Where Do We Go Now?

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
F/F
F/M
M/M
G
Where Do We Go Now?
Summary
James Potter felt the moment his soul left the Earth. The moment he left his newborn son and his fake wife. His best friends. He saw the flash of green light.He didn’t know what happened after that, but he woke up in a new world, Passover. It’s everything he could have imagined. He has everything he’s ever wanted. A house with a wrapped around porch and a kitchen big enough for dancing. And Regulus.. oh.. and Passover has Regulus.His watch, a gadget allowing him to see every person he’s ever loved. He’s able to see Sirius go insane in Azkaban. Remus suffering through every full moon by himself. Harry being left in the dark about his own fate. Peter hiding as a rat with the Weasleys.He’s able to see it all.OR( HOPEFULLY!! A long fic of going more in-depth of what happened to the Marauders era after Halloween. POV’s will switch a lot because I like it that way (lol) but it will have some heavy things because these characters are COPING so please read notes!!)
Note
- Mentions of death!!- Mentions of drinking!!
All Chapters Forward

Cookies and Sunsets

Sirius so badly wants to go home. He’s lost track of time, really, but it has to be about a month. In reality, it’s been almost 3, he’s just lost track of time. It’s hard to keep track of time in Azkaban. There’s no clocks, the weather surrounding the buildings is always the same. Cloudy and gray. But one thing that’s visible? The moon.

 

Tonight’s another full moon.

 

It makes Sirius sick.

 

“What? Is lover boy out there?” Barty asks, an odd softness in his eyes. He knew about Remus’ condition, don’t ask Sirius how he knew, but he did.

 

“Shut up, Crouch.”

 

“No reason to snap at me, mate, just trying to help.” Sirius walks over to the corner of the cell, checks for aurors, then closes his eyes and changes into a shaggy black dog. He pads over to the open side of the cell.

 

His cell is small, no larger than his bedroom at home. One side is all brick with a door, the adjacent sides were plain brick walls with little barred up windows. Ones where sometimes Bellatrix and Sirius would fall asleep holding hands, like they used to do. And one side is open, barred up, but open. Sirius can see the almost hundred foot drop to the bottom. Technically, as a dog, he could climb out. But technically, he would die, so he doesn’t risk it. Instead, he curls up as close to the bars he can get, looking up at the moon.

 

I’m so sorry, moony

 

I love you, please don’t be mad at me

 

I can make this right, I swear

 

Remus please

 

Remus

 

Rem-

 

“Sirius? You okay in there?” Rabastan calls out from the cell on his right. Rabastan has been.. oddly comforting for Sirius. He’s a lot like Regulus. He’s stubborn and annoying, yet he can be soft when he wants to be. “You were.. whimpering. Weirdo.”

 

Well, none of them know that he can morph into a dog at will. The only one that knows is Barty, since they can see each other from the side of the hall. Sirius always lifts a finger to his mouth before he transforms, telling Barty to keep quiet.

 

Barty always does.

 

Sirius can see why Regulus likes him so much, in all honesty. He’s stable, constant. He’s always been the same person. He argues and he fights but behind all that, is a boy yearning for his father’s love.

 

Sirius and Barty aren’t that different from each other, Sirius thinks. They both did stupid things for their parents love, only to end up locked away, thousands of miles from the other side of the world.

 

The first time Sirius sneaks out of his cell is that night. He doesn’t go far, he just slips through the bars and over to Barty’s. He doesn’t say, or bark, anything, he just nuzzles his nose into Barty’s hand.

 

“You’re using me as a replacement for Regulus?” Barty says, a joking tone in his voice. Sirius lets out a tiny little noise, laying his head on Barty’s chest.

 

“It’s okay, me too.”

 

So, Sirius changes every night and pads over to Barty’s cell. They don’t talk, ever, they just.. absorb each other. Sirius can see the toll that Azkaban has taken on him. Barty looks horrible. His hair is a mess, greasy and untamed. His eyes have dark bags under them. These a large layer of grime and dirt on his skin.

 

Yet, Sirius has the same thing.

 

That’s probably why they find comfort in each other, Sirius thinks, they are so alike it hurts.

 

Eventually, overtime, they start to talk. Sirius would change back into his normal form and talk about Remus for hours. And Barty? Barty never stops talking about Evan, and part of Sirius doesn’t think he can. It’s endearing, really, to hear how Barty talks about Evan. It’s like how he talks about Remus. Two sides of the same coin.

 

“That was until James and Reg-“ Barty slipped, 6 months into their imprisonment.

 

“James? What about James?”

 

“Oh, yknow, when James and Regulus were.. err..”

 

“What?”

 

“You didn’t know?” Barty looks horrorstruck, silently begging any higher power out there to not let Sirius murder him on the spot.

 

“Regulus and James.. hooked up?” Sirius gasps, his eyebrows shooting up.

