The Value
YN spend the past days studying, practising and attending to the classes, Charms, Transfiguration, History of Magic, these subjects would always bring her a horrible headache, such a big one than she would rather fall to the bed and just lay in there, rotting. But lately, YN has been thinking of Professor Snape, yes, she still is having classes with him as the seventh-year students, but it is still uncomfortable talking to him, her heart still regrets her words, saying the name of Voldemort, what was she thinking? Her hands move up to her face, brushing it tiredly of everything.
A small knock on the door interrupts her rotting.
"Come iiiiin..." YN shouts with her voice muffed against the bed. One second later, the door of the bedroom is open, entering Folsi Rets, with her black hair tie in long box braids.
"Dying in the bed, I see. I was expecting you to die in a more... Beautiful way." Teases YNs roommate as she sits in border of the bed. Her light and soft browned hand lays on the back of YN.
"What’s the matter with you now?" Asks Folsi with a gentle smile, trying to question her friend and maybe cheer her up. YN only grumbles and murmurs against the bed, not saying any coherent sentence.
"YN, c’mon, you are quite a grown up to making noises." Declares Folsi with a more authoritative tone and her smile vanishing. YN sighs heavily and turns to a side, just to look up the wooden ceiling of her bed.
"Folsi... Do you know what you want to do when you graduate from here?" Asks YN with a monotone voice but her eyes express a small hint of sadness. Folsi hums, thinking.
"Well, most probably I will end up working in the family farm. Both mom and dad are quite old now and their bodies aren’t the ones they used to be. So, I will polish my studies in Herbology so I can produce a great number of magical plants and sell them." Answers back Folsi with a small smile, thinking her words, the idea of taking over the family farm it really excites her, she is proud of her family, so taking control over it with her brother and sister seems like a wish come true. "And you, YN?"
YN grumbles again and covers her face with the yellow pillow next to her.
"No idea, right?" Assumes Folsi with a smile on her lips. "Cmon, there must be something that interests you... Aren’t obsessed with Muggles?" As Folsi finishes that sentence, YN sits in the bed and looks at Folsi, directly to her beautiful in her caramel eyes.
"Are you insane?!" Shouts YN "I-I mean I would! But what does the Wizarding World care about Muggles? What can I bring to the table? Dr. Who? Myspace? Korn? Those are nothing to the wizards! Everyone in here is boring!" Keeps shouting YN completely frustrated to then fall back to the bed with a groan.
"Well... I don’t know what you said in there but sadly you are right. I mean, the only work Muggle related are either a Muggle Expert or a... Muggle relations? I think?"
"See-" YN again lifts her body up and extends her arm. "Those works are completely boring! Muggle expert, tsk, had you seen the classes even? They only teach us boring stuff like, what is a car? O-Or muggle foods, what?! Does that do ring a bell to you?" Folsi rolls her eyes with an uncomfortable grimace.
"But YN, think of your situation, you are a muggle born, you a used to that kind of stuff but me, a pure blood, doesn’t know any of that."
"Y-Yeah I know but c’mon!" YN without thinking, searchers inside of her satchel once again and pulls out her iPod and shows it to her. "Folsi, do you think that you will ever know what this device is?" Asks YN still having her frustrated tone as Folsi examinates it with interest, her head tilting to a side.
"That device, is a little... Box in which you can store any song that you want!"
"W-Wait, any song?"
"Yes! In this little thing you can go and put inside your favourite song and listen to it every time you want-" YN, out of excitement and passion in her explanation, she stands up in the bed. "Without using a wand! Don’t you realise? The muggles have this sort of technology made with their bare hands! They don’t need to use magic"
Immediately, YN falls from the bed now grabbing Folsi’s shoulders.
"The muggles are amazing! And I love everything they make! I... I just wish that the wizarding world would have this sort of technology..." She sighs heavily, her rush of energy slowly fading until she lays back to the bed.
