Chapter 2
He names his cat Bubbles. Both of his roommates don’t like cats, so it’s a mission sure to end in disaster that he’s trying to hide her.
It’s been three days since James texted him and they’ve tingled almost constantly, soul-shifted twice, and James even called him once to ask about his favourite coffee shop, which was a little unnecessary.
The dreaded meetup is today, and even Bubbles can tell he’s stressed. She keeps licking his toes and purring, which he hopes is supposed to be some sort of comfort because otherwise he’s gonna be really freaked out.
Regulus honestly just has no idea what the fuck he’s going to do. It’s one thing if he has to talk to Sirius, which will definitely end in a fight and him getting drunk somewhere, but it’s another thing entirely if he has to be around James, too.
He smiles at every second message he sends him, and Regulus just knows he’ll crack if he has to look James in the face too.
They’re not meeting where he works, which he’s thankful for, because Sandy has been a fucking pain lately.
Regulus is also a little pissed that he’s been genuinely missing Remus. His stupid soul just has to love people doesn’t it? Fucking rude.
It’s not even that they haven’t talked, Remus has been texting him almost as much as James, and he hasn’t mentioned Sirius once, which Regulus is thankful for. He doesn’t need Sirius to take his first friend as well as his soulmate.
Still, they haven’t met up in person since the ‘incident’, and Regulus misses stealing his jumpers when he goes to the loo, or drawing cats in his books, only for Remus to find them and whack him with the book. Remus is very anti-annotating, and has a flawless collection of bookmarks, meanwhile Regulus regularly uses his books as sketchbooks or coasters.
He finds you have to personalise books a little. You need to be able to tell it’s been read, been lived. Like when you're reading a book for the first time and you can find the page you were on just by the differences in the pages. The ones you’ve read sort of puff out a little, and ones you haven’t still fall into place perfectly.
Life isn’t perfect, and books aren’t either. That’s what makes them so beautiful.
Bubbles refuses to stay in the apartment. With only ten minutes left to get to the café, Regulus is contemplating using duck tape.
He tries to shove her out of the way with his foot for the sixteenth time, and decides to fuck it, she’ll just come with him if that’s what she really wants.
She purrs in his arms like they weren’t just hissing at each other five seconds ago.
Regulus sits in the tube, holding Bubbles’ ears closed while having a minor crisis. She seems completely oblivious to this, pawing at his chest and meowing loudly, or at least he thinks, he can’t actually hear a thing.
“Can I pet him?” A girl his age sits down next to him as they start to leave the station they’re at. She has scary blue eyes and white, shiny hair, contrasting with her dark skin.
“Oh, erm, it’s a girl”
“Can I pet her then?”
“...sure” Regulus holds Bubbles out rather pathetically, as if he’s Rafiki in the Lion King.
The girl accepts her happily, “What’s her name?”
“Bubbles”
“Oh, that’s lovely.”
Is it? Regulus looks at her a bit bewildered.
“What is your name?” She asks as she scratches behind Bubbles’ ears.
“Regulus.”
“I’m Pandora.”
“Weird name.”
“So’s yours, love.”
They both smile, but the next stop is announced and Pandora looks up.
“Oh, this is me. Good look with your soul, Regulus”
She smiles and then she’s gone. Regulus just stares after her. How on earth did she know?
Regulus doesn’t have much time to think about it, because his stop is the one after and as soon as he steps off the tube he collides with a chest.
A way too familiar chest.
James’ face breaks into a grin when he recognises him. “Hi,” he beams, much too loud and the effort to stop himself from smiling makes Regulus dizzy.
“Hi,” he answers quietly.
“I see you have a friend”
“Huh?”
“The cat?”
“Oh, yeah, Bubbles”
James searches his face, looking for something but he doesn’t seem to find it and his smile grows even more.
“Oh, I love you”
Regulus’ heart literally just falls out of his chest. James keeps talking, petting Bubbles’ head but Regulus’ ears are ringing.
James says something, a joke maybe, and looks up for his reaction, but Regulus’ expression must show how he’s feeling as if he’s just been run over and James looks all worried now.
“Reg? What happened?”
He places his hands on Regulus’ shoulders, Bubbles going completely ignored now.
“Nothing, nothing, it’s fine”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
James looks at him, so concerned it makes Regulus’ chest ache.
“...how about I give you a hug anyway, then?”
And Regulus finds himself so unbelievably desperate for James’ warmth that he nods, Bubbles be damned, and lets James pull him close.
James’ arms fit around him perfectly, resting loosely around his waist and Bubbles meows, trying to get away from where she’s trapped between them. Regulus lets her, and she crawls onto his shoulder.
