Chapter 2
Standing in front of the mirror, Sirius examined himself. He had struggled to get up that morning to prepare for his first Quidditch training. The dark circles under his eyes reflected his lack of sleep. Despite this, he vigorously rubbed his face, hoping to wake up.
"I don't feel like it..." Sirius thought, letting out a sigh.
He left the bathroom to join James, who was waiting for him in the common room. Sirius felt his stomach twist at the thought of their one-on-one conversation. They hadn't spoken in too long—how was he supposed to act? The day before, James had been clear: he didn’t want Sirius back on the team.
Sirius descended the stairs, promising himself not to cause any trouble for James. He had been a terrible friend when James had welcomed him with open arms, and he didn’t want to bother him any further.
"Not too hard getting up? I brought you some breakfast," James said, handing Sirius a piece of cake and a banana.
"Oh, thanks," Sirius accepted. "It was fine. I'm ready for training. What are we doing?"
Quidditch had always been James’ passion. He spoke about their session with enthusiasm, explaining each exercise as if Sirius didn’t already know them by heart. Sirius tried to keep a neutral expression, but he struggled to contain his emotions—he was happy just to listen to James talk. He had missed him so much. He forced himself to remember that if he was in this situation, it was his own fault.
"Is the rest of the team joining us later?"
"Yeah, they’ll be joining. We absolutely have to win the next match. Losing every single one is really letting Gryffindor down…" James lamented.
"Then we better get to work," Sirius replied, looking James in the eye, unsure if he had permission to do so. He smiled timidly, hoping to reassure him.
James smiled back. He seemed in a better mood, full of energy.
Training was tough for Sirius. He gave it his all, not slacking off. James took the time to evaluate him; Sirius at least wanted to make sure he wasn’t wasting his time. He didn’t want to be a starter like last year—it attracted too much attention. He refused to be observed by all the students and professors, especially the latter. Their looks of disappointment still haunted his nightmares.
Sirius followed instructions without complaint. He scored easily and dodged the balls. The beginning of practice was always the easiest part, but Sirius knew better than anyone that James’ training sessions were the hardest. It took James only twenty minutes to leave Sirius breathless.
"That’s great, let’s do a few more throws, and then we’ll release the Bludgers." James was slightly out of breath, but his enthusiasm remained palpable.
Sirius muttered a few barely audible curses but nodded anyway. James had always had impressive stamina, but it was still shocking to see him so full of energy after over an hour of intense training.
Bludgers were sneaky, fast, and always seemed to appear where you least expected them. Yet Sirius didn’t let himself be intimidated. He scored point after point under James’ enthusiastic encouragement.
James approached him, giving him a high five—a familiar gesture that forced a smile onto Sirius’ lips.
"With you, we’re going to crush Ravenclaw, no doubt about it!" James exclaimed, his bright smile lighting up his face.
Sirius, though ready to collapse from exhaustion, couldn’t take his eyes off James’ radiant expression.
By the time the team arrived, Sirius was already sweating. He acted as if nothing was wrong, politely greeted his former teammates, and deliberately avoided looking at Marlene. She shared a room with Lily, and he didn’t need confirmation to know what she thought of him.
When James called the end of training, Sirius couldn’t hold back a sigh of relief. His body ached, and despite stretching, he knew he’d be sore the next day. The session had gone well. Sirius felt he had done his best, and despite his embarrassment, he hadn’t looked ridiculous.
Sirius tried to slip out of the locker room quietly to avoid talking to his former teammates. He nearly succeeded, but James quickly caught up with him.
"Sirius, wait!" James called, out of breath. "That was a great session. I’ll tell Professor McGonagall."
"Oh, thanks a lot." Sirius smiled, his cheeks heating under James’ compliment. "Um, thanks for taking the time to train me. I know that… it’s early, and…" Sirius had no idea how to finish his sentence. He didn’t dare continue, afraid of saying too much.
"I don’t mind. I love Quidditch and…" James cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable. "It’s great to spend time together, just the two of us."
Sirius looked intently at James, searching his eyes for a possible double meaning. It didn’t make sense—James was better off without him. And if he hadn’t realized that yet after everything that had happened, he was more foolish than Sirius thought. Sirius didn’t need to respond, as James was called by the rest of the team. He took advantage of the distraction to slip away.