"This world, even after when it almost got destroy by Voldemort, it still has this... Stupid idea that Muggles shouldn’t be inside of it, that the half-blooded or even the muggle born aren’t supposed to exists and there is people out there, people that no matter their blood, manage to prove themselves to be worthy to be called a wizards." YN rambles now more calmly but that hint of frustration still lingering inside of her. Folsi hums and looks guilty in some way, feeling also remorse to not be able to provide any sort of help for YN. It is obvious that their lives are different as their situations as witches but still, the wizards inside of this magical world, should always help each other out, even more after what they all suffer.
"YN, I... I don’t feel that I am the right person for you to talk. Maybe, if you find someone with the same... Questioning, a half-blooded or even a muggle born, they might understand you better." As Folsi tries to soothe YN concerns, YN starts to think Someone with my own problems? Someone who struggles in this wizarding world? Someone...
Suddenly, YN sits up in the bed, her eyes narrowing but Folsi looks at her with a confused look of how she quickly sits up.
"I got an idea." Murmurs YN before she stands up from the bed and walks out of the bedroom.
"YN w-wait!" Yells Folsi standing up, but she just sighs and placing her hand up to her forehead.
YN rushes her pace to leave the common room and walk all over Hogwarts, she skips some students that cross on her way who look curious on why this student is running like crazy. YN turns in a corner and goes down in some stone stairs and runs in a long hallway until she gets in front of a dark wooden door in which she knocks.
"P-P-Professor... S-Snape!" She yells with an agitated voice, feeling like she is about to pass out for all the running. As she tries to catch her breath and sounding like a pug, the door is open by the professor Snape himself, who looks both surprised and disgusted as she makes those noises.
"Ms. YLN, if you are searching for a breathing potion, you could just had gone to the nursery." He says in his monotone of voice and with narrow eyes. YN lifts her hand and wiggles her index fingers, indicating that is not necessary. After taking a deep breath and regaining back some air, she swallows her saliva and speaks.
“P-Professor Snape, I need a… A counsellor.” Says YN with a defeated gaze, in hopes for him to accept her odd request.
“A counsellor, Ms. YLN?” Asks back Snape, with narrow eyes and annoyed tone of voice in it. “That is, if is not, the most absurd thing that my ears had the misfortune to ear.” Follows Snape now with venom in his words. YN doesn’t look shock at all, as if, someway, she knew that it was going to be his answer to her plead.
“Aside of that, Ms. YLN, do you see me capable to help you? You should ask someone who is more willing to guide you in your misfortunes, try professor Lupin, he will help you by giving you chocolate a few pats on your shoulder-”
“But I don’t want his help!” Quickly interrupts YN with a sightly louder voice. “I-I know it is foolish of me to ask help to someone like you, someone who people will whisper horrible things about you as a person but… I do believe, deep in my heart, that you could understand me and… And maybe guide me in these complicated tangled thoughts I have.”
Silence wraps both the professor and the student in those cold stone hallways in the underground of Hogwarts. YN can see the mixed emotions in those black eyes of his, the doubt, the pain in small bits, she knows that he is taking his time to consider, and she will provide any time she has for him.
“Ms. YLN, you can come to my office, but I will give you exactly one hour to unleash your deepest thoughts. If I find any single piece of information that disgusts me, I will make sure that you never set a foot inside of my office. Understood?” Murmurs Snape very closely to YN face but her features do not twitch or finch at his menacing words.
“I understood, Professor Snape.” Answers the student with a serious expression, her heart beats fast but it isn’t for being close to him, no, it beats for knowing that maybe, just maybe, she will have someone on her side that might understand her, help her to fully express her feelings and to navigate among them.
YN and Snape enter to his office, it is dark and gloomy, she looks around with a certain interest yet fear in what she is seeing, empty and half fill unknown potions, old books that seem important and a few green candles that provide the small light inside of this room.
“Let’s start this, Ms.YLN, what is going on inside of your mind? What are those thoughts that made you decide to come here in search of my guidance?” Asks Snape not bothering to look at her, he simply grabs a small black notebook on his side and a beautiful large white and brown feather, clearly a feather that belongs to an owl.
YN stays in silence and takes a deep breath; how should she start?
“You must know by now that I am a muggle born…”
“Yes, I am aware.”
