May 1978 (Baby Time)
I would not change it each time (I would not change it each time)
Heaven is not fit to house a love (Heaven is not fit to house a love)
Like you and I (like you and I)
-Francesca by Hozier
"What are you doing," Sirius grumbled waking up to the sound of Remus opening drawers.
"Warning my fiancé that he should tread lightly with his words," Remus said his voice coated with frustration and he struggled but eventually succeeded in putting his pajama pants on, bending over and reaching seemingly impossible these days," Fuck these stupid shoes," Remus growled failing to bend over to put them on, he ended up kicking them across the room which then caused him to get a charley horse in his lower leg.
He leaned on his dresser mumbling a large strand of cuss words. Sirius all but flew out of bed trying to comfort Remus who swatted him off. The pain was quickly gone but his frustration with everything was not. "What are you doing Moony?" Sirius asked, his tone very tranquil as he approached with caution.
"I just wanted some stupid cauldron cakes," Remus said his voice slightly hysterical," But with this bowling ball strapped to me I can't do anything by myself, and Merlin I'm so out of breath from doing absolutely nothing."
Sirius nodded," How about I go, you wait here, I'll be back in less than 10 minutes okay?"
Remus nodded," And some pumpkin juice please?" his tone was a lot calmer now.
"And some pumpkin juice," Sirius said his voice very soft.
With that he quickly put on his shoes and walked out the door. Remus decided to go to the bathroom for the 20th time that night. Sirius came back rather quickly, and they sat on the edge of their bed in silence, enjoying cauldron cakes and pumpkin juice.
Sirius was the one to break the silence as he watched Remus shove another cauldron cake into his mouth, his shirt was pulled up slightly revealing his bump. Sirius realized right then that Remus was the love of his life. He usually didn't take kindly to being woken up, but for his Moony it was worth it. The content look on Remus's face, how his scars were illuminated by moonlight, and the way he looked so gorgeous carrying Sirius's child, he would do anything for the man sitting beside him. He'd walk through heaven and hell just for one last kiss, Moony was the only person he wanted to go home to, and despite everything that boy was home to him. "I love you Moonshine," he whispered, and you could tell with every syllable that he so earnestly and desperately meant it
"You're helpless," he snorted as he rested his head on Sirius's shoulder," But I love you too," his voice was soft and full contentment.
.......
Remus was going to smother Sirius in his sleep, he was certain of it. Sirius had to audacity to be sound asleep while Remus was suffering the worst heartburn in his entire life, doubled with the insomnia. Remus just wanted to shake him senseless, because it wasn't fair. Deep down he was aware he wasn't being all that understanding but god he felt crazy.
He struggled to get out of bed, finding the momentum to swing all the extra weight up felt impossible, and his long limbs just made everything so much more awkward.
He managed to get up and took some antacids which only slightly numbed the burning in his chest. Mary had mentioned that being a sign of long hair, which made him want to strangle Sirius even more because that was his fault, this was all his fault. He used the restroom before laying back down, every position seeming more uncomfortable than the rest. Sirius stirred slightly but Remus was having a hard time giving a fuck. Eventually he got cozy, and was so close to sleep when Stella kicked him directly in the bladder. His gasped in horror as he felt an unfamiliar wetness, oh God, Remus Lupin had just pissed his pants.
Maybe he should kill Sirius so one ever knows that he as an adult wet himself. He tried to stand up, he was just going to use a quick cleaning charm and then changing his clothes so all the evidence was gone. About the time he had managed to haul himself to his feet, a charley horse came out of no where. He cried out in pain as he slammed in the nearby chair, barely keeping up right. The pain soon subsided, but he had woken Sirius (who had jumped up from bed and was looking at Remus with eyes full of pure panic).
Fuck, how was he supposed to explain himself? He promptly burst into a fit of tears, the frustration, aggravation, and lack of sleep catching up to him. Sirius goes to comfort him but Remus does everything in him to stop, sobbing harder when Sirius gets closer to him, the evidence of it all filling him with a deep shame.
Sirius eventually looked down and he understood completely, he muttered a cleaning charm and their bed was cleaned. He then backed away from Remus and started rummaging through his drawers, before pulling out a clean pair of jammies, he then locked eyes with Remus. When things were too much or too embarrassing for Remus he tended to shut down, throughout their years together Remus and Sirius had mastered having silent conversations. They were able to speak a language through only eye movements and slight head tilts. Remus instantly calmed, managing to subside his tears and properly clean himself. Sirius had promised to take this to his grave.
......
"There's no way I'm surviving another 5 weeks of this," Remus groaned from the pile of pillows he was using to attempt to help the aching in his hips.
His new opening had finally developed and the Braxton hicks had started soon after. Remus was beyond miserable. It felt like Stella had no room, and she was constantly doing massive flips, not wanting to keep her head down like she was supposed to. Remus was so warm, he was wearing a thin pair of night pants and a t-shirt that fit him a bit too snuggly for his liking, but he was running low on options.
The kicks and punches had went from something amazing to something painful. Remus's body felt as if it had been taken over by a tiny alien that was set on coming out of his stomach, that's the only way he could justify the strength of the kicks. He rarely left the common room, he was convinced he was a fat ugly monster that he didn't want anyone but his friends to see. Once or twice he wished he would have taken the offer with the Potter's, he desperately wanted to see the nursery, to be hidden from public view.
Sirius was unsure what to say to him, so he decided on a sympathetic glance and keeping his mouth shut. Luckily Sirius was saved by the bell as James and Lily entered the room. Sirius all but threw himself into James's arms crying about how much he had missed him.
"It's been 2 hours Sirius," Remus said with a miffed sigh.
"That's so many hours," he said dramatically as he fake fainted into James's arms.
"So many," James emphasized, holding Sirius close as he ,a bit too sensually, tucked his hair behind his ear.
