The begging
The begging
Not much time had pass since her last meeting with Professor Snape, even until this day, Y/N is still happy about this new arrangement with the professor, so happy in fact that she didn’t realise that she wasn’t paying attention to Charms class.
“Ms. YLN, are you paying attention?” Asks the small and brown haired, Professor Flitwick. Of course, calling her out in the middle of the class causes that all the students in it start to chuckle and jiggle in a far whispering sound, which provokes to Y/N a knot on her throat of pure embarrassment.
“Yes, Professor, I apologize.” Says quickly Y/N to make him go away and cease the laughs of her classmates.
The class goes on not furthermore and while Flitwick explains the Lumos Solem Spell, Y/N is once again wandering inside of her mind, thinking if she will go today to visit Professor Snape and as she thinks about it, she can’t help herself but to sheepishly smile at the idea.
Finally, the class comes to an end and as everyone else is standing up and leaving, Y/N is taking her time to store her materials, being the perfect moment for the half-goblin professor to walk towards the young Hufflepuff.
“Ms. YLN-”
“Yes?” Her head turns to a side and looks at the professor, having to lower her head sightly. He clears his throat.
“I will have to ask you to pay more attention to the class. I had notice that you seem a little… Distracted in these past lessons.” Says the professor calmly and slowly, not sounding cruel or nothing like that. Y/N grimaces, feeling both embarrassed, again, and upset with herself, knowing too well where her distraction comes from.
“I apologize again, professor. Lately I had been… Inside of my mind for too long, not being able to focus completely on the outside.” Says Y/N honestly, feeling strangely heavy those words as they leave her mouth.
“Whatever it is, Ms. YLN, I will ask you to try your best in this subject and the others. You and your classmates must do the double effort since all of you lost a year in Hogwarts.” Reminds Flitwick with a movement of his hand, lifting his index finger, as an old person would do when scolding a child.
Somehow, those words feel too harsh for her, even if they weren’t meant to sound like that. She looks to a side, uncomfortable, and just smiles gently to the professor trying to look casual and normal for the sake of this ¨small talk¨.
“Yes, professor. I will do my best, I promise.” Says Y/N with a sweet tone, trying to hide her need to just walk away, to not talk anymore. The professor simply nods to her and heads towards his desk while Y/N rushes out of the classroom. Under her breath, she curses the professor, why did she feel like that? It seems as if she was weak for not paying attention or just for being one year older than everyone else. Did everyone see her like that? Like a weak witch girl who lost a whole year? It isn’t her fault, it was his, Voldemort, he and his cursed lackeys made her and her classmates to lose a whole year, they are the ones to blame, not her but before she could realise, her clenched teeth slowly open when she realises that she is front of the door of professors Snape office. She realises now that, Snape was one of those cursed lackeys, in a way, after all, it was later known that he was a double agent but of course, double agent or not, he killed people, he was behind everything, does she have the courage to look at him? She decided to have faith in the professor, but the doubts start to fill her mind.
“Ms. YLN…” A monotone voice makes her wince a little and look up, the dark iris of the professor lock on hers.
“A-Ah, professor- ”
“Good to know that you are in time, come in.” Snape enters back to his office, expecting her to follow him, Y/N doubts for a moment, looking to a side. Does she want to have a session with him? She doesn’t know.
“Ms. YLN” Before she could react, she rushes inside and closes the door behind. Like last time, Snape takes a seat behind his desk and Y/N takes a seat in front of him.
“Do you remember what we said last time, Ms. YLN?” Asks Snape not paying too much attention on the Hufflepuff, it seems that the papers in his hands are more valuable that anything she has to say.
“That… Uhm, the sessions are going to be focus on me only…” She says trying to remind what they talk last time; she was so happy for being able to talk to him that she even forgot most of their interaction. But now, fully aware of her surroundings and being calm, reality just hits her now and she doubts if this was a good idea, if talking to Snape was a good idea.
“Good. Let us begin with a simple question, how are you feeling today, Ms. YLN?” Asks Snape with a deep and slow voice, his hand reaching an owl feather, ready to write down anything she says. Surprisingly, the question makes her furrow her eyebrows and even place her hand over her lips, overthinking his question.
“Today, huh… I would say-“ She then remembers what happened in the charms class, how the professor Flitwick made her feel. Her gaze turns into an angrier, frustrated one.
