09. Goodnight
||Elliana's P.O.V.||
A sigh escaped my lips as I entered my lone dorm and collapsed onto the bed. I hadn't realized just how behind I was in my wizarding studies due to attending a Muggle school... Knowing how much I had to catch up on caused my stomach to churn with anxiety.
In that moment, all I wanted was to be in Edward's arms. At the thought, I could feel my heart threatening to rip open as his face drifted through my mind. I was missing him more than I even thought possible. My body and soul were already noticing his absence.
As I laid there in my warm bed, preparing for sleep to pull me under, I felt undeniably cold. Numb. The only form of solace I had was the invisible string linking me to my mate who was an ocean away. Despite the vast distance, if I focused hard enough, I could feel our magical link pulsing through me. Although it provided comfort, it also ignited a dull ache in my chest. It was unrelenting and growing in intensity by the second.
"..Edward.." I whispered his name in the darkness, a solitary tear sliding down my cheek. "..I miss you.."
I wrapped my hand around the charmed heart-shaped stone hanging around my neck, focusing all my energy into it. He carried another stone in his pocket that was infused with the Protean Charm. No doubt, he could feel it heating up this very second. It was my way of telling him that I miss him... and that I'm okay. Even though the charm only worked one way, it still provided me with some form of relief. At least he knew my heart was aching for him...
The sound of someone knocking on the door of my dorm pulled me from my melancholy. With a heavy sigh, I released my vice-like grip on the stone and rose from the bed, slowly padding my way towards the door and opening it.
I was greeted with Cedric's stormy eyes and a sheepish smile.
"Ced." I looked at him in confusion. "..Is something wrong?"
He has never shown up at my dorm at such a late hour. Judging by his bewildered expression, something was on his mind.
"Mind if I come in?" He asked, peering over my shoulder with shifty eyes.
I stepped aside, granting him access to my room which he wasted no time stepping in to. He slithered past me, gently brushing against my side in the process. Sixth year me would have had a heart attack at the brief contact. But, alas, that was no longer the case.
"What's going on?" I didn't bother to disguise the worry in my voice as I looked him over.
He rocked back and forth in an anxious manner on the balls of his feet, looking anything but comfortable as he stood a good five feet from me.
"I... need to talk to you." His wavering voice gave away just how anxious he was.
His anxiety ignited my own.
"...About what?"
He pressed his lips into a thin line, his grey eyes peering into mine. "...About what you told me before the final challenge."
My heart dropped to my stomach, forming a giant intangible knot. I felt my face drain of all color as his words washed over me. This was quite literally one of the last conversations I wanted to be having right now..
"We don't..." I trailed off, shaking my head. "..We don't have to."
He was unperturbed, never missing a beat as he said, "We need to."
I ran a hand through my hair, tugging at my roots in exasperation as my eyes hesitantly met his. "There's... nothing to talk about, Cedric. Really."
He breathed out a wry laugh that was void of humor, looking at me in disbelief. "Yes, there is, Elliana."
I continued shaking my head, anxiously wringing my hands. "No, Ced, there isn't." I assured him. "That was.. That was seven months ago.. I know it seems like only yesterday to you, but I promise you— It's okay."
His jaw clenched. "No, it isn't okay. The way I reacted was completely unacceptable. You deserve more than an apology."
"It's okay," I breathed out for the second time, offering him a reassuring smile. "I get it. Really. There are no hard feelings whatsoever on my end. There never was."
His grey eyes glinted silver, peering into mine with a burning intensity. There was a strange emotion brewing in their depths— One that I wasn't accustomed to seeing in my best friend's eyes.
"Elliana..." He trailed off, my name seeming to linger on his lips. "Will you just hear me out?"
My heart felt like lead in my chest. Still, I nodded, speaking softly, "I'm listening."
He inhaled a shaky breath, a blush spreading across his cheeks. "When you told me... that.." He paused, licking his lips in a nervous manner before continuing, "I.. I was surprised, to say the least. I-I didn't know how to feel about it. I mean— I was with Cho and I.. I thought I was in love with her.."
I nodded in understanding, offering him a reassuring smile, knowing that his ex-girlfriend was a sensitive subject for him.
He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stand up on end. "..The truth is, I was.. scared. I was terrified that I would lose you if I didn't return your feelings. Absolutely terrified, Elliana. I-I didn't know how to process everything I was feeling at the time. I... I don't think I even knew what I felt. I was... stressed and angry and confused and... scared."
My heart lurched at the sight of his forlorn expression. His eyes were swimming with unshed tears, causing a lump to form in my throat as I, too, fought against the urge to cry. I took a step towards him, taking his hand in mine.
"Cedric, you were never going to lose me. That was never going to happen. That will never happen."
The faintest of smiles flickered across his lips.