"I don't understand why you don't just date each other," Lily said with a sigh cozying herself up near Remus," How are you holding up by the way?"
"Same as yesterday," he said with a wince as he was given a firm kick to the rib cage.
James and Sirius were very dramatically fake snogging, their fake noises filled the room. "I think we should ignore the two," Lily said rolling her eyes.
"I don't know, I'm worried this is going to turn into real snogging if we don't stop them now," Remus said with a chuckle," Don't want to be a single parent ya know, but I'm about to be if someone doesn't stop fake fondling James Potter," Remus said raising his voice slightly towards the end so Sirius could here him.
"Alright alright, I'm all yours Moony Mine," he said sticking his tongue out playfully.
"Maybe in another life," James says dramatically as he throws himself into the desk chair placing the back of his hand to his forehead, till he retrieved his quill and parchment as he started working on his Transfiguration essay.
"I better start on that to," Sirius sighed going to fetch his things.
"It's due tomorrow you two," Lily said staring at them incredously.
"Why is the bloody window opened it's freezing in here?" James blurted out after a minute.
"James," Sirius said trying to warn him.
"If you don't like it, you can put on a blanket," Remus said borderline about to crash out.
"Sorry Moony," James said sheepishly as both Remus and Sirius partnered up and got to work on their papers.
"Muppets, the both of them," Remus chuntered to himself.
Lily snorted," And yet we fancy the both of them."
"I've always been a glutton for punishment," Remus said with a soft smile as he closed his eyes and relaxed, life was as it should be with his "pack."
....
"Madam Pomfrey, something's wrong, we need to go to St. Mungo's."
Remus whimpered in pain, laying on the cold floor of the shack huddled in a ball. He was completely naked minus the blanket Sirius had thrown on him. Sirius had put Remus' head in his lap, and was playing with his sweat dripped hair, coaxing him to wake up. The stress from the transformation must have sent him into early labor, their baby was supposed to stay put for at least another month.
Fuck, his hips and back ached cruelly, and there was this sharp sensation in his stomach. His joints felt like cooked pasta, transforming back and forth and being heavily pregnant was cruel, his body couldn't properly click his newly widened joints back in place, the rapid development too much for his cursed condition to keep up with, he let out a whimper of pain.
"Sirius what are- oh Remus," she kneeled beside his form, his arms clutched protectively around his middle.
"The transforma- fuck," he moaned as his muscles tightened to contract," I think I'm in labor," he hissed as the tightness in his body released.
"Can you stand?" Madam Pomfrey asked.
"I don't know, but I can try."
With the help of both Madam Pomfrey and Sirius he managed to get to his feet. His left hip was even more wonky than usual, and their was an almost blinding pain in his back. They managed to help him slip his clothes on so he was once again decent, as he leaned heavily into Sirius, unsure if he would be able to stand up on his own. "Okay off to St. Mungo's we go, hold on," the kind nurse said as she also helped to support some of the pregnant boy's weight.
Remus currently hated the feeling of being sucked in a tube, it doubled all the aches and pains that were running rampant through his body. When his feet hit solid ground, his weird and lanky body still leaning into Sirius, he threw up all over the white floor, his knees buckling in the process. The two barely managed to keep the poor boy up. "Sorry," he murmured weakly, if he wasn't so knackered he would have likely found himself extremely embarrassed but it was hard to focus on anything other than the aching of his entire body and how heavy his eyelids felt.
Remus wasn't really sure about the process of events, but he soon found himself in an ugly white hospital gown, with the open back, his knickers and scars exposed to the world. Madam Pomfrey had left the two young adults by themselves. Before leaving Madam Pomfrey had ran a diagnostic on his hip and had managed to halfway pop it back into place so that wasn't bothering him as bad. A nurse had rubbed some sort of ointment on his lower back and that had also alleviated most of his back pain, and his contractions were few and far between so he was finally able to welcome sleep's warm embrace, especially after knocking back a sleeping draught.
He woke up to a contraction that was more intense than the others, they weren't yet painful just extremely uncomfortable, he was used to pain but this pain was more foreign. Sirius was asleep in the chair beside him, feet propped on the end of Remus' bed, his head tilted forward and his hands folded across his arms. It must have been a few hours, but he wasn't quite sure when exactly he had arrived there.
Suddenly a tall, slender woman, with dark black hair walked in. "Glad to see you're awake love," she then flicked her wand and starting reading the diagnostics," Oop, you're definitely in labor. Baby is a bit too early, but not early enough for us to try and prevent anything, if everything goes well she should be just fine. Vitals are strong and the little one is already down in position. How are you feeling Mr. Lupin?"
"M alright, nothing too bad yet," he said giving a half hearted smile, Sirius startled awake upon hearing Remus's voice.
"Did I miss anything?" he asked wide eyed looking frantically around the room.
The nurse giggled at him," I'm just checking in on this one right here," she turned back towards Remus, "I know this is a bit awkward, but I do need to check your dilation."
Remus paled slightly at the idea of a stranger looking down at his nether regions, Sirius was quick to grab his hand, giving a reassuring squeeze.
Remus nodded and stood up so he could take his knickers off, the process was more exhausting than he would have liked to admit. Upon standing however, he realized a very distinct weight on his pelvis that had not been present the night before, it was quite unpleasant to say the least. He managed to get himself back on the bed and took a deep breath as he allowed this random stranger to stick her fingers up his opening. The sensation was slightly uncomfortable, but she was trying very hard to be gentle. "Just so you know, pushing time is around 10 centimeters, you're at 2. Still a ways to go, but you're doing great Mr. Lupin," she said as she stood up and removed her gloves as Remus quickly maneuvered his legs back down and nodded," Alright love, I'll be back soon to check on you, call for Saige if you need anything," she said leaving the room.