James chuckles when she paws at his face. “I like her.”
Regulus nods, trying to soak up as much of James as possibly.
I love you. I love you. I love you-
James shudders suddenly, and steps back, looking like he’s just been caught doing something illegal.
“Erm-” Regulus suddenly understands when he feels the tingle himself, though he can’t understand why James seems so put out by it suddenly.
“-we should go to the café, Sirius is probably there already.” James scratches the back of his neck awkwardly, before turning and marching out of the station.
***
James has no idea what’s happening to him.
He’s loved his soulmate as long as he can remember. The idea of true love seemed like the most wonderful thing in the world to him.
When he was little, he’d cry whenever they soul shifted. He’d cry so much it hurt, and then he’d cry even more when he realised his soulmate felt like this all the time. As he got a bit older, he’d try to do it on purpose, just because he knew that if he was feeling like shit at least his soulmate wasn’t. It would comfort him immensely that he could take all that away from them for a while.
And despite all the sadness, his soulmate was also calm. Soft. James could feel it deep in his chest. He just knew that they were the sort of person to show affection with little things. Placing their shoes together, touching his arm a little, a soft kiss to the cheek here and there. Sweet.
James has known since before he knew what love was that he’ll love his soulmate until the day he dies.
So now that he’s finding himself falling head over heels for Regulus Black, James doesn’t know what’s going on anymore.
It was like the second he saw the boy, before Remus could introduce them, before Sirius could start yelling, just for a second, James felt like they were completely alone in the world.
Regulus was looking right at him, and James was looking back, smiling shyly because he didn’t know what else to do.
And then, he’s still not sure what exactly happened, he was pulling Regulus into his chest while he cried and shivered. It was like holding his mother’s favourite bowl.
When he’d run his fingers along it, absolutely enchanted with it, and somehow not scared to break it at all, even though he knew how precious it was.
That’s what Regulus is. Precious.
But he’s not James’ soulmate.
And it’s killing him.
Sirius is sitting at a table, fidgeting relentlessly when they arrive. James tries to get his attention before Regulus spots him, but Sirius stares down at his cup of coffee, completely unaware that they’re here.
James glances at Regulus, who’s staring at Sirius with a mixture of longing and fear. James has the urge to hug him close, and immediately he feels a clench in his chest.
What about your soulmate?
Just then, Regulus turns to him, and James watches his eyes as he feels the tingle in his chest.
Why can’t he be my soulmate?
James feels so guilty about all of this. How is it fair of him to wish Regulus was his soulmate? What about Regulus’ soulmate? What about James’ soulmate?
He looks away, a clump in his throat, and starts walking towards Sirius.
“Hey,” Sirius greets, voice shaky, as they sit down. Regulus doesn’t meet his eyes as he mumbles back a small, “hi”
Bubbles jumps out of Regulus’ arms and walks across the table, towards Sirius. She sniffs at him, meowing, then settles back in Regulus’ lap.
“Why’d you bring your cat?”
Regulus shrugs. “She didn’t want to stay alone.”
“She?”
“Bubbles,” Regulus confirms and Sirius nods.
“Look, um, I’m really sorry about the other day. I’m a total idiot.”
Now Regulus nods, “S’fine.”
Sirius looks as if he doesn’t think so, but he doesn’t say anything.
“Do… do you guys want, um, coffee?”
Given the chance to an out, Regulus immediately jumps up. “I’ll get them.” He dumps Bubbles, who literally doesn’t even try to catch herself and lets herself flop, onto James and rushes to join the cue.
“Does he even know what coffee you like?”
“Don’t think so”
Sirius lets out a small noise, almost a laugh.
“James?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m going to fuck this up.”
“No, you’re not, Pads. Just use that pretty head of yours and don’t insult him, you’ll be fine.”
“Well, I’ve done a great job of that so far, haven’t I?”
“You didn’t know.”
“I should have! I should have noticed that. And I didn’t. I left him there, James.”
“You had to get out.”
“So did he.”
“You were a kid.”
“So was he.”
James sighs. “It’s not your fault Pads. It’s not his fault either. All of this is your parent’s fault, and you know it. And you don’t have to see them ever again. You’re both okay now. All you have to do is try.”
“Right. You’re right. Yeah. We’ll be fine.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah!”
“Errrrrrr.”
They both whip around to Regulus, who’s holding one cup of the darkest liquid James has ever seen, and another with foam and three different syrups and rainbow sprinkles.
James is so gone for this boy.
“You got me sprinkles,” he states, a bit dumbfounded.