I squeezed his hand in reassurance before continuing, "I chose the worst time possible to tell you, and I'm sorry. I didn't want to lose you either, Ced. I just... I had to get it off my chest, and I didn't see a way around it at the time. But I'm sorry for putting you in that position."
"You have nothing to apologize for," he was quick to say, his smile slowly growing. "You know ... Dying really puts things into perspective. When I first 'woke up', you were the first person I thought about. I always knew you were important, but I didn't realize to what extent..." He trailed off, his blush deepening.
"You're important to me too," I told him, staring into his eyes that were brewing up a storm. "So important. Our friendship means the world to me."
His smile wavered. "...I was stupid. I was.. such an idiot, Elliana. I mean— I still am."
"You are an idiot," I agreed with him, a teasing smile spreading across my face. "An idiot who was given a second chance at life..."
"A second chance that I'm grateful for... And you know what?" Taking a step closer to me, he stared into my eyes and continued in a soft voice, "..One of the things I'm most grateful for is you, Elliana. You're.. You're.. special to me.. And.. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through. I'm sorry for putting my stupid name in the stupid Goblet of Fire. I'm sorry for how I treated you. I'm sorry for letting you down. And I'm sorry for being the biggest idiot in the history of idiots."
I smiled softly, my heart clenching in my chest as I stared at the distraught face of my best friend. "..It's okay, Ced." My voice was a faint whisper as his eyes held mine hostage. "I mean it. I'm just.." A lump formed in my throat as I continued, "..I'm just glad you're back."
He caressed the top of my hand with his thumb as he held my gaze, staring into my eyes intently. "And I'm glad you're back.." A small smile spread across his cheeks. "..I was starting to worry I was going to have to sneak off and catch a plane to the States, there for a minute."
I breathed out a laugh, trying to make light of the situation. But deep down, I knew there was still more that needed to be said.
"..Cedric.." I whispered his name, guilt weighing me down as I stared up at him.
He had sacrificed himself to save me. Despite the fact that he was miraculously brought back, I still struggled with that guilt.
"..What?" He whispered back, leaning towards me, putting his face a bit too close for mine.
I allowed the closeness, knowing that he meant nothing by it. Seven months ago, my heart would have been soaring due to his proximity. But— My heart remained steady, for it no longer yearned for my best friend in that way.. It now belonged to someone else entirely.
And for that, I was grateful. Six years I had spent silently pining after Cedric. I wouldn't wish the pain of unrequited love on anyone. Now, I'd be able to be the true friend he deserved, without the complication of unreturned feelings.
"I just.." I inhaled a deep breath, holding it for a count as I tried to figure out exactly what I wanted to say. "..I want to thank you. For saving me.."
My eyes filled with tears as his own glazed over. Truly, I was still reeling from the fact that he was standing in front of me, alive and well. My head was having a hard time wrapping around the miracle that was Cedric.
He released my hand, only to bring his fingers to the side of my face, gently caressing my cheek as his lips twitched at the corners in the faintest of smiles.
"..Of course," he whispered, sounding slightly hoarse as his stormy eyes peered into mine with a strange intensity.
I shifted my weight from one foot to the other, dropping my gaze to the floor before hesitantly meeting his eyes once again. Speaking firmly, I said, "But promise me you won't do something like that again."
He breathed out a dry laugh, shaking his head as he dropped his hand from my face and folded his arms across his chest, still holding my gaze with a crooked grin. "Promise I won't do something as reckless as running into a monster-infested maze for a few moments of fame and a thousand galleons? ..Or promise not to save my best friend?"
"Both," I was quick to say, my expression stern. "Promise me you won't put your life in danger again. For any reason."
The thought of losing him again was unthinkable. I knew I couldn't survive that sort of pain a second time around.
His eyes narrowed, pursing his lips as though deep in thought before saying, "..Elliana, I can't promise something like that. There's a great war upon us, that I'm sure you're aware of.. And if it comes down to protecting someone I love, I can't say I wouldn't make the same decision again."
I should've expected nothing less. This was Cedric we were talking about, after all. He's as loyal and brave as they come. But the thought of him putting his life in jeopardy for any reason didn't sit right with me.
When he noticed my disapproving frown, he gave me a pointed look and said, "Don't tell me you wouldn't do the same. You were all too quick to charge into that bloody maze after me without any regard for your safety. You, of all people, should understand where I'm coming from."
He was right. Of course, he was right. I'd gladly lay down my life if it ensured the safety of my loved ones. There'd be no hesitation.
"..I do," I assured him, exhaling sharply out of frustration as I took a step back from him. "I do understand.. But that doesn't mean I like it." I closed my eyes, my chest aching at the memory of his lifeless eyes staring up at me in the graveyard. A moment passed before I added in a broken whisper, "..You have no idea what it was like to lose you."
