's go."
He glanced back at her before sighing, "Fine, but next time, I'll—"
"Nope." Raven shook her head. "I don't want you getting in trouble for me."
"But, Raven—"
"No!"
Silence passed between the two before Cedric nodded, agreeing with her words. He bent down, taking her suitcase from her hands and into his own.
"What are you doing?" Raven asked, trying to take the suitcase back. But Cedric dodged her hold, a smile on his face.
"I'm helping my friend with her bags."
"Cedric," Raven tried to stop him again, but the boy began to walk and Raven had to follow after him. "You don't have to—"
"I want to." He smiled, a big grin as he glanced at Raven. "Besides, someone's got to help your tiny ass!"
"Cedric!"
Cedric's laughter was heard throughout the entire train, making Raven feel a little lighter than when she first board the train.
✦✦✦✦✦✦
"Rae!"
Raven had just entered the compartment that occupied her friends. Cedric was behind her, holding onto her suitcase still, despite Raven's protest. Natasha was sitting in the corner, her legs dangling over the seat politely, while Sophia was laying and the other end of the seat, her legs over Natasha. The blonde haired girl looked unbothered by the dark red haired girls action, almost as if she were expecting it.
But Raven thinks that she was probably used to it because of her younger siblings. She glanced over at Veronica and Melanie. Veronica had her arm wrapped around Melanie, holding her close like best friends. Melanie was twirling her wand around, the hint of magic sneaking out.
"Raven!" The rest of the girls shrieked upon realizing that Raven was standing there. Natasha pushed Sophia's legs off before she stood up, pointing a finger at Raven's face accusingly. Raven couldn't fight the flinch that escaped her. She had just hoped the burning eyes of Cedric didn't read too much into it.
"Why the hell haven't you been answering our owls?!" Natasha exclaimed. Raven could practically see the steam escaping her ears.
Raven opened her mouth to respond but Veronica shoved her aside, and onto Sophia. Natasha groaned at the action before she sent the girl a glare.
"Enough, Tasha!" Veronica smiled, not caring about what she just did. Raven felt a tug of her lips, perfect despite it wanting to expand further up. "Now, Rae, do I have some gossip to tell—"
Veronica froze upon seeing Cedric waiting outside of the compartment with Raven's suitcase in his hands. She glanced at the boy before smirking, returning her gaze to Raven.
"Ohh, Raven, I see you." Veronica cooed, "You had to see your boyfriend first."
Raven cringed.
"Ew."
"I'm literally standing behind you."
"I know."
"Lovers quarrel, I see." Veronica smirked before she glanced over at Sophia. "Pay up, Soph. I told you so."
"Technically, she hasn't admitted anything." Sophia said, glancing between Raven and Cedric. A smirk overcame her features as well. "So.. Cedric, how long have you been seeing our dear sunshine?"
"Uhhh, never?" Cedric furrowed his eyebrows.
"Why did you say that as a question?!" Raven exclaimed, raising her voice. Veronica, Melanie, Natasha, and Sophia's eyes widened at the development. None of them have ever heard her raise her voice, except during the first day.
"Excuse me for being caught off guard, Ray—Ray?!" Cedric argued back.
"Oh my god!" Raven groaned. She smacked her face, mumbling to herself. "I swear sometimes I'm the adult."
"Hey!" Cedric exclaimed. "I heard that!"
Raven sighed, inhaling sharply. She could not afford to be anything less than perfect. She needed to remind herself of that. She could practically feel the burning on her wrist as the ruler strikes her hand. She didn't want to deal with that pain again.
Not now, at least.
"Wait, so your not dating?" Veronica questioned, a hint of disappointment in her tone.
"Nope." Raven shook her head. "He like 100 years older than me."
"Two." Cedric mumbled. "I'm not that old."
"You look like it." Raven teased. Cedric glared at the girl before he dropped her bag dramatically, though, it fell onto the floor soft.
"And this friendship is over!" He exclaimed before he walked away, crossing his arms. Raven rolled her eyes, a hint of a smile on her lips before she stuck her head out of the compartment, burning her eyes into his back.