By the time James turned around, Sirius had already left the locker room. He sighed, a mix of frustration and disappointment weighing on his chest. He had wanted to spend more time talking, but time always seemed to slip through his fingers these past months. Everything had been so complicated since the betrayal and the distance that had grown between them. He had felt torn, caught between his desire to help Remus through this ordeal and the pain of Sirius’ sudden departure. Maintaining ties with him had seemed impossible.
But those few hours together this morning had given him hope. The joy he felt, however small, showed him that it was still possible to mend things. To regain the friendship they had shared—he was determined. He would do everything in his power to make it happen.
His stomach let out a particularly loud growl, breaking the tension of the moment. He hurried to the Great Hall, eager to share the details of training with Remus and Peter. Who knew? Maybe Sirius would be there too…
"How was practice?" asked Remus, spreading a generous amount of jam on his bread.
"Pretty good. He's a little rusty, but with some training, he'll be key for the next match." As soon as he finished speaking, he took a bite of his apple.
"Did you get a chance to talk?" Peter asked curiously.
James shook his head. "Not really. He took his shower in a few minutes, and by the time I had put on my socks, he had already left the locker room..." he lamented.
Remus was about to respond when he saw Sirius enter the Great Hall. He was surprised to realize how much he had been noticing his friend's absence. Sirius didn't often eat in the hall, as his detentions frequently forced him to gulp down his meals in a hurry. He noticed that Sirius' hair wasn't completely dry.
"Potter, what’s this about?" Lily interjected, cutting off Remus' observation.
"Good morning to you too, my sweet Lily. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" James asked, a charming smile plastered on his face.
"Oh, save it. Marlene told me that Sirius rejoined the team. Is that true? Who made that decision? And you, you accepted it?" Lily fired off her questions without giving James a chance to respond.
"Can I speak?" James' smile faded, replaced by a serious expression. "Yes, Sirius is back on the Quidditch team. Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall requested his return, he didn’t ask for it himself." Anticipating her thoughts, he added, "He’s been performing really well these past months, and they decided to let him come back."
Lily was as red as her hair. Despite her recent disagreements with Severus, he was still very important to her. And when she had learned that he was in the hospital because of a prank by Sirius, she had rushed to his bedside. There, she had found out what had happened—or at least, as much as Severus had been allowed to tell her.
She had seen how much the Marauders had been affected by Sirius, especially Remus. He had needed to be picked up in pieces by the others, reduced to a shadow of himself. But he was better now—much better. He was smiling again, laughing with his friends, and they had resumed their pranks. As for Sirius, he belonged to the past.
Sirius' return to the Quidditch team didn’t sit well with her, and she was ready to defend this newfound peace with all her heart.
"This is insane. He shouldn’t be allowed to play; he’s dangerous," she declared firmly, not breaking eye contact with James.
James narrowed his eyes, searching for words. Remus stopped eating. He wanted to intervene, to put an end to this discussion, but no words came to him. He wanted to contradict Lily, to tell her she was crossing the line, that this wasn't her concern. But what could he really say?
"You’re wrong." James stood up, facing the woman he loved. "I don’t know what you think you know, but you don’t know."
"I know enough to say that he shouldn’t even be allowed to stay in this school. I know he was your friend, but what he did—that was attempted murder. A few detentions won’t change anything."
Sirius tried to make himself as invisible as possible when he entered the Great Hall. He sat at the end of the table and started eating. A glance at the large clock told him he had about ten minutes before his first class. However, despite the morning chatter, Lily's voice pierced through the noise.
His blood ran cold. He lowered his head, hoping not to attract attention.
Attempted murder.
The words echoed in his mind, just like the ones Professor Dumbledore had used six months earlier.
"You have proven your capacity to kill."
Sirius felt an increasing pressure as he heard Lily talk about him. His heart clenched at the sound of her accusations. He looked up. James seemed annoyed, while Peter was trying, in vain, to calm things down. Remus, however, remained silent, watching the scene without taking sides.
Having lost his appetite, Sirius stood up and left the Great Hall. His hands were trembling, his throat tightening. The words kept replaying in his head. Dangerous. Murder. Capacity to kill. Was that what defined him?
He had tried so hard to escape any resemblance to his family, yet he had become worse than them.
And yet, he was trying. For months, he had been making an effort. Professor McGonagall had told him so—he had been behaving well. He followed instructions, respected directives without protest. He woke up early, went to bed late. He had even thought he saw a change in the way people looked at him.
A few detentions won’t change anything.
