Chapter 1
"Honestly, I wonder how you do it, Pandora. You live in your own world all day, yet you always manage to find your way to the classroom. It must be a miracle!" Lily laughed, a mocking smile on her lips.
Her friends barely hid their laughter behind their hands.
"Oh, she must be following the invisible lights that only she can see," one of them whispered.
Sirius stopped dead in his tracks. He didn’t know this girl, but he didn’t need to know more to dislike her.
Pandora, who had been smiling until then, lowered her eyes slightly. A brief hesitation. She wasn’t used to being hurt by words, but something about this remark affected her more than she wanted to admit.
Sirius had never been close to Pandora, yet she was impossible to miss with her long, white hair. His gaze shifted from Pandora to Lily, then to her friends.
"You shouldn’t let them talk to you like that," Sirius interjected coldly.
Pandora turned her gaze from Lily to lock eyes with Sirius.
"What’s it to you, Black?" Lily snapped, crossing her arms.
Sirius didn’t reply immediately. He grabbed the packet of herbs and the vial of Mandrake tears. He knew he should have kept quiet. His situation was already precarious—barely tolerated within the school, he needed to keep a low profile.
"You’ve spent the past five years harassing, humiliating, and mocking everyone, and now you feel the need to step in just because we’re joking with a classmate?" Lily added, red with anger.
Sirius paused, his fingers tightening slightly around the vial. She was right. He had spent much of his time playing pranks on others, laughing at their embarrassment. And he had found it amusing.
"I’m done with that, don’t you think?" he finally said.
"What do you want? To save her? Play the knight in golden armor?"
"Silver suits me better," Sirius retorted, a bitter smile on his lips.
"Fuck off, Black."
"Fuck you, Evans," he replied with a flash of irritation. "You know... You all know this isn’t just a joke. You think I’m pathetic? Then why are you acting like me?"
Lily let out a harsh laugh. Their relationship had significantly deteriorated after the events of last October. She had always favored Remus, and who was Sirius to blame her for choosing sides?
"I’m not like you, don’t get it twisted. I made a joke. And besides, she’s perfectly capable of defending herself," she replied coolly.
"Four against one isn’t very fair," Sirius countered, his jaw clenched.
Lily locked eyes with him, her gaze burning with an anger she didn’t even try to hide.
"Fair? You dare to speak of fairness?" she seethed. "You have the nerve to lecture us when you’re the biggest fraud in this school. You shouldn’t even be allowed to stay here!"
The silence that followed was heavy with tension.
"Everyone has the right to study and learn. That’s why we’re here," Pandora said softly. Despite the gentleness of her voice, the room fell silent to listen to her.
She turned her head toward Sirius and added, "Thank you, Sirius, for your kindness. But I’m tired, and it’s never good to stay up too late."
She lowered her voice even further, as if sharing a secret: "It attracts Nargles."
Sirius took advantage of the Ravenclaw’s intervention to leave the room. Madam Pomfrey would surely scold him—she was waiting for his return to continue preparing the regeneration potion. He walked quickly through the corridors, fighting internally not to let Lily’s words unsettle him. She was wrong. She had to be wrong. Otherwise, what was the point of all his efforts?
The past few months had been particularly difficult, and the ones ahead promised to be just as challenging. Sirius knew this was merely a fitting punishment for his reckless words, the ones that had nearly cost Severus his life and ruined Remus’s future. Yet, he had taken his life back into his own hands.
His schedule was rigorously packed. For the past six months, every day started at six in the morning and ended whenever the professors under whom he served saw fit. He particularly appreciated detentions with Professor McGonagall on Mondays and Fridays. She allowed him to do his homework, which was a blessing—without it, he had no idea when he would find the time.
The rest of his week was just as demanding. Madam Pomfrey had him working all day Saturday, as well as Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Professor Slughorn assigned him to prepare the Potions classroom on Monday and Friday mornings, while Professor Sprout required his help in the greenhouses on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.
