April 1978
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together
-Better Together by Jack Johnson
"I'm huge, Remus whined, I can't possibly get any bigger. Nothing fits me anymore and I feel like the liagaments in my stomach are going to snap in half," he grunted in pain as Stella gave a quick kick to his ribs," You cut that out," he said poking her, she kicked back harder in retaliation.
It was a Saturday morning, the two had planned on going to Hogsmeade, but Sirius had a gut feeling that wasn't going to happen. Sirius cupped Remus's stomach," Dada is just grumpy right now," he whispered rubbing loving circles on his bump.
"And who said I wanted to be called Dada?" Remus said giving a questioning look.
Sirius didn't quite know how to respond, no matter his answer there was a good chance that Remus would be upset either way, Sirius stayed walking on eggshells the smallest things setting Remus off. "Well what would you like to be called?"
"Hell if I know," Remus said huffing and rolling his eyes, wanting a verbal fight more than he cared to admit.
Sirius was just happy he had dodged a bullet. "Come lay down, let me give you a back rub," Sirius said softly gesturing towards the bed.
Remus instantly melted, any frustration towards Sirius gone," How did you know my back was killing me?" he said walking towards the bed.
Sirius didn't point out that his walk was shifting more into a waddle by the day, he was sure James would and would likely suffer Remus's wrath. "Just a hunch Love."
Remus situated himself on his side, his head wresting on a pillow, as Sirius worked through the knots in his shoulder, and carefully worked on his lower back. Remus's whole body relaxed almost instantly. "You have such clever fingers," Remus said sighing.
"I know," Sirius said cockily, a hint of something sexual was definitely implied.
"Our daughter is treating my ribs like a jungle gym, I was oblivious to how much kicking would hurt," he groaned as he rubbed his bump trying to get the active babe to settle," I swear she never sleeps, the little wanker is up all night long."
"Maybe she'll settle soon," Padfoot said softly, as he moved a hand to started rubbing the spot where active feet had been moments prior.
She kicked his hand softly," Woa she is an active thing."
"That was a light one," Remus said sighing as he closed to his eyes," Could you dim the lights, my head is pounding?" Sirius quickly nodded, waving his wand to where the room was much darker.
Their daughter's activity levels quickly lessened," I think she wore herself out," Sirius said with a smile.
"It's about bloody time I didn't sleep at all last night," he said grumbling.
"That's not true you were snoring louder than a freight train last night for 2 hours."
"I do not snore?" Remus questioned.
"You do now," Sirius said laughing as he imitated Remus's snoring noises.
"It's not funny," Remus said his face growing hot as he felt embarrassed, sometimes he felt as if he body was no longer his own.
He was used to that a bit, once a month the beast taking over for the night. The wolf always itching under his skin, waxing and waning to the patterns of the moon, but Remus had eventually believed that he and the monster were the same. At times he felt like a werewolf in a boy's body, his words sharp, like the teeth of the beast. Always itching to come out when he got angry, ready to strike on any innocent being that stood in its way.
Pregnancy was different, the wolf was predictable, it made sense, hell they were mentally connected in some fucked up way, but a baby? Stella rolled around and tossed so unpredictably, his body rounding and swelling to show proof of the alien that was actually a baby inhabiting it. The way that everything down to his shoe size and color of his nipples had changed. The deep and dark stretch marks trailing up and down his stomach, all making room for the precious life inside of him. He still wanted to feel like himself, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't. And the crying gosh, he had never been much of a cry baby, but these past 6 months he had become a massive hormonal cry baby monster in Hogwarts robes and ever tightening jumpers he was in denial about. Even his face had become unrecognizable, where his face had swelled and his nose had grown.
Of course Sirius had handled every change in stride, and Remus loved the moving babe inside of him so much already, but the changes and hardships of pregnancy were starting to drive him mad. And once again he was crying," Oh Moons I'm sorry, I was just teasing I didn't mean to upset you," Sirius said softly rubbing his lower back.
"It's not you, I'm just so sick of being pregnant," Remus grumbled," And I'm so tired but also so restless with the full moon, I just-" he started sobbing.
Sirius held him, whispering small nothings in his ears until he calmed down. "Breakfast?" he finally asked when Remus's sniffling lessened.
At the mention of food Remus instantly stopped crying," I'm bloody starving," he started wiping his face.
"Alright let's find you some clothes and head on down," and so they did.
The rest of the group had already left by the time they went down, not that Remus was upset with a quiet breakfast. "I think we should still go to Hogsmeade, I'm running low on sugar quills and I would like some more chocolate frogs," Remus offered.
"Are you sure you're up for that?" Sirius questioned gently.
"I think so, my pace might be a bit slow, my hip is quite sore."
