Most people couldn't understand it. Being a black, that is. And in that same way, they couldn't understand him. He was cruel for some, timid for others, perfect for most. But there was one thing that he never was, for anyone. And that was himself. That was an old family curse. Deep down, regulus knew that it was the same for his brother,no matter how much Sirius boasted about having friends who understood him, a family. It would all come crashing down in the end ,it had to. Not even James Potter ,who was universally acknowledged as the most understanding boy in the world, couldn't understand regulus in the end. So, regulus concluded that it must have been impossible from the very beginning. He shouldn't have been thinking about James. The love of his life had moved on, he'd gotten married to Evans ,that summer. (Of course. He always knew it'd be her,everyone did. James Potter would never end up with a boy. And if he had it wouldn't have been a boy like regulus) As he shut the door to his room for the very last time, he remembered that two years ago, he swore not to think about James. In less than 4 hours, regulus would be dead and he would never have to think about anything again. With that comforting thought, he got down the stairs. His mother-who was now less his mother and more the cause of all his suffering in his head- was sitting in her favorite armchair , in the middle of the parlor right below the stairs. She did that a lot these days. She just sat there, resting her head on her palm and thinking. "Regulus " she demanded when she saw him. "Where are you going?" Two years ago, he would have flinched. But now, he didn't. Her voice didn't feel the same, like..like it had lost its edge. Still, he didn't lie. If he lied,she would ask questions. He didn't want her to ask. questions. He wanted the last day of his life to be one where his mother-for once- doesn't bother him. "On a mission Mother" he says curtly. His tone is cold and tinged with spite. That was a tone he often took with her these days, ever since she started thinking. Oddly enough, She didn't seem to mind. There was a time when she would have had his head on a stick for that,as he reminded himself. She looked at him for a while, not saying anything. So, he naturally made the choice to just..leave. But as he was walking away, she grabbed his arm. "I have a bad feeling about today" she started, her tone tinged with a vulnerability that regulus had never seen before. He looked at her . "You should stop going to him, regulus " she pleaded."it's not good for you. " When he heard that, he seriously felt like his brain had been reduced to a tiny twig and that the twig had just snapped. He immediately got a violent thought. His mother lying in the middle of a road,him kicking her face until he could draw blood from every single angle of it. *really?* not good for him? How dare she say that, as if she didn't force him into this. She had said that she was going to bring Sirius back if he didn't comply. Did she not remember that? He had lost the love of his life, his life itself and a colossal part of his sanity to this situation, so how *dare* she blame this on him? "I'm afraid that I can't do that ,Mother " he continued, the coldness in his voice more visible. But she clearly had been thinking about this for a while because she continued. "Please, regulus"she argued, her voice breaking. If she wasn't his mother, regulus would have probably felt bad for her. "I was wrong . You're not a tool for anyone to use. Please believe that I was wrong!" She begged. "No, you weren't" said regulus ,not because he was trying to comfort her,but because she fucked him up so much that he physically couldn't handle to believe anything else. There was this memory from long ago, that was physically engraved in his skin. In that memory, he is 14. It's the night that Sirius leaves him . But he hasn't left yet. Their mother is cursing him. Regulus is standing behind the door. "You're a mistake " she tells Sirius. "*i* never make mistakes"." Sirius's screams fill the room. Regulus watches How does she think she can take all that back? ____ When she saw that that didn't work, she tried hugging him. She hugged him tight, in a way meant for newborn babies, not adults. There was a time when he would do anything for his mother to hug him. Now, he just felt disgusted. - Merlin, was there something really that wrong with him?- He flinched and yanked himself off her arms, focusing on walking towards the door. "Would it help if I told you that I love you?" She asked softly ,her defeat evident in her voice. Regulus opened the door. "Don't say that" he practically hissed as he walked out. He never came back.