“Not so fine, if I have to be honest.” She answers. Somehow, she managed to surprise the dark-haired professor, even making him raise an eyebrow.
“Hm, and what did cause that ¨Not fine¨ state of yours, Ms. YLN?” Asks Snape back with his monotone and deep voice, his eyes glued to the paper under his hands.
Y/N stays in silence, thinking how to express her feelings correctly for the professor to understand her.
“I was distracted in his class… I was happy that I finally had someone to talk to, you, professor.” Her expression remains normal, she is conscious of what she did just said but it is the truth, she won’t lie or hide anything from him, except of course, her feelings towards him. Snape, with her words, looks sightly surprised. Happy to see him? That is something new yet something he hasn’t heard for a quite long time.
“But then, Professor Flitwick noticed this behaviour of mine and of course, he came to talk to me.” Express Y/N with a more irritated tone of voice, almost growling.
“And said that I shouldn’t be distracted and mostly because of my situation.” She finishes saying, looking to a side, her anger never ceasing.
“Because you lost a year, I assume.” Guess Snape perfectly right, it even took Y/N surprised when she heard his words.
“Y-Yeah, how did you- “
“Easy, Ms. YLN, you and your year classmates are a… Particular case, it would be foolish from us to not do our best, as professors, to provide you our fullest attention. Think that you, Ms. YLN, should be working or even studying outside of Hogwarts but you are here, doing the seventh year.” That last part might have that subtle mocking tone of his, but it is hard to notice it, even for Y/N.
“So… Do all the professors think that we are weak?” Asks Y/N suddenly, feeling worst now. The simple idea of people seeing her like a weak person has suddenly worsen her own consciousness about herself.
“I never said or use the word ¨weak¨, Ms. YLN.” Says sharply Professor Snape, sounding even annoyingly offended by her statement but, suddenly, the ghost of a small smile forms on his pale lips, as if he just found a pot of gold.
“But now that it is interesting, Ms. YLN. Do you see yourself as ¨weak¨?” Asks Snape, his small smile never leaving, truly. Saying the word ¨weak¨ is a sort of trigger for him in mix of good and bad way, it reminds him of horrible old times, but it is also a sort of fuel for him, to never be seen again as ¨weak¨ ever.
Y/N´s eyes open wide in surprised to quickly look to a side, Snape got her right where he wanted but she just sighs softly, already feeling exhausted.
“I… I do, I do see myself as weak.” She admits quietly. “And I think that everyone sees the same in me, the weak witch obsessed with muggles who doesn’t know what to do with her life…” She says now out loud, admitting to the winds how she sees herself to then place her hands on her face.
“Now I feel pathetic by saying that out loud…” She murmurs against her hands. Snapes smile softens sightly, somehow, his heart felt a feathery touch by her words. He saw himself in her, he can’t help but to let out a small scoff. Y/Ns face immediately lifts to look at him in shock, did he just scoff? At her words? No one will ever believe her.
“You are neither pathetic nor weak, Ms. YLN.” Says Snape keeping his deep and monotone tone of voice but there is some softness in it. “You are sadly in a position in which, I have to admit, it is hard to get out.” Keeps speaking the professor as he starts to write down, she thinks he is writing down either her thoughts or a sort of visual map of her line of thought.
“A lot of wizards think that way about themselves. In your case, the fact that you lost a year, have doubts about your future and you are simply not a notable student in most of the subjects, it can affect you on a greater level these insecurities that make you think as if you are weak.” Explains Snape disinterested, still writing down something she doesn’t know what it is. His words affected her and even barely worsen her thoughts about herself, but he analyses her as if he knew her for a whole life, something that makes her sightly flustered and genuinely happy.
“You have a point in there, Professor.”
“Obviously.” Cuts immediately the potions master, his head moving up to now look at her. “I do understand what you are feeling right now, don’t you think that someone as myself experienced the same issues as yourself, Ms. YLN?” She flinches surprised.
“Wow, wait, really? You also lost a year, fail subjects and- “She cuts herself as she sees they narrowed annoy eyes of the professor, remembering the rule of not talking about him, only about her. Snape clears his throat.