A solitary tear slid down my cheek, and in an instant, he had his arms wrapped around me. I allowed myself to lean into the embrace, relishing the comfort he provided as I fought back the wave of tears threatening to escape.
He ran a hand through my hair, resting the side of his face on top of my head as he held me in his arms. "..I know," he broke the silence, his voice cracking with emotion. "..I know, Elliana. And I'm sorry for that. But I'm here now, okay?"
His words were meant to be soothing, but they were anything but. Yes, he was here now, and I was eternally grateful for that. But things weren't the same... Over half a year had passed since that tragic night. My heart had.. hardened. One could hardly go through that sort of pain and come out unscathed.
The fact of the matter was— I wasn't the same Elliana he once knew. I was no longer that shy, stuttering girl that had been head over heels in love with him. Don't get me wrong— I still loved Cedric deeply, but it was a different type of love now.
And for some reason, that very fact made me feel... guilty? Like I had betrayed him somehow. The thought was downright ridiculous. He never returned those feelings when I did have them, so why am I experiencing guilt for something that was for the better? Perhaps because he was entirely unchanged from seven months ago, and I was anything but.
"..I know you are," I whispered around the sudden lump in my throat.
When the embrace lasted for longer than I expected, I pulled away, staring up at him with a warm smile. "..So.. Can we just.. put it behind us?"
He knitted his brows, cocking his head. "Put what behind us exactly?"
I pulled my lower lip between my teeth, trying to figure out how to word it. "..You know.. What I told you before the last challenge.."
I was hoping to draw as little attention to that particular subject as possible.
His face fell as he looked at me, a frown pulling down his features. "..What?"
I inhaled a shaky breath, holding it for a count before slowly exhaling. "Can we just act like it never happened?"
His mouth fell open, a blank expression falling over his face. "You... want to forget about it?"
I was quick to nod. Finally, he was getting it. "Yes."
He blinked rapidly, looking a bit taken aback as he ran his hand through his hair. "I mean... If that's what you want," he mumbled, pressing his lips into a thin line and placing his hands in his pockets.
"It is," I assured him.
He stared blankly straight ahead as he whispered, "..Then consider it done."
A huge grin spread across my face before I threw my arms around his neck in an embrace. He wasted no time in wrapping his arms around my waist, molding my body against his. When his hands came to rest on my hips, I stiffened. Cedric has hugged me countless times, but it has never felt so... intimate?
I swiftly pulled away from him, putting some distance between us. I was certain that he didn't mean anything by the gesture, but it still didn't feel right.
"..Um.." I shifted my weight awkwardly, placing my hands behind my back. "..I'll see you at breakfast."
He furrowed his brows, narrowing his eyes at me suspiciously. "What's wrong, Elliana?"
"Nothing," I blurted out, desperately wanting to put an end to the conversation. "I'm just tired. It's past my bedtime."
Still, he stood there with his hands in his pockets, pursing his lips as he continued to study me like I was nothing more than an open book.
"..Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked, my voice wavering.
He shrugged in faux nonchalance, his eyes never leaving mine. "You just.. seem different is all.."
I dropped my gaze to the floor. Different. That's one word for it.
"Right," I breathed out, forcing a smile. "Well, I really should be getting to bed. I mean, I'm pretty tired.. So.."
Why did it feel so awkward all of a sudden?
I gestured towards the door, waiting for him to take the hint. Don't get me wrong— I loved spending time with him, but being alone with him in my dorm at midnight just didn't seem like the time or place.
He pursed his lips before walking towards the door, mumbling, "..Okay."
Just as he was fixing to close it behind him, he glanced over his shoulder, locking eyes with me. He appeared pensive, opening and closing his mouth repeatedly, as though there was something he wanted to say.
Several heartbeats passed before he released a deep sigh, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the doorknob and softly spoke, "..Goodnight, Elliana."
An unknown emotion swirled in the depths of his pupils that I couldn't quite make out. Perhaps it was the dim lighting playing tricks on me.
"Goodnight, Cedric," I responded, offering him a small smile.
He didn't even try to return the smile, his expression a blank canvas as he closed the door behind him with a 'click'.
||AUTHOR'S NOTE||
Don't worry, guys. We'll be hearing from our precious Edward soon 🥰 But we still have several chapters to go before the Cullens join us at Hogwarts. I gotta build up the suspense 😉 Ya'll should know by now that I live for the angst 😆😆
Rest assured, I have it all planned out just right... 😘
ALSO!! I've started working on an original story (which, for once, isn't based off a fanfic I've already written) that I'm super excited for! It's one of those alpha werewolf tropes, but it's going to be really good 😄 My ultimate goal is to be published one day (Hopefully, before I'm 30), so I'm trying to dedicate like 15-20 minutes every day to work on one of my original stories. Just wanted to let ya'll know 'cause I have no one else to tell 🤣🤣
Love you, mean it!! 💕💕