“Oh, yeah, I just thought you seemed like a, uh, sprinkle guy, so…”
He hands James the cup, the tips of his ears red. James is too distracted to stop Bubbles from biting into the foam, letting out a surprised meow when she realises that it’s not hard.
Regulus gently pulls her back into his lap, the ghost of a smile on his lips.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, stroking Bubbles’ fur as she tries to crawl back to James, holding her back.
James’ heart twinges painfully, the overwhelming urge to hold him close making him almost dizzy.
“So-” Sirius speaks up, “-you work at a coffee shop? Are you studying?”
Regulus nods, “No, just- getting by.”
“Ah. A- Are you planning to, or…?”
“Maybe.”
“What were you thinking?”
“Art, probably.”
“That’s cool!” Both brothers turn to him when James suddenly speaks up, interrupting the odd and awkward conversation for the first time.
Regulus blinks, then looks down bashfully. “Thanks,” the sight of his rose-tinted cheeks makes James even dizzier than before, and he takes a sip of his sprinkle-coffee to hide his own blush.
“Have you had the cat long?”
Sirius gestures to Bubbles who’s settled down, now just pawing at Regulus’ curls.
“No. Couple of days.”
“From a shelter?”
“Oh, no, she just wouldn’t leave me alone.”
Sirius chuckles awkwardly. “That’s, um, cute.”
They sit there for another half an hour, conversation strained but better than at the start.
Sirius gives Regulus his number, and then he leaves to meet Remus.
“So, are you headed home, then?” James asks.
“I guess.”
“Can I walk you back?”
Regulus blinks at him. “If you want.”
“I want,” James grins, relishing in the way Regulus blushes again.
How am I supposed to let him go?
Regulus covers Bubbles’ ears when they sit down in the tube, which James finds fucking adorable, and they don‘t really talk, just sit together, slightly closer than necessary, with Bubbles pawing at them.
When they arrive at Regulus’ stop, they get off and step into the fresh air again, Bubbles meowing loudly in approval.
James doesn’t know what comes over him but he wraps and arm around Regulus anyway, only realising when it’s too late.
Neither of them says anything and when James chances a glance at Regulus he sees his rosy-pink cheeks, staring intensely at the ground.
“Should I-”
“No.”
They both nod, and James looks away again, a small grin spreading on his face.
“So d’you live alone?”
“No, I have two roommates.”
“Oh, are they cool?”
“I wouldn’t know.”
James grins. “Don’t talk to them much?”
“Nope. I don’t think they like me much.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
Regulus looks at him, lips twitching.
Go on, love. Smile. I have to know.
Regulus looks away again.
His room is nothing like James thought it would be and somehow exactly what he expected at the same time.
There’s a desk in front of the large window, dark wood and covered in paint flecks and papers and pens and paintbrushes and little things like a dried flower, mugs, some rings here and there, and polaroids. They don’t have people on them, just aesthetic scenes, a street lamp in the rain, the sun rising over a city, wet cobblestones reflecting car lights.
Then there’s a bed, a wardrobe and an area on the floor with just pillows and blankets piled up. There are fairy lights on the walls, as well as pretty, hand-drawn swirls of colour and sparkles.
“So, um, this is my room.”
“I like it.”
“Do you… wanna sit?”
“Yeah,” James smiles.
It quickly slips back off when his chest erupts in the tingle, buzzing in his ears.
Regulus shudders slightly next to him and James aches.
I want to be yours.
Regulus pulls a laptop from under some pillow as they settle in the little pillow-area, Bubbles transforming into a loaf, melting perfectly into the pitch-black blanket she’s on.
“D’you wanna watch a movie?”
“Yeah, let’s.”
‘Let’s’? Really James?
Regulus logs into Netflix and they end up choosing Zootropolis, awkwardly lying next to each other.
James doesn’t know if he’s overstepping when he leans into Regulus slightly, but Regulus leans in, too, and eventually, they’re curled together under the same blanket, stifling they’re yawns.
After that night, they text even more than before. They go for coffee with Sirius twice in the next three weeks, and they go to the cinema together as well.
James still doesn’t know how he’s supposed to feel, but he tries not to think about it much.
He’s lying in bed, doing nothing, when his phone buzzes next to him. It’s nearly two a.m., and the cold winter air is even worse than usual tonight.
James picks up his phone and reads.
[regulus]: hiij
[regulus]: im sad
[regulus]: abd drunk
[regulus]: very drunj
[regulus]: aldo cold
[james]: where r u?
[james]: r u ok?
[regulus]: idk
[regulus]: im jn them psrk
[james]: dont move
[james]: im coming
He tries not to panic too much as he pulls on his jeans and sneakers, then grabs his keys and leaves the house without a coat.