"Sirius we don't have anything here," Remus said eyes wide with panic," And how am I supposed to finish classes, this wasn't supposed to happen," he said grabbing his chest as he tried to calm himself down from his panic.
"Let's calm down right now okay?"
"Easy for you to say, you're not the one that has to push a baby out of your nether's," Remus said looking at him incredulously at how daft Sirius could be sometimes.
"Fair enough," he pulled the two way mirror out of his pocket and started talking in hopes of getting James's attention.
It worked," Padfoot! Is Moony okay?"
Sirius aimed the mirror towards Remus who looked as if he was one more stupid phrase away from killing his fiancé," Well Stella is going to be here just a bit sooner than we thought."
Remus could hear Lily's gasp before she quickly took charge," James you floo Effie and let her know, I'm going to grab some toiletries for those 2 and drop them off. I'll be back soon love," she was gone before James could even argue.
"Guess I'm flooing Mum then," James said with a laugh," She should be there soon, mirror me if anything happens alright. Good luck Moony, I'm so excited to meet Stella!"
"Bossy that one, isn't she?" Sirius asked staring at Remus.
"At least she's good at taking charge," he then started wiggling himself off of the bed.
"What are you doing?" Sirius asked with his brows furrowed.
"Shower," Remus said his voice sounding slightly pained.
Sirius was quick to help him up, though Remus was a bit grumpy about it," I'm not inept," he had sighed.
Sirius ignored his protests and grumbles, he knew Remus had to be scared shitless, cause fuck, he was scared shitless. He didn't even point out how extreme Moony's waddle was, which frankly he found hilarious. "We're going to be parents Moony," he had whispered as Remus managed to get in the shower. letting the warm water wash over him.
"I'm scared," Remus had whispered, so quietly he was certain Sirius couldn't have heard it.
Effie's voice could then be heard in the room, searching for the two," I'll be right-"
Remus quickly threw the curtains back and grabbed Sirius by the wrist," Don't leave me," he said with wide eyes, he looked so small and all Sirius wanted to do was take him and hide him away, they could deal with all of this scary stuff later.
Sirius nodded," I'm not going anywhere, I'm just going to let her know you're in here and that we'll be right out."
Remus nodded, still hesitant to release his grip on Sirius, but he did. He finished quickly, and Sirius handed him a towel," I was hoping Lily would be here by now so I could wear some of my old clothes," he had grumbled looking distastefully at the ugly hospital gown.
Suddenly Lily's voice could be heard talking to Effie, Sirius glanced at Remus and he nodded before exiting. He returned back rather quickly with a pair of sweats and one of his own oversized band t-shirts. Remus could have cried at how thoughtful it was, Sirius's clothes always brought him so much comfort, the scent was always so strong thanks to the wolf part of him. Sirius wordlessly helped him get dressed before they made their way out.
Lily threw her arms around his neck in excitement, he had to bend down slightly to manage. Of course she pulled her small camera out and took a picture of him despite the protests, she then quietly whispered," You got this Remus," into his ear and honestly that was the type of encouragement he really needed at the moment," Petey and James are all but bouncing across the halls of Hogwarts," she laughed as she let them go.
"I'll mirror as soon as she's born!" Sirius said with enthusiasm.
"I think we've still got a ways to go, I'm only 2 centimeters and my waters haven't even broke yet," Remus sighed struggling to contain how overwhelmed he truly felt.
Lily looked at the clock on the wall and sighed," I really must be going," she pulled Remus into another hug and then waved Sirius and Effie good bye as she ran off.
Effie could see right through Remus's charade," Would you like to see what I've brought Dearie?" she asked with a warm smile.
Remus nodded as the walked towards the bed, a contraction causing him to stop and brace himself on Sirius as he took deep and steady breaths," Good job Moons," he whispered encouragingly as he rubbed his lower back.
It was over soon enough and they continued. Effie had brought an assortment of onesies," I wanted you to pick which one she goes home in," she had said with a soft smile," I'm glad I bought some preemie clothes, I bet she'll be tiny, especially since she's been measuring just a bit small.
Remus smiled at Sirius and mouthed a quiet thank you, for keeping Effie so up to date on everything, because quite frankly he had forgotten, with everything else lettering to Effie had completely left his mind. The smallness of the onesies made everything feel so surreal, this was really happening. A small alien he had been growing for months was going to come home with him, and he would be responsible for keeping the booger alive. He was in the hospital in active labour, and this was all because of his transformation as a werewolf. Even growing her he wasn't able to keep her safe like he was supposed to, how was he supposed to do that. The world was huge and unpredictable, and he was an 18 year old monster.
The air in the room was much too thin and suddenly Remus could not get enough of it, no matter how much he gasped for air. He came to with Sirius gripping his face and taking deep breaths, Remus mimicked him and eventually his breathing steadied and he calmed down enough to speak," I can't do this, let's go home, back to Hogwarts yea?" he asked Sirius as he started repacking all the things that Effie had laid out.
"Erm?" Sirius said really at a loss for words.
Thank Merlin that Effie was there," Remus, luv, look at me," her voice was firm and Remus couldn't of ignored her if he had tried," As much as I wish Stella had more time to cook, you can't just keep a baby in. It'll come out one way or another, so why don't we take a deep breath and get something to eat, I bet you're starving yea?"
Remus nodded slightly, stuck in place with a small onesie balled tightly in his fists," Anything in particular you're wanting? This might be your last meal for a while, the skies the limit luv."
"Some beef chow mein sounds amazing right now," he said after a few seconds, his mouth watering at the thought.
"Anything for you Sirius?"
"I'll take some chicken chow mein and 2 sides of egg rolls," he said glancing over at Remus.
Effie smiled," I'll be right back you two. Sirius don't let him go anywhere alright."
