Grouping
Remus Lupin has never hated something so much. That something? His own life.
I mean, really, what does he have to live for?
James is dead. Lily is dead. Regulus is probably dead. Mary left. Dorcas is dead. Marlene is dead. Peter is dead. And Sirius…
The only reason Remus is alive right now is because Sirius technically is. It’s stupid. He hates Sirius to the point it makes Remus want to pull his own hair out. He’s a killer, a god damn killer, but Remus is so in love with him it hurts. All he wants is to hold Sirius in his arms, slap him until he realizes he was wrong, then kiss all the marks. It’s not fair. It’s not. All he fucking wants is to see Sirius again. At least one more time.
Some part of Remus knew this was going to happen. His friends would leave him. He would leave himself too. He’s a fucking werewolf. He’s dangerous. James, Peter, and Sirius were too good to him. Too fucking good.
James, oh, James. Remus doesn’t show it much, but he loves James. James was the first one to really talk to Remus, to get to know him. Even when he couldn’t understand Remus’s accent. It was James’s idea to have their friends become illegal animgi for Remus. It was James who was there for Remus after the prank. James let Remus cry into his shoulder, reassuring him that it’s not his fault.
“Sirius is a prick, Remus, trust me. You aren’t a monster.”
Those words still ring in Remus’s mind. They helped him then and they still help him now. James was the one that told Remus to try and make it up with Sirius. James was the one that helped them find a flat. James was the one that helped carry their bed up the stairs. James.. oh fuck Remus misses James. Remus feels like the sun will never shine as bright again. James had died right after sundown and it will never rise again.
Part of Remus feels like he won’t rise again. He lost a part of himself on Halloween. He lost three-fourths of himself that day. He lost his bestfriends, his lover, and his will to live.
Remus’ life fucking sucks.
The air is cold as he treks up the hill to the shrieking shack. Remus is terrified. It’s his first full moon alone in ten years, and he’s so scared of what he’ll do to himself. What if he breaks out the shack? What if he hurts himself past the point of recognition? What if..
He walks faster as he feels the transformation coming.
He’s downed so much alcohol it’s hard for him to move straight. Which he knows isn’t healthy, but whatever. The tree comes closer into view as he can feel his senses getting sharper. He enters the shack and immediately takes off his clothes, leaving him in just his boxers. He doesn’t want to ruin his jumper. It was Sirius’s. It still smells like him. It’s the only one that Remus could bear to keep, since it was technically his first, Sirius just made it his own. He places it over Sirius’s spot, muddy paw prints staining the floor.
Tears fall down Remus’s face as he transforms into a hideous beast.
——
James has never been one to hate.
But right now? He fucking hates Regulus Black. He’s ever hated anything more than Regulus right now. He wants to bash his skull in then kiss all the marks to make it better. James is a fucking wreck. He didn’t come out for Sunday lunch, he stayed locked in his room, taking a plate of food from his mother. James wants to go see Regulus, wrap him in his arms and never let go. But part of James can’t see Regulus. Can’t see the mark on his wrist. His mother told him about the scars all over his body. It made James want to throw up. His mother told him how it took Regulus six months to actually start coming to lunches, eight to start talking a lot, and a year to help her cook. Regulus has infiltrated every single part of James’s life. And it makes James want to cry.
So he did.
He cried so hard his glasses fogged up, he took them off and continued to cry. He literally cried himself to sleep and he dreamed of Regulus.
—
“James, are you sure about this, what if Sirius-“ Regulus had started to talk but James cut him off with a kiss, pulling back with a goofy grin.
“Trust me, Sirius won’t know.” James grabbed Regulus hand, warm and cold, slotting perfectly in each other.
They walked like that for a while, underneath James’s invisibility cloak, hand in hand. Regulus was pressed up against James’s side comfortably. James led them to the room of requirement, slipping his cloak off of just him. He always left Regulus invisible, just incase. He never wanted to hurt Regulus, ever.
Give me a place for me and Regulus to hang out, alone.
Give me a place for me and Regulus to hang out, alone.
Give me a place for me and Regulus to hang out, alone.
Just like that, a door appeared. James reaches out and opens it, guiding an invisible Regulus in.
The room is a lot like the Gryffindor common room. It’s a circular shape with large windows, showing the pouring rain outside. There are small red couches with piles of blankets, a large muggle tv, a roaring fire, and a platter of cookies and tea on the coffee table.
James walks to the platter, a smile already on his face. He gets a cup of tea for Regulus. Two sugars. A splash of cream. He hands it to Regulus and watches the way his cold eyes soften. He always melts underneath James’s touch, and you know damn well he’s going to use that.
“You remembered?”
“Of course, love.”
James sat down on the couch, reaching for a blanket. He starts to drape it over him when he looks over.
Regulus’s dead body.
James wakes up with a start, sweating and shaking.
Regulus is dead?
Oh.
Yeah.
Regulus is dead.
Well, so is James.
James scrubs his hands down his face, reaching over for a glass of water, which isn’t there.
So far, in death, James has had a horrible time. People that said death was peaceful were fucking liars. Some part of James, some innocent part of James, believed death would be peaceful. He would be happy. It would all be over. The fighting, the wars, the hate. He would be reincarnated into a better life, one without the hurt and pain. But no. James is still here, not alive, but still here, dreaming about Regulus Black.
The door to his room creaks open.
“James, honey?” Effie opens the door a crack, peaking her head in, “are you okay? I heard a scream.”
She eases her way into James’s room, holding a glass of water. And just like that, James is a little kid again, waiting for his mother’s comfort. He scoots over and curls into her side, burying his head into her shoulder.