Wednesday was perhaps the most intense day. At dawn, Sirius accompanied Hagrid to patrol the edges of the Forbidden Forest, collecting rare plants for the professors. In the evening, he helped Professor Flitwick reorganize his classroom.
Despite their deep disappointment in him, Sirius liked to think he had managed to prove that he could be useful. He had learned a lot from his interactions with the professors.
"Mr. Black, have you lost your way in the corridors? The potion won’t wait—hurry up," Madam Pomfrey scolded.
Sirius mumbled an apology. He had no desire to explain his tardiness, and Madam Pomfrey didn’t press him further. He placed the herbs on the workbench and, with precision, chopped them into fine pieces before adding them to the mixture. The nurse stirred the concoction before sighing, satisfied with the result.
"That’s very good work. It still needs to simmer a bit before cooling to room temperature. It will be ready tomorrow," she praised.
"I thought it had to rest for several days before it could be used?" Sirius asked, jotting down notes on a piece of parchment.
"That’s correct. For maximum effectiveness, this potion should be stored away from light for several days. However, it’s perfectly consumable before then," she explained, a slight smile on her lips.
Sirius had been her apprentice for six months. He had matured a lot and was now capable of treating minor to moderate ailments. She appreciated his eagerness to learn and his dedication. At first, he had spent most of his time reorganizing the infirmary’s storage room—a remarkable job. Since then, he had gained more responsibility and worked independently on Saturdays.
The infirmary door suddenly swung open, interrupting their conversation. Professor McGonagall entered the room, her usual stern expression fixed on her face.
"Good evening, Professor. It’s late for a visit. Is there a problem?"
"Not at all. I was hoping to borrow Mr. Black. I need to speak with him, and it can’t wait until tomorrow."
Sirius stiffened slightly. He hoped it wasn’t too obvious. He nodded while his mind raced. He knew why he was being summoned. Lily must have reported their interaction to McGonagall. He hated himself for speaking up. He had been so impeccable lately… Maybe he had just ruined his last chance to stay at Hogwarts.
The walk from the infirmary to the Professor’s office felt much shorter than it actually was for Sirius. His stomach twisted, and he gripped the strap of his bag in an attempt to steady himself. The corridors were empty, except for a few ghosts floating about, chatting cheerfully.
Lily was wrong. She was wrong to think he was a lost cause. He had been good, useful, respectful. Like an alcoholic in recovery, he had stopped hurting those around him.
He hadn’t spoken to Remus since the latter had asked him not to. He had distanced himself from James and Peter, letting Remus rebuild himself with those who mattered to him. He had stopped attending full moons, stopped joining in on their pranks, stopped eating with them, stopped looking at them... He had respected each of his punishments. He had done everything necessary to become invisible.
"After you, Mr. Black. We wouldn’t want to keep Mr. Potter waiting any longer."
It took Sirius a moment to process his professor’s words, but his confusion evaporated when he met James’s gaze, seated in one of the large chairs in front of the desk. He quickly looked away, embarrassed to see his former best friend. He couldn’t even recall the last time they had spoken. He was always too busy. He came back to the dormitory too late to run into him and left before classes even began.
"Thank you for waiting," she said to James. Then, she turned her gaze to Sirius.
"I hope I didn’t interrupt you too abruptly with Madam Pomfrey. She told me you’re doing an excellent job. She’s very pleased with her apprentice."
Sirius lowered his eyes slightly, embarrassed by the compliment. "I’m glad to hear that," he murmured. Yet, only one burning question filled his mind: Why am I here?
"We spoke with Professor Dumbledore earlier today about the latest Quidditch matches. You are surely aware that our house has lost every match since the beginning of the year. A sad record," she said bitterly.
James said nothing, but Sirius could tell from his clenched jaw that he was holding back his frustration. He didn’t need to speak for it to be obvious. Sirius, on the other hand, nodded without much conviction. He hadn’t been able to follow the matches this year. He was always occupied elsewhere, far from the Quidditch pitch. And that suited him just fine. Being kicked off the team had been a hard blow, and he preferred not to think about it.