"I'm staying right here," Remus grumbled unpacking the onesies and inspecting them all carefully.
Remus was hit with another contraction soon after, he steadied himself on the bed and rocked his hips slightly, Sirius gently grabbing his hips to steady him and whispering soothing nothings to try and distract him. "How was that one," he asked when Remus stood up again continuing to stare at all of the onesies.
"Could be worse, they'll certainly get worse." He turned around and threw himself into Sirius's chest, having to be rather sideways to accommodate his bump, he clung onto Sirius desperately," This shouldn't be happening," he whispered," We should have had more time, but-" he couldn't bring himself to say it.
"Oh Moons, this isn't your fault. Stuff like this happens all the time, and we don't have to wait any longer! We're going to meet our daughter so soon," the excitement in his voice melted all of Remus's fears away," I'll be by your side all the way alright?" he pressed a kiss to Remus's cheek.
Saige suddenly returned into the room again, her eyes bright. She casted another diagnostic spell," Contractions are becoming more regular now, every 10 or so minutes, that's good," she mumbled to herself," Alright I would like to strap this little monitor to you and baby, it'll strap around your stomach, I just want constant diagnostics on the baby. It will beep if baby's heart deep drops or anything of that nature and my wand will alert me."
Remus nodded in agreement and she started hooking him up, he was still standing, Sirius keeping a firm hand on his lower back. The monitor looked a bit ridiculous, the outline obvious under his shirt, but now was definitely not the time to be worried about how he looked. Though he was soon distracted by the smell of Chinese and then Effie was coming into his room, he could have died of happiness on the spot. Saige left without a word, and the 3 of them sat and enjoyed Chinese. Remus and Sirius sat on the bed, and Effie was in the small chair right beside them. Remus did in fact eat both sides of Sirius's egg rolls, even though only one had been meant for him. Sirius happily let him, only teasing him slightly about it.
"What was your birth like?" Remus finally asked the question had been loaded in the back of his throat for a while.
"It wasn't great if I'm honest," she had a slight frown as she spoke," I labored for 18 hours, and James being the stubborn boy that he is ended up flipping himself out of birthing position. He would've been born butt first, but his heart rate ended up dropping and I had to have an emergency c-section. He was healthy though and now I have a grown man that still manages to keep me on my toes," she talked about her son so fondly and with so much love it made Remus ache a bit in his chest.
Remus nodded, his anxiousness still not at ease. Another contraction hit him suddenly and he couldn't stop the small groan that escaped his lips as he clutched desperately onto the bed sheets," If she comes out looking like you after all of this I'm going to be bloody pissed," he said with a sigh.
"Is this a bad time to mention that Black genes are pretty strong?"
"Very," both Effie and Remus said at the same time.
Effie stood up and started throwing the trash away," I suppose I'll let myself out then luvs, I'm sure Lily or James will-"
"No Effie wait," Remus's eyes were wide and he looked so scared again," Please stay please," his pleading was almost hysterical.
"Are you sure?" she asked," I'll stay, but if at any point you want me gone-"
"I just want someone here that knows what's happening. We're clueless and I'm-" he couldn't make himself voice his fears, he was supposed to be brave, he was about to be a parent," I need you Effie," he sounded so small.
"Oh Remus, I'm not going anywhere," she rubbed his back softly standing behind him as she looked around the room studying everything," You know I was a nurse once upon a time? I used to work here, not on this floor, but I know my way around."
"I didn't know that," Remus said curiosity in his voice.
"Ditto," Sirius said curiosity even more prominent.
"I was a triage nurse, I elevated patients and put them on the right floor," she smiled happily," Of course when James came along I cared for him full time, but I remember it like it was yesterday."
Remus suddenly grimaced and started rubbing his lower stomach and back. "Another one?" Sirius asked worried.
"Just a cramp, I just need to stand," he said struggling to shift himself up.
"Here Moons, let me help," he said offering both hands.
Remus did in fact take the help and started waddling around the room," This is so bloody boring," he groaned.
"Lily brought you some books or-"
"Why don't be go on a walk luv? I've got a place I think you'd like."
"Is that okay?" Remus asked worried about something happening.
"We're not leaving the hospital Remus, we won't even leave this floor."
He nodded and waddled along beside her, one hand supporting his lower back and the other on his lower stomach trying to relieve any of the pressure that was slowly consuming him. He had to stop a few times just to catch his breath, and once to prop himself against the wall at another contraction. "Hour 8 and your contractions are already 9 minutes apart!" Sirius said struggling to withhold his excitement.
"Yay," Remus said unenthusiastically as he continued onward, this time with Sirius holding his lower back as he leaned slightly into him.
Eventually they came upon a big glass window, with small little clear boxes inside. Upon closer inspection Remus realized that this is where they kept the babies. There was at least a dozen of them in an array of pink or blue hats and swaddled tightly in blankets. Remus pressed a hand softly to the glass and stared in wonder, one of these wiggly little things was going to be his, Stella suddenly gave a swift kick at the top of his stomach. It was painful, but it filled him with a determination that he needed, he realized that even though he was terrified he wanted her in a way he had never wanted anything before.
If Sirius would have been Padfoot, his tail would have been wagging wildly. His face lit up at all the little things, and he was fidgeting with his thumbs trying to contain his excitement. Despite all of the discomfort and pain he was in, the sight filled Remus with happiness. He held his hand out, and pulled Sirius close, who so dutifully snuggled into him. Sirius then started fidgeting with Remus's fingers, running his thumb along his knuckles as he smiled such a dazzling smile. On second thought, Remus hoped their baby did look like Sirius, so he could fall in love with all of his favorite features a second time.
The eventually walked back after Remus had another contraction that had him groaning in discomfort, gripping Sirius's hand and the front of his shirt as he tried to take deep breaths. It was all somewhat easier though, knowing the outcome was going to be a sweet little pink bundle with chubby cheeks. "You're doing great," Sirius had whispered when it was over, all Remus could do was nod in return.