The park next to Regulus house is a twenty minute walk from James’, but he manages it in ten with how fast he’s running. Regulus is probably fine, he tells himself. People get drunk all the time.
He finds him curled up on a bench, playing with his shoelace like it’s the most interesting thing in the fucking world.
“Reg?”
James carefully places his hands on regulus’ shoulder, gently pulling him up a little.
Regulus' eyes widen and he swallows, “Hi, James.”
Fuck. He really does look sad. He has tear stains down his cheeks and his eyes are glazed over.
“H-Hey, Reg. Let’s get you home, okay?”
James helps Regulus up, but the second he lets go, Regulus’ legs give out. He only barely catches him, and picks him up bridal style instead.
Regulus just hums and closes his eyes, his hand curling into James’ t-shirt.
Slowly, James walks towards Regulus’ apartment.
He shivers as he walks, but Regulus’ warmth pressed against his chest makes it slightly better.
Carefully, James manages to grab the key to the apartment from Regulus’ pocket without dropping him, and he starts climbing up the stairs.
When he opens the apartment door, James sneaks towards Regulus’ room, aware of his two roommates who are probably sleeping.
James lays Regulus down onto his bed gently, but he wakes up then, mumbling, “Don’t go.”
James’ chest aches. “Shh, Reg, it’s okay. Just go to sleep, I’ll stay right here.”
Regulus frowns, confused, and he blinks up at him blearily, holding up a hand and cupping James cheek with it.
James’ breath hitches, but he doesn’t know if it’s because of Regulus or the tingle that spreads through his chest.
He nearly chokes on how much this all fucking hurts, but then Regulus breathes out a soft, “oh,” and he smiles.
He smiles, and it’s the gentlest thing James has ever seen. It nearly has him in tears as his body lights up with a feeling of pure warmth.
You’re mine, his mind screams. I’m yours.
Jesus fucking Christ.
By the time James can even breathe again, Regulus is asleep.
He sits there, eyes wide, practically panting from how much he’s feeling, and promptly bursts into tears.
Fucking hell.
***
When Regulus wakes up, the first thing he notices is that something is different.
He’s not sure what, but it’s something about the way he feels, the way his breaths enter and leave his body, the way his heart beats.
He opens his eyes and rolls over, despite his headache, and freezes.
James fucking Potter is sleeping in his pillow-area, Bubbles lying on his chest.
Regulus swallows, his chest prickling with nerves and climbs out of his bed. He doesn’t remember anything from last night except feeling like shit because he’s going to be alone forever and buying a bottle of wine.
James looks soft as he snores with his mouth hanging open slightly. Regulus walks over to him, his blanket still hanging around his shoulder, and carefully sits down next to him.
He’s about to shake him awake when he pauses, his hand hovering just next to his shoulder. Instead of shaking him gently, Regulus moves his arm and lets his fingers card through James’ hair that’s fallen onto his forehead, holding his breath as his fingertips dance over James’ warm skin.
James hums slightly and shifts, his nose twitching. Regulus has the sudden urge to kiss it, and maybe it’s the difference in his bones today, but Regulus doesn’t even hesitate before he presses his lips against James’ nose, cheeks, forehead.
He can’t help himself as he leans his forehead against James’, breathing him in, feeling their skin pressed together.
When James’ eyes start flickering, Regulus pulls back.
“Reg?”
James yawns and sits up, blinking, and Regulus only just manages to relax his face into a neutral expression when his eyes open.
“Oh. Hi.”
Regulus just stares, his gut feeling odly bubbly.
James doesn’t say anything else either, and they sit their in silence. Something feels wrong, Regulus thinks, something is different.
He just has no idea what.
“I- We need to talk, Reg.” There it is. Something’s definitely happened.
“About what?”
“Um, something that… happened yesterday.”
“Okay.”
“Right, er, okay. So, um, this is awkward, but…” James trails off, lost in his head, and Regulus feels like he’s going to pass out from the nerves and the effort to hide them.
“James?”
“You smiled.”
Regulus blinks. “What?”
“You… smiled. At me.”
“I-”
“And, um, I just-”
“No-”
“I- no?”
“No, I can’t- No. This isn’t happening.”
Regulus feels his chest spasming as he shakes his head, tears in his eyes. No, no, no, no, no.”
He stands up, his entire body trembling and he hears James say something, but he can barely hear anything at all. “No, no, no, no, no. You- I can’t- you need to leave.”
“What? Regulus, wait-”
“No. You need to leave- I need- please, just- just get out.”
Regulus fumbles as he pushes James towards the door.
“Regulus, please, just-”
“I’m sorry.”
Regulus slams the door shut and collapses against it, crying.