"I'll hold your hand the whole time Moony," Sirius said with a grin.
"We might still be able to meet up with the others for butter beers if we leave now," Remus said struggling to stand up from the table, his center of gravity having completely shifted.
Sirius made good at not mentioning it, Remus seemed embarrassed enough about everything.
They walked slowly to Hogsmeade, the trees had once again returned of their color, Remus enjoyed the fresh air and the view and the feeling of magic was heavy in the air, he could feel it thick around him and he instantly relaxed, feeling the best he had in days.
Sirius spoiled him greatly at Honeydukes, leaving with a massive pouch that would last a month if he was lucky, Remus had an insatiable sweet tooth. Peter had struggled showing his support, the boy being a bit awkward around pregnancy, but he had made sure Remus was never without a chocolate frog. He would randomly stuff them in his book bag when he thought Remus wasn't paying attention, and then would also gift him one the day after a full moon, the small act never went unappreciated.
They joined the group at the Three Broomsticks, they seemed quite surprised to see Remus, but Sirius threw them all a warning stare not to mention anything. Luckily everyone seemed to take the hint, so Remus happily sipped on his butter beer while sitting in between Lily and Sirius, Sirius's hand placed protectively on Remus's lower thigh. "So, when are you two thinking about getting married?" Mary asked.
Sirius took the lead on that," We're not having a big ceremony, if that's what you're asking. Sometime after Stella is born we plan on going to the Ministry, something small."
"Of course you all are more than welcome to come," Remus budded in.
"Bloody right we are," James said with a grin.
After a lovely evening chat, they all walked back, everyone being kind enough to stick with Remus's pace. Anytime he tried to push himself, or speed up, one of them would scold him," We don't mind taking a leisurely stroll Moony," Peter said walking happily beside James, and so eventually he gave in and allowed his friend group to baby him.
When Remus got back he was admittedly quite sore, but he had a lovely day, and dinner at the Great Hall was amazing. The apple crumble for dessert was just the cherry on top, he shamelessly helped himself to three slices. They skipped the common room for tonight, tomorrow would be a late night, and James and Peter had some homework assignments to catch up on. Sirius and Remus happily went up to their room, Sirius had gotten behind on his reading for Runes, so he sat in the bed while Remus rested his eyes, unsure if he ever managed to drift off.
.....
Remus was grateful he didn't have any classes, the wolf was restless under his skin, eager to break free for the night, he circled around the common room while his friends watched. "You're kind of waddling a bit now Moons," James commented, his voice completely neutral.
Lily smacked his shoulder," You can't just say that James."
"It was just an observation," James said rubbing his shoulder," I didn't mean anything by it Moons, honest."
"You're good mate," Remus said with a laugh," You'd be waddling to if you were me, I've essentially got a Cantaloupe strapped to me."
"Yea what are you carrying an extra 10 kilos?" Marlene asked.
"Something like that yea," Remus said plopping down next to Sirius with a huff.
Sirius quickly moved to where he was stationed in between Remus's legs, and started poking and prodding at his daughter trying to get her to move. Remus acted annoyed, but secretly he found it quite enduring. He just sat and watched amused, Stella eventually gave a massive kick and his stomach visibly moved. Sirius had the widest grin on his face, Remus on the other hand had cringed at the discomfort. James had apparently been watching cause he was staring at Remus mouth agape," Can I feel?" he asked his tone filled to the brim with excitement.
Remus motioned him over and together him and Sirius got her to do it again, the two teens buzzing with excitement. Remus tried to ignore them best he could and started reading some of the Grimms Fairy Tales, declaring that Stella would definitely not be hearing any of them.
Everything went fine the night of the moon, the wolf was extra clingy towards Padfoot, and it hadn't wanted to adventure too far into the forest. Changing back however was terrible, he screamed in agony as every vertebrae clicked back into place, the ligaments in his stomach felt painfully tight, there was a deep ache in his left shoulder, and neither of his hips seemed to be properly in place. Remus was uncertain if he could even stand, he laid on the floor moaning in pain, everyone was talking to him but he couldn't understand anything.
James and Sirius left in a furry, but Peter stayed going back into rat form. "Oh Remus," Pomfrey gasped at seeing his pained and whimpering form.
She quickly levitated him up to the Infirmary, it was early morning so no students were out. During his entire time at Hogwarts he had never had to be levitated, but he couldn't focus on that, the pain of everything was too much. He couldn't concentrate or pinpoint on where it hurt the worse, but he didn't have to, Pomfrey quickly gave him a sleeping drought and a painless sleep draped over him.