They were about 5 steps from the room was Remus was suddenly aware of a wetness in his lower area. There was no hiding this, not here, not now. He whispered to Sirius," I think I just wet my pants."
"Oh your waters!" a familiar voice appeared behind them, and suddenly Saige was in the room.
Remus was suddenly kicking himself for never completely reading a labor and delivery book, but in his defense he thought he had another month. "My waters?" he asked a bit confused.
"As baby moves down, the amniotic fluid that baby was swimming in, busts. Your contractions should be more intense, but this usually means you're making good progress. If you lay back on the bed I can check your-"
"Bloody- fuck," Remus groaned as he struggled to breath through his next contraction, he was trying not to stay quiet but couldn't stop the noises that escaped his lips.
He leaned forward as he held onto Sirius and rocked his hips back and forth," Okay now?" Sirius asked softly.
"Mmm fine," Remus grumbled as he continued to rock his hips back in forth," This pressure is fucking awful, fuck," he said unable to find any bit of relief.
"If you lay down I-"
"I'm not getting back in that fucking bed," Remus growled his grip tight on Sirius's shoulders.
"It'll be easier-"
"I don't fucking care, check me or don't."
"But-"
"Are you going to listen to him or not?" Effie said seemingly unhappy with how pushy Saige was being.
"Okay, no bed for you Mr. Lupin. Um why don't you brace yourself against the bed frame, and Dad will help you slip out of those pants."
"Should I step out?" Effie asked softly.
"No," Remus said almost immediately as he reached out to grip the bed post, panic evident in his voice.
Effie nodded her head and stood beside him, rubbing his upper back softly as Sirius helped him out of his soaked undergarments. Remus's ass was out for the entire room to see, but truthfully he could not have given less of a fuck. "Alright Mr. Lupin, can you move your hips back and spread your legs slightly," Remus did so wordlessly," Okay checking you now," he felt her fingers briefly, but compared to everything else that was nothing," Wow you're already at 5 centimeters, won't be too long now."
"Is there any pain relief Remus should know about?" Effie asked the nurse.
"I'm assuming he doesn't want the epidural?"
"I'm not getting in that fucking bed for you to stick a bloody needle in my back," Remus groaned as he continued shifting his hips back and forth desperate for any relief.
"We do have gas and air, it's really just to help focus on your breathing during contractions but it's really quite nice."
"Okay," Remus said panting a bit.
She then handed him a funny looking contraption that had a piece for him to suck on," There's really no limit so use it as much as you like alright. I'll be back to check on you soon, call if you need anything Mr. Lupin."
Remus gave a grunt in acknowledgement. "Want to get some pants on Moons?" Sirius asked softly.
"I want to clean up a bit first if that's alright."
"Of course ma lune, let's go run you a quick shower."
Effie smiled at the two fondly, they had both shaped up to be fine young men in her opinion.
Remus came out of the shower looking exhausted, he had settled on just wearing knickers, no sense in ruining another pair of pants. The contractions were now around 8 minutes apart, and Remus's husky, animalistic groan would fill the room every-time, not that either of them minded, Effie had actually encouraged him to make any noises that he needed. "This fucking sucks," Remus had declared after a particularly painful contraction.
"Is there anything you need?" Effie had asked softly afterwards.
"Some ice or something maybe, I don't know," he was still rocking his hips back the pressure constant.
Effie left the room going on her mission," I think I want to sit down," he said to Sirius glancing around the room looking for something.
"Wait I saw this ball thing in one of the muggle books I had read," Sirius said looking around the room for something he could transfigure," he settled on a baby bottle he had found in a dresser," It bounces a bit and you can roll around," he said with a big smile showing Remus his amazing transfiguration technique.
He helped Remus sit on it and Remus allowed himself to rest his head on the side of the bed," You're brilliant Sirius, you know that? Bloody brilliant," he said seeming more at ease than he had been minutes prior.
"Anything else I can do for you?"
"If it's not too much trouble could you massage my hips please, this pressure is terrible ,"he said quiet.
"Remus, you're literally about to deliver our child, that's not too much trouble," Sirius said instantly.
Remus barely heard him as another contraction hit him. His pained moan hurt Sirius somewhere deep in his chest, he hated feeling so useless. "You're doing so good Moony, not much longer," he whispered desperately, hoping he was being somewhat helpful.
"It's so warm in here," Remus groaned, sweaty and so unbelievably uncomfortable.
Effie came back with some ice as well as a cold towel," Here luv," she said as she pressed it to the back of his neck.
"Your god sends, the both of you," he said at Sirius started running his hands gently through Remus's slightly sweaty hair.
The next several hours went by slowly for everyone, but at hour 14 a muffled voice could be heard from Sirius's pocket. Sirius opened it hesitantly," How's everything going?" James excited voice asked.
"I told him to leave you both alone," Lily could be heard," They will tell us when she's here," she whispered to James.
"I just wanted to check in on my best mates Lils." James said sassily.
"It's going well, Remus is in pain, but he's handling it like a champ. Contractions are about 5 minutes apart now and he's 7 centimeters dilated, so any time now," Remus let out a pained groan," Todaloo," Sirius said quickly before closing the mirror and sticking it in his pocket.
"This fucking sucks," Remus declared as sweat beaded his forehead, Effie brushed it away softly as Sirius softly held onto his hips.
"I know it does Moons," Sirius said sympathetically.
"No, Padfoot you really don't," Remus said through gritted teeth," My body just went from wolf form to human form this morning, and neither of my hips went properly back into place. Those same hips are now widening and making room for your daughter who seems to have a big ass head to push through an opening that magically appeared not even a month ago. All of my muscles from my torso down are also tightening every few minutes as she painfully moves her way down my body. I've barely slept, this random woman keeps sticking her fingers inside of me, and my entire body is swollen in places that shouldn't be swollen, so don't tell me how you know, because you don't."
