Chapter 1
Sirius wasn’t sure how much time passed while he laid on that classroom floor, half dressed, curled in on himself, and sobbing. It felt like eternities and he couldn’t stop replaying it over and over.
A hand on the back of his neck and a wand against his side. “Don’t try anything Black, I wouldn’t want to have to hurt you now, would I?” Being dragged into a classroom and hearing a click behind them, the door locking. Back shoved against a desk while his clothes were torn off. Trying to run or fight the man off and just being pushed to the ground.
He pressed his hands against his head. Stop thinking about it, just stop. He managed to sit up, still trembling, and after another moment stood shakily. Just focus on what you’re doing, just focus on that. Gathering his scattered clothes he dressed quickly not wanting to be exposed for any longer. Hesitantly he pushed the door open, peeking into the hallway. It was empty and he quickly slipped out and flat out ran to the Gryffindor tower. The moment he made it into the boys dormitory the other three Marauders were on their feet, seeing something was clearly wrong.
“Pads what happened?” James was looking at him in horror and Sirius couldn’t blame him, he knew he looked like hell. Remus’s book had fallen to the floor and he hurried over.
“Siri, baby, are you okay? What happened?” He was too close, he didn’t want, he-
He screamed and a hand clamped over his mouth. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you. If you just relax it’ll be so much better for you.” The words were practically purred into his ear and feeling the other man’s breath on his neck almost made him sick. He tried to thrash away but couldn’t move with the man on top of him the way he was. “Aww, poor baby. Don’t worry, I’ll take such great care of you.”
“Don’t touch me!” He scrambled back and put his back against the nearest wall. Remus froze and the three boys glanced at each other. There was silence for a moment before Remus spoke, voice as soothing as possible.
“Okay, okay I won’t touch you, I promise.” He vaguely noticed that Remus had motioned for James and Peter to stay where they were and took a couple steps closer, still giving him some space. Sirius just let out a pathetic little whimper in response and sunk to the ground, pulling his knees up to his chest. It was Remus for fucks sake, he knew Remus, he trusted him. Why couldn’t he just believe him? Frowning Remus sat, joining him on the ground.
“Hey Siri.” He blinked at him through tears. “It’s just us upstairs, you’re safe, do you understand that? No one here’s going to hurt you, we’re all your friends.” That made Sirius cry harder. He did understand that, he knew that with every part of him. Remus didn’t deserve to be treated like he didn’t trust him, none of them did. Yet he still couldn’t help the fact that he couldn’t stop shaking.
‘Hey, hey it’s okay. Can you take a deep breath for me?” Sirius managed a shaky breath. “There you go, good job. Can you take a couple more?” After a few moments his breathing evened out slightly and he scrubbed his tears away. “There you go. Okay, do you think you’d feel better if James and Peter went downstairs for a little bit so you can calm down?” He did, he really did think it’d make him feel safer but he couldn’t do that to them. He couldn’t ask them to go after how long they’d known each other and how much they all trusted one another. So slowly he shook his head. James spoke up, voice gentle.
“Mate, if you want less people in the room that’s okay. Me and Wormy don’t mind, we just want you to feel safe. Do you want us to go downstairs?” He hesitated before nodding slightly.
“Alright Siri, I’m going to walk them to the door if that’s okay.” He nodded again and Remus stood, joining the other boys at the door. He muttered something that Sirius couldn’t hear and James and Peter nodded before hurrying down the staircase. Then Remus walked slowly back over and settled on the floor by Sirius.
“Do you think you’d like to clean off or change?” He nodded, he felt so incredibly dirty and he just wanted to stand in the shower and let the water wash it away. “Alright, do you want me to stay out here while you change alone?” Remus noted his hesitation to answer. “It’s okay if you want to be alone, I don’t mind. I just want you to feel like you’re going to be safe changing.” Slowly he nodded once more.
“Okay, do you want a shower too? I can get you some comfortable clothes and you can shower and change? How does that sound?” There was a moment of silence.