"You're still sitting with me at the hall?" She called out to him.
"Yeah!" He said back, not facing her. And soon he was out of sight, and Raven pulled her suitcase back into the compartment with a sliver of a smile on her face. It was small, not like the perfect ones she had practiced, but genuine.
She turned back to her friends as soon as the compartment door closed. They all looked at her, shocked expressions on their faces.
"What?" She questioned. They continued to stare. She reached out to her face. "Do I have something on my face?"
"No." Melanie said, causing Raven to glance down at the girl. A faint smile appeared onto her lips, as her eyes began to shine. She looked happy, truly happy. Raven couldn't help but compare Melanie to the sun.
"Then, what?" Raven asked.
"We've never seen you like that before." Sophia spoke up, breaking the tense silence.
"Like what?" Raven questioned. They girls exchanged glances.
"Nothing." Natasha smiled, "Nevermind. Anyways, back to what I was saying before—"
"Oh hush, Ms. Bossy!" Veronica gently shoved Raven, pushing her onto the seat beside Melanie. She stiffened as soon as her shoulders brushed against Melanie. Veronica sat down beside Raven, a huge smile on her face. "Raven, you will not believe the gossip I have!"
"Oh, here she goes again." Sophia groaned. A loud smack was heard. "Ow, Tasha! What did I do?!"
"Don't be mean!" Natasha gave the girl a pointed look. Sophia crossed her arms over her chest. Natasha turned to Raven, pointing a finger at her. "And you! Why were you ignoring our owls?"
The sound of a whip echoed inside of Raven's brain, almost as if she could hear it right in front of her. She fought the urge to flinch, fought the urge to close her eyes. Instead, she clenched her jaw, looking over her shoulder, and towards the window avoiding their eyes. "My family's owl is really lazy. He doesn't even deliver my uncle's mail sometimes, and he's the Minister."
"Speaking of your uncle," Veronica smirked, sharing a glance with Sophia. "Why didn't you tell us he was such a catch?"
"Did you see the way he smiled?!" Sophia shrieked, a light blush on her face.
"He's like 30 years older than you?" Natasha deadpanned, glancing between the two girls.
"So?!" Veronica exclaimed.
"My mom was 10 years older than my dad." Melanie interjected. Raven glanced at her, and seen the bright smile that Raven had come to want to protect. Innocent.
"Look out, Raven." Veronica hummed. "I could be your new mama."
"How?" Raven bit back her smirk. "Unless, you dig my dad up and raise him from the dead then, maybe? But even then, he'd have to give you a chance."
"I—"
"HAHAHAHA!"
"OH MY GOD! RAVEN!"
"Look, she's getting red!"
Raven felt a genuine smile tug up and onto her lips at her friends smiles, feeling the tension inside of her slowly disappeared. She didn't feel like Raven Rosier, the girl who's destined to become her parents.
She felt like Raven.
Just Raven, watching as her friends laughed.
Smack.
But fate always had a cruel way to remind her that she will never just be Raven, even amongst her friends, especially around her friends.
Raven felt as if she couldn't breathe with Veronica's hand on her back. The girl had smacked it, jokingly, but her body did not realize that. No, her body thought she was under attack, getting whipped again and again and again like she had when she was 9. Like she had when she returned home from Hogwarts. Like she had every-time she made a mistake.
She balled her hand into a fist, white as snow. She couldn't feel the way her nails began to dig into her skin as she tried her hardest to not punch Veronica. As she tried her hardest not to say slurs at her half blood best friend who had been nothing but kind to her, despite her silence this summer.
She couldn't do it.
She couldn't start the year off like this, alone without her friends because of her.. issue. She'd suck it up, hold her tongue as Veronica brushed against her scars, mimicking a whip. She hold her tongue as she flinched against each smack, each touch. She hold her tongue as she tensed up, as stiff as a board with posture so straight, so perfect, that it revealed even the toughest table.