Peter had scurried behind, he would make sure Remus was alright before racing back down to the common room where Sirius was likely having a freak out. He had never seen Sirius so upset, it had taken a lot from James for him to leave Remus.
Pomfrey frowned as she did the diagnostic spell, but she quickly got to work. Peter was unsure of what she was doing, pushing on certain parts of Remus's body and then rubbing a concoction on others, but soon enough she seemed satisfied so he took that as good news and came back.
Before he had even made it back, Minnie was walking Sirius towards the hospital wing, his face was riddled with anxiety but the head of Gryffindor seemed to be soothing him, a firm hand on the small of his back. Remus was okay. He told James the little bit they knew and the boys slept for the few hours they had until classes started.
Remus woke up aching all over, his memory slowly pieced together him waking up in the shack floor, but he couldn't remember much just the blinding pain. He head ached, it felt as if someone was taking a chisel and attempting to break his skull in. He didn't bother to sit up, every inch of his body felt as if it was made of jelly, he opened his eyes and the world was much too bright. He let out a weak groan and he snapped them closed again. Soft hands were brushing his hair back," Moony," Sirius said quietly but the relief was evident in his voice.
Remus heard the familiar noise of Pomfrey's footsteps, and the sound of a curtain being pulled, he opened his eyes again, it was still too bright. He managed to put out a weak," Too bright."
The lights were instantly dimmed and he felt a vial pressed to his lips, he drank and his head quickly eased. He managed to keep his eyes opened this time. "Poor dear," Pomfrey said her voice laced in sympathy," Nasty moon wasn't it?" she asked softly.
Remus nodded, struggling to force anything to come out of his mouth. Stella suddenly gave a sharp kick to the ribs and he groaned, managing to lift a hand to rub it comfortingly, hoping she'd still. Sirius covered Remus's hand, his other hand still running through his hair. Sirius's face with heavy with sympathy and maybe even some guilt, it was hard to be certain.
"Neither of your hips set quite right, I popped them back into place, but I imagine there will likely be lasting pelvic pain. Your left shoulder is riddled in knots and a disc slipped out, so you need to minimize your lifting," she sat down on the chair next to him, he knew whatever she was about to stay he wasn't going to like," Remus I really think you should consider staying with Mrs. Potter for the remainder of your pregnancy. You're bed ridden for at least a week as of now, and walking around this huge castle isn't doing you any good."
Remus instantly started shaking his head," I don't want to leave my friends, and my studies-"
"They could visit you and your professors would work with you on finishing your classes from home."
Remus continued shaking his head," No, I'm staying."
"Remus maybe you should-" Sirius calmly tried to reason with him.
Remus was typically the reasonable one out of the two, but he was currently not feeling very reasonable," You just want to get rid of me don't you? Sick of dealing with your pregnant werewolf boyfriend? Want to make me Mrs. Potter's problem, fine I'll go," he huffed.
He wanted to turn over and bury his head under the covers but he couldn't. His words had hurt Sirius, his face was riddled with shock and frustration. Sirius took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down, he wanted to be reassuring but he was so frustrated by Remus's stubbornness and stupid assumptions. "Now Remus Lupin you know for a fact Sirius just wants the best for you and your little one,"
Pomfrey jumped in , shocked by the outburst.
Remus wasn't going to sit there and take this, despite everything, the aching joints and the fucked up shoulder, he rather slowly attempted to get out of bed. Both Pomfrey and Sirius were quick to try and stop him, he continued on smacking their hands away," Let me go, I need to pack."
"Remus please just lie back down," Sirius pleaded," We can talk about this when you've calmed down."
"When I've calmed down?" Remus's tone was furious, who was Sirius to say he needed to calm down," Fuck off Black, I don't need a baby sitter," he snapped as he painfully waddled/ limped towards his room.
Sirius went to follow him but Pomfrey stopped him," Give him some space love," she said giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
Sirius sighed and agreed, he didn't want Remus to be alone though she he went on the hunt for Lily, she would be able to talk to him.
Luckily for him, Lily was just leaving the dormitory when he found her. He quickly explained to her the situation and she seemed to understand what she needed to do. She walked a bit hesitantly towards where Remus was currently angrily packing his trunk, ignoring the ache of everything as he muttered under his breath obscenities about Sirius Black.
Lily didn't bother to knock, she let herself right in. Remus turned towards the door, obviously quite ready to argue, but when he saw it was Lily he stopped himself. "So, what are you up to?" Lily asked watching Remus shakily fold his clothes.
"Packing to go the Potter's since-" a choke caught in his throat and the tears were suddenly spilling out, he had absolutely no ability to stop them.
He dropped the knickers he had been folding and covered his hands with his face, thick ugly sobs causing him to gasp for air. Lily was quick to go and comfort him," Let's lie back down alright?" she commanded with a gentle firmness that only Lily Evans could pull off.