“So yes, I do fully understand how you feel but yet…” Snapes expression becomes more pensive, looking to a side for a moment to then look back to her. “Know, Ms. YLN, that you aren’t alone in this matter, that you will find your purpose, find the correct path for you to arrive to greatness. Even if I believe your obsession- I mean, your deeply interest over muggles, is quite ridicule, I do believe that you will achieve your desire to share the muggle world with ours. Even maybe, you could be a new symbol, someone who could change the wizarding world as we know it.”
His sincere and honest words shock her. Her heart beats incredibly fast, does he really think all of that about her? She grimaces, trying to supress her need to cry. Snape huffs.
“You can cry, Ms. YLN, but do not expect a hug.” Y/N chuckles quicky cleaning her eyes softly, avoiding any sort of tear falling.
“I-I thank you, professor. No one ever said something so kindly and… Nice as you did.” Admits Y/N, genuinely happy, can’t stop her smiling.
“I am just saying the truth, Ms. YLN. I do not like liars, I despite them, so I shall live for my own values.” Says casually once again now standing up. “Come on now, the session is over.”
“W-Wait, but the hour didn’t finish yet.”
“No, but my ¨softness¨ and ¨kindness¨ is, also, I want you to be now extra studious now on days. If you want to be a great witch, you should put your focus on your studies.” Says Snape guiding her out of his office, opening the door for her to then scoff a small laugh. “You would also avoid the professors scolding you.”
Those words make her blush and be slightly embarrassed, of course he would say something like that but still, he is right, she should pay more attention to her studies. She keeps smiling as she steps out of the office to then turn around and look up at him.
“Thank you, professor. I will sound silly, but your words really help and cheer me up. It feels great to have someone as yourself to guide me over my thoughts and be someone who I can trust.” Admits Y/N, again blushing shyly. Truly, all that she just said means it deeply, she really likes him more now, and her crush over him? It gets slowly higher and higher, feeling how her heart swells with pure joy and contentment when she is talking to him.
“You are welcome once again, Ms. YLN. I do admit too that I want to see you soon.” Says Snape calmly, his expression emotionless but somehow his words sounded sweet, as if he is trying his best to sound as caring as possible.
She once again looks surprised at his words, ¨Seeing her soon¨? That’s something that she wouldn’t have expected for her professor to say and once again, she leaves with a wide smile.
Her hand goes down to her satchel, grabbing her precious iPod and without thinking twice, she starts to search for a specific song, ¨Wings of a Butterfly¨ by HIM. HIM is one of her favorite bands, the sound is so melodic yet beautiful and it has that sad bitterness that not many bands have which brings her a new sentiment of love and connection towards the professor.
As she walks, she stops on her tracks, thinking of doing something different. This time, she will take her time and not go straight to the Hufflepuff common room, but she will go outside of the castle of Hogwarts and explore a little. She will not say that she knows the surroundings of Hogwarts as the palm of her right hand, but she can handle herself around, it is hard for her to get lost. She walks outside, walking the many old stone hallways until she arrives to the beautiful view of the Scottish landscape. Near her is Hagrid’s hut in which she notices there isn’t any light in it, she feels curious, but she assumes that, since it isn’t nightfall yet, Hagrid decided not to light any candles.
She shrugs lightly, not caring that much and makes her way further down, reaching almost the Great Lake. Now, she narrows her eyes, as many professors teach her, she shouldn’t take so lightly the dangers of those waters, any creature can be a potential danger towards her, but she won’t get near of those waters, no way, instead, she reaches up to a very old tree. She sits under it and looks up, as far as she knows, that tree has been dead for a whole century now, no flowers, no leaves, nothing, just standing there, it even survived Voldemort’s attack even in those years. She takes a deep breath and looks back to her satchel in which she takes out a notes book, in it, there are many messy papers in which she wrote down different things such as charms, potion notes, spells against the dark arts, anything.
Grumbling annoyed, she decides to organize those papers, she doesn’t like being messy with her work, if she wants to accomplish her objectives, she must start by ordering her work carefully. Inside of that notebook, she separates the papers for each subject.
“Spells… Charms… Potions…” She murmurs lowly, mostly to herself.
Her hands move around, her eyes focus on those papers but her skin shivers, something isn’t right. Her eyes are glued to the papers but her hand, her hand is slowly reaching her wand. Her pupils are getting smaller, knowing that, whatever she is feeling, it is getting closer and closer. With a swift motion of her body, she stands up and turns around, her notebook falls to the ground. She points her wand to a dark unknown silhouette standing in front of her.