So, was there nothing to be done? Would his life forever be defined by that dreadful act? He refused to believe it. People change. They must change, otherwise, what’s the point of all this effort?
Sirius felt emotions overwhelm him faster than he could control them. His throat tightened, his vision blurred for a moment. He bit his tongue to try to calm himself, attempting to suppress the wave of frustration and despair threatening to swallow him whole.
"Mr. Black, you'll be late if you keep daydreaming. Hurry up," Professor McGonagall said. She was standing in the hallway, monitoring the flow of students to ensure everyone reached their classrooms on time.
Sirius lifted his head, swallowing down the urge to cry. His gaze met McGonagall’s, and for a brief moment, time seemed to freeze. He felt as if he were being pulled out of the moment, as if reality itself was wavering.
He found himself foolish for reacting this way. After all, everything was his fault. Yes, those words defined him. No one had asked him to be a traitor. Lily was right to be wary. He could try to be better, but that would never erase the past. The only question was whether he could live with that weight on his shoulders.
"Are you alright, Mr. Black?" McGonagall asked, a hint of concern in her voice.
"Yes," he replied immediately.
His voice was rough, strained. He clenched his fists inside his robe sleeves to hide the trembling. Then, with a simple nod, he masked his distress and walked toward his classroom.
The tension between James and Lily was palpable. Their voices were rising, and Peter's pleas to calm them down had no effect. Remus remained silent, unable to intervene without risking hurting one or the other.
He understood Lily. He heard her anger, her distrust. But the words she used were heavy. Sharp. And they didn't fit Sirius. Not the Sirius he had loved. Not the one James defended, even at the cost of upsetting Lily.
"Everyone is watching us, you should lower your voices..." Peter worried, feeling the weight of the others' gazes on his shoulders.
"You're going too far, Lily." James said darkly, his brows furrowed and fists clenched.
"I don't see what you see in him. He's not worth dragging yourself down with, James," Lily retorted, blind to the anger burning in the boy's eyes.
A soft laugh rose behind them. Pandora had approached, idly playing with a feather between her fingers.
"Be careful, Lily," she said thoughtfully. "When you look at someone only searching for the darkness, you end up forgetting they were once light too."
A heavy silence fell over the table. Lily opened her mouth, then shut it immediately, unsettled. She rolled her eyes before getting up and heading toward the classroom. James looked at Pandora, who gave him a slight smile before stating:
"He's gone."
Then, she turned on her heel as well. James turned to his friends, sat down abruptly, slamming his hand on the table, still very upset.
"What business is it of hers? This has nothing to do with her!" James fumed. "She knows nothing, and yet she dares to make accusations in front of everyone."
Remus and Peter exchanged a glance, gathered their things, and headed to their classroom.
"She's really upset with Sirius…" Peter commented as he followed his friends.
James, however, was still fuming.
"She had no right to talk about him like that in front of everyone," he said darkly, his brows furrowed and fists clenched. He grumbled before continuing, "It's not like I asked for him to come back. If she wants to complain, she should go to McGonagall!" he snapped.
Remus nudged him to get his attention. He was speaking too loudly, and their classmates, eager for gossip, were already listening in. Murmurs rose around them; the argument with Lily and James's reaction wouldn't be forgotten anytime soon.
"I don't care about the others, Moony. Really, it's the least of my worries. I just want everything to go back to how it was before," James said, vulnerable under the weight of his anger. "I want my best friend back."
James cursed and continued walking without waiting for his friends. He wasn’t in the mood to talk. But Peter wasn’t about to let it go.
"I agree with you," he said. "Lily is wrong, and I'm glad you got to spend time with him this morning. I'm sorry I didn't step in."
James and Remus looked at him in surprise. Peter gathered his courage and, a bit louder, added:
"He's my friend, and I miss him."
James threw an arm around Peter’s shoulders and ruffled his hair, a mischievous smile on his lips. Remus, once again, remained silent. He missed Sirius too, and he longed to regain the closeness they had shared. For that, he knew they would need to have a conversation with him.
And indeed, the morning's altercation had spread like wildfire. Sirius’s return to the Quidditch team, Lily’s reaction, and James’s words were the talk of the day.
As for Sirius, he had chosen to keep his distance. He didn’t join the Great Hall for lunch, settling instead for nibbling on some dry biscuits in an empty classroom. James had tried to speak to him after their first class, but Sirius had been called by Professor Slughorn. He gave the professor his full attention, hoping to avoid another confrontation with James.