Remus surprisingly obeyed, wincing at the pressure in his hips as he sat down. Lily rubbed circles into his back," Remus I'm going to talk and you're going to listen, okay?" she kept a steady tone," No one wants you to leave alright, especially Sirius. He just wants what's best for you and Stella, that's all he's worried about. I know if he had the chance he would carry that baby for you in a heartbeat. I know you're in pain, and you're probably scared, but don't push Sirius away because of that."
Remus's breathing was still uneven and he struggled to catch his breath as he spoke," I- don't- want to- leave," he sputtered out a sob hidden in the back of his throat.
"And you don't have to okay? He just wanted you to consider it, but we'll figure it out here okay? All of us. Now you need to lay back down and get some more rest."
"I'm hungry," Remus said slightly managing to compose himself.
"Would it be okay if I sent Sirius up with food? He's worried sick about you?"
Remus nodded, dreading the apology he owed Sirius.
Lily left, and Sirius showed up about 20 minutes later with two heaping plates of food. Remus's face was still tear stained. "I'm sorry Pads," Remus sniffled out as soon as Sirius entered the room.
Sirius put the plates down on the large desk in the corner and approached him, sitting beside him as he wrapped his arms around Remus," I would never want to get rid of you alright? If you left I'd worry myself sick being away from you, but I'm just worried about-"
"I know," Remus gasped out the air in the room feeling much too thin," But I'm gonna stay here alright, I'll find a way to take it easy. This is my last semester and I can't be away from you, I can't handle it. I'm scared Sirius, I'm so bloody frightened it's not funny," his voice sounded so small.
"I'm scared to you know," Sirius whispered," I've seen you in pain before, but never that bad. I felt so bloody useless, and I just-," he wrapped his arms so tightly around Remus and squeezed just so relieved to have him right there underneath his finger tips," I love you so much Remus it psychically hurts."
Remus couldn't hold back his tears anymore and started sobbing again, he kept sobbing out
muffled apologies, his tears staining the front of Sirius's band t-shirt. Sirius rubbed his hands up and down his band and whispered sweet little nothings until Remus's sniffles quieted down and Remus kept staring off at the plates of food that were quickly growing cold. Sirius understood, and retrieved it. Remus ate quickly before laying back down, sleep overtaking him easily.
The next week was interesting... everyone had insisted they took shifts so Remus was very rarely alone, however on the odd day where everyone's schedules aligned, the door would somehow open and a small black cat would come into his room. It would sometimes perch on his dresser and just watch, so quiet, so calm. Most of the time it stayed curled up on his legs, or on his side, but there was always one little paw that would rest itself on his noticeable bump. Stella always stilled when the little black cat was around. Always.
Sometimes the little black cat would hide under the bed and stay when other company was over, specifically Sirius. Other times it would seemingly just disappear, never allowing anyone but Remus to notice its presence. Its presence was a welcoming yes puzzling sight to Remus, but he always awaited the nearly daily visits.
It was nice that everyone visited him, Peter was visiting Remus every other day. Remus would usually help him with homework, but other times that would play chess and eat more sweets than what should have been humanely possible. Peter would always hide the wrappers before anyone else could see the evidence, and they would usually both be doubled over laughing, as Peter was always catching Remus up on the small that interesting background drama that took place in Hogwarts.
This week the tea had been about Barty and Evan getting caught fucking in the janitor's closet. Barty's father had been an angry mess and had sent an embarrassing howler at every opportunity, of course Barty wasn't ashamed and had made multiple moves of PDA with Evan all across the classroom, just fueling his father's disappointment.
Sirius and Remus's room had turned into a study room of sorts in the evening, with everyone piled around reading and writing for different classes. By the seventh day Remus was way ahead in all of his classes and all but tempted to climb the walls. His hips still protested with every step, but he'd manage, he just desperately needed a walk, even if it was just around him small room.
On the seventh day Remus waddled his way down towards the hospital wing, Sirius was right beside him with a supporting hand on his lower back. The short walk was quite frankly exhausting for Remus who felt as if he would never be able to breathe in enough air, they had to stop several times just for him to catch his breath. Pomfrey did not clear him, in fact she heavily hinted to him staying at Mrs. Potter's again, though he ignored it.
Remus wasn't on bedrest though, he was told to take it extremely easy. Pomfrey had taken the liberty to talking to his professors, who had all been more than willing to accommodate. One of the marauders would get his homework and give it to him, all he had to do was the assignments and focus on letting Stella cook.
Babe
There's something wretched about this
Something so precious about this
Where to begin?
-From Eden by Hozier