 

“Err.. yeah.”

 

“Oh my god. I’m going to throw up. That’s like basically incest.” Sirius gets up, pacing around Barty’s cell. He does that a lot, pacing, it helps calm the endless amounts of restless energy he has.

 

“It was good, really good, actually, until.. Reg got..”

 

“The mark?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What, did Regulus end it? Trying to be all noble?” Sirius jokes, then his smile falters as he sees the look on Barty’s face.

 

“James did, actually.. err.. slammed the door in Regulus’ face.”

 

“What? James wouldn’t.. he.. oh. Was that.. 7th year?”

 

“Y-yeah.”

 

“That’s when James got all.. mopey.”

 

“Yeah.. Regulus wasn’t going too hot either.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Sirius says, “Regulus and James. I want to hear it all.”

 

“He’ll kill me, yknow that?”

 

“Whatever.”

 

——

 

It has been six full months since James died. Six months today. He had stayed up late last night, listening to Sirius rant to Barty, Barty’s slip up, then he saw Sirius’s face when Barty told the truth.

 

James felt… well.. sick. He hated keeping things from Sirius. He never liked it. But Regulus? Regulus was his own little secret. He could ball Regulus up and hold him close to his heart. It was something that was just his. His Regulus.

 

“James, honey, are you ready?” Effie asks, peeking into his room. James finally decided it was time to move into his own Paradise. It’s literally across the transparent floor, but still.

 

“Y-yeah.. I think so,” he mumbles, packing up his little amount of things. He takes his bag and walks out the door with his parents.

 

He stops dead in his tracks to see a house next to his, almost exactly identical.

 

”When we’re older, I want a little house. Not like what my parents had. I want to be a home. A real home. A wrap around porch. Big kitchen. A place for a cat. Kids, maybe? I don’t know.. I just… want to be with you.”

 

James blinks, looking from one house to another.

 

“That’s… err.. Regulus’,” Fleamont says, opening James’ front door.

 

“It’s.. like mine,” James mumbles.

 

“Yeah.. it is. His has a library though, yours doesn’t.”

 

Fleamont and Effie help James unpack, but James’ eyes keep going towards the window.

 

It’s a large window, identical to the one in Regulus’ house. They can see each other through it. Everything. Regulus hasn’t seem to have noticed James moved in next door. He’s curled up with a book, tea on his coffee table. Two sugars. A splash of cream.

 

James hasn’t seen Regulus since the Sunday after he died. Every time Regulus would come over for lunch, Lily now joining them, James would stay locked in his room. Sometimes, he would just watch his gadget, watching Sirius talk to Barty or Bellatrix. Watching Remus drink himself to sleep every night.

 

Other times, James leaves. He leaves and walks around Passover. He watches the dead kids play with other dead kids. He watches the dead parents watch their dead kids. He watches the dead couples holding each other’s hands, together forever.  It’s helped him a lot, actually, to see the life radiating from dead people. They still love. They still smile. They still laugh. Despite being dead.

 

James.. well.. he feels more alive than ever, looking at Regulus. He doesn’t notice James. Regulus is reading his book, his gaze directed down at the ink. On his TV, he has his gadget set to Sirius. Sirius is rambling on about something to Bellatrix, who doesn’t even care. It feels so domestic to James. So real.

 

It makes him want to throw up.

 

He’s supposed to hate Regulus. He does hate Regulus. He betrayed him. Did the one thing James can’t forgive.. but something about him sitting there, so calm, so alive without being alive.

 

James digs his nails into his palms and walks up to his study.

 

It’s small, a lot like the one at his old house. There’s a desk near the window, already organized pens and paper. There’s a small bookshelf, filled with books, and a little plant. A stereo sits on the corner of his desk.

 

James, well, he likes to write. Not in the way Regulus writes. Regulus likes poetry, summarizing his feelings into short melodies.

 

James, well, he writes to cope. He pours his emotions into fictional characters he makes up in his head. He makes them deal with them, his characters lashing out and screaming, and it’s like his emotions are gone. All of his feelings, swirling around in his head, get poured into someone else.

 

It helped him, a lot, especially after he sort of broke up with Regulus.

 

He poured his feelings out over a piece of paper, watching as the ink turned to charterers. To lives he created.

 

It’s satisfying, really.

 

So that’s what he does. He writes and writes and writes until his hand cramps so bad he has to take a break.

 

At some point, Effie and Fleamont had said goodbye, but James was too wrapped into his story.

 

I didn’t mean to you hurt, Rex, really. It was an accident.

 

You don’t deserve me anymore, Jack.

 

N-no.. please I’m sorry..

 

Leave me alone, Jack

 

No, I’m sorry.. please, reg-

 

James didn’t notice until the tears were spilling all over his paper.