Sirius loved James, and even though their separation had been abrupt, he was grateful that James had chosen Remus. He had crossed the line, been more than reckless. James, Remus, and Peter were safer without him by their side.
He sighed. Lily’s words had hit him hard. He almost regretted being allowed back on the Gryffindor team. He was representing a house he no longer felt he belonged to.
The rest of the day passed without any further clashes with Lily. He could feel her dark gaze weighing on him during class, but he gave her nothing to latch onto: he stayed focused.
As the day progressed, the excitement for the weekend spread through the school. Students were already picturing themselves strolling through Hogsmeade, eager to leave the classrooms behind and enjoy their freedom.
The sky was darkening, and Sirius forced himself to head to his detention. He had never been one to complain about it, but the day had been exhausting, and all he wanted was to rest. Tonight, he had detention with Professor McGonagall. These were his favorite ones: he could work on his assignments and occasionally ask for help.
As he turned into a deserted corridor, Pandora appeared silently by his side.
"You know, the stars don’t disappear just because we stop looking at them."
Sirius stopped, surprised. She walked with a light, almost ethereal step, giving the impression that she was floating.
"You scared me," he finally replied. What was she trying to tell him?
"I wanted to thank you for standing up for me last night. That was very kind of you," she said with a smile.
"Oh… it was nothing," he answered, embarrassed.
Pandora gazed at him with her large blue eyes, as if she could see beyond the surface. Uncomfortable, he looked away.
"I heard what Lily said this morning. I’m sorry that it hurt you. If it helps… I don’t think you’re dangerous."
Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but she continued before he could.
"Do you know about the Vishuddha? It’s a chakra linked to communication and self-expression. We all have it, but for some, it’s… blocked."
She paused for a moment, then gently placed her hand on Sirius’s chest.
"You have a pure heart, Sirius. Your Vishuddha is just blocked. When it is, it’s hard to express what you truly feel."
Sirius didn’t respond. His heart started beating faster—he could almost hear it. He let his gaze sink into Pandora’s. She had always been in her own world, and he had never paid much attention to her. Yet her words gave him a sliver of hope. Slowly, she withdrew her hand.
"I’m hungry. Do you think there’s any pudding left?" She left just as she had arrived.
Alone in the corridor, Sirius watched her walk away. He ran his fingertips over his throat. What had she seen in him?
The last rays of sunlight streamed through the corridor windows, reminding him that he would be late if he kept daydreaming. He knocked softly on the office door before stepping inside.
"Good evening, Mr. Black," greeted Professor McGonagall. "How was practice this morning?"
"Good, James seemed happy," he replied, pulling out his things. "Do you know when the next match will be?"
"Next month," she answered briefly before returning to the papers on her desk.
Sirius nodded and settled in across from her. He opened a thick book, prepared his parchment and quill, ready to focus. He paid no attention to the silence settling in, only disturbed by the crackling fire. McGonagall’s quill had stopped scratching on the papers.
Minerva had always had a certain fondness for Sirius. She knew what was happening at his home and, despite her attempts to improve the situation, Madam Black had been very clear about how she intended to raise her children.
She studied the face of the young man sitting before her. He was just a child, and even though Dumbledore considered him more mature than the others, he was still a teenager. Sirius had made a mistake, but she had never seen anyone as terrified of themselves as he had been that night.
He was getting better, he was making a great effort, and she was proud of him. Yet, the concern lingered. His face was hollowed by fatigue, evidenced by the dark circles under his eyes. She knew his schedule was overwhelming and wished it could be lightened, but Dumbledore didn’t share her view. He believed it was a fair consequence.
Nonsense.
She had heard about the discussion between Lily Evans and Sirius that morning. Lily had come to see her, hoping to convince her to reconsider her stance. That probably explained Sirius’s strange behavior after breakfast. He had fought to contain his emotions, suppressing the guilt and sadness that threatened to overwhelm him. She wanted to help him, but he wouldn’t have let her.
That poor child.
She watched as exhaustion overtook him while he read. His eyelids drooped despite himself, and he reopened them seconds later, struggling to stay focused. He rubbed his eyes several times and stifled a yawn. She let him fight against sleep for a few more minutes until his mind finally gave in, and he dozed off, his head resting on the table, lulled by the silence of the room.
With a practiced gesture, Minerva delicately placed a blanket over his shoulders before resuming the correction of her papers, letting Sirius regain some strength.