“I hate him, mama,” he mumbles, so quiet it’s almost impossible to hear.
“No you don’t, honey. No you don’t. You don’t hate.”
“I hate him.”
“No, James, you don’t. You’re just upset.”
“He died and I didn’t know.”
“That’s not your fault.”
“I slammed the door in his face, ma, when he got the mark. He came to me and I just.. I couldn’t believe it. I.. I slammed the door in his face,” James mumbles, his voice broken. He looks down in guilt, “I just.. I got so mad, mama.”
“I know, honey, he told me,” Effie says, stroking James’s hair.
“What?”
“He told me.”
James’s heart felt like it fell out of his chest. Regulus told his mother what he had done that night? Regulus.. told.. Effie. Doesn’t he realize how wrong that is? Does Regulus see how much James hates himself for that?
“I hate him even more.”
“No you don’t.”
—— Short time skip ~ a week
Regulus watched as James got married. He watched as the lips he once kissed connected to Lily’s. He watched the exchanges of rings.
Regulus also saw James break down in the bathroom, put his pieces back together, then walk out like nothing happened.
That confused Regulus, really. He’d never seen James so any type of negative emotion. He’d always seen James so.. cheery. Happy. Excited. Supportive. Regulus has never even had the thought of James being upset or sad.
But as time went on, James’s breakdowns got worse. More often. More violent. Yet, no one, not even Sirius, knew. James would break down crying, sobbing, shaking, unable to breathe, then he would pick the pieces of himself up and move on.
Regulus wonders if he’s doing that now, even if death. It’s not healthy, surely James knows that. Regulus has seen the marks James has inflicted on himself. When he would get upset, James would dig his nails into his palms and excuse himself from the conversation. Regulus so badly wants to kiss the indents. Tell James he doesn’t need to hide around him.
Regulus eyes dart up to the TV as a loud scream is heard. He’s had his TV set on Sirius for a week straight. A week since James died.
Okay, maybe Regulus does like watching his brother.
It’s not like Sirius can do much, really. And, in all honestly, it’s entertaining to watch him and Bellatrix bicker through the cell wall.
“Oh shut up, Uncle Alphard definitely liked me more,” Sirius says, flicking a rock at the wall.
“Nuh uh, he always gave me chocolates at family dinners.”
“He would let me have a sip of his fire whiskey.”
“No!”
Sirius laughed, a high pitched cackle. It’s the first time he’s laughed since he’s been in there and it makes Regulus crack a tiny smile.
“Yes, you better believe it. I was his favorite,” Sirius says, smiling. His teeth are now slightly yellow and gross from the lack of personal hygiene in Azkaban. Regulus knows Sirius definitely hates it. He has always hated feeling dirty. Oh, and Sirius’s hair is a messy. That will kill him before any dementor does.
“Oi! You two! Shut up!” Rodolphus calls down from the end of the cells, “I’m trying to sleep.”
“Oh, suck my dick-“
A knock on Regulus’s front door causes him to turn off his gadget and get up to see who’s there. He slumps down the side of the couch and gets up, yawning as he opens the door.
“Oh, hey, Regulus,” Fleamont says, “just wanted to come check on you. It’s been an eventful week.”
Regulus opens the door so Fleamont can come in. Fleamont has always waited for Regulus to show he’s okay with everything. He waited until Regulus walked into his arms. He never pressured him. That’s something Regulus appreciates about him.
“Effie’s dealing with James.. he’s.. taking death pretty hard,” Fleamont says, sitting down on the couch, “were you watching Sirius?”
“Err… yeah,” Regulus mumbles sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Mind turning back on? I’m worried about that one, I am. He can never sit still,” Fleamont runs his veiny hands down his face, fixing his glasses with his pointer finger. Regulus reaches down to his gadget and presses Sirius Black. Immediately, the TV changes to Sirius in Azkaban.
“Oh, eat me, Bella!” Sirius groans, dramatically sprawled out on the ground, “Andy definitely loved me more.”
“That’s because you were a suck up.”
“If you two don’t shut up, I will crawl out of this cell and kill you both,” Rodolphus groans.
Fleamont lets out a tiny laugh, “seems like he’s giving them hell, huh?”
Regulus nods, sitting down next to him. The air around them is charged with unsaid words.
Where is James?
How is James?
Is James okay?
Fleamont looks over and Regulus and sighs, practically reading his mind. “James is alright, so is Lily. They are going to Grouping.”
Grouping is something you go through after death. Every time someone dies, they get a week to adjust, then they get sent to Grouping. Basically, that’s when you officially get a Paradise. Wizards get their wands back, with certain rules, then they are thrown to the wolves.
Merlin was very nice to Regulus during his grouping. Regulus was scared out of his mind, his death still fresh. He didn’t understand what was going on, really, despite the amount of times Effie explained it.
“They’ll be back soon,” Fleamont informs, “it shouldn’t take too long. James already knows what he wants for Paradise and Lily has a pretty good idea. They want separate ones though, do you know why?”
Regulus’s words get caught in his throat.
Your daughter-in-law is inlove with Mary Macdonald
Your son is gay
I’m inlove with your son
“Regulus, son, relax. You’re getting tense,” Fleamont says, concern swimming in his eyes as he sees the turmoil in Regulus’s.
“Sirius Orion Fucking Black. You are not Alphard’s favorite!” Bellatrix screams out from the TV. Sirius cackles, his gaze dreamy towards the moon.
“You must miss him,” Fleamont mutters, placing a hand on Regulus’s shoulder.
“Y-yeah, I do. Don’t tell him I said that though.”