 

“Fuck, no, no.. I didn’t mean to… fuck.” He erases Reg and changes it to Rex. What it’s supposed to be.

 

He’s not writing to escape his feelings from Regulus.

 

Ha.

 

Haha.

 

No, James isn’t like that.

 

He’s not.. he still doesn’t love Regulus.

 

Right?

 

Right…?

 

Fuck, emotions are so confusing. James goes back to his writing, making sure not to slip up on the names again.

 

After a while, he ends up finishing the story. It’s late, around midnight. Sirius, who James had been watching through his gadget, went to bed, curled up against Barty.

 

I’m sorry for shutting you out, Rex. You didn’t deserve that.

 

I love you too, Jack.

 

Then they kissed, kissed until the sunrise, kissed until the sunset, kissed until they were in another universe.

 

Sun and star.

 

One galaxy after another.

 

Together.

 

Forever?

 

 

——

 

Lily, surprisingly, loves living on her own. She loves her Paradise. It’s a quaint home, with only one bathroom and two bedrooms. Her kitchen is huge, almost too big, but it’s what she wanted.

 

You see, Lily loves to bake. Mary does too. Lily thinks that’s why she likes it so much. It’s comforting. She turns her gadget to Mary MacDonald as she bakes dozens after dozens of cookies, cakes, cupcakes, fuck, she even makes macaroons.

 

She listens as Mary drones on to her new friend about her flower shop.

 

After Lily died, Mary left London. She called Remus then left. She’s far away now, in the states, believe it or not. She’s in North Carolina. It’s hot down there and Lily doesn’t understand how she likes it.

 

Mary started living with the Muggles. She bought an apartment and a space to rent for a flower shop. She made new friends. A new life. She did it all.

 

Without Lily.

 

Lily baked the pain away into her cookies and cupcakes. She sets them perfectly on a tray then walks across the street to James’ Paradise. She takes a deep breath, her shoulders dropping, before knocking on the door.

 

James, well, he doesn’t look horrible, but he doesn’t look great either. He has clearly taken shower because of his wet hair. He’s in a clean pair of sweats and a white t-shirt, one that hangs off his arms. Behind the lenses off his glasses are the warm eyes that Lily has always known, but also unwelcome dark eye bags.

 

“I made cookies.”

 

The corner of James’ lips turn up. He opens the door and welcomes her into his home. It’s small, but homey. It’s so.. James, Lily thinks. He had put up pictures, memories, really.

 

Gadgets have a cool feature where you can pin point a memory from your life and take a picture. James had printed them out and hung them on the wall.

 

Most of them were pictures of him, Remus, Sirius, and much to Lily’s dislike, Peter. But there were some others. A lot of himself and his parents. Some from when he was young to the day he lost them. There were baby pictures of Harry. Pictures of himself and the quidditch team. A picture of Sirius and James laughing after McGongall caught them after a prank. Pictures from their wedding day. A picture of herself, James, and Harry the day he was born.

 

And, on the coffee table, next to a large cup of black coffee, is a photograph. Of James and Regulus. Regulus is tucked under James’ chin, his eyes closed and his mouth slack. James is gazing down at Regulus, his eyes full of stars.

 

James is across the room, on his tiptoes, hanging a photo of Harry on his toy broom.

 

“Have you checked on Harry at all?” Lily mumbles.

 

“Not really. Have you?” James mumbles back, his voice hoarse from loss of sleep.

 

“Me neither. Does that make us bad parents?”

 

“Maybe. But it does make us good friends.”

 

So, almost like they didn’t die on the same day, they sit down in James’ living room. His gadget set to Sirius Black. Lily tells James how Mary had left behind London, moving to America. James holds her as her voice breaks. James tells Lily about Sirius and Remus.. and.. to Lily’s serious dislike, Peter. Lily audibly gasps as James tells her about Sirius’ friendship with Barty. How they curl up and sleep in the same cell every night, each using the other as a replacement for someone else. Lily almost starts crying when James tells her how hard Remus has been taking everything.

 

And when Lily hears about Peter, she feels nothing. Absolutely nothing.

 

He deserves a life stuck as a rat. He deserves to be thrown into the ocean, weighed down and drowned. He deserves to be hurt and harmed. He deserves to never feel safe again.

 

Peter got Lily killed.

 

And nothing will ever change that.

 

Once upon a time, Lily loved Peter. She loved his laugh and his smile. The way he wouldn’t mind if she slung her feet into his lap. His comforting presence. The laughs and giggles they shared as they stole from Remus’ chocolate stash.

 

Lily doesn’t understand why James even cares about him. She knows that they were childhood best friends, but still, he sold them to Voldemort. He indirectly killed them, and yet, here James is, checking in on Peter when Remus and Sirius are asleep.

 

Sometimes, Lily worries how James is still functioning.

 

Even the sun has to set at some point.

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