“Jumper?” Remus smiled at him.
“You want one of my jumpers?” Sirius nodded. “You can definitely have one of my jumpers. How about you get in the bathroom and I can get you some clothes before you get in the shower? That sound okay?” Sirius nodded and Remus stood, heading over to his trunk, digging through for clothes. Shakily he stood and headed to the bathroom, very purposely not looking in the mirror. Remus came over just a few moments later with a small pile of clothes including Sirius’s favorite jumper of his.
“Here, I’ll put them on the counter for when you’re done. I’ll be right outside if you need anything, okay?”
“Thank you.” Remus just gave him another smile.
“Of course.” He stepped out of the bathroom, allowing Sirius to shut and lock the door behind him. He turned the water on, allowing it to warm up while he slipped out of his, now likely ruined, clothes. Stepping under the water he hissed slightly at how hot it was but didn’t change it. The heat would probably burn that filth off him better than anything else.
Tears slipped down his cheeks as he stood under the water. He was so fucking stupid. Who goes wandering around the halls of Hogwarts after curfew alone? He should have taken Remus up on his offer to walk with him instead of turning him down simply because he had ignored him so he could actually focus on a lesson for once. He was honestly asking for trouble. So really if he thought about it the whole ordeal was his fault.
He realized that the water had stopped feeling quite so scalding and he turned up the heat slightly before grabbing soap and scrubbing every bit of himself. By time he was done his skin was red but he felt marginally cleaner. He got out of the shower and glanced at his reflection. There were bruises along his hips and thighs where he’d been grabbed and manhandled into place and he felt sick. Quickly drying off and dressing he tossed the towel in a corner before unlocking the door and peeking out. Remus was sitting on his bed looking listless, cross legged and with a discarded book at his side. When the door opened he perked up, studying Sirius, as if looking for signs of distress, well, even more distress.
“Hey Siri, you feel any better?” He shrugged slightly. “Do you want to try and sleep?” He shrugged again and Remus pursed his lips. “How about you lay down and see if you can get some rest? It’s getting late and you look tired.” He shrugged once more and Remus frowned. “Do you want to tell me something?” Sirius sniffled.
“I wanna hug but I don’t wanna be touched.” He sounded like a whining child, it was pathetic honestly. Remus just sighed.
“I’m so sorry Siri. Do you want to try a hug and if you don’t feel okay with it then I’ll get away from you?” He hesitated for a moment before nodding and walking over hesitantly. Remus stood and wrapped him in a gentle hug. Nuzzling into his chest Sirius ignored the voice screaming at him to get the fuck away and closed his eyes. Remus hugs were the best and he wasn’t just saying that because he believed everything Remus did was the best.
“This okay?” Sirius nodded and they stayed there for a few minutes. “You should try and get some sleep.” He whined slightly.
“Don’t wanna sleep, brain thinks too much about things when I try to sleep and I- I really don’t want to think about it.” There was a pause.
“What if I read to you until you fall asleep? Would that help?” Sirius considered.
“And cuddle?” Remus nodded.
“And cuddle if you want. How about you get into bed and I’ll find a book? Maybe I can read you all the lectures you don’t pay attention to.” Despite the situation and the unignorable sense of disgust and pain he had to laugh. Remus let go of him and headed over to a bed stand he’d dedicated to holding all the stacks of his book collection. “Go ahead and climb in bed, I'm just grabbing a book.” Sirius sat but waited until Remus laid down to settle on his chest.
“What’s the book about?”
“Transfiguration.” Despite his entirely deadpan voice he had a small grin on his face.
“You’re not funny.”
“I’m hilarious. And I can’t spoil the book, just let me read it and you’ll find out.” Sirius sighed and relaxed as Remus opened the book and started reading, notably not about transfiguration. Despite his mind’s protests about falling asleep with Remus right there he was out in just minutes, exhaustion and the emotional drain catching up to him.