“And well, I have a very close relationship to my muggle side and lately, I’ve been thinking for a long time that… The wizards in this world should be more accepting to the muggles.” Even as she speaks her eyes dart around, as if she is trying to find the best way to explain herself, Snape has a sort of intrigued gaze on her, as if he is understanding what she is saying.
“It is absurd, I know, as you mention before, they are famous muggle born who made their footprint on here but… They don’t take their pride on their muggle side! It bothers me a lot because muggles made a lot of amazing things, technologies that we wish we could put in practise in this world and I know what you will say ‘Oh, the wizards have better advances than muggles’ but no, it isn’t!” Again, her voice starts to get more passionate, more frustrated, she wants to fully express her feelings, her desperation for needing someone who understands her makes her angrier, why, why isn’t there anyone who understands her?
“It isn’t absurd.” Cuts Snape instantly, his gaze neutral, lock with hers. “It is fascinating how you see the muggle world, taking pride in that ´Muggle side´ you mention so… Bluntly” Follows up Snape keeping his voice sightly low and deep.
YN looks at him clearly amazed, did he understand her? But it didn’t make sense, how the potions master, that same professor who doesn’t much care about his student’s opinions or even thoughts, is showing some sightly understanding in hers.
“Ms. YLN, I am a half-blood, even though your views of the muggle world are… Positive, for my own view, I see them as despicable people. They are the last thing that I find any sort of interest, those are the same kind that hated me for being a wizard, most of them do, did you know? Muggles don’t understand us, don’t care about us, they found us as disgusting humans who have magical powers, powers that will never have.” His voice takes a deeper and more disgusted tone, fighting the thin line of getting himself frustrated, she notices this and gets worried, so she interrupts.
“Don’t you think I know that?” She says in a opposite tone of voice, much calmer and at ease that his. “I am the daughter of two muggles, don’t you know how much they suffer when we had to leave our home… For dark force that they didn’t understand? How they had to listen to people they didn’t know telling them their lives are in danger? It was horrible professor, truly… Truly horrible.” YN eyes immediately look down, the flashes of those memories of her mother holding her close, watching has they leave London to the United States to not die in the hands of Voldemort.
The professor hard gaze softens ghostly as he listens to her, thinking how she had to survive through that thanks to the powerful wizard he worked with. Having those memories on the back of his mind made him to place his hand on his forehead and close his eyes tightly, he can’t, he thinks of his closed ones dying in the hands of Voldemort and how most of them were cause by him. YN notices his hard expression, how he is suffering for something she isn’t understanding but she does get one thing, that keeping this conversation wouldn’t do any better for the two of them so, standing up from the chair, she takes a decision.
“Professor, I… If you don’t wish to be my counsellor, I respect that. The topics I bring to the table can be hard for the two of us. As I mentioned before, I still believe in you, not anymore as a person who could understand me but as a professor and… As a person.” When her words reach to his ears, Snape’s eyes open slowly, thinking of her words. Moving his hand away from his face and standing up from his chair, he looks down at the Hufflepuff.
“Ms. YLN, I do want to be your counsellor. I feel that both of us need to drink up our pain and talk about it. But the talks that we will both have will be only focus on you, not on me, understood? So, stop thinking about me being understandable towards you. I hear you and I will help you but do not expect me to sympathize with you.” Says Snape gaining back his serious and authoritarian voice but she, somehow, feels that his voice has gain a soft spot in it, as if he is willing to help her even if he says otherwise.
YN takes a small deep breath, surprised for his words yet extremely happy and pleased, she even can feel herself ready to cry but she won’t do it, she wants to make herself look strong before him. She, instinctively, nods.
“I-I’d thank you, Professor Snape.”
“No need to thank me, Ms. YLN, know that you can only come here pass the class hours and we only have an hour. I have assignments to do and you subject’s to study.” Says Snape rolling his eyes, guiding her to the door of his office and then opening the door for her.
“Understood, professor.” Says YN with a small smile on her lips and again nodding.
“And stop nodding, you will break your neck.”
“Sorry.” She nods again.
The professor closes the door and leaves the girl alone, she can feel her heart beating fast, but a smile forms on her lips, aside that she will be seeing her old crush in private, she is happier that she will have someone wiser and is willing to help her out. Someone inside of this world that might help her understand what she is going thought.