Paradise
Regulus remembers the moment he died. He can still feel the claws scratching at his skin, demanding to reach his heart. The hands demanding to pull him underwater. It took him only 2 minutes to die that night, but his entire life flashed before his eyes.
His life with Sirius. The fights, the love, the hatred, the brotherhood. After everything Sirius had done, Regulus still loved him. It broke his heart to watch Sirius be imprisoned that day.
Regulus saw his friends, Evan and Barty. He saw the love and care they showed. The way Evan would bring Regulus candy when he was upset. The way Barty would protect Regulus from bullies, without ever admitting it.
Oh.. and Regulus saw James.
Regulus saw the way James held him. The way James wouldn’t judge him for his nightmares. James would hold him and kiss all over his face, laughing. Regulus saw the way James’s face lit up when he smiled. The way his glasses would slide off his face when he was playing quidditch. He also saw the look on James’s face when he slammed the door. Anger. Hurt. Regret.
All Regulus wants to do is hug James.
Regulus saw James die.
And it makes Regulus want to die all over again.
Regulus has felt this for two years straight. It’s a constant cycle. Hating James. Loving James. Loathing James. Missing James. It goes back and forth and back and forth. He hates James for shutting him out, not letting him explain. He hates James for dying. He hates James for getting married. He hates James for having kids. Yet, he loves James because James loved him.
Regulus has spent the last two horrible years in Paradise, where you live. Paradise is the only place where the floor is normal. It’s completely solid. Regulus’s Paradise is a large home. It’s brown with a wraparound porch and a kitchen big enough for dancing. There’s a floor length library, filled with books. Muggle books, wizard books, and Regulus wants to read them all. His bedroom is large, a bed so comfortable he can’t even believe it’s his. His living room, where he is now, has a couch with coffee table. A window that runs all along the wall, letting the sunlight it. The TV on the wall has channels, like a normal TV, but it also has the option to show your people. It can stream their lives in front of you.
Every morning he wakes up and drinks a cup of coffee. Two sugars. A splash of cream. Never more, never less.
It’s been boring for Regulus in Passover. All of his friends are alive, the only thing he has to look forward to is his lunches with the Potter’s on Sunday’s.
When Regulus passed, the first people he looked for were his own parents. Since Sirius had moved out, Regulus was the favorite. He was the sole heir to the Black name.
He tried to make them proud, he really did.
But in the end, he couldn’t serve the Dark Lord. His heart was too good.. and part of him did it for his James.
He gave up a life of glory for James. All of what he did was for James. His death? For James.
So, when he arrived in Passover, he tried to reach out for his parents, tried to hug them, touch them. But instead? They walked away, shunned him even in death. He sobbed, so hard, reaching through the transparent floor for James.
Until he felt a hand on his shoulder, Effie Potter. She looked sick, and well, dead. She had a greenish tint to her sick and little red marks all along her skin. But her smile was the exact same way Sirius described it. Soft. Sweet. Warm.
She pulled Regulus into her arms and didn’t let go.
Effie and Fleamont showed Regulus around Passover, like his parents should have. They showed him how his gadget works, how he can see every single person he loves through the transparent floor. They showed Regulus his paradise. They invited Regulus into theirs. It took a couple weeks, but Regulus started coming over for Sunday lunch. Honestly, Regulus hated it at first. Everything was so.. homey. Effie constantly smiled and Fleamont constantly laughing. Eventually, Regulus warmed up to the Potters. He would laugh and smile, make jokes with Fleamont and help Effie cook. It felt like home. Home with a whole missing. James.
All of it was for fucking James.
And now, Regulus sits on his floor in his bedroom, the TV showing his brother ranting to the moon. He’s complaining about the food and bed in Azkaban, not even the fact he’s in it. Regulus watches as Sirius turns into a dog to avoid losing his mind. He’s smart for it, really, Regulus knows Azkaban could kill Sirius.
Regulus looks down at his empty coffee cup, sighing, and pushing himself off the floor. It’s Sunday. He needs to go over to the Potters. Regulus doesn’t want to admit, but he’s fucking terrified. He hasn’t seen James since he got the mark. The day James slammed the door in his face. Yes, he’s seen James with Lily or Sirius or Remus, but he hasn’t really seen him. Seen the freckles on his nose, or the curve of his cheek, or his smile, or his stupid glasses that Regulus loved so much.
So, overall, Regulus is fucking terrified. He drags himself through his house, placing his empty cup in the sink, which automatically cleans it and puts it away with a flick of his wand. He opens his door and steps onto the transparent floor, immediately switching his gadget to blank. The floor turns an off-white color as he walks. He really didn’t want to watch Sirius pace around his cell, chanting to the moon, on his walk to the Potter’s. He’s only been in there a day, and Sirius already misses Remus so much. It’s heartbreaking to watch.
Honestly, Regulus thinks as he walks, he doesn’t know how James will react to him. Does James even know he died? Surely he does. Maybe Effie told him. Or James saw that his name isn’t on his gadget. Maybe Fleamont gave James a tour, just like they did for Regulus, and he showed him Regulus’s home.
Regulus snaps out of his thoughts when he arrives at the Potters and sees a head full of flaming red hair.
——
Lily Evans hasn’t taken her eyes off her gadget since she got to this place. Effie and Fleamont had shown her and James around and now she’s curled up on the porch swing. She’s been watching every single move Mary made. The way she broke after she called Remus. The way she held a photo of Lily close to her chest.