"I- I'm sorry," Sirius says unsure of what to say or what to do.
Remus's anger swiftly switches to an overwhelming mess of things, and he busts into tears," I'm so tired," he sobbed into his arms as he hides his face into the side of the bed," And I'm bloody starving, I would kill for a burger right now."
Sirius turned to look wide eyed at Effie, clearly out of his depth in how to navigate this. Effie starts running her hands softly through Remus's hair. "You're almost there luv, hopefully just a few more hours, and I'll go get some dinner for you alright?
"Hours!" Remus says and starts sobbing even harder," I can't do this, I want to go home," he looked at Effie with wide and tearful eyes as he grabbed one of her wrists," Please apparate me back to your house, take me home."
"Then what Remus?" Effie asked calmly rubbing the back of his hands.
"I don't- Fuck, I'm so nauseous," he groaned as he squeezed her hand.
"You can do this Remus, you're doing it right now, and doing so well at that."
Remus whimpered in response as he slowly let her go. He shakily stood himself up, Sirius right beside him before he propped himself on Sirius. His hands were placed firmly on his shoulders and he leaned forward slightly with his legs spread. "Help me rock my hips please," he begged his voice was so hoarse and panic stricken.
"I've got you sweetheart," Sirius said as he helped rock his hips left and right.
Remus suddenly gripped onto his shoulders tightly and threw his head back as he sobbed in pain," I think she's coming," he said as his entire body started to shake, he then turned his head and threw up all over the floor, gripping onto Sirius for dear life.
"Oh luv," Effie said cleaning it up with a spell and grabbing a towel to wipe his mouth with.
All Remus could do was whimper and cling to Sirius. Saige had apparently realized that something was happening so she made her presence known, also with the actual doctor, not that Remus noticed. Remus was having a hard time listening and understanding what everyone was saying, this overwhelming urge to push taking over him, his body acting on its own accord. He knew what needed to be done, and his body had kicked itself into a mode to get it done. He needed to get on his hands and knees, he needed his knickers taken off.
Another contraction tore through Remus, and he cried out as he fought the urge to push. He managed to put his hands and one knee on the bed, and as he lifted his leg up Sirius seemed to understand and quickly took his knickers off in one smooth motion. "Hands and knees," Remus gasped, his knuckles pale from how hard he was clenching the bed sheet.
"It'd be easier if he laid down," the doctor tried to explain to Sirius and Effie.
"Easier for you," Effie snapped, irritation in her voice.
"Come on Moons, I gotchu," Sirius said as he helped steady Remus on the bed, Effie was still firmly telling off the doctor and nurse.
Remus was completely unaware of the doctor that had situated himself in between his legs. He was also unaware of Saige right beside the doctor holding clamps and a towel. He was even more unaware of Effie who was near the doctors and rubbing small circles into his back, and keeping the doctor's in place. The only voice he could hear was Sirius, he knew Sirius was right there the entire time across from him and holding his hand. He never stopped whispering words of encouragement and looking at Remus with nothing short of pure adoration. Remus pushed with everything he had him, trying desperately to get this over with.
He only sat passively through one attraction, when Stella had been crowning. He desperately squeezed Sirius's hand as he cried out in pain, beads of sweat heavy on his forehead as he panted desperately. He pushed again at the height of the contraction, his pained groans filling the room as he felt Stella's head pop out. The shoulders felt somewhat easier, another push and one was out. "One more big one Moons and she's here," Sirius said into his ear as he placed a kiss on his shoulder.
Remus pushed and groaned with everything he had him in, and he finally felt her small body leave him.
A small wail filled the room, he did it, she was here. He remained squatting, Saige was presumably checking vitals and cleaning Stella off, Effie had went off to watch. "You did amazing Moons," Sirius said softly as he pressed their foreheads together and kissed him so softly.
All Remus could do was stifle back sobs that seemed to hang on the back of his throat. He barely registered the doctor who had been pressing on his stomach and clearing the afterbirth, all he felt was relief. "Would you like to sit down now Mr. Lupin?" the doctor asked.
Remus nodded and Sirius helped him slowly get into the bed. Everything was so sore and he found himself wincing when he sat down. A small bundle was quickly handed to him. She was so painfully tiny, just holding her released the flood gates and Remus started sobbing as he gently stroked her chubby cheek with his index finger. "She looks just like you," he choked out," She's perfect."
Sirius propped himself on the bed beside Remus and wrapped his arms around him, Remus immediately melted into his touch. "It's amazing what you made out of chocolate frogs and cauldron cakes," Sirius said softly completely enamored by the little girl that mentally and physically had her small hands wrapped around his fingers.
"Oh piss off you," Remus said jokingly as he wiped the tears from his eyes.
Effie had seemingly stepped out of the room to give the two privacy. "No I don't think I will," Sirius said pressing a kiss to his forehead.
"Her hair is so long," Remus murmured noticing the over inch long hair," I guess Lily was right about the heartburn. I still can't believe I carried and pushed her out and she had the audacity to look like you," and this statement was true.
She had jet black hair and grey eyes, her skin was currently quite pale but after a few days it would darken slightly. "The Black genes are strong," Sirius murmured.
Stella interrupted their conversation by fussing slightly. "Oh hey sweetheart, what's wrong," Remus asked softly a bit confused on what to do, until this unfamiliar fullness started growing in his chest at the sound of the small cries.
Remus was a bit overwhelmed by the idea of breastfeeding, but formula seemed annoying and it costed money that Remus was embarrassed to ask for. He read the books, he knew what to do. He handed the fussy babe to Sirius as he tugged the blanket up higher and took his shirt off.