"Oh my god, is that a flying car?!" Sophia exclaimed, standing up from her seat and looking out the window. Natasha instantly joined her side, eyes wide as she watched the car fly beside the train.
"Bloody hell!" Natasha gasped. "It's Harry Potter!"
Veronica perked up at the name, taking her hand off of Raven's back. But that didn't calm the storm inside of the red haired. Her balled hand began to tremble from the pain that had merely felt like a pinch compared to the whips.
"Move!" Veronica shrieks, running up and out of her seat towards the window. She shoved her two friends aside, getting a front row view of the car. "Let me see!"
Melanie stood up from her seat before she took a step onto the seat to see passed the girls and towards the car. Almost instantly after she had done that, everyone had gasped and Raven kept trying to calm her racing heart.
"Oh my god!" Melanie cried out. She reached down, grabbing Raven's tense shoulder as she shook her. "Potter's going to die!"
Die.
Raven jumped up, looking out the window as well and saw the way Harry was gripping onto the handle bar with strength that rivaled even the strongest wizard. He held onto it for dear life, as his body fought against the wind looking more like a rag doll than a boy.
"Someone needs to do something!"
"I don't know any spells!"
"We need a 5th or 6th year!"
"Alert the prefects!"
"Everyone move!" Raven ordered. The girls flinched at her words, quieting down before they turned to her. Raven had grabbed her wand from her rob, holding tightly in her hand as a rush went through her. Connected. Calm. Controlled. That's what the wand made her feel like. And so, she pointed the wand at Harry, focusing as she remembered the spell she had went over with Uncle Severus three summers ago.
And just as Harry lost his grip, falling to his death. Raven shouted, "Alarte Ascendare!"
The red light from her wand shot out and through the window, breaking it before it hit Harry in his back. The boy who lived flew instead of fell, flying back into the car until he hit the roof. Raven sighed, a breath of relief escaped her.
She was glad it worked, glad that the boy had survived instead of died a painful death. That was her job, wasn't it? Not his. She had already took too much away from him, and his life shouldn't be added to the list. Even if it was the fault of her parents.
She glanced at her friends and saw Natasha protectively in front of the others, almost like she was using her body as a brace. She had her wand pointed at her, threateningly. Veronica was looking at her with wide eyes, while Sophia was pushing her body back and into the wall, looking as if she were trying to hide.
Raven could sketch the fear in their faces, in their eyes, in their trembling fingertips. Raven felt the calmness, the glee from performing her spell to save Harry Potter disappear in an instant at their expressions.
They were.. afraid of her.
"That was so cool!" Melanie exclaimed, breaking the silence as she jumped off of the chair and onto the compartment floor. Everyone flinched at her interruption, before she rushed over, a sparkle in her eyes as she grabbed Raven's shoulders.
Raven couldn't find it in herself to wince at the pain from the bruise from Melanie's curious eyes.
Natasha joined in, relaxing as her wand laid to rest at her side. She moved, placing her hand on Melanie's shoulder, locking eyes with a Raven's sapphire ones. "Raven, I— I just reacted—"
"I'm sorry, Raven." Veronica said, ashamed. "We just thought— I just thought—"
"I know."
She can never be just Raven.
"Thought what?" Melanie chimed in as Sophia, Veronica, and Natasha looked down ashamed. Raven wasn't surprised that Melanie had no idea what they were talking about as she was a muggle born, so she didn't grow up around the scary story about her parents and their sins.
Raven turned to her, flashing her a perfect, strained smile. Her fist was still balled. "Nothing, just a misunderstanding."
That happens more than she liked to admit.
"I— Wait," Melanie shrieks, holding Raven's shoulder as she began to shake her. She gasped, as her smile blinded Raven. "The spell! How did you do that?!"
"Where did you learn that, Rae?" Veronica asked, before a smirk came onto her face. "Did your boyfriend teach it to you?"
"For the last time, he is not my boyfriend!"
Laughter echoed throughout the compartment before Raven began to explain the spell, her hand still balled into a fist. What she hadn't realized were the eyes on her,
On the red stained tear that trailed down her knee coming from the palm of her hand.