It made Lily want to cry, and cry, and cry, and yell, and yell, and yell, until Mary could hear her.
But that’s impossible.
Lily’s dead and Mary isn’t.
She knows it’s wrong of her, watching Mary’s ever move. She should be watching over Harry, but he’s just a baby. Nothing he could do could be as important as Mary. No offense Harry.
Lily never wanted to have Harry, but she didn’t have it in her to not have him. Her parents wouldn’t allow that. If it wasn’t for Harry, she would probably be alive right now, her head buried in Mary’s curls.
It isn’t fair of Lily to think like that, really. Harry’s just a baby, he has no idea what’s going on. She’s just so damn upset. It claws at her heart and drags her down.
“Lily?” Mumbles a voice, one she hasn’t heard in years. She snaps her gaze up from her gadget to see Regulus Black.
He looks just as confused as she does. His hair hasn’t changed since the last time she saw him, neither has his body. He’s still just as tall, just as pale. However, scarred all over his body are pale, red scratch marks. Running down from his hair to his ankles. It seems he’s come to terms with it, but Lily stares at them.
Lily didn’t even know Regulus was dead.
“Regulus..” Lily whispers, her voice sounding so unlike her own.
“You’re dead?” Regulus says, gazing down at Lily like she’s a work of art. Something that he can’t believe is physically real. Regulus had shut off the gadget after James died. He was sobbing so hard he couldn’t see.
“You’re dead?”
“You didn’t know?”
Lily’s eyes widen and she quickly shakes her head, “n-no.. we all thought you just went missing.”
“Missing?”
“Well, yes, Regulus, your body was never discovered.” Regulus sighs, pacing down the length of the porch, then he freezes.
“N-none of you knew?”
“Yes, Regulus, how many times-“
“Sirius didn’t know,” Regulus mumbles, more to himself than anyone. A part of Regulus broke. Yes, technically he had watched the last few years of Sirius’s life through his gadget, but he isn’t weird. He would turn the dial to blank or sometimes James Potter whenever Sirius had an emotional day. He really only turned on the gadget to remind himself that Sirius is alive. Safe. Loved.
So, yes, Regulus was under the impression Sirius knew he was dead.
“Regulus, you can literally see people in this place, how did you not know?” Lily asks, finally turning her dial from Mary’s face to blank.
“I’m not a creep. I didn’t like seeing Sirius upset so I would change the dial. It’s none of my business what he is upset about, really.”
Lily feels a surge of guilt rise in her chest. The whole 9 hours she’s been here, she’s been watching Mary’s every move. Watching her sleep, breathe, eat, shower. All of it. She’s not doing it to be a creep, of course, she’s just so sickeningly inlove with Mary Macdonald that all she wants to do is watch her.
She wants to touch Mary’s curls, wrap her hand around the nape of her neck, kiss her until her lips are red and swollen. Lily would do anything for Mary right now. Even die.. again.
Regulus hesitates, then sits down on the porch swing next to Lily. It’s such a comforting weight, Regulus next to Lily. She feels like she was transported back to her 6th year, helping Regulus study for his OWLS. Remus was there too, smoking a cigarette and complaining about how Sirius stole his jumpers. Regulus always looked up from his book and scowled when Sirius was mentioned.
“So… James, huh?” Regulus looks down at the gold wedding ring on Lily’s hand. It’s small and elegant and so Lily. There’s a large diamond in the middle surrounded by tiny rubies.
“Oh.. Regulus.. I’m so sorry,” Lily looked down at the ring, subconsciously twirling it on her finger. James has a matching band.
“For what? Marrying him?” Regulus shrugs, “don’t be.”
“But-“
“Don’t be.”
Suddenly, the door to the Potter home opens. Effie comes out, an apron on her waist and floor on her nose.
“Ahh, Regulus, just in time. Come, come, lunch is almost ready.” Effie leads Regulus and Lily into the house, softly closing the front door behind her.
Lily loves the Potter’s Paradise. It’s a small home, only having three bedrooms in total. The floor is open; the living room, kitchen, and dining room all accessible from the front hallway. Up a short set of stairs are all three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The beds are constantly made and the rooms are clean. The kitchen seems to be almost always in use. Whether that’s Effie making lunch or Fleamont making brownies. The Potter’s Paradise always smells of vanilla and clean laundry. The TV has been of Harry since Lily got there. Effie used her gadget to change it. They have since watched Dumbledore drop Harry off at the Dursley’s.
Lily hasn’t seen James since they got here. He said goodnight to his parents and locked himself in his bedroom. Lily doesn’t know why, but Regulus relaxes slightly as he realizes that James isn’t there.
Fleamont places plates of food on the table. Potatoes, vegetables, steak, and most importantly, pie. Technically, they don’t need to eat since they are all dead, but they all want to. Food can bring people together.
Lily starts to eat then brings her gaze up as the door to James’s room opens.
James’s eyes immediately catch Regulus’s. He tenses in a way she’s never seen. His eyes flick down to Regulus’s wrist, then back up, then he walks back into his room and closes the door.
Fleamont sighs across the table, “I’m sorry about him, Regulus, he’ll come around soon enough.”
Regulus doesn’t reply, he just stares down at his plate, picking at his potatoes. Lily reaches over and places her hand on his free one.
There’s something so special about friendships like that. At some point, Lily hated Regulus for getting the Dark Mark. She was so hurt and upset. But losing him? That hurt more than any betrayal.
Lily never wants to lose Regulus again.