"It hasn't escaped my notice that since you left the team, the results have declined." McGonagall paused, observing his reaction. "Given your behavior in recent months and the excellent feedback from the professors, Professor Dumbledore has agreed to your return to the Gryffindor Quidditch team."
Sirius' first thought was that he wouldn't survive this. His schedule barely allowed him to sleep. He was already exhausted, constantly running on empty. Adding three training sessions a week seemed... impossible.
"This, of course, comes with conditions. The team captain will supervise each of your training sessions. Since you haven't practiced for several months, you will have individual sessions before joining the team practices. Mr. Potter has already been informed."
"Alright, thank you—"
"At the slightest misstep, you will be excluded from the team. Mr. Potter will decide whether or not you participate in the matches."
Sirius opened his mouth, then closed it again. He took a deep breath before shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Professor, but I have to refuse. I… I don't have the time."
He rummaged through his bag and pulled out an old, worn parchment. He unrolled it and handed it to McGonagall. "You see, my days are already full, I can't afford to add Quidditch training."
McGonagall took the parchment, glanced over it, then handed it back to him. "This has already been discussed with all the professors. You will be excused from certain obligations when you have training. Mr. Potter will inform the teachers."
Sirius felt his stomach twist. Trapped. His relationship with James had been in ruins for a long time, and it couldn't be repaired—he was convinced of that. James hadn't said a word, but he must have been frustrated to have a traitor imposed on the team.
"What will happen to my replacement?" Sirius asked, casting a furtive glance at James.
James was looking at him, eyebrows furrowed, a clear sign of his annoyance. He spoke before the professor could.
"Elliot left the team. He didn’t manage to score a single point this year. Plus, he got injured in Potions last week," James explained tersely.
Sirius looked away. James was an open book; he had never been good at hiding his emotions. The tension in his shoulders and the frown on his face betrayed his frustration. Sirius decided to put an end to his suffering.
"Oh, very well. If everything is already decided, I see no reason to refuse," Sirius replied, a bit stiffly. He didn’t really have a choice anyway—he had lost that privilege six months ago.
He loved playing Quidditch, and playing with James had been one of his favorite activities at Hogwarts. Yet, the discomfort he felt made him nauseous. Lily's words came back to him. He was only tolerated at the school as long as he kept his head down. His hands trembled slightly on his knees.
"Perfect. I expect you to make up for this disastrous start to the year—it’s a matter of Gryffindor’s reputation," the professor continued, visibly satisfied. "Professor Slughorn is far too confident in his house’s victory this year. Let’s try to challenge them."
Sirius chuckled despite himself at the comment. He knew firsthand how proud Slughorn was of his house—he spent two mornings a week listening to him ramble on about the talents of Slytherins.
"It’s late. Practice starts tomorrow, doesn’t it, Mr. Potter?"
James nodded while Sirius lost his smile. He barely had time to process the information…
He dreaded the one-on-one with James. He had been in his bubble for months, busy and monitored by the professors. He realized that he secretly liked the protection his schedule provided. He didn’t run into anyone for too long; he barely had time to think about his past life—about Remus.
He refused to think about him. It hurt too much and did nothing to heal his broken heart. A heart he had shattered himself.
"You may return to your dormitory," McGonagall dismissed him.
Quidditch was going to force him to interact with people. He had no idea what the students were saying about him. What had been repeated? Would the Gryffindors protest his return? Maybe it wasn’t too late to refuse…
He got up from his chair and politely greeted his professor before walking with James toward the dorms. The silence was uncomfortable, weighing on their shoulders. Sirius didn’t dare break it, fearing he would shatter the fragile balance between them.
"Team practice is at 8 AM tomorrow. We'll start at 6:30 AM to review the basics. I’ll assess your overall level," James declared, his gaze fixed ahead.
Sirius nodded, exhausted and dreading the next day’s training. What would Remus think when he learned he was allowed back on the team?
He let out a sigh. He had thought he could finish the year without any new obstacles…
James gave the Fat Lady the password and led the way to the dormitories. As Sirius climbed the stairs, he hoped everyone would already be in bed. He usually returned later than this, but the common room was still quite full for a Thursday night. His apprehension increased when James opened the door.