Stella struggled to latch on, Remus really had to guide her mouth, but eventually she got it. He didn't realize how full his chest was until she started drinking, it didn't hurt but it was strangely uncomfortable.
Remus leaned his body into Sirius, who brushed his hair back and gave him water to drink. "You were brilliant, you know that Moons?"
"I don't feel very brilliant, Remus said scoffing as he looked down at the small, almost preterm baby.
"Well you are."
"I'm bloody starving," Remus said attempting to change the conversation.
"Well good thing I brought you food luv," she said holding out a bag of Wimpy's fast food.
"A muggle restaurant!" Remus said with delight evident on his face.
"Ah well this old witch has been around the block a few times."
He eagerly waited for Stella to finish eating, when she was done Remus scoffed down his cheeseburger and fries, and really savored the coca cola. Hogwarts didn't have cola, and he missed it desperately at times. Effie burped Stella, showing Sirius and Remus how to properly do it.
After he was done eating and Stella was lying snuggly on his bare chest, a blanket covering them both, Remus suddenly remembered. "We should mirror James," Remus said to Sirius.
"It's half past 9 are you up for visitors?"
"No, but tell them they can come first thing tomorrow I desperately need some sleep and a shower."
"James isn't going to sleep a wink," Effie laughed as she
"No he won't," Sirius said with a smile.
They mirrored James who was literally bursting at the seams with excitement and started jumping up and down like a maniac and twirling Lily around in excitement. Mary, Marlene, and Peter were also quite excited and gushed at the small baby. They agreed they would visit around 11 tomorrow, their call was cut short by Saige entering the room. "I've got to take baby back for some more tests, but Dad is more than welcome to come she said."
Sirius looked at Remus for guidance," Could I get a sleeping draught maybe?" Remus asked Saige.
"Of course," she said pulling one out of her pocket.
"You go keep an eye on Stella alright? And don't misspell her name on the birth certificate," he said teasingly.
Sirius stood up, kissed Remus on the head, before taking the small bundle," Sleep well Moony mine," he said softly.
"Will you come back tomorrow?" Remus said looking at Effie.
"Of course luv, get some sleep alright," she said before brushing his hair back and squeezing his hand reassuringly.
So Remus did get some sleep, as the draught kicked in almost instantly.
Remus woke up to a fussy baby and the horror of him needing to use the restroom. He hadn't got out of bed since he got back in, and truth be told the task seemed a bit daunting. Sirius was quick to pick up the swaddle, who only fussed more as her mouth shook back and forth looking for something. Remus could feel the milk starting to release from his nipple, he cringed at the foreign feeling," She's probably hungry, newborns tend to feed every 2ish hours or so according to the books," Sirius said softly.
"Give her here," Remus said as he groaned to sit up. she latched almost immediately as she hungrily suckled," What time is it?" he asked Sirius as he marveled at the small bundle.
"Nearly 6 in the morning, I warned the nurses not to wake you so she was fed some formula while you slept," he said softly.
"Did you get any sleep?" Remus said frowning.
"Some yeah, I let Stella stay by that big window for a few hours, but only after I put a tracking spell on her. How are you feeling Moons?"
"I'm sore, after she's done I think I need your help getting up," he said trying to hide the embarrassment in his voice.
"I think we can manage that. Can't we?" he cooed at Stella who was still hungrily suckling," Would you like to try a shower?" Sirius asked gently," Saige gave me some gel that should help with your uh, ya know," he said with a smile.
Remus groaned," Shuddup," he said as his face darkened.
"Alright sorry, just thought you'd like something to look forward to," he said teasingly.
"Ah yes, I'm bloody estatic to use the shower and use the loo with a swollen downstairs and needing assistance from my fiancé."
"Sounds like a blast to me personally," Sirius said shrugging.
Stella burped quite fast which was nice, and Sirius put her back in the bassinet and buzzed for Saige, who came running almost immediately. She checked Remus," It's a bit swollen, but it's looking good, after it heals it should disappear. I'm going to take Miss Stella here while you shower alright? I'm a buzz away if you need anything."
Remus nodded, standing up was brutal, and he couldn't bite back the wave of pain as he stood to his feet. Sirius was so gentle with him as he allowed Remus time before he started slowly waddling to the bathroom. "Take your time sweetheart, you're doing great," Remus ignored him and kept walking.
As they finally made it to the bathroom Remus turned," If you say one word about the diaper I have on, I will make your penis disappear."
"I'm offended you would think I would do that," Sirius said acting shocked.
The shower was a lot more soothing than Remus had expected, though seeing the amount of blood gushing from in between his legs had been a bit shocking, despite him knowing that it was normal. The gel that Saige had provided felt heavenly, and he felt worlds better being all cleaned up. "I'm starving," Remus said as he waddled slowly back to his bed.
"Well good thing I brought breakfast," Effie said with a big smile as the opened the door to her room.
"Oh Effie you're an angel," Remus said, ever so excited about the breakfast he had been brought.
They all enjoyed their fry up breakfast, Remus an endless pit, which Effie seemed prepared for. "You already ate loads, but with feeding Stella you'll need more to produce milk," she said softly as Remus continued shoving eggs in his mouth at a concerning pace.
"You'd think he's never eaten before," Sirius said jokingly to Effie.
"You'd be starving too if you'd done everything I'd done in 48 hours," Remus said with a huff.
Saige always seemed almost too perfect with her timing, and as soon as Mrs. Potter had cleared the trash she had come back with Stella. Effie scooped up the small bundle as she sat down. "Looks just like Sirius doesn't she," she said with a playful tut," And all that hair goodness, you must have had terrible heartburn."
"If that was only the half of it," Remus said as he laid his head back, sinking into the pillows.