Remus was reading on his bed, while Peter was scribbling on a parchment. Both of them looked up to greet James, and silence settled. Sirius felt uncomfortable and didn’t even try to meet their gaze. He kept a neutral expression and headed for his bed. When he drew the curtains, he was surprised to see his Quidditch gear folded and ready to use. He ran a hand over the fabric. It bore the number 13.
The silence was heavy. Sirius knew they wanted to talk, but his presence prevented them. He quickly gathered his things; James was sitting on his bed, which confirmed that the bathroom was available. He locked himself inside.
"Silencio," he whispered, cutting himself off from the rest of the world. He closed his eyes for a moment before slowly starting to undress, his gaze lost in the void.
"What did McGonagall want at this hour?" Peter asked as soon as the door closed. He abandoned his homework, clearly intrigued.
"She asked me if I could supervise Sirius' Quidditch training. Apparently, Dumbledore and she discussed it, and he's coming back to the team. We start practice tomorrow." James spoke in one breath, as if he wanted to get everything out at once.
Peter’s mouth fell open in shock, and he glanced at Remus, who had slightly straightened up to follow the conversation. The topic of Sirius came up from time to time between them, each trying to guess the others' feelings.
"He's coming back to the team?" Remus repeated, almost incredulously.
"Yes, McGonagall said his behavior has been very good these past few months. He has made a lot of effort and…"
"What do you think about it?" Remus interrupted, a more personal note in his voice.
"Well… I think that…" James hesitated. He suddenly felt vulnerable.
"You can say it, James, I won’t hold it against you," Remus said, briefly lowering his eyes before looking at James with a gentle smile.
James remained silent for a moment, his eyes searching for support from Remus and Peter. Finally, he let out a small nervous laugh, as if trying to downplay the weight of what he felt.
"I'm really happy. I know that… but it was six months ago, and I miss him. I never see him anymore, he’s never really there and…" His voice cracked slightly, and he turned away for a moment to hide his emotions.
Sirius was his brother from another mother; they were inseparable, and even after his mistake, he still had a special place in James’s heart. James had tried multiple times to talk to Sirius, but he was constantly monitored by the school’s professors. He was always under someone’s supervision and had almost no free time. Only on Sundays, but even then, he spent his day avoiding any contact.
"And you, what do you think?" James asked, turning to them again.
"I miss him too," Peter was the first to answer without hesitation. It wasn’t like him to be so direct, but he seemed sincerely sure of himself. "I think he’s served his time. He didn’t hurt anyone, after all, and everyone is happy with him. Maybe it’s time to let him come back?"
Remus let himself fall dramatically onto his bed, a long sigh escaping his lips.
"I miss him too…" he admitted, his voice softer.
It had only taken him a month without Sirius for that thought to hit him. Sirius had been his favorite person. The betrayal had hurt, but with time, the pain had faded. Sirius had respected his wishes: he hadn’t spoken to him, had given him space—far more than he had asked for. He had taken time to reflect and rebuild himself. And yet, how much he missed him…
His laughter, his jokes, his way of shouting, his mere presence. He missed everything about him. Remus had amazing friends; they had all suffered from the distance, but they had stayed by his side. Every full moon, every day, they had been there.
But Sirius had always been special to Remus, much more than he had ever expressed. They had been in love for a few weeks before everything fell apart. The sweetest weeks of his life.
"I want him to come back too," Remus said.
"At least we all agree," Peter added with a big smile.
"Well, Sirius wasn’t exactly thrilled about resuming Quidditch practice…" James finally explained, a pained expression on his face. "I had to insist for him to rejoin the team."
"But Sirius loves Quidditch…" Peter mused.
The conversation abruptly stopped when the bathroom door opened. The group jumped, caught up in their discussion. Their eyes turned to Sirius, who forced himself to keep his head down. He murmured an apology before heading to his bed. He closed the curtains, and silence settled once more.
Despite the thoughts swirling in his mind, Sirius quickly fell asleep for a short night.