He woke up to the sound of a fussy baby and a fullness in his bosom. Remus reached his arms out and Sirius handed her over. Sirius must've showered, his hair was still slightly damp and coiled tighter than usual, and he had on a new outfit. At this point Stella was a pro, and Remus finally felt rested enough to really enjoy the small thing in his arms, she suckled desperately and she made the silliest noises that Remus found himself smiling fondly at. "You feeling alright Moons?" Sirius asked as he perched himself beside him and started playing with his daughter's small hands.
"I was just catching up on some sleep, I was never really given time to recover from the- ya know," he said softly, as he thought about the beast that was always hiding right underneath his skin, he clutched his daughter a bit tighter, he would protect her, even as the ugly beast he was.
"You know this isn't your fault? Don't you Remus?" Sirius whispered.
"What?" Remus asked confused, he felt as if Sirius had been reading his mind.
"Going into early labor, it wasn't your fault, you did everything right."
"I-," Remus's eyes glossed over with tears, he could feel his heart in his throat, desperate to come up and display itself in the middle of the hospital bed he sat in.
"I just don't want you to beat yourself up Moons. After everything, you deserve to be happy, please just let yourself be happy. You'll never truly know how much I admire you, and how proud I am of you. I love you and Stells so much Moonymine, and I'm just," he pulled Remus in for a soft kiss, being mindful of the delicate babies head as he did so.
Remus promptly lost it holding them both so close, scared to let them go. He never even had to say anything, and Sirius just knew, and validated him. It was so painfully overwhelming and yet so reassuring, and he felt crazy from all the post birth horomones running rampant through him, desperately trying to balance themselves out. Sirius softly shushed him, and Stella just continually to hungrily drink, which actually caused Remus to start laughing after she made a quite obnoxious noise. He kissed her forehead and brushed her hair softly. "What shall she wear? I'm sure Lily will be taking loads of photos."
Effie started rummaging through the bag," What about this one?" she said with a grin.
It was a Gryffindor red onesie and in golden thread it read 'Stella.' "It's perfect Effie!" Sirius said it with such enthusiasm.
Remus burped Effie, laughing when the small girl spit up all over his clean shirt," I guess Moons needed to change anyway huh," he cooed softly.
He mumbled a quick cleaning spell and the mess was gone, he then went about trying to successfully change Stella's onesie. It was a bit more challenging than he had imagined, she was so tiny, and her body was squished up. With prompting from Effie however, he managed. Sirius was happy to boast about how he had already changed a nappy and a onesie. "There will be plenty more of those to change," Effie had joked before giving Sirius a soft pat on the back.
Remus did in fact change his shirt, it was slow, but it was nice to do something for himself. Contrary to popular belief his stomach didn't just automatically go back to looking flat, he still looked quite pregnant. He was much too warm for a jumper, so he settled for a plain, oversized black t-shirt. It wasn't like he was hiding anything from his friends anyways. He even took the time to brush his hair and his teeth, and for the first time in a while he felt fully refreshed. It was wonderful to not have the extra weight of a baby and amniotic fluid pressing relentlessly between his hips. He felt the most like himself than he had in a while, and that was good.
11 came quickly, and soon all of his friends were crowding around their small room that Remus had labored in just hours prior. Sirius had been cradling Stella and pacing around the room, ever so eager to show James. Remus sat and watched him happily, flipping through his book that focused on the fourth trimester and what to expect. Effie had went home for a bit, but reassured him that she would be back with dinner.
James, Peter, and Sirius were gushing over little Stella, with Mary and Marlene impatiently waiting for their turn. Lily however had walked right past the small bundle, towards Remus in the small hospital bed. "How are you feeling Remus?" she asked with a smile, as she made herself comfortable on the small bit of bed beside him.
He reveled in her scent, she always smelled so fruity, today there was a strong undertone of peach. He rested his head on her shoulder as she fidgeted with his fingers. "Content," he said softly as he watched all of his friends eagerly cooing at
the currently wide awake newborn.
"Do you know when you're going home?"
"I was hoping today, but it's looking more like tomorrow morning," he groaned," I'm a bit sick of this place if I'm honest and I don't think the nurse cares for me too much."
"Well what did you do?" Lily asked with a chuckle.
"I wasn't the best patient I suppose," Remus said with a small grin.
"Ooh I need to get a picture of this," Lily said getting up.
James was holding Stella, the small baby fitting perfectly in the small of his arm, as Sirius held her small head for extra support. It was nice to have all of his friends present, but Remus was also glad to see them go. He had been worried sick about the prospect of feeding in front of them, and he had stayed in bed the entire time not wanting the pitying stares when they noticed his wincing and limping. A part of him wanted to share Stella with the world, but another part of him wanted to keep her hidden away forever, to keep her safe.
Discharge time came soon enough, and Remus was more than grateful to be going home. They flooed back to Potter manor, Stella wrapped protectively in Remus's arms. She started whimpering as they walked out, but with Remus rocking her she quickly calmed down. Effie had turned the guest room beside Remus and Sirius's room into a nursery. The kind woman had spared no expense.
A beautiful, mahogany crib was placed in the corner. A toy box stuffed with toys that Stella was still much too young for, and an entire dresser filled with baby clothes. The entire thing was so incredibly overwhelming to Remus, he was never going to be able to pay her back. He looked at Sirius with eyes filled with fear," It's a gift Remus," Sirius said softly.
"My honorary grand child will be nothing short of spoiled," Effie cooed at Stella who was staring with wide eyes.
Remus couldn't stop the tears that spilled from his eyes as Sirius and Effie both held him close. "Anything for our Moony huh," Sirius said mischievously.
If someone asked me at the end
I'll tell them put me back in it
Darling, I would do it again, ah, ah
If I could hold you for a minute
Darling, I'd go through it again